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The Wheels of Fortune brought me to Jeopardy

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"Sajak!!!!!!" shouted a voice too loud for the small room Pat Sajak was sitting in. Annoyed, Pat Sajak reluctantly turned around to look at the person who was yelling at him. 
It was his boss, Mr. Mays. Mr. Mays had often been described as a cross between Mr. Clean and Billy Mays, and people had good reason for the latter comparison. Mr. Mays' brother was Billy Mays. He had the beard and the loud voice, but had a bald head. He also had earrings and a passion for cleanliness, hence the Mr. Clean comparison. 

Pat Sajak let out an exasperated "What?" as he faced his boss. 

"SAJAK. PAT. PATTY LISTEN HERE. MAY I CALL YOU PATTY? OL' PATTY CAKES. PAT BENATAR." Mr. Mays pat himself on the back to congratulate himself. Pat just stared at his boss, having no reaction to this nonsense. 
"I, um, forgot.." Mr. Mays trailed off. His eyes caught sight of the television, which was playing Jeopardy. "Ah, yes! I remember now. Pat. You've got a big job coming up. I need you to co-host a Game Show Special with Alex Trebek. It's a crossover between the shows the two of you host, Wheel Of Fortune and Jeopardy. I think I'll call it... Wheel Of Jeopardy. Yes! Brilliant!" Mr. Mays continued to cheer himself on as he walked out of Pat Sajak's dressing room. 

"Why have I got that TV on anyway?!" Pat Sajak said, irked by the events that had just happened, and turned off the TV. The dressing room was very basic. Concrete white-painted brick walls, a dresser with a mirror, a chair, and the TV on the wall. A small couch resided underneath the hanging television. Pat thought that was quite a useless place to put the couch. He shut the lid on his lipstick, set it down on the dresser, and left his dressing room. 'Another great day, Pat', he thought.

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Alex Trebek was full of energy. He was walking through the hallway backstage of the Jeopardy! set, smile on his face, when he saw his boss further down the hallway. 

"Mr. Shrek! It's great to see you!" Alex Trebek said nicely. His boss Mr. Shrek smiled back.

"Alex!! My main man! How are you TreBro?" Mr. Shrek asked.

"I'm wonderful, and how are you on this fine day, Mr. Shrek?" Alex Trebek replied.

"Please," his boss responded, "just call me 'Shrek'."

Alex smiled. "Alright.. Shrek" he giggled a little. 

"You mean, 'what is shrek?'" Shrek laughed to himself and then remembered something important. "Alex, my boy. You're set to host a special crossover with Pat Sajak called Wheel Of Jeopardy, or something similar. You in?" 

"Of course!" Alex Trebek exclaimed enthusiastically. His enthusiasm was a facade, however. In his mind, when the subject of hosting a show with his unofficial rival Pat Sajak was brought up, he grimaced so hard he turned purple and ate McDonald's food. And he hated eating McDonald's food. He'd do anything for the job, and nothing could get in the way of his love for Jeopardy. Or so he thought..

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"Smooth Criminal" by Michael Jackson blared on the speakers. Pat Sajak grimaced and put his hands over his ears flamboyantly. He hated the new youngster music and wasn't afraid to show it. "Smooth Criminal"? What ever happened to the days of wholesome, good music where criminals were not involved. Pat was waiting to meet his co-host Alex Trebek on stage for the rehearsal show. Alex waltzed on to the stage, literally. Pat was secretly impressed by his dancing skills, but didn't let his expression show it. He simply rolled his eyes at the waltzing Alex Trebek. Dancing with yourself, really? Who do you think you are, now, Billy Idol? Pah. Pat thought to himself. 

The main producer for Wheel Of Jeopardy grew impatient. "Come on, Alex, quit dancing and get over here!" he shouted through a megaphone. 

Alex Trebek quit dancing and made his way over to the hosts' dual podium in the center of the room where Pat Sajak was standing. 

"Hi. Alex." Alex Trebek introduced himself as he held his hand out for Pat Sajak to shake. 

Pat was speechless as he gazed into Alex's eyes. It was like magic was occurring in the room. He blinked to snap himself out of it. "I AM A HETEROSEXUAL MAN!!!!!" he accidentally screamed out loud.

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From that point on, the game show was awkward. Alex and Pat tried to keep their distance from each other, occasionally brushing hands and looking into each others' eyes, despite their desperate attempts at avoiding eye contact with each other. The sexual tension was so great, they immediately separated from each other after the first round of the game was over. 

During this commercial break, Alex Trebek accidentally caught Pat Sajak in the men's room. Before he turned around and exited, Pat exclaimed "Wait!"

They made eye contact, and Alex looked down at Pat's lips and licked his own. "This is not gay." Alex thought. 

"It doesn't count as gay if it's in TV Game Show land" Pat thought to himself. 

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-------- Suddenly a massive earthquake occurred and destroyed them all. The building collapsed into a cesspool in the earth.-------
the end