I wouldn’t say I’m a private person, I’m simply selective with the information I choose to share. I have go-to jokes, stories, excuses for certain people - more convincing ones for my closest friends. It may be because I have spent so long hiding from my dad, mirroring his actions, expressions, beliefs in order to avoid conflict and keep myself safe - well as safe as one can be with an emotionally abusive asshole of a father. This is why I never think to mention the girl who has taken my breath away, who makes me want to perform small intimate acts like resting my hand on hers or laying my head on her shoulders so I can feel her chest rise and fall faster when she initially feels my hand in hers and then how her breaths slowly even out as she relaxes at my touch. Carina being kept a secret wasn’t purposeful, it was just my natural way of coping when she makes me feel so vulnerable.
This is what made it difficult to explain when this gorgeous, Italian OBGYN randomly showed up in my captains office - blissfully unaware that she had been my beautiful secret for months.
2 hours earlier
“Alright team, gather round!” - authority comes naturally for me so grand speeches too my team are a regular part of my day. Although it took a while I eventually (and rightfully) garnered the respect of my team after taking over as captain, I no longer need to prove my place. So, my speeches are less to intimidate and much more to motivate and inspire, which was absolutely necessary after the call we just had, we were called in second to station 23 as it was technically their district however our much faster response time put our arrival almost in time with theirs leaving the family the house to struggle for far too long, resulting in the loss of a mom.
I walk back to my office, the adrenaline slowly wearing off and simultaneously the pain and aching of my limbs setting in - all I can think about is the stench of smoke and the faces of the family that just lost their mom. I sit down in my chair and after stretching for a second I place my head on my desk, the emotions build up inside and the pain in my legs increases - this is all I can focus on for what feels like 10 seconds until my office door opens and I groan. “All I want is 5 minutes alone, please!” I hear a chuckle and the velvet sound of my Italian girlfriend already improving my mood,
“ahh well bella I guess you want me and my pasta to leave then si?”
I slowly lift my heavy head and finally breath out the air I didn’t know I was holding in.. “Carina” I say breathlessly. Without hesitation she comes over, crouches next to me and lightly strokes my hair before taking my head in her hands, placing it on her shoulder and then strokes my back as I begin to process the last 12 hours.
5 minutes later Andy bursts into my office, “Maya, Maya you have to come see what Travis is doing in the beanery h—… oh sorry I’ll just, ermm yeah I’ll go sorry”. Carina had jumped back as soon as Andy rushed through the door and was now looking at me, head tilted and a questioning look on her face.. “that is Andy your best friend?”
I reply with a grin scared of the direction of this conversation, “yeah! She probably didn’t want to interrupt me and my beautiful girlfriend but I’ll introduce you soon enough babe don’t worry.”
I lightly smile but I can tell by the way her eyebrow twitches that she has some questions but she manages to hit the nail on the head straight away,
“Maya, does anyone actually know about me?”