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When They Love Me

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I don’t wanna seem the way I do

But I’m confident when I’m with you

Lately, all I feel is bad and bruised

Tired of tripping on my shoes

. ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚.

Remus groaned softly and rolled over for about the fifth time to try to find a comfier position. His mattress wasn't the best but surely he could find a way to lie on it that didn't make every cell in his body scream in pain. He groaned again, louder this time, when he realised that due to his new position, the sun was now shining directly into his eyes, which also made Remus realise that it was late enough in the day for the sun to actually be able to shine into his westward facing bedroom window.

Rolling over once more - for the last time Lupin, come on - Remus squinted at the old analogue alarm clock on his nightstand, closed his eyes for a minute when his brain refused to make sense of the image in front of him, and, when he opened them again, finally registered that it was six pm. He had slept on and off for about four hours, since he came home from uni and the late hour meant that Sirius would also be coming home sometime soon.

As soon as he had finished the thought, Remus heard a key turning in the lock, followed by the sound of the front door opening. Speaking of the devil. Remus briefly wondered if other people found it as comforting as him, to listen to the simple sounds of their partner coming home. The same routine every time with only slight variations. The front door softly clicking shut, Sirius toeing off their boots, probably leaving them strewn about for someone to stumble over later, the keys clinking in the bowl on the sideboard in the hall, a brief foray into the kitchen, setting something down on the table, and then -.

"Honey, I'm hooooooome." Sirius' smooth voice sing-songed, volume low enough to not wake him if he had been asleep.

Remus could feel his face settle into a soft, besotted expression and was entirely helpless to stop it. Smushing his face further into his pillow, Remus knew if he didn't answer, Sirius would come and find him anyway.

True to form, a second later Sirius could be heard padding down the hallway towards the bedrooms. The soft footsteps stopped in the doorway of Remus' room. Remus knew that Sirius was probably trying to gauge the situation, deciding on how to proceed. The open door meant they were okay to come in. The open blinds meant it wasn't a bad day, just not a good day. And the half-empty glass of water on his desk, with the plateful of crumbs beside it, meant that Remus had had enough energy, before lying down, to eat something and probably take his meds. The footsteps resumed and Remus felt the mattress dip slightly as Sirius settled down beside him.

Despite still being buried in his pillow, Remus' nose picked up the slight scent of the London streets, a hint of those weird menthol cigarettes, way too exoensive raspberry shampoo, which didn't smell like actual raspberries at all, and Sirius' favourite perfume which they liked to put on on femme days. It should not be comforting to smell that weird potpourri of scents and yet -.

Remus didn't realise that he had instinctively moved towards this source of comfort until his nose collided with Sirius' shoulder. Giving up on keeping his eyes closed on a permanent basis when Sirius chuckled, their upper body shaking with it, Remus blinked up at them to take in the sight. Sirius was looking down at him, propped up on their elbow, with a soft look on their face.

Eyes practically twinkling, they cooed, "Hey gorgeous, I brought you Tom Yum."

Instantly Remus felt about 60 percent better. His favourite spicy soup waa perfect for unfogging his head and had a wonderful, if surely placebo, effect on his joint pain. Instead of telling them that though, he scrunched up his face mock-suspiciously.

"You didn't try to make it yourself this time did you?"

Last time had been an unmitigated disaster. The fire brigade had been involved. Remus had appreciated the effort, but had not appreciated his partner of then officially two months being treated for smoke inhalation because they had tried to cook thai soup in their brother's restaurant to make their chronically ill boyfriend feel better.

Sirius pouted. "Reggie made it. I went by after work."

Remus' face brightened and he pressed a soft kiss to the corner of their mouth. "Thank you, love."

"No problem", Sirius beamed. The slight from before already forgotten. "I know it makes you feel better when you're having flares. Especially those sneaky ones, when your joints are being mean."

Remus was pretty sure he hadn't ever told him that. He also knew that he hadn't told Sirius' that this flare up was focused on his joints. Looking at Sirius' bright face it suddenly hit Remus like an eight-wheeler. This is what love feels like, isn't it? Neither of them had actually said it before. They hadn't been together all that long. Six months of being flatmates after a chance meeting in a club of all places, three months of being together after an enlightening night out, but maybe he should just be the first to say it.

"I love you."

It came out softer than he meant it to, almost a whisper, so he repeated himself.

"I love you, Sirius. The soup makes me feel better, but mostly you, just being here, bringing me the soup, knowing me, is what makes everything better."

He told himself he wasn't worried about Sirius' response. Whatever they said, or felt, was fine, but held his breath in anticipation anyway.

Several expressions fluttered over Sirius' face. Shock? Surprise? Wonder? Until it finally settled on utter joy.

"I love you, too, Moony. So much. Thank you for letting me be here for you."

And that was the heart of it, wasn't it? Remus had never let anyone care for him or take care of him like he let Sirius. Sirius, who acknowledged his illness and loved him with it and not despite of it. Sirius, who had struggles of their own. Sirius, who apparently loved him. Sirius, who had never looked happier than in this moment.

Remus surged up and kissed them.

His joints still hurt and his head still felt like it was packed with cotton but at the same time, he could probably float if Sirius continued loving him like this.

. ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚.

But when they love me, I feel like I’m floating

When they call me pretty, I feel like somebody

Even when we fade eventually to nothing

You will always be my favorite form of loving