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They flopped onto their backs still somewhat tangled in the bedsheets. Bedsheets now stained figuratively and literally by their lovemaking. From the very start their deep mutual attraction was simultaneously undeniable and impossible. With their hands desperately clasped together, they tried to slow their rabbiting heartbeats which otherwise would have made an EMT panic. As both men slowly returned to this world, the inevitable reality came crashing back. Save for their slightly labored breathing, they were silent. Words expressing their true emotion or the situation they found themselves in were a waste anyway. After what seemed like a lifetime, each man finally uttered a single word sounding almost like a whispered homily.


The vacuum created in their room took over the space again until it was eventually driven away by David’s sobbing. It started out so softly but grew louder and more out of control with each passing moment. Patrick tried to comfort him with gentle caresses but it clearly didn’t help. In fact, it made things worse. So much so, David finally extricated himself from their deceitful bed before quickly pulling on his clothes.

“David? Where are you going? What’s wrong?” Patrick sat up and focused on the devastatingly beautiful man now fully dressed in his ridiculously inappropriate for summer clothing. Topped off with a leather jacket. In August.

“I have to go. I can’t do this anymore.” David sputtered before turning toward the door.

Patrick felt David’s turmoil from across the room, watching as he wiped his eyes and nose before having another involuntary full body shudder.

“Wait! Why?? What happened? Did I say something to upset you?” Patrick bolted over to him still naked. And maybe a little sticky.

“No. Well, yes. Maybe. I don’t know...” David did everything in his power to avoid looking into those huge caramel eyes as he strode purposefully toward the door.

“David, if I did anything to hurt you, I’m really really sorry. You know I’d never do that to you on purpose. But if you don’t want me setting you off again you gotta tell me what I did.”

“You did nothing Patrick. Nothing.” The last ‘nothing’ was pointed and callous. Punctuated even further by the zipping of his leather jacket.

“Then why are you leaving?”

“Oh I don’t know! Why do you think? Could it be maybe this time I’d prefer not to delay the inevitable? We both know how this always plays out. And it’s not like you won’t be going home soon anyway, right?”

“David, please...”. David spun around instantly and they locked eyes.

“Please WHAT, Patrick? Stay here and pretend to happily bask in the afterglow with you? Share some phony plans for an even phonier future? Feel my heart shatter in my chest over and over again? Then what? Then get the sheer torture of watching you leave and go back to her? No. Thanks.”

“David...we both knew my situation going into this. Every day it keeps me from you and I hate it! And I hate it even more because I know how much it’s hurting you. But you know what? It’s hurting me too! So sooo much. But we both definitely know under the circumstances things can’t just change no matter how much we want them to.”

Patrick’s jaw began to quiver but he went on which was his second mistake of the day.

“C’mon. You know how I feel about you. And about her. What I don’t understand is why it’s turning into an issue now? I’m sorry but this is all a little unexpected. And this reaction is a lot...even for you. Up until now you seemed fine with it. Fine with us.”

“Well maybe I’m not anymore. I tried to force myself to believe I was fine. And I thought I could handle this. I thought I could be happy with getting whatever you could spare. Well guess what Patrick? I’m not! I’m not happy! Maybe I fooled myself before when I used to hook up with people already in relationships. But here’s a newsflash for you. That was a lifetime ago when I didn’t care. I can admit I was broken back then but now that I’ve met you? Now that I’ve had...this? I...I can’t. I can’t. And I won’t. Nope.”

“Can you at least tell me why is it so different now?” Patrick shifted his focus to a tiny spot on the floor all the while dreading to hear David’s answer.

“Because I’m fucking in love with you!” David blurted. As soon as his brain registered the words as they came out, his eyes went wide before immediately slapping his hand over his mouth albeit way too late. The color drained from his face and he started feeling a little dizzy.

Patrick’s eyes snapped back up to David’s. The tension hung in the room as they remained frozen staring at each other until Patrick finally crumbled back onto the bed with his own tears welling up and planning their escape. What he said next was almost inaudible.

“What do you want from me?”

“A little more than I can ever have.”