Who eats the others uneaten pizza crust?
“I don’t understand how you can love pizza so much and not eat the crust?”
“The crust is so dry though!”
“No, it isn’t its fine.”
“Fine you can be my designated crust eater then.”
*Sigh* “Fine, at least I’m not wasting food like someone.”
“Can I tell Nigel that he can give his crust to you too?”
“My god, what is with you people and crust?”
“Can I ?”
“No Andrea you may not, and if you do tell that to anyone you will be spending a lot more time with Patrica when you sleep downstairs of the couch.”
Who talks smack when playing video games?
Both of the red headed girls looked confused at the Christmas present they had just opened, “What is it?” They both asked
“It’s a Nintendo entertainment system classic edition!” Andy said with joy “maybe now I can play video games with you two and not get my butt whooped every time.”
Giggling Cassidy asked “what kind of games does it have?”
“Well it has the original Super Mario, Donkey Kong, Galaga, Metroid and the best game in existence Pac Man!”
Caroline piped up with, “Oh, mom was really good at Pac Man! Right mom?”
“Bet you couldn’t beat the Avon public high school champ of 2004!”
“20 dollars.” Miranda states
“Your on sexy woman!”
Later in the day when all of the presents had been opened and brunch had been eaten, Andy had set up the Nintendo in the girls game room. “How the hell did you do that?” Andy yelled with wide eyes
Miranda had just used a glitch in the game to gain another level, smirking she said evilly “It’s a secret my dear.”
Andy sat in disbelief and then started to pout because she had officially been taken down a few notches.
The game ended and the winning woman turned to her pouting wife, stuck out her hand and said smugly “Pay up sexy woman.”
The girls were off to the side giggling so hard Cassidy fell off the chair.
Who sings along with the radio?
Miranda singing was one of Andy’s secret treasures in life. Only her and the twins have ever heard her sing, and man was is a heavenly voice.
The times Andy woke up early and Miranda was still in the shower, she could hear her voice flouting out of the bathroom. It was so beautiful she just had to record it.
Now she has the best mood lifter for when she is feeling sad. She takes out her phone and listens to the recording, and thinks about the woman she will go home to.
She thinks about how only the closest people will be let in and shared in this marvellous gift. She thinks of how she is now one of those people.
Who would accidentally set the kitchen on fire while cooking?
Andy came running into the kitchen full speed and skidded to a stop in the doorway. “What the hell?” Miranda was standing by the island with an apron on covered in flour (as well as most of the floor and counter), fanning the smoking oven with a towel. Smoke alarm blaring.
She looked up at Andy with embarrassment and said in a small voice, “I was making you birthday pancakes for breakfast.”
Andy went over and turned the smoke alarm off, came to stand in front of Miranda and wiped the flour off of her cheek.
“Sweetheart, what happened?” She said in a loving voice and a smile.
“I went to mix everything and the flour went everywhere, and then when I put them in the pan they burned but were still liquid so I put them in the oven to bake the inside.” Miranda sounded as though she was in a Runway meeting and spoke with frustration, huffing at the end of her explanation.
Andy smiled at a blushing Miranda and took her into a strong hug, “Thank you darling.”
“For what? I ruined it and we have no breakfast.”
“Thank you for being the best girlfriend I could ask for.” Andy kissed her and then went over to the pantry, walking inside and coming out a few seconds later with a yellow box that said ‘Bisquick’
“This is so much easier to make, and I can help.”
Miranda pouted “why didn’t I know we had that?”
“Because you just assumed my famous pancakes were made from scratch.”
Who would throw the other into the pool?
Andy had quietly swam to the edge of the pool getting out and stood by the side trying not to laugh at Cassidy in the water. “Marco!”
Caroline was about to say something from her towel where she was sun bathing but her mother shushed her and got up from her lounge chair.
Andy snickering from the edge of the pool screamed as she was pushed into the pool from behind.
Spitting water out of her mouth when she resurfaced, she opened her eyes she see a smirking Miranda standing at the edge.
“That is cheating dear.”
Who is more likely to cry over a sad book or movie?
“Miranda we need to donate to the local animal shelters again! It wasn’t enough last time, they need more!”
“Darling it is just a commercial.”
“But look how sad they are, and they are using Sarah McLachlan's song the saddest song in history!"
Who shops for groceries?
As soon as Miranda walked into the house she could hear rustling and arguing in the kitchen. She knew that Andy had gotten home early from work and the girls were done school, therefore they must be up to something. Taking her heels off and quietly making her why down the hall she heard Cassidy say “You can’t put it there, she’s gonna find it! Hide it better”
“What about under the sink?” Caroline ask
As Miranda turned the corner she saw Andy up on a chair by the fridge with a huge container of gummy bears. “I go under the sink for more soap bobbsey, so I would have found it there as well.”
All three faces turned to her in horror, then both twins pointed at Andy and said, “She bought it at the store!”
Andy glared at them both “Snitches”
Miranda pinched her nose feeling a headache coming, “This is exactly why Cara gets the groceries, no fugitive gummy treats.”
Sighing she looked up and surprised everyone by saying, “You can have them in moderation. But save the red ones for me.”
Who kills the spiders?
Andy heard a scream that came from Miranda’s study, therefore she took off running to save her wife in distress. When she got there Miranda was standing on the couch looking terrified at the ground over by her desk. “What happened?”
“There is a spider!”
“What where!” Andy shouted jumping up onto the couch with her wife, “What are you doing, your supposed to be the brave one and kill it for me.” Miranda said
“Fuck that I hate spiders! You kill it.”
“What do you mean I kill it? I’m not going anywhere near it” Miranda shrieked
“Well, neither am I so I guess we are stuck up here.”
At that moment Patrica sauntered into the study looking at how strange her humans looked, why are they up on the couch like that? She wasn’t allowed on the couch like that, why were they?
She then walked over to her bed next Mirandas desk, saw the spider and thought it looked like a nice snack. So, she ate it.
“Well, I guess we can get down now.” Andy said, stepping down and offering her hand to Miranda.
“We will never speak of this to anyone, are we clear.” She said while blushing
“Clear.” Andy agreed
Who is the morning person and who is the night person?
Andy could never understand how Miranda went to bed so late and got up at the ass crack of dawn. Andy would get into bed every night at the same time in hopes of making it into late not more then 10 minutes late. Miranda would be up working on the book for hours it felt like before she would crawl into bed with her and become her big spoon. Then the next morning before she had even cracked an eye open Miranda would be out of the shower and in her walk in closet getting ready for the day. It amazed Andy on how little sleep Miranda could run on. Come to think of it maybe that is why she drank so much coffee during the day? Aa woman who sleeps 4-5 hours a night is going to need a pick me up.
But then there are the nights that Miranda will get into bed with Andy at the same time and that is when Andy new she had a hard day. A day that took all of the remaining energy out of her. Those are the nights that Andy will take Miranda into her arms and rub her back while whispering in her ear as she falls asleep, “Sleep darling you deserve it. You deserve all the rest and love you could ever need. You are treasured and cared for. You do not need to worry about anything anymore. Close your eyes and let the sleep come, I will be right here with you in the morning.” Kissing her on the forehead and watching the stress melt form Miranda’s face as she succumbs to the exhaustion, her breath evening out.
And somehow by magic the girls would know their mother needed the extra love and would climb into bed with them in the middle of the night, one on each side of the women.
They would always wake up to Patrica sleeping on the floor at the foot of the bed.