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my love, i've got something to say

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I wanna be your princess and your prince 

Give me dresses, give me tiaras. 

Give me swords, and pretty cars. 

Give me nail polish and braid my hair.

Make me feel special

Make me feel loved

Make me feel like I’m not broken 

Make me feel like a girl who got her dream fairytale

Make me feel like the boy that slayed the dragon

 

 

Harry has planned everything perfectly on how he’s gonna tell Louis. He’s gonna make marmite chicken and serve chocolate cake with ice cream for desert. Then he’s gonna tell him. It’s all going to be perfect, Harry got the house to himself so he can prepare everything while Louis is writing a new song with Liam.

Even though he and Louis tell each other everything and have promised each other to always be there for each other - the ring on Harry’s left hand a proof of just that - Harry can’t help to be nervous and well, a little bit scared. He doesn’t really know how Louis will take it, the fact that he somedays feels more like a boy and some days more like a girl. Deep down, in an ugly part of his mind there’s a voice that tells him how disgusted Louis is gonna be to find out that he feels like a girl sometimes. Harry knows it’s stupid, that that won’t really happen, but still he can’t make the voice shut up. So everything’s got to be perfect. 

~~~~

Harry’s got the table set, the cake and ice cream in the fridge and he’s just taken out the chicken from the oven when he hears the front door open. He takes a deep breath, Louis is still gonna love you after this, he tells himself to shut up that horrible voice inside his mind. 

”Harry?” Louis is standing in the doorway, a fond look on his face, and he looks so cuddly with the big jumper that he probably stole from Harry. ”What’s all this?” He asks as he comes closer. 

”This is marmite chicken all for you.” Harry replies wrapping his arms around Louis and giving him a quick kiss. He loves this boy so much. ”I love you Lou.”

”I love you too.” Louis says wraps his arms around his neck, and leans up to kiss him. 

They stand there for a few minutes, lazily trading kisses that make all of Harry’s worries melt away and Harry is so lucky, so fucking lucky to have this boy, and he shouldn’t be scared at all, this is Louis, the boy he fell in love with at 16, the boy he’s shared so much with, good and bad, the boy that’s been through it all with him. It’s silly really, the voice inside his head can just fuck off. 

Reluctantly he pulls away, ”The chicken’s gonna get cold.”

”Don’t care, I’d rather eat you.” There was a smirk playing at Louis lips, and god if Harry hadn’t planned all this out he’d take Louis up on the offer, but no, he’s put this off for too long.

”C’mon Lou, it took all day, I also made chocolate cake and ice cream.” He said with a pout, he needs to tell Louis, also he's hungry. 

The older man sighed as he stepped out of Harry’s arms. ”Fiiiine then.” He stole one quick kiss from Harry then went to the dining room. 

This was it. Harry took one last breathe and picked up the chicken and followed his fiancé to the other room.

~~~~

Harry had just put the cake on the table, they’ve spent most of the dinner talking about the song Louis was writing with Liam, but as the night went on Harry got more nervous, the voice he tried to block out coming back and he knew that by the concerned looks Louis was giving him he knew something was going on. But Harry had this planned, they would finish the desert and would cuddle up on the couch. He took a breath before he took a sip from the wine, he needed to calm down. Where was the cool he had earlier?

”Harry, are you listening?”

Shit. ”Um, yeah?” 

Louis frowned. ”What’s going on Harry? You’re acting weird.”

”Nothing.” He stuffed his mouth with chocolate cake. 

”Harry.”

”Mmmm?” 

Louis stood up and sat himself in Harry’s lap. ”Baby just tell me what’s going on, and don’t lie we both know you’re a shit liar.” He added.

This isn’t how it was suppose to go. He looked down at this lap, absently rubbing circles in Louis thigh. This wasn’t part of the plan.

”What wasn’t part of the plan?” Louis’ voice was clouded with confusion.

Fuck, did he say that out loud? 

”Yes, and that too, Harry what’s going on?” He left a finger under his chin as Louis brought his face up to meet his. 

”Umm, I have something to tell you, and um, I had a plan on how I would do it.” Louis frown grew. Which, well, that wasn’t the reaction he wanted. 

”Is everything alright? Or is there something wrong? To be honest you’re sorta scaring me Haz.” Louis still had the frown and his eyes were filled with worry. 

”Um.. Well, um.. Everything is alright. Nothing’s wrong.” The word left a sour taste in his mouth, what if Louis thought it was wrong? That there was something wrong with him? -- No, he wouldn’t. The voice in the back of Harry’s head wouldn’t win. 

”Haz, just tell me what’s going on, alright?” He put his hand on Harry’s cheek. 

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Screw all his plans then. He would just come out with it. No hesitation. ”I’m genderfluid.” There it was out. Nothing more he could do. 

He was met with silent, Louis strangely quiet above him. Oh god, what if the voice in the back of his head was right? No, that couldn’t be-

”Harry.” Louis interrupted his inner thoughts. ”Harry look at me.” A moment passed and Harry was scared, he couldn’t identify the tone in Louis’ voice. ”Please.” The hand Louis had on his cheek stroked his face. One deep breath and Harry opened his eyes. He was met with Louis frowning face, his breath hitches, what does that mean?

”Hey,” Both Louis’ hands where on his face now, obviously sensing Harry’s emotions. ”I-I don’t really get what that is Harry.”

”Genderfluid?” His voice was quiet.

”Yeah, care to tell me love?”

Harry was nodding, okay, he should of considered that Louis wouldn’t know it, like Harry hadn’t hadn’t known until he googled his feelings and stumbled upon a bunch of blog posts about it. ”Um, basically it means that, um, sometimes I feel like a boy and sometimes I.. I-I feel, like a girl.” 

”Oh okay.” And there was that tone, something Harry couldn’t tell what Louis was feeling and to be honest, it scared him. 

”Y-You don’t think there’s something wrong with me, right?” His voice broke at the end on the question. He couldn’t handle it if Louis thought that but he had to ask. He had to know where Louis stood. 

”Harry! Of course not, what gave you that idea?” 

”I can’t tell what you’re thinking or feeling about this.” He lowered his eyes to his lap again, playing with the hem of Louis’ jumper. 

”Haz, love look at me.” And Harry did, since he could never say no to this boy, and when he looked in Louis’ eyes where where a lot of emotions, one of them being hurt and that made Harry feel awful. ”You don’t really think I would actually think that about you?” 

”No, I know you wouldn’t, but there was this voice inside my head, and, and-” A sob broke through Harry’s mouth. 

”Haz,” Louis’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him close. ”I love you no matter what, you know that Harry, why the voice in your head?” 

He took a shaky breath against Louis neck. ”I-I don’t know, it’s just I was scared you wouldn’t want me when I felt like a girl, since I read about some stuff and I know you wouldn’t but the voice wouldn’t leave me alone.” 

”I’m always gonna be by your side Harry, boy or girl.” Louis ran his fingers through Harry’s hair. ”Hell if we’d met and you’d where a girl I’d gone bi for you. Maybe even straight.” He added as an after thought.

The whole thing made Harry laugh, he didn’t know why’d he felt so scared or nervous about telling Louis. He pulled back so he could look at him. The love was so clear on Louis face, it shined so bright in his eyes making the blue more electric. ”I got so lucky with you Lou, I love you so much.”

”I got pretty lucky with you too darling.” A quick kiss. ”I love you so much too.” Another quick kiss. ”Can’t wait to call you my spouse.” Another quick kiss. ”Wait, is that why you like the word so much, because you’re gonna be both my husband and wife?” 

”It didn’t feel right to just use one of them.” He admitted. 

”Spouse it is then love.” The smile that over took Louis face was beautiful, making his face lit up and the crinkles by his eyes more noticeable. 

”Thank you Lou.” He leaned in a bit.

”No need to thank me.” He said as he closed the distance between them.

~~~~

Later they were cuddled up at the couch, Love Actually playing on the tv, as per requested by Harry. Louis was playing with Harry’s hair and his eyelids got heavier and heavier by the minute, and the warmth of Louis arms was really nice. He was about to fall asleep when Louis nudged him. 

”Mmm?”

”What do you feel like right now?” The question confused Harry in his tired state, so it took some time before he answered. 

”Oh, boy.” 

”Okay, um, do you not want me to call you stuff like princess while you feel like a boy?” 

Harry turned in Louis arms so he could place his head on his chest and look up at the older boy, who was still playing with his curls. ”No, I like that regardless what gender, but, um, you know how you sometimes call me your favourite boy? Maybe you could call me your favourite girl instead boy when I feel like a girl? And use female pronouns?” 

Louis nodded. ”How about a name, do you still want me to call you Harry when you’re a girl or some other girl name?”

That made Harry pause, he hadn't really thought of a name, he knows that he doesn’t want to be called Harry when he’s a girl but he doesn’t really have a name in mind. He voices this to Louis.

”Okay, well you don’t have to choose something right now, love. We can to it together later if you want.” 

”Yeah, I’d like that babe, just, I don’t want Harriet, I don’t like it.” 

This made Louis laugh. ”Alright. ” He took one of his hands and kissed it. ”Just tell me when you feel like a girl and like a boy, alright?” 

Harry nodded since that was all he could do, he loved this boy so much. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was, to have this beautiful, kind, caring and loving boy and to be able to call him his. That he was able to call him that for forever. He sat up a bit pulling Louis with him, while the older boy just gave him a questioning look Harry blurted out the first words he could think of. ”Marry me.” 

Louis let out another laugh, and picked up Harry’s left hand and held it up so they both could see the rings Louis had given him the different times when he proposed. ”I’m going to, see?” 

”Louuuu.”

Louis giggled and it was the best sound in the world if you asked Harry. ”Yes, I will marry you Harry.” He gave Harry a kiss. ”You’re gonna be the next Mr. and Mrs. Tomlinson.” All Harry could do was smile into the kiss. His boy was the best.

~~~~

”Why did you leave?” Louis whined from where he was leaning up against the kitchen doorframe. He looked so cuddly, with his hair all soft and body probably still warm from the bed.

”I was making breakfast which I was planning to bring to my soon to be spouse in bed.” Harry smiled as he wrapped his arms around Louis, and yep, he was still warm. 

”While it’s all very sweet, you could of stayed more, it’s too early.”

Harry giggled. ”It’s 11 in the morning, almost noon.”

”Exactly.” Louis said as he snuggled up against Harry’s chest making him giggle even more. Louis was just so cute. 

He unwrapped his arms from around him. ”C’mon get back in bed and I’ll bring breakfast.” 

Louis whined and unwrapped his arms around his chest. ”Fine, just don’t take long.”

Harry giggled again as he watched Louis go back upstairs before he put the tea and pancakes on the tray before walking up the stairs to their bedroom. 

Louis was laying under the duvet, face pressed into the pillow. ”I hope you didn’t fall asleep on me.” 

He heard Louis snort so it was safe to assume he was awake. He got his confirmation as Louis lifted his head up and smiled. ”Morning by the way. You made pancakes?” He added as Harry put down the tray on the bed. 

”Yup.” He passed the cup of tea to Louis as he sat up against the headboard. 

”Do you have something more to tell me or is this just you being you?” There was a fond tone in Louis voice. 

”Um, bit of both?” Harry finally said as he cuddled up to Louis. 

”Well, let’s hear it then love.” He said as he took both their teas and set them down on the nightstand and took Harry’s hands between his own. 

”Um.” The truth was that Harry had busied himself so much with how he was gonna tell Louis about him being genderfluid that he sorta pushed everyone else from his mind, them being too much to think about and focusing on Louis had been easier. ”Well, you’re the only one I've told and.. I want you there when I tell mom, and Robin, and Gemma, and Jay, and-” Suddenly Louis lips where on his. 

”Of course I’ll be there love.” He stroked Harry’s hands. ”Do you have a plan in mind? Gonna wine and dine them as you did me?” 

”I-I don’t actually have a plan. It got too much to think about telling everyone else so I just focused on you.” 

”Okay, any idea on how you wanna tell everyone?” 

”Um, well, maybe we can have a dinner and invite them over? And then with the lads we could just have a lads night and tell them then maybe?”

”Hey, don’t ask me, I’m with you no matter how you decide to tell them, alright?” He brought Harry’s hands up to kiss them and god, he was just so lovely wasn’t he?

”You’re so lovely.” 

It brought out a startled laugh from Louis. ”Well thank you darling. So dinner and lads night?”

”Dinner and lads night.” He confirmed with a kiss to Louis’s lips. 

~~~~

So a few days after Harry told Louis they called up their families and invited them over for the dinner. Which, well, was today. Everyone was coming and Harry’s been in the kitchen for most of the day cooking and the nerves where really kicking in. 

”Hey love you alright?” Louis voice came from the doorframe of the kitchen. 

”Um, I’m just, I.. I feel more scared telling them now when I feel like a girl.” Harry said bringing her thumb up to her mouth, biting on it.

”Hey, love, everything is gonna be alright yeah?” Louis came up and took her thumb out of her mouth and wrapped his arms around her. ”I’m gonna be right by your side the whole time okay? You’re gonna serve your amazing dinner, and then the little ones will go and watch some tv in the living room and we’re gonna tell them alright? You’re not alone in this darling.” 

”I know, it’s just um....” She trailed off.

”You’re scared, hey, I get it, but you have nothing to be scared of, believe me.” And with that Louis kissed her lips and that was that. It was going to be okay.

~~~~

”This is not going to be okay.” She said as the doorbell rang announcing the arrival of both their families. 

”Hey, nothing like that okay?” Louis said as he dragged her to the door. ”It’s going to be okay, yeah? Say it with me before we open the door. It’s going to be okay.”

”It’s going to be okay.” She said and Louis smiled brightly at her. 

”Exactly.” He said taking her hand and walking them to the door to let their families in. 

As soon as they opened the door they got attacked by two little girls, each of them hugging them and telling them of they missed them. Then came two other girls, much older, Lottie just hugged them and started taking her jacket off telling them she’s seen their faces too much this year to miss them properly while Fizzy gave them big hugs telling them she missed them. Dan and Jay gave them both big hugs too before walking into the living room with a twin each in their arms and taking the girls while Gemma just squeezed past them telling them she just would hug them later in the warmth. Last where Anne and Robin. Both gave them big hugs and she felt her nerves melt away until Anne said ”It’s so nice to see you boys again.” And she froze, how was she suppose to tell her mother that well, she wasn’t always her boy, her son? But sometimes she was her girl, her daughter? 

How she froze was visible as Anne got a concerned look on her face. ”Harry, love you alright?” Her arm came to rest on her upper arm and well, she couldn’t say anything. 

”Anne, I think it’s best if we go into the kitchen.” Louis said, leading her into the kitchen with Anne and Robin following them. ”I’m just gonna get mom and Dan, alright?” The question was more directed at her who had a death grip on Louis hand, she couldn’t do this. 

Obviously sensing her fear, Louis turned more directly to her and mouthed It’s going to be okay. Before he gave a nod and released himself from the grip to get his mom and Dan. 

”Harry, love, what’s going on?” Her mother had worry all over her face, the same with Robin, but she couldn’t speak, she tried to get words past her lips, but nothing came out, leaving her with an open mouth, she needed Louis here. She hadn't even found a girl name yet, what were they suppose to call her? This was such a stupid idea. Maybe she should just cancel the whole thing. Luckily before she could do anything Louis came into the kitchen, Jay and Dan following behind them, frowns on their faces, which only deepened when they saw the worry on Anne and Robin. 

”Lou, what’s going on?” Jay asked.

”We’re gonna tell you soon, it’s nothing to worry about, let’s just sit down yeah?” He said as he came up next to her, taking her hand and quietly telling her that they would have to tell Gemma, Lottie and Fizzy later seeing as it would make the twins all suspicious and worried if they saw her like this. 

When everyone was seated around the kitchen island, all of the eyes where not on both of them but her, she could feel himself start to get cold sweats, how did she tell Louis? Alas she turned to said man, with a pleading look in her eyes. Which is what made Anne break the silence that had set upon them. 

”Harry, what’s wrong, I can see something is wrong, just tell us baby, what’s wrong?” Her voice was shaky but there was that word again, making her feel all icky. 

Nothing’s wrong.” Her voice came out raw and cracked. Why does it always have to be the word wrong? It felt like it was implying something was wrong with her. 

As if Louis sensed what was going on in her head he squeezed her hand. 

”Harry, I can obviously see that’s something is wrong, tell me what’s bothering you love.” Anne said again, again with that word. 

”Please don’t use that word Anne.” Louis calm voice came from beside her. He knew how she felt about it. She had told Louis about it the same night she told Louis about being genderfluid, about how the word made her feel as something was wrong with her, that it was implying that there was something wrong with being what she was, that the voice that still weakly existed in the back of her mind was right, that nobody would love her when they knew about her, that they would agree with it and think she was something broken, something wrong

A frown came over Anne’s face as she turned toward Louis. ”What word?” 

”Wrong.” Was all he said as he squeezed her hand. 

”Why? What’s going on?” Anne looked between them. While the others gave them concerned looks. 

”Just please don’t use it mom.” She said quietly. 

”Okay,” Anne nodded. ”But what’s going on?” 

She looked over the four of them, all concerned looks. Until her gaze landed on Louis. Louis with his eyes that where filled with love. Louis who had a calm face. Louis that was the compass to her ship, the rope to her anchor, the dagger to her rose, the arrow to her heart. 

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Louis was stroking her hand. She could do this. She took another deep breath and opened her eyes. ”I’m genderfluid.” She said quickly looking at the four parents, but stopped at her mother. 

Dan was the first one to speak up. ”Can you explain what that is Harry?” 

Another deep breath and a squeeze of her hand. ”Yeah, um, basically it means that sometimes I feel like a boy and.” She lowered her gaze to her lap, another deep breath. ”And sometimes I feel like a girl. Like today, today I-I feel like a girl.” She closed her eyes. She could feel Louis pulling her closer. But other than that it was silent. She tried to keep her mind blank. To not let that horrible part of her mind through. 

”A.. A girl?” Her mother broke the silence. She opened her eyes, there was a frown on her mother’s face. She willed herself to be positive, maybe she didn’t understand yet. 

”Yeah, sometimes like today. Um, genderfluid is pretty self explanatory, meaning that it’s like fluid, and that sometimes I just feel more like one gender, like today. I’m a girl. Not a boy.”

”This isn’t like transgender is it?” Dan asked. 

”Um, no, like I don’t feel like my biological sex is wrong. I’m just am what I am.” Dan just nodded and gave her a small smile, which felt like a stone just dropped from her heart. 

”So today you feel like a girl, so we should just use female pronouns and tomorrow you’ll either continue being a girl or feel more like a boy and we use male pronouns.” Jay stated. 

”Yeah, also I don't want you to call me Harry when I feel like a girl, like um I haven't found another name yet but, it doesn't feel right to use Harry when I'm a girl.” 

”Okay, whatever makes you happy.” Robin smiled at her. 

”Thanks.” Now she turned to her mother, who was the only one that hadn’t said anything.

”Can I have a moment alone with you?” Anne asked after a moment of silence. 

Biting her lip she could only nod. Louis kissed her temple and squeezed her hand before he left together with Jay, Dan and Robin who all gave her smiles. 

Anne moved to sit next to her. ”So, let me see if I got this right, sometimes I will have a son, and sometimes I will have another daughter?” She could only nod at that. ”And earlier, I misgendered you? Which is why you froze up like that?” Again she could only nod. After that her mother’s arms wrapped around her. ”Oh baby, I love you no matter what okay? It’s just a lot to take in, by the look on your face I thought it was something bad, like you being seriously ill, it became a little bit of a roller coster. I’m sorry for making you believe I disapproved.” As she pulled her away from her, tears escaped both of their eyes. ”How long have you known love?” 

”Um, well, I always felt as if something was wrong on those days I felt more like a girl than a boy, and then it started to bother me more and more when I felt like a girl but people used male pronouns and awhile ago I googled it and some days later I told Lou about it.”

”I’m very happy you told me, okay? I love you, you’re my beautiful baby, boy or girl, alright?” 

She couldn’t keep the sob that escaped and could only nod at her mother as her arms came around her. ”I love you too mom.” She said again her neck and they spend a few minutes like that, just hugging each other. 

”Okay, now c’mon everyone is probably wondering what’s going on and we still got that dinner you prepared to eat.” They got up and walked to the living room, both the pair of twins where sitting on the floor while the others sat in the couches and armchairs. 

Her eyes found Louis’ easily. There was a question in them; everything alright? and she could only smile. Yeah it was. 

~~~~

After dinner, Dan, Jay, Anne and Robin took both pairs of twins and moved to the living room while Gemma, Lottie and Fizzy sat and waited to be let in on what happened earlier. All three looking between everyone else, and especially eying her during dinner.

”So spill, what’s going on?” Gemma went straight to the point. 

She cuddled into Louis side a bit more before facing the three girls in front of her. Even though she’ve said it earlier it still didn’t get easier to say it. ”Um.” She took a moment to just take a deep breath and squeeze Louis' hand, before looking at the girls and uttering the words. ”I’m genderfluid.” The three girls frowned. ”It means that sometimes I feel like a boy and sometimes I feel like a girl. Um, today I feel like a girl.” She told them before they could ask her to explain it. 

Fizzy was the first one to react and all she did was walk around the table and hug her, telling her a soft ”Love you either way.” and then she walked out the dining room and into the living room. 

Left where Gemma and Lottie, who were both smiling. Gemma spoke up for both of them. ”We love you no matter what, you know that right? You’re my little brother and well, sister. I’m always gonna love you.”

”Yeah, same goes for me, you’re family.” Lottie added. 

All she could do was to smile big at them and lean over the table to pull them both into a big hug. ”I love you too.” She told them. 

~~~~

Later when they all were in living room, herself on the floor with Louis between her legs and Phoebe and Daisy braiding her hair, she felt content and decided to just simply tell Daisy and Phoebe. 

”Girls?” She asked.

”Did we hurt you?” Daisy asked.

”No, I just wanted to tell you something.” 

”Oh! What is it?” Phoebe asked. 

”I’m genderfluid.” The words falling easily from his tongue. 

”What’s that?” They both asked. 

”Well, sometimes I feel like a boy, and sometimes I feel like a girl, like today I feel like a girl and not a boy.” She told them. 

”Okay. Can we continue to braid your hair?” Daisy asked.

”Yeah you can.” She gave them a smile and turned around and saw Louis giving her a big smile. It was a good day. 

~~~~

Their family decided to stay for a while so the lads night wasn’t happening until a week after she had told their families. She was feeling good about telling the lads, sure there were stills some nerves but after telling Louis and their families there weren’t as many. The plan was just to tell them sometime during the night, in between FIFA games and pizza and beer. 

The night started with eating the pizzas and just catching up on everything they’ve been doing since they got back home for the break, this could be a good place to tell them she thought as Niall told them a story about something involving a fountain, she didn’t know, she wasn’t particularly listening, since all she could think about was, does she just say it? Like blurt it out, or like prepare them a bit more? Does she--

”Harry, you alright mate?” Niall asked.

”What?” She asked confused, she didn’t particularly like that Niall used mate nor her male name, but she looked past it since he didn't know, but the three lads before her where giving her frowns, did she miss something? Louis was stroking her arm from where he sat behind her, where she was cuddled up in his arms. 

”Well, Niall was just telling us about how he woke up naked in a fountain and you’re just siting here all quiet, something wrong?” Liam asked and again with that word, why do people have to ask if there’s something wrong, why can’t they ask if everything’s alright or ask if there’s something on her mind? Why does something always have to be wrong?

”Liam can you rephrase that please.” Louis voice came from behind her, firm but calm and not asking. She loved how much in touch they were with each other, that Louis could ask and say things she wasn’t able to.

”Rephrase what?” Liam frowned obviously confused. 

”Everything alright Harry?” Zayn asked before Louis could reply Liam, obviously knowing what Louis was referring to. 

”Um, yeah, I-I have something to tell you.” She said as she sat up a bit straighter. 

Zayn nodded motioning for him to continue, all of their faces still containing small frowns. ”Well, the thing is, um, I’m genderfluid.” Deep breath. There, it was out. 

Zayn nodded and gave her a smile like she had just told him something like the weather was sunny, then he picked up his beer from the table and settled himself more in the couch.

Liam looked at Zayn with a frown before he turned to her. ”What does it mean?”

”It means that um, sometimes i feel like a boy and sometimes like a girl.” The words slipped easily out of her mouth. 

Zayn just gave her another smile while Niall shrugged. ”As long as you’re happy.” He said, but Liam was still looking at Harry with a frown.

”Wait, does that mean you have like both a dick and a vagina? I think I saw something about that on tv once..” 

”No, my genitalia has nothing to do with it Liam.” Now she was frowning.

”I’m not sure I understand...”

”It’s just something I identify as, it has nothing to do with my biological sex or anything like that, I just sometimes feel like a girl and sometimes feel like a boy, why is that hard to understand?” 

”I don’t know, but like you just switch?”

”It’s not something I choose, I just feel it.” 

”Okay, but what do you feel now then?” Liam asked his frown going away.

The nerves set in again even though the worst was over. But Louis hand was still stroking her arm so it was okay.  ”I feel like a girl.” 

”Okay, you know we love you right H?” Liam asked a smile on his lips. The other two boys also with smiles on their faces. 

”Yeah, I know.” He smiled back.

”Group hug!” Niall shouted as he jumped up. ”C’mon!” And they all pilled up on the couch, more similar to a puppy pile than a group hug, but that was even better. He loved his boys. 

After a few minutes Louis spoke up. ”Lads, as much as I love you all can you get off, I’m getting crushed under here.” 

The other boys laughed a bit but got up, everyone sitting on the couch again. Harry gave Louis a quick kiss to the cheek and cuddled up more in his arms. Everything had gone fine, and she was so happy. 

~~~~

They were currently settled in their bed, a few days after they’ve told the lads, with the laptop in Harry’s lap and Harry himself in Louis lap. They were currently googling girl names for Harry. It's been going a bit slow, but what Harry at least knew was that he didn’t want the name Harriet and that he wanted a name that started on H. 

”What about Hayley?” Louis asked behind him. 

”Hmm.. It’s nice, but no, doesn’t feel right.” 

”Okay then..” Louis said and went back to reading the names. ”Hillary?” 

Harry cringed. ”Sounds too posh.” 

Louis let out a laugh. ”Too posh? Oh really Cheshire?” 

”Heeey.” 

Louis continued laughing as he pulled Harry closer and kissed his cheek. 

They quietened down and kept silent for a bit looking over the names before Harry spoke up. ”What do you think of Harmony?” 

”It’s cute.” He could hear Louis’ smile in his voice. ”Harmony Tomlinson, yeah, that sounds good.” He nuzzled into Harry’s neck. ”You like it?” 

Harry turned around so he could see Louis a bit better. ”Yeah I do.” A blush spread across his cheeks. 

Louis kissed both his cheeks making him giggle. ”Then Harmony it is.” He smiled and kissed him on the lips. As Louis pulled away he started humming a bit, and then he started to sing quietly into his ear. "She's my Harmony, the magic in my veins. She keeps me afloat, never lets me down. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her." The he was humming again. "I think I have something going on." He said and Harry could only giggle. 

"Oh yeah?"

"Hmm, can also put in stuff about how you're my muse." Louis thought out loud. 

"I love you Lou." Harry was so sure he could almost burst with the love he had for this boy.

"Love you too." He said before he kissed him.

~~~~

A few months later. 

They were currently backstage at Ellen. This was it, they were finally coming out. Harry couldn’t keep the big grin that had taken over his face and Louis couldn’t keep still and was jumping around, annoying everyone with a huge grin. All Harry could do was watch his boy attack Niall to the floor. 

Harry was also also coming out with the fact that he was genderfluid. Their team had been weary about it at first, not really knowing how the public would take it, and that perhaps they should lay some groundwork for it before Harry came out with it. But he didn’t want to wait, he didn’t want to hid a part of himself again, he’s already done it so much and now when he could come out about one part, hiding another wasn’t something he was willing to do. Besides he argued the fact that the fans would figure it out sooner or later, especially since he’s become more confident in wearing women’s clothing when he felt like one. 

Dresses is one of his favourite things to wear, although that’s mostly around the house, but he would really like to wear some publicly whenever he feels like a girl. Not to mention the first time Louis saw him in a dress was something he wouldn’t forget. He didn’t quite expect that reaction. Harry had ordered some dresses online and was trying them on when Louis got back home, and Harry couldn’t have asked for a better reaction. Just thinking about it made him hot all over, which um, right, he’s soon about to go out on international television and popping a boner before hand wouldn’t be so smart now would it?

Harry shook his head to clear his head of the images that had come up. He looked around the dressing room they were in and saw Zayn and Liam sitting beside him just like they did prior to his spacing out, but Louis and Niall weren't in the room anymore. ”Where did Louis and Niall go?” He asked turning to the two boys beside him.

”Louis threw an apple at Niall’s head and ran out with Niall chasing him like 5 minutes ago.” Liam said.

”Since when aren’t your eyes glued to your boy?” Zayn asked with a smirk. 

A small blush came across Harry’s cheeks. ”I-I was just thinking.” 

”About what?” The smirk was still on his face, like he knew what was on Harry’s mind. 

He was luckily saved from having to stutter out some reply when suddenly he had a lap full of Louis. ”Harry, save me from the evil Irish man!” He shouted as he wrapped himself around him. Harry could only giggle at Louis antics as Niall came running in the room throwing an orange at Louis.

”Heey, no throwing things at my fiancé.” Harry said wrapping his arms around said fiancé. 

”He deserved it, fucking bastard.” Niall said as he straighten up his clothes.

”Oi! Watch your mouth Horan.” Louis said back to him as he cuddled into Harry more, giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

Before Niall could throw more fruit at Louis someone came in and told them they had to get ready to go out. This was it, they were doing it. Finally. 

Harry and Louis stayed back a little while the others went to get their places. It was okay they still had time. 

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck and just smiled. ”I love you so much you know?”

Harry giggled and pulled Louis closer by his hips. ”Yeah I know, feeling’s mutual.”

”Well good, or else this would be awkward.” He smiled before sinking down on one knee. 

”Lou--”

”Shh! We don’t have a lot of time and I have a proposal to do so shush just for a few okay?” 

”Okay.” Harry smiled as he looked down at this boy who he’s so lucky to call his. His ridiculous boy that was proposing for probably the 20th time. (Okay, there was no probably, this was the 20th time Louis was proposing since of course Harry kept count.) 

”Harold, sometimes Harmony, Edward Styles-- Stop giggling and be serious for a minute. You are the love of my life, we’ve been through so much these past years, but it’s all been worth it, having you by my side, waking up with you in my arms, having the honour of calling you mine, it’s all been worth it. You’re the kind of person that’s worth everything. You’re the person I would do everything for. Fate has given me the best cards since I got you, and everything else doesn’t matter as long as you’ll stay by my side. So, will you do me the amazing honour of marrying me?” The smile on Louis’ face was breathtaking. ”Are you going to answer me or are you just gonna cry love?” He said after a moment, there were tears in Louis’ eyes, and as Harry took his free hand up to his face he felt his wet cheeks, he hadn’t even noticed, too busy concentrating on Louis. 

”Oops.” He said drawing a giggle from both of them. ”But yes, a million times yes.”

Louis stood up and pulled Harry into a slow kiss. 

”So, no ring this time?” Harry giggled as they pulled away, faces just millimeters away. 

”I can’t give you a ring every time I propose, you don’t have enough fingers, buuut, yeah I got a ring.” Louis smiled, and then he took a step back pulling a ring from his pocket. 

”It’s beautiful Lou.” The ring was simple, yet beautiful, a silver pattern in the middle with golden boarders. 

Louis just smiled as he took Harry’s left hand and put the ring on one of the ringless fingers and pulled him down for another kiss.

~~~~

They were with the other lads waiting for Ellen to announce them and Harry felt like he was on the top of the world. He and Louis were holding hands and smiling at each other. This was it. When they had gotten here the boys noticed the new ring and simultaneously congratulated them and teased them. 

They heard Ellen calling out their name and they were off, Harry and Louis at the end holding hands. When the crowd finally saw them they went wild, screaming louder than they had a couple of seconds ago when their clasped hands were covered from the crowd. It felt amazing and their grins just got bigger. 

”Well, hello boys.” Ellen started as soon as they all sat down on the small couch, Harry was almost in Louis’ lap. ”So I think we’ll cut right to it, what’s going on here?” She gestured to their hands. 

”We’re holding hands.” Harry said lifting their hands up, their tattoos aligned perfectly, making Louis laugh and lean into him more burring his face in his shoulder making Harry laugh too and look at him fondly. 

”Well I can see that, do you have something to share?” Ellen asked with a big smile on her face. 

”Well,” Louis started, trails of laughter still clear in his voice. ”Me and Harry are together.” Those five words made the crowd go wild again, but Harry only had his eyes on Louis. They were finally free. They didn’t have to pretend, didn’t have to act, they could just be themselves, finally be together, no more lies. All of that made all kinds of emotions unleash inside of him so he did the only things that he could think of, he straddled Louis and kissed him. (Thankfully he didn't slip.) Louis made a surprised sound but soon Harry could feel his fingers tangling in his curls gently pulling on them. The crowd was going wilder if that was possible but Harry didn’t notice them, he only noticed the feel of Louis’ lips against his own. 

”Oi!” and suddenly there was a punch to his arm which made him pull away. 

”What the hell Niall?” He asked as he turned around, still in Louis’ lap. The crowd started laughing. 

”Settle down you animals.” Niall said, making Harry blush a bit but he just sticked his tongue out.

”I’m gonna continue to sit in his lap.” Harry said making Niall roll his eyes and the crowd laugh a bit more. Louis just wrapped his arms around his waist and gave his shoulder a kiss. 

”Congratulations guys! Now how long have you’ve been together?” Ellen smiled. 

”We’ve been together since the X Factor.” Louis answered easily while pulling Harry closer to him. 

”How long does that make it, 4-5 years?” 

”5 years yeah.” Harry answered, looking down at Louis, wrapping his arms around Louis. 

”Well that's amazing, I'm really happy for you.” Ellen smiled and the crowd applauded and screamed. ”But that’s not the only thing you came here to tell us.” 

”No, um, no it isn’t.” Harry said as Louis took his hand and squeezed. He looked out at the crowd, they probably were thinking they would announce their engagement but that was something they would still keep to themselves for a while. Harry took one last look at Louis before he turned to Ellen and said. ”I’m genderfluid.” 

The crowd gave him mixed reactions, some screamed but some murmured clearly confused and some were just quiet. Sensing this Ellen turned to Harry. ”Can you explain what that means Harry? I’m not sure everyone understood.” 

”Um yeah, well it just means that sometimes I feel like a boy and sometimes I feel like a girl.” There, there it was, it was out there. This time the crowd gave him loud applauses. 

”And what gender do you feel like now?” Ellen asked. 

”I just feel like a guy.” He told her with a smile and that was that. 

The show continued with Ellen asking about their tour and upcoming album. It was pretty perfect to be honest. There were no more lies. Both he and Louis could be themselves, no one to tell them to tone down the gay or be more manly. They could just be themselves.

Later when he was in bed Harry changed his name on twitter to Harry/Harmony. When Louis joined him they scrolled through different social media, and they both cried with the overwhelming support they had. It was a perfect ending. Sure they were people that were saying they were abominations but comparing them to the supporters, it just seemed like nothing. It felt like the whole world was theirs. It was a pretty amazing feeling. 

~~~~

A couple of years later.

Harmony woke up to quiet. Which yes, during the last couple of years it’s been a rarity. 5 years ago her and Louis had finally decided to get a surrogate, One Direction had been up on break, around 2 years after they came out, and they’ve decided that now was the time to get kids. One Direction is still going on, although not with the same intensity as in their early twenties. But Harmony wouldn’t change it for the world, she got to do what she loved together with her husband and her three best friends, then they had two twins, one girl named Charlie, and one boy named Alex, who were five and biologically hers. Then there was another one on the way, a little girl they hadn’t chosen a name for yet, who was biologically Louis'. 

Turning in said man’s arms, she looked at him, still sleeping peacefully. Eyelashes fanning over his face, scruff dusting his chin. Harmony was still the luckiest person in the world, after all these years. 

”You know that some people think that staring is creepy.” Came Louis’ voice, eyes still closed.

”Hmm.” She gave him a kiss to his collarbones. ”Well you’re not some people.” She said.

Louis chuckled. ”True.” Louis smiled as he opened his eyes to look down at her. ”Morning love.” Leaning down to give her a kiss and getting on top of her and started trailing kisses down her throat. 

Before it could go any further Harmony heard tiny feet running and groaned. No. ”That didn’t sound pleasurable.” Louis commented but soon he heard the running of their twins feet and groaned while rolling of Harmony just as the two twins opened the door and jumped up on the bed with screams of ”Daddy” and ”Papa”. 

”Call down.” Louis said as he grabbed them, one under each arm, and kissed the top of their heads making them giggle. Louis looked up when he saw Harmony being quiet and well, she could only look and hope Louis got it. Louis got it of course and gave Harmony a look of his own, do you wanna tell them? and yeah, yeah she does. So she nodded. 

”Hey kids.” Louis turned to them. ”Sit down yeah?”

They nodded, and sat down in Louis lap. They were beautiful, they had dark brown hair, and while Charlie had Harmony’s curls and her eyes, her personality was just like Louis’. She was mischievous and stubborn like him, and somehow she hadn’t inherited Harmony’s clumsiness, since she was great at football, much to Louis’ delight. While their son Alex, didn’t have her curls but was more like Harmony, sweet, quirky and clumsy. 

”What’s going on?” Charlie asked looking between Louis and Harmony. 

”I have something I need to tell you.” Harmony looked at them. 

”What is it papa?” Alex asked, smiling. 

She couldn’t help but cringe. But before she could say something Alex beat her to the punch. ”Is everything alright?” Looking worried. 

”Of course everything’s alright darlings.” Louis said. ”Just listen okay?” 

The twins nodded and looked at Harmony. 

”What I wanna tell you is that sometimes I don’t want you to call me papa, but um, I-I want you to sometimes call me mommy.” She looked at them. 

”Why?” Charlie asked. 

”Well you see um, sometimes I feel like a girl, just like you.” 

”But you’re a boy.” Charlie frowns. 

”Um, what I am doesn’t matter, it’s just what I feel.”

”So you sometimes feel like a boy, like me, or sometimes you feel like a girl like Charlie?” Alex asked. 

”Yeah, exactly.” Harmony smiled. 

”Okay.” Both Alex and Charlie said smiling. She loved them so much. 

”What do we call you now? Papa or mommy?” Alex asked.

”Mommy.” She said with a smile. 

”Alright!” Alex said and gave her a hug, and Charlie soon joined. ”We love you mommy.” She said which made Harmony hug them tighter. 

”I love you too.” Giving them each a kiss on the top of their heads. 

”Now, can you make us pancakes?” Charlie asked pulling away. 

Harmony laughed. ”Yeah sure.” 

”Yaaaay!” Charlie started jumping on the bed. 

”Thank you mommy!” Alex kissed her cheek and then him and Charlie were running downstairs. 

When Harmony turned to Louis he was looking at her with so much fondness and love, she’d thought she’d combust. 

”Marry me again.” He said making her giggle as she sat closer to him. ”Let’s redo our vows or just let’s get married again, maybe in another country just because.” 

It made her giggle even more. ”So what, this is a thing you’re gonna do now, ask me to marry you in different countries?” 

Louis gave her a quick kiss. ”Pretty much.” Another kiss, making Harmony giggle again. 

”Mommy! Daddy! Pancakes!” Charlie shouted from downstairs. 

Harmony sighed, nuzzling into Louis' neck. ”Why is she so much like you?” 

”Oi!” Louis hit her with a pillow. ”I seem to recall that she’s your biological child.”

”But she’s a second you!” 

”You got a problem with that Harmony Tomlinson?” 

Harmony giggled again and kissed him. ”Not at all.” 

”Moooommmyy paancakes!” Came another shout. 

”C’mon before she wrecks the kitchen.” Louis said pulling them both out of bed.

”Well at least she’s not old enough to burn it, when did you start doing that?” She added as an after thought. 

”Oi!” 

Harmony just laughed as she ran away from Louis. Yeah, she was pretty much the most luckiest person in the whole universe. 

 

Fin.