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I Won't Let Him

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Hey there. Thanks so much to everyone who has been with me this past year, reading the story I've written.

Sorry for not updating for several months. I've had 6000 words for the next chapter before it suddenly came to a crashing stop due to various factors that happened in my life. 

I was in a deep depression, causing me to have trouble writing as I kept doubting my own skill and felt unhappy with my current life. Then I ended up having covid, making me severely sick and bedridden, causing me to miss out on the holidays. 

I met a wonderful girl who distracted me from my negative thoughts, but our relationship became complicated and she had to end things with me before I grew too obsessed with her.

I'm currently in a very low point in my life, where it's bad luck one after another. I'm very sick and tired of being alive, basically. It scares me.

I'm taking medication and seeking a psychiatrist to help me. I'm hoping this, along with being outside and finding excuses to be away from the computer, will help mend my mental health. I'm working to become a volunteer and do community work to try to help people and search for meaning in my life. 

OMORI has been one of the best things to happen in my life. I met so many people and wrote a story that became so well received despite the shoddy writing quality, made so many new friends, and met a really cute girl because of it.

But I can't write right now. I'm not happy with anything. Not myself, not my life, nothing. Despite having so many friends I could reach out and talk to, I feel incredibly lonely and scared. It's a paradox that I can't even understand.

I hope I'll be better again soon. I hope my writers block goes away and I can write I Won't Let Him again soon. I love writing so much, this story was going to have at least 500,000 words and over 50 chapters, it was going to have dramatic and comedic moments, plot twists and finally the happy ending that the would bring me closure to the story of OMORI that I so desperately wanted when I finished the bad ending accidentally for the first time.

But I can't write because I'm fucked in the head.

I'm so so so sorry for disappointing you guys. 

Most of you will comment and reply saying that it'll be alright and that I need to take my time, and that I don't owe anything to anyone, or that I have nothing to be sorry about, but I can't really accept that.

This story originally was made for me, but along the way, it became something made for you guys. The only reason why it's at 200k words was because of you guys. The only reason why I kept writing and writing more and more was because of you guys. I would have grown bored and stopped writing this story ages ago if you guys hadn't kept supporting and encouraging me.

That's why I'm so sorry for taking so long to update the next chapter. I swear to God, the moment I find the drive to write again, I'll continue I Won't Let Him... I'm just scared by then, the OMORI brain rot will be over and no one will be around to care anymore.

This story is officially on hiatus until I fix myself from being the broken shamble of shit that I am. I really do hope I'll come back to it soon. I hope people will still care by then.

It's currently 1:32 AM right now. I'm sleep deprived and stressed and sad and lonely.

I want somebody to hug me. I want to fall in love and not be lonely anymore. It's so empty right now.

Im lucky to be born with a roof and running water. I'm well fed everyday and I can afford all the tech and gadgets that I want. I'm young with a bright future ahead of me. Not many people can say the same thing. 

So why is it possible that I can still be sad and depressed despite everything?

I'm tired. I'm going to bed now.

Apologies in advance to all my friends and editors who will be reading this and getting upset at me for not coming to them for help. I just don't know why anymore.