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Endless Memories

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As he moved through the numerous small villages on the red landscape of the Endless Abyss, the faraway noises of booming volcanoes and rustling of grey bamboo’s white flowers’ petals(which’s pollen is actually lethal(and unpleasant) poison) have become almost as ordinary to him as to you would be a noisy traffic.

 

Lately Luo Binghe has realised that, perhaps, even though his Shizun pushed him straight down into, what the common folk calls Hell— where all the lowest and deadliest of demons and beasts spawn— Did Shizun really have any other choice?

 

It’s a bitter thought, but Luo Binghe’s impulsive self cannot fight the steady creeping of his rationality anymore. What else was Shizun supposed to do? Shizun is a peak lord of his sect, and it would be extremely selfish to continue thinking that Shizun should have let him stay on his peak instead with clearly a demon mark on his forehead. If he did, Cang Qiong would receive many accusations of nurturing demons, eventually falling in respect and size. And that would destroy Shen Qingqiu’s life. And Luo Binghe won’t lie— that was the thing he least desired for his Shizun, even though Shizun had hurt him. A lot.

 

Because Shizun is also hurt.

 

Many things have changed since Luo Binghe fell down here.

 

The bruises have already stopped aching and Meng Mo’s teachings were helpful in learning about his Shizun’s origin. And then, Luo Binghe started evaluating all his feelings towards this secretive man, Shen Qingqiu. All his life, Shizun used venomous words to keep his dearest people away from him, didn’t he? And Luo Binghe watched as Shizun observed and participated in sealing away a heavenly demon. A heavenly demon, just like him. So maybe, just maybe...

 

The words Shizun spat at him were insulting and hypocritical, but Luo Binghe suddenly realised that maybe, Shizun just wanted him to protect him from being sealed away as well? But why throw such words, especially after Shizun was so kind to him earlier?

 

Luo Binghe is tired of trying to understand this man’s thought process. Does his Shizun switch between personalities or what? Because it really seems like it.

 

As Luo Binghe sent a wave of qi via his hands(which was almost like a routine for his daily survival), he remembered the excessive denial that has been birthed the first time he arrived here. And then, the extreme pain and hurt and betrayal, that suddenly turned into desperate rage, and after it came bargaining(which was least memorable) and then Luo Binghe felt as if his mother passed again. Totally miserable and heartsick. Which tardily turned into quiet acceptance.

 

And then, one day, he came to grasp that this is fine. He was fine. At least he is alive. And it’s fine if Shizun will never love him like this and therefore, will never be his. (Luo Binghe is really thankful that he is still sane enough to comprehend that)

 

But here comes the real problem.

 

Luo Binghe is not sure if he will ever be able to fall in love with somebody else.

 

Ha... ha.

 

Shizun is his world and he doesn’t quite know how to stop that. It hurts, but he can’t stop feeling. It is a big, big  problem, because it interferes with his life way too much. And it makes the bruise on his chest stay, even though it stings. It’s as if something has tied Luo Binghe’s identity with Shizun, and he cannot stop thinking of him daily no matter how much he’d try to just not to.

 

Since Meng Mo is useless here, Luo Binghe has decided on finding the way out of Endless Abyss and asking Shizun about this, because Meng Mo knows little to nothing about the terrible thing that is unconditional love.

 

The beast he targeted for his first meal today stopped struggling under the pressure of his chokehold and the inflicted bloody wound. The boy( “Demon! Shizun would call him) sighed, shook his head and struggling, dragged the sack of meat and bones straight into his temporary shelter, a fox den.

 

(He misses Shizun. He misses every single touch. He misses every single smile. He misses all of the many tones of his voice. He misses him more than he even missed his mother. He misses the pure happiness that wrapped him when Shizun praised him. He mi—)

 

Luo Binghe slapped himself and furrowed his brows. Annoying.