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Infiltrators Anonymous

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Priority Alert: CT-6117 has been added to Command Chat

 

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Fox: You know. This could have worked. It could have. Sly, picking the middle of the night. But you have made one very particular mistake.

 

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Fox: I do not sleep and I cannot be snuck past.

 

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Fox: Who the karking fuck are you and what the kriffing fuck are you doing in my fierfecking chat?

 

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Fox: Do you think silence will save you??

 

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Ponds: I heard talking to yourself is the first sign of mental decay Fox’ika.

 

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Fox: I will literally punt you through a karking building you shit, who the hell are you putting in my chat?

 

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Rex: Am I old enough to be reading this?

 

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Wolffe: No. Keep it classy Fox, there are innocent CT vis sensors around.

 

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Thorn: Please. I am asking you as a favor. Have some karking mercy. Thire’s off-shift and the junior medics don’t have the rugam'e 1 to insist Fox mind his blood pressure.

 

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Fox: I will be fucking calm when I have rid the galaxy of annoyances. And not a picosecond before.

 

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Wolffe: Kot 2 for Fox.

 

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Rex: ‘tap tap’.

 

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Thorn: Alpha-17 if you’re actually reading this chat, I’m sorry for your loss.

 

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Alpha-17: We just call that natural selection in my batch.

 

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Ponds: I didn’t even do anything!

 

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Rex: You think maybe that’s the problem?

 

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Wolffe: Rex stop cheating.

 

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Fox: Why the fuck are there more CTs in the chat Ponds? This is not a fucking babysitting service.

 

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Ponds: I didn’t do it!

 

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Fox: Then who did?

 

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Fox: Ponds.

 

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Fox: PONDS!

 

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Fox: I know you have access to the logs you shithead. Tell me who is dropping off their CTs for me to deal with.

 

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Ponds: I will not, because that would be unsporting.

 

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Thorn: Alpha-17, what color would you like your condolences bouquet?

 

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Alpha-17: Black. Like my liver.

 

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Fox: Little blond shit.

 

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Rex: I grew up next door. I camped on your floor multiple times. How do you still not know my name?

 

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Fox: Disinterest.

 

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Wolffe: Senescence.

 

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Thorn: Alpha, will they give you another batch if it turns out the one you did raise had no self-preservation?

 

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Alpha-17: I’ve spent three years using this chat as proof of why I should never be given another cadet squad.

 

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Thorn: Clever.

 

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Rex: You’re already ARC Thorn, don’t need to suck up.

 

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Alpha-17: This is why I need constant reminders that there are people who respect me.

 

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Rex: We all have to have life goals 17.

 

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Fox: Little. Blond. Sithheel. Who the fuck is in my chat?

 

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Ponds: Rex’ika didn’t do it either!

 

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Fox: That was not what I asked.

 

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Fox: Shitty Sheb'ika 3. Which one of you infants is this and why are they here?

 

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Ponds: SHEB’IKA! Fox that’s the cutest. Rex’ika! Sheb’ika!!!!!

 

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Rex: And there’s your mistake 17.

 

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Rex: None of the people who ever respected me are in this chat.

 

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Alpha-17: Sensible.

 

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Vaughn: I respect you!

 

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Rex: You are an outlier Vaughn.

 

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Vaughn: Thanks!!!!

 

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Thorn: Please. Shebse 4. If there is any compassion in you at all, take pity on Fox’s blood pressure.

 

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Rex: Old people are more delicate aren’t they?

 

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Thorn: If I could describe the noise Fox just made.

 

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Rex: Fine. Keeli.

 

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Keeli: What?

 

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Keeli: What is this?

 

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Keeli: No.

 

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Fox: That is what I said.

 

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Keeli: No. No absolutely not.

 

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Keeli: Who authorized this?

 

Priority Alert: CT- 6117 has attempted to remove CT-6117 from Command Chat

 

Priority Alert: Error. This user does not have clearance to remove participants from this chat. Provide administrator credentials to continue

 

Priority Alert: Error. This user does not have clearance to remove participants from this chat. Provide administrator credentials to continue

 

Priority Alert: Error. This user does not have clearance to remove participants from this chat. Provide administrator credentials to continue

 

Priority Alert: Error. This user does not have clearance to remove participants from this chat. Provide administrator credentials to continue

 

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Keeli: Sirs. I am, with great difficulty, attempting to remain professional right now.

 

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Keeli: But I want no part of this.

 

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Ponds: I like him! Everyone, Keel’ika is ad'ika 5.

 

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Fox: … okay he can stay.

 

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Keeli: ‘He’ will not be staying.

 

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Rex: Ponds, we usually pronounce it Kil’ika

 

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Ponds: Cute! Ad’ika Kil’ika.

 

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Keeli: I would like to leave. Immediately. Who has the credentials to remove me?

 

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Rex: Guess

 

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Keeli: Rex I currently have some extremely unprofessional words for you. Delete me.

 

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Rex: Can’t, probably. I’ve only ever known one person to add a person to this chat and then remove them.

 

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Ponds: Did we ever figure out why he does that?

 

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Wolffe: He thinks the dramatic pause makes him mysterious.

 

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Ponds: I didn’t raise him like this.

 

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Wolffe: I blame Cody, personally.

 

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Keeli: Rex!

 

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Rex: No sense of pacing. Artistry is dead.

 

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Keeli: REX.

 

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Rex: I have only ever seen Marshall Commander Neyo remove a CT from command chat.

 

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Keeli: Hello Commanders! This is definitely still Keeli. And if Commander Neyo has a sudden accident and or a crisis of conscience, you should know that this is definitely definitely still Keeli and I’ve been here this whole time!

 

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Rex: Hi Gus.

 

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Keeli: Rex! Still bipedal?

 

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Rex: Apparently. I think your last cursed artifact might have lost its juice in transit.

 

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Keeli: I got another one for you. Definitely cursed this time, no take-backsies. Verified by some guy who really likes curses.

 

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Rex: Is it a rock?

 

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Keeli: It’s a rock.

 

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Rex: Stellar.

 

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Keeli: ;D

 

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Thorn: Fascinating. This is like going to the zoo.

 

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Fox: With not nearly enough karking transparisteel between you and the exhibits.

 

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Keeli: ;(

 

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Rex: ;(

 

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Vaughn: ;(

 

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Cutup: ;(

 

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Fox: WHO THE KRIFF