Actions

Work Header

As Fate May Have It

Work Text:

...And now here they are! The most daredevil group of daffy drivers to ever whirl their wheels in the Wacky Races, competing for the title of the world's wackiest racer! The cars are approaching the starting line: First is Pat Pending in his Convert-A-Car. Next is the Gruesome Twosome with the Creepy Coupe. Racing for a position is the Turbo Terrific and right behind are Blast and Meekly in the Army Surplus Special. Cutting along is the Buzzwagon with Rufus Ruffcut and Sawtooth. Oh! And there's the Slag Brothers, the rugged cavemen of the road! Next we have Penelope Pitstop in the Compact Pussycat. Chugging along is the Arkansas Chuggabug with Luke and Blubber and right on their tail is the Bulletproof-Bomb. And there's the Red Max in the Crimson Haybailer! Sneaking along last as usual are those double dealing do-badders Dick Dastardly and his sidekick Muttley in the Double-0 Mean Machine. AND AWAY THEY GO! ON THE WAY OUT WACKY RACES!

We're coming at you live from Bugtussle, Texas for today's wacky race that will spiral all the way to Yellowbrickroad, Kansas. All the cars are in position and it seems that everyone has it out for each other. One duo that will need close attention as always are Dick Dastardly and Muttley in their Double-0 Mean Machine, the biggest cheaters in the race. All the Racers are under starter's orders...AND THEY'RE OFF!

It's Pat Pending in the lead with the Anthill Mob second and Rufus Ruffcut and Sawtooth third. And look at that, Penelope's putting on lipstick, how lovely. The racers should be wary however as Dick and Muttley are nowhere to be seen and that can only mean trouble.

Speaking of the Troublesome Two, it seems that they're not wasting any time in the dirty tricks department as they seem intent on blowing up a bridge which the others will need to cross. And look at that! The bridge is blown up, meaning none of the other racers can pass! Hold up, it seems that Pat Pending has another crazy invention he came up with for just this event. And it seems to be working! All the other racers roll across rapidly as we cross to our first checkpoint in Weeping Water, Nebraska.

Now it's Penelope Pitstop and Peter Perfect neck and neck for first with the Surplus Six and Creepy Coupe not far behind. But wait, what's this? It seems that Penelope's Lipstick contained poison in it as she's looking rather sick. The poor beauty might be our first casualty as she seems to be slipping out of consciousness. Peter Perfect seems to have noticed and is now giving her CPR, though the other cars are quickly approaching...PETER, LOOK OUT!!! Too late…

I suspect Penelope and Peter's untimely deaths had something to do with those villains as Muttley's snickering from ninth place. They might want to get a move on as we're now heading to Chassahowitzka, Florida. Now it's the Red Max in the pole position, with the Anthill Mob and Army Surplus Special also looking good for a Podium Finish. The Convert-A-Car is in fourth and closely following in fifth is the Buzzwagon with Rufus Ruffcut and Sawtooth.

Uh oh! It seems that the bad news twins have another dirty trick up their sleeve. And it seems that this time they're gonna be targeting the Slag Brothers who've been falling down to their lowly jurisdiction since the beginning of the race. And it seems like the Slag Brothers just went extinct…

...But wait, what's this? It seems that the Slag Brothers are quickly fixing up their car back together and are now back in the race. This is all very chaotic as Dick and Muttley are now in front, with Slag Brothers and Anthill Mob quickly catching up as the second checkpoint is crossed. And it seems that Pat Pending has yet another Wacky invention! The Convert-A-Car transforms…

...And the Surplus Six shoots it down! This could be an upset as the Convert-A-Car's now plummeting towards the Bulletproof-Bomb, threatening to once again wipe out two of the cars in one fell swoop. I wouldn't be so quick to use grenades and dynamite if I was the Anthill Mob right now. It seems the seven have finally noticed and are now using get-away power! Let's see if it works…

...And look at that fiery explosion fellas, truly an amazing one to behold! It looks like we might have a third casualty in addition to our makeshift kamikaze and the Mob as the Buzzwagon's burning up as a result of the crash! It's looking chaotic as one of the Buzzsaws has flown off of the wooden vehicle and has just decapitated Sergeant Blast!

We're already down to a hasty half-dozen as we reach the third checkpoint in Ausable Chasm, New York, and in the lead so far are Luke and Blubber! The Red Max flies in second and the Slag Brothers are in third. The real fight's for fourth, however, The Gruesome Twosome and Dick Dastardly and Muttley are duking it out while the Surplus Six watches all the way from sixth place. The ghoulish duo call upon Dragon Power…

...Which seems to have made them burst into flames! With another cowardly trick succeeding for them, the ferocious felons in car Double-0 dash ahead into first place. The Crimson Haybailer closely follows in second with the Slags right on it's tail. The Army Surplus Special is in fourth and the Arkansas Chuggabug is barely getting ahead in fifth place. Just one more casualty and we'll be making Wacky Races history here, folks!

And it looks like we'll be getting it as the Slag Brothers have just fired a slingshot at the Red Max! The Haybailer's quickly falling down and the daring aviator is screwed as his plane is making a steep nosedive and the only parachute has gone missing! The only hope now is that he's able to prevent himself from crashing…

...And now we're down to four! With the Red Max out of the race, it's the Primitive Slag Brothers who are in the lead, with the devious duo second, Private Meekly third and Luke and Blubber fourth. All of our final four daredevils seem to have growing rivalries with each other as we approach the finish line and everyone tries to kill each other. This is gonna be a close one folks…

...And the winners are Luke and Blubber in the Arkansas Chuggabug! Dick Dastardly's a close second and the Slag Brothers come in third. And it seems like Private Meekly just pulled up in a hard-fought fourth. Having gone through tooth and nail for this moment, our deserving winners in car #8 snag themselves the laurels and trophies they rightfully earned as it seems Blubber's genuinely happy for once.

Meanwhile, It seems that that devious disciple of deceit is rather pissed that he hasn't made it into first after what has been a trying 35 races, And he doesn't seem to be content with the runner up prize of a Wizard of Oz pop-up book and a silver trophy. Drat and Double Drat!