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Thoughts under the Willow

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Today was such a beautiful day. The sun was bright and warm with not a cloud in sight. Such beauty contrasting the bittersweet mood that I was in. I came to our spot after the memorial. I needed a reminder of you untainted by sadness.  
 
So many of our friends came to pay their respects. It ended up being an impromptu concert. I was so moved by all the outpouring of emotion through their playing that I just sat and imagined us dancing under the fireworks last new years Eve. 

I brought my violin and played a piece I wrote for you under our tree.  I wanted to play it for you at the memorial, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. At least the pond animals seemed to enjoy my music. 

My heart aches so much without your love. I miss you so much, but the pain is finally over, and you're free.  

The light breeze playfully toyed with the weeping willow as the melody flowed. And it just reminded me so much of how your hair used to flop over your eyes when you twirled in utter joy.  

The baby ducks are fully grown now, as are the wildflowers we planted near by. I wish you were here to witness the sunset with me.  I wish you were here within my embrace; I miss the warmth and calm you always made me feel.  
   
I sat under our tree until the stars came out. And the cutest little stray kitten climbed into my lap. It had eyes that shone in the moonlight and a purr that calmed my thoughts.  
  
The little ball of fur followed me home! You wouldn't believe the wide curious eyes it was giving me the whole way home. You would have loved this kitty. It's rotund bottom, small head and tiny paws reminded me of a bunny, so I named it BonBon.  
  
 She's such an inquisitive little thing. I carried her into our flat and bundled her up in some blankets on the sofa, but she had ideas of her own. She sniffed and head bumped everything in her line of sight. And finally stopped her exploring in your denim jacket. I couldn't bring myself to remove her from it.  


  You always did tell me to open up more, to show more love to the world. So in your memory, I will give BonBon all the love I can. And share cuddles and seranade her with your favourite pieces. 
 
  I miss having you by my side, making me feel so safe.  It's hard to say goodbye. But you're finally at peace and pain free. I'll love you always, and miss you until we meet again. 

You were my heart and my home, Eddy. At least I can slowly heal with BonBon by my side. I feel like you brought her to me to keep me company until I can see you again. Thank you for loving me.