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Divorces, Dingdongs and Sexually Confusing Europeans

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Richie:

I want a divorce

Cartsy:

We aren’t married

Richie:

I don’t care. I want a pre-emptive divorce

Davo:

???

Richie:

I’M NOT BEING MARRIED TO A PEN

Richie:

All offense, FULLY INTENDED SIDNEY

Sid:

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sid:

Welcome to the team Cartsy :D

Danny:

I feel sick

Claude:

It’s just… so wrong….

Cartsy:

*sigh*

Sid:

We’re looking forward to having you Cartsy

Richie:

This is the worst day ever

Cartsy:

REALLY MIKE?

Richie:

YOU’RE A PEN

Claude:

I hate trade deadline day.

Richie:

You losing any of your babies?

Claude:

Looking pretty likely that Raff is going

Teeks:

I’M NOT OK WITH THIS

Danny:

You wouldn’t be ok with anyone being traded though

Teeks:

I mean, true…

Willy:

The high ups have traded another one of Papa’s babies.

Latts:

??

Willy:

Vee ☹

Willy:

Papa sat down next to me and patted me on the knee and goes “I like you Tom, you don’t leave me.”

Latts:

😥

Latts:

Wasn’t vee Mama’s baby?

Willy:

THEY WERE SHARING CUSTODY AND THAT’S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE

Willy:

😭😭😭😭😭

Chucky:

Talking of trades

Chucky:

Mitchy you better be taking good care of your new goalie

Mitchy:

Matts oversees goalie care on our team

Matts:

SLANDER

Matts:

I take care of ONE goalie

Chucky:

I’ll be mad if you sleep with Davey

Mitchy:

ALTHOUGH he’s not your teammate now…

Chucky:

O.O I HADN’T CONSIDERED THIS

Chucky:

Mitchy your first job when he arrives with you is to find out if he’s into guys

Cartsy:

Weirdly, I feel like everyone who isn’t me has gone to the leafs, how much cap space did you guys have?

JT:

Hey, we lost guys too!

Sid:

Foligno to you guys was a fucking surprise though

Mitchy:

Captain trades are always weird, idk, I like always think you guys as untouchable

Richie:

🤣🤣🤣

Richie:

Lesson 1 of trades: No-one is untouchable.

Nate:

I mean…. Technically Sid is.

Richie:

NO ONE

Sid:

Geno is. That’s literally the only person in the league.

Mitchy:

Isn’t that because you threatened to walk if he got traded?

Sid:

Yup.

Sid:

🤷‍♂️

Sid:

I have no shame. He’s my bestie. He’s not allowed to leave.

Stromer:

I’m just pleased the deadlines past.

Stromer:

I feel like I can breathe for a bit (until krakenday!)

TBeauts:

BUT… imagine (I know it’s not possible because most of you will be protected)

TBeauts:

If Kraken was made up mostly of US

Stromer:

Omg… that would be amazing

Hartsy:

Cale wrote a fic where I think that was actually the case

Cale:

SHUT UP. Stop telling people I write fic :P

EJ:

We all know you write fic baby

Cale:

YOU STARTED IT

Gabe:

He has a point… you really did.

Gabe:

Hey @staalsy, how is montreal?

Staalsy:

Good. How’s Jeffy?

Gabe:

You could ask him that yourself you know

Staalsy:

I’m not… I’m not there yet.

Gabe:

That’s fair

Gabe:

Stuck in buffalo I think is a fair answer?

Mitchy:

Every player in buffalo: can you just, NOT protect ANYONE for the Kraken

Chucky:

Buffalo players treating the draft lottery like it’s their only ticket out

Chucky:

I would full on love an entirely queer Kraken though

EJ:

We need more defense

Mitchy:

Chucky, I’mma need you to start slutting it up around more defense boys

Chucky:

*sigh* it’s a hard job, but I guess someone’s got to do it.

Stromer:

WAIT, I have an important question

Brinksy:

???

Stromer:

Have we roasted TK for calling himself a dingdong on national TV yet

Teeks:

Oh fuck off

Stromer:

DINGDONG

Sid:

🤣 did you really?

Teeks:

Shut up, it was an intermission interview

Teeks:

I’m amazed actual English words came out of my mouth

Danny:

I thought English was your first language?

Hartsy:

Nah, his first language is hick

Teeks:

GET OUT

Stromer:

Yeah Hartsy! Clearly his first language is dingdong!

Teeks:

😠

Hartsy:

You should add your boyf to the chat to defend you

Teeks:

YOU’RE ONLY SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE’D ROAST ME EVEN WORSE

Hartsy:

Dingdong…

 

TBear has changed Teeks name to DingDong

DingDong:

I hate you all

Josty:

It’s ok Dingdong, I’ve got your back

Josty:

Hey Cahtah Hahrt…. WERE YOU AWARE OF YOUR BOYFRIENDS EMO PHASE?

Hartsy:

Um what?

Cale:

GET OUT JOSTY

Cale:

DON’T YOU DARE

Josty:

😇

Josty:

https://twitter.com/_carterhart/status/1383833398670622720?s=21

Cale:

I HATE YOU SO MUCH TYSON JOST

EJ:

Ooooooh full name. Baby’s MAAAAD

EJ:

You don’t need to be mad. You look adorable bb boy

TBear:

You look like you have a myspace profile 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Cale:

ALSO FOR THE RECORD

Cale:

I WASN’T EMO

EJ:

I literally can’t picture you being emo at all in your life ever.

Hartsy:

I’m just thrown by the fact that the person who tweeted that…

Hartsy:

Has MY NAME as their twitter name

Hartsy:

What if I wanted that twitter name?

Dingdong:

😂😂

Dingdong:

They’re fake you, obsessed with your boyfriend.

Dingdong:

Watch out Hartsy… they’re trying to replace you!

Hartsy:

😠😠

Hartsy:

Also emo cale is adorable.

Dingdong:

You think Cale is always adorable

Hartsy:

That’s because he is <3

Josty:

So I just watched the stupid “puck personality” you guys did about who is the best player in the league

Josty:

And Ovi was the ONLY person named who isn’t in this chat

Wilso:

Alex – Stick-wax Ovechkin?

Josty:

What?

Chucky:

Do we think like, being queer makes you a better player?

Sid:

No, but I think having the determination to make it all the way as a queer player means that those of us who DO make it this far who are gay are like, also the ones who work super fucking hard and don’t care about anything except hockey.

Kaner:

#JonathanToewsSleepovers

Tazer:

Shut up peeks :P

Tazer:

You’d have LOVED sleepovers with me as a kid

Tazer:

Workouts and hockey?

Sid:

That sounds like an awesome sleepover

Nate:

Sleepovers at Jonny’s!

Wilso:

@Josty, it took me a while to find the link

Wilso:

HERE IS MY DUMBASS CAPTAIN LOOKING LIKE HE’S JERKING IT ON NATIONAL TV

Wilso:

https://stanleys-mug.tumblr.com/post/649142261776515072

Sid:

Lol, that reminds me of flower who used to like, show his stick some lovin after a good save in practise

Sid:

And then one time he forgot and did it on TV

Chucky:

WAIT, THIS IS IMPORTANT

Chucky:

@Mitchy and Matts…. WHAT THE FUCK???

Chucky:

DID YOU GUYS REALLY DO A TEAM SANCTIONED NAKED JUMBO MESSAGE FOR MARLEAU?

Mitchy:

😂😂😂😂 Yes we did!

Richie:

WAIT WHAT?

Chucky:

https://twitter.com/SanJoseSharks/status/1384336683689070595?s=20

Richie:

… I have no words

Danny:

Why?

Matts:

It’s jumbo

Matts:

He hates clothes

Mitchy:

Also it was funny AF

JT:

They’re wearing proper masks and everything!

Matts:

Some rando on twitter was like “I can’t believe they asked jumbo to strip down for this”

Matts:

YOU THINK WE ASKED HIM?

Matts:

Dude rocks out with his cock out 24/7

Cale:

I’m so glad I have that mental image now….

Cale:

OH WAIT NO

Mitchy:

Still, did you see dad’s special gloves for the game… they were 🔥🔥🔥

Matts:

DUDE I KNOW RIGHT?

EJ:

DID YOU JUST CALL PATTY MARLEAU DADDY?

Mitchy:

I mean… I said Dad not Daddy, and you KNEW WHO I MEANT

Matts:

Remember that one time you DID call him Daddy though

Mitchy:

LMAO YES

Mitchy:

I did it to like… try and weird him out… like make a chirp of it

Matts:

AND HE JUST COMPLETELY LIKE, RAN WITH IT, “Yes, you are my son, what of it?”

Mitchy:

Daddy for life <3

Stromer:

Don’t! You’ll make JT jealous!

JT:

GET OUT PICKLE

Mitchy:

😳 I don’t wanna make Johnny jealous.

Mitchy:

😉 (it’s ok, I’ll keep Patty as Dad, leaving Daddy status unfulfilled :P )

Stromer:

:O

Stromer:

PUT YOUR APPLICATION IN NOW JT

JT:

Pickle you are literally the most annoying little brother I don’t have

JT:

I hope you know that

Stromer:

That’s the best thing you’ve ever said <3 <3 <3