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“Hi, husband”

“We did it!”

“I can’t believe you sang Mariah to me! Mariah!”

“I can’t believe you joked about happy endings!”

“Was it too soon? What if I told you that was always going to be the line?”

“I wouldn’t believe you; and I don’t want to. Your vows were perfect.”


“Your mom though…”

“My god, I don’t know where she pulled that from!”

“I was going to say her words were lovely, even if she almost forgot my name”

“Yes well, the sight of you in that tux would make anyone lose all sense.”

“Could say the same for you in that skirt. Your legs David, and those boots …”

“Do you think we could-“

“Maybe if we went-“

“Yes, yes let’s do that.”

“Quick, Alexis is heading this way. Is she wearing a-“

“Apparently it’s a very expensive and gorgeous white dress, David!

“Do you think they’ll look for us?”

“Stevie will cover for us if they do. C’mon!”


“Shhhhhh, let me…”

“Ugnnnfff. Patrick, fuck …  that’s so…”

“I’ve got you, husband”

“How can you- mmm- say things- oh fuck! … Fuck! Patrick …  I’m …”

“So, first married blow job, huh?”

“My first blow job from my husband was amazing, but right now it’s my turn … no touching my hair though, I won’t be able to fix it in here and we still have to take photos”

“Okay, David”

“I can’t … believe … that I … get to … call you … my husband”

“You’ve been calling me that for m- fuck! … So good David, that’s- mmm … god David ...”

“Not the hair!”

“Sorry! Ohhhh fuuuuuck …”

“Nope, no sitting on the floor in those very expensive pants Patrick. You’ll just have to force those delicious thighs of yours to hold you up.”

“This is your fault. You’re a menace. My husband is a danger to society.”

“Yes, well … pull yourself together, we’ve got photos to take.”

“How do I look?”

“Your shirt Patrick! Tuck it in! … okay beautiful, let’s go.”


“Patrick? Thank you for today. For making this happen. For making it beautiful despite everything. “

“It was always going to be a beautiful day David, no matter where we got married- shhhh yes, even if it was in Roland’s living room.”

“Oh my god, imagine?!”

“David, today was always going to be perfect because the only thing that matters is that we got married and now I get to call you my husband.”

“Can you not? I’m going to get all puffy and blotchy if I cry more.”

“I’m sorry, is it wrong to tell my husband that I love him and I’m over the moon that he’s now my husband?”

“Shut up. I love you.”

“I love you too David. Indefinitely.”

"Ugh, enough! I don't want to cry again before I get to show off my husband to the world!"

"Okay, David."