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“It’s like you don’t even feel.”

 

Six words she wished she could take back. She stood by them. She wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t getting what she needed and she couldn’t ignore that. But voicing that to Yubin had been a mistake. Even now, it still felt like there were no easy solutions. She’d made it worse. 

 

Yubin hadn’t spoken to her since. 

 

The fact that she had simply walked away had been infuriating… at first. Now, Bora was left with a sad frustration that was starting to eat away at her. Why couldn’t they just have a normal relationship? Dating as coworkers was one thing, but Yubin’s personality simply clashed with hers in all the worst ways. Sometimes, loving her didn’t make sense. But that didn’t matter. 

 

She still did. 

 

Yoohyeon had been asleep for hours. Bora’s gaze had settled on the bunk above her. She could’ve burnt holes through it. Her thoughts had been racing ever since she’d laid down. It’d been almost two days since their argument, two days since they’d even spoken to each other. Yubin had somehow managed to ignore her even with their schedules. 

 

Bora was used to it. Yubin could go days without a shared word or a touch. It was just how she was. However, this was different. She was deliberately ignoring her now. Making the problem at hand even worse. Did she realize that? Surely she did. 

 

Bora must’ve really hurt her. 

 

But it didn’t feel fair. Yubin was hurting her. All she wanted was more. Just a little bit more love. More affection. More of the feeling of being needed. She wasn’t asking for much. At least, she’d thought. 

 

Kicking her sheets off, Bora quietly left their bedroom. The rest of the dorm was silent. She saw light shining from under Yubin’s door and came to a stop in front of it, unsure if she was really ready to re-open the can of worms she’d cut into the other night. Something had to give. She took a deep breath. 

 

She opened the door to see Yubin sitting at her computer, headphones on. 

 

Her gaze instantly went to the doorway. 

 

Her brow furrowed. With a hesitant gaze, she paused her music and pulled her headphones down to her neck. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t need to. She wasn’t ready to have this conversation, either. Bora’s feet wanted to move, but she had trouble forcing them to. She shut the door behind her before going to sit on Yubin’s bed. 

 

“We need to talk.”

 

“Yeah.” Yubin spun around in her chair and sat back, “We do.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Do you even know what for?”

 

Bora thought about it before sighing, “For calling you out like that.”

 

“You were expressing how you felt.”

 

“I should’ve done it… differently. I wish I had.”

 

Yubin ran a hand through her hair, gaze shifting towards a different part of the room. Bora didn’t like the air surrounding them. It still felt tense. Yubin was always so hard to read. Feelings from that night started to bubble up to the surface again. But this time, Bora wasn’t angry. 

 

She kind of wanted to cry. 

 

“I could’ve expressed my feelings in a more productive way instead of just accusing you of shit. I know you have feelings for me.”

 

“I mean, do you? That’s the problem, isn’t it?” Yubin met her gaze again, “I don’t express them right.”

 

“It’s not that you don’t express them right. I just… I just need certain things in a relationship. Which, I could’ve just talked to you about that instead of blowing up on you. I was— I just wasn’t thinking. I got angry.”

 

“What do you need?” 

 

Bora bit her tongue. She wasn’t sure why she was fearful of explaining her desires. Maybe the looming cloud of incompatibility was scaring her. That was the last thing she wanted— for them to be incompatible. She’d do anything for Yubin. But she honestly wasn’t sure if Yubin would do the same for her. And even then, she didn’t want Yubin to be someone she wasn’t. That wasn’t what she’d signed up for. Neither of them had. 

 

“I need… I need to feel like I’m needed. Like I’m wanted.” 

 

“What does that look like for you?”

 

Yubin was genuinely asking. She could hear it in her voice, see it in her gaze. That should’ve made her more hopeful. But she could name things all night. It didn’t mean Yubin was capable of giving her what she needed. Bora’s gaze fell. 

 

“Like… Shit, I don’t know. Like cute texts throughout the day. Like long hugs when we see each other after working all fucking day. You— Sometimes, you act like you don’t even miss me. Like you don’t even want to spend time with me. I’m always asking you to spend time together. You never ask me.”

 

“I’m sorry. Really.”

 

Surprised, she watched as Yubin leaned over, elbows resting on her knees as she hid her face for a moment. 

 

“Can I be honest with you? I don’t know if I’ll make any sense, but—”

 

“Of course.” Bora insisted, stomach making a slow drop to the floor. 

 

“I don’t date, Bora. Like, I literally never have. Part of how I am… that’s just me. But another part of it is just I’m so used to being alone that I just don’t know how else to function. And I don’t know what’s expected of me. I don’t know what you need. Well, before all this, I didn’t.” 

 

“So… it’s good we’re talking about this?”

 

“Yeah. It is. I— I don’t want you to be angry. Or feel like I don’t care about you. I care about you a lot.” 

 

“I’m not in love with you. Yet. But I love you so much it hurts. And I get that you’re how you are, but… I don’t know. This is the first time I’ve heard you say you care about me.” 

 

“I’ll say it all the time if I need to.”

 

A small smile tugged at Bora’s lips. Yubin’s lips curved up too. 

 

“It made me really mad when you said I didn’t feel things. I shouldn’t have walked away, but I didn’t know what to do or say. I should’ve just said you were wrong.”

 

“I’m wrong.”

 

So wrong.”

 

“You—”

 

“I’ll be better at showing I care. Now that I know.”

 

“We could start now.”

 

Yubin’s brow rose, “Hm?”

 

“Come here. Please.”

 

A smile making home on her lips, Yubin put her headphones aside and made her way over. Bora wrapped her arms around her the second she stopped in front of her. She looked up, chin digging into her stomach. 

 

“Can we sleep together tonight?”

 

“Yeah. I’d really like that.” Yubin muttered softly.

 

“What were you doing? On your computer.”

 

“Just experimenting with some sounds. We can go to bed now. I can’t believe you’re even still up.”

 

“I was too busy thinking.”

 

“I’m sorry. I won’t ever react that way again. It’s been keeping me up too.”

 

“It’s okay. I’m glad we could talk now.” Bora smiled, “The past is the past.”

 

“Well, we don’t wanna forget it. Then, all this will happen all over again.”

 

Yubin’s hand came to caress her cheek. The fear was long gone. The desire to cry was still lingering, but for a different reason. She was just so relieved. Things were going to be okay. There was something about Yubin’s vulnerability that felt unfamiliar. This was the first time she’d ever experienced it. It felt special. 

 

“Let me change real quick.” 

 

Bora let her go reluctantly and got comfy under her sheets. She looked over to see Yubin pull her shirt over her head and her gaze quickly dropped to the bed. She was surprised Yubin hadn’t gone to the bathroom to change like she usually did. They’d been dating for a couple months now and she still hadn’t seen Yubin nude. She still liked her privacy. 

 

Tempted to look up, Bora didn’t give in. Yubin changing in front of her meant she trusted her, right? Smiling to herself, she laid down and let her eyes bore into the ceiling. In sweats, when Yubin joined her after turning the lights off, she didn’t hesitate to cuddle up under her arm. Yubin held her firmly, leaving a kiss on the top of her head before she sighed. 

 

“This is nice.” 

 

“Yeah? We could do it more often.”

 

“I wouldn’t mind that. But you know I’m always up late.”

 

“I could just watch you work, wait for you to come to bed.”

 

She could feel Yubin’s laugh rumble in her chest, “If you want.” 

 

Bora let her hand go up to Yubin’s chest. She was so warm. She still smelled like that cologne she always wore. Bora couldn’t get close enough. Nuzzling her face in her neck, she hesitated. Leaving a kiss on Yubin’s skin shouldn’t have felt like a big deal. But they didn’t kiss often. Every time they did, Bora’s blood attempted to boil under her skin. Anticipation left her mouth dry. While she loved skinship, Yubin was a bit different. Bora always felt like she was going to start something they wouldn’t finish any time she touched or kissed her. 

 

As her nose brushed along Yubin’s jaw, she realized she really couldn’t resist. 

 

Yubin stopped breathing as she left a long kiss against her jaw. 

 

“Thanks.” she mumbled playfully. 

 

“Want another one?” 

 

“I’d like that.”

 

It was hard to rid the smile on her lips as she kissed her again. Yubin’s head slowly moved, soft eyes meeting hers once she opened them. Bora’s gaze dropped to take in her full lips. Everything in her being was insisting on closing the distance between them, yet she didn’t move. Would Yubin kiss her? 

 

Her heart started to thump in her chest as Yubin leaned down. 

 

It was a short peck. The first one was anyway. They stayed close, Yubin coming back for more after a couple seconds passed. Their lips melded together languidly. Bora let Yubin lead, and heat started swarming underneath her skin. Bora always wanted to just kiss her senseless, but Yubin was always so gentle. Intentional, almost. 

 

Bora ran her hand up, holding Yubin’s cheek as she deepened the kiss. They still hadn’t actually made out yet. It kind of made sense now. Yubin said she didn’t date. Had Bora been her first kiss? She was tempted to ask, but she wouldn’t dare pull away. The last time they’d gotten this close had been about a week ago. Bora needed this. 

 

Yubin tugged at her bottom lip and she hummed, liking the way it sent tingles through her frame. Hyper-aware of how close they were, Bora felt trapped. She wanted to pull Yubin on top of her, but that would probably be too much. She wondered if Yubin was feeling the same way because she suddenly pulled away. Bora felt breathless. 

 

“Sorry.”

 

Rubbing her cheek with her thumb, Bora laughed, “What are you apologizing for?”

 

“I… I don’t know.” 

 

“I like when you kiss me like that.”

 

“I like when you kiss me in general.”

 

Beaming, Bora playfully pushed her face away. The butterflies stayed. Yubin could be charming without even trying. It was kind of funny, considering how reserved she tended to be. It was different on stage, however. She could be shamelessly flirty when she wanted to be. 

 

“What else do you like?”

 

“Hm?” Yubin got relaxed and kept her gaze up as she thought, “I like when you laugh at me. I like the way your fingers tangle in my clothes when you hug me. I like the way you hug me… and touch me.” 

 

“I like the way you touch me too. You’re always so gentle.”

 

“More like nervous.”

 

Amused, she asked, “I make you nervous?”

 

“Always.”

 

Bora reached up to pull her chin back down, “Well, don’t be.”

 

This time, she closed the distance between them. Heart swelling in her chest, she was happy. Yubin being nervous around her was admirable. The desire to tease overwhelming her, she made an effort to taste as much of her as she could. Yubin’s lips were so soft. It was easy to get lost in them. 

 

Their noses still touching, she pulled away some.

 

“Still nervous?”

 

A small laugh left Yubin’s throat, “Yeah.”

 

Bora didn’t think as she moved under the covers. Within seconds, they were off and she was straddling Yubin’s waist. Gazing down into wide eyes, she smirked.

 

“What about now?”

 

Watching Yubin’s eyes take in her body made excitement start to race through her veins. It was too dark to tell, but she was sure Yubin was blushing. She let her weight get comfortable on top of her and felt Yubin’s hands lightly take hold of her hips. 

 

“What are you doing...?”

 

“Teasing you.”

 

“Of course.” 

 

“You like it. Don’t lie.”

 

Yubin just laughed again. 

 

Something inside of Bora was tempting to come to surface. Honestly, this was teasing the both of them. She wasn’t expecting anything, but she certainly wanted something. They hadn’t talked about anything like this before. She still didn’t even know if she was Yubin’s first kiss… It’d be crazy to jump into anything more serious.

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

Yubin nodded.

 

“Was I your first kiss?”

 

“No.”

 

“But you’ve never dated before?”

 

“No.”

 

The question was on the tip of her tongue. She could see it in Yubin’s eyes, her nerves. But being nervous about it didn’t mean that she didn’t want more. Right? 

 

“Have you…?”

 

“Have I…?” Yubin echoed in amusement. 

 

“You know.”

 

“I know.”

 

Bora could feel her heart in her chest. Yubin exhaled, hands holding her hips more firmly. A small smirk took her lips as she finally gave an answer, “I have.”

 

“Oh?” 

 

The heat under Bora’s skin spread without warning. It’d been sitting between her thighs for awhile, but she became hyper-aware of it as they sat in more silence. 

 

“You seem surprised.”

 

“Because I am.”

 

“I’m not that much of a prude, you know.”

 

“Well, you said you hadn’t dated—”

 

“I think we both know I don’t have to date to do that.”

 

“Have you thought about it? With me?”

 

“Of course I have.”

 

Bora didn’t know what to do with the confession. She’d asked for it, but her body hadn’t been ready for an answer. Air felt a bit harder to draw in. Her gaze shifted, watching as Yubin grabbed her hand. Bora’s fingers trailed along her chest as she brought it there to rest. She pressed down. 

 

Her heart was pounding. 

 

“Still nervous.” Bora whispered.

 

“Very.”

 

“I… I was just asking. We don’t have to—”

 

“We don’t have to. But you want to.”

 

“I— Do you?”

 

“You’re sitting on top of me right now… in that.”

 

Bora hadn’t even thought about her pajamas. She was just in her tank top and shorts, what she always slept in. She couldn’t hide her satisfaction. She knew Yubin was attracted to her, but it was different when she voiced it. Feeling good about where they were going, she didn’t hesitate to ask.

 

“Want me to take it off?”

 

She felt Yubin’s deep inhale under her palm. Nerves of her own appearing, she grabbed the bottom of her tank and pulled it over her head. She kept Yubin’s gaze as she tossed it aside. However, Yubin’s eyes had immediately fallen. Her surprised stare melded into something else. The quiet surrounding them felt different. Her hands hadn’t fallen back to her hips yet. 

 

“You can touch me.” Bora muttered.

 

Warm hands slowly wrapped around her curves. The feeling of Yubin’s fingertips made Bora shift some, her body unable to adjust to the feeling. Just her hands there felt amazing. Bora’s mind raced, suddenly seeing and feeling them everywhere else. She wanted it. 

 

It looked like Yubin did too. 

 

“You’re beautiful.”

 

The words made a smile appear on Bora’s lips in an instant, “I’m glad you think so.”

 

“I’m thinking a lot of things right now.”

 

“Show me.”

 

Feeling Yubin’s hands run up her body sent tingles everywhere. She watched them move, slowly curving up around her breasts. Her fingers brushing over her nipples forced a shaky exhale out of her. Her hands kept moving, running back down along her stomach slowly. A few fingers hooked under the waistband of her shorts. 

 

Bora tucked her hair behind her ears as she leaned down, hands finding home on the mattress, so she could hover over her. Nervousness and anticipation kept her from kissing Yubin the way she wanted to. Taking things slow was probably a good thing anyway. Yubin’s parted lips barely touching her own, she felt the feeling go straight between her thighs. 

 

Yubin ended up lifting her head to bring their lips together. Her hands went back to her body, holding her waist as they kissed. She could feel it everywhere. She was barely in anything, but she felt so hot. Her skin was burning under Yubin’s palms. 

 

Licking along Yubin’s bottom lip, she hummed in satisfaction as Yubin’s tongue found hers. She almost couldn’t believe Yubin could kiss like this. New sensations left her wanting for more and as much of her as possible. She knew what she was doing, every motion of her tongue making Bora throb. 

 

Her hands ran back up to her breasts, massaging them as they tasted each other. 

 

She wanted Yubin’s hand in her shorts so badly that she was tempted to ask for it. But she wanted Yubin to do what she was comfortable doing. Reminding herself that they didn’t need to rush, she pulled away. She kissed along her jaw, leaving a trail to her neck. Yubin’s head turned, welcoming more. 

 

She left long kisses against the skin of her neck before finding a spot she really liked. Yubin’s fingers started playing with her nipples. Her hips rolled on their own accord, the feeling of grinding down against her frame pulling a moan out of her. They kept going and she quickly became distracted. She kept her face buried in the crook of Yubin’s neck. 

 

Hands found her hips again, guiding them as they moved. 

 

“Fuck… Yubin…” 

 

The friction was just enough to get her going. Her hips came down slow and hard each time, trying to get the most out of Yubin’s body. Moaning again, she lifted her head so she could hold her gaze. Her eyes had changed. She’d never seen desire in Yubin’s eyes this way before. Leaving them felt criminal. 

 

“Does that feel good…?”

 

Bora nodded, unable to find words.

 

“Do you want more?” 

 

Another nod, the question alone making the heat between her thighs worse. 

 

Yubin urged her to sit up again. Bora moved, letting Yubin sit up so she could rest back against the headboard. Still straddling her waist, she bit her lip as Yubin’s hand worked its way into her panties. The feeling of Yubin’s fingers slipping past her folds made her hips jerk in response. A finger didn’t hesitate to rub up against her clit. Her hands held Yubin’s shoulders tightly. 

 

“Please, yes…” she quietly begged as she started rubbing circles around it, “Oh my god.”

 

Yubin started kissing her chest, tongue playing with her nipple as her hand worked. Bora could feel slick heat leaking out of her, body quickly becoming desperate for more. She already felt like she was floating. She still couldn’t even believe this was happening, that Yubin’s touch felt this good. She held in a whimper as Yubin softly tugged at her nipple. 

 

It was hard to keep her hips still, but Yubin sped her pace up in response. Climbing an all too recognizable peak, Bora kissed her in an effort to keep her noises quiet. Yubin’s lips were a good distraction, but not good enough. Bora settled for resting her forehead against hers as she got closer, labored breaths taking away the silence between them.

 

“Don’t stop. Don’t stop.” 

 

Muscles clenching, her toes curled in a painful effort to prepare for her orgasm. Yubin switched to two fingers, up-and-down motions giving Bora the last push she needed. She was thankful no sound came out as she orgasmed, pleasure sending her body into a tense mess. One of her hands went to tangle in Yubin’s hair. Mouth unable to close, her body trembled as she came.

 

Yubin milked her orgasm in the most gentle of ways, despite the pain Bora was probably causing. She stilled her hand, letting Bora’s hips roll into her touch as they wanted. Her eyes shut in ecstasy, mind focused on the numbing heat tingling all through her body. 

 

As soon as she started to come down, she loosened her grip in Yubin’s hair and held both of her cheeks. Kissing her, she couldn’t keep it up long. She needed to catch her breath. 

 

“Fuck.” she whispered. 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Yubin kissed her again before pulling her hand out of her shorts. Goosebumps appeared the second she held her waist. Bora opened her now tired eyes to see Yubin smiling. She was sure she was wearing one that matched. It got bigger upon Yubin speaking.

 

“Beautiful.”

 

“I look like this right now because of you.”

 

“Even better.”

 

Bora let her hands drop to their laps so she could play with the hem of Yubin’s sweatshirt. Her fingers creeped under it, exploring how soft Yubin’s stomach felt. She wanted to see her too. Touch her. She rose a brow as she mused. 

 

“You are too, you know. Beautiful.”

 

“Barely.” 

 

“You are.”  

 

Bora lifted her sweatshirt some more. As her fingers grabbed the ends of it, hopeful to take it off of her, Yubin quietly cleared her throat. 

 

“I… I’m not really comfortable taking my clothes off yet.”

 

Bora quickly dropped it and held her gaze. The nerves were back. 

 

She gave her a reassuring smile before insisting, “That’s okay… Do you want me to touch you?”

 

“I do, but…”

 

“It’s okay if you don’t.”

 

Yubin’s suddenly tense frame relaxed some. There was something in her gaze that Bora didn’t have a word for. Her brow furrowed, unsure of what she was seeing. She really didn’t mind. The last thing she wanted was for Yubin to feel bad for being herself again. She was ready to say more when Yubin spoke up. 

 

“I just… Sex is weird for me sometimes.”

 

“I understand. It’s really okay. I just didn’t want to neglect you.” 

 

“I’m beyond content at the moment.”

 

Eyes now brighter, Yubin let her head fall back to rest against the headboard.

 

“I guess we took kiss-and-make up to another level, huh?”

 

Amused, Yubin rolled her eyes, “Something like that.” 

 

Beyond content as well, Bora leaned in to kiss her once more. Maybe they didn’t have a normal relationship, but that was okay. 

 

It was still theirs.