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Published:
2021-04-02
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2021-05-28
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115,022
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55/55
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Grimly

Summary:

Inspired by Reptilia28's Don't Fear the Reaper Challenge.

Harry Potter has died for the sixth time, and his personal reaper is NOT okay with this. It seems an overhaul is needed... from much earlier than Harry anticipated.

Usual I-don't-own-this disclaimers apply. :)

(I have virtually no plans for this story, so tags will be added as we go.)

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: Chapter One

Chapter Text

Harry was confused to realise that he was sitting in a chair. They'd just been celebrating victory, hadn't they? Had he lost track of time somehow? Because this didn't look like any office he'd seen at Hogwarts. And the newspaper in front of him wasn't any paper he'd ever heard of.

Opposite was a desk, a person reclining in a chair (face hidden by the newspaper), and a plain white wall. There were old copies of the newspaper around, scrunched-up pieces of paper, empty takeaway coffee cups, and some long-decayed food on a plate which reminded him strongly of Nearly Headless Nick's Death Day party.

Unwilling to sound like Umbridge, but wishing to get the person's attention, Harry cleared his throat. The newspaper went flying upwards, and Harry fought the urge to grin as the person cartwheeled their arms to stay balanced.

That urge disappeared when he realised that he was staring at himself.

“What...”

What are you doing here?” his copy bellowed. Harry had never seen himself as angry as that, and cringed back in his seat. “It can't be time yet... no, you still look too young. You're supposed to be a hundred and twenty-two years old, not, not... How old are you?”

Uh... seventeen, sir.”

Seven... seventeen?” He looked about ready to have a heart attack or something. “I'm going to get fired for this. I only saw you...” He flipped through a telephone card index, the kind Uncle Vernon called 'Too old-fashioned'. “A year ago. It feels like we just cut the cake celebrating your grand re-return to the land of the living!” He gestured to the food.

Re-return?” Harry asked, hoping that he sounded polite.

Welcome back to the land of the dead,” his copy said, spreading his arms wide. “Again.”

I... I know I died earlier, which got rid of the horcrux,” Harry said, tapping his forehead. “But you weren't there.”

No, that old meddler got to you first,” he said grimly. “Still kept secrets. Still didn't apologise for all he put you through. Still didn't give you all the information you needed. This is the sixth time we've met, and I'm going to be demoted if we meet again before you're supposed to die.”

Harry remembered that the Dursleys went to church once, to try to look like normal people. He wasn't allowed to go, naturally. But Dudley and Uncle Vernon were so bored by the whole thing that Aunt Petunia told everyone that they'd chosen to go to a church farther afield, and then they'd go to the movies on a Sunday instead, or do some other fun activity Harry was never allowed to participate in. But he'd heard on the school playground about heaven and hell, about someone called God and his son Jesus, and other 'Sunday School claptrap', as Uncle Vernon put it, that people typically picked up at an English comprehensive school.

So was this heaven or hell? Did it really matter? He was dead, apparently, and would never get to go on and have a normal life, or a family with Ginny, or work as an auror...

Stop it!”

Uh, so who are you?” asked Harry.

I'm your reaper, and I know what you're thinking. You mentioned all of this last time. Well, guess what, it isn't meant to happen like that. You can never have a normal life: you're the Chosen One, get over it, use your fame for something worthwhile. Two, why this Ginny person? The initial's correct, but your soulmate is some Granger girl, not some Ginny girl. Did you hit your head after I sent you back?”

I've hit my head numerous times,” Harry said drily.

I'm well aware,” his reaper said. “As for being an auror, forget what your father did. He chose that profession in a time of war. You've chosen it in a time of war. Once the war is over, do you really want to keep fighting?”

Well, Ron wants to become an auror--”

The reaper held up his hand to silence Harry, and began flicking through some files in his drawer.

Ron, Ron... nope,” he said. “He doesn't want to do anything which comes with so much paperwork to fill out. He just wants to ride your coat-tails and get you to do the hard work. Why do you think he wants your soulmate there? She does the work for all three of you right now.”

That's not fair!” Harry argued.

Really?” the reaper said, sitting back as his eyes narrowed. “You both worked hard enough when you started out at school, all eager to learn. As soon as you made friends with,” he glanced at another file, “Hermione Granger, your soulmate, you two began to leave most of the work to her. You had to do your own written assignments before that; afterwards, she seemed more interested in getting you through school. It's a wonder she hasn't aged prematurely with the burden she took on, keeping the two of you up to snuff. She could do so much better than you.”

Maybe,” Harry said. “But she and Ron--”

Ever heard of love potions?” the reaper said. Harry stopped short. “Of course, you learnt about them in your sixth year. When she suddenly showed a lot more attraction to this Weasley boy, and you started showing attraction to his younger sister. What a coincidence. You were so engrossed in an old book that you didn't notice anything else. And without their older siblings to keep an eye on them, and with the inefficient staff at that school of yours...” He made a thumbs-down gesture.

You're saying we were potioned?”

Mmm-hmm.”

And... and I've died before.”

Six times, including now, not including the horcrux,” the reaper said, kicking his feet back up onto the desk.

Then why don't I remember? And why do you look like me?”

I look like you because I'm your personal reaper,” he said slowly, as if Harry were particularly stupid. “Genius.” Harry scowled. “And you're not supposed to remember this place. It's very hush-hush. Unfortunately,” he sighed, “erasing the memories of this place also erases the memories of what you're told to fix.”

Oh, that's very helpful.”

Don't get sarcastic with me, Harry James Potter! You're on very thin ice.” He slammed his hand against the wall. “We need special permission and a contract, or he'll just keep screwing up!”

I really don't understand what's going on,” Harry said, feeling a bit despondent. Someone he thought was his best friend was complicit in... in attempted rape. Harry had only had crushes before, but it felt like the real thing with Ginny. He'd been planning on marriage if they survived the war, as soon as she graduated from Hogwarts.

Was Ginny aware of--”

Yes,” his reaper said shortly. A hole opened up in the wall and a handful of papers were passed through. He sat back at the desk and pulled a fountain pen out of thin air. “She's smarter than he is. Who do you think actually brewed the potions?”

Harry felt sick. Wasn't there anyone he could trust?

Now,” his reaper said, rapping on the desk to get Harry's attention. “This time, when you're sent back for another life, we're doing things differently.”

But... bad things happen to people who mess with time--”

His reaper snorted.

Only when you humans are the ones to mess with it,” he said. “We'll choose a good date for you to return to your body, this time with your memories intact. To cover ourselves – and you – there will be a block so that you can't actually do things you're not yet capable of. You can't yet perform spells that you've already mastered unless you go back to an age where you've mastered them. You have to re-learn things. There'll also be a block on your mind so the meddler can't see what you know. You could choose to tell him, of course.” The reaper gave Harry a dark look. “He will only believe it if he believes that you are telling the truth. This applies to anyone you talk to. But don't go around telling everyone about this. Your soulmate can be trusted; anyone else should be considered very carefully. Especially those who misuse their power. And anyone too close to those who misuse their power. If it's something you wouldn't tell your enemy, don't tell anyone who knows your enemy.”

Harry was starting to get a headache.

So if someone believes that I'm telling the truth, then they'll, what, just know that what I'm saying is true?” he said. “With all due respect, that's how belief works. And so many people never bloody believe me that your secret couldn't be safer with anyone else,” he added bitterly.

Your soulmate will always believe you,” the reaper said. “Now, this contract states that you will fulfil that damned prophecy as soon as possible, get together with your soulmate, and – so I don't see you too soon from something like an aneurysm – choose a less stressful job than law enforcement! Do you think you can manage to do that?”

But what if the smallest change that I make to the timeline alters everything else so that I can't do the job? And... and what if I just want to stay here after all?”

Is the prospect of a long and mostly happy life just too much for your poor little brain to handle?”

Harry growled. He almost sounded like Sirius.

Nothing in life goes right for me,” he said.

And nothing in death will go right for you, since you're here over a century too early,” his reaper finished, shoving the papers towards Harry and slamming the pen down. “I liked you better as a baby. That was the first time you died. The meddler left you on a doorstep in the middle of a late autumn's night. You perished from hypothermia. Oh, now you grow enough common sense to read something before signing it? Fine. I'll wait. Stupid, stubborn kid.”

Harry ignored him. The contract did indeed state that Harry would have his memories of the afterlife intact, until he reached the age at which he died this last time. Then the alternative timeline's memories would disappear. That date and time was his deadline... literally. He would be able to speak about his time in the afterlife, but no one would believe him unless and until they realised that he couldn't be doing anything but telling the truth. No one could use Legillimency on him. He wouldn't be able to demonstrate any knowledge he wasn't yet supposed to have.

Should've been in Slytherin,” the reaper sang softly.

What do you mean?”

You're too blunt. You'll have to learn how to imply and mislead and misdirect.”

Well, that isn't fair. How can I talk about the horcruxes and make sure they get destroyed if I go back to, say, my fourth year?” Not that he wanted to do the Triwizard Tournament all over again.

So you're happy to let,” he consulted the files, “Peter Pettigrew get away, let students be petrified, almost lose to Tom Riddle in your first year... You're happy to start in your fourth year?”

Wait, so there's no limit on how far I can go back?”

His reaper sighed.

Your parents can't be brought back,” he said. “They weren't supposed to be together in the first place, but other forces, arguably stronger than us, led them astray from their intended paths. Because they didn't die until after the prophecy was created, no one here knew what had happened. And the prophecy sealed their fate, leading to their deaths as punishment for not following their own destinies. If we'd known sooner...” He spread his hands, looking at Harry with genuine compassion for the first time. “I'm sorry. And there's nothing you can do as an infant. You have to be able to walk and talk coherently, at the very least.”

Tears spilled down Harry's cheeks. For a moment he'd held out some hope... but he should've known better. He sniffed.

I don't know how to do this, other than the way it all went,” he said. “How can I get to the Lestrange vault sooner? How can I destroy the horcruxes without going up against the basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets? What do I do about Sirius being in jail?”

Ah, now, do you remember something I said earlier?” his reaper said, suddenly smiling.

Uh... which part?”

Where I much preferred you as a baby.”

Harry frowned.

But you just said that I have to be able to walk and talk--”

Perhaps so, but young children are still adorable enough to melt most people's hearts, and, shall we say... influence them?”

Harry considered it.

I suppose so,” he said. “But how do I deal with the Dursleys?”

His reaper eyed him carefully, then flipped through a large file with a red cross stamped on the front. Was that file for Harry's medical issues? No wonder it was so thick.

I've got an idea,” the reaper said. “But first let's set up a plan. I'll tell you everything that I can. Then I'll write the date on the contract and, as soon as it's signed, you'll be back in your own body, back in time, and on your own. Do you understand?”

Harry nodded. He felt oddly... relieved.