Everything Is You
Summary: They were tipsy, fighting over her phone. Kalinda poking at her about sleeping with Will. What could happen when Alicia’s wall finally breaks down?
The bar was alive with drunk bridesmaids and even drunker groomsmen. The wedding obviously carried over from the ballroom into the hotel’s bar. It wasn’t their usual watering hole. They usually chose the classy bar down the street from Lockhart/Gardner, but tonight they wanted something different. Actually, tonight, Alicia wanted something different. She wanted to be in a place where no one would recognize her. Everyone around them were too drunk to notice the state’s attorney’s wife sitting too closely to the lead investigator in their firm. No one noticed that she didn’t pull away when the young woman leaned in to move a few strands of hair behind her ear. Alicia raised her glass to the bartender while Kalinda was laughing at something she said. They were both tipsy. Both forgetting they represented one of the top firms in Chicago. They giggled and touched without a care in the world.
Alicia’s phone vibrated on the bar, startling the usually posed attorney. They hadn’t been bothered in hours. Alicia had called Zach to let him know that she was working late and that Jackie was staying with them for the night. She had called Peter to let him know that the case they were working on was becoming more and more complicated. He felt better when he heard Kalinda’s voice in the background instead of Will’s. Alicia had let Jackie know that she would check on them in a few hours just to make sure she was all right. Despite what Jackie had put her through over the years, she loved her mother-in-law. As she saw Will’s number pop up on the screen she ignored the call. She couldn’t talk to him when she could barely remember what hotel she was in. She would inevitably say something revealing that she didn’t really mean. She grinned as Kalinda winked and took another shot. She had been well aware that the investigator had been leaning close in order to see who was calling her after ten p.m. As she moved to put her phone in her purse, Kalinda’s hand covered hers, tugging gently on the black plastic.
Kalinda grinned wickedly as Alicia’s hand tightened around the phone. She sat her shot glass down to prevent losing her alcohol. “Let go,” she said, trying hard not to laugh. Her fingers gently covering Alicia’s, feeling the electric shock running up her arm.
Alicia just looked at her, shaking her head laughing. “Hell no, I know what you’ll do with it,” she said through a hiccup. There was no way she was going to allow Kalinda to call the one person that had been pursuing her over the last year. And she didn’t need any more reasons for Peter to be on her case.
Kalinda tried to keep her stern face as she tugged on the phone. “Come on, Alicia. Will feels the same way about you.” Alicia was the only woman Will talked about when they were alone. Confessing to her that he had loved the woman since their time at Georgetown. Asking for the investigator’s advice on how to convince Alicia to go on a date with him. She had never brought up the subject, sensing she wasn’t getting the entire story from either of the parties involved. But she could see it every time she looked at Alicia. Every time she saw them in a room alone standing too close. Every time he gazed at her when she wasn’t looking. Kalinda saw it all, and she wanted nothing more than for her friend to be happy.
Alicia laughed and rolled her eyes as she jerked her phone away. Stashing it at the bottom of her purse. “No he doesn’t,” she said, turning back to the investigator. Alicia knew exactly how Will felt about her. She had known since the day he walked back into her life. William Gardner was never one to hide how he felt about anyone or anything no matter what it cost. He had told her repeatedly all through law school. Had tried to win her over before she married Peter. Had tried to convince her not to leave the work force after she had Zach, but she never listened. She hadn’t listened since Georgetown. Hadn’t wanted to hear anymore of his confession or advice. But no one knew that. She had never talked to anyone about that time in her life.
Kalinda took the last shot that sat in front of her, watching Alicia smile as she smirked at her. The investigator had never seen a man love a woman as much as Will loved her. He chased her around like a puppy hoping for a little attention. He showered her with praise in front of the other partners. Will was the one that had Kalinda bury evidence that Alicia was about to get fired from her previous job for not having a lawyer’s instinct. In all the years she had known him, Kalinda had never seen him go beyond the extra mile for a new hire. She had never even seen him protect Diane as much as he protected Alicia. “Yes, he does.” She struggled with her purse for a moment before pulling out her own phone. Laughing as she tried to unlock the screen. “I call Will. I tell him we’re in a bar. That you’re too drunk to go home...” She giggled as Alicia rolled her eyes, almost knocking over her drink trying to brush Kalinda’s hand off her arm. “I tell him you’re getting a room upstairs.” Kalinda held a seriousness in her voice. Although far to drunk to take much of anything seriously, she knew if she showed an ounce of humor Alicia wouldn’t take her words as the truth. Her hand resting on Alicia’s arm. “Just one night, Alicia. No repercussions.” Kalinda felt the muscles tense under her fingers. Alicia wasn’t giving in as the investigator had thought she would. Her wall was instead growing taller.
It wasn’t that Alicia hadn’t thought about it. She had done nothing but think about Will since being hired at Lockhart/Gardner. Having a one night stand with Will. Hurting Peter as deeply as he had hurt her. But she couldn’t hurt Will. That was a line she was never willing to cross. She cherished the relationship she had with the man that had been her friend for over twenty years. She refused to tarnish that with revenge sex. A one night stand would never be enough for him. He would always want more from her. He always had demanded more from her than she was willing to give. He wanted it all, but he was also the first one that broke her. The first person to show her what real pain felt like. “And tomorrow?” she asked, glancing up at Kalinda through her lashes. Marveling at her lack of embarrassment for their very public conversation.
Kalinda’s hand covered hers. She could feel the tension in Alicia’s long pale fingers even as her own ran soothingly over them. Noticing for the first time that Alicia had taken off her wedding band. The slightly paler skin had the typical semi-permanent indent from almost two decades of marriage. How had she not noticed? She made it a habit to check for wedding bands on everyone she came into contact with that day, except Alicia. Over the past year, she had just become accustom to the fact that the attorney was married. Seeing the ring every day, feeling it against her own hand when Alicia would reach for her, it was just a ghost that was always there. Kalinda watched her for a moment, observing, as her fingers passed over the now bare flesh. She saw the goosebumps appear on the older woman’s arm as her hand finally relaxed. It was an invitation that Alicia had no idea she was giving. “Tomorrow you wake up.” Peter was being released from house arrest the following morning. All the investigator wanted was for her friend to have a little fun before her husband was wandering the streets for another hooker. She deserved a few hours of happiness after the last year of constant questions and having to shield her children from every news station that Glen could buy off.
Alicia wasn’t interested in Will. Not in the same ways that everyone hoped she would be. Will was the most handsome man she had ever met. He would do anything to help anyone if he could. Unfortunately for Alicia, he was also the first person to throw it in your face. She would never have a sexual relationship with Will. She would never be interested in anything more than his semi-friendship. She was more interested in the goosebumps that were developing on her skin as Kalinda’s fingers moved over the veins in her wrist. Alicia was fascinated by the way her fingers twitched with every little touch from the beautiful woman. She shivered as small jolts of electricity traveled up her arm. She wanted to focus on the somersaults that were turning her stomach into a washing machine. “It’s not me, Kalinda,” she said, thinking of how badly it would hurt her relationship with Will. How badly their relationship had already been damaged an entire lifetime ago.
Kalinda leaned forward, brushing a few strands of hair behind Alicia’s ear. The woman’s hair was incredibly soft as it slipped through her fingers. As the tips of her fingers brushed against Alicia’s cheek, she felt a sudden jolt of something unfamiliar. Her hand rested beneath Alicia’s chin, waiting until green eyes met her own. There was something in the attorney’s eyes that hadn’t been there a few hours ago. A want and determination she had never seen before. “Everything you want to be you, is you, Alicia.”
Alicia’s hand trailed up Kalinda’s arm, slightly surprising the investigator by her almost silent gasp. Delighting in the goosebumps that appeared on the sensative skin as her fingers interlaced with Kalinda’s. Bringing their hands down to the bar. It should have felt wrong. It shouldn’t have felt natural as her fingers continued to moving slowly against the investigator’s. Alicia no longer saw the bar full of drunk party goers. She no longer cared about the men that had been watching them throughout the night. Alicia no longer cared that she was still the wife of Peter Florrick, the former state’s attorney. At that moment, all she cared about was how normal and safe she felt with Kalinda. She didn’t have to worry about anyone hurting her anymore. She didn’t have to worry about what everyone would think and say when she felt Kalinda’s skin against her own. It had been a decade since she felt special to anyone. “Can I ask you something that might offend you?”
Kalinda would blame it on the alcohol tomorrow. For the moment, she was fascinated by her bodies reaction to simple, everyday touches. Alicia touched her all the time. Everyday in the office, a simple hand on the small of her back sent shivers up her spine. A friendly hand on the arm in comfort, always meant so much more coming from Alicia. Kalinda could feel every man in the bar beginning to stare at them. Watching the intimate reaction as it unfolded. The investigator tilted her head to the side, smiling as her eyes moved from Alicia’s eyes to her lips. “Not easily offended,” she muttered, allowing her fingers to move slowly with Alicia’s. Enjoying having the older woman’s attention completely on her, if only for a little while.
Alicia shakes her head, smiling at the thought of the question leaving her lips. But it had been a long time since she felt comfortable with anyone. With Kalinda, everything was easy. They didn’t have to talk about everything. They could read each other well enough to know what the other was thinking and feeling. In the office, people had noticed they could finish each other’s sentences. They would accidentally drink out of the same coffee mug when they weren’t paying attention during the morning meetings. And everyone knew where one was the other was never too far away. Alicia thought of all those little things that had been pointed out to her by her assistant, Courtney. All those small moments that meant nothing to her at the time, caused her heart to beat faster as she looked into Kalinda’s brown eyes. “Are you gay?” she asked looking away for a moment before her eyes were drawn back to the investigator’s.
Kalinda couldn’t hold the laugh that suddenly burst from her chest; her fingers tightening around Alicia’s. It wasn’t that it was funny. It wasn’t even the question. It was Alicia asking the question. Married Alicia. Someone that she had considered off limits to her for so long. But Alicia’s face held it’s seriousness, and her fingers never stopped moving against hers. Her brow furrowed as she moved her chair closer to her best friend. She had seen Alicia act serious and stern with clients and other attorney’s. Kalinda had never seen this level of seriousness or openness from her in all the time she had known her, in all the situations they had found themselves in. She leaned closer, not wanting the world to hear the remainder of their conversation. “Why does it matter?”
Alicia smiled, the alcohol helping calm her nerves. Her right hand tentatively sliding to Kalinda’s stocking covered knee. The black material soft beneath her fingers. She took a slow breath as her fingers caressed the skin of her inner thigh. Watching Kalinda’s eyes flutter closed for a moment as she felt the sudden shiver rock her body. All the noise in the room disappeared. All the movement around them slowed. All Alicia could focus on was the way Kalinda bit her lip as her eyes fluttered open. “You’re answer determines my next question,” she whispered, glancing down at Kalinda’s lips as she made a show of licking her own. Tilting her head to the side, smirking. Proving she was just as sexual as the woman she was teasing.
Kalinda had never seen Alicia openly flirt before. And she had definitely never seen Alicia presenting herself with so much power. Her green eyes dilated, Kalinda could see the slight shake of the hand on her knee. She could almost hear the other woman’s heartbeat just as well as her own. Alicia was in complete control of her sexuality at that moment. And the longer Kalinda allowed the woman to play with her, the more control she had over her. But the attention Alicia was showing her was something she wasn’t yet ready to give up. With the attorney’s eyes only focusing on her, Kalinda felt like the most important person in the world. She grinned as she squeezed Alicia’s hand. “And if I said no?” she asked, glancing up at her through her lashes.
Alicia shrugged, pushing her drink away, signaling to the bartender to bring their check. She didn’t want to be drunk if Kalinda did say yes. She shifted on her stool, slowly removing her hand from the investigator’s thigh. Not touching the younger woman was becoming a struggle. The warmth and safety her touch offered was something Alicia hadn’t experienced in many years. With Kalinda she knew everything. She knew how the investigator was feeling on any given day. She could tell from the moment she saw Kalinda in the mornings if she had slept the night before or spent it drinking. She could see and feel it all. But she would never push the subject. She would never put the investigator in a situation to choose between their friendship and something more if they couldn’t have both. It wasn’t worth losing one over the other. Alicia looked at Kalinda with a gentle smile. “If you said no, I’d ask if you wanted to share a cab because I’m done drinking.”
Kalinda moved slightly closer. The toe of her boot resting on the bar between the attorney’s feet. Her knee gently pushing her legs apart. Matching Alicia’s confidence and sexuality with her own. Kalinda leaned forward, brushing her fingers down the side of Alicia’s neck. Feeling her pulse quicken as her fingers stopped at her carotid artery. Kalinda could feel the rapid pounding against her finger tips as she bit her lip to stop a moan from escaping into the bar. “And if I said yes?”
Alicia smiled, holding Kalinda’s erotic gaze with her own. She didn’t see the men ogling them from across the bar. She didn’t hear the wolf whistles coming from the drunk groomsmen. All Alicia saw, all she felt and smelled was Kalinda. “I’d ask if it only had to be one night?” Alicia saw Kalinda’s jaw tense and could feel her beginning to move away. Her beautiful, smiling face suddenly turning to discomfort and frustration. She could feel the pain radiating through the investigator’s heart as if it were running through her own. And Alicia knew why. “I filed for divorce three days ago,” she whispered, holding tight to Kalinda’s hand on her thigh. “He’ll get the papers delivered to his new address Monday morning, courtesy of Diane.”
Alicia would never step out of her marriage. She had made a commitment fifteen years ago and until she signed the divorce papers and had them presented to Peter she never would have. But her marriage was over. The commitment Peter had made to her had been broken. Her trust for the man that had promised to love her until his dying day had been shattered. Alicia felt no guilt as she squeezed Kalinda’s hand, waiting for her to answer the question that was still burning in the front of her mind. She had made her decision early that morning to pursue Kalinda. She had denied her feelings for the beautiful, mysterious woman for so long it was becoming exhausting. Alicia needed Kalinda like she needed air; there was no other choice.
Kalinda smirked, of course Alicia had already planned the conversation out in her head. She had probably practiced it a few times in the mirror before she worked up the courage to say the words out loud. Alicia was a planner. She had already taken care of her marital situation. She had already processed her feelings. Kalinda took a deep breath, allowing herself to fall into Alicia’s gaze. She had loved the beautifully powerful attorney from the first day she had met her. The investigator admired the woman’s bravery from the instant Will told her the previous state’s attorney’s wife was joining their firm after not practicing law for over a decade. Her beauty was something that caused Kalinda to pull herself off cases with other attorney’s and focus all her time on Alicia’s cases. Her natural sweetness and attention she paid to her caused an ache to begin deep in her chest when Kalinda couldn’t be around her. The investigator searched for any reason to spend more and more time with her. She adored how kind and empathetic the older woman was toward their clients. She loved how well Alicia was with the small children that passed through the office from time to time. Alicia cared about everyone, despite their situation. That was what Kalinda had fallen in love with. “Yes,” she whispered.