They’re about forty minutes into the second movie when Nobara asks, “so like, I guess the face doesn’t matter for you?”
“Huh?” Yuuji blinks. He’s leaning forwards on his seat, far enough that he seems on the verge of just falling off the couch entirely. “Sorry, say that again?”
Nobara lets out a long exhale through her nose. “I said, I guess the face doesn’t matter to you.”
“Uh-huh.” Yuuji says vaguely, pawing around Megumi’s lap for the popcorn bowl, grabbing a fistful and cramming it into his mouth. More than a few kernels miss, tumbling off his cheeks and onto the floor, joining their fallen brethren.
Nobara looks ready to blow a gasket. Megumi quickly picks up the remote, pausing the movie and turning to flick Yuuji in the forehead. “Pay attention dumbass.”
Yuuji rubs at the spot with a pout, whining, “come on, this is a really important part!”
“You’ve seen this movie six times.”
“And you guys haven’t!”
“But we don’t care.” Nobara interjects, reaching over Megumi to administer some punishment of her own. Yuuji groans, but doesn’t make any attempt to dodge her jab to his ribs, instead accepting it with a little wince and a resigned sigh. “Did you even hear what I said?”
Yuuji frowns, rubbing at his side. “Something about faces?”
Nobara buries her face in Megumi’s neck with a heavy sigh. “Why are you so stupid.”
“To be fair,” Megumi starts, patting her head comfortingly. “It was kind of a vague question. I heard it but didn’t really understand it, so like, maybe explain it again…?” He trails off, bracing himself for her blow.
Surprisingly, thankfully, she decides that he doesn’t deserve one, instead looping her arms around his torso, snuggling into his side. She looks up at him, her face squished against his hoodie, eyes wide and cheeks puffed in an angry pout. Megumi flushes, and resists the urge to pinch her cheek fondly. Yuuji also flushes, but chooses instead to risk more bodily harm and give into his desires. “It’s like mochi.” He mumbles, tugging at her cheek. Nobara screws up her face, batting at his hand.
“What is it with you two and pinching my cheeks!” She splutters, grabbing Yuuji’s wrist and twisting it. Megumi quickly moves the popcorn bowl off of his lap and onto the coffee table before they start wrestling on top of him.
“They’re squishy!” Yuuji protests, struggling in her hold. Not that he can’t break free of it, he just probably doesn’t know how to dislodge her without causing some serious damage, so he’s forced to give up on defending himself. “What’s wrong with your boyfriends wanting to pinch your cheeks, huh?”
“You only do it when I’m trying to do something.” She snaps, letting go of his wrists to throw her hands in the air. “Ugh, like now! You distracted me! What was I even talking about. This is your fault you awful little man.”
“Who are you calling little!”
“Oh my god.” Megumi groans, putting his head in his hands. “Nobara, you said something about Yuuji not caring much about the face. Yuuji, I know Nobara has really cute cheeks but if you don’t let her finish her question we are never going to finish this movie.”
Yuuji deflates, slightly, rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish expression. “Sorry…” He says, quickly ducking in to smack a kiss to both of their foreheads. “I should have listened, I was being kind of an asshole.”
Nobara huffs. “You should have.” She says, face twisted in a scowl, though the effect is somewhat dampened by the flush that’s high on her cheeks. Cute. Megumi thinks, overtaken by the sudden urge to pinch her cheeks. He smothers that thought immediately, because as much as he wants to act on it, he also doesn’t want to be stuck on that couch for the next four hours in a never-ending argument. “As I was saying, you really don’t care much about the face when it comes to your ideal type, huh.”
Yuuji tilts his head. “What do you mean?”
“Well your number one crush over there,” Nobara points to the screen, where Katniss Everdeen is frozen in a blurry smear of movement. “Is frankly, ugly as shit.”
Yuuji gasps, hand clutched over his chest. “You take that back.” He says, horrified.
Nobara draws herself up to her full height, crossing her arms and puffing out her chest. “She looks like a melted piece of bread.” She sniffs haughtily.
Megumi’s unable to smother his laugh in time, letting out a singular embarrassingly loud snort before his hand belatedly slams over his mouth. Yuuji looks at him, positively betrayed. “Et tu, Megumi?” He splutters. He sounds heartbroken. It only makes Megumi laugh harder. “Seriously, what the fuck did my girl Jay-Law do to you guys!”
“Breathe.” Nobara deadpans, before erupting into shrieks as Yuuji lunges over Megumi’s lap to grab her cheeks with a vengeance. “You maniac, get your filthy paws off me!”
“Apologise to Jennifer-chan!”
“What the fuck is wrong with you!”
Megumi cannot fucking breathe through his laughter. “Holy shit.” he gasps, catching his breath, blinking away the tears of laughter only to find Yuuji and Nobara frozen mid fight, staring at him with identical unreadable expressions. Megumi flushes, raising his shoulders defensively, curling away from the both of them. “What?” He asks, wary and worried.
Nobara and Yuuji exchange a momentary glance of understanding, swooping down in tandem to assault Megumi’s face with kisses. Megumi, absolutely overwhelmed, lets out an incredibly manly noise of surprise that is not a squeak, a full-bodied shiver racking through him with Yuuji tilts his head to kiss into his mouth and Nobara buries her face in Megumi’s neck to pepper kisses along his Adam’s apple. Megumi wrestles them both off, face hot and chest heaving. Yuuji beams at him, lips kissed pretty and pink, cooing and pinching Megumi’s cheek. “Oh you are so cute.”
“What is it with you and cheeks.” Megumi grumbles, still feeling far too red for his own liking, batting his hands away putting his face in Nobara’s arm. She coos, patting his head, before freezing with a loud gasp.
“Cheeks!” She exclaims, with enough severity to have Megumi withdrawing from her side and looking at her nervously. She barely seems to notice, thrusting out an accusing finger at Yuuji instead. “Jennifer Lawrence has none! She’s ugly and flat!”
Yuuji throws his hands in the air, shouting, “Can you leave me alone!”
Megumi pats Yuuji’s arm sympathetically, but doesn’t attempt to soften the blow by saying, “Well, she doesn’t exactly fit your ideal type of tall and with a big ass.”
Yuuji pouts. “Her ass is on the bigger side.” He grumbles. “And she is tall! Compared to most women at least.”
“How tall is she?” Megumi mumbles with a frown, fishing out his phone. Nobara leans over him to speak to Yuuji, resting her chin on the crown of his head.
“Honestly we don’t even fit your ideal type either.” She muses, drumming her fingers on the top of Megumi’s head. She pauses, considering. “Do you think I have a big ass?”
Megumi blinks. “Wait, why are you only asking about yourself. I’m also dating him y’know.”
“Baby, you’ve got the flattest ass I’ve ever seen.” Nobara pats his cheek, lovingly kissing the top of his head. “It’s just bone down there.”
“Ideal type doesn’t mean I’ll only date tall women with big asses.” Yuuji huffs, crossing his arms and pouting. “I just like to look at them.”
Nobara rolls her eyes, poking Yuuji in the head. “Doesn’t answer my question!” She sing-songs, rolling back on her heels and sliding off the couch in one deft movement. The thick fuzzy blanket falls to the popcorn covered floor and Nobara strikes a pose, looking over her left shoulder with her hand on the small of her waist, hip cocked and chin held high. She’s wearing fluffy Princess Peach pajama pants, and she breaks her form to quickly hike them a little higher, returning to her position with a quick slap of her own ass. Megumi snorts. Yuuji makes a high noise of distress.
“Why are you doing this to me.” He laments, gaze turned towards the ceiling and his ears bright red. “I’ve done nothing wrong.”
Nobara wiggles her hips. “C’mon baby, tell me what you think?” She says with an exaggerated purr in what Megumi thinks is an attempt at a sensual and seductive tone. She kind of just sounds vaguely British.
Yuuji makes that same noise of distress, somehow even higher this time. “I respect women.” He announces to the room.
“Oh my god I am your girlfriend and I am asking you to touch my butt.” Nobara groans. She turns her gaze on Megumi, eyes dancing with laughter. “How about you, are you man enough to grab my cheeks?”
Megumi blinks, considers it, and then reaches out a hand with a shrug. Yuuji gasps and Nobara whoops, two noises both abruptly cut off as they watch Megumi gingerly poke the crown pattern on Nobara’s butt with his index finger. He nods approvingly. “A solid six.” He says, and then goes back to his phone.
The couch bounces as Nobara flops back down, groaning “You both are terrible.” She sighs, partially drowned out by Yuuji’s hysterical laughter. He’s laughing so hard he’s leaning into Megumi’s side, a force which Megumi does not fight at all and thus pushes him into Nobara. She wriggles onto her back, bringing her legs up to wrap around Megumi’s torso, nestling him between her thighs and resting his head on her stomach. Her fingers begin to card through Megumi’s hair rhythmically, almost entirely on instinct. Megumi sighs, leaning into her touch. Yuuji grins down at them both, face flushed with delight and eyes terribly fond.
“Megumi, move.” He says, waiting for Megumi to sigh and obediently lift his arms before flopping down on top of him. He shifts down so they’re not directly face to face, apologizing quickly when Megumi winces at the movement, allowing him to bury his face into Megumi’s chest with a content sigh. “Bahonga.” He mumbles. Megumi feels Nobara’s abs flex beneath his head as she laughs.
“Your fat head is blocking my phone.” He retorts, lightly smacking the crown of Yuuji’s head when he brings his phone up and squints at the screen. Yuuji barely even reacts to the hit.
Nobara’s hands continue their steady pattern against his scalp. “What’re you looking up again?”
“Jennifer Lawrence’s height.” Megumi blinks, swearing quietly. “Ugh, it’s in feet, gimme a sec to convert to metric—”
Yuuji pops his head up suddenly, almost knocking Megumi’s phone to the floor. “Whoops, sorry honey.” He kisses the inside of Megumi’s wrist quickly in apology, before asking nervously, “Are you guys into feet?”
“Fuck no.” Nobara says emphatically. Megumi grunts in agreement. “Seriously, I’m breaking up with both of you if either one of you asks me to suck your toes or something.”
Yuuji frowns. “Wait, so, if Megumi asks you to do foot stuff then you’ll break up with me too?”
“I’m not into feet.” Megumi mutters.
“Well if I just break up with Megumi then that’d be mean.”
“I think it’s mean if you break up with me as collateral damage! He’s the guy that’s into feet!”
Megumi scowls, flicking Yuuji in the head. “I said I’m not into feet, so this is never happening, so stop hypothesizing.” He flicks Yuuji again.
Yuuji pouts, looking up at Megumi with wide puppy dog eyes. “Why’d you flick me twice?”
“Cause if I flick Nobara then she’ll stop petting my hair.”
Nobara snorts, patting Megumi’s head and saying approvingly, “Smart choice.”
“Thanks, uh, it says here that Jennifer Lawrence is…” He trails off, feeling heat slowly rise to his face. There’s a beat where they wait for him to finish, before Nobara lets out a loud scoff and plucks the phone from his hand.
“You’re such a drama queen.” She mutters. “She’s one hundred and seventy-five centimeres. So she’s taller than me.”
Yuuji pokes one of Megumi’s red cheeks with amusement, idly saying, “Most people are.”
“I will kill you.” She replies, just as pleasant and mild. She pokes Megumi’s forehead. “Hey twerp, how tall are you.”
“Uh…” Megumi starts. He takes a deep breath, trying to finish his sentence, but then the embarrassment hits him with full force and he covers his face with his palms. Yuuji squawks and starts pulling at his wrists.
“Seriously!” He laughs, quickly abandoning that tactic in favour of kissing the backs of Megumi’s hands. Megumi feels the blood rise to his face so quickly that for a moment he’s certain he’s going to pass out. “It’s just your height Megumi, come on.”
“It’s embarrassing!” Megumi protests.
“It’s your height.”
“Oh my god.” Nobara says, the delight in her voice making Megumi tense with apprehension. “Oh my god you’re the same height as Jennifer Lawrence aren’t you.”
Megumi doesn’t answer. Nobara and Yuuji whoop with laughter, curling over him and shaking with glee. “I love you so much.” Yuuji wheezes. Megumi lets his hands be pried away, receiving the full blinding force of Yuuji’s smile for half a second before Yuuji leans down to kiss him on the mouth. He pulls away, saying again, “I love you, holy shit, I love you.”
“So I’m short and flat but a girl,” Nobara laughs through her sentence, barely able to breathe between words. “And Megumi is flat and male but tall.”
Even through the embarrassment, Megumi finds himself snickering. “Maybe we can put our two flat asses together to form one, singular, big ass.” He says, and they burst into laughter, curled up on each other in one stupid giggling pile, practically shaking the couch with their hysterics. Megumi’s almost crying by the time they stop, tears budding at the corners of his eyes which begin to fall when Nobara lets out an ugly snort and makes them laugh again.
“Jesus.” Yuuji wheezes, breathless and beautiful, carving lines of laughter into his face with the breadth of his smile. “Are you happy now? Can we go back to the movie? We have two more after this.”
Nobara groans. “Ugh, fine.” She grumbles good-naturedly. “Where’s the remote.”
They spend two seconds looking around before spotting it on the floor, somehow kicked under the coffee table. Yuuji leans over making a half-hearted swipe with an equally half-hearted noise of effort. He barely even comes close to touching it. He stares at it a moment longer, shrugs, and then flops back onto Megumi’s chest. “So what’s your type Megumi?” He cheerfully asks.
Megumi snorts, pinching Yuuji’s cheek between the knuckles of his index and middle finger. “Lazy.” He chides fondly. “I don’t really have a type. Just a nice personality, I guess?”
Yuuji stares at him, sighing and burying his face into Megumi’s chest. “Well that’s boring.” He mumbles.
Megumi’s jaw drops. Nobara practically shrieks with laughter. “Holy shit, holy fucking shit, Todo said the exact same thing.”
“What’s wrong with a nice personality!” Megumi demands, driving his knuckle into the crown of Yuuji’s head for an absolutely vicious noogie. “Well? I just don’t care that much about looks!”
“It’s not wrong, it’s just boring!”
“Well like, to be fair,” Nobara starts, and the now all too familiar feeling of being outnumbered begins to wash over Megumi in a big, exhausting wave. “With Yuuji’s ideal type we could compare us and like, talk about butts and stuff. Which is fun. Yours is just like ‘oh, that’s fair’ and that’s it.”
Yuuji nods enthusiastically, still rubbing the spot which Megumi noogied. “Yeah, exactly!” He agrees excitedly. “There’s no meat to like, get into with that kind of thing. It’s nice though!”
Megumi scowls, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well I guess neither of you fit my ideal type.” He sniffs, lips threatening to split into a grin when Nobara and Yuuji let out matching wails of despair. He manages to maintain some composure, turning around to glare at Nobara and say, “Also, you liked my answer when I told Todo!”
“Yeah but I also think it’s boring.” Nobara sneers back. She pokes him in the forehead. “Also my legs are falling asleep, can we move?”
“Ooh, lie on me!” Yuuji chirps, crawling over to the other side of the couch and flopping on his back. He makes grabby hands at Megumi. “Rest between my luscious thighs my beloved.”
“Please don’t.” Megumi sighs, but obediently moves over and leans back into Yuuji’s stomach. His abs are harder than Nobara’s but no less comfortable. Megumi spreads his legs a little, shifting to a more comfortable position. “Babe, here.”
Nobara shuffles over on her knees, falling down and on top of Megumi, burying her face in his chest. “Bahongas.” She sighs dreamily, nuzzling her face into his pec. Yuuji giggles. Megumi rolls his eyes.
“What about you?” Yuuji asks, taking up the task of petting Megumi’s hair without missing a beat. Megumi’s eyelids flutter shut at the sensation. “What’s your type?
“Women who can kick my ass.” Nobara says, voice muffled by Megumi’s shirt. “And men who are afraid of me.”
“Love you too sugar.” Megumi deadpans, blindly jabbing at what he assumes to be her forehead. Judging by the offended but not outraged squeak, he’s hit his mark.
Yuuji snickers fondly, reaching down and past Megumi to ruffle Nobara’s hair. “Okay but if you had to pick like. One guy. To be your ideal type. Then who would it be.”
“What about Megumi?” Nobara fires back. “He didn’t have to pick someone to be his ideal type.”
“Yeah but Megumi’s ideal type means that he’d have to pick like, Steve Irwin or something.”
Megumi frowns. “Why’d you pick Steve Irwin?”
“He’s a nice dude!”
“I mean yeah but was that the only name you could come up with?”
“Quiet, you.” Yuuji admonishes, tapping Megumi’s nose, laughing when Megumi tries to bite at his hand in retaliation. “Nobara, go!”
Nobara makes a long noise of contemplation. “I mean, if I have to pick just one…” She drums her fingers on Megumi’s chest, humming to herself. “I guess Oda Nobunaga?”
Yuuji’s hand stop in their motions. Megumi peels his eyes open to stare at her. Nobara looks up at him innocently. Judging by his resounding silence, Yuuji’s experiencing the same sort of bafflement that Megumi’s feeling. “Like.” Yuuji starts, then stops, opening and closing his jaw in audible clicks. “Like, Nobunaga from Fate Grand Order, right?”
“Nope.” Nobara says, popping the syllables in her mouth.
“Surely you mean the Nobunaga from the Sengoku series then.” Megumi says, frank and matter of fact.
Nobara frowns. “God, no. Come on guys.” She complains. “It’s Nobunaga.”
Megumi wets his lips. “Like. The sixteenth century daimyō?” He asks. He feels like he’s going to go fucking insane.
Nobara looks at him like he’s fucking insane. “Duh.”
“Oh my god.” Yuuji says hollowly. The hands on Megumi’s scalp are gone, shortly followed by the loud smack of Yuuji slapping his palms over his face. Somehow, that’s all it takes to make Megumi start laughing. “My girlfriend’s ideal type is a dead feudal warlord.”
Nobara scowls. “He’s hot, okay?”
“He is not fucking hell Nobara are your eyes okay? Did Mai shooting you in the head knock the taste right out you?”
Nobara gasps, offended. “I have fantastic taste in men.” She spits. “Why else would I be dating you?”
Yuuji reaches over Megumi’s head to jab Nobara’s temple. “Don’t flatter your way out of this.” He says, though he very clearly sounds quite pleased. There’s the rapid sound of fingers against a screen, before he’s adamantly saying, “Look at him. Look at this guy. That is the most un-sexy man I’ve ever seen in my life.”
Nobara’s gaze gets that steel she only has when staring down death and doom. “I’d peg him.” She says, resolutely. Megumi goes from losing his shit to complete and utter hysterics, curled on his side on Yuuji’s stomach and crying with laughter. Nobara continues, unphased. “I’d bend him over and make him see heaven.”
“You need therapy.” Yuuji replies, sounding both terrified and impressed at the same time. “You are not okay.”
“Shut up, you like white women.” Nobara snaps, poking the top of Megumi’s head. “Hey, help me punish him.”
“Yes ma’am.” Megumi gasps out, pushing up Yuuji’s hoodie to reveal his abs and blowing a fat, wet raspberry against the skin. Yuuji shrieks, twisting and writhing desperately before Megumi manages to wrangle himself on top of Yuuji’s thighs to pin him down. There’s the distinct weight of Nobara crawling on top of his back, sitting right on the tip of his spine and reaching up to stick her fingers in his armpits and tickle Yuuji mercilessly.
“This is for your own good.” She says, a clear attempt to be solemn that’s ruined by the laughter breaking through her voice, bright and blooming and beautiful. The wails of agony Yuuji emits are so loud and so fucking funny that Megumi loses his shit again, pressing his head against the warmth of Yuuji’s skin and laughing, breathlessly and endlessly and eternally.
“You two are horrible.” Yuuji cries out, strangled and strained and steeped with adoration. “I’m going to divorce you both. I hate it here. You suck.”
Megumi smiles into Yuuji’s stomach. The skin beneath his cheek is soft and warm and smooth, and he can’t even attempt to stop himself from pressing a kiss, right between the ridges of his abs. The muscles tighten as Yuuji sharply inhales. Above him, with her chest to Megumi’s head, Nobara’s heartbeat stutters, then quickens, the perfect pitter patter in his ear. Like raindrops on rooftops, like a train on the tracks in the dead of night.
Megumi aches under the force of his joy. His face is unaccustomed to smiling for so long, his throat raw with laughter and eyes stinging with tears. He is warm, so warm here, bracketed by the bodies of the people he loves. He is set to drown in their life and laughter and love. “I love you.” He says, openly and honestly and eternally. The words come as easily as breathing, an act as simple as a blink. “I love you idiots so fucking much.”
Yuuji sputters and Nobara stammers and Megumi starts to laugh again, feeling their heartbeats quicken in time together, an unspoken and unbroken agreement. A wordless us too, we love you, we know that Megumi does not need them to say to hear. A gold tinted love that Megumi is drenched in, far past his marrow, right down to his soul.