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This was a Better Idea in Hindsight

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The first thing he registered was the worst headache he could remember, being alive was a bitch and a half, it took him a whole eternity to fucking breath and the screaming from the sixteen year old child certainly wasn’t helping. Wilbur groaned and leaned against the solid obsidian, noting with distaste the dripping purple liquid and oppressive heat permeating the jagged obsidian at his back. The fuck was going on? He’d told Tommy and Tubbo he didn’t want to come back, said Dream’d just use it as a way to bring back Schlatt, and there the bastard was, horns and all next to him, looking just as confused and miserable as Wilbur was as they watched the Admin and Tommy scream at each other. Was there a bed he could lie down in? Of fucking course there wasn’t, this prison was the worst.

Why were they even here in the first place? Why were Tommy and Dream yelling at each other?

“See Tommy? I gave you what you wanted! Despite everything you did to me, I did exactly what I said I could do! Isn’t that what a good friend does?” The fuck, when did Tommy and Dream become friends? Last he’d seen Tommy just barely avoided getting murdered for the third time by the prick.

“I didn’t ask for this! You brought fucking Schlatt back, why would I ever ask for that?!” Wait……..so Tommy hadn’t just made Dream revive him?

Wilbur turned to the former enemy-turned-deadfriend and shared a confused expression. Schlatt looked just as lost as he was, and quite frankly a little worse for wear. Probably all that booze he used to drink coming back to bite him, but then again, Wilbur didn’t feel too hot himself. It was probably the revival (or the lack of sleep, lack of food, smoking, take your pick neither of them had been very healthy at the end.)

“Tommy…” Dream’s voice, sickeningly coaxing drew Wilbur’s alarmed attention back to the fight. Red flags screamed in his mind as the wide smirk on the man’s face grew. “Just admit it, you miss me. It’s been so boring on the server without me, hasn’t it?” Dream held out a hand towards Tommy, scarred and nicked with cuts, as well as a few red spots from where the skin had brushed up to lava.

Tommy cringed away from that hand, his arm lifting defensively over his chest, and the body language alone would’ve put him on edge but Tommy’s voice did the rest. “N-no. No! The server’s been great without you!” Tommy’s voice shook, there was still a firm fire under there but the foundations felt weak, like Dream’d been steadily chipping away at them for several days before pulling this move. Like they’d been roughly set in the first place. “Just-Shut up! Shut up! I don’t-“

“Tommy…” Wilbur spoke, words raspy and weak from a disused throat. He coughed into his fist to clear it before trying again. “Tommy.” He tried, stronger, watching as the young kid he’d taken in turned to him, hopeful, shaking fear in his eyes. “Tommy, what’s going on?”

“Wilbur…?” Said that hesitantly hopeful voice, before Tommy shook himself and shut his eyes, physically drawing away. “No-no, no, no! I’m not ready, I’m not ready yet! I-”

Dream then stepped to the side, physically standing between him and Wilbur, making the older man frown. Was that some sort of attempt at being symbolic? Was Dream trying to pretend he was protecting Tommy from him? “Tommy look, Wilbur’s alive again! I gave this to you! And I can give more to you if you’d let me.” The Admin coaxed, reaching out his hand once more. “Join me Tommy, help me get out of this prison, and we can take on the entire server together!”

Was that what the asshole was after?????

“And I thought I was the cliché’d villain.” Schlatt muttered beside him, chuckling under his breath. An elbow nudged his side and Wilbur scowled at the satyr. “Ya think if I cozy up to the warden I could get some booze in here?”

“Somehow I doubt that considering what they’ve allowed Dream.” Wilbur dryly responded, noting the limited furniture and sparse amount of items, he doubted there were any potions in the chest Dream had.

“No why-why would I join you???” Tommy’s voice once again drew his attention, and Wilbur was starting to get annoyed at Dream’s blocking his view of him. “All you’ve done is hurt and manipulated me! Exile-you’re the one who put me into Exile!”

“Holy shit, the kid got Exiled twice???” Schlatt laughed, earning a glare from Wilbur before he turned back.

“Now Tommy.” Dream said in the most sickeningly condescending voice Wilbur had ever heard. “You know it was Tubbo who did that, not me.”

“You didn’t give him any other choice!” Tommy screamed, while Schlatt laughed harder at the irony, and yeah even Wilbur had to fight a smile at that. Seriously? Why were these kids following so closely in their footsteps? He hoped Tommy had managed to avoid blowing L’manburg up. “And even if he did you were-“ Tommy’s voice broke. “You were the one who-who did all that shit. Who fucked me up-making me-throwing every inch of progress I had into a hole-blowing up my home-the things Ghostbur made me-“ Tommy shook as he talked, eyes dilated, arms tight around his chest, and Wilbur curled his hand into a fist.

He’d heard enough.

“Well, it’s not like you have much of a choice now anyway.” Came Dream’s flippant voice, as Wilbur managed to get to his feet again, his eyes locking murder at the back of the Admin’s head. “It’s three vs one anyway, you’re stuck no matter what you do.”

“No Dream.” Came out his voice, still weak but steadily getting stronger, and thick with rage. “It’s two vs two. Tommy move.”

Tommy, trained by Wilbur himself followed the order without question, dodging to the side as Wilbur shoved both hands into the small of Dream’s back and pushed him into the wall of lava they’d been in front of. Dream died with a scream, though probably more out of surprise than actual, genuine pain (one does build up a tolerance after all) and Wilbur’s hands stung with the burns they got from getting too close to the lava. He glared at the Admin as he burned, sick satisfaction curling in his chest as he watched the man pay for all the bullshit he’d obviously done.

Tommy stared at Wilbur in shock, though the smallest corners of a smile could be seen growing on his lips. “Wilbur that-“ He stammered, voice crawling to a halt as they both heard the sudden sound of slow clapping. They turned, seeing Schlatt applauding Wilbur’s choice of retribution.

“Hot damn, I knew you had it in you, but I’m surprised how nice it was to see you melt that sneaky sonuvabitch.” Schlatt laughed again, a deep chuckle that turned into rasping coughs. “Good job.” He managed.

“Y-yeah…good job.” Tommy hesitantly repeated, still not quite meeting Wilbur’s eyes as he turned his attention to the water in the corner, something Wilbur had initially thought to have been a toilet or something. “Um, kinda unnecessary though.”

“Unnecessary? Tommy he was fucking gaslighting you.” Wilbur scoffed, before noting just how intently Tommy’s attention was on the water, then he heard a splash, and there Dream was, right as rain, unmarked fresh from respawn.

He could’ve sworn that would’ve counted for something, damn canon rules.

“Okay, Wil. You’re right. I might’ve miscalculated.” Dream reassessed, giving the ex-president a look of wary respect. “I was under the impression you might’ve still been against Tommy, considering how you went out.”

This time Wilbur was the one to step in front of Tommy, and he felt the smallest tug on his coat, indicating that while Tommy was certainly mixed up about how everything ended between them last he still trusted Wilbur to protect him far more than Dream.

“Fuck off and stay away from him.” Wilbur growled, standing up to his full height, fists still clenched as he glared down at the Admin. “What’s between me and Tommy is our business, not yours.”

“So it’s….two vs two then?” Tommy asked, hesitantly, he sounded tired, which was really the most worrying part of all of this considering how eager Tommy’d always been for a fight. Wil decided he’d unpack that later.

“Actually……” Came Schlatt’s voice, as the Satyr stepped up off the wall himself, hands casually dug into his suit pockets. “If anybody can promise me some booze or a way out even I’d be more than happy to make this a three vs one…” His voice turned up at the end, giving Wilbur and Tommy an arched brow, the hinting obvious.

Tommy laughed, the first real positive emotion Wilbur’d seen from the kid since he woke up. “Can’t promise you that now Schlatt but I’m pretty sure if you helped me Sam wouldn’t lock you up with Dream, if you helped Dream though…” Tommy side eye’d the Admin from behind Wilbur, a brow arched.

Wil let out a dark chuckle, while Schlatt ‘hmmm’d as he turned to join them in starring at Dream. To his credit he didn’t start sweating, though his shoulders did tense. “Well Schlatt? Seems the odds are obvious. How about a temporary truce?”

“Y’know what Wilbur Soot?” Schlatt drawled, before cracking his knuckles and turning fully to face Dream, an almost feral grin on his face. “I think I could work with that.”

Wilbur felt his face ache with the expression to match him, adrenaline livening him up in a way the initial revival spell hadn’t. “Well, here’s a good question. How many ways can we kill a Dream with what we happen to have?”

Schlatt’s answering chuckle was ominous. “I count at least five.”

Wilbur’s smirk grew. “I count ten.”