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fine wine and entwined roses

Summary:

Jaemin realises he should give his all to himself and Jeno wishes he could rebuild the relationship he shattered.

but Mark doesn't let him.

Notes:


to kneeshee: I don’t know you personally but I believe that you and jaemin both deserve a happy ending ;)

i was going to post everything in one chapter but i realised how long it made the first part

so it's a chaptered fic for ease of reading :3

thank you for motivating me on the first fic, i really appreciate it. hopefully you like this one @.@

 

find me on twitter or cc
to ask questions, check for updates... or just to say hi (^.^)<3

Chapter 1

Notes:

i advise reading book 1 before reading this!! it'll make more sense that way since this is the sequel

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ambling briskly across the quad, the brunette tried to avoid contact with as many students as possible. He pulled his hood down as far as he could, not wanting to be noticed as he was in a rush.

‘Hey Yangyang!’ A girl from his department, Ella had unfortunately caught him. Fighting his urge to sigh, Yangyang turned towards the girl with his usual bright smile.

‘Hi what’s up?’ He replied. Ella took the opportunity to walk up to him, another smaller girl with a blonde bob in tow.

‘Nothing much, Eunseo and I are on our way to Taeil’s Tasty Treats for a bite’ she beamed, tucking a lock of her long honey-brown hair behind her ear. ‘Do you know if Jaemin has a shift today?’

Of course.

Not just Jaemin, but Yangyang too had seen an upsurge in popularity in the past two months. The duo had become regulars in Ten and Johnny’s videos and they had become department representatives, attending the biweekly gatherings organised by Jaehyun, the student head of the business department. Jaemin wasn’t really a fan of these social hangouts but Jaehyun had a soft spot for the younger hence he always dragged him along. Yangyang was really proud of his best friend’s progress; he hadn’t gotten any closer to his photography dreams yet, but he had been using his free time to try a bit of everything else: assisting in various clubs. Basically somehow his best friend has turned into some sort of campus sweetheart. Usually Yangyang would entertain the attention he received, being the sociable guy he was.

But right now he was in a hurry; on his way back from class, he’d bumped into Kim Jiwon from the photography club with an urgent message for Jaemin. If he didn’t deliver the message by 12pm he’d experience death by her hands.

‘No he’s not working right now’ he smiled lightly at the girls, not missing the look of disappointment that flitted across Ella’s face.

Taeil’s tasty treats had now become a very popular spot thanks to Jaemin serving as a waiter and barista there. Although this meant well for the business, it also meant that their group could no longer hang out there as frequently as they used to.

‘Ahh that’s a shame’ Ella pouted. ‘Oh well Kun’s pastries are to die for, I won’t miss out’ adjusting the straps of her bag, she finally made to leave. ‘Oh by the way Eunseo wanted to meet you’ Ella said, pulling her friend forwards.

Eunseo stumbled forwards, blushing awkwardly as she looked at her friend in mild annoyance. ‘H-hey’ she stuttered, not able to look Yangyang in the eyes.

‘Hi’ Yangyang replied all bubbly (albeit a little hastily).

‘I l-like your shoes!’

‘Uh? Oh really? Thanks they’re new actually’ Yangyang was actually pleased with the compliment as he considered himself a shoe connoisseur.

‘She has more to say’ Ella interrupted, nudging her friend.

‘No no you look like you’re in a rush, you should hurry along then Yangyang’ Eunseo quickly spoke. Yangyang wanted to give her a hug for noticing him and letting him go. He had about twenty minutes to get to their frat house.

‘Thanks a lot, see you around!’ He yelled out as he dashed to Olympus, not caring about his appearance anymore.

 

The Olympus House, Jungwoo’s frat, was a grandiose building which housed its prestigious members. There had never been more than 15 members at a time due to the highly selective criteria for joining. Membership generally required great talent, skill or potential, as well as influence and connections with existing members. Jaemin and Yangyang ticked all the boxes as if present and they knew Jungwoo, Johnny and Jaehyun (the highest ranking members) to top it off.

The outside of the building was styled like a Greek villa with its white walls and modern architecture. There was a pool in front of the entrance as well as a larger one at the back. The size and aesthetic made the frat house famous for its parties. Apart from the unrivalled living space of the renowned society, the alumni has gone on to become upstanding elite members outside of university. Yangyang always wondered what was so special about a fraternity that just partied.

Keying in the pin to the entrance, Yangyang burst into the lobby, popping his head into the living room to greet Sehun and Jeonghan who lay sprawled across the couch playing a video game, before dashing up the plush staircase to Johnny’s room.

‘Jaem!’ The brunette pounced on black-haired boy who was on his phone, relaxed on Johnny’s bed. ‘Jiwoo noona said I should give you this! She wants a response by 12pm!’

‘Oh what is it?’ Jaemin sat up curiously, reaching for the flyer in Yangyang’s hand. The flyer advertised a photography and modelling programme. On the other side of the flyer was a number scrawled in neat handwriting. ‘I guess I should call her then’

Suddenly Yangyang slapped his palm to his head. ‘I’m such an idiot! I didn’t realise her number was there. She probably expected me to text you her number but I thought she wanted me to run to you’

Jaemin laughed heartily ‘it’s okay, at least you got the exercise in’. He dialled the number on the back of the flyer in anticipation, he hadn’t expected to hear back from Jiwoo until there was news of the president’s arrival. He didn’t dare to read the contents of the flyer after the word photography jumped out at him from the title. He didn’t want his hopes raised just yet.

‘Hello?’ The senior’s voice came through the phone.

‘Hi it’s Na Jaemin’

‘Oh great! I wondered what took you so long’

Jaemin kicked Yangyang who simply returned a sheepish grin.

‘I’m sorry, my phone died’ he covered up for his silly best friend. ‘I wasn’t home and I gave my power bank to a classmate’. Technically he wasn’t lying as Ryujin from volleyball really had borrowed it.

‘It’s okay it’s okay, have you looked at the flyer yet? If you haven’t I’ll summarise’

‘Ah I haven’t yet but I know it’s to do with photography and modelling’

‘Yeah so because the photography club here is quite well known, we get some opportunities that others have to compete for. This programme is one of those opportunities. There were only a limited number of spaces to sign people up for the photography unit. However I have a space for a model’

Jaemin slowly felt his heart rise and sunk as he heard there were no more spaces for him, because he wasn’t in the photography club. ‘Can’t I compete then, instead of a free space? Is- is that possible?’ He asked, his eyes screwed shut.

He could hear Jiwoo sigh through the phone ‘I’m sorry Jaemin, you can only apply through our institution and those spaces are already taken’

‘Thanks noona… but I’ve never modelled before; I don’t feel comfortable taking a spot that could go to someone actually interested in modelling’ Jaemin could feel Yangyang patting his back to comfort him.

‘Jaemin. The invitation was given to me on behalf of the photography club, not the modelling society. It means the decision is in my hands for who goes to represent us. The modelling society also get their own share of invitations which may or may not involve photography. I got five spaces for each unit and I’m giving four free spaces to the modelling society and one to you’

‘... I’m grateful, I really am grateful that you’re thinking out for me-’

‘but you don’t see the point in doing modelling right?’ Jiwoo interrupted. ‘Actually I have an ulterior motive. You go and model and network with some cool photographers at the event, in your free time you can sneak in and watch what the photography unit are doing, and you get to enjoy yourself in Germany. Imagine the aesthetic photos you can take there fro your feed. You’ve got nothing to lose’ Jiwoo sounded even more excited than Jaemin felt.

‘Are you going too noona?’

‘...’

‘Noona?’ Jaemin checked to see if he accidentally put Jiwoo on hold.

‘Na Jaemin. Do you really think i would hesitate to sign myself up for such an opportunity? You have two weeks to get ready okay? See you soon’

The call ended as abruptly as it had started, leaving Jaemin to worry about how he was to begin to prepare for a two month trip in two weeks. On top of all the feelings of excitement and anticipation brimming inside him, the black-haired boy also recognised fear. For the first time since that year in high school, Jaemin was taking a step forward to his dreams and the fear of failure loomed above him. What if he wasn’t as talented as he thought? What if he never made it? What if he discovers that he doesn’t like photography as much as he thought he did?

‘If it doesn’t turn out good just come back here and I’ll throw you a party. You’re considered an ace in the business department so you’re bound to be successful’ Yangyang assured him, somehow reading his thoughts. After all the time they spent together, the duo had become rather good at understanding each other telepathically.

‘I’m not sure where you’re going or what you’re doing but just have fun and take pretty pictures. It would be better if you didn’t come back in the middle of the trip so we have enough time to throw your welcome home party’ Johnny had just waltzed into the room, perching on his swivel chair since the younger guys had colonised his bed.

‘Thanks guys, I actually feel reassured now’ Jaemin said, letting out a sigh of relief as he collapsed on the brunette who yelped in response.

‘Awww don’t get all soppy on us’ Yangyang giggled, shoving Jaemin’s tall body off him and onto the floor. ‘By the way, did you say a programme in Berlin? It sounds familiar’.

The brunette reached for the flyer detailing the event, skimming through the fine print. ‘Oh my gosh I knew it!! My cousin Sicheng is a top model there, maybe he can help you!’ Yangyang cried in excitement. ‘I’ll text him’

‘How the heck do you know so many people?’ Johnny asked in amusement.

‘I’m adorable’ Yangyang winked before cringing instantly.

‘Thanks but I feel bad Yangie, I’ll try and make my own way myself’ Jaemin spoke up after deliberating for a minute.

‘But Jaem you also need to use connections when you have them. It’s not a bad thing. Think about it this way, this connection presents you with another opportunity that someone else would die to get, not using this opportunity is a waste right? The important thing is that you’re not relying solely on connections but also working harder than anyone else’ Johnny’s reasonable advice resonated with the younger who greatly felt lucky to have such friends.

‘Yes listen to wise old Johnny’ Yangyang agreed, immediately ruining the sentimental atmosphere.

‘I love you guys, seriously’ Jaemin said instead of hitting Yangyang. The black-haired boy didn’t even know what he’d do without his friends.

‘Thanks but I see us as just friends’ Yangyang smiled sweetly.

‘Thanks but I’m already going out with Ten’ Johnny smiled even sweeter. That was another development that had occurred about a month ago, around the time Ten was leaving on some sort of internship with a famous artist. Johnny didn’t want anyone to snatch up the love of his life while he went frolicking in France, strolling in Spain and Switzerland then rounding the three month trip off with a rendezvous in Rome. So Johnny confessed.

Anyway Jaemin aimed his long legs to deliver a roundhouse kick to both his friends, feeling blissfully content that things seemed to be going his way for once.

‘Ooh Hendery just updated his story’ Yangyang announced as he scrolled through his feed. ‘His class is doing an MT’

Jaemin took the opportunity to also check his instagram, noticing the stack of dms waiting for him. Disregarding the ones from people he didn’t follow, he opened up the chat with Ryujin. The two had become quite good friends as he helped out in the volleyball club when he had the time. She was asking if he could come do a segment on the university radio as she was also part of the broadcasting club. Being the person he was, Jaemin texted an agreement before swiping off the Instagram tab.

Ryujin

hey jaem!!

could u do me a favour and let me interview u for ryura? plsplspls

ryura?

come on jaem u know its my segment on the uni radio @.@

do i even have a choice?

...

sure

tysm xx i owe u one

ur the best!!

Looks like I’ll have my hands full, Jaemin thought to himself with a smile.

Notes:

i'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments or in a cc

Chapter 2

Notes:

kingdom just started and i'm feeling pretty nervous
hopefully my nerves fuel my fingers to type >.<

also i watched it live so rip my online chemistry class. do any of you watch the show? who are you rooting for?

02/03/21 edit!: the pics stopped loading on mobile for some reason so i've compiled the pics in a twitter thread and i've linked the thread where the pics were meant to go

TT__TT i'm sorry it has to be this way until i find a solution

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Sunlight filtered through the partially open blinds, casting a spotlight on the suitcase lying at the foot of a freshly made four poster bed. The black-haired beauty gave himself one last look in the mirror before slipping on his coat and stepping out into the crisp morning.

His first schedule was a microeconomics lecture with Mrs Lim then he’d have a little break before heading to the broadcasting studio for his radio segment with Ryujin. As he walked confidently and casually to the lecture venue, Jaemin couldn’t help but compare his situation to a couple of months ago when his life seemed so out of order and when he constantly felt that he was always running helter-skelter without getting anywhere.

According to his watch, he had just under thirty minutes to get to the auditorium which to his luck meant that he could quickly grab a coffee from his favourite cafe. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too busy and Kun would be on duty; the latter knew his usual by heart. Jaemin associated the cafe with feelings of comfort and safety but lately the place had become a popular hotspot, to his disappointment. It meant he couldn’t regularly spend his free time there with his friends. Ten’s absence made it difficult for the group to have an excuse to hang out in their usual art room hence they spent most of their time in the frat house now.

Taeil’s Tasty Treats was quite full of bustling students rushing to get some energy to kick off their day but Jaemin wasn’t there to sit down anyway. He walked up to the counter, noticing that Kun wasn’t there. No one was there actually. Obviously Jisung had stopped working to prepare for his exams and Chenle hated morning shifts but how come no one was on duty?

For the first time ever, Jaemin found himself ringing the little antique bell on the counter, considering whether he should just leave without the beverage he wanted. Someone rushed out from the room behind the counter, his apron not done properly and his face slightly flushed. Fortunately Jaemin rarely flinched because the face in front of him was an image he never wanted to see again.

‘How can I help you?’ The boy asked Jaemin, an unfazed expression schooled on his soft features.

‘Can I have a large iced americano with one shot of espresso please?’ Jaemin requested politely, also maintaining an unaffected expression.

 

Walking out of the cafe five minutes later, Jaemin felt overcome by a myriad of emotions. Months after the breakup, he was sure that he was getting over Jeno, that the wounds were slowly healing, that he was getting better. Somehow, the negative emotions were starting to roil again after seeing that person. After seeing Renjun.

He didn’t want to admit it but something about the way Renjun seemed so normal got to him. Didn’t he feel guilty at all? It seemed as if the only person who felt anything at all about the drama was himself. Jaemin felt pathetic. And small. And irrelevant.

Jaemin actually hadn’t seen Jeno since the day he moved out of their shared apartment. His internal reaction to seeing Renjun left him worried at what it would feel like to see his ex again. It was aggravating, the way a single person could unravel all the hard work Jaemin had put into rebuilding himself.

It’s okay. Jaemin breathed. I’ll be gone for two months, and I’ll completely forget about Jeno.

The only niggling issue was the fact that upon his return, Renjun would become his coworker at Taeil’s Tasty Treats.

 

-

 

‘Thank you so much for coming’ Ryujin effused in gratitude as she ushered Jaemin to a comfy seat. ‘I know I know it was such a short notice but Yeji lost her voice’, she was adjusting his mic and headphones now. ‘You’re a lifesaver, I owe you one’

‘No worries honestly’ Jaemin laughed, settling into his seat and glancing at the questions on the sheet in front of him. ‘Besides I’m pretty sure you owe me a lot more than one’

The blue-haired girl rolled her eyes playfully ‘yeah yeah are you ready? We’re live in five, four, three, two, one… Hello SMU! The weather outside is quite chilly which could mean some of you have had to rain check your plans or you’re probably clustered together sharing handwarmers. Why don’t we start by warming ourselves up by listening to “Chilli” by svt. See you soon!’ Ryujin played the song before reclining in her seat.

Jaemin and Ryujin jammed to the song, mouthing the few lyrics they recognised. “Drip drip my chilli sauce” was probably going to be stuck in Jaemin’s head for at least a week, he groaned internally. Eventually the song reached its final hook, cueing Ryujin to speak again.

‘Today we’ve got a very special guest who has been in high demand with his mysterious vibe yet his total boyfriend material appeal seen in his youtube videos and his part-time job’ Ryujin ignored Jaemin’s total look of horror at the embarrassing description. ‘Please welcome Na Jaemin!’

Nevertheless, Jaemin regained his composure to speak calmly with his rich baritone voice. ‘Hello everyone, I hope you’re having a nice day so far’

‘I’m sure their day has become better now that they’ve heard your voice Jaemin ssi’ Ryujin enjoyed seeing Jaemin squirm so much that she regretted not doing a viewable radio.

‘You flatter me Ryujin ssi and please call me Jaemin’ He beamed wickedly. No one liked having -ssi added to their name by someone they were friends with.

‘Ah in that case you might as well call me Ryujin. Do you hear that everyone? Jaemin is very friendly. You can send your questions for Jaemin to this number, this might be your only chance!’ Ryujin tapped a few icons on the tablet screen. ‘Okay we’ve got loads of questions flooding in, shall we start then Jaemin?’

‘Fire away’ Jaemin shrugged.

‘Okay, ***nim is asking a question I’m sure most of us have been dying to know, are you single?’ Ryujin asked.

‘Yeah I’m single’ simple question, Jaemin thought.

‘***nim says that quite a few people ship you with the football ace Jeno Lee because you look good together, do you know him? Personally I think it’s weird to ship two random people together but I’ll leave it to Jaemin to answer’

‘I’m sorry to disappoint, but I don’t know a Jeno Lee’

‘Got that everyone? Nomin never even left the harbour. Now ***nim wants to know if you like someone, or have an ideal type?’

‘I don’t have anyone I like, and I don’t particularly have an ideal type. If I had to mention a quality, I’d go with faithfulness...anyone that would truly love me and appreciate me would be fine’ Anyone that’s the opposite of Jeno would do.

‘I personally agree, what’s the point of ticking all the boxes in terms of visuals and hygiene but then not actually having any love for you’ Ryujin nodded, giving Jaemin a thumbs up. ‘***nim would appreciate it if you could give her some advice as she doesn’t know whether to stay in the dorms, join and live in a frat house or rent an apartment with a friend. She says money isn’t an issue. From what we’ve seen in your videos, you seem to have experienced all of that’

‘Hmmm’ Jaemin mused. ‘I’ll start by saying that I don’t live in a frat house but I guess I can answer the question as I regularly hang out there. Choose the apartment if you want to spend loads of time and you feel comfortable living with your friend. You should completely trust this friend and agree to compromise on certain house rules. Your apartment would feel like home to you with your own personal space. You also have the luxury of doing whatever you like with it whereas in a dorm, you’re limited to the space and architecture of the room. The only difference between each dorm is how you decorate your space. Also if you don’t like your roommate then it’s obviously out of the question. Frat houses can be really noisy depending which you belong to. If you’re looking for socialising and loads of fun then it’s the best option. The only thing personal to you though is your bedroom’

‘Wow, as expected of our super organised Jaemin. I’m sure ***nim is grateful that you really went into detail to answer her question. Good luck on whatever decision you end up making!’ Ryujin responded, scrolling through the questions on the tablet. ‘Last one, ***nim asked if you’ll participate in the SMU pageant during the cultural festival next month? I want to know if you’re doing anything for the festival at all’

‘Ah I won’t be here, I’ll be leaving for a programme’ Jaemin replied, his heart tingling with excitement at the thought.

‘Really? I was going to rope you in to help us out’ Ryujin sighed in disappointment ‘and I’m sure the listeners are upset too that they won’t see you either. How long will you be gone?’

‘Two months haha, I’m sure you’ll cope’ Jaemin smiled.

‘Well then, there you have it, any plans of confessing to Na Jaemin at the festival will have to be cancelled. Follow his socials for updates I guess; I’ll play “happy without me” by mx to reflect how we probably all feel right now. Thank you Jaemin for hanging out with us and have a lovely trip and to the rest of you, have a great day! This was Shin Ryujin, bye’

Ryujin took off her headphones, Jaemin following suite. ‘That was awesome Jaeminnie, when are you leaving?’

‘In two days, to Germany’ Jaemin replied, getting up from his seat.

‘I don’t want you to go’ Ryujin looked at the floor, her voice suddenly small.

Jaemin’s eyes softened as he looked at the girl, pulling her into a hug. ‘Don’t worry Jinjin, you don’t need me to be there in person. I can be your remote wingman and I’ll be cheering for you’

‘Do you think I can do it?’ Her voice was a little stronger now.

‘Of course you can. You can definitely confess to Yuna at the festival’

 

-

SOCMED POSTS

 

Notes:

thoughts? in comments or in a cc

Chapter 3

Notes:

**thanks to anon on cc, i corrected the tag that said johnyong to johnten. there's no johnyong in this fic pls TT its johnTEN**
sorry for the confusion @.@

Also: I finally got the css for the fb posts!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

‘Are you okay with it?’ The blonde asked. ‘Him acting like you two never met, like you don’t exist?’

Renjun lay comfortably in Jeno’s lap, scrolling through the tweets on his timeline. The latter was absent-mindedly carding his fingers through Renjun’s locks as they relaxed in the warmth of Jeno’s apartment which now looked totally different to when Jaemin was there. The couple weren’t alone though, Lucas and Xiaojun were making some sort of protein shake in the kitchen, and Donghyuck was watching a kdrama, completely tuning out the couple that lay sprawled on the sofa.

‘I don’t really care what he does. We’re over aren’t we?’ Jeno replies.

‘It’s kinda funny, seeing people cry on twitter that #Nomin was never and will never be a thing’ Renjun continued. ‘I wonder how they’d react if they knew their favourite ship actually sailed for years’

‘Junnie can we please not talk about him? We haven’t mentioned him for months so why now? I’d rather talk about us. You know you’re my favourite subject’ Jeno said all this but he couldn’t deny that he didn’t feel slightly bothered by the topic of his ex-boyfriend who he cheated on.

‘I knoww but he’s all everyone’s talking about nowadays so I can’t help it’ Renjun pouted. ‘I won’t be surprised if you fell for him again, now that he’s all cool and popular’

‘The fuck? When did you start getting all insecure Renjun? You’re cool and popular too’ Donghyuck interrupted. He probably wasn’t completely tuning out the couple then. ‘Also, Jaemin has always been like that, he just stuck with Jeno and didn’t do anything else, so not many people got to know him’

‘Are you saying I was holding him back or something Hyuck?’ Jeno flared up, calming down as soon as he felt Renjun’s touch on his knee. To his further annoyance, Donghyuck merely shrugged before turning back to his kdrama.

‘Junnie you’re the one I love, always remember that’ Jeno focused on his boyfriend instead. His small, soft, cute boyfriend.

But as Renjun pecked him on the lips, Jeno couldn’t stop his mind from wandering to the Jaemin he saw in the youtube videos. That Jaemin looked like the one from years ago, when he had no worries and was just always bright and excited. He didn’t want to entertain the thought that he was the one that made Jaemin start looking downcast, so so downcast to the point it became a turnoff.

Jeno’s thoughts soon disappeared once Renjun’s tongue slipped into his mouth.

SOCMED POST

 

‘Willkommen in Deutschland, Welcome to Germany, dogile osin geoseul hwanyeonghabnida’

European buildings stood impressively, elegantly looking down on the taxis rushing past on the frosty lit streets. Boys distributed the daily newspapers on their bicycles and old couples enjoyed warm coffees from the shade of the cafes that littered the street. Cute little shops advertised cheap souvenirs labelled with the national flag or phrases like “Ich liebe Deutschland” and “Guten tag!”. Food trucks decked out currywurst and potato pancakes, the aroma enticing pedestrians to succumb to their growing appetites. Jeno would love this.

No. I’m here for me, Jaemin sharply reminded himself.

The air smelt like rekindled hopes, the sky looked like new beginnings and each step felt closer to his dreams.

‘It’s a shame we don’t have time to look around’ Jiwoo sighed, staring longingly at a cart of pretzels. ‘I can’t believe we just arrived and we start work today’

‘I mean we did get free places here so we can’t really complain much’ Jaemin figured, although the sausages across the road beckoned him.

A pretty girl with long black hair ran up to the duo who stood outside the train station with their suitcases. ‘I hope I didn’t keep you waiting long, I’m Gayoung, welcome to Germany’

‘No we just arrived, I’m Jiwoo and this is Jaemin’ Jiwoo replied amiably.

‘The last ones from SMU right? I expect great stuff from you lot as usual. Your members are already at the studio getting to meet everyone’ Gayoung explained, taking one suitcase from Jiwoo’s hands as she lead them towards a car park. ‘I’m going to take you to the residence where you’ll stay for the duration of the programme so you can drop your luggage and freshen up. Then we’ll join the others at the studio where we’ll commence the programme with a couple of icebreaker sessions. You’ll learn more when we get there’

They had now arrived at the minivan which was inconspicuously labelled with the programme’s logo. With Gayoung’s assistance, Jaemin loaded up all their luggage into the boot of the minivan before jumping into the backseat. Jiwoo had wanted to ride shotgun and she got whatever she wanted so shotgun she got.

‘Are you the one supervising us for the programme?’ Jiwoo asked curiously, eager to absorb as much information as possible from their guide.

‘Gosh no! You guys have way more experience than I do’ Gayoung laughed jovially. ‘I’m the editor’s assistant for the magazine. I look at the pictures and see how best to arrange them’

‘So how does the whole programme work?’ Jaemin finally spoke up, his curiosity and minor confusion overriding his introverted nature.

‘I was going to let you know at the studio but I guess there’s no harm in outlining the events’ Gayoung started, turning from the busy street into a motorway as the shops gave way for the grey tones of the bitumen covered roads and storage facilities. ‘Models will obviously work together with our stars to fill up the magazine. You’ll get experience with photoshoots, makeup and styling so if you do well and get along with people, you’ll definitely establish connections. Photographers will assist the professionals we have to take pictures of the models and sceneries to match the products we’re advertising. You’ll get experience with camerawork, digital developing and imaging, lighting and other techy stuff. You’ll be split into groups with a professional as a supervisor and you’ll start the first few weeks in training before you actually work’

‘Wow it sounds so exciting!!’ Jiwoo clapped her hands enthusiastically before whipping out her phone to make a social media post. ‘Quick Jaemin, Gayoung unnie look at the camera’. They were at a red light so they took the selfie for Jiwoo to post. ‘Wow Jaemin your fans are fast’

But Jaemin wasn’t paying attention because he couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy when he heard the activities the photography unit would be participating in. No, I’ll try my best to experience everything.

‘Jaemin, don’t forget there’ll be a photographer taking pictures of you’ Jiwoo suddenly butted into his thoughts. How could he forget? Photographers will be milling about everywhere. He could learn from anyone.

Jaemin relaxed back into his seat, feeling relieved and extremely thankful that he was with his blunt but considerate Jiwoo noona.

‘You’re like a kid sometimes’ she shook her head.

SMU tea

#2203

what's up with Jeno Lee and Huang Renjun...

🤣😢❤️ Hina and 146 others

Kim Sujin
Seo Minhee lmaooo

Seo Minhee
all i feel is pain in my little nominist heart TT

Hina
Kim Sujin lmao you're always the first to these kind of posts

Park Keonhee
3rd years wilding these days 🤣... the only tea on this board

Jang Taehee
Park Keonhee they're not wilding, they're just dating -_-

View more comments ([1] of [46])

 

SMU tea

[ADM POST]

not a submission but thank you Na Jaemin and Lee Jeno

you've boosted our engagements and our following

fighting lol

🤣😢❤️ Kim Sujin and 86 others

Kim Sujin
who r u pls TT TT i'm a fan now lol

Jeon Chanmi
admin? please delete this board and yourself if possible. Why would you air out people's private lives??

Kang Jinhyuk
cos its fun lol

Park Keonhee
Jeon Chanmi delete yourself boring b*tch lmaoo

View more comments ([1] of [17])

Notes:

credits for the css of the fb posts go to this tutorial

if you don’t wanna comment or ask a question here pls feel free to drop a cc

Chapter 4

Notes:

this chapter is really short i'm sorry but it's the best way for the flow of the story

also i'll be reverting to the first format for the fb posts so you can comfortably read the story if your ao3 is in dark mode!!
tmi: when i first started this story, i didn't expect to have any form of social media but here we are

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

About a month had gone past and Jaemin was just getting into the hang of things at work. The training had been surprisingly more demanding than he’d expected: He and the other models had gotten off to a bumpy start as they felt some animosity to the black-haired boy who comfortably walked into a space whereas they had actually battled for their positions.

Jaemin had very quickly proven that he was deserving as he was praised for having the best work ethic of the lot. He bonded with the members of the unit as they all struggled with the challenging daily gym requirements, their muscles and joints screaming with pain, every movement eliciting a wince or groan.

Once they were physically fit (by physically fit director Hoffen meant the outlines of their abs needed to show through a wet shirt), they practiced mannerisms, expressions and poses. Jaemin was a natural, the experience from serving customers at his part-time jobs finally paying off.

‘Are you sure you haven’t done a modelling gig before?’
‘And you’re really good-looking too’
‘As expected of SMU’

But Jaemin had another reason to work hard; he needed to progress quickly if he was to try his hand at any photography at all before the programme was over. So he toiled and learned how to instantly switch expressions on command, how to highlight different products with the way he posed, how to prepare himself with the basic makeup, and of course he uploaded some of his more successful attempts on his instagram to appease his friends.

On the topic of his friends, Jaemin missed them. A lot. Ten had safely returned from his trip to the loving embrace of his boyfriend and best friends, Hendery had sent him a picture of them hanging out once again in Ten’s classroom and Johnny had posted their reunion vlog on youtube. Ryujin and Yuna were dating now after the latter accepted Ryujin’s proposal at the school festival. Oh and Yangyang told him that Jeno won the pageant without even trying.

‘I thought Lucas would have won with his greater influence on top of his looks’ Jaemin had said in surprise.

‘It’s for that reason that frat and club leaders weren’t allowed to compete. Visuals only’ Yangyang had explained.

Anyway, Jaemin didn’t really have time to get close with the other models and he rarely saw Jiwoo since the two units never mixed or overlapped schedules with each other so far. The black-haired boy had just finished preparing himself for another makeup assessment when Sharon, the makeup team head, came into the dressing room.

‘Jaemin ~ how are you doing? You look great by the way, I think you’ve become a pro’ Sharon was very nice and even friendlier when you got along with her. Her only flaw was her loquaciousness. She had a tendency to not let people answer her questions before chattering on and on. This wasn’t a problem for Jaemin who was more of a listener so she very quickly became more affectionate towards him.

‘I’m good noona, you look excited’ Jaemin smiled at the older woman who was just approaching her thirties.

‘Of course I look excited, you should be too! I’m elated - no - I’m positively over the moon! Jaemin you start modelling for the magazine today!’ she beamed at him.

At that moment, Jaemin could suddenly understand how she felt, his day became so much better. Why? Because he could finally meet a photographer!

The other models clustered around him to cheer for him. Apparently, not everyone got invited to shoot a special spread for the magazine but Jaemin’s performance so far had been exactly what they needed. Jaemin didn’t care about the reason he was selected but hurriedly followed Sharon to the location.

.

.

About a week later

Jiwoo

you never reply!!

what's up?

you actually replied :o

fuck you you haven’t replied for 3 weeks

what exactly do you think you’re doing???

this is why i don’t reply
you and i both know that’s not the reason

never mind that

where are u?

abroad and busy

well same

im doing a program

i won’t even ask what you’re doing but i’m hoping it’s related to photography

i want to know when you’ll be back

when i accomplish what i need to do



are u still in a slump? U know u can talk to me

ur annoying but i actually like you yk

ik u do

and i appreciate it

well as for my slump

i think i’ve overcome it so i’ll be back in a month

:o

REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED

well…

I met someone

who completely refreshed the way i thought abt photography

hold up

u like someone

that’s so cute but

u’ll definitely need to improve your communication skills if you wanna ask him out

u can’t air someone for 3 weeks

how do u know it’s a he

mark… you’re gay

fair enough but i didn’t say i like him

but u do

so who is he?



mark?

here we go again

Notes:

drop a cc?

Chapter 5

Notes:

finally let's gooo!!!

i really said fuck it and double updated even though it means i don't have a draft saved for the next update TT__TT
the last chapter was really short tho

ah well... guess i'll just have to work faster to have something ready to post tomorrow @.@

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Vancouver children’s photography contest - gold medal in 6th grade
Gangnam junior community annual picture event - gold medal every year through middle school
Seoul regional photography cup - first place in second and third year of middle school
Korea junior national photography championship - achieved in third year of middle school; the gleaming trophy sits at home right now, prize money still chilling in a firm bank account and an invitation to an elite three-month programme in Canada serving as a ticket to a settled spot in the photography industry before even starting high school.

The papers told of a 21st century child genius whose innate photography skills already rivalled those of seasoned photographers hailed as veterans in the industry. Everyone with an interest in pictures or cameras at that time knew of Lee Minhyung, a kid with a future brighter than others. A prodigy that could only be seen every thousand years.

The programme he embarked on meant that he started high school later than his peers, moreover the obvious difference in talent made many believe that he would end up a social recluse who would find it difficult to get along with others.

Contrary to popular belief, Lee Minhyung was a very approachable and outgoing guy whose little quirks charmed the majority of the people that came in contact with him; students and teachers alike. He never boasted his intellect but continued to try his hardest in everything he did, earning the respect of even his seniors.

His qualities enabled him to become the high school photography club president in his first year, going on to lead his club to top many inter-school competitions. At the end of his senior year, it was a given that he was awarded a scholarship to SMU and immediately ushered into the position of the college’s own photography club.

But Minhyung had begun to sense a niggling feeling deep within him, a feeling indescribable, a feeling that hung upon him like a grim reaper. And he ignored the sensation that suffocated him, that shrouded his emotions, that indicated that some part of him was knocking at death’s door. He registered his name as Mark Lee as if it was some half-hearted attempt at shedding the dark shadow clawing up his throat from the depth of his soul.

Nearly three years in, and a couple more awards later and whatever fuel that Mark ran on to keep creating artistic masterpieces with his deft camera skills suddenly simmered off. The foul and soul-sucking condition popularised as “artist’s block” had infected the young prodigy and any motivation and inspiration that he had once had in abundance had been completely consumed by the dark shadow within him.

Boring. Bland. Basic.

Isn’t it tragic when an artist doesn’t like his own artwork, his own creation? Mark found his photos one-dimensional and tasteless and for the very first time, he felt the difference between himself and the people around him. They just couldn’t understand what he meant when he said his photos were unsatisfactory.

“What are you saying? These are amazing” “ahh you’re just rubbing it in” “as expected of genius kid, nothing is good enough for you”

Each time he heard such words, his throat clogged up even more. He didn’t feel anything, not even a spark, from his pictures…

And no one understood.

Mark realised that his ability to connect with others was beginning to deteriorate, because the distance between him and the rest of his peers was too great; no one could understand him.

“Must be lucky to be a prodigy, you’re set for life”

Mark hated to be called a prodigy, a genius, a whiz-kid. It was self-constricting, limiting. It was like his life was being mapped out for him, like he was trapped. He was no genius, he was simply good at the things he liked. What sort of prodigy loses his mojo anyway?

If his peers couldn’t pick up on the downgrade in quality of his creations, the critics in the photography industry that now monitored everything he did, definitely could. It was apparent that he had lost his “flair” as quoted by one of the spokespeople.

The school papers had a field day putting him in the headlines, captioning him with condescending little sentences, little snippets of remarks made by envious veterans eager to prove that they couldn’t be beaten by a kid. The worst part was that they weren’t wrong; but words like “of course he’d slip a little, he’s in college and should have fun” or “high expectations would definitely pressurise and crush any little kid” or even “this is why I say training and gaining skills after thorough years of experience is so much better than relying on inborn talent” made Mark’s eyes smart with angry tears.

Wishing to drop everything and run away from the subject was a pure fantasy because photography gave Mark’s life aim. It was all he had known and done for years. He had nothing else.

College friends tried to cheer him up, “it’s okay you probably spent all your talent already. You’ve done good already” “This is your body telling you to ditch the cameras and actually live a little” “At least this shows that you’re human just like the rest of us” “You’re still set for life anyway”

Impassioned words that felt like mockery to him, pitiful glances, condescending pats on the back, non-humorous jibes and malicious posts on social media had more of an effect than he would like to admit. They were enough to change him such that two hour phone calls became two minute ones, back-and-forth chats reduced to a late reply, and even onto leaving messages unread.

He could no longer connect with the people around him. Funny how he really did end up becoming a social recluse.

Jiwoo, the vice-president and his closest friend Ten who shared a genuine interest in all forms of art, discussed with him and the dean of studies to arrange an indefinite leave from college to participate in various programmes overseas “to rejuvenate, revitalise and regain his mojo”. Mark was willing to do anything to bounce back to where he used to be, and travelling away was an escape from the suffocating SMU and Korea in general, as well as an excuse to cut contact with his… friends? Acquaintances? Peers? He didn’t even know what to call them anymore. Unfortunately, cutting people off became almost too easy for Mark as weeks went by, it became a habit so he didn’t make firm friends abroad, and didn’t have lasting relationships either. Ten and Jiwoo were the ones that made sure to keep in touch and check how he was faring and Mark greatly appreciated them, although he felt guilty that he never texted them first and often replied weeks later to their texts to show he was alive.

From: [email protected]

Subject: THIS IS A THREAT!!!

To: [email protected]

I mean it

I know you always check your emails for messages from your damn trainers/mentors/whatever the fuck you wanna call them. I'm not asking for much. Just make sure you text me AND jiwoo at LEAST once a month.

If you fail to do so even once, I will not hesitate to tell the dean that you're partying around instead of soul-searching and enriching yourself

P.S. I’ve gotten you a roommate. He’s my bestie and he’s more organised, cleaner and cuter than you so dw <3

Take care

love, Ten

To his habitual disappointment, Mark made no progress; the only positive being that he never let his skills get rusty. One of his mentors told him to not be downhearted, but to keep working hard to have good skills and the artist’s block would pass naturally. “Wait for the spark”

And one day while he was hard at work, the spark came.
It came in the form of a guy.

His name was Na Jaemin and he was intriguing.

Notes:

penny for your thoughts?
or drop a cc?

*sigh* no one's a simple character here

!! you should be able to scroll on the email. if you can't pls let me know !!

Chapter 6

Notes:

so i really did manage to whip up a chapter today @.@

thanks for all the lovely comments about the email in the last chapter, i can't take credit for that (>~<)
it's thanks to a bunch of tutorials here on ao3 and online, just lemme know if you want a link
i'm trying to teach myself css tho (the programming used for ao3) to develop my work skin... now i'm rambling @.@

tmi: we just started germany arc but i can't wait to return to korea :') two more chapters till we're back

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

‘I’m sure you must recognise the man over there as Dong Sicheng, renowned top model’

Jaemin actually didn’t know who he was until Yangyang had told him about his model cousin. But the black-haired boy nodded as if he hadn’t just looked up his photos the night before he travelled to Germany.

It had been a week of photoshoots and his individual photos had been sent off to Gayoung and her team to review and shortlist. The other models around Jaemin walked around all day with their fingers crossed, praying that they would make it into a page of the critically acclaimed magazine. Jaemin had been walking around with his fingers crossed, praying he would have the time to walk up to one of the many cameramen. But with the flurry of clicks and flashes, beauty blenders pummelling his skin and clothes ripped off him so he could jump into yet more clothes - Jaemin barely had time to even breathe.

One of the heads of something or the other (there were too many people introducing themselves with different statuses and in different languages) was explaining to Jaemin about the nature of the shoots he was to start participating in.

‘Well you’re going to be a backup model for him among others. Do your thing and make him stand out even more. It would be good for you to do well and get some recognition from him. Your modelling life will be smooth-sailing then.’ The man droned on and on, the good thing being that Jaemin understood that he was basically modelling with Yangyang’s cousin. ‘Run along now’

Jaemin on his way towards the celebrity was quickly intercepted by Sharon who touched up his makeup one last grueling time.

‘Jaemie darling, you’re really lucky to be with Sicheng, he’s really a sweetheart. Behind his back we call him Winwin because anyone working with him basically wins. Just do your usual best and don’t be nervous okay hmm’

Of course he would be kind. He’s related to Yangyang, Jaemin thought to himself, fondly remembering his best friend who was probably eating with the rest of their circle right now. The sudden urge to text his bestie disappeared as Sharon pushed him towards Sicheng and the other models.

Ever so courteous and well-mannered, Jaemin approached the celebrity (who he already considered an older brother in his head) in greeting, but Sicheng seemed to turn his nose up at him before turning away from him and announcing the start of the shoot. Maybe it was a figment of his imagination but it looked like the older had given him a sharp glare.
Shaking his head and dismissing it as tiredness, Jaemin got into position before the camera, turning off all his outside thoughts as he was taught.

 

Standing beside the head photographer, Mark Lee watched the models without much interest. He had spent months taking pictures of people without breaking through the block in the creative section of his brain.

The photographer, Shotaro, gave him a reassuring pat on his shoulders before commencing the shoot. As usual, Mark powered on his own camera and began to take pictures of his own from beside his mentor. Mark was really grateful to the celebrated photographer who treated him as an equal and a younger brother. Shotaro had taken him under his wing after he’d heard of his decline and he was sure the older wanted him back on his pedestal more than anyone else other than Mark himself.

Holding back an impatient sigh, Mark deleted all the photos he had taken. No doubt Dong Sicheng lived up to his name as his pictures did look quite good. But they still lacked the spark that Mark had gotten used to no longer having.

‘Patience, and a clear mind, Mark’ Shotaro mumbled as he shifted his camera. It was like the older could sense Mark’s resurfacing unease. ‘If it doesn’t work one way, try another way. It doesn’t matter how absurd’.

‘Right’ Mark replied, attempting to summon the forces of positivity to come to his side. He flexed his fingers while Shotaro instructed the models to change their poses. Closing his eyes this time, Mark tried to empty his thoughts as he took random pictures in the direction of the models.

Flicking through the pictures, Mark couldn’t stop himself from chuckling at the blurry messes he had taken. Oddly enough, there seemed to be more soul in the obscure pixels than in his better photos. The thought was enough to instantly dampen his thoughts and cut off his laughter.

Wait.

In one of the clearer photos he’d taken with his eyes closed, one model had stood out, had looked directly at the camera and it was not so much his ethereal looks but the way his existence in the photo was more impactful as the only identifiable figure in a mass of pixels. He was all sharp lines and dark lines in the colourful soft blur and Mark.. Mark was entranced. For the first time in a while, Mark Lee had been able to feel something from his image; his taken-on-a-whim photo had triggered an emotional reaction from him. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to dwell on the tingling feeling behind his ribs as Beomgyu, one of the other photographers on site, nudged him to get moving.

Without realising, the shoot had rounded up as Sicheng needed to attend another schedule.

Camera in hand and hand on heart, Mark prayed that the feeling would last and revive his dying creative cells.

But first he needed to take more pictures of a certain model.

 

‘Good work everyone’ Sicheng commended everyone with one of the most charming smiles Jaemin had ever seen. The atmosphere suddenly rose as the other backup models started to laugh, smile and cheer.

‘Sichenggg won’t you join us for karaoke after?’ one of the models, Jun asked as the other models pouted and looked at the senior model with pleading eyes.

‘Aww I’m just a bit too busy these days, we’ll see about the last day of the programme. How does a barbecue sound?’ Cheers instantly rose up in response to the attractive offer.

‘The Dong “Winwin” Sicheng is really going to grill meat for us?’ Mingi called in excitement.

‘My cooking even chases flies away’ Sicheng stated genuinely to the laughter of the crowd around him. ‘The most I’ll do is pay for everything and display my beautiful self. The rest is up to you lot’ he said jovially. Jaemin couldn’t help but smile at the heartwarming scene before him. He had definitely been mistaken earlier.

As the crowd around the top model thinned, Jaemin psyched himself up before going to talk to him. How could he not? Sicheng is Yangyang’s cousin, his best friend’s cousin. He was going to say hi as a family friend and not as a hoobae to a sunbae; he wanted to end the conversation with promises to exchange embarrassing stories about Yangyang.

‘Hi!’ he beamed brightly at the taller. ‘I’m Jaemin-’

‘Yangyang’s friend, I know’ Sicheng interrupted, his easy smile falling into a foul sneer that made Jaemin’s blood run icy cold. ‘You know, when I said good work to everyone earlier, I really meant it. I just forgot to point out that you were the exception. In one of the photos, you weren’t looking at the camera but elsewhere’

‘Oh I’m really sorry I instinctively reacted to another camera flash’ Jaemin hurriedly explained, mentally cursing himself for making such a mistake in an official shoot.

‘How do you expect others to take you seriously when you don’t even take yourself seriously? Do you know how stupid you sound? You reacted to a flash in a room full of cameras instead of paying attention to the one in front of you. Perhaps you feel that you are too special to work just as hard as the rest of us, if so you’ve come to the wrong place and are probably better off going back to Korea’

With that, Sicheng turned on his ridiculously classy Italian shoes, coat slung fashionably across his broad shoulder and briefcase clasped in another hand. His smile was back on as he waved goodbye to the other staff and models on scene.

Jaemin bit back angry tears that threatened to spill from his eyes as he hung his head. No. I won’t let another person step on me. He raised his head in pride. He didn’t need to prove anything to “wInWiN”. He was just another asshole to ignore and if he didn’t recognise Jaemin’s worth, Jaemin certainly did. He also guessed it wasn’t right to judge and instantly assume the sort of person Sicheng was based on his relation to Yangyang.

Another random day

Today I felt something when I saw him. In my pictures his stationary unmoving self seemed to be telling a story. He haunts my mind, like he bears a shadow similar to mine. Anyway, I have this weird feeling he's gonna cure my problem. He's pretty beautiful too but that's whatever. Who gets a crush at first sight anyway? What am I writing lmao this is why I hate diaries. I don't know why Dean Doyoung makes me do this. Or why he checks my private diary.

mark lee

because if I don't check you won't do it!! It'll all pay off, just trust me

Photoshoot day 2 and it’s been hours after endless hours, Sicheng is in a foul mood that isn’t unfairly directed to just one person, the models are anxious, the cameramen are on edge and Jaemin is exhausted.

Things had turned sour midway through an initially peaceful shoot. Shotaro (the head photographer) had called for a break and Sicheng as usual had gone over to monitor the photos that had been taken. For some reason, the model wasn’t satisfied with the outcome and didn’t hesitate to make his opinion heard.

‘Shotaro, these are good quality photos but they don’t seem to match the vibe of the magazine, you get me? Can we retake the pictures with the same pose?’

Shotaro who always put in his best in everything he did, had immediately agreed, apologising for not meeting the standards. The break ended as quickly as it had started and they were back to holding uncomfortable poses for an hour and a half more before Sicheng went to look at the results once again.

‘Shotaro, I don’t think you understood what I meant. Let’s do a retake. None of these photos match the vibe that we’re going for here’ and if the models groaned a little at the mention of yet more hours in front of the camera, Sicheng pretended not to hear it. At the very least, Sicheng showed how serious he was when it came to his work, even if it meant trampling on others’ feelings unkindly.

.
.
.
‘Again’

‘Retake’

‘Again!’

‘This isn’t it for fuck’s sake!’

‘Now even the models are doing a shoddy job!’ Sicheng bellowed. Maybe if you didn’t tire everyone out while screaming at us, Jaemin thought to himself, preventing himself from rolling his eyes. ‘Pack up the cameras, we’re done for the day’.

Sicheng stalked off in anger, leaving the models to finally collapse onto the ground. Shotaro hurried out from behind the main camera, looking small despite his tall build. ‘I apologise for my incompetence, please take a break, this was my fault and I’ll do better’ he humbly apologised, bowing ninety degrees to first the bitter models and then to the staff around them who looked worn.

Instantly any rancour boiling in everyone’s blood seeped out of them as they looked at the head photographer, telling him that it’s okay and cheering him on before filing out of the studio.

Jaemin could feel his heart breaking at the look of embarrassment that seemed imprinted on Shotaro who was positively scarlet as he packed up his equipment. He couldn’t help but put himself into the older guy’s shoes. Shotaro really did put in his all into every single picture he took that day but got nothing back in terms of results.

Jaemin didn’t get to think for long before his phone blew up with notifications. It was the model’s group chat that he’d been added to against his will. Evidently the one week he had muted them for had already come to an end, hence the flood of messages. Jaemin held the notification in an attempt to open up the shortcut menu that would allow him to mute the group for yet another week. Unfortunately he didn’t hold the notification for long enough as the group chat opened up instead.

We sexy beasts

Jun
who knew winwin was such a diva
Mingi
I just feel bad for poor shotaro
Yoojung
what was sicheng’s deal anyway
Joan
ikr i didn’t see anything wrong with the photos
Mika
its the way he embarrassed a top well-known photographer too
Doyeon
and shotaro the sweetheart just apologised
Erika
i’m scared for tmrw huhu
Mingi
me too, can someone cover for me TT
Joan
no you’d be in even more trouble lol
Doyeon
anyway is anyone going out? I don’t wanna go alone…
Matthew
no thanks i’m beat
Mika
yeah it’s straight to bed for me… who knows how long we’ll be in here tmrw
Jun
i’ll come with you, i need a breather
Mingi
same i need a pick me up
Yoojung
lemme shower… wait up
Doyeon
where’s jaem is he coming?

Jaemin sighed and muted the conversation for a year instead before turning back to the cameramen that were hard at work, packing up equipment that they were still going to have to get up early in the morning to set up again. He did want to go out into the city (as they very rarely had breaks) but something inside him wouldn’t let him forget about the disappointment on Shotaro’s face. He knew from childhood that it was never good when a photographer didn’t like his own photos.

Call it photographer’s kinship or whatever but something spurred the black-haired boy to walk up to the head photographer, for the first time noticing a guy with… how do you not notice a guy with bright orange hair??? Who stood next to Shotaro.

Notes:

what are we thinking?

drop a cc?

ok now jaemin finally met mark, tho he doesn't know he's mark yet *sobs*
so let's just say he's seen mark now

and somehow i think i've mentioned every nct member in this series without even trying to ;-;

Chapter 7

Notes:

a very long chapter

also i forgot to say this last chapter but pretend shotaro’s older than markmin here ;-;

pls pls pls click the links for the socmed posts ;-;
the pics no longer open up on mobile for some reason (i still need to figure out why)
the links will take you to a thread with the pics
ppl that read as i updated got to see the posts already and i don't want new readers to miss out TT__TT

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

‘Uhh hey’ Jaemin greeted nervously. The last time he had tried to speak to someone here hadn’t gone very well. Thankfully Shotaro offered a warm smile which sent a pang in Jaemin’s heart. Shotaro reminded him of himself, always wearing a smile for others despite the pain they beared.

‘Hi’ The cameraman nodded politely. ‘Can I help you with anything?’

‘Would you mind if I took a look at the photos from today? Maybe give a fresh perspective… so we can overcome the problem together?’ Jaemin fidgeted slightly, looking from the curly haired brunette to the neon orange guy beside him then back to the brunette.

‘Yeah, sure, god knows I could do with some help’ Shotaro laughed gently, reaching for his camera. As Jaemin flicked through and admired each photo, he felt something - some understanding of perhaps what Sicheng had meant by the vibe or aura of the shots.

‘These are lovely Shotaro hyung’ Jaemin marvelled. ‘I wish I could take pictures like these’.

Shotaro beamed at the compliment and Jaemin couldn’t help but feel shocked. He had expected a haughty and aloof characteristic from someone labelled as a head photographer but Shotaro was rather cute and bumbly.

‘Ah no no you flatter me’ Shotaro giggled. ‘Do you have an interest in photography?’

Pffft. An interest? Oh boy if only you knew. But Jaemin simply nodded before turning to the boy with the camera slung around his neck. ‘Actually do you mind if I borrow that?’

‘Uh wh-what huh’ the guy gawked at him in return, looking slightly flustered.

‘Can I borrow your camera for a second?’ Jaemin repeated, this time more clearly.

‘Oh uh sure I guess’ the guy replied, awkwardly slipping the camera over his head and into the hands of the beauty before him.

‘Great thanks!’ Jaemin cheered in relief. ‘Now I’m just gonna take some photos of you if that’s okay with you’ Jaemin glanced at the orange-haired before focusing on the object on his hands. He relished the weight and feel of the camera - the expensive type that he hadn’t touched since forever.

Meanwhile the actual owner of the camera stood across from Jaemin, gaping like a fish to the entertainment of Shotaro and some others nearby idly watching the interaction.

‘But I don’t know how to model! I can’t even do a basic pose!’ The orange-haired exclaimed in mild panic.

‘That’s okay, we all have a first time. Just be pretty as you are and do whatever you like and I’ll make you look nice don’t stress’ Jaemin reassured him.

‘Did you just call me pretty?’ he asked with widened eyes.

‘Well duh, this can’t be the first time you’ve heard that’ Jaemin blinked, getting into position behind the camera.

‘Wait wait I don’t know what I’m doing- and do you even know how to use that? It’s not a regular camera you know’

‘Freeze!’ instinctively the orange-haired guy followed the command and stopped immediately the flash of the camera went off. The model looked very pleased with himself as he admired the photo on the camera screen.

‘Look at this!’ He gestured to the orange head and Shotaro. ‘I don’t know but I feel this is what Sicheng meant’

There was silence for a second before Shotaro fell onto the ground rolling. ‘Mark… this is it, I finally understand now’

ahh so his name is Mark.

‘Whew I’m impressed’ Shotaro breathed out, finally getting to his feet. ‘And Mark you’re surprisingly good-looking, like really good-looking’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Mark yelled in indignation. He’d never doubted his looks before. Never questioned them.

‘It’s the hair’ the model added. ‘The style and the colour’

‘It’s a tragedy’ Shotaro agreed.

Mark sighed tiredly. ‘You said it was nice though’ He didn’t drag himself to work today to be betrayed.

‘I didn’t want to be mean and there’s no way I could just pretend I didn’t see a bright head of orange hair’ Shotaro explained belligerently. At least he’s in a good mood now.

‘Sorry’ he added not so sincerely as the model laughed.

‘It doesn’t matter what we think, Mark’ the model said ‘as long as you like it it’s fine. Just do what you want’

And although the model said all this jovially, his words were serious and profound and Mark? Mark felt genuinely grateful to hear the words he didn’t know he needed to hear.

Forget what others think and just do what you want.

‘Honestly thank you so much’ Shotaro said warmly to the model. ‘For everything’.

‘No it’s nothing’ the model replied, ‘call it photographer’s kinship’

‘I knew it! There’s no way you’re not a photographer’ Shotaro cried in excitement. ‘Why are you modelling? Don’t waste away your skills’

‘Circumstances brought me here’ The black-haired beauty said simply, and Mark didn’t miss the shadow that flitted briefly behind the model’s irises. ‘But I definitely love photography although I don’t know if I deserve her’

Mark and Shotaro stared at the model in a comfortable silence. He was enchanting and his words always bore layers of meaning and despite his bright looks, he bore a shadow within him.

‘What’s your name?’ Shotaro asked.

‘I’m Na Jaemin’ he replied. ‘And we should really finish packing things up’

 

The same random day

He’s unfairly beautiful it’s hard to look away from him. He’s the kind that’s hard to reach. Maybe I have a teeny tiny crush but he seems to get along more with Shotaro. I’ve never been jealous of my mentor before but there’s a first time for everything right?

That’s what he told me anyway. He also took a photo of me, and that’s when I realised that no one has ever taken a picture of me before. Like a proper photo, not the “hey let’s take a group selca” or “you’re shaking hands with the president, smile for the camera!” kind of photo. It felt different, like I was getting looked at, not my camera or my talent or skills. For the first time in a while, I didn’t feel so different or disconnected from people, it’s like he broke the fourth wall with me

I’m going to do what I want and I’m gonna take pictures of Na Jaemin.

Beat that Shotaro,
Mark Lee

 

Yangyang :p

how was your shoot

did you meet my cousin yet

it was good

just exhausting

And Yh I did

He’s really skilled

he was nice to you right?

I hope he doesn’t make it look like favoritism

nah nothing like that :p

you guys are nothing alike btw

Yh ofc not

He’s way better looking

not to me :p

thanks bestie <3

I’m glad if at least one person says that lol

I've always got ur back

Ik

same here

anyway

did anything interesting happen?

not really

But I met a famous photographer

And a guy with bright orange hair

is he cute

when he’s flustered yeah

Otherwise he’s more handsome than cute

you made the famous dude flustered??

What are you Na Jaemin :0

I meant the guy with orange hair

But the photographer is cute too tho

:0

Don’t fall for a weirdo jaem

Heal properly

I need to approve of him first

aren’t you getting ahead of yourself ? TT

SOCMED POST

Marker Lee

what colour did you say your hair was again



It’s been about a month since your last reply

orange

SOCMED POST

Day three welcomed the arrival of nervous models onto the set as they awaited Sicheng’s arrival. The camera crew on the other hand seemed very comfortable, having witnessed the breakthrough that had occurred the night before. They had gotten to the set rather early and in high spirits, confident that the day would proceed far more smoothly than the day before.

Only Shotaro looked a little tense, but could you blame the guy? The atmosphere of the entire shoot was riding on his ability to satisfy Sicheng with his photos. Jaemin sent him a thumbs up and a look that seemed to say “you’ve got this”. Shotaro smile wanly back.

Something shifted when Dong Sicheng walked into the studio with a coffee in one hand and his trademark coat draped on his other arm. However he had a smile drawn across his face as he greeted everyone good morning.

‘Yesterday didn’t go as planned but hopefully today will be better. Fighting!!’ He called.

‘Fighting!!’ Everyone one cheered in response, the models releasing their bated breaths as the tension building up dissolved. Sicheng was in a good mood.

Jaemin didn’t need to look to notice how Sicheng smiled at everyone but him. The older obviously held something against him and frankly, Jaemin didn’t care. He was determined not to let any negative thought cloud his mind as he worked. He was eager to finish up quickly so he could bombard Shotaro with questions to improve his skills. He didn’t have that much time left before the end of the programme.

‘Positions everyone!’ Winwin commanded authoritatively as the models hurried into their well-practiced poses in front of the camera.

1.

Jaemin uttered a quick prayer for Shotaro.

2.

It looked like the other models were doing the same.

3.

Jaemin made eye contact with Mark before focusing back on Shotaro’s camera.

Flash.

.

.

.

About half an hour later, Sicheng called for a break. Instead of scurrying away to gossip and enjoy refreshments, the models decided to congregate around the monitor with Sicheng to inspect the photos.

Shotaro didn’t even look but drummed his fingers anxiously on the tripod stand which carried his camera. Mark squeezed his arm in an attempt to reassure him, ‘you did awesome man’ he muttered under his breath.

‘This is it! Shotaro you crook, these are perfect’ Sicheng cried in amazement. ‘Here I was going crazy since no one seemed to understand what I meant by a photo having a vibe’ The tall model smacked Shotaro’s back as even the camera crew cheered.

‘As much as I’d love to, I’m afraid I can’t take credit for these photos’ Shotaro smiled, a warm blush of embarrassment and relief lightly dusting his cheeks. ‘Actually,...’ he gestured to Sicheng to come closer. When Sicheng brought his ear towards Shotaro’s mouth, the smaller grabbed it and twisted it vengefully. ‘That’s for being an asshole’ he grinned as the taller winced in pain.

‘I’m sorry I’m sorry but you have to admit my point was valid’ Sicheng insisted.

‘You just have an inelegant way of putting your point across’ Shotaro concluded. ‘Anyway it’s Jaemin you have to thank. He stayed behind after yesterday’s shoot and showed me the light’

‘Showed you… the light?’ Sicheng asked in confusion whilst looking in Jaemin’s direction. The latter had been drawn into a conversation with Doyeon, Yoojung and Mingi, three other models on set.

‘Yeah, he demonstrated by taking a picture of Mark over here’ Shotaro elucidated. ‘Mark bring your camera’

Mark felt panic rise in his throat as he realised that Sicheng would see all the pictures of Jaemin he’d taken, but he had no time to explain. Passing the camera to the model felt like he was signing his own death warrant. He wouldn’t be able to live it down.

To his surprise however, Sicheng didn’t say a word. He didn’t even display a single hint of a reaction as he simply scrolled through to the photo Jaemin had taken of him.

‘Wow’ Sicheng exhaled. ‘You mean to say Jaemin took this? How was he able to immediately understand what I meant too’ he wondered aloud before turning towards the black-haired model yet again. ‘Jaemin! Please come over here’

Thanks to Shotaro’s encouraging smile, the anxiety building up in Jaemin’s chest as a result of the impromptu summon immediately dissipated. I guess everything went well.

‘Shotaro’s just been telling me that you took these photos of Mark over here’ Sicheng started. ‘Do you mind temporarily assuming the role of a photographer and taking some pictures of me? Just a few solo shots, whatever style you please’

‘R-really? Like right now’ Jaemin’s impossibly large eyes widened even more. This was not what he’d expected.

‘You don’t want to?’

‘N-no of course. I’ll do it’ and with that, Sicheng pushed Mark’s camera into Jaemin’s hands before assuming a position in front of him.

Nervousness fading away behind the camera, Jaemin had fun capturing the top model in a variety of poses. It felt right, being able to portray Sicheng’s sentiment as he pleased; because the cameraman was the one truly in control. It was he who could choose to emphasise certain details, what themes to express.

Everyone that wasn’t Sicheng was immediately enraptured by the pure, genuine, unadulterated smile on Jaemin’s face as he took photo after photo after photo.

‘Great’ Sicheng finally felt that he’d done enough, springing out of position to monitor Jaemin’s pictures.

A collective gasp went around the room as the glory of Jaemin’s work was there for all to see. ‘Brilliant’ Sicheng mumbled under his breath. ‘These are utterly brilliant’

In the crowd of people gathered around him, Jaemin shone like a beacon. It didn’t help that his dazzling smile was still on display. Put that thing away goddamnit. Mark thought to himself, an unknown feeling floating around inside him.

Yet another random day

I guess I don’t have a crush. I’m probably just jealous. He shines so brightly in contrast to my inner darkness, it’s like I can’t reach him. He sparks emotions in his photos and his presence is soothing, like everything will be okay. He always puts a smile on people’s faces. Everywhere he goes, people remember Na Jaemin. It has to be jealousy right? I used to be like that too after all…

Anyway he really needs to stop smiling because it’s so attractive, it makes me jealous?

Mark Lee

‘Okay everyone break’s over!’ Sicheng called for everyone to resume their positions.

 

After the shoot had wrapped up on a happy note, Sicheng called for Jaemin to stay behind. So with smiles and friendly pats on the back, the models left the studio to take their well-deserved breaks.

Satisfied when the last loitering model had exited the studio, Sicheng made his way to the younger who was waiting expectantly.

‘Hey’ He began. ‘I think you and I would both agree that a chat is long overdue’ he smiled guiltily as Jaemin nodded awkwardly. They hadn’t really gotten off on the right foot (thanks to Sicheng of course). ‘Truth be told, I didn’t like you’.

It had been very evident to Jaemin that he was disliked but the thought didn’t cushion the blow of the spoken fact. He didn’t even know what he had done wrong to warrant such sentiments from the older guy.

‘When I received a call from my favourite cousin Yangyang, to please help out his best friend’ Sicheng paused. ‘Alarm bells went off in my head’. He paused again, looking Jaemin directly in the eye. ‘I thought you were another fake friend trying to use Yangie for his connections. I can’t refuse Yangie to his face so I told him I’d do my best to help you out, whilst planning how to teach you a lesson’

Forgetting the unfairness of Sicheng’s assumption, Jaemin was more concerned with what the older had hinted in his words. ‘Wait what do you mean by another fake friend?’ he blurted out.

‘Yangyang has always been a sociable kid, the kind that butts into your life and makes a permanent space there’ yep. Jaemin could agree to that. ‘With his personality, he knows so many people from different walks of life because he could just sit down and start a conversation with a random homeless guy. It always makes me worry but even the bad guys can’t hurt Yangie because he never judges people. He values friendship a lot to the point of naivety’ Sicheng sighed. ‘He would do anything for his friends so he got used a lot and kicked to the side when they were done with him. He always put in the most effort in his friendships but got little to nothing in return. Obviously when he came to me on your behalf I was definitely not going to put up with another little shit’

‘I would never treat Yangyang like that’ Jaemin stated fiercely and protectively. ‘We’re both each other’s pillar and I’m going to make sure no one will trample on him ever again’

Sicheng laughed at the conviction in Jaemin’s tone. ‘Yes I’ve realised you’re not an unserious talentless wannabe. I apologise for judging you and treating you like shit this whole time.’

‘I was really hurt’ Jaemin replied. ‘I’ve had enough of people treating me badly. But after hearing my best friend’s story, I can hardly blame you’ Jaemin forgave.

‘Thank you Jaemin’ Sicheng bowed gratefully. ‘I also noticed how you didn’t tattle on me to Yangie. That was all it would take to get me to stop bullying you’

‘There’s no way I’d tell Yangyang that his beloved cousin was actually a bitch’ Jaemin chortled, together with Sicheng who was now giggling too.

‘I’ve actually heard from the staff about the way you treat them with courtesy and respect. That’s really impressive, especially for gifted people. Your determination to get here is commendable and you’re stunning too, I think you’d be a great fit for Yangie’

Jaemin choked on his saliva at Sicheng’s remark. ‘Sorry but we’re just best friends who love each other platonically. What you just said sounded like incest to me’

‘If you say so’ Sicheng wiggled his eyebrows to the younger’s annoyance. ‘Anyway, the editors have decided to use some of the pictures you’ve taken before, your solo shots, in the magazine. Also, your modelling experience ends here if you want; Shotaro, our head photographer, has requested to be your mentor for the rest of the programme. Congratulations!’

Jaemin’s legs felt like jelly after Sicheng handed him Mark’s camera and left. He was swimming in the clouds right now. Nothing felt real. For a long time it had always been “I’m going to do this to get into photography again” or “If I work hard enough, I’ll get there”. Nothing had prepared Jaemin for the feeling of actually touching his dream.

yangyang :p

yangie :p

When I get back im going to buy you all the shoes you want

Start compiling a list

And don’t hold back

:D

I screenshotted this btw

Jaemin looked down at the camera in his hands, scrolling through the pictures joyously, a silly tune in his head. He went through all the photos he had taken of Sicheng until he scrolled just a bit too far and found beautiful pictures of…

Oh?

 

‘Hey Mark’ Jaemin greeted brightly, walking up to the orange-haired. He was helping to pack up Shotaro’s things while the latter was on the phone at the far end of the room.

‘Oh hey Jaemin’ Mark looked up at him in reply. ‘Are you looking for Shotaro?’

‘Nope I came for you’ Jaemin extended the camera towards him. ‘Your camera’ he said, looking at Mark in scrutiny.

‘Oh thanks so much! I totally thought Sicheng was gonna leave with it for a hot second’ He sighed in relief, a tad dramatically.

‘What, so you were just going to let him walk away with your camera if he didn’t remember to return it?’ Jaemin laughed as Mark rubbed the back of his neck.
‘Well at least you now know I’m a fumbling idiot’ Mark grumbled as Jaemin still laughed at him with mirth.

‘Relax I was just joking’ Jaemin collected himself. ‘But you’re so clumsy it’s cute’ and of course Mark’s cheeks just had to betray him by flushing red. Why did it seem like Na Jaemin could send his emotions haywire?

‘Also Mark…’ Jaemin continued, ‘Mind explaining what these are?’ The camera was currently displaying one of the pictures he had taken of the black-haired beauty

And god, Mark wished he was buried six feet under.

‘Uh-umm don’t get me wrong’ He stuttered. ‘I’m not a creep’

‘I didn’t say you were’ Jaemin replied, amusement lighting up his mischievous gorgeous eyes.

‘It’s.. it’s a long story’ Mark mumbled in shame, sinking to the ground in a cross-legged position, his head hung low.

‘I’ve got time’ Jaemin smiled, a glint still in his eyes.

.

.

.

‘So I totally understand if you want to avoid me from now on-’ Mark rushed.

‘Let me be your muse’ Jaemin interrupted instead.

‘My what now?’ Mark asked incredulously, not believing what he had just heard. That’s not how it’s meant to go.

‘You heard me loud and clear Mark. Besides, you said it yourself - I can help you solve your creativity problem. I know how bad it feels to watch your dream or love slipping between your fingertips’ Jaemin explained calmly, no trace of mockery in his expression or tone. ‘There’s something about you that’s similar to me yet opposite’

‘Jaemin, wow I- I don’t know what to say… I don’t deserve you’ Mark felt his throat clogging up. Jaemin, beautiful radiant Jaemin, was offering to help him. ‘You’re like a guardian angel and I don’t know how I’m ever gonna repay you’

‘Well…’ Jaemin started, the mischievous glint back in his eyes, ‘You can start by taking me out into town tomorrow. I haven’t really been out to explore since I came here, and we could take some nice natural photos of each other - it would definitely help with your artists block. Just me, you and your camera and we’ll let nature take its course. Yes, some lovely random candid shots should do the trick-’

Watching Jaemin ramble, Mark felt something tug at his heartstrings. Does the heart even have strings? From the short time in which he’d gotten to know the younger, (barely two days) Mark had realised that Na Jaemin was unordinary and unrivalled.

And maybe he really did have a *tiny* crush on him.

Jiwoo noona

noona!

I just wanted to say thank you

I finally got shifted to photography and I got to meet some fantastic people

And it’s all thanks to you

Because of you i felt motivated to work really hard at modelling

And my hard work got me to meet dong sicheng

Which in turn led me to meet a well respected photographer

And now he’s my mentor

aww jaeminnn

I’m so happy for you

You deserve it!!

Make sure you keep a record of everything you learn okay

You can share it with the photography club upon your return

could it be that the president is back? :0

he’ll be back around a similar time as you

He told me he’ll be back in a month

So that’s double good news for you

With your affiliation to the club, more opportunities will be opened up for you

Keep working hard and take regular breaks

Noona will be here if you have any worries

fighting !!

SOCMED POST

Secretly Sicheng had conspired with the editor to exchange his photo with one of the one’s Mark had taken of Jaemin. The photo was subliminal and was honestly a masterpiece. No other picture taken so far on set measured up to the candid shot.

Ten's kittens

Johnny

Jaemin why didnt you tell us you were on vogue

I’m on vogue?

Hendery

Lmaooo

Yangyang

It’s true jaem and i didn’t read the flier, we just signed him up ;-;

Ten

You’re already a hot topic on campus, this will blow up

I never knew the programme was so elite

Ten

You better give jiwoo some flowers

Yangyang

No way that’ll spark drama

Ten

Since when did we care? Drama is my middle name and i predict even more coming in the future ;)

Hendery

Do you guys check that facebook tea page? They’re obsessed with jaem

Johnny

No who even uses facebook nowadays?

Hendery

I see screenshots of it on instagram and twitter sometimes

Yangyang



I use it, for the rewards in my games

SOCMED POST

Notes:

note that I don't know anything about photography @.@

anyway, thoughts?
or as usual, you can drop a cc

i have chapter 8 ready but the issue with photos not loading has cost me a day to *attempt* to rectify
i've had to link to a thread with the posts and since i've already made the posts for chapter 8, i'm gonna have to make links for that too

Chapter 8

Notes:

thank you so much for the comments and ccs!! pls don't be afraid to discuss, ask questions, rant or give your input on anything

also the germany arc should have ended here but it would make the chapter too long, so i've split it into two

note: idk anything about germany... everything is based on research ;-;
('research' meaning a quick search on google)

the social media posts are in the links so pls click on them!! (you'll see when you get there). i've had to do it like this because i noticed that all the pictures in the last chapter disappeared and i can't get them to load again :((

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Upon his first impression of model Jaemin at the studio, Mark had considered the younger quite intimidating as he was all sharp lines, dark hair and flawless makeup. The Jaemin in front of him however, looked positively adorable with his pastel colour scheme and soft toned makeup. The younger’s appearance was practically begging to be hugged. Coughing slightly to cover up the blush blooming across his cheeks, Mark attempted to smile in a way that seemed normal and friendly.

“Hey Jaem” he greeted as the latter approached him. The duo had decided to meet up outside the studio before going on what Jaemin called ‘a journey to find Mark’s lost creativity’ and what to the casual onlooker, would look like a date.

“Hi Mark” Jaemin smiled back before digging into his bunny-embroidered tote bag for his phone. Mark had to fight his urge to run his fingers through Jaemin’s silky black locks which glittered in the early sunlight. “I found a cafe that we could stop by and- what is it?”

Jaemin had looked up and caught the orange-haired staring at him. Not for the first time, Mark wished he could be buried six feet under. “Is my hair messy?”

“N-no, you just look really good today” Mark internally groaned, cursing himself for being so socially awkward. Luckily for him, instead of being weirded out, Jaemin was beaming shyly.

“Do you mean I don’t usually look good?” He teased, his cheeks still very lightly tinted red.

“No it’s just that I haven’t actually seen you in your own clothes” It was true, Mark only ever saw Jaemin in his modelling outfits or basic tracksuits that he wore after changing out of the outfits to head back home. It was refreshing, Mark decided. It felt like he was getting to see more of the black-haired beauty in his natural element.

“Haha I was just kidding” Jaemin giggled. Damn I’m even getting addicted to his laughter, why does he have to be so perfect? “Anyway thanks for the compliment, you look great too! I was just saying that there’s this cafe-” Jaemin paused again. “Mark”

“H-huh?” Mark replied, startled out of his reverie.
“You’re staring” Jaemin tried to suppress his laughter, Mark was so ditzy it was kind of adorable. It was weird, because if it were one of his friends back in Korea, he’d be irritated if they kept getting distracted while he was talking.

“Jaem I’m so sorry, what were you saying” The older didn’t even bother to hide his flushed face as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, a habit Jaemin had picked up on. Mark always rubbed his neck when he was embarrassed.

“Are you up for breakfast?”

 

Tasse Kaffee was an aesthetically designed, cosy cafe tucked in the corner of an old-fashioned cobblestone street not too far from the studio. The blackboard outside displayed the specials of the day and the windowsills were lined with beautiful potted plants which greeted passerbys, beckoning them to the snug and intimate cafe. Freshly baked pastries, simmering pancakes and brewed coffee filled the air with an ambrosial aroma which welcomed customers inside. I should get some flowers for Taeil’s Tasty Treats, Jaemin thought to himself.

Wow” Mark breathed as they chose a window seat, staring wistfully around the cafe and at the dainty tablecloths which adorned each table.

“I know right” Jaemin marvelled, picking up the menu in front of him. From what he saw, the meals were fairly priced, despite the warm yet elegant ambiance of the place. “My friend would say it’s very instagram-worthy” He added, feeling reminiscent of Hendery.

“I’d love to keep ogling the place but I’m getting kinda hungry” Mark was NOT going to have his stomach growling in front of Jaemin. He’d probably mistake it for an engine anyway. “The blackboard outside said there’s a special discount on the frankfurter and pancakes combo today”

“Sounds good, and I want to try German coffee,” Jaemin concurred after perusing the menu still in his hands.

“Okay I’ll go up and ask for two German coffees too” Mark said, getting to his feet while patting his pockets to make sure he had his wallet on him.

“Are you sure you want it? I heard it’s quite bitter” Jaemin asked in concern. He didn’t want to lead the older into spending money on something he wouldn’t like.

“Nothing sugar can’t solve” Mark shrugged simply. “Don’t worry, I’m buying it of my own accord” and with that, the orange-haired departed for the counter where a middle-aged man smiled pleasantly at him.

“Hi! Could I have two servings of the special breakfast set A with two German coffees please?” Mark requested politely.

“Are you sure you want to try this coffee? It has brandy in it” The man warned, a slight smile on his face. Tourists always tried it for the novelty and ended up disliking it.

“Brandy?” Mark asked blankly.

Kirschwassen” The man replied. “A brandy made from fermented cherries but it isn’t sweet at all. We mix it in with the coffee and top it off with whipped cream”

“I’ll take it, I’m sure sugar and the whipped cream will deal with any bitterness” Mark said jovially.

“Sugar only covers up the bitterness without actually taking it away. Sometimes it’s better to endure that bitterness knowing that you’ll cleanse your tongue with something sweet later. When that happens, you’ll notice that you are now more tolerant to bitterness” The old man chuckled knowingly. “Today I’ll give you a special couple’s discount for listening to my words”.

“You sure do seem to love coffee a lot” Mark goggled in awe “and I think you’ve misunderstood my relationship with-”

“Here, take this and don’t keep him waiting” The man ushered, handing a tray full of food to Mark. “It’s never good to make your partner wait” Then giving Mark a light push, the man winked nostalgically.

Boy did he enjoy imparting wise words of advice on dense young adults.

Breakfast turned out as delectable as the cafe looked; Jaemin and Mark had to coax themselves not to immediately dive in until they’d taken some suitable photos. Each mouthful was pure and utter bliss and just as they were about to climax and hit their foodgasm, Mark just had to sip his coffee.

It started with his face contorting as if he was subjected to a crucius curse. His eyes screwed shut as he struggled to swallow the morbid drink, his face losing all colour. The coffee had no intentions of sparing Mark though; immediately he succeeded in getting it down his throat, he began to splutter. In a heartbeat Jaemin was up and rubbing his back, automatically ceasing his giggles.

Recovering from the temporary coffee attack after the cafe owner had brought him a glass of water, Mark realised that he’d unknowingly decorated Jaemin’s sweater with death drink: the same death drink that Jaemin was currently downing like water even without the embellishments of extra milk and sugar. After countless embarrassing moments, Mark couldn’t even be ashamed of himself anymore. He’d more or less given up on himself.

“Jaem I’m so sorry, here do you wanna borrow my jacket? I’ll pay to clean your sweater” he apologised to the younger, feeling bad for constantly making clumsy mistakes when they’d barely started the day.

“It’s okay Mark, I was planning to look around the shops anyway” Jaemin (who was such an angel) reassured him. “For now I’ll pretend it’s art”

“Okay let’s look for a new sweater first then” suggested Mark, still feeling apologetic towards the younger. “And if you’re not happy about something please just say so okay, you don’t always have to be so considerate. Do things for you”

“...” It was Jaemin’s turn to stare at Mark. “Thanks Mark, I’ll keep that in mind”

“Alright then let’s go?” Mark coughed, trying to get rid of the awkward atmosphere. Apparently he was the only one feeling awkward as Jaemin smiled brightly as he thanked the cafe owner.

“Whenever you come again, your next order will be on the house” The man beamed back at the black-haired boy.

“Really? But why?” Jaemin expressed in pleasant surprise. He hadn’t really had any interactions with the man.

“You’re the only one that’s been able to finish the German coffee”

“Seriously? I really enjoyed it by the way” Jaemin replied happily. “Maybe it’s because I used to drink my americanos with eight shots of espresso”.

The expression on Mark’s face was one Jaemin was familiar with anytime someone new found out about his strange coffee preference. However, the cafe owner looked unfazed. “Why did you stop” He asked curiously.

Jaemin swallowed at the painful memory, suddenly plunged into the ghosts of his past, of Jeno. “Someone told me it wasn’t healthy and they would cut all ties with me if I didn’t stop”

“That person must have really cared for you” The man whistled softly.

“Yeah I guess he did” and just for a second, Mark caught a second glimpse of a shadow behind the younger’s eyes. More than a shadow, it was more like a lingering poignant sadness. He wanted to envelope Jaemin into his arms.

“Too much bitterness isn’t good either. A balance is required and sweetness to cleanse your tongue” The man muttered quietly. “Thanks for coming to Tasee Kaffee and please do visit again”

The duo bade the man goodbye, their bellies full, their brains riddled with the cafe owner’s confusing words which seemed to bear double meanings, and their hearts excited to go out into the western city.

 

The boys had been wandering around the city without a guide or a map (because again Jaemin had thought it would make for more sentimental photos if they came across an alluring location by chance. Serendipity, he called it).

While they really had found some truly scenic spots, a proper clothes shop was still elusive after about an hour of walking around (taking breaks of course). It was getting quite tiring as they swapped carrying Jaemin’s tote bag that was now laden with trinkets and souvenirs they’d picked up in the cute little stores around them. Just as Jaemin was about to surrender and open up his map app, Mark spied a shop’s display window.

“Jaem look! Scarves!!” He almost cried in relief. “It’s not a sweater but it’d still cover you up” Tugging Jaemin’s arm towards the shop in excitement with a renewed burst of energy, Mark failed to realise the tell-tale blush spreading across Jaemin’s face at the sudden contact.

The shop’s interior provided respite to the duo from the cold outside. Looking around the little boutique, they quickly realised that Mark had found a goldmine. Boasting a range of different styles ranging from vintage to goth to casual to bohemian for cheap prices, the scarves on display didn’t do justice to the contents of the store. If they hadn’t been desperate, they would have simply walked past the nondescript shop.

Jaemin and Mark gradually split apart as they were drawn to different clotheslines, fingers moving clothes aside and eyes roving over each hanger. “Markie?” was all it took for Mark to rush to the younger’s side. “What do you think of this hoodie?” He asked, indicating a big mint green hoodie.

Analysing the hoodie with his photographer’s eye, he could imagine Jaemin looking so small and cuddly with the sleeves of the hoodie running way past his pretty hands. He swallowed deeply. “I’ll buy it for you, you’d look cute. Really cute”

Jaemin was really blushing this time at the direct compliment; the absence of Mark’s usual stutter didn’t allow him to compose himself. “Ahh what are you saying Mark? You haven’t even seen me wear it yet” The younger mumbled before quickly disappearing off into another aisle of clothes.

SOCMED POST

Mark couldn’t help but smile when he saw the mint green hoodie in the younger’s basket. It felt really satisfying to be the one doing the flustering this time. Focusing back on his shopping, he soon realised that he didn’t feel like getting anything for himself. He didn’t really go out anyway. Browsing through yet another rack of clothes, Mark found what he considered the holy grail:

Matching hoodies.

Discreetly paying for the hoodies, Mark headed to where he spotted Jaemin’s head of luscious black hair from an aisle a distance from where he stood. “Jaem are you done?”

“Yeah- wait did you buy your stuff already?” Jaemin asked in surprise and mock betrayal. “What did you get then? I hope it’s not more orange hair dye”

“No I didn’t don’t worry” Mark rolled his eyes playfully at the younger’s jab. “But I thought these were cute but I understand if you don’t want it-” he went back to being awkward.

“Oh my gosh! Matching hoodies!! This is such a cute idea I’m mad I didn’t come up with it first” Jaemin exclaimed, picking one of the hoodies from Mark’s shopping bag and tugging it on so quickly Mark had no time to blush. “Hurry and put yours on, I just had a great idea”

Jaemin waited impatiently as Mark paid for his new green hoodie, immediately dragging him out to a store they had walked past before. Der Friseur literally translated to ‘the hairdresser’s’ and was the main point of Jaemin’s “great idea”.

“Uhh what are we doing here Jaem?” Mark asked, feeling baffled.

“We’re going to dye your hair” Jaemin announced proudly. “Don’t worry, you get to choose the colour”

“No way” Mark refused, stubbornly backing away from the shop. “I thought you said I could do what I liked” He added, feeling a little betrayed.

“I did but this is a sign of the change you’re making” Jaemin tried to coax the older. “It’s a memory and you still get to choose the new colour”

"You know you really have a way with words" Mark thought aloud.

Jaemin shrugged "I'm a business major after all"

Mark blinked in surprise, it was unexpected after all. The younger definitely had a lot more layers to him that Mark was intent to keep unraveling. "I thought you'd be a photography or modelling major"

Shrugging once more with a slight smile, Jaemin tried again to convince the older. "So can we get your hair dyed?"

Mark contemplated for a while before choosing his response. “I’ll only dye my hair on the condition that you dye yours too” He smirked.

Jaemin’s face fell, replaced with an expression of unfairness and horror. “But Mark you know how lovely my black hair is… and I only just went back to my natural hair. Do you want me to go bald?”

“A deal’s a deal” Mark shrugged. “You’re also going through a change right? Memories right? It takes two, Na Jaemin”

“Fine” Jaemin sulked, stomping into the store.

-

SOCMED POST

-

Somehow evening quickly encroached on Jaemin and Mark as they enjoyed exploring the nooks and crannies of Berlin, making mental notes to visit certain areas. Along with the darkness of dusk came the familiar feeling of hunger. Like an oasis in the middle of a sweltering desert was a street food vendor selling warm and enticing pretzels. It took one look at each other for the duo to telepathically communicate.

A few minutes later and they were snacking on their tasty pretzels and ice cream, satisfied as they ate in a comfortable silence. The silence was suddenly punctuated by Mark’s laughter and at that moment, Jaemin decided he quite liked the older’s laughter; it was infectious and imbued with happy vibes. So Jaemin laughed too and suddenly they were in hysterics.

“Why… are we... laughing?” Jaemin wheezed, doubled over clutching his stomach which ached with laughter.

“It’s because… I just thought about… how we’re licking ice cream on a cold day” Mark gasped as he cracked up again.

Jaemin was perplexed at what was so funny about the situation, but he still sort of understood where Mark was coming from. The main thing though, was how effortlessly pretty Mark looked when he giggled with that childlike innocence- so… so carefree.

“Wow laughter really looks pretty on you” he found himself blurting out. It was enough to sober Mark up right away, his facial complexion transitioning into a worrying shade of red for the nth time that day. They finished the rest of their food in silence.

“Let’s go make our last stop at Brandenburg Gate” Jaemin suggested. “I heard it’s a must see and it looks amazing at night”

 

The tourist attraction was truly a sight to behold, the columns standing majestically looking similar to the parthenon in Athens. Mark and Jaemin were left in awe of the historical landmark, silently springing into uninterrupted picture taking. The classic architecture of the gate bitterly reminded Jaemin once more of his ex-boyfriend.

Nana! One day I’m gonna build a monument and dedicate it to you

Willing himself to slip out of his painful memories, Jaemin focused on the statue sitting atop the gate.

“That’s the goddess of victory” Mark cut into his thoughts, following the gaze of the younger. “This gate is surprisingly meaningful. It’s the site of wars and strife yet it symbolises unity and peace.”

“That means that we who are going through our own difficulties will eventually find inner peace” Jaemin closed his eyes, breathing in.

Mark who was now staring at Jaemin in admiration, joined the latter in closing his eyes. “That’s really deep. Tell me more” he breathed in too, inhaling the frosty yet soothing air.

“During the day, this gate looks pretty imposing but kinda ordinary? But at night it shines so brightly. It’s just like the moon. If you think about it, it means that we keep working hard, striving for our dreams and happiness but sometimes it feels like we aren’t making much progress. But at the end of the day it’ll pay off, and we’ll shine brightly”

I don’t know what you went through but you already shine brightly Jaemin, is what Mark desperately wanted to say but his throat felt clogged up. When he finally opened his eyes, the younger wasn’t beside him any longer but dancing to the tune of a street player’s saxophone a few feet away. Some onlookers gathered and cheered him on as he danced, they were smiling, the busker was smiling and most importantly, Jaemin was smiling.

The lights from the monument and the street lamps illuminated Jaemin; he shimmered like a full moon, drawing everyone around him towards him. In that moment he was so devastatingly beautiful that Mark silently lifted his camera and did the world a favour by capturing the scene.

First hangout day

There’s no one more beautiful than him.

Exhaustion only caught up with the duo by the time the uber parked outside the residence provided by the programme. It was very dark yet the light from the streetlamps kept the street awash with illumination.

Being the gentleman he was, Mark got out of the taxi with Jaemin, escorting the latter to his doorstep whilst pretending Jaemin’s housemates weren’t spying on them through the first floor window. “Jaem…” he started as the younger was about to unlock his door, waiting for his full attention before continuing. “I just wanted to say thanks for this amazing day… this is the most fun I’ve had in a long long time and I also feel like my mojo is really coming back. I took some really satisfying photos. Honestly I wish we could do this again…” He trailed off shyly.

“Of course we’re doing this everyday Markie, We’re definitely going to fix your artists block so we need to go out and have fun and take photos” Jaemin grinned, unaware of how fast he was making Mark’s heart beat. “I heard Victory Column has a great view of the city but it’s quite a climb! Also I got this for you…” He became shy too as he reached into one of his shopping bags, handing the older a baby tiger plushie.

Mark’s eyes widened as he accepted the gift. “This is adorable, thanks so much but when did you even have the time to get it?”

“You went to the toilet and I saw it in a shop window and thought it looked like you. I got myself a matching bunny one” Jaemin explained as Mark smiled widely like a fool. “You got us the hoodies and paid for our food and the taxi, it’s the least I could do-” But Mark just ruffled his hair, finally succumbing to his desire.

“Goodnight Jaem, sleep tight and see you tomorrow” He waved goodbye to the younger before stepping back into the taxi, leaving Jaemin standing at the doorstep with his shopping bags on the ground, his eyes wide open and his face the most crimson it had ever been.

 

SOCMED POST

Notes:

does this count as markmin fluff? :3
were you able to see the posts?

what are we thinking?
drop a cc?

i think there's about ten chapters left btw ^^

Chapter 9

Notes:

we're now officially halfway through the story hehe
thanks for all the love up till now @.@

also dreamie 00' line vlive !!!
best. day. of. the. year.
i think they're hinting at a cb and i'm living for it

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

SOCMED POST:

Mark Lee

mark you didn’t tell me that you were at the same programme as me!!

tbf you didn’t tell me what programmed you were at

but i told you that i was at a programme in germany

you didn’t read it

sorry

you know how i am with these things

i know

but you’re going to need to fix that

otherwise how will you take care of your bf

and speaking of your bf

hold on ten’s texting me

Chuu

jiwoo!!!!!!

dont tell mark about jaemin

whatever you do don’t tell either of them that you know the other

wow you caught me just in time

how did you know??

i had a hunch

anyway, why?

let the story unravel itself

it’ll be more interesting

besides i think it’s better this way for them to develop

whatever you say sensei

woah that rhymed

oh honey...

With how swiftly a month went past, mixed feelings of sadness and joy emanated into the air. The atmosphere at the Vogue studio was filled with the dread of parting as the students began to pack their things to return to their respective schools. On the other hand, SMU was buzzing with anticipation for the return of the popular college heartthrob.

As opposed to his first month in the European country, Jaemin had spent his last month leisurely and to his pleasure. He no longer had to pay attention to his diet nor was he obliged to work out. His days consisted of chilling behind the cameras with Mark while learning from Shotaro, exploring Berlin with Mark…

Come to think of it, all Jaemin’s days were now occupied with Mark. The two had gotten to know much more about each other; it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to claim that it was difficult to remember a time when they hadn’t known each other.

Anyway it was the last day for most of the students on set (some were staying for extended internships or other programmes). Absolutely no one was in the mood for any serious work.

“The director says you can do as you like for today” Gayoung had informed them, the smile from the first day still on her face. “Have fun!”

And they had fun.

It barely took a minute for the models to round on the currently blue-haired boy who was chatting obliviously with Mark.

Jaemin’s eyes widened in shock when he was suddenly accosted by Jun and Mingi; he was quickly dragged across the studio to the makeup stands where Doyeon and Yoojung waited eagerly.

“Uh what’s going on??” He asked in slight alarm as he felt hands going through his fluffy hair. His attempts to look around failing as one of the girls kept him locked in place.

“Relax Jaem, you’re in good hands” A voice, Yoojung’s, giggled. Jaemin figured he had no choice, so he tried to relax and let them do as they pleased, wondering why his last day couldn’t go as peacefully as he had planned.

“Okay we’re done!” Yoojung yelled, signalling to Minghao and Erika to wheel the blue haired boy in front of the camera.

“I think we need a prop, like fruit or something” Minghao suggested.

“He likes peaches” Mark spoke up, sparking a temporary feeling of betrayal in Jaemin.

“Now Jaemin you need to pose” Jun instructed as Shotaro fiddled with the camera in front of him.

“You know, if you wanted to take a photo of me you could’ve just asked” Jaemin chuckled as he got comfortable in front of the lens.

“Yeah but where’s the fun in that?” Mingi replied to the assent from the other models.

“Fair enough”

SOCMED POST:

Olympians w/o Jaeminie

Johnny added Ten
Yangyang added Hendery
Jungwoo

who dares trespass the sacred gc of olympus

Johnny

ten didn’t want to repeat himself

so he’s saying it here

Ten

Jaem comes back tmrw

yk what that means?

Jaehyun

a welcome party ofc

a huge one

Jungwoo

we’ll make it open for all

Jeonghan

so many ppl miss him ngl

Ten

we need a venue, food and drinks, invitations, publicity, decorations, a photo booth, a theme and dress code, music

Yangyang

this isn’t a wedding 😭

Jungwoo

🤡

Hendery

👁👄👁

Ten

sorry

got too excited and accidentally copy pasted my plans for his wedding

Johnny

what?

Ten

what?

anyway

we just need venue, drinks, decorations, music and publicity

Jungwoo

we can do it here

no one would want to pass on an opportunity to enter olympus

and I’m sure Taeyong and yuta hyung will let us get drinks from their club

Jeonghan

how we gonna transport them tho?

Sehun

we can use my truck

Minhyuk

I have a DJ friend that can handle the music

Yangyang

I can contact Jaem's friend Ryujin from the radio

Jaehyun

I’ll inform the business department

Ten

great I’ll borrow supplies from the art dept

thanks guys

Yangyang

jaem will rly appreciate it

Jungwoo

come on now

he’s one of us

Jaehyun

do u think he’ll cry?

happy tears I mean

Hendery

no one thought you meant anything else 🤡

Jeonghan

well he better not

we need him in a stable state of mind

so he can spill the tea on this guy of his

Ten

ooh 👀

Johnny

give him a break

he would've just got back

Rays of sunlight brightened the pale blue sky and the clouds were fluffy and white. It was a good day and nothing could dampen the high spirits of Ten, Hendery, Yangyang and Johnny.

The quarter were headed for the well-loved cafe, Taeil’s Tasty Treats to invite Jaemin’s coworkers, Kun, Chenle and Jisung, to the welcome party at the Olympus frat.

The popular cafe wasn’t as busy as it usually was, and to the group’s delight, their usual table was free! Without hesitating, they stormed straight for it, breathing a sigh of relief as they sank into their seats.

“Damn it’s been a while” Hendery exhaled.

“Yeah” Ten concurred. “Anyway where’s Kun? I didn’t see him when we burst in”

“He’s probably in the kitchen behind the counter” Johnny suggested. “It’s not like it’s busy here or anything”

“Still it’s odd that there’s no one behind the counter” Yangyang spoke up. “Taeil doesn’t like it when it’s left unattended” he added with a frown.

“Oh look, someone’s coming” Hendery pointed out as the boys turned to look towards the counter. Immediately they saw who was on duty, all four of their faces soured.

Renjun’s eyes widened slightly once he recognised Ten and Yangyang from that fateful night before they returned to their normal size. Mouth settling into a smirk, he walked towards the quartet.

“What’s wrong? Did your famous best friend ditch you for his new fancy model friends?” He laughed.

“Shouldn’t you worry more about your bf ditching you for our famous bestie?” Hendery countered.

And if they saw Renjun’s face fall for a second, they pretended they didn’t.

“We better not even smell you or your cheating boyfriend or your gormless friends anywhere near the party” Ten warned the younger, no trace of amusement in his tone or expression.

“But hyung I thought the party was open for all?” Chenle, a first year, had just stepped into the cafe for his shift. He had evidently heard the information from ryura.

“Yes Chenle but the party is open to all people” Ten sighed. “You get me?”

“Look Renjun, don’t you have work to be doing? Or are you gonna cheat your way out of that too?” Yangyang, who was silent, finally lashed out. There was a slight gasp before Johnny intervened.

“Guys stop it. Chenle please go with Renjun and pass on our invitation to Kun and Jisung whenever he gets here okay?”

Chenle nodded slightly mystified, before escorting the older Chinese boy into the room behind the counter.

The oldest of the quartet waited a beat before scolding the group. “You guys were rude”

“Really? Great because that was my intention” Ten sassed.

“It’s not great. You guys shouldn’t stoop to the level of those people by turning into bullies. You guys ganged up on him” Johnny continued.

“I’ve never ever said I was a good person before. I won’t be nice to someone that hurt my best friend” Hendery spat ruthlessly.

Hendery wasn’t the only person that was mad: Yangyang hadn’t said a word; his hands were curled into fists as he stared outside the window while Ten was positively shaking like he was about to erupt.

“Johnny Johnny ever the voice of reason” Ten started dangerously. “You weren’t there. You weren’t there in the room at that club. I myself was only in there for a few minutes but the air in there felt like knives were being thrown. It was piercing. Imagine how Jaemin felt, he was in there longer” Ten was speaking quietly yet it felt like he was roaring. He even had Yangyang’s full attention. “That thing (he indicated to the room which Renjun walked into) and that cheating bastard and their scum friends were ganging up on Jaemin. Jaemin was lying in a corner because he got punched. They ganged up on him when he was most vulnerable, when he had caught the one he loved the most cheating with that thing in there. And guess what?” Ten paused, they were hanging on his every word. “They made him the villain and yelled at him and pointed at him while he lay in that corner, taking it all. Where was poor little Renjunnie? He was protected as the small little ‘victim’ he is. He gets away with anything because he’s small and cute while I do something and I get treated like an irritable wasp. Don’t you dare protect him”

There was silence for about two minutes as they marinated in Ten’s words. It was the first time Johnny and Hendery were hearing the full details of the incident. Ten had simply said that Jeno had been caught cheating with Renjun while Jaemin and Yangyang refused to give any more input, choosing to forget the incident entirely.

“I understand why you’re mad Ten, but ganging up on someone is doing the exact same thing and it doesn’t make it any better. If you wanna deal with someone, don’t be crude but move on and let karma do its job. It’ll all be worth it when you’re happy and the other person is full of regret. And since when did you become insecure about your size? Big or small you’re the perfect size for me” Johnny concluded, smiling softly at his now blushing boyfriend.

The air was now filled with gagging noises as Yangyang and Hendery cringed at Johnny’s genuine but cheesy line.

“I’m sorry but Yangyang and I have an appointment with the arcade. We gotta go” Hendery hurriedly excused himself and Yangyang from the affectionate scene.

Once the duo had departed from the cafe, Ten beaned up at his tall boyfriend. “Tell me more about how perfect I am”

“Babe I could write a whole thesis”

“Hmm… too long. How about you show me” Ten smirked evilly, his long eyelashes fluttering.

“I guess we better get out of here then” Johnny replied with a matching smirk.

 

For Mark, the past month had been the best in years. He’d fully gotten his mojo back thanks to Jaemin, and this development had led him to go on to take many more iconic photos for the magazine. Newspapers wrote about him again and again but he wasn’t as anxious this time around. It wasn’t enough to get him back on social media, but he could check out the news now.

 

From: [email protected]

Subject: Snapshoot Programme 20XX

To: [email protected]

Attached: snapshootparticipants.doc (9 KB)

Dear Mark Lee,
We are pleased to see the excellent progress you’ve been making in evolving your photography ability.

As such, we would like to further aid and monitor your growth by extending a formal invitation to our biennial one month programme for young, gifted and talented photographers.

The information is provided in the attachment above. For more details please contact our help desk at 017-534347334 or visit our website at www.goingsvt.org/snapshoot

Please confirm your spot and we’ll look forward to seeing you soon!!

Yours sincerely,
Joshua Hong
Managing Director
Going Seventeen Corporation

 

From: [email protected]

Subject: Snapshoot Programme 20XX

To: [email protected]

Attached: snapshootprogramme.doc (9 KB)

Dear Na Jaemin,
We just wanted to let you know that your efforts in the photography world have not gone unnoticed. You were shortlisted for our programme!

However, we do not have a sufficient portfolio on your work and as such, we are waiting to see more of your capability. We urge you to do as you are now, so we can guarantee you a spot in the next programme in two years.

Information about our biennial programme is provided in the attachment above. For more details please contact our help desk at 017-534347334 or visit our website at www.goingsvt.org/snapshoot

We’ll keep monitoring your progress from the sidelines and we can’t wait to see your growth. Keep on shining.

Yours sincerely,
Joshua Hong
Managing Director
Going Seventeen Corporation

Back in Germany, evening had fallen leaving everyone to go out into the vibrant night for the last time. The day had rounded up with the promised barbecue at Sicheng’s mansion before everyone departed for the night in high spirits.

“So what’s the plan for our last night Markie?” Jaemin asked as they were greeted with the cold air outside Sicheng’s not-so-humble abode.

“Your research didn’t give you any ideas for today?” Mark playfully teased the younger.

“Well I thought you could choose since it’s the last night and I’ve been choosing everyday” Jaemin muttered. Mark could sense the change in the younger’s mood but didn’t say anything. He was waiting for Jaemin to tell him himself.

“It’s a Monday so it’s a must to visit Berlin’s gay beach!” Mark cheered, hoping to make the younger smile.

It worked.

“What’s so special about the beach on a Monday?” Jaemin giggled at Mark’s excitement. The latter wanted to pull the blue-haired into a tight hug because he looked. So. Cute!!!

“A special party night with discounted food and drinks and the best part?? No heteros allowed” Mark explained, his mouth pulled into a wide grin as he grabbed Jaemin’s hand. They were used to it now but it didn’t stop their hearts from tingling a bit.

The beach was brilliant from the start. Upon their arrival at the entrance, the ticket-guy let them in free for being a couple (in the face of free tickets, neither bothered to correct the guy) and they were immediately offered complimentary drinks which got them slightly buzzed.

Any shame discarded by the buzz in their veins, Mark and Jaemin actively participated in the games that were hosted before the latter dragged Mark towards a group of people playing beach volleyball.

Jaemin absolutely killed it while Mark… absolutely sucked ass. But the most important thing was that they had fun. Three sets later and Mark felt exhausted, finding a seat on the cool sand as he resorted to taking pictures of the blue-haired boy who continued his match with the other beach-goers.

Now that he was left to his own devices, Mark thought a lot about how empty his life felt when he hadn’t met Jaemin. In just a month, the latter had given him a motivation that would never run dry. He’d been happy. Really happy. Which is why he didn’t know how to feel now that they were about to part. Mark knew himself and he knew himself well. In fact he took pride in his great sense of self-awareness. Mark knew he was bad at communicating with others. Somehow, Jaemin had breezed past that and had gotten close to him. However, Mark had a very bad habit of not keeping in touch over long distance. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Ten or Jiwoo; he just found it hard to text or call. He didn’t know if Jaemin would be as persistent as his friends in maintaining contact and he knew it wasn’t fair to ask that of the younger.

“What’re you thinking about?” Jaemin’s arrival to his side interrupted his train of thoughts. “You’re lame by the way, leaving me to play with strangers by myself” he teased lightly.

“You’re lame too” Mark countered playfully. “You just wanted me to continue embarrassing myself in front of everyone”

“No it was cute” Jaemin replied simply. “And you still haven’t answered my question” he was now sitting on the sand beside the older.

What do I say, Mark thought to himself. That I’m really sad that we’re parting and I’m even more fucking scared that we’ll never see or talk to each other again because I’m an idiot with a chronic communication problem?

“You can take your time Markie” Jaemin muttered softly, leaning his head onto Mark’s shoulder.

“I’m staying behind” Mark blurted out. “I got an offer for this one month programme and I’m really gonna miss you. Really really miss you” he swallowed deeply.

And Jaemin’s laughter sounded like music to his ears. “Congrats Markie!! I’ll miss you too so make sure you keep in contact” he patted the older on the back. “You deserve to keep moving up in your career so stop being sad and smile you dolt. Actually I got an email from the same place encouraging me to do better so I can join the programme later” Jaemin smiled sheepishly.

“Thanks Jaem… for everything. I couldn’t have done it without you. I don’t know where I’d be without you. I’ll admit I’m an idiot so please… no matter what… please don’t forget about me” Mark’s words bore so many meanings that the younger obviously wouldn’t get but Jaemin simply nodded with that angelic smile.

“Of course I won’t forget you” Jaemin said. “How could I forget the best photographer in the world?” He giggled.

And Mark was overcome with emotions that overflowed the constraints he set for himself such that he found himself leaning in towards the younger.

Instinctively, Jaemin’s eyes fluttered shut as the older wrapped him in a hug. Jaemin’s body filled with warmth and another familiar feeling that he hasn’t experienced in a while. But why did he also sort of wish for something more?

“Shotaro wouldn’t be happy with what his mentee just said” Mark laughed softly into Jaemin’s neck, causing the latter’s hairs to raise slightly.

“I’m sure he’d understand” Jaemin replied blissfully.

And as they remained in each other’s warm embrace with the moonlit waves of the sea before them and the background sounds of the people partying behind them, Mark realised that it was neither jealousy nor admiration he felt for the younger,

But love.

And of course, as Jaemin lay in bed that night, his thoughts pondered on whether he’d heard what Mark had incoherently mumbled into his neck as they slow danced to Troye Sivan on the beach.

“I think I like you”

No. He definitely didn’t hear right.

 

The following morning, Jaemin dropped by the studio to say his last goodbye. He’d already said his goodbye to Mark who left that night.

“Jaeminnn I’ll miss you so much”
“Jaem we didn’t spend that much time together but I realised that you’re the light of my life”
“Na Jaemin make sure you keep in touch”

Jaemin could barely focus on one person at a time as his friends surrounded him and with their own words of goodbye. He couldn't help but marvel at how he’d managed to meet a group of amazing people all at once. He knew he’d definitely miss them. The studio had given him so many happy memories.

Sharon walked up to him then, her mascara rimmed eyes were glossy with tears and while he softened at the sight of the older woman, he couldn’t help but note that her mascara was waterproof. You’d never catch Sharon slipping.

“Jaemie dear, we have something for you” her voice shook with emotion.

All at once, the blue-haired beauty was presented with a gorgeous bouquet of pink roses and Asian lilies that Sharon had been hiding behind her back, a cute little graduation certificate from Gayoung and a trophy for winning their hearts from Doyeon and Mingi. Apparently the models had gotten it last night after Sicheng’s barbecue.

At that point, Jaemin couldn’t hold it in anymore, what did I do to receive this much love? And he tore up, glass-like tears dripping down his cheeks.

Automatically the people around him began to coo.

“It’s so unfair, how do you look that pretty even when you cry” Mingi groaned.

“It looks like a picture of you right now deserves to go in the Louvre” Erika chipped in.

Feeling embarrassed, Jaemin wiped away his tears before speaking. “But why? I barely spoke in the group chat, I didn’t really get to go out with you guys either”

Yoojung smiled at his confusion. “You were with us when we needed someone the most. I was struggling with self confidence and you motivated and encouraged me”

“I just couldn’t get anything right and you helped me feel comfortable in front of the camera” Doyeon chipped in.

“You gave me advice and listened to me when I felt my views weren’t being heard” Jun added.

“You covered for me and looked after me when I got injured” Mingi rounded up. “You don’t realise it but you helped each and everyone of us Jaeminie. You’re like an angel that came down from heaven, touching each of our lives. You deserve all of the love in the world”

“You guys…” but Jaemin couldn’t complete his sentence before he was overcome by his tears again.

“Are you crying already?” A voice spoke out in disappointment. “But I haven’t given you my gift yet”. It was the top model and the cousin of Jaemin’s best friend, Dong Sicheng. He casually strode towards Jaemin with his attractive long legs.

“Here, I think you’ll like it”

It was a camera, a very very expensive top class camera. A camera Jaemin wouldn’t even dream of getting until he was rich and successful. It wasn’t even an ordinary camera. It was engraved with his name.

“A little something to remember us by” Sicheng fidgeted slightly, a little nervous about Jaemin’s reaction to the present. Was it too much? Or was it not enough? Maybe he doesn’t like this brand-

The taller’s thoughts were interrupted by a sudden force. The younger has jumped into his arms. After a second, Sicheng reciprocated as he hugged Jaemin back.

“Awww group hug!” Minghao yelled before all the models, and then Shotaro and the camera crew joined the hug.

Once they had taken a photo before finally pulling away from Jaemin, Shotaro told the younger to make sure to keep in contact with his mentor (“make sure you update me with your progress and questions every week!”) before dropping him off at the airport where Jaemin’s journey had begun.

Suddenly missing Jiwoo who had left a day before, Jaemin took the time he had at the boarding gate to upload the group photo onto his social media. With a sigh, he slipped his phone back into the pocket of his favourite mint green hoodie, knowing that this was only the beginning.

SOCMED POST:

Notes:

thoughts?
or as usual, drop a cc?

sorry if there were more typos than usual @.@
i literally wrote this chapter with one eye shut because i've got an annoying migraine that refuses to leave ¬.¬

if you didn't understand or have no recollection of ten's description of the incident, i'd recommend reading part 1 but prepare for angst and loads of it !! it'll also give further insight on the characters and you'd probably understand their actions and thoughts here much better
if you can't read angst or are just here for the markmin then read on
(i say read on as if i uploaded the next chapter yet ;-;)

Chapter 10

Notes:

note that ''Othrys" is jeno's frat!

hiii ~
i'm so sorry it took me this long to update @.@
so far i've been having online lessons but we just started physically going to school and
1) i live far away
2) i have exams
thank you for all the support in my ccs, it's really heartwarming (>~<)/

also i'm really really happy i got offered a place at med school!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Hanguge osin geoseul hwanyeonghabnida

Disembarking from the aeroplane that returned him to his home nation - his country that he hadn’t been in for two months - Na Jaemin was immediately greeted by the warm night of Seoul. The humidity of the air around him in contrast to the frosty winds of Germany which his body had gotten accustomed to, caused the young blue-haired man to perspire. Luckily he had brought a handkerchief in advance.

Murmuring a slight thank you to the staff that greeted the arrivals, Jaemin followed the airport signs that directed him towards the baggage claim area where he needed to collect one suitcase (which was evidently larger than the one he left the country with). I’m so tired, he thought to himself. The long flight had done more than fill his muscles with fatigue, hours spent stationary in an economy class seat with nothing but uninteresting movies to flick through. Not even halfway through the flight and the young man had given up and gone to sleep, hoping that the air hostess would wake him up with the arrival of food.

Collecting his box and going through customs was a brief and simple affair and before he knew it, he was walking into the arrivals section, eyes roaming around for one of his friends who would come and pick him up.
Johnny wasn’t particularly difficult to identify; his tall stature and casual posture setting him apart from everyone else in the room.

Suddenly feeling more energised at the sight of his precious friend, Jaemin sped up his pace, rushing to embrace Johnny. Expecting a hug, it gave the younger a pleasant surprise to feel his feet lift off the ground. Johnny spun him around gently before dropping him back onto his feet.

“Welcome back Jaeminnie!!” The tall man greeted jovially, his mouth drawn into a wide grin which Jaemin had really missed.

“You don’t know how much I missed you Johnny hyung!” Jaemin smiled genuinely. His heart felt like it had been freed, maybe from the moment he stepped into Korea knowing he was going to reunite with his friends. To Jaemin, more than his parents, his little tight knit group of friends were his home. They were his anchor. Sometimes it scared the blue haired boy how much he had come to rely on them. Although it was minimising day by day, he couldn’t help the tiny feeling deep down that they may leave him one day. Like Jeno did.

Discarding the negative thoughts, Jaemin grabbed his suitcase to follow Johnny to wherever he parked his vehicle. But Johnny stopped the younger, taking the suitcase away from him.

“We missed you even more, so so much” Johnny explained, leading the way to the parking lot with Jaemin’s box in tow. “I think if you stayed away a little longer the guys would’ve fully lost their shit”

“It must’ve been a lot to handle, what with us being the only normal people in the group” Jaemin chortled as he slicked his bangs back. It was too hot, way too hot. He could almost cringe at how everything seemed to stick. His clothes to his skin and his bangs to his forehead.

“What do you mean Jaem? You’re just as crazy as the rest of them” The older snorted. “The only difference is that you know when to switch off”

Me???” Jaemin scoffed in indignation. “There’s no way you can compare me to Yangyang, Hendery or even Ten hyung”

“I’m sure the others would agree”Johnny laughed at the expression on Jaemin’s face. They had now gotten to the car so the older was fitting the large box into the boot.

“I would argue with you hyung” Jaemin stifled a yawn as he got into the passenger seat. “But I’m really tired”

“But you just sat down for a few hours, why would you be tired?” Johnny started, but the look the younger immediately sent him was enough incentive for him to shut up and drive.

The trip home was relatively uneventful with Johnny and Jaemin bopping their heads lightly to the beat of a familiar pop song on the radio. The air conditioner cooled the beads of sweat that had been forming along Jaemin’s brow and he turned to look outside his window in satisfaction. The sign boards standing at attention at the sides of the road, indicating locations with Korean names… Billboards advertising beauty products with the face of a female actress from that one drama… the 7/11s that stood out with their windows displaying stacks of beverages and little plastic tables littered in front…

Without a doubt, Jaemin was home.

 

Quite frankly, he didn’t want to get up.

Upon arrival at the dark dorm room which had been uninhabited for two months now, Jaemin (well Johnny actually), had dumped the heavy suitcase on the floor and subsequently sprawled onto his beloved four poster bed.

“Come on Jaem, we need to go over to Olympus” Johnny nudged the younger patiently. “Don’t you want to see the squad? It would be a shame if you didn’t”

“Why couldn’t they come over here?” He whined, kicking his feet like a child.

“The frat missed you too”

I doubt it, Jaemin thought. Whenever he was there he only ever spent his time in either of Johnny or Yangyang’s rooms. He figured that the fact he didn’t live there with the other members helped to cement the sort of wall he felt between him and the others. It wasn’t so much that they didn’t get along but more like he know how to get close with the hyungs. He didn’t think he was worth missing, at the very least.

Waves of fatigue rolled across the blue-haired boy, cajoling him to go to bed that minute. But thanks to his self-discipline, Jaemin got up to take a much needed shower - not forgetting to send a quick text to Mark.

Markie

I'm home :)

 

Reverberating in the air was the bass-boosted music being spun by Minhyuk’s DJ friend. The atmosphere was charged with excitement, anticipation and electricity - as if something big was about to happen. Johnny and Jaemin hadn’t even pulled up to the Olympus frat house yet, but the latter could perceive the tension and the faint vibrations of echoing beats.

“Is there a party nearby?” Jaemin asked in curiosity. He was familiar with college bashes as he’d been to quite a few with Jeno and his frat, but none as loud had ever been thrown in the section of campus where the Olympus frat was situated. The only big parties in the neighbourhood were the ones thrown by the influential frat itself.

“Yeah something like that” Johnny replied vaguely with a noncommittal grunt. Flashing his indicator, he deftly turned into the familiar street leading to the house. It was satisfying really, how smoothly the older manoeuvred the vehicle with a flick of his wrist and casual spins of the steering wheel; for a while Jaemin watched entranced such that he failed to realise they had pulled up into the house’s parkway - and the the lights that were constantly on were now switched off.

“Oh we’re here already!” Jaemin smiled goofily at his absent-mindedness, the action of Johnny unlocking his seatbelt jerking him out of his trance and back into present reality. “Wait what happened to the lights? Did Jungwoo hyung finally realise how massive a sum they added to the electricity bills?” He laughed.

“Something like that” but Johnny was smiling at the younger’s charming obliviousness, following silently behind Jaemin as the latter let himself into the building.

Magical. Enchanting. Spellbinding.

Stepping into the stygian front room was almost like casting a charm as instantly the lights switched on, illuminating the room and the people inside. One millisecond later and the air became saturated with cheers as friends, acquaintances and strangers alike began to congratulate the blue-haired boy. The cream walls were festooned with banners reading ‘Welcome home Jaeminnie’ and balloons in virtually every colour available. Jeonghan stood in a corner pulling streamers with a huge smile plastered across his face as he regarded Jaemin with affection. Barrelling through the throng of partying students who ensnared the younger (who still stood unmoving in shock) in words of goodwill, a young man pounced on him lovingly.

“Jaemin!!!”

It was enough to trigger Jaemin back into response. The sudden welcome party had shocked him (pleasantly) and the sheer number of people that had gathered to celebrate his return left him overwhelmed but also quite emotional. It meant he was at least worth something to more people than his best friends. Knowing it was his best friends that had most likely organised the event filled Jaemin’s robust heart with impossibly more love and appreciation for them. The cherry on top was Yangyang leaping into his arms..

“Yangie!!!” he yelled in response and a beat later (to his future embarrassment) his eyes started to leak tears. Of course he had missed his friends but it hadn’t occurred to him until now how much he’d felt lonely without them even if he had made valuable friendships in Germany.

“Oh now come on, I know we’re amazing but don't start crying” Ten rolled his eyes playfully but his grin gave away his own happiness at the younger’s return.

“Ignore Ten, he missed you so much that he even started planning your wedding” Hendery spilled with glee, patting Jaemin’s back enthusiastically to express his own joy.

“I guess the gang is back” Yangyang whispered as the group hugged the crying boy. The gang truly was back, and Jaemin truly was home.

-

“Hi Jaemin!” A relatively tall girl with dark hair greeted amiably, walking up to him. “I just wanted to welcome you back, the whole campus missed you a lot”

“Thank you… but I think you may be exaggerating a bit” Jaemin chuckled slightly. He actually had wondered though, about why so many people had come, but he figured it was because it was an Olympus party. He barely knew people - other than in the business department and the clubs he helped out.

“No I don’t believe I am” the girl shook her head with a knowing smile. “I’m Kim Sujin by the way” she added, extending her hand for Jaemin to shake.

“Sujin-ah that’s unfair! You’re meeting him without me” another tall girl with long caramel hair came running up to them. They were in one of the balconies adjoined a room upstairs where his friends were in. Jaemin had left the room to get some fresh air. Despite his happiness, he couldn’t help but succumb to his jet lag.

“Jaemin, this is my friend Seo Minhee” Sujin gestured towards the girl with caramel hair who was looking at him with wide brown eyes.

“Hi, Minhee” Jaemin greeted politely as he leaned on the railing, relishing the breeze that carded through his blue locks.

“Hi! I’ve been wanting to meet you for a long time now!! Can we take a picture?” Minhee gushed, digging her hands in her clutch bag for her phone. “Sorry if I’m being weird, I’m just rather eccentric

“No you’re not. You’re just stupid” Sujin gave her friend a dirty look before turning to face Jaemin with a smile that was now beginning to freak him out a little. “Now about that picture…”

Smiling wanly at the camera, he took a few selfies with the girls, mentally calculating his escape. Sujin and Minhee weren’t too bad… they were just a bit too much and the blue-haired boy would much rather lay his head in Ten’s lap as the older stroked his head, lulling him to sleep.

“By the way Jaemin, have you met Jeno yet?” Minhee asked a little too enthusiastically.

Subtly inhaling, Jaemin tried to push down the flicker of disappointment that appeared when he felt that dull, receding throb beneath his chest. Months had gone past with Jaemin accumulating enough happy moments to get past the pain of his heartbreak, but the bruises still remained - like a hateful reminder of the annoying effect his ex still had on him.

“No” he replied firmly. It was almost funny how no one mentioned Jeno much around him back when they were actually dating.

“He’s here you know! At this party!! I saw him but he’s sooo difficult to approach…” Minhee babbled animatedly.

“Minhee gosh will you shut up, why are you trying to set him up with Jeno so bad? You know he and Renjun have a thing” Sujin rebuked her loquacious friend.

“Oh yeahhh, now that I think about it they’re really adorable… probably a better couple than nomin would be but my nominist heart is very stubborn”

Nomin?” Jaemin voiced his confusion aloud.

“Oh dear you really don’t see what happens on social media” Sujin giggled.

By now Jaemin really wanted to get away; the balcony overlooking the entrance to the frat house was evidently far more stifling than the rooms stuffed with students inside.

As if sensing his discomfort, just then Jeonghan called out to him from inside “Jaem come and play with us! Can you help us get the drinks?”

SOCMED POST:

Rejoicing internally that he finally had a reason to mutter his ‘it was nice to meet you’s as he walked off the balcony. Going back inside, music seemed to ricochet off the walls as the DJ was apparently keen to keep the whole campus awake. Yet somehow, even amongst the entropy of sound, Jaemin was able to hear the soft voice of a familiar person who leaned against the wall.

“Liar” Renjun called him before slipping away into the mass of bodies and red solo cups so quickly Jaemin almost thought he imagined it. But Jaemin wasn’t drunk, wasn’t tipsy, wasn’t even buzzed. And Jaemin definitely didn’t imagine it. The blood circulating in his veins had run ice cold. Am I afraid of Renjun?

Jaemin’s skin prickled with apprehension as he knew that person was here. The person he hadn’t seen in many months now. It made Jaemin hate himself, the way he let a cheater continue to have a negative hold on him. Why should I care? Why do I have to be affected?

Jaemin was convinced he no longer had feelings for his ex. But they had been together since childhood, they understood each other (or at least they used to), sticking together for them was a habit - almost like breathing. So Jaemin couldn’t help but feel like a part of him had been ripped out when he split with Jeno. Maybe it was because he’d spent more time developing his relationship with Jeno rather than finding more about himself. Maybe he was just shallow with no depth to his personality at all. Or maybe he was just a masochist.

But he wasn’t a masochist. He hated the pain. He hated the shadows that lurked in his heart. He hated the insecurity that at some point all his friends would leave him. He hated the fact that he thought he wasn’t worth it. He hated Jeno.

Giving out high fives with his easy bright smile, Jaemin navigated his way through the dancing students in the living room downstairs on his way to the kitchen. He hated how natural it was for him to give a fake smile. He hated that just the sight of Renjun was enough to make him feel like he was regressing.

Everyone was having so much fun, so why do I feel like an outcast at my own party? Jaemin sighed as he realised he was having one of his emotional breakdowns right in the middle of a social event. He always had his episodes in the middle of the night in his dorm room. Rarely did he ever have them when he slept over with Johnny or Yangyang. He never had them at all while he was in Germany. I miss Mark. Mark was even worse at social gatherings than he was. Mark and his adorably awkward self.

Taking in his surroundings, the blue-haired boy noticed the crowd around the centre table. The glass table was littered with half full cans of beer, crushed solo cups, some cigarette butts and cards. An unopened can of coke sat elegantly amidst the mess, the glistening container showing off how chilled it was. A familiar glint of a ring on the toned fingers of the person now opening it. The veiny hands now lifting the can up towards his lips. The bobbing of his Adam’s apple as he downed the soda in one...two...three...four seconds. The sigh of relief that escaped his thin lips as he dropped the can back onto the table. The face that he had once adored-

(You’re an adonis, a Greek god!!)

-the low rumbling tone of his voice as he spoke to his friends. The man he hasn’t seen in almost half a year. The man who broke his heart. Lee Jeno.

What was he doing here???

“Hey Jen you’d be even sexier if you could down your beer as quickly as you do your cola” Lucas smirked at his frat brother.

“He’s sexy enough already” Renjun piped up from his seat on Jeno’s lap. The smaller was casually tapping away on his phone, unbothered as usual.

“Yeah he can like… totally do like a… Coca Cola ad or something” an unfamiliar girl was saying, obviously looking to impress.

Upon the sight of his ex-boyfriend and his frat brothers, Jaemin was immediately reminded of the last time they were all in a room together. They were fine and unaffected to the point it was so unfair. He was always the one who was wronged, who was the outsider looking in, like he had a problem and everyone wanted to keep him at arm’s length.

No. I’m not weak. I’m just jet lagged. They have no power over me.

But Jaemin failed to realise that there was nothing wrong with accepting that he could be weak sometimes. Perhaps if he did, he could’ve avoided unnecessary pain.

With a tiny scoff, the blue-haired boy marched into the kitchen with renewed strength. To his surprise, the room was empty despite the fridge being stocked to the brim with drinks.

“It’s because there’s a van with drinks out by the pool. It’s easier for people to get drinks from there than to shuttle between the pool and the kitchen. Plus inside would get really wet” a voice explained the answer to Jaemin’s thoughts.

“Why are you here Jeno?” Jaemin asked bluntly, not even looking at the boy as he piled a tray with drinks to bring upstairs. “You know what? Never mind. Don’t answer. I don’t even want to know”. And with that, the blue-haired boy stood up to leave.

“Jaemin wait” Jeno put his hand on the younger’s shoulder. “I-”

“Save it Jeno” Jaemin spat, shrugging the former’s hand off. “I’m really really tired”.

But apparently Jeno couldn’t understand the concept of ‘leave me alone’ as he tried again, holding Jaemin’s arm. The younger didn’t even need to shrug him off a second time as it took a heartbeat for Jeno to drop his arm like he was burnt immediately Renjun burst into the kitchen.

“I thought so” Jaemin uttered before stepping out of the kitchen, not even bothering to mask the bitterness in his tone and words.

 

The kitchen was silent for a few seconds as Renjun stared at his lover and his lover stared at his hand. Stomaching the ugly feelings rising in his chest, the smaller boy claimed himself down as he looked for the right words.

Renjun recognised the feeling of attachment. Usually he wouldn’t let his relationships get past this stage; he always broke it off before it could ever turn into anything more. He wasn’t like that loser Jaemin anyway. He wasn’t into investing so much into something that could easily break based on the flow of human emotions. And Na Jaemin is meant to be the business major.

Renjun shouldn’t feel jealous whenever Jeno looked at someone else. He shouldn’t be insecure when Jeno wasn’t thinking about him, he shouldn’t want to throw up at the prospect of Jeno hanging out with someone that wasn’t him for anything longer than an hour.

Renjun needed to break up with Jeno.

“Jeno”

Renjun pretended he didn’t feel a rush of satisfaction at how quickly he garnered the taller’s attention.

“What’s wrong Jen?”

Jeno looked at Renjun’s feet. “I don’t know, I’m confused. Jaemin confuses me. My feelings are a mess. I’m a mess right?”

Jeno looked so precious in that moment that Renjun simply didn’t want to let anyone else have him. I want to be the only one to see him like this.

“Listen Jen. Relax. You don’t have any significant feelings for Jaemin, it’s just guilt. Fuck feelings. So loosen up, don’t be regretful and forget about him completely. He was in the wrong; he was controlling and possessive and you had no choice.” Renjun was hugging Jeno tightly now.

I think” Renjun breathed, “you need some real booze… not that sugary soda shit. You’d look really sexy too downing it in one shot…

Oh yeah? What booze would you recommend?” Jeno replied, a slight smirk tugging on his lips.

I heard… that I can be really alcoholic...I can make a guy drunk in an instant with my ki-” Renjun couldn’t complete his sentence as Jeno’s wolfish instincts took over, capturing the smaller’s lips with his own. Eyes lidded with lust, Renjun kissed back just as voraciously. He wanted to completely wipe out any thoughts of all the people that turned Jeno’s head. He wanted to erase Jeno’s complicated feelings for Jaemin. He wanted to sear an indelible image of himself in Jeno’s mind. Their tongues fought for dominance as Jeno deepened the kiss, almost inhaling Renjun’s entire being. Jeno worshipped Renjun’s sweet sweet lips, he adored the taste of his tongue, exploring the cavern of the smaller’s mouth as if he was searching for something inside. Their hands gripped each other tightly like they were afraid to let each other go.

From the entrance to the kitchen, Donghyuck was greeted with the visual of his friends making out right in front of the fridge. Sadly, he also heard part of their conversation. My friends are idiots, he sighed before traipsing away from the scene.

 

Donghyuck waited for his friend and roommate to come out towards the pool before grabbing his hand and pulling him away to a secluded corner, away from the prying eyes of the gossips lurking by the poolside who waited for the slightest chance to make a hit tweet or some fodder for the college tea page.

“What is it Hyuck?” Renjun asked in confusion, frowning slightly at the younger’s antics. “Jeno must be looking for me”

“Junnie you’ve gotten attached” Donghyuck stated with a sigh as he pinched his nose bridge.

“I have not” Renjun stated just as firmly, though they both knew he was in denial. “I know when to stop. I have boundaries I set for myself”

“You’re in denial Renjun. Stop lying to yourself or you’ll get even more hurt later on. Please stop doing this to yourself and admit it. Admit that you actually like Jeno” Donghyuck pressed further.

He had known Renjun from day one at SMU as they were introduced as roommates in the college dorms. Renjun then had been rather quiet and sort of unstable and vulnerable. He cried a lot, and got angry a lot, but Hyuck had always been through it all with him. He knew that although neither of them liked it, Renjun always fared better with direct confrontation.

Donghyuck had made the initial mistake of tiptoeing around the older for fear of upsetting someone who was already upset. He thought he was being considerate by not stating the obvious and just choosing to support his friend no matter what wrong decision he made. This caused him to go along with Renjun’s stupid idea of relationships with no attachment. This was also how he introduced Renjun to his friend and architecture classmate Lee Jeno.

Of course by now Donghyuck had changed his approach, but he feared the damage had already been done. He’d hoped that Jeno would be the one to help Renjun change his viewpoint. He never knew that Jeno hadn’t ended things with Jaemin until the latter turned up asking about the “project” Jeno seemed to be working on. That was when Donghyuck realised that Jeno and Renjun’s relationship was messy and less than respectable. He’d wanted to tell Jaemin of course, but he didn’t know him too well and he looked really stressed at the time. Moreover, it was up to Jeno to come clean.

To Donghyuck, his friends weren’t bad, but their actions were. His hope was to help them change for the better.

“Hyuck I’ve told you I’m not attached. I know what I’m doing. Please leave me alone sheesh” Renjun snapped before stalking off. He immediately felt bad because he knew deep down that Donghyuck was the one who cared about him the most and kept his best interests at heart. I’m not attached. I’m not attached. I’m not attached. I just want my life right now to continue as it is. I want Na Jaemin to disappear.

 

Yangyang had just gone to say hi to some friends by the poolside, exchanging a couple of fist bumps with some bros and stopping for some tiny banter with other students. He was a people person for sure, and if he hadn’t realised it yet, he certainly did now as he recognised roughly 80% of the students in attendance.

Of course that meant he also happened to bump into another familiar person. A person he hadn’t expected to be here tonight despite it being an ‘open-for-all’ party.

“Lee Jeno what are you playing at? Why are you here?” He berated the guy who was currently digging through a wine cooler.

“And who the fuck are you?” Jeno snapped in response, still searching for a particular drink. He was quite drunk and with his less than perfect vision, he simply wasn’t in the mood for cheeky banter with some random guy.

“Look dude I don’t know what you’re up to but stay far away from Jaemin. How do you even have the guts to show up here after that shit you pulled?” Yangyang had half the mind to throw the taller guy in the pool, but he didn’t want to make a scene that would stress Jaemin out. He also didn’t know if Jeno could swim and being a murderer wasn’t something he wanted written on his resume.

If Jeno wasn’t pissed before, he was certainly aggravated now. Finally turning to look up at the person ruining his day, he quickly recognised the guy that came into the room that day in Sun and Moon to pick him up from the floor. The same guy who helped Jaemin move out of their shared apartment into god knows where. He felt an intense hatred for the guy already.

“Listen here you cheerio looking bastard. Mind your own fucking business. Stop intruding on whatever’s going on between me and Jaemin. If you like that guy don’t come for me but hit on him instead. Though I guess the reason you’d come for me instead is because you know your position in the friend zone is permanent” Jeno guffawed.

Moments before Yangyang was about to throw a punch, he felt his arm being steadied by someone strong yet calming. Johnny hyung.

“Johnny please can we kick this douche and his friends out. Tell me we can because I’m not tolerating this shit. I’m sure Ten hyung and Hendery will agree” Yangyang was fuming.

“Calm down Yangie. Think about it, Olympus and Othrys are friends. Kicking them out without a proper explanation would cause a scene. How do you think Jaem will take it? I also don’t think he wants people prying into his private life and offering their opinions on his past relationship with Jeno” Johnny advised as he steered the younger away from Jeno.

Deep inside, Yangyang knew Johnny was right but the injustice of the issue was difficult for him to reconcile. Didn’t it mean that Jeno would basically get away with treating Jaemin like a rag?

“Jaem has probably seen him already hyung” he suddenly thought in alarm. “We need to see if he’s okay, you know he doesn’t like to worry others so he won’t tell us himself”

“Yangie, relax. In your current state you’ll stress him out more. I’ll look for him and take him to my room to sleep. Ten’s already resting there” Johnny soothed the younger’s nerves. Yangyang didn’t know what they’d do without Johnny in their friend group. They’d probably all go insane at some point and internally combust.

“Hyung… you’re so wise” Yangyang burst out, marvelling at his friend.

“Haha and you’re so silly and worrisome, but you’re really caring. See you later Yangyang and remember to relax” Johnny said with a smile, saluting as he left to look for Jaemin.

Just as Yangyang decided to go look for Hendery, a guy similar in height with tan skin and wavy honey-coloured hair approached him, giving him a pat on the back.

“You’re a really good friend Yangyang” the guy said with his eyes shining brightly and a sweet timbre to his voice. “Don’t be perturbed by that asshole and let’s do our best to make everyone happy because that’s what makes us happy right?”

Yangyang couldn’t help but smile at this stranger. He figured he didn’t want them to be just strangers anymore. “Do you wanna play video games upstairs?”

“Lead the way” he laughed, and Yangyang was pretty sure his mouth would split open from how much he was smiling.

 

Crazy sexy cool

I met a cute guy

he’s v v cute

Jaem

aww yangie

Ten

who is he??

idk his name… (>﹏<)

Jaem

fighting!! (ง •̀_•́)ง

 

A week had gone by with no message from Mark. Jaemin was beginning to feel a bit stupid, leaving a list of messages which weren’t even being read. Initially he thought maybe had the wrong number but it couldn’t be the case. Mark had texted him before in Germany to be sure he got Jaemin’s number right.

Mark was probably too busy with the programme to pay attention to his phone. Surely he wouldn’t be completely occupied seven days of the week? Jaemin didn’t know but Mark’s behaviour seemed to follow a similar pattern, giving the younger a horrible sense of dejavu.

“It feels like I imagined it all you know? Like the only reason I believe we even hung out is my Instagram posts” Jaemin said to Yangyang. Like any typical day, the blue-haired boy was in Olympus, lounging in his best friend’s room to kill time in between lectures. Usually he’d be pretty occupied with his part time work at Taeil’s Tasty Treats as well as volunteering with clubs, but everyone wanted to give him time to settle in properly from his trip.

He was low-key dreading going back to the cafe though because of a certain new coworker… Jaemin figured everything would be okay if he could manage not to turn into an emotional train wreck every time he saw Renjun.

“It was probably just a sort of… platonic? fling” Jaemin continued, feeling a little pathetic. “Maybe us having fun together was one-sided and I’m the only one making a fuss about it”. The blue-haired boy couldn’t help but feel complicated about how it was always him with the short end of the stick, always him getting affected. “I don’t even know what our relationship is but I thought we were at least friends”

“Give it a little more than a week” Ten piped up from where he lay sprawled on Yangyang’s bed. “He might have his reasons for not being able to contact you”

.

.

.

But a week and a half brought nothing to his messages but the harsh reminder that Mark simply didn’t care enough for him to bother to keep in contact. Jaemin wasn’t surprised though, no one other than his bestie squad were ever interested enough. They enjoyed his company temporarily while he was their best option until something or someone new came. Though Jaemin wasn’t surprised, he was still disappointed; the month spent exploring Berlin evidently meant nothing.

“Sooo did you hear anything?” Ten asked the blue-haired boy. They were in Ten’s art classroom doing their requirements.

Laughing at the question, Jaemin spoke up “nope nothing. Don’t worry though, I only need you guys my friends anyway” but Jaemin knew he felt somewhat insecure, like there was something about him that was unappealing to everyone.

Ten’s face instantly hardened as he wore his tough expression. Mark Lee is a goddamn idiot, he grimaced.

“Hahaha Ten hyung you look even more upset and frustrated that I am” Jaemin chuckled light-heartedly.

“Don’t worry about that douchebag Jaeminnie. He’s not worth it. Focus on your club instead” Yangyang advised his best friend from the bottom of his heart.

“Uhh yeahh, about that… the club president was delayed by a month so I still have to wait till he comes back.

“Why is Jaem surrounded by douches???” Hendery erupted. “Say the word Jaeminnie and I’ll match over to Jiwoo so she can sign you up immediately. What other approval does she even need? Didn’t she see your spectacular feats in Germany? I don’t get why you have to wait around for a slacker president”

“It’s okay Dery, I just need to wait a month. I’ll be okay” Jaemin said, trying to calm his best friend down.

 

Shotaro hyung

Yh Mark’s always been bad at text messages but he usually responds to emails!

This is his email address

[email protected]

Thanks hyung ^o^

 

Jaemin did have a shred of pride in himself; he didn’t want to look so clingy and feel as pathetic as he did in the past. He decided to send one last email to Mark before deciding to give up. They had only known each other for a month and although Jaemin really missed the older’s company, he wasn’t interested in trying too hard to maintain a relationship where the other wasn’t reciprocated. It really took a toll on his self esteem. He didn’t blame Mark though, neither did he dislike him now. Mark was probably too busy.

From: [email protected]

Subject: Dear Mark

To: [email protected]

Dear Mark,

Sorry for bothering you with my texts even though you’re busy.

 

Back in Germany, Mark sat in front of his MacBook reading and rereading Jaemin’s email while drumming his fingers nervously on his desk.

Jaemin wasn’t a bother in the slightest and he felt bad for making the younger feel that way. Mark hadn’t opened up any of his messages because he knew Jaemin would see it and expect a reply. But Mark didn’t know how to reply!

The days following Jaemin’s departure made Mark feel nostalgic every time he walked around the city of Berlin. Each time he picked out a new spot of interest, his first thought was to plan a day out with the blue-haired beauty. In short, he missed Jaemin. Just as much as Jaemin missed him. No offence to Shotaro, but it just wasn’t the same without the only person he actually enjoyed talking to about literally anything.

Mark really wanted to reply to the text messages but he was afraid he’d mess up and type something stupid or awkward which would ruin whatever his relationship with Jaemin was. By the time he received the email, Mark knew he’d messed up. Jaemin was obviously giving up on him. He definitely needed to respond to the email.

His reply remained in his drafts and were edited everyday but it still didn’t feel or sound right. The brunette wanted to pull out his hair in frustration. Why am I even clumsier with typed out words than words spoken in real life? He groaned, rubbing his eyes.

Days spent agonising over his reply dragged into a week as he procrastinated. The idea that his reply was already a week overdue stressed him out a little. How would he explain to Jaemin why he was sending his response so late?

Weeks dragged into a month and before he knew it, Mark was dragging himself onto the next plane back to Korea with the younger’s email not replied to and the text messages not opened and read.

Notes:

um... there were some deep bits...
and more povs than usual...
i hope it wasn't confusing @.@

anyway thoughts?
or drop a cc?

Chapter 11

Notes:

i'm sorry it took me so long to update!!
if you visit my cc you'd probably already know this but i had an exam yesterday @.@

thank you for all the ccs and comments btw!! i have so much fun replying and it helps me de-stress as well as think more deeply abt the characters in this fic

anw here's the chapter

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“Oh my god” the brunette groaned as he felt his skin cooking up like those bungeoppang in the humid air outside the airport. For a country he hadn’t stepped foot in for practically a year, nothing much had changed. Mark wondered whether he had changed much.

Of course he had. He’d overcome his creative block and the industry was obsessed with him. His future was shining brighter than it had ever done before. But as he stood with his single battered suitcase by the roadside waiting companionless for a taxi, he realised he hadn’t really changed much at all.

No one to run up to him and welcome him back, no one picking him up from the airport, no one to visit now that he was back and no one to visit him in excitement for his return. The only thing that lay ahead of him in SMU was the darkroom of the photography club. I’ll probably sign up for another programme and get out of heredifferent or as isolated from the other humans on the planet. Mark had met a guy who also seemingly wasn’t part of this world because he had descended like an angel into his life. It was the beauty who helped Mark with his loss of his artistic touch; it was Jaemin whose presence rejuvenated the genius photographer.

And it was Mark who totally ghosted him after the younger left for Korea. Mark wanted to pull his hair out in frustration. He wasn’t able to fulfill his promise to Jaemin of staying in contact. He didn’t even know where the younger was other than that he resided in Korea.

I’ve probably exhausted my luck in life by meeting him in the first place, Mark thought to himself as he waved down the taxi that was approaching. He didn’t even know what he’d say if he was to ever see Jaemin again. The blue-haired boy would probably forget him anyway.

“I’ll admit I’m an idiot so please… no matter what… please don’t forget about me”

With a heavy sigh, Mark slid into the taxi wishing for once that he was born as someone else. He’d probably meet the Dean the next day, as well as Ten. The latter actually didn’t know Mark was arriving in Korea today as (surprise surprise) Mark hadn’t told anyone.

 

The room was dark with the closed blinds creating an air of sombreness and reticence; it was similar to a dark room but without the reddish hue. The room seemed to reflect Mark’s disposition, bothering him to the extent of brushing the blinds open although the sun was setting outside.

To his pleasant surprise, the dim light revealed how clean the room actually was. No trace of dust even on the blinds! He’d been so sure the place would be a landfill with all the dirt accumulating from his abandoning the room for his soul searching around the world.

Oh yeah. Ten had gotten him a roommate.

With a tired yawn, Mark collapsed onto the bed he hadn’t slept on in a year. It was surprisingly comfortable. Blanking out, he stared at the luxurious bed opposite from his at the other end of the room wondering what kind of person was unlucky enough to be rooming with him. He hadn’t showered and his T-shirt clung to his skin but he was exhausted and lazy and couldn’t be asked to drag himself to the bathroom to freshen up.

“Hey Siri, remind me to take a shower in fifteen minutes”

“Alarm set for 7:21 pm”

Whether the alarm went off or not, Mark wouldn’t know as he fell asleep right after the apple robot uttered its confirmation.

-

Tapping his phone screen revealed that it was 10:04 pm when Jaemin arrived at the door to his room. Unlike his usual routine of getting Johnny to drive him home from their frat, the blue-haired boy had decided to walk instead, finding solace in the way the warm breeze caressed him. These days Jaemin found he had a lot of things on his mind and his episodes of moodiness and despondency had become more frequent so he found himself spending more and more time alone in his dorm room. He knew his friends were worried about him but he’d rather not sink into his feelings of self-doubt in front of them.

The first thing he noticed when he walked into the Tom was the blinds. I’m pretty sure I closed them before I left this morning… am I really getting that bad that I’m even forgetting my daily routine? Jaemin sighed to himself as he made to close them.

By now, Jaemin was very familiar with the interior of the dorm room that he could easily navigate his way to the bathroom in the darkness. So that’s what he did, considering it a pain to have to readjust his eyes to the light.

His shower was quick and thorough and he cleaned his teeth and face even more thoroughly, relishing the feeling of being fresh and smelling good. Looking at his reflection in the mirror above the sink, he offered himself a small smile at his pretty face. His pretty unlovable face. The smile dropped instantly as he let out a sigh and walked out of the bathroom clad in just a towel slung around his hips and another around his neck to catch the droplets from his wet hair.

Now as much as he was familiar with the dorm room, he was still a human who couldn’t see in the unlit room. Switching on the lights to find his pyjamas, a suitcase lying on the floor in the middle of the room immediately grabbed his attention, leading his eyes to a figure lying supine on the bed opposite.

Jaemin’s first instinct was to shout in alarm but he was always quiet whenever he got startled. Factoring in the suitcase and the person in his room, it didn’t take much deduction to figure out that the intruder was in fact his mystery roommate.

Come to think of it, Jaemin had never really wondered about the identity of his roommate, had never asked Ten about what he looked like, or what major he did. He guessed that the guy was obviously trustworthy since he was friends with the very selective Ten. Besides, whoever the roommate was, had been very gracious to Jaemin for helping him out with accommodation after his impromptu decision to move out of his shared apartment with Jeno. Looking back now, it hadn’t been a very wise decision to make without a plan. But yet again it was the best thing to do at that time.

Quietly slipping on his pyjamas, the blue-haired boy couldn’t help but worry about where he’d go to mull over his thoughts now that he no longer had the room to himself. Once he was done, his eyes landed back on the suitcase. Deciding to move it out of the way, Jaemin hesitantly approached the box before lifting and carrying it towards his roommate’s bed.

Suddenly there was a groan followed by a loud thump.

Ouch” Jaemin hissed in pain as he dropped the suitcase on his foot. “christ what did you even put in here” he snapped in irritation as he cradled his throbbing foot.

His roommate stirred in response, turning around half-awake to the ruckus Jaemin was making.

Markie??” The younger’s eyes widened in shock and amazement.

And suddenly Mark was now wide awake, any trace of sleep instantly vanishing as he regarded the blue-haired beauty. His blue-haired beauty. The blue-haired beauty that was evidently holding himself back from uttering a string of curses (whether it was from pain or from the sight of Mark, who knows?)

“Uh… erm...hi?” Mark offered in greeting, going back to feeling awkward because how else was he supposed to feel after ignoring all Jaemin’s messages after their promises back in Germany?

Right, Jaemin remembered. He wasn’t even sure if Mark was as excited to see him as much as he wanted to see the latter. Heck he wasn’t even sure if Mark even wanted to see him at all.

“So you’re my missing roommate” Jaemin smiled weakly, no longer feeling as bubbly as he did seconds ago. “Small world”

“Yeah…” Mark wanted to kick himself when he saw the younger’s shoulders droop. He didn’t need anyone to tell him that his flat responses sounded like he didn’t want to be there. “I’m glad though, I’m glad we met again in this small world” he tried again, wincing at his words.

Clearly Jaemin didn’t seem convinced as he nodded and sat down on his bed. “So how was the programme?”

“It was really engaging and fun - like I really learnt a lot” Mark gushed, feeling relieved that the younger had directed the awkward silence to a topic where they shared common ground. “I’d definitely go again in two years' time, with you this time because you’d love…”
The older fizzled out as Jaemin’s face darkened.

“It sounds like a pipe dream though” the blue-haired boy laughed softly, his expression not matching the tone of his voice. “I’m glad you had fun Mark. It sounds amazing for us to go together next time” Jaemin smiled before muttering something under his breath.

“Y-yeah wait what’s wrong Jaem?” Mark’s eyebrows frowned in concern. “I don’t think I caught what you just said”. The older was sitting up now.

“Nothing to worry about. I think we’re both really tired so let’s go to sleep then?” Jaemin felt bad for not being welcoming enough to the person that had made him so happy in Germany. But he was exhausted and not in the right mental state to pretend he was okay, to pretend that nothing had happened between him and Mark, to pretend that he wasn’t disappointed. “Goodnight Mark”. Jaemin got comfortable in his bed, turning away from the older. I’ll get back to normal in the morning.

“Okay, goodnight Jaem” Mark replied before getting back into bed, feeling troubled. “I guess we can catch up in the morning”. He had clearly heard what the younger had said.

though you probably won’t remember me by then

Mark wanted to kick himself. While worrying about himself as he couldn’t figure out a way to reply to Jaemin’s messages, he hadn’t realised how miserably he has been making the younger feel. What the fuck have I done? I need to explain everything to him tomorrow. How could I ever forget Na Jaemin.

Neither Mark nor Jaemin slept a wink that night.

 

-

 

The light streaming through the dark blinds woke Jaemin up as usual, only this time he didn’t suddenly feel like he was back in Jeno’s room in their (his) former apartment. With a groan he stretched his arms out, sitting up and picking up his phone which sat beside him on a bedside cabinet.

The time flashing obnoxiously on his home screen indicated that the blue-haired boy had only managed to nod off to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, about three hours ago. He also had thirty minutes till his shift at Taeil’s Tasty Treats began and although the day was just starting, Jaemin was exhausted.

Regularly, the business student went to bed early enough so that he wouldn't have to feel so zombified to the extent of getting a coffee from his favourite cafe. He avoided the place now, coming in only for his shifts because he never knew when Renjun wouldn’t be on duty.

And the reason Jaemin hadn’t slept properly?
Oh yeah, he remembered. Mark is here. Wait, Mark is here??

And it all finally began to sink in that the guy who made him forget about his worries and insecurities for a month, and the same guy who subsequently ignored him for another month, was apparently his long lost roommate.

And apparently Ten must’ve known the whole time.

Jaemin turned towards his roommate’s bed to offer a greeting, and maybe come up with a suitable excuse for his chilly welcome the night before.

Mark’s bed looked freshly made; his sheets were tidily spread across the bed with no wrinkles, his comforter was folded neatly on top of the sheets and the tiger plushie relaxed elegantly on a pillow.

Jaemin remembered that comforter. He and Mark had gotten in a trivial mini argument over which was better: a duvet or a comforter.

“Mark you’re in Europe, you should get a duvet because you can get covers with different styles and patterns”

“Comforters also have different styles” Mark argued stubbornly.

“Yeah but each one comes with just one style. If you want a change you’ll need to buy a brand new one. With duvets you can get a new cover for whichever new place you visit; you can opt for a traditional look then switch to modern whenever you please” Jaemin insisted.

“Duvets are a hassle. You’ve always got to change and wash sheets. With a comforter, you can take it anywhere you want and it’ll be just the same”

“Fine, get you want” Jaemin had given up, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

Jaemin chortled at the sudden memory before deflating at the realisation that the older was nowhere to be found in the room. Mark had already left the dorm. I thought he said we’d talk in the morning? He’s probably busy.

With a shallow sigh, he dragged himself to the bathroom for a quick shower because now he had less than twenty minutes to get to work.

 

“Kun ge I’m so sorry I’m late!” Jaemin burst into the familiar cafe, a genuine apology on his lips. He had left his dorm with seven minutes left before his shift when he suddenly remembered his plans to decorate Taeil’s Tasty Treats with cute ornamental flowers.

So who was he to resist when he had just come across a startup florist shop? He had gone in with his easy smile which quickly reassured the anxious shop owner. After greeting kindly, complimenting his beautiful little store and going on to purchase some flowers, the owner had introduced himself as Heeseung, fresh out of university with a degree in IT which he wasn’t interested in.

Heeseung was really lovely and promised the blue-haired boy a discount on flowers anytime he visited the shop again. Subsequently Jaemin walked out of the florists’ with some gorgeous flowers, an improved mood as well as the reminder that he was now undoubtedly late to work.

Kun straightened up from his position at the table he was wiping down with a smile. “It’s okay Jaem, rather welcome back!! We really missed you”

Jaemin felt like he would melt in the warmth of Kun’s gaze. The award for the kindest person on the planet was only deserving of the older man. In fact Jaemin was about to tell him so when he heard a distinct scoff from behind him.

“Are we even surprised? Na Jaemin can do as he likes right? He can blatantly walk in late even though it’s wrong” Renjun spat callously.

Jaemin screwed his eyes shut. This is exactly what he didn’t want to face at work. Let me breathe for a minute at least.

“Can’t you be decent and at least try to make it to work on time? Because of you Kun ge had to stay longer. The world doesn’t revolve around you. I don’t know what you’re thinking just because you had a little success with your flashy model gig. You’re so selfish.”

“That’s not true, I was already planning on staying. Besides, the cafe has been practically empty this morning and Jaem’s only ten minutes later. He’s never been late before whereas everyone else has been late loads of times'' Kun spoke up sharply to the smaller boy.

“Don’t defend him Kun ge, he thinks his popularity gives him the right to not ignore the rules. How could he be late on his first day back after the holiday you gave him? I think he’s taking you for granted. Instead of being ungrateful Jaemin, why don’t you at least give a proper excuse? But you don’t even care right?” Renjun sneered. “Remember your past before all the fame Jaeminnie, you’re not that much”

Jaemin took a big gulp; he felt like he was underwater, he could hear what Renjun was saying but then again he couldn’t because his head felt like it was overflowing with negative emotions and thoughts. Deep down he knew it wasn’t his fault but he couldn’t deny Renjun’s words. He had been late and he had been aware of it. “I- I just stopped to get some-”

“Oh please save it” Renjun sighed as if talking to Jaemin was such a chore. “It’s a bit too late for petty excuses don’t you think? Just get to work quickly, you’re a waste of time”

“Renjun I won’t tolerate that. Your shift is over. If you won’t leave then I’ll happily extend your shift” Kun intervened, his tone serious and sure.

“Okay okay I’m leaving” Renjun raised his hand in goodbye to Kun while giving Jaemin a mock bow. “I humbly apologise if I ruffled your feathers your highness- oh wait that’s not the etiquette for greeting a celebrity right?”

But with Kun advancing towards him to physically usher him out of the cafe, the blonde didn’t stick around to gauge Jaemin’s reaction. But he didn’t need to. Because his words had hit home.

Day already ruined, the blue-haired boy settled to dismally wipe down the surfaces of the now empty cafe. The new flowers adorning the windowsills appeared to scorn him rather than seduce. He had half the mind to throw them away, but Heeseung had put so much effort into them. But they weren’t like the one in the cafe in Germany (whose name he couldn’t remember now). In fact nothing was like time spent in Germany (with Mark) at all.

“Look alive Jaem, it’s honestly no problem at all. Renjun can be grouchy sometimes but he’s really a dear when you get to meet him” Kun patted his back kindly, in an attempt to lift his spirits. Unknowingly and unintentionally, the older man had made it worse.

Renjun is no dear.

The morning at the cafe was pretty uneventful and Jaemin spent most of his time just lounging behind the counter with his phone as he looked for new jobs with suitable working hours. Looks like my time at Taeil’s Tasty Treats may be coming to an end, he thought to himself sadly. But something in him wanted to fight back. Why do I let him walk all over me?

Suddenly Jaemin’s phone vibrated at the arrival of a new notification.

Jiwoo noona

Jaem!!

can u come over to the club asap?

the club president is back

His heart soared with joy.

 

-

 

With a little spring in his footsteps, Jaemin almost bounced along to the nirvana of his dreams: the photography club.

The blue-haired boy was elated. He couldn’t believe that the time had finally come for him to join the prestigious club. Since his return to the university, Jaemin had felt like he’d been taking several steps backward in his progress but the news of the arrival of the president was like a huge leap forward again. Thinking back to the prior events of the day, he realised that his day wasn’t completely ruined. You win some and you lose some.

Seemingly, Jiwoo had been waiting for Jaemin with nearly as much anticipation and excitement as the door to the club building swung open with such force before the blue-haired boy had even gotten to it.

“Jaem hurry up I’ve been waiting for ages” the petite girl fussed, grabbing his arm and proceeding to half drag him across to the smaller darkroom situated adjacent to the main club building.

“I had work-” Jaemin tried to explain but Jiwoo had already swung open the darkroom doors.

“Jiwoo you shouldn’t open the doors like that in a darkroom. You’ll ruin the development process of the film” a very very familiar voice snapped in the dim red tinted light.

Jaemin didn’t need to look at her to know that the older girl was rolling her eyes. “You think I wouldn’t know that, who do you think has been taking care of the club while you were MIA”

“Okay I get it so can you please close the doors now? I’m at a delicate phase”

Obediently closing the doors with an irritated grimace and a quick look towards Jaemin as if to say “don’t mind the old grump”, Jiwoo cleared her throat.

Prez here’s our new super awesome recruit that we’ve been waiting to enroll in our club for ages just because you couldn’t bother to drag your arse back here to at least touch ground for a week… But I digress. This is-”

But the club president had already turned around to look at the intruders.

Mark??

Jaem??

-

 

Mark and Jaemin were sitting on a nearby bench by the club building; Jiwoo had looked at them both before sensing the unresolved tension between them. She very quickly left them to attend to “registering Jaemin officially”, leaving them alone with all the emotional baggage they needed to unpack.

“So… you’re the club president?” Jaemin punctuated the strained silence. It’s almost funny… how everything seems to lead back to you.

Mark rubbed his neck awkwardly “Yeah, I guess we never really talked about things like what we did in uni”

“We never even told each other which uni we went to”

Another silence fell upon them like a blanket, but rather than comforting them, the silence smothered them. Jaemin didn’t really know what else to say, he didn’t even know where they stood, he didn’t know if Mark even wanted to talk to him anymore.

“Look Mark, If you don’t want us to hangout anymore, I’m really okay with it. I can’t leave the club but I promise to stay out of your way” Jaemin muttered quietly, feeling slightly fearful of the older’s response. Mark didn’t seem like he was going to say anything so the younger had no choice but to broach the subject himself.

“No!” Mark exclaimed.

Jaemin felt his heart sink. “No as in you don’t want me to stay in the club at all?”

“No as in- I mean-” Mark paused to regain control of his speech. “Please listen Jaem to everything I have to say”. Mark waited till he saw Jaemin’s nod before continuing. “First of all, I’m really sorry for not contacting you this whole time. It’s not that I hate you, I really really cherish the time we spent together. In fact in that single month, you made me happier than I’ve been in years. You revitalised my artistic spirit, you were a lovely companion. You made me feel like I’m actually living like I’m actually a part of this world. Before you, I felt so detached from everything and everyone else. I felt like an alien that was so different and simply couldn’t belong or establish connections with people. You changes it all in an instant Jaem”

“Th-then why didn’t you text me at all, if- if I meant that much to you? Or is it all past tense?” Jaemin asked hoarsely, brain feeling fuzzy and dazed, heart not daring to accept Mark’s words.

“It’s because I’m an idiot with a communication problem. Do you remember what I told you on our last night together at that beach? It was a selfish request but I asked you not to forget me because I felt like this would happen” Mark looked down at his hands ruefully as he explained.

“What do you mean?” Jaemin turned to the older in concern.

“I have a problem connecting to people and I always feel that I think differently to others. A conversation starts once I reply right? But I never know how to keep a conversation going. I always overthink what might happen if I reply with something off-putting and it really stresses and tires me out. That’s why I didn’t open your messages. I knew that if I did, it would come up as read on your phone and you’d misunderstand me and probably think I’m reading and ignoring your texts”

“But I still misunderstood anyway”

“Yeah that’s why I said, I’m an idiot with a communication problem. I never thought that far, it was never my intention to make you feel insecure. I was just scared my social ineptitude and bad texting would drive you away when our friendship is the relationship I cherish the most. If you check my emails you’ll see all the unsent drafts I made in response. I’m just too much of a coward. Honestly, I’d understand if you stopped hanging out with me after what I just dropped on you. I don't know how Jiwoo and Ten put up with me”

Mark felt nervous, raw, vulnerable and exposed after coming clean about his weakness about how isolated he felt from the rest of the world simply because of the title of “genius” bestowed upon him, as well as how differently he was treated by others due to this fact. He was worried Jaemin would leave him.

“What are you saying, of course I wouldn’t want to stop hanging out with you! If you couldn’t tell, I was practically wilting at the prospect of you cutting me off” Jaemin’s features were once again graced with the bright expressions similar to how he was in Germany. He was still guarded but he was happy. “But Mark you need to talk to me or I won’t know these things. As long as you let them know, your true friends will never leave them because they’d understand if you find it harder to communicate on the phone. Keeping things to yourself can cause misunderstandings. Also you don’t need to think at all when you text me, we talk for hours so texting is the same thing, or we can call if you prefer that” Jaemin gently took Mark’s hand, interlacing their long and slender fingers. “We’ll get through your problem together”

Mark could feel his cheeks heating up; he didn’t deserve Jaemin. The younger made everything so much easier for him. No stress at all, he really was overthinking. “Thanks so much Jaem, but there’s one more thing” and when Jaemin looked at him in curiosity, Mark turned away to hide his flaming cheeks as he coughed “please could you call me Markie again”

 

-

 

Whatever awkward tension Jaemin and Mark had between them quickly fizzled out after Mark’s first week at SMU. It was to be expected really, considering they literally lived with each other and so spent every waking and sleeping moment together. It also helped that they regularly went to the photography club together.

Another month rolled past and Yangyang was still feeling surly at the decrease in time he got to spend with his best friend due to Mark’s presence but Hendery had eased up on his initial anger towards the “douchebag club president”. The point was that Mark had quickly become a constant in the life of the blue-haired boy.

Jaemin had gotten used to the atmosphere at work (after deciding not to quit after all). In fact, Renjun hadn’t directly attacked him since his first day, not that Jaemin even gave the smaller boy the chance to. Jaemin was always on time to work and he made sure to always keep himself busy during his shifts to avoid Renjun as much as possible.

Happier. He was much happier now that Mark was there by his side. Despite their closeness however, Mark hadn’t really improved his communication although it was barely noticeable as they spent most of their time physically together.

“Hey Jaem can we stop nearby and get a coffee? I really need that buzz” Mark asked one morning. They’d both overslept; Mark had spent more time copying out semesters of notes than asleep and Jaemin had an essay which he worked on overnight.

Wouldn’t it be bad workmanship if he didn’t immediately invite Mark over to Taeil’s Tasty Treats? So the two boys found themselves heading to the cafe, feeling more like zombies than actual living breathing humans. The sun hung brightly overhead, illuminating the sky and everything seemed to just shine.

“We may feel like shit but the weather is nice so let’s be happy” Mark chirped, tone way too jolly for their current mental exhaustion.

“You know what Markie? You say the most random stuff but it always seems to make sense” Jaemin chortled from beside him.

“Maybe you should listen to me more then” the older smirked, taking Jaemin’s hand into his own. The latter pretended he didn’t feel his heart do a thing.

“I always listen to you, even if I don’t reply” Jaemin mumbled, his pink lips forming a cute little pout out of habit.

Mark giggled and ruffled his soft blue locks in undisguised affection. “I know you do Jaem” he said, slinging his arm around the younger’s shoulders.

“Mark I’m tired please don’t cling unto me” Jaemin complained, although they both knew he didn’t really mind it. He liked skinship after all.

“I’ll be your strength”

And it was with the sunbeams in their hearts and the fuzzy clouds in their eyes and their arms around each other that they walked into the warm ambient cafe.

“This cafe gives me similar vibes to the one in Germany” Mark marvelled, his eyes widening in approval. “and the flowers are beautiful”.

Jaemin flushed with pride “I decorated it!”

With a little snort of laughter at the younger’s cuteness, Mark looked around for a free table. “Seriously though, it looks and smells amazing in here” he continued as they clambered into their seats.

“Yeah… it’s usually my favourite place on campus” Jaemin shared with a bittersweet smile.

Mark’s eyebrow raised in slight confusion at Jaemin’s words. What did he mean by “usually”? But he decided not to press on, figuring that Jaemin would tell him if he wanted to. Instead he said “I’m gonna order for both of us, I’m pretty sure I know what you’d like”

The blue-haired boy grinned in a way that Mark felt his heart stop. He was so beautiful, his innate radiance emanating from him wherever he went. “So is this like a test then?”

“It could be if you want” Mark shrugged playfully, “But only if I get a reward”

“Sure. If you get me the right coffee, I’ll give you a special limited-edition Nana coupon. You can ask me to do anything you want but you can only use the coupon once” Jaemin grinned excitedly.

Wrinkling his nose in distaste, Mark complained “isn’t that useless though?”.

“Hey!” Jaemin cried in indignation, his signature pout resurfacing on his face. “Just go get me my coffee”

Thus, raising his hands in surrender, Mark made his way to the counter at the front of the cafe feeling determined to win. Not so much because of the useless coupon, but more for the satisfaction of knowing Jaemin to that extent, and proving his interest in the younger.

Ringing the tinkly little antique bell on the counter, Mark glanced thoughtfully at the menu up in front of him before making his order. At the sound of the bell, a young man came out from the room behind the counter, tying his apron (which satisfyingly matched the cafe’s interior) behind his small back.

 

Waiting patiently at the cozy little table for two, Jaemin didn’t think that Mark would get his order right. He never really discussed his preferences and although he did feel close to the older, he couldn’t recall a particular moment where they’d actually sat down and talked about their likes and dislikes. They usually just went with the flow.

But the flow scared Jaemin now; he was afraid of the unknown. They spent the majority of their time in the company of each other in the photography club room and the younger worried that it was that common subject of interest that bound them together. He thought that maybe Mark hung out with him just because he likes photography.

Either way, whether Mark knew his order or not, it shouldn’t take that long to order two coffees. Mark had been gone for quite a bit now. Maybe he went to pee, I wouldn’t put it past him. But five minutes had gone by again and this time the blue-haired boy craned his neck towards the counter where he could still see the brunette… engaged in an animated conversation… with Renjun.

He knows he shouldn’t care. They’re just talking after all. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But, he can’t help it. He can’t help the vile and insecure and slimy dark shadow crawling up his throat, choking him. Something stirs in him when he sees Renjun with another of the people he cares about. Jaemin is tired again.

 

“Alright, enjoy your coffee Mark… I made it extra hot” Renjun smiled coyly at his taller customer. He loved his work apron; he loved how it hugged his figure and how electrifying it was when it was ripped off him, when Jeno ripped it off him. He leaned in with what Donghyuck called his “man-fishing pose”, feeling extremely grateful to fate for letting him decide to wear his sexy shirt to work that day.

“I bet I will, thanks Junnie” Mark grinned back, happily grabbing the two coffees.

“I hope I’ll see you around” Renjun winked cutely, not-so-casually adjusting his apron.

“I hope so too, take care of yourself okay?” Mark ruffled his hair before turning back to where Jaemin was waiting.

 

“Sorry I took so long” Mark apologised abashedly as he approached the younger. Jaemin quickly replaced his bitter expression with his default smile, hoping that the brunette wouldn't notice his change in mood. He probably wouldn’t notice either way.

“It’s okay” the blue-haired boy smiled softly, as he accepted his drink with a “thanks” in gratitude.

“So…?” Mark asked expectantly after Jaemin had taken a few sips of his coffee. He himself hadn’t even tried his own yet just because he wanted to find out whether he’d gotten Jaemin’s drink correct or not.

“I guess you get the coupon then”

And Mark’s quiet dorky cheers in celebration were enough to temporarily distract him from his resurfacing insecurities. Emphasis on “temporarily” because it was all he could think of when he dragged himself to the library under the pretence of searching for an old book just to get away from Mark’s presence and from the probing questions from his friends at the frat.

Being with Mark these days felt like he could feel each wound on his heart was healing. So why do now feel like the plasters are coming off?

In a sudden wave of emotions, Jaemin whipped out his phone and texted Ten, his message almost like a cry for help as this time he didn’t hide his raw feelings (despite the brevity of his message):

Ten hyung

hyung

i think i like mark

but i don’t think he likes me back

SOCMED POST:

Marker Lee

Mark

remember what i said about you fixing your communication problem

we need a solution stat or you’re gonna end up hurting jaemin

you’re gonna regret it all later if you don’t fix it

you know i’m trying

i don’t mean to be insensitive but try harder? Idk but it’ll soon be too late

ten you’re really being insensitive rn

i’m actually quite frustrated

i feel like no one’s on my side

you don’t understand me

mark ofc i’m on your side for goodness sake

why do u think I’m stressing for you to fix your issue???

i'm sorry that i'm not handling this right, i'm just panicking

I’m also on jaem’s side

I won’t let him get hurt again

you don’t know what it was like

he’s literally haunted

i know you can help him

i’d kill for u but istg if you break him then we’re over

what did i even do???

i know you deleted social media, but wtf goes on with u and renjun???

he really hurts jaem

i can only imagine how jaem must be feeling now

renjun is my ex, my first bf

we were over years ago and we haven’t seen since then

you guys didn’t look like you were over in the photos…

how can anyone assume that??

he was flirting with me yes, but we’re not like that!

i can assure he doesn’t like me either

fuck social media

fuck feelings

you don’t mean that

(plus those should be jaemin’s lines anyway)

🧍♂️

I think you should talk to jaemin

really talk to him before it’s too late

i know you like him

Jiwoo

Mark!!

wtf is going on??

you better fix this asap

fuck is jm okay

i’m glad to see you don’t give a single fuck about me

pls i’m tired and i don’t feel like texting right now

Notes:

*chaos ensues*
as usual i'd love to hear (or read?) your thoughts in the comments
or in a cc

everything was proceeding smoothly and now it's all going to pieces (i'm sorry? not really)
the characters had a false sense of security, it was only a matter of time...

for the next chapter, expect an explosion
i hope you enjoyed this one (>~<)

Chapter 12

Notes:

hhh well this update came much faster than i expected, even if it's been five days... ;-;
sorry for the wait

anw this chapter has implied references to an anxiety attack so this is a little warning
i'll put a tw when it comes up
also Taeil's Tasty Treats is sometimes referred to as TTT
also there's so much social media in here i apologise in advance @.@

also an anon (🐧) came up with the cute idea to come up with an emoji for your ccs to identify you!!
you don't have to do it but i think it's easier to do instead of writing "diff anon" each time you drop a cc

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Relief flooded through Mark’s veins. A week had gone past without a change in Jaemin’s demeanour. Contrary to the way his friends had painted the situation he’d unknowingly gotten embroiled in, the younger boy seemed absolutely fine. Not hurt, not broken, not beaten, but ”just peachy” as Jaemin always replied in response to Mark’s “are you okay?”

Aware of the gap in his knowledge of the history between Jaemin and Renjun thanks to Ten’s alarming texts, Mark was left with a lot of questions and no one to ask. Normally Ten would be his go-to but Mark currently only spoke to Jaemin; he was still hurt by the older’s insensitivity towards him.

Ten and Jiwoo were the only friends that appeared to understand him and they stuck with him through his dark period. Even when he wouldn’t text them in months they would maintain contact. It was because of them that he felt like he wouldn’t be completely alone. However he wasn’t so sure now that they’d simultaneously triggered his anxieties over texting.

After his heated reply to Jiwoo’s text, he’d promptly locked himself up in the photography club’s darkroom. He didn’t want to face Jaemin at their dorm because if his closest friends that knew him since first year were so against him, how would the younger who’d only known him for three months react?

Besides, according to Ten, Jaemin was hurt and it was all his fault and Mark didn’t want to see the blue-haired boy all crumpled and sad all because of him. He didn’t even know what he’d done! One minute he’d successfully gotten the right drink for the guy he liked and the next moment he was getting threatened by his best friends. Apparently the whole campus now knew of his past with Renjun when it shouldn’t even be a big deal. Why does this always happen to me? No matter how far he’d run away from social media, it always caught up with him. And whenever it did, he always lost someone or something dear to him.

After winning a national competition that had all of Korea talking, Mark had lost his parents. Not to death, but to pride and arrogance and expectations and greed. He became their golden goose, their trophy son, their magic lamp. He only escaped once he got into university.

Upon entering SMU, he gained instant recognition which led him to lose the prospect of making true genuine friends. Surrounded by people who only associated with him for his status and harboured only shallow feelings of friendship, the young photographer quickly became disillusioned. He didn’t willingly pull himself away from others, it was the others that disconnected him.

Beginning his third year at the prestigious university, Mark was now very private, and very much away from any semblance to social media. Yet the news of his slump still managed to hit the tabloids, and boom. He even lost his cherished photography.

Here he was now, barely back and somehow his past was being aired out on Facebook and Twitter for all to see, for all to judge. His past had been a happy one compared to his present but it was now being tainted by the letters people typed away on their phones. The irony? The rumours were spread by his favourite object in the world: a camera.

And now it looked like he was about to lose Jaemin.

The brunette didn’t realise just how long he’d spent crouched by the workbench with his head in his hands until he’d come out of his swirling thoughts enough to hear banging on the locked doors.

 

“I think I like Mark”

It felt weird to admit but immediately he’d texted the words to Ten, he realised they were true. Jaemin liked Mark.

Until now, Jaemin had never imagined feeling anything more than platonic for anyone other than Jeno. However it was glaringly obvious that his heart had opened up once more to a certain dorky brunette. A certain dorky brunette with communication issues that scared Jaemin more than he’d like to admit.

Truthfully, he was terrified. What was he to do with his feelings? He was afraid of getting hurt, he was worried he’d permanently injure his heart, he was apprehensive of giving his heart away again with nothing in return. Jaemin had forgotten what it felt like to be loved.

With mixed feelings, the blue-haired boy parted from Mark outside Taeil’s Tasty Treats for some much needed rest in the solace of his bed. That four-poster bed bore witness to all his tears he’d shed for Jeno and was privy to the inner words of his heart, the words he wasn’t able to say outside, the words he wasn’t able to say to himself.

Like a routine now, Jaemin cried bitterly into the pillows that Ten had so nicely embroidered for him. Once again he was reminded of how much he hated crying; if not for pointing out his weakness, it always left him with a nasty headache. He didn’t even know why he was crying this time, is it because life just is so unfair to me, or is it that I want something but I’m too afraid to reach for it?

Drowning in his thoughts, he vaguely remembered downing some painkillers before feeling his body awash with sleep. But his sleep was disjointed; he felt like he was a sinking ship even in his dreams, it was like he couldn’t escape his pain no matter where or what he did. Today was a particularly bad day. Maybe it was because old feelings of jealousy and insecurity stemmed from seeing Mark together with Renjun had resurfaced. Maybe it was the sense of impending doom, of deja vu. Maybe he could see a flashback of his past with Jeno in that single instance when he waited for Mark to get his coffee. Fuck a bet, I should have gotten my own damn coffee.

Well there went his sleep for the rest of his night, Jaemin had a long list of problems and he wasn’t keen on adding insomnia to that list. Reaching out in the darkness for his phone, he realised he was alone in the room. He’d grown accustomed to the sound of being alone, he identified it easily. Mark wasn’t home and he didn’t like how his heart lurched at the fact. Maybe Mark is avoiding me already, they always do when they meet Renjun. Jaemin knew he was overthinking but that did nothing to offset his negative thoughts all tumultuous in his head.

00:23. Mark never comes back this late. Would it be clingy to check on him? I’d want someone to do the same for me…

 

Markie

Mark?

are you okay?

um where are you

i don’t mean to pry, i just want to make sure you’re safe…

did you get carried away at the club?

i’m coming

The walk to the club down the dimly lit campus streets was oddly calming. Jaemin found solace in the shadows that hid the pain in his heart and the bitterness in his expression. The normally vibrant club area was now lifeless in the obfuscous night, the gregarious flowers populating the garden around the building now engaging in clandestine meetings, the aura and even the way the wind blew radiated isolation and detachment and melancholy. The atmosphere tinged with poignancy wrapped around Jaemin like a blanket which offered no comfort and yet he felt right at home. When had he gotten used to such sadness?

Peeping through the windows of the club, Jaemin switched on his phone’s torch and directed the weak beam of light towards the room’s interior, quickly registering that it was empty. Going round to the darkroom where Mark was often cooped up developing his little images, he could just about make out the hunched figure of the older leaning against a table with his head in his hands. Worry coursed through Jaemin’s head as he struggled to open the doors… which were locked.

tw: implied anxiety attack
Frantically, the blue-haired boy proceeded to bang on the doors to get Mark’s attention. Who knew what the older was doing in there? It looked like Mark was living a nightmare, the dark shadows hovering around his crumpled form were palpable, they taunted him and made him shrink even further into himself: A small ball of despondency.

Despite the racket Jaemin was making, the brunette remained immobile. If his body had sunken into itself, his mind had completely drowned in his pool of negativity - and Jaemin was determined to pull him out of it. Mark had once said that Jaemin was his anchor to the real, living world, and Jaemin was going to live up to those words.

“Mark! Mark! MARK! MARK!! WAKE UP MARKIE”

 

Mind now alert thanks to the continuous thumping at the doors (which should actually be quite scary now that Mark thinks about it), the brunette tapped his phone which lay discarded on the floor beside him.

00:57. I’ve been here for hours now.

 

 

His lock screen was clogged with notifications which he swiped away methodically; Ten? swipe, Jiwoo? swipe, My crush? Wait, Jaem??

Heart descending rapidly, Mark felt like crying. Once again he’d allowed Jaemin to worry about him and he’d left his messages unread. He let out a hollow laugh. Mark had been pulled out of his misery only to fall back into it, it was like he was walking on quicksand.

But he was brought back to focus by the banging, and a faint “Markie”. Markie?? Only one person called him that. Am I that pathetic that I’m imagining his voice right now? He chuckled bitterly. With a dramatic ding, his phone lit up with a buzzing new notification.

 

My Crush

open the doors you idiot

I said I'd come right?

Hurry…

It’s cold :(

Shuffling in miserably, Mark ushered in the blue-haired boy who was clad in his pyjamas and a coat, concern brimming vividly in his eyes. Expecting to be bombarded with questions, the older boy was pleasantly surprised to be met with a comfortable silence as Jaemin sat cross-legged away from him, patiently waiting for him to speak.

“I’m sorry Jaem.” He croaked hoarsely. “I really did just see your message. I’m sorry if I hurt you in any way, I’m sorry I’m always screwing up, I’m sorry that I constantly have to apologise to you, I’m sorry I’m an emotional wreck and that I don’t deserve you” Mark was tearing up now, feeling overcome at 1 am.

“Markie it’s okay, no one’s perfect, that’s why we always strive to improve right? And what’s this ‘I don’t deserve you’ all about?” Jaemin had shifted closer to the brunette, putting his arms around him in comfort. “I’m here for you always, I’ll protect you

Chest heaving with suppressed sobs, Mark leaned into the younger’s touch, finding solace in his peachy scent as for once, he let his emotions flow freely in front of another, and in front of himself.
End of tw

“It’s okay Markie, let it all out” Jaemin soothed, his gentle voice calming the older, navigating the way out of his misery. For once, Mark believed that everything would be alright.

I like you Jaemin

I like you too Mark

 

Serim

hey renjun

When are u finishing things with jeno?

You’re awesome btw

The way u managed to snag him

Anw you’ve dated for a while

And i want my turn

no offence

But you’re not jeno’s type

So i don’t think he’d date u

you’re just attached right? lmaooo

You really ended up falling for the popular footballer haha

I didn’t take you for that type

Sort of basic, but it’s understandable

i’m not attached

He won’t like you fr

And i’m not done so stop asking

Find someone else

don’t get ahead of urself renjun

You’re just a slut who plays with any guy

Don’t start thinking jeno will want someone like you for a long-term relationship

He cheated with you, now he’ll cheat ON you

He’ll definitely want his ex back

He’s already started paying less attention to you right?

Break up with him so i can heal his heart

It’ll be a win win for the both of us

don’t contact me anymore

fucking bitch

You watch and see

You’re not good enough for jeno

You’ll regret this

Don’t come running back to beg

You have blocked this contact
You can no longer receive messages from this contact
learn more


 

Jeno had just gotten off the phone with Renjun. The latter droned on and on about how terrible and entitled his ex was at work. Oddly enough, where Jeno was usually able to hype up his current boyfriend, he just felt drained. Every incident he described concerning Jaemin seemed like blatant lies blown out of proportion, because no matter how he felt about his ex, Jaemin wasn’t like that.

Conflicted.

Jeno felt conflicted.

He wasn’t blind, he wasn’t out of the loop, he had a thriving social life, he even followed the SMU tea page on his private account. Of course he saw updates on his ex-boyfriend, of course he knew about the little thing Jaemin had going on with the photographer twat. When he’d heard about Renjun and Mark’s past, he hadn’t felt much other than hatred towards the brunette. Why, you ask? He simply didn’t see what others saw in Mark.

Or rather, he didn’t see what Jaemin saw in Mark.

Not for the first time, Jeno found his thoughts flitting intermittently to his ex, to their past, to what they had, and to what they could’ve become. Coming back to his apartment after a particularly stressful day, there’d be no Jaemin to welcome him with a soothing smile and comforting arms around his neck. He’d been forced to learn to save and cut back on luxuries as he’d lost Jaemin’s support, the apartment didn’t feel like home without Jaemin, no matter how much he’d tried to change the decor. Even when he made out with Renjun these days, his mind would wander to Jaemin’s commonly chapped lips. In the past, Jeno had always made sure to come back with a sweet-tasting chapstick which he’d end up licking off Jaemin’s lips anyway. Now, Jaemin had someone else to do that for him, Jaemin could be happy without him. Jaemin had left him behind and had shot far out of reach. After all the years they’d been together, Mark had waltzed in and snatched Jaemin just when he was shining. The senior boy hadn’t witnessed Jaemin’s down moments. Mark Lee didn’t deserve Na Jaemin. In short, Jeno had become familiar and well-versed in the feeling of jealousy.

Jeno felt bad. He really did. Renjun always tried his best to fill in the empty spaces created by Jaemin’s absence: He was a little more loving, a little less sassy, he was learning to cook (he was actually pretty good now) to cut down costs from ordering takeout everyday and eating convenience store meals every other day. Renjun had even started working at Taeil’s Tasty Treats to make more money for them while Jeno tutored high school kids to help out as well. Actually, Jeno had asked his boyfriend why he’d chosen to work at the same place as Jaemin; Renjun had replied that his close cousin Kun was a superior there and that Kun had promised him good pay if he worked there. Neither Jeno nor Renjun knew why Kun was so intent on having Renjun at TTT but they were grateful.

ach day that went past caused Jeno’s resolve to crumble just a little bit. The comfortable life he built for himself, the perfect and free life, the life where he didn’t depend on Jaemin or anyone else but where others depended on and looked up to and needed him, was just a sandcastle… blowing away in the wind.

Without realising it, The raven-haired boy found his feet leading him to one of the places on campus he’d least expect himself to visit. He’d actually walked down this street once before in the past. The location stood out with its distinct flowers and idyllic gardens which provided an aesthetic stimulus for the club members. The photography club was arguably the most beautiful spot on campus (it was either the club or the Olympus frat but to Jeno, nothing could compete against mother nature)

“Hi” Jeno greeted, approaching one of the members standing outside the club building. Like most students' reactions to interacting with him, the boy blushed slightly, not meeting his eyes. “I’m looking for Mark Lee”

“Oh our president?” The boy asked interestedly, no longer feeling awkward as the topic turned to photography.

“Is there any other Mark Lee?” Jeno replied with a raised eyebrow (Jaemin had always been jealous about not being able to do that) and a cheeky smile, which - to his satisfaction - flustered the boy.

“O-oh right, no” The boy looked away. “You can always find him in the darkroom, though non-members aren’t allowed in” His tone revealing his disappointment at not being able to help the popular quarterback any further.

“Ah is that so? How exclusive” Jeno chuckled.

“Ah would you like to see Jiwoo instead? She’s our Vice President”

No. Kim Jiwoo is quite terrifying. “Do you mind doing me a favour?” Jeno asked.

“Depends on what it is, but i’ll try”

“Could you help me call him out? I’ll owe you one” Jeno used his charming smile. He hated the niggling feeling at the back of his mind that he was doing an injustice to Renjun. But they had both agreed to date with no attachment, they were both free to do whatever they wanted. Renjun suggested it.

Troubled. Mark felt troubled.

Since his encounter with Lee Jeno earlier that morning, the brunette had been drumming his fingers tremulously on the tables, on the tripod, on the trays filled with photo developing fluid and he’d managed to consequently piss off most of (if not all) the members of his club.

“I want Jaemin back”

Mark had been so flustered by the sudden, unexpected words of the tall, dark, dastardly good-looking guy that he’d gulped twice before spluttering something along the lines of Jaemin not being an object. Before he could give an intellectual response, the guy had already turned on his heels with an air of assertiveness that Mark wished he had.

He wasn’t an idiot (actually he was), it was to be expected that somebody as ethereal as Jaemin would have rows of suitors lined up for him, waiting for the next opportunity to snatch him up. Looking at Jeno’s retreating figure, Mark couldn’t help but compare himself: Someone like Jeno would look good together with the blue-haired boy, he could already see it: SMU twitter finding out that their favourite quarterback was interested in the campus angel, they would quickly want Mark out of the way.

No, Jaemin likes me. Mark was ashamed, he shouldn’t be feeling this insecure about another guy while Jaemin was waiting for him to fix himself up. After confessing his mutual feelings, the younger boy had asked for more time before actually dating because they both knew they had some emotional baggage and neither of them wanted him hurt. Mark had come up with a personal resolution to never reply late to Jaemin, making a conscious effort to never let him feel alone, unsure and insecure. Of course he still had more to learn about the younger, his relationship with Renjun only a part of it. Mark was improving. He wanted to better for Jaemin

SOCMED POST


 

 

“You’re an idiot,” Donghyuck greeted the blonde immediately the latter stepped into their dorm room, languidly kicking off his shoes. “A right fool”

“Hyuck not now please” Renjun sighed wearily, his voice was small and broken as he decided to slump on the couch instead of continuing to his bed as he’d initially planned.

“Who did you manage to piss off so badly that they made an expose post? Don’t say it’s Jaemin because despite your ridiculous personal vendetta against him, he would never do this to you” The tan boy sat up from his place on the opposite couch to regard his roommate and friend.

“Even I know it’s not Jaemin okay? It’s this guy I blocked because he was bothering me about Jeno and he started threatening me” Renjun groaned in exasperation. “I didn’t think he’d go this far”

“You definitely can’t step out on campus for at least two weeks” Donghyuck mused thoughtfully. “Does Jeno know about this though? About this guy threatening you?”

“Why would I tell him that? We have no attachment to each other so even if I told him, he wouldn’t be able to do anything” Renjun scrunched himself up on the couch miserably. Though he wore an expression of nonchalance, inside he felt like everything was crashing around him. He had no one on his side, he seemed to have anything and anyone he wanted yet he was clutching at straws. Everything was fake, an illusion, and sometimes Renjun didn’t know where to draw the line between what he had, and what he thought he had. Like with Jeno.

Speaking of Jeno, their shallow relationship was coming to an end pretty soon; there was no way social media would allow them to be together now that campus saw him as a bloodsucking demon out to get Jeno. Renjun and Jeno may have had a superficial affair but the former had found undeniable solace in it; it was a dream and Renjun had just been forcibly woken up. Fuck Serim.

Donghyuck threw his throw pillow (the one he stole from his precious grandma) at the smaller boy in irritation. “For once can you shut up about attachment? Damn I really wish I could mute that word in real life. You’re fucking miserable and it’s turning you into a mighty asshole. Do you think I enjoy watching you like this, is it such a crime for me to want you to be happy? Why can’t you just tell Jeno you like him? Heck why did you even get with Jeno while knowing he had a boyfriend? You set yourself up to get hurt and you brought anguish to Jaemin. Was it worth it? Was it worth it?

“Stop yelling at me! If you hate me too then tell me so I can leave!! I already know I'm fucking hateful, I’m scum and no one will ever like me. I’m a shitty person. I started this sham relationship with Jeno and I fell okay, I fucking fell! I was the only one to start thinking the ‘I love you’s were real, I was the only one to think we could actually be something more. I had these crazy high expectations and I got disappointed. I got attached, and like I thought, it only led to pain. I know what you’re thinking Hyuck, you think I deserve this don’t you?” At some point in his tirade, Renjun had begun to cry, little sobs punctuating his rants as he screamed at his roommate, the only person in the world willing to listen to him.

“Quite frankly, I do think you deserve this” Donghyuck started, not failing to catch Renjun’s sharp little intake of breath at his bluntness. “I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate me lying to you. However, it’s not your fault you fell for Jeno, you can’t control the flow of your feelings. What you can do is learn from your mistakes and keep your head high. Own it, and make better decisions from now on. I won’t lecture you now because you’re really sad, come here and I’ll give you free cuddles” Donghyuck extended his arms to the smaller boy. Once Renjun had flopped on top of him, heavy sobs racking his lithe body, Donghyuck continued to talk, his honey voice soothing the blonde. “Hey don’t fall for me by the way, I’ve got my eyes on someone already”

“Shut the fuck up Hyuck” Renjun sniffed, pinching the other boy’s arm. “I may be shit but I’ve got high standards”

“Because high standards refer to that meathead Jeno” Donghyuck snorted derisively as if he’d never heard a funnier joke that year. Renjun simply responded with another harder pinch directed towards his friend’s arm.

“Hey Junnie, once you’ve cooled off, you really need to speak to Jeno, and stop bothering Jaemin okay? You need to let go, for your own good” Donghyuck muttered quietly yet firmly. Renjun decided to reply with silence, not wanting Hyuck to jump into a full-blown lecture that would end with the latter also forcing him to apologise to Na Jaemin. No fucking way. “Also, tell me more about this dude that’s blackmailing you…”

 

SOCMED POST

 

Junnie

Renjun we need to talk

hyuck won’t let me leave the dorm

He said it’s for my own safety

fine

let me cut to the chase

why did you do that? Was it necessary to post on that tea page?

what?

pls pls pls don’t play dumb with me now

why are you spreading cheating news?

weren’t you the one that said we did nothing wrong?

now you’re turning on me? Jeopardising me? Just because you got outed??

when your rumours came i didn’t leave you

funny how you suddenly have a lot to say about the rumours

you weren’t exactly with me either

so you start “exposing” me? Wow

I didn’t do anything

exposing you exposes me anyway, what motive would I have??

obviously because you don’t want the blame alone

icb this

i said i didn’t do it!!

then who else? Who else knew I ever dated Jaemin??

idk?? Maybe his friends???

this is so frustrating

how do you think I feel?

you’re just disappointed your chances at getting jaemin back have been ruined now that the whole campus knows what you did

fuck you

fuck you too

SOCMED POST

Notes:

uhhh i guess there was an explosion
fun fact: the luxiao/xiaocas expose thread was sooo painful and frustrating to write >~<
btw who do you think is behind the jeno expose post on fb and the nomin truth account? they're two separate people but i left a good hint for the nomin truth account hehe

anw a sneak peek into renjun and jeno's minds
and markmin are hesitating @.@
they basically confessed at the height of their emotions, will this be a good or bad thing?
the explosion continues in the next chapter hehe

yell at me in the comments or in a cc

Chapter 13

Notes:

after this, only five chapters left hehe

thanks for reading (>~<)

there's a trigger warning for implied anxiety attack but i've marked it out in the scene just like i did in the last chapter @.@

happy easter!!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Wordlessly departing Yangyang’s room, Jaemin’s friends gave Jaemin and Mark the privacy they needed for a very much necessary conversation. After the dramatic and painful events of that day, no one had the heart to point out that technically Mark wasn’t allowed in the frat house (neither was Hendery to be honest, but Olympus but he had become a common presence in the stately building that they practically considered him a brother. Also you couldn’t throw him out if you tried.).

“Do you think they’ll be okay?” Yangyang asked in a hushed tone as soon as they were safely out of earshot. He couldn’t help but be worried about his best friend; he wasn’t even willing to leave the blue-haired boy alone after he was forced to bear his heart on social media like that. However, it was Ten’s threatening glare that got him to reluctantly sidle out of his bedroom.

“Of course they’ll be okay, as long as Mark doesn’t bail on Jaem to comfort his shameless ex-boyfriend” Ten stated confidently, leading the way to his boyfriend, Johnny’s room.

“He’d definitely be an idiot if he chose to comfort Renjun over Jaem, even if they’re not dating yet” Hendery retorted once they got into the room, slinging himself across the oldest’s bed.

“Are you and Mark okay now?” Yangyang asked Ten. It had been just over a week since the older had blown up on Mark in protective panic over Jaemin. Mark hadn’t spoken to him ever since. Yangyang couldn’t blame either Mark or Ten. Mark was actually a lovely guy even if Yangyang was quite sceptical about him. Jaemin had confided in him once about how worried he was that Mark would eventually leave him; the latter still found it a little difficult to reply to messages or return phone calls even if he was attentive in person. Mark was a busy person who travelled a lot, and Jaem was afraid that they’d lose contact if Mark went far enough.

Unacceptable. Yangyang thought, I can’t let Jaemin date someone who can’t take care of him better than me or the hyungs.

But Mark had great potential, just that little flaw that wasn’t that little at all.

With a sigh, Yangyang flung himself across Hendery’s sprawled body on Johnny’s luxurious bed. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t Jaemin just be happy?

The youngest was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t realise he hadn’t gotten the answer to his question.

 

“Don’t be so awkward Markie” the blue-haired boy laughed lightly, “it’s just tears”.

It was unfair.

It was unfair how ethereal he looked even while crying. The tears silently cascading down the highs and contours of his cheeks, glittering like opulent gems, put the Niagara falls to shame (and Mark had actually been there). Wishing he had his camera on him, Mark mentally captured the younger’s appearance. He looked like a masterpiece on the outside but he harboured immense pain and trauma inside that Mark wanted to get rid of. But he didn’t know how. How do you fix another person when you can’t even fix yourself?

“Except it’s not just tears is it?” Mark replied concernedly, moving from Yangyang’s deluxe gaming seat to the space beside Jaemin on the bed. “I’ll listen to you Jaem”

And Mark’s warm brown eyes looked like home, their terracotta depths comforting him like a blanket and Jaemin just wanted to drown in them. Mark’s eyes were demure and flitted when he was nervous but they were very sincere, reflecting the kindness of his heart and Jaemin found solace in them. And for the very first time, Jaemin opened up with his spoken words of his own accord, no black letters on a white screen, no long thread with replies and retweets determining what opinions nameless people had concerning him. It was just he and Mark in the comfort of a room in a supportive frat house with his best friends nearby.

“I won’t let him come close to you Jaem” Mark stated firmly, his arms tucking the younger into his chest as he cried softly. “I promise”

 

The atmosphere of the living room was dismal and the silence echoed painfully, subjecting the four boys to sit in uncomfortable, dejected and tangible tension. Looking at the tiled floor, no one was willing to speak up first, although they all had a lot to say. No one was willing to speak up, that is, until Lucas cleared his throat.

Lucas had always been outspoken and firm in all his decisions. He also harboured a fierce loyalty for his brothers as well as a pride for his frat, his beliefs, everything he stood for. These qualities made him the unanimous choice for frat leader after Yuta had finished (read: dropped out of) university. The tall boy was a great friend and a valuable person to have in your corner. His flaw?

He tended to come up with his own conclusions, and he stuck with those conclusions stubbornly. Hard-headed, Yuta used to say. Without moderation, it’ll get you into trouble one day.

Nakamoto Yuta wasn’t as invested in his frat the way his best friend Taeyong was: he didn’t care for regular check-ups or a routine tête-à-tête with the new frat leaders, he was done meant that he was done, why sign up for extra work? (Actually, Yuta thought that Taeyong only went the extra mile because he was partial to Jungwoo, but this was a secret Yuta would take to his grave). His last words to the new Othrys leader was at Lucas’ inauguration: Nothing wrong with self-assurance or a little bit of ego, as long as you couple that with listening and thinking, you’ll never go wrong.

Lucas hadn’t really listened or thought about Yuta’s words at all, and now he had gone wrong.

Clearing his throat, the tallest boy looked up to address his audience which comprised Xiaojun, Jeno and Donghyuck.

“Jen” he waited for the raven-haired boy to meet his steely gaze. “What exactly is going on?”

With a heavy irritated sigh, Jeno put his head back in his arms. “What a vague question, I’d like to know too”

“Jeno.”

“Lucas.” Jeno replied stubbornly, before relenting. “What was up with that thread? Why did you spread lies about Jaemin? You fed him to the lions and left him to fend for himself!”

“Haha” Lucas laughed slightly. “Hahahaha” he laughed even louder. “Funny you should say that Jen, after everything you told us about your possessive ex-boyfriend. All that shit about him holding you back and everything? Jen we were trying to PROTECT you!”

“Trying to protect me but you only made things worse!!” Jeno was raising his voice heatedly now. “Now I’m not just a cheat and a liar but also a fool!”

“What did you expect us to do huh?” Xiaojun spoke up. “Stand idly by as you got cyber-bullied while being the victim??”

“But he’s not the victim” Donghyuck intervened. “You two wrote a bullshit thread and embarrassed the entire frat while also ruining Jaemin’s day and making him relive his past trauma. I don’t get what’s so hard to understand? Instead of talking like this, you should come up with an apology. Jeno has officially debunked what you’ve said right? Surely you should finally get it? That you've had the wrong idea about Jaemin all along??”

“Listen, Luc, and Jun. I get that you were looking out for me” Jeno exhaled. “But I think you misunderstood my words. Jaemin never treated me badly, actually he loved me a lot - even more than himself. And I guess I got scared that if I got so used to that love, I wouldn’t be able to function without it. His love became like shackles and because of that I couldn’t live a free ‘enjoyable’ life. I didn’t want to rely on him, I wanted to be able to stand alone. I think you guessed he was controlling but he let me do whatever I want, he let me crush his heart, he let me drift out of orbit. Now I’ve lost him and I want him back because I realised too late what an idiot I’ve been.” At some point, Jeno had begun sniffling without realising. “Did you know that in that room when I got caught with Renjun, I realised that I wanted Renjun to be him? I felt instant regret and self-disgust that I couldn’t even say a word. I only came back to my consciousness when he was shaking Renjun and that’s how my only words to him that night was to leave Renjun alone. When all I really wanted to say was I’m sorry. I tried again to say something when he was moving but I became tongue-tied. The air about him had changed and he’d somehow become unapproachable, unreachable. All I could do was protest about him taking my bed. And do you know what he said?”

The eyes of the three boys staring intensely at Jeno gave away their obvious response. What did he say?

“He said that he’d spent so much more time in that bed than I ever did. I felt so fucking ashamed. I’d been neglecting him for that long. After that I didn’t have the guts to say anything more. I just gave up. But not anymore, I’ll fight to get him back, and I’ll treat him better”

“Well fuck” Lucas exclaimed. “What the fuck have we done?”

Even Xiaojun looked cowed. “I even punched him…”

“I’m glad you’ve realised that you’ve been sadistic pricks, you better delete that thread and apologise before Senior Ten actually does something serious. Also, you really need to make it up to Jaemin. You guys made him absolutely miserable. You know some people aren’t good with this kind of treatment right? Another person could’ve taken extreme measures” Donghyuck advised. “Also Jen, leave Jaemin alone and move on. He said in his thread that he doesn’t want anything to do with you. You could show that you care by letting him move on and live a happier life free from trauma”

“I’m going to make it up to him Hyuck so please stay out of my business” Jeno snapped irritably.

“Jeno let the poor chap be happy. No offense but your presence depresses him, it makes him regress. Why can’t you see that? You always find it difficult to pick up on other’s feelings because you’re so self-absorbed. Have you ever stopped to consider whether Jaemin wants you back?” Donghyuck finally raised his own voice in frustration at his friend, the dismal tension hanging overcast them.

“I’m done with this conversation” Jeno whipped out his phone to scroll at whatever random thing popped up on the screen.

“No you’re not” Donghyuck retorted, his hands crossed angrily across his chest. “You haven’t said a word about Renjun in all of this”

“Why would I?” Jeno scoffed. “I don’t even talk to that bi-”

“Shut the fuck up” Dongyuck interrupted. “Renjun has made some very stupid mistakes and very horrid actions but so have you? Why are you treating him that way? Isn’t he your boyfriend? How do you expect to treat Jaemin better when you haven’t learned anything? You haven’t been able to treat Renjun any better than you ever did Jaemin!”

“Jen what’s up with you and Renjun?” Xiaojun asked perturbedly.

“I had no problems with him, because I cheated with him too you know? But why did he go and write that expose post on facebook? He threw me under the bus while trying to exonerate himself. Why would I want anything to do with him after that?” Jeno was tired of arguing, he just wanted to go to bed. With Jaemin, the bed was always comforting, he was so welcoming. He was home.

“Jen, I don’t think Renjun wrote that post. It didn’t benefit him in any way, plus he clearly loves you. He wouldn’t drag your name through the mud” Lucas spoke slowly, still trying out the ‘listening and thinking’ advice he’d received from the former Othrys leader.

“Pffft, love me? Junn- Renjun isn’t capable of love. That’s why we’re in a relationship with no attachments. Clearly it was all a mistake”

“Every second I spend here increases my urge to throw myself out of the window” Donghyuck groaned, massaging his temple.

“Be my guest” Jeno shrugged before turning back to his phone nonchalantly.

“Jen, I think you’re being unfair to Renjun. Did you even talk to him? Don’t make the same mistake twice. He wouldn’t do that to you. I’m sure of it” Xiaojun piped up. “Promise you’ll talk to him, even if it ends in a break up. I think he’s going through a lot and you’re the one that can help him out because.. He loves you

And with that, Xiaojun leapt from his seat to exit the apartment with Lucas in tow.

“I can’t make any promises” Jeno muttered, causing Donghyuck to finally have enough and leave too. So Jeno was now in the apartment, alone and wondering if this was how Jaemin felt everyday in the past.

 

Three successive sharp knocks on the door to Yangyang’s room promptly paused whatever conversation Jaemin was having with his friends. They had taken to making the youngest’s room their main hangout spot now that Jaemin didn’t feel comfortable going outside. According to Hendery, he had the support of most of the campus even if there were still haters unwilling to listen to the truth. An apology hashtag had also trended for him with people deleting their posts (“I lowkey wish they didn’t so I coils carry out my threat” Ten had mumbled in response) but this only caused Jaemin to scoff. Tweets, hashtags, it was so easy for faceless people on the internet to change their opinions and validate or cancel people with just words as if those words could suddenly erase the pain.

Anyway, Jungwoo popped his head around the door. “Sorry to interrupt you guys but Jaem you’ve got two very sorry visitors. Should I let them in?” his tone was light but his expression bore genuine concern for his blue-haired little brother. “Lucas and Xiaojun from Othrys”

Jaemin gave his frat leader a sad smile in return. “No thank you, I don’t really want to see them again ever, but if they’re genuinely sorry then I forgive them”

“Okay Jaem” Jungwoo came in and ruffled the younger’s hair before leaving the room as quickly and gently as he had come. Yangyang and Hendery proceeded to jump on top of their best friend to suffocate him with love.because they were proud of him.

Jaeminnieee” Ten only used that tone when he was about to ask for something that the other person would usually refuse, this time the other person being his blue-haired friend. “It feels like we haven’t really seen each other in ages. No matter what you’re going through, we’ll be part of it so there’s no need for you to cry alone”

“I know that… and I’m sorry guys, it’s just that I didn’t want to be a burden since I always seem to be going through a lot. I didn’t want you guys wasting your fun lives taking care of me. I wanted you and Johnny to enjoy your dates and Yangyang has a guy he’s interested in right? And Hendery is making music and doing really well and I didn’t want to dampen the mood” Jaemin blinked back tears from his already exhausted tear ducts.

“Jaem if you ever think that again, I won’t hesitate to move your things into my room over here so you have no choice but cry in front of me” Yangyang threatened non-aggressively before tackling him into a warm hug.

“I’m sure Yangyang means well, but let’s remember to keep boundaries'' Johnny chimed in his usual fashion. “Even if I help move Jaem’s stuff in here, we’ll still need to respect his privacy when he needs it”. Yangyang only rolled his eyes in response.

“Seriously Jaem, I hope you don’t think that way anymore” Ten added worriedly. “We can’t be happy if you’re not. You’re not a burden to us, you’re a blessing and don’t you ever forget that”

“Of course I don’t feel that way anymore” Jaemin smiled adorably. “I really appreciate you guys”

“Awww group hug!!” Hendery cheered as they all enveloped Jaemin in a massive hug before tumbling off Yangyang’s bed due to the imbalance of their weights.

“So what did you want to ask me Ten hyung?” Jaemin asked.

Oh yeah,” Ten beamed. “We should celebrate this milestone at Sun and Moon!!”

 

 

Immediately they arrived at the popular club, Jaemin’s friends had split up as they usually did to exchange pleasantries with acquaintances and catch up with friends that were becoming distant, promising each other to meet at the poolside later on. They didn’t actually want to leave Jaemin alone especially after what had happened the last time they’d visited Sun and Moon, but this time the blue-haired boy wouldn’t be alone, and no one wanted to thirdwheel.

“You know what? I’ve never been here before” Mark confessed, looking around the club’s interior in fascination. “I wasn’t always the hermit I became halfway through my second year, I actually went out, yet never to this place”

“So I’m your first time huh” Jaemin teased, his eyes twinkling with mischief and delight at Mark’s embarrassment. “I’ve only ever been here three times myself, and one of those times was in the morning when no one else was here but the bartenders. Hopeful I can make this memorable for you Markie”

“You don’t have to go out of your way to make this memorable Jaem, just being here with you is in itself a happy memory” Mark replied softly, his stupidly comforting brown eyes absorbing the younger.

“Ten points for the cheesiness Markie” but Jaemin was blushing, and they could both see it.

I quite like when I make Jaem blush red, Mark noted to himself. Black, blue, mint green, pink, red… Jaemin looks like a greek god in those hues so varied on the spectrum. I want to decorate him with my own marks, and glorify the masterpiece he is. I want to-

Thoughts bordering on becoming lewd, the brunette quickly turned away from the younger in embarrassment and shame. Suddenly he couldn’t look Jaemin in the eye. “Uh-uhh h-how about I get us drinks?” Why do you always turn me into a mess?

“Do you even know what I want?” Jaemin giggled, he’d evidently recovered from his own flustered state.

“I could guess again, and get another prize?”

“No you’d never get it Markie, my order is tailor-made” The blue-haired boy grinned. “Plus Yuta wouldn’t give it to you for free”

But Mark desperately needed the break from Jaemin to cool off, because unlike the younger, he couldn’t just get over his gay panic. The air was too hot, the music unable to drown out the beat of his drumming heart, and Jaemin walked and talked with an aura that electrified him to the extent that he wanted to get away at the same time he wanted to beg for more.

“It’s okay, just tell me what it is and I’ll pay for it”

 

Disco lights reflecting off his glinting earrings as he stood on the edge of the dance floor, Jaemin couldn’t help but feel relieved. No one could recognise him in the heat of the bodies undulating to the rhythm blasted from the bass speakers. Students - all in various levels ranging from slightly tipsy to deadass drunk - temporarily let go of their academic stress as they played their drinking games, completely forgot their animosity towards each other as they grinded on their enemies, Sun and Moon was an oasis in SMU. It was a shame that it was also the same location where Jaemin got his heart broken.

Jaunted out of his thoughts on the significance of the club by a hand on his shoulder, the blue-haired boy whipped his head around in delight. “Thanks Mark-”

The rest of his sentence died in his throat.

Instead of a brunette, a tall built raven-haired boy stood before him instead, with no drink on hand but a lot of drink inside him.

Nana, I want to talk to you, I need to talk to you” He croaked, clearly tipsy.

And Jaemin hated the way his heart reacted to the familiar pet name that turned him to putty in Jeno’s hands every time. He detested the way he’d become conditioned to feel weak whenever his ex called him Nana. And Jeno was just standing there, drunk, and ignorant of the way he made him feel with just a word.

Angrily, Jaemin shrugged off Jeno’s hand. “Leave me alone Jeno, I never want to see you again. I meant what I tweeted”

An expression of pain quickly registered on the raven-haired boy’s face for a fleeting moment before being replaced with a look of determination. “That’s why I need to talk to you Nana, do you really want to end things like this?”

“Things ended a long time ago Jeno and as far as I know, I have no idea who you are” Jaemin responded coldly, his tone and words leaving a chilling bite in the atmosphere around them. “And don’t call me Nana”

“Look Na- Jaem I’m really desperate here. I want to make things right” Jeno pleaded desperately. “Please give me this chance, I’m begging”.

He looked like he was about to fall on his knees and Jaemin didn’t want to see that at all, he hated scenes and Mark really was taking such a long time and Jaemin’s emotions were swirling inside him in confusion. What if Mark met Renjun at the bar? If Jeno was here, shouldn’t Renjun be here too by default? Why were all the guys he met like that? Why did they always cause him to overthink and be insecure?

The blue-haired boy turned on his heel to walk away, all initial excitement immediately seeping out of his body. He felt drained. Perhaps this moment of faltering weakness gave Jeno the advantage he had as he grabbed his ex-boyfriend’s hand, leading him to the familiar corridor lined with doors to unlocked rooms. And then they were in a room and they were sitting on a bed and Jeno was still holding his hand and he was out of it.

Jeno was talking to him but it felt like he was underwater and he couldn't understand whatever garbled language the raven-haired boy was speaking. All Jaemin knew was that he wanted to float away, to drift away on a sea to nowhere because he was just sick of it all. What was the point? He only had his friends and they would leave him anyway for their own lovers and he’d be unnecessary, irrelevant, a waste of space looking for somewhere to encroach.

No. I promised my friends I wouldn’t feel this way anymore. I need to go find them now, instead of them finding me, I’ll run to them this time.

Bubbles of air were floating around him as he suddenly burst through the surface of the ocean of his thoughts. He could hear Jeno rambling an apology and his eyes dimmed at the fact. Jaemin didn’t need an apology, he just needed Jeno to get out of his life once and for all.

“Jaem… I really want you back. I will be a better person I promise”

“Get out Jeno” Jaemin cut in with a brittle tone. “I’m not listening to you”.

Once again, Jeno held onto him tightly, tears leaking down his eyes and catching on his long dark eyelashes. “Jaem.. why can’t you let me explain?” his voice shook. “I want to tell you the truth, please

 

Mark had been searching everywhere in the loud and unfamiliar club for a certain blue-haired boy, two glasses of drinks in tow. There was no sight of Jaemin on the dance floor where he’d left him, neither was the younger by the poolside or in the billiards room which reeked of smoke and debt. He wasn’t out front either so Mark’s last port of call was to check the corridor that had some bedrooms (he had avoided this place till last, unwilling to accidentally walk into students having *cough* *cough*. Voyeurism wasn’t a kink he thought he’d be into…)

Unfortunately for him, Mark had accidentally walked into some scenarios that made him wish he were blind (especially that orgy in room 2) and he had just about given up when he noticed a distinguishable blue head of hair walking towards the door.

“Oh Jaem I’ve been looking for you everywhere, guess what? Yuta did give me the drinks for free, turns out he’s a senior I hung out with back in high school…” Mark was speaking rapidly but his chatter fizzled out at the sight of Jeno grasping Jaemin’s hand against his will.

And all he saw was red.

 

Thinking Jeno was forcing himself on the blue-haired boy, Mark rushed towards him, sending a swift and bruising punch to his jaw, consequently knocking him to the floor.

tw: implied anxiety attack
The sound of the punch and the dull thud as Jeno crumpled to the floor reverberated around the room and Jaemin was hyper-sensitive as his senses went into overdrive. The room swum around him and the dim lights were suddenly too bright as his perception of past and present overlapped.

Jaemin was in the same room as almost a year ago, except instead of seeing Jeno get punched to the floor, he saw himself: an image superimposed over the raven-haired boy. And instead of Mark he saw Xiaojun positioned above him, the darkness enshrouding him was abysmal and all Jaemin wanted to do was be free.

Eyes glossing over with bitter tears, Jaemin’s legs buckled as he too fell to the floor. He was no longer in Sun and Moon; he was trapped in a room full of shadows which taunted him and poked at his insecurities and revelled in his misery.

“Jaem oh my gosh” Mark rushed towards the younger to help him up, but the latter only scooted away from him, shivering and broken.

“Stay away from me!” In the spiralling depths of his negative emotions, Jaemin could no longer discern between the comforting compassionate Mark he’d grown to love and the distant Mark that disappeared whenever he left a ten metre radius. The Mark that would quickly leave him the second he travelled for his next photography opportunity. Jaemin was done with having to put the most effort in a one-sided relationship. He was done with not being made a priority. He was done with the feelings of insecurity that plagued him at night and the sleeping pills that clogged his throat and the tears that left him with a blazing headache that would force him to visit TTT for a coffee where he’d get antagonised by Renjun. He was done with watching people make comments about his life on social media, he was tired of being a spectator in his own life as others shook him down and stomped on him and made him experience hell on earth. No longer did he want to be shackled by his trauma; Jaemin wanted to be free.
end of tw

“See what I’ve been saying, you’re no good for him Mark Lee!” Jeno scorned the brunette before turning back to the younger. “Jaemin I can prove to you that I can make you happy if you let me tell you the truth about everything and give me one more chance”

“Shut up! Shut up Jeno and listen!! You haven’t changed at all, you’re still the same self-absorbed, self-serving, insensitive egotist you were before we broke up” Jaemin yelled, voice raw with emotion. “You don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourself. You never consider what I want, and yet you have the audacity to want me back?? You make me miserable. You’re literally trying to cheat on Renjun right now, in the same room you did with me

“You don’t understand, m-me and Renjun are in an open relation-”

Jeno didn’t get to finish his sentence before Mark sent him another blow to the jaw in the same purply bruised spot, relishing the hiss of pain coming from the raven-haired boy on the floor. “You idiot, isn’t it obvious that Renjun has true feelings for you? He couldn’t even flirt with me properly like I know he’s capable of doing, and that’s because he loves you.” Mark regarded Jeno with contempt before turning to the boy he loves who was crouched on the floor away from him. “Let’s go, Jaem?”

But Jaemin had already realised with a sinking feeling that he didn’t trust Mark, and without that trust they were only moving in circles, they were only moving nowhere.

Directing a look of sadness to the younger, Mark nodded in solemn understanding. “Should I find someone else to come get you, if you have doubts about me?”

“No thanks, I’ll do that myself” Jaemin refused, getting to his feet which felt weak but thankfully weren’t shaking. “I should have done things for myself from the very beginning” and with that, he quietly exited the room which felt like a parallel universe in comparison to the thumping music resonating throughout the rest of the club. Yuta was probably going to be displeased with the broken tumblers with their tailor-made drinks sluiced forgotten all over the floor. Mark must have dropped them when he pounced on Jeno.

The trip to the bar was surprisingly peaceful even amidst the bass clanging in his ears. He must’ve looked like a train wreck because Taeyong’s already large eyes widened like saucers once he made eye contact. “Hyung, please can you take me home… to Olympus”

Ten’s kittens

Don’t look for me guys

I got Taeyong hung to drop me home

I sort of got into a confrontation with Jeno and Mark

And I don’t really feel like talking to either of them

I’m just tired, but I got to say my mind

I feel really sad

Pls don’t be mad at Mark

Ten

home?

Where are u baby

We’ll come back

in yangie’s room

Tucking himself in the mass of blankets on his best friend’s bed, Jaemin cried at night for the last time. His tears this particular night were the most sorrowful, because for once he was doing things out of consideration for himself, running for the finish line and it was painful because running for his own feelings hurt and he was bleeding because it wasn’t easy at all; he was running on shards of glass.

Notes:

nooo they were just doing really well :(((
i think this is the last of nomin angst according to my outline...

thoughts?
i'd love to hear them in the comments or in a cc

Chapter 14

Notes:

hey everyone, i'm so sorry it took so long for this update >~<
if you've seen my twitter or curious cat answers, you'd probably already know that i'm preparing for my final exams

thank you for the supportive messages!! and well enjoy

p.s. markmin have been so loud lately icb this

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Markie

good morning jaem

Hope you slept well?

Make sure you don’t leave without having breakfast ^^

Just a little over a week had gone by since Jaemin’s confrontation with Jeno and Mark and the blue-haired boy had consequently temporarily moved into the Olympus frat where he’d been provided a room. He needed space and none of his friends or frat brothers or even Mark could dispute that. Jaemin had finally been honest about his doubts about Mark as well as his fears of getting hurt again, this time irreparably.

Although his days were rather mundane and he mostly moped around listlessly from the comfort of the stately Olympus house, Jaemin was actually relieved and proud of himself because thinking back, his past self from a year ago would’ve fallen prey to Jeno. Or maybe he would’ve tried to satisfy both boys even if it meant him suffering even more. But he’d changed. When he walked out, he walked out on his own terms, and it was the most gratifying feeling ever.

Mulling over the events of the night at the club, the blue-haired boy had been able to calmly sort out the thoughts which had roiled around his head erratically. He had pushed Mark away, yet he harboured no negative feelings towards the older; he was simply safeguarding his heart because somewhere along the line he’d noticed that he was giving more than he wanted to receive… and the last time he’d done that, it had resulted in his heart getting broken.

“So you’re not mad at Mark?” Yangyang was curled on the soft carpet of Jaemin’s floor because the latter refused to let him eat his snacks on his bed. “Then what happens now?”

“I don’t know,” Jaemin admitted helplessly, a weak smile written across his face as if he was resigned to his face. “I just want to be sure that Mark will treat me right, although it’s unfair of me to keep him waiting like this”

“No matter what, I’ll always support your decisions Jaem” Yangyang only wanted his best friend to be happy because he deserved the world and had gone through far too much suffering already. It wasn’t going to be easy but Mark needed to get through the walls Jaemin had put up around his heart. Fighting! Mark Lee.

 

Now Mark obviously felt disappointed that even in the presence of Jeno who emotionally abused him, Jaemin still hadn’t been able to choose him. However the event of the night at the club had served as a slap to reality as he realised in shame how much effort he’d been putting into their relationship as opposed to Jaemin.

It was the little things, the minute details, instances that you blink and you miss.

Mutual understanding was really only ever Jaemin compromising for him and never the other way round: Jaemin had pardoned his communication issue, but had he himself ever even asked the younger about what issues plagued him, even though the darkness he carried with him had been obvious since the first day he laid eyes upon Jaemin at the studio on Germany? Jaemin had come to look for him past midnight when he had locked himself up in the darkroom while going through an anxiety attack, but Mark hadn’t said a word about the blue-haired boy’s own red-rimmed eyes and dark eyebags, neither did he speak up when he happened to hear Jaemin’s sniffles at night when he thought no one could hear him. He barely even texted the younger, hiding under the excuse that he spent most of his time with him in real life anyway. But Jaemin never failed to send messages reminding him about eating lunch and staying hydrated because Mark tended to get so absorbed in his work he’d forget to take care of his body.

No wonder Jaemin had had enough - he even persevered a lot, and no doubt Jeno was the trigger, but really Mark had no one to blame but himself.

Three times a day, the brunette had resolved to text the blue-haired boy: one early in the morning so he’d see it first thing when he woke up, another when he took a break between classes to check up on the younger, and the last one before Jaemin would go to bed. Sometimes he’d send more; little updates about his day like the cute kitten he encountered on his way to a class, or a particularly pretty flower he photographed. If I want Jaem to open up to me more, I need to open up to him. And thus began Mark’s growth in expressiveness.

With the yolk-like sun hanging obnoxiously at the pinnacle of the sky, the flowers that famously adorned the photography club’s exterior preened in the warm light, petals outspread and inviting the local bees to fill the air with an ambrosial and nectarine scent. The club members decided to have a picnic instead of stay cooped up editing photos inside the air-conditioned and dimmer club room. Without hesitation, Mark quickly captured the scene of camaraderie and sent it to Jaemin. He was pleased to receive the younger’s immediate reply:

Jaem <3

pretty

bon appetit

If Mark had known the bliss that came from just a reply, Mark would’ve gotten over his texting fears long ago, or maybe it was just the Jaemin effect. But, he’d caused the younger to not be as responsive as he usually was.

“Yo Mark Lee!” A voice severed his focus on his phone screen (which was probably a good thing considering he was just smiling creepily at it). It was a familiar tiny hyung walking towards where he lay sprawled on someone’s blanket.

“Oh hi Ten, you should try these sandwiches, they’re really good” The brunette offered one of the sandwiches from the platter towards the older who gratefully accepted it.

“It’s just a jam sandwich Mark” Ten frowned in confusion.

“Yeah but it’s homemade, and that makes all the difference” Mark insisted as he swallowed his own. Ten could only shrug in slight disgust.

“Fancy a starbucks?” Ten asked instead. He had come for a sit-down and a discussion with the photography club president and he wanted to do it in private.

“Not really,” Mark replied. “It’s nice outside. Plus these sandwiches are div-” But he couldn’t finish his sentence before Ten dragged him up to his feet and away from the cozy picnic. He didn’t actually get to speak until he’d been pushed into a seat at the nearest Starbucks with a menu thrust into his hands. “What’s your problem hyung?” he massaged his wrists in mild irritation.

Ten let out a heavy sigh before speaking. “I’m here to apologise, Mark. I’m sorry for being a shitty friend to you, I’m supposed to be someone that understands you but I didn’t even listen to your side of the story” He hung his head in shame and Mark couldn’t fight back his smile.

“I already forgot about it hyung, and you were actually right because now I think I’ve blown my chances with Jaem. I’ve been texting him regularly but the progress is minimal” and now Mark had his head in his hands.

“No, you idiot!” Ten leaned forward, “You haven’t blown any chances so don’t start flaking now”

“The regular messages have come too late, he must think it’s a joke that I only just started actively texting him” the brunette groaned, he was at his wits end.

“That’s not true Mark” Ten spoke encouragingly. “You just need to show him that you care. What you’ve got to do is ask him out. What kind of things did you do to fall for each other in Germany? You need to remind him of those times, but this time with the assurance that you’re here to stay, that is if you really are here to stay”

“Of course I am” Mark retorted. “But shouldn’t I be giving him space? I don’t want to be all up in his face especially when he doesn’t particularly feel like seeing me…”

“You’re right to give him enough space, but as his adoptive parent I’m advising you to make some moves. It’s for both his good and yours, and the rest of us are tired of getting caught up in your sexual tension” Ten reassured the younger confidently. “Space isn’t really what you need because you’ll drift further away. If you give too much space and take too long, Jaem will start to think you don’t care. We’re trying to prove you can give him the attention he needs right?”

For a few minutes, Mark mused over Ten’s words while the latter went up to the counter to receive his order. The older had a good point, but there was one glaring problem.

“Jaem won’t want to see me” The brunette stated sadly, his budding hope slowly fizzling out. If only I’d tried hard, if only I’d just tried a little harder he reflected with regret.

“Oh Mark, you have little faith” Ten leaned in conspiratorially towards the younger. “Don’t you have some leverage over him or something that we can work with?”

“You want us to blackmail him?” Mark looked scandalised as he took some time to analyse whether Ten really was one of Jaemin’s best friends.
And that’s when it dawned on him. Damn Ten must be a psychic.


Ten hyung

Jaeminieeee

pls help hyunggg 🥺

i bought too much stuff, will you help me bring some in 😭😭

i was in a comfy spot on my bed… 😒

i’m coming

Begrudgingly getting out of his warm bed, Jaemin put on his soft plush bunny slippers to keep his feet feeling cozy before trudging towards the entrance of Olympus. Upon opening the door, instead of his small cheerful hyung, he saw a taller brunette whose gaze was pinned at the floor.

An unidentifiable feeling suddenly coursed through his veins; he wanted to run away at the same time that he wanted to jump into the brunette’s arms. Pining. The older was right in front of him and yet still out of reach but he was the one pushing him away. “I’m sorry Mark, I just can’t face you right now” but Mark was quick and had his hand on the door before Jaemin could shut it.

“I won’t be here for long, I just want to ask one thing” He breathed out rapidly. “Seven dates. Please let me take you on seven dates to change your mind about me” His heart drummed rapidly behind his lungs as he anticipated the younger’s response.

“Mark, I’m sorry but I can’t. I need time” and once again, the blue-haired boy was about to close the door with a heavy heart when Mark intercepted and kept his foot wedged in between the door and the entrance.

“I thought you were going to stop running away” Mark said defiantly, searching Jaemin’s downcast eyes for any sign of the Jaemin that wasn’t closed off to him. “Do you remember my prize? The one you gave me for getting your drink right? You said I could ask you for anything with that coupon”

Sighing lightly, Jaemin asked Mark to text him the dates before disappearing back into the large frat house while the latter cheered victoriously outside on the marble steps to the entrance.

Watching the entire interaction go down from his spot out of sight, Ten smiled knowing that things were going to be okay for both his friends. Their happy ending was in sight. Mark may make stupid mistakes, but he was a tough fighter; where most would’ve given up, Mark had struggled on to overcome his creative block, and Ten knew the brunette would fight for Jaemin. Good on Mark for getting such a coupon from Jaemin.

operation markmin

mark has secured 7 dates with jaem

mark

hey hyung i was gonna say it first

jiwoo

woah i’m not used to mark being active in the chat

yangyang

who knew all we needed was jaem to ignore him

lmfao ikr? We could’ve made progress a while ago 😭

hendery

minus all the heartbreak 😭

hyuck

anyway let’s get this show on the road

Markmin endgame

puppy cafe I found on insta

namsan tower?

skate park (but I don’t know how to skate??)

line cafe (has loads of plushies)

amusement park

cooking date? (I’m a disaster tho :( )

picnic at the beach!


Flustered. Jaemin felt flustered and jittery as he fussed over his appearance in the full-length mirror across him. According to Mark, he would arrive at Olympus in twenty minutes and although the blue-haired boy was ready, he couldn’t help the feeling that he was forgetting something. His nerves were all over the place and he didn’t know quite what to do with himself.

The thing is, Mark had never been so direct and unabashed before. Despite his cold and reluctant response, Jaemin had been completely disarmed by the sincerity and boldness in the way the older asked him out on not just one date but seven. Immediately he’d accepted (thanks to a coupon he thought neither had taken seriously), Jaemin had shut the door and leaned against it, trying to catch his breath and will away the blush dying his cheeks startlingly rouge. How unfair, he thought. The brunette had casually said all he’d said without batting an eyelash, leaving only Jaemin to sink to his knees in the privacy of his room, heart beating uncontrollably and his entire being a bundle of anticipation and slight trepidation.

He wasn’t used to this; he’d never been on the receiving end, never been the one that was chased - or sought after. Lately, Jaemin had been experiencing a sort of emotional whiplash with the way he bounced from borderline depression to pseudo-happiness and then to a hapless blushing mess. This wasn’t the break from feelings that he’d planned to have. Yet somehow he couldn’t help but look forward to what Mark had planned. Because despite his doubts and misgivings and everything else in between, Jaemin liked the older. And that should be all that mattered right?

Markie

you ready?

i’m outside

Face ablaze not for even the fifth time that morning, the blue-haired boy brushed his palms on his jeans before heading out to not just go on a simple “date” but to finally figure out where things stood between him and Mark.

 

“You look good. Really good”. Maybe it was his low tone, or his unwavering stare, but something in the way Mark complimented him upon stepping outside the frat house that set his guts into panic and Jaemin had never felt so self-conscious in his life. Suddenly he was now the awkward blustering one and he didn’t know what to do.

Both of them had gone out almost everyday in Germany on what was akin to dates yet he had never felt this way. The palpable tension, the complicated feelings, the giant fucking question mark hanging above them about what label they had, they were nonexistent in Germany. Things had been so much easier when they looked at each other with rose-tinted glasses, blind to the shadows they both hid beneath them. Much like an oasis, they were there for each other when they needed each other abroad, but whatever sort of “fling” they had was quick to vanish before their clouded eyes. Jaemin knew it wasn’t good enough. Neither of them were looking for something temporary, shallow or half-assed. So the blue-haired boy was grateful for the older; Mark stepped up where Jaemin had wanted to retreat, to ignore and eventually run away from his problems until they blew up in his face.

Something had shifted the second Jaemin had walked away from Mark and Jeno that night. For one, he found it easier to sleep now as he was no longer plagued by shadows related to his ex-boyfriend. In fact, he realised belatedly, that Jeno was no longer on his mind at all. All Jaemin’s reservations and seeds of doubt were all related to one boy only. An older, clumsier, brunette.

Except that the older, clumsier, brunette wasn’t quite so clumsy right now. This seemingly new, self-assured trait of Mark was knocking the younger off his feet and he sure as hell hoped that the attraction he felt wasn’t so glaringly obvious.

“I know, you look good too” Jaemin tried to play off the effect Mark’s words had on him with some confidence of his own. It obviously didn’t work as to his annoyance (and to his embarrassing pleasure) the older ruffled his hair affectionately.

“Cute” the brunette chuckled before pulling his hand back instantly. “Sorry it was instinctive, let me know when I’m crossing your boundaries” he apologised sheepishly, and suddenly Jaemin felt bad for the way he had treated Mark in the past few days. It was true that he wanted space but he could only imagine how anxious the older must’ve been feeling. But Jaemin had his reasons, and he was pretty sure that his absence had caused Mark to be putting in the effort he was putting in right now.

“Jeez Mark don’t be so awkward” Jaemin attempted to reassure the older. “Relax it’s okay, I’m not mad - or rather I wasn’t mad at you. I was just confused, overwhelmed and doubtful and I needed space to sort my feelings out without taking it out on anyone else. Although I did mean everything I said to Jeno” he laughed slightly.

“But you still feel doubtful,” Mark stated, his statement coming across as more of a question than a statement.

“Doesn’t that depend on the outcome of our dates?” Jaemin teased lightly as he playfully bumped into the brunette.

“No pressure or anything” Mark wiggled his eyebrows, playfully nudging the younger back. “I really want us to work” he breathed out, tone more serious and worrying.

“Me too,” Jaemin replied. Desperately. “Let’s leave the deep talk for later hmm? You haven't told me where we’re going yet”

“Ahh I thought we could start light and simple, we’ll get there soon enough” Mark’s hands were getting clammy as they approached the puppy cafe which was situated within walking distance from the younger’s frat house. Now that he thought about it, he never really pegged Jaemin to be a frat member. Actually there was a lot he didn’t know about the younger. Other than his love for photography, his go-to coffee, his love for plushies and Lee Jeno being his ex, there really was nothing else he knew.

Upon their arrival at the puppy cafe, the blue-haired boy had squealed in delight as he rushed in to immediately play with the tiny bichon that looked up at him with adorable interest. Mark offered a silent thanks to Yangyang who had informed of how Jaemin liked to play with his own puppy Nian Nian.

Taking a seat, Mark looked at the younger fondly. It was weird how Jaemin’s existence in his life was able to completely switch his attitude towards human relationships. In a couple of months, he’d already found himself someone he loved and genuinely wanted to be with, as well as friends who wanted the best for him. Watching Jaemin play with the little fluffy dogs, in his element, unrestrained as he giggled besottedly, Mark felt the overwhelming impulse to hold him close and to never let him go.

At that moment, Jaemin turned towards him, indicating with his free hand to come over and join him in humouring the puppies. Thankfully the younger didn’t point out his blatant staring as he turned back to the beagle he was tickling.

 

“Mmmh thish ish sho good” Jaemin sighed contentedly a few spoons after digging into his puppy-shaped mini chocolate cake. The duo had retreated to a table upstairs beside a window overlooking the more serene part of campus. It made sense considering the cafe was situated more along the outskirts of SMU where mainly post-grad students resided.

“I know right? The reviews were pretty good” Mark nodded, helping himself to the paw-shaped cookies in front of him. “Hey these are really good, wanna try?” His eyes widened in delight at the decadent dessert.

“As good as it looks, strawberry is one out of two things I hate most in the world” Jaemin grinned as he politely decline the pink frosted cookies.

“Woah how can you hate strawberries?” Mark shook his head in mock disappointment. “Plus strawberries suit you a lot… sweet and pretty…” The older could feel his cheeks burn with a red hue as he realised what he was saying. But it was okay, Jaemin was blushing too.

“You know what? I think I might try one now” Jaemin’s eyes bounced back with mirth as he reached for a cookie. Taking a miniature bite, his eyes never left Mark’s… that is until he recoiled at the taste he so much disliked.

“You hate it” Mark stated the obvious.

“It’s alright…” Jaemin’s reply not fooling either of them. And somehow that managed to set them off into peals of laughter that eased any left over tension hanging around them.

Regaining his breath, Mark found he had more confidence to open up more to the younger. “Actually I’m not big on strawberries either, even if I don’t mind them. I love watermelons instead” he blurted out.

“Yeah watermelons are good, when they’re actually sweet and don’t just taste of water” Jaemin agreed, hints of laughter not hidden in his smile. “They suit you too”

“Hey!” Mark whined. “I know you’re trying to say something even if I don’t understand” The younger simply laughed in reply. “Okay but Jaem, I really want to get to know you better, and I want to be open with you. I haven’t done things right from the start so I want to start anew”

“But you already know what there is to know about me” Jaemin frowned slightly. “I used to be a Jeno puppet, I got ditched by my family, my friends and Jeno, and I like photography”

Mark internally winced at the blue-haired boy’s summary of himself. He only wished the younger knew how he was much more than he saw himself as. Jaemin must have picked up on his thoughts as he sent him a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure I got over him after that night. I sort of let everything go, I just wanted a clean slate you know? The grudges I’ve kept are what made each day even harder for me. I just wanted to forget everything that happened to me except the lessons I’ve learnt from it all. I’m sorry that also led to me ignoring you…” Jaemin bowed his head sheepishly.

“No I get it, besides if I had been doing things right, you wouldn’t have had those doubts about me so I should be the one apologising to you. You’re an angel Jaem, you’re like milk and honey and there’s so much more to you than what the people in your past made you believe. I’m sorry to say this but fuck your parents. They ditched you because you loved someone. They failed to realise the multiple facets that make you you. In the short while I’ve known you, I’ve learnt a lot. You are super caring almost to a fault. You are so loyal, you’re annoyingly smart for someone doing a course they don’t even want to do, you learn really quickly because you do so well at modelling. You are attractive and charming in the way you make heads turn when you walk into a room and the way people naturally gravitate towards you. You are really loved by your friends, your frat, the modelling and photography team, those guys that own the fancy club… and you’re so breathtakingly beautiful. Anyone would be so lucky to be close to you. I mean it.”

Mark didn’t realise when the younger had lifted his sweater paw hands to cover his face. But even through his hands, Mark could make out the distinct redness. Jaemin looked so fragile and his reaction worried him. Has no one ever told him this before?

“F-Fuck you Markie” Markie. Jaemin called him Markie again. Jaemin’s voice was soft and muffled as he still had his hands in front of his face, and Mark was instantly overwhelmed with the intense desire to hug the younger close to himself.

Is it too hasty to pull someone onto your lap on the first date?

Realising that:
1) Jaemin wasn’t going to calm down any time soon and
2) As long as Jaemin remained so fucking cute, he wouldn’t be able keep his hands away,
Mark decided to change the subject. His thoughts scared him. Somewhere along the line, daydreams of holding the younger, kissing the younger… had become more frequent.

“What was the other thing?”

“The other what?” Jaemin was still covering his face and god if Jaemin knew what he was doing…

“You said strawberries were one out of two things you hate the most in the world. What’s the other thing you hate?”

“Milk”

Somewhere in his short-term memory, Mark could remember himself saying Jaemin was like milk and honey, the same way he had said he suited strawberries. The brunette let out a grown which finally got Jaemin to bring his hands back down from his face (or maybe his arms just felt sore) as he laughed. “How could I get it so wrong? I’ve known you for months now” Mark lamented.

“It’s okay Markie, you’ve still got six more dates”

And Mark was convinced his heart truly would burst right there right then.

Markmin endgame

puppy cafe I found on insta

namsan tower?

skate park (but I don’t know how to skate??)

line cafe (has loads of plushies)

amusement park

cooking date? (I’m a disaster tho :( )

picnic at the beach!

operation markmin

yangyang

mark mark mark i saw u drop jaem back how did it go????

johnny

he looks really happy so it must’ve gone well 👍

well it went pretty well

jiwoo

i can literally sense you pulsing with excitement

we talked quite a bit and he blushed a lot and he was so cute i just wanted to squeeze him and he’s looking forward to our next date!!

ten

awwww

hendery

ewwww

hyuck

mark how’s ‘that’ coming along?

it’s going pretty well

jiwoo got me forms and i’ve filled them all

jiwoo

the things i do for u

ten

yes yes you’re a goddess wbk 🙄

hendery

not to be stupid but what’s ‘that’ again?

johnny

mark’s surprise for jaem

it’s meant to be the icing on the cake

ten

mark’s surprise that we’re all helping him plan

give credits babe

but if it falls through you won’t want anything to do with the plan

ten

ofc not

🤡

ten

🤡

Notes:

thoughts?
as usual, let it rip in the comments or in a cc

the updates will be slower because of exams but i'll be writing paragraphs in the breaks i take so hopefully chapter 15 won't take too long to come

but we're almost at the end omg

Chapter 15

Notes:

i had to take a day off from school and studying because i was sleep-deprived @.@
at least it gave me the time to write most of this chapter...

hope you enjoy~

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Markmin endgame

puppy cafe I found on insta

namsan tower?

skate park (but I don’t know how to skate??)

kakao ryan cafe (has loads of plushies)

amusement park

cooking date? (I’m a disaster tho :( )


picnic at the beach!

Skin glowing golden in the warm ember sunlight that bathed them, Mark lay supine on the rustic sepia blanket surrounded by empty tupperware containers as he looked up at the blue-haired boy whose face was hidden behind a familiar bespoke camera.

“You’ve got this whole laid-back vibe going for you Markie. Makes for some very aesthetically pleasing photos” Jaemin’s satisfactory grin lighting up his expression impossibly brighter. “A shame you don’t have an Instagram”

“I prefer to be behind the camera rather than in front” Mark replied, bringing his hands to his eyes to block out the glare of the sun. “I’ve never been much good at being the subject”

The blue-haired boy scoffed in disbelief, lowering the camera in his hands. “Don’t be ridiculous, I could make a whole portfolio of images with you as the subject”

“I never took you for someone with a vested interest in social media” The older boy quirked his eyebrows, secretly relishing the banter between himself and Jaemin.

“Well I never really had time for it until Ten and the others roped me in” Jaemin replied slowly, a weak warm breeze sifting through his silky hair. “Of course it’s not as fun as it initially was” he grimaced.

Of course it wasn’t fun anymore. At some point, what had began as a space to share his thoughts and play around with his friends - as well as maintain some sort of contact with acquaintances - had morphed into a battleground where people fought for him or against him based on their own misconceptions and without stopping to even listen to what he had to say.

No. Rather than a battleground, it was more like a court with people throwing their own opinions and judging every aspect of his life right in front of his nose while still disregarding his feelings.

“Come here” Mark beckoned the younger towards where he lay sprawled on the picnic blanket. He sat up then, arms reaching towards where Jaemin stood a few feet in front of him.

The blue-haired boy softly held Mark’s outstretched hands, letting himself get pulled onto the older’s lap in a warm embrace. The heat and natural stickiness wasn’t ideal but the sentiment in the hug more than made up for it.

*

They had comfortably crossed into the cuddling phase of their relationship (at least Mark liked to consider that they were in an unofficial relationship) during their date at the main branch of the popular Kakao Ryan cafes. Famous for its cute little characters, the cafe boasted an adjoined store full of merch ranging from giant plushies to tiny stickers and erasers that fit on the end of a pencil.

As a result of his natural affinity for plushies and all things soft, Jaemin had migrated from the dessert they shared to the bustling store to “admire” the products on display.

Only that “admire” to Jaemin meant attempting to carry half the store home with him and Mark was too whipped to oppose the younger, only drawing the line when Jaemin clutched at a Ryan doll that was half his size.

“Nana, no” Mark said firmly. “Where are you even gonna fit that? Our dorm room is cramped enough without a flipping dinosaur in it”

“First of all, Ryan is a lion” the blue-haired boy frowned before replacing his scandalised expression with a pout that convinced Mark he had palpitations. “Second of all, he’s soft. He’s a lion with the heart of a lamb. There’s no one like him”

“You” Mark blurted without thinking. “You’re even softer and braver and gentler and even cuter than that bear”

And this time Jaemin had no long sleeves to hide behind so he leaped towards the older, burying his flushed face in the crook of Mark’s neck with his arms clasped around the older’s waist.

“No one’s cuter than Ryan, and he’s a lion” Jaemin babbled into Mark’s neck, voice muffled against the fabric of the older’s hoodie.

Mark hoped upon all hopes that the younger couldn’t feel the blood rushing through his veins or the erratic pulse in his neck (which the younger was currently breathing on) as he circled his own arms around Jaemin. He was painfully aware of how well they fit in each other’s embrace, like a jigsaw puzzle or you know… an enzyme complex?

Either way, Mark knew he had it bad when he found himself recalling forgotten high school biology facts. For once, he stopped overthinking and decided to just feel the moment as they stood in each other’s arms in the honourable presence of the huge Ryan doll and rows and rows of plushies.

Mark learnt three things that day:

Jaemin never backed down when he wanted something; somehow the life-size doll ended up on his bed disguised as a present for him.

He was never going shopping in Gangnam as a student again.

And Jaemin really was the softest existence on the planet.

*

“Why don’t you have any social media?” Jaemin was relaxed against Mark’s chest, idly playing with the latter’s fingers as they watched a family play around with an inflated beach ball at the shore.

“I stopped liking people. I felt like I didn’t click with them you know? I’m not really good at explaining things and it’s sort of a long story”

“Relax Markie” Jaemin pinched his exposed thigh from where his shorts had ridden up slightly. “Just start from the beginning, I’ll listen”

So Mark started from the beginning. From his countless successes through to high school when he got invited to his first proper programme (“oh my gosh I got invited to the same one!! Though I ended up turning it down...” Jaemin had exclaimed), to his activities as the photography club president and high school heartthrob and how he met and subsequently went out with Huang Renjun from the art club:

“All the club leaders and executives had to come together to put something on for the school fair to attract more students to the school. We got partnered up and hit it off pretty quickly. He wasn’t like… how he is now? He was always happy and radiated this energy? Plus our creativity meshed well together and before the fair was over we became an item” Mark reminisced.

“How come you broke up then? If you were so happy together? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to” Jaemin asked softly. He couldn’t for the life of him imagine the Renjun that the older described. But he more than anyone knew how much people could change. Even he’d changed.

“It’s actually nothing serious or dramatic. Towards the end of high school he had to move away with his family and things ended. We were both under pressure with college applications, exams and extracurriculars and all that so we thought long distance wouldn’t really work. It was a peaceful mutual breakup where we decided we’d still be good friends” Mark explained, it had been a while since he’d revisited his memories and it felt good to talk about them, especially to someone he trusted. “Neither of us were good at keeping in contact and we must’ve both gone through some shit since we didn’t really talk after that. My parents became money-sucking leeches and my creative juices started to dry up, the newspapers and social media were having a field day with my fuckups and my so-called friends didn’t care at all. It was like I was in a world where no one understood me so I became closed off and buried myself in photography - but at some point I couldn’t even do that so I ran away abroad to try and wake my skills up again. And then one summer in Germany I met you”

“You’re unbelievably strong Markie and I’m so proud of you” Jaemin spoke softly as he caressed Mark’s hand. “You’re doing amazing and if no one else sees that, be sure that I do. I’m sorry that the people in your life made you feel that way and I hope that my friends and I can show you what it feels like to be understood and cared for”

“Thanks Nana, I don’t mean to be cheesy but you’ve really changed my life for the better and I appreciate you”

“Yeah that was a bit cheesy” the blue-haired boy guffawed as Mark tickled his side in mock annoyance.

That was another development. Mark has graduated from calling the younger ‘Jaem’ to the much more personal ‘Nana’. At first, Mark had been apprehensive after finding out how Jeno used the endearment but Jaemin had insisted. (“I’ve gotten over him and you’re the only one allowed to call me that!! Besides only my friends call me Jaem so maybe you want to stay in the friendzone…”)

“Can I ask you something Nana? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to” Mark asked tentatively once they had calmed down.

“Ask me anything Markie” the younger replied easily.

“Did you really forgive Jeno and his group that easily? I’ve noticed that you tend to be considerate and you pretend your issues don’t exist just so you can focus on others. Did you really just, let go? After everything they did to you?”

Jaemin sighed before adjusting himself on Mark’s lap, angling his face towards the latter. “Now that you’ve asked me, I realise that I don’t think I’ve forgiven them per say. Rather, I just want to wish them out of existence and properly move on. I don’t want grudges or reminders since I’ve already grown as a person. By “forgiving” them, I’m basically shutting that chapter of my life even if deep down I feel they deserve to suffer at least 20% of what I did… does that make me a bad person?”

“Of course not Nana, your feelings are valid and if you ask me, they deserve 100% karma for what they’ve done to you. It’s okay and moving on takes time, you don’t need to force yourself to forgive them. At some point you won’t even remember them anymore but for now, don’t ignore your feelings. If you’re not ready to forgive then don’t. It would be nice to let Xiaojun and Lucas know that you really haven’t forgiven them. They need to learn their lesson properly with the guilt hanging over them for some time”. Mark was running his hands through Jaemin’s blue locks, letting the now cooling breeze flow across his scalp.

“I don’t really want to meet them to be honest, and Jeno is the one that really hurt me anyway”

“Then don’t meet them. Just do whatever you want to do” Mark replied simply. “I can’t believe I’m the one saying this but maybe you should also consider talking to Jeno. I think you both need closure after how messily it went. You don’t have to meet in person, you can do it over the phone. You want to forget everything right? Give Jeno a real piece of your mind, and hear whatever explanation he’s got so at least you know why things happened the way they did. Maybe you’ll realise it had nothing to do with you being inadequate but with Jeno’s own issues”

“Yeah… I think it’s for the best” Jaemin agreed after some thought. Perhaps deep down he also wondered. Wondered why Jeno stopped loving him. Wondered why he chose Renjun. Wondered why he wasn’t enough. But Jaemin feared the unknown sometimes. “Will you come with me? Not to the convo but you could be waiting in a car or something… or just be close by to pick me up and distract me or something…” Jaemin was rambling now.

“I’ll always be there for you Nana. Always”

And maybe it’s because the sun’s orange-red appearance cast a flattering glow on Mark’s tanning skin or because the reflection of the light in Jaemin’s eyes made them shine extra brighter, or the succulent peaches had tinted Jaemin’s lips in appealing pink or the perspiration on Mark’s face made him literally shimmer but they were staring at each other. Jaemin was in Mark’s lap as the sun began to set behind them and Mark’s words hung in the air between them and to each other they looked like the most beautiful creatures on earth. So nature followed its course; their lips gravitated to each other, brushed against each other, and melded together as one.

Jaemin’s mouth was just like him; sweet and refreshing and hot and addictive as any expectations of a chaste kiss shattered in the presence of Mark’s growing attraction to the younger. Jaemin barely put up a fight for dominance, allowing Mark to push his tongue into the younger’s peach-flavoured cavern, his idle hands now exploring the arches of Jaemin’s toned back. Jaemin became more adventurous as he tugged on Mark’s dark brown hair, slyly moving about on Mark’s lap in ways that sent flashes of pleasure straight down to the latter’s core. Mark’s hands had slipped under Jaemin’s baggy white t-shirt (which was actually his), moans echoing into the younger’s mouth when he was momentarily startled by the click of a camera shuttle.

The sneaky shit Jaemin detached his bruised lips from the older’s and climbed off his lap, brandishing Mark’s own camera in victory, completely uninterested in the fact that he’d left the latter blue-balled.

“Way to ruin the mood” the brunette grumbled as he made to cover his growing hardness with a section of the picnic blanket.

“The scenery was so beautiful as we made out, I couldn’t not take a picture” the blue-haired boy grinned wickedly, eyes bouncing in delight.

“Fuck”

And Jaemin laughed in his face, and Mark couldn’t stay mad.

Markmin endgame

puppy cafe I found on insta

namsan tower?

skate park (but I don’t know how to skate??)

kakao ryan cafe (has loads of plushies)

amusement park

cooking date? (I’m a disaster tho :( )

picnic at the beach!

operation markmin

jiwoo

everything's in place

ten

dude i popped over

it looks amazing

jiwoo

ryujin and i are leaving now

when do you want us to come back?

uhhh maybe after nana comes

or before?

or you could come together?

i'm so nervous, what if this fails

hendery

breathe mark

there's no way this will fail

you're practically dating without an official label

yangyang

true

you two are gross fr fr

you guys should all go first

when you get there i'll bring jaem over

ten

i guess we can safely assume that this gc will dissolve today 👀

Trying not to hyperventilate, Mark paced up and down the lit hallway in his fitted suit, regretting not going for a simpler surprise. Ironic how he hated the spotlight and the media and yet reporters were milling about out front at his request. Well not really at his request; he’d signed the forms and the press was a sort of added perk.

A familiar brunette entered his line of sight, approaching him with sure, unhurried steps and an amiable grin on his face. “You alright Mark Lee?”

Donghyuck was probably the person he knew least in his wingman group chat. They got along relatively well whenever they came in contact although they weren’t objectively close.

Ten had created the group on a whim and subsequently added all his best friends as well as Jiwoo. While feeling apprehensive, Mark didn’t mind as much since he knew them all and they knew Jaemin very well. It came along as a surprise when Yangyang added an unknown number that didn’t seem to know either half of Markmin even if he claimed to be an acquaintance of the blue-haired boy.

Evidently, Mark’s wariness about Donghyuck wasn't ungrounded as the others were just as skeptical. The latter was friends with Jeno and Renjun after all. But they trusted Yangyang and Donghyuck turned out to be one of the greatest helps in forwarding Markmin’s progress. Even if Jaemin had no clue about it.

“I feel sick to my stomach but otherwise I feel great Hyuck” Mark replied, the conversation distracting him from pacing as he finally came to a halt at the younger’s side.

“You’ll feel even greater if you stopped panicking and finally let everyone in” Donghyuck said, maintaining his grin. “Listen, there’s nothing to worry about. This is your element. You don’t even need to work hard, just be yourself”

Deflating as the tension bottled up inside him started to deep out, Mark took a deep breath. “You’re right Hyuck. I can do this”

“Of course you can” Donghyuck beamed. “Besides, I’m running out of ideas to stall them”

“Yeah you can let them in now” Mark didn’t even know the tan boy’s motive for his vested interest in bringing him and Jaemin together but

“Fighting” Donghyuck raised his hand for a fist bump, only to clap Mark on the back with a cheeky smirk, leaving Mark’s lonely fist hanging in the air.

Chuckling lightly as the younger turned on his polished heel back towards the front room of the gallery, Mark turned to his phone which had just vibrated with a notification.

operation markmin

hyuck

okay bring Jaemin now

wish you all the best mark lee

At that moment, Mark looked up to meet Donghyuck’s eyes just before the latter fully exited the long corridor. The younger boy had just gotten to the end before turning to send a last encouraging glance to him.

In the short time he’d known Donghyuck, he’d become a valuable friend.

 

 

“I still don’t get why I’m getting into a suit and you’re making me nervous Liu Yangyang”

Convincing Jaemin to get out of bed was proving to be much more challenging than Yangyang had estimated. Well how was he to know that the former had “three essays all turned in by 2 a.m.” and that he just wanted to sleep? What did I expect when he signed up to be a wingman for free?

“The others are already there, you can’t be late to your own event!” Yangyang was pacing up and down the length of his best friend’s room, watching the blue-haired boy grumble his way into his freshly dry cleaned jacket (courtesy of Yangyang).

“I don’t remember scheduling any event for today other than having a lie-in” Jaemin was fiddling with his hair now in front of his mirror. “I want to go back to black now” he muttered to no one in particular before straightening up. “You know you could just tell me, if one of your relatives is getting married”

“If that’ll get you to hurry up then yes my relative is getting married” Yangyang huffed impatiently as he scrolled through his phone. “Johnny’s waiting outside with his car”

Knowing that he couldn’t argue with the smaller brunette, Jaemin resigned to his fate as he followed Yangyang out of the house.

Sitting in the back, Jaemin didn’t miss the knowing glance Johnny and Yangyang exchanged. He wasn’t a fool (at least he hoped not), he figured the event had something to do with Mark since they’d all been acting strange and had suddenly gotten all buddy buddy with him.

Jaemin was pleased at the development, things had been going so well with Mark and he felt disappointed after their seventh date; those dates had sweetened the last few weeks and had given him the sort of happiness he’d never really experienced.

Despite this happiness, Jaemin was scared. He and Mark both knew that they were on the verge of progressing into an official relationship, but Jaemin had gotten too comfortable in the “no labels” phase that he’d only realised he hadn’t been in a proper relationship since Jeno. He couldn’t hang in a blissful limbo forever, he knew that. He knew Mark was bound to ask him out, and that he’d say yes. But somehow the event he was headed to, in a semi-formal attire with all his friends waiting, terrified him.

 

Johnny pulled up to a relatively empty parking lot belonging to what seemed like a gallery. The bright capri sky contrasted with the obsidian modern building he led Jaemin and Yangyang towards.

“Aren’t we going in through the front?” Yangyang asked the oldest in confusion as they made for a nondescript single entry door.

“Too many people” Johnny replied simply as he keyed in the passcode, stepping back as the door swung open.

Too many people? No wonder Jaemin could hear the low buzz of chatter arising from the other side of the building.

Yangyang seemed to pick up on the blue-haired boy’s nervousness as he grinned wickedly before nudging Johnny. They were now inside a narrow dark corridor with yet another door in front and still Jaemin didn’t have a clue what was going on.

Turns out he didn’t even need to ask because Johnny whipped out a laminated brochure and stuffed it into Jaemin’s hand. “Welcome to yours and Mark’s exhibition” and with that, he and Yangyang bolted out the door they just came through.

“Wait where are you guys going?” Jaemin called after them, perplexed. He could feel panic building up in his veins.

“To the front! See you at the end!”

 

sehnsucht.

The brochure was headed with the German word for nostalgia, italicised in an elegant, flowy font.

By Na Jaemin and Mark Lee.

 

Jaemin took a deep breath before pushing open the door in front of him.

He was in yet another corridor, except that the walls were studded with little spotlights above and below each frame. Upon closer inspection, Each square frame lining the monotone walls was actually a photograph with a little plaque beneath it. The plaque bore only a number which Jaemin figured corresponded to a note in the brochure.

1

noon. first meetings. the image of a photographer through the lens of his own camera.

The picture framed caused the blue-haired boy a sharp intake of breath. When he’d first really spoken to Mark, he’d had hideous orange hair and he took a photo of him in the studio, and he’d called Mark handsome.

The photo was in black-and-white, only making it seem like Germany had happened even longer ago. Like a distant memory. Nostalgia, huh.

All the other photos in the hall (not corridor, Jaemin quickly noted) were also monochrome, and Jaemin sort of wanted to sob. So many of the pictures evoked feelings of poignant sadness, of longing, yet a tinge of sweetness.

There were also photos Jaemin never realised Mark had taken: Jaemin dancing outside Brandenburg gate at night, the ugly scarves they’d laughed at on display in a shop window, their entwined hands on the cool sand of the gay beach, even Jaemin’s coffee-stained sweater! trust Mark Lee to be able to make coughed out coffee look aesthetic.

Turning left at the end of the hallway, Jaemin was faced with yet another hall, this one wider, with fewer and bigger frames lined up on deep maroon walls. The photos were sepia coloured now, and the plaque beneath the frame closest to him read

31

dusk. missing home. suitcases and new beginnings

Jaemin recognised their dorm room in the photo, feeling a pang when he realised he hadn’t been back for a while now. Funny how the small dorm which was initially an escape room, now felt like home. In the picture, Jaemin was wrapped in his duvet with the lights from the open blinds streaming across his face and Mark’s suitcases (which he’d hurt his toe with the night before) which lay haphazardly on the floor.

There were only six other photos in this hall, all sepia coloured like the browning well-worn pages of old books. They were all representative of his time with Mark in Korea when they were in a sort of awkward phase. The last photo was at Taeil’s Tasty Treats the night things went awry. The picture captured the drinks Mark had ordered for the both of them.

The next hall was smaller, and oval shaped, causing Jaemin to wonder at the architecture of the building. The spotlights were ditched for fluorescent beams which shone UV light on the two large frames which sat opposite each other on the velvety walls. These photos were Jaemin’s photos too, one of Mark putting trays of cookies into the oven, and another of their hands held above them on a rollercoaster.

According to the brochure, these photos were numbers 38 and 39, limbo. finding home. home is where the heart lies, or the hands too.

Jaemin was at the bottom of the brochure now. Only photo number 40 remained, and there was one ornate door at the end of the hall.

This time, Jaemin boldly strode towards the door with zero hesitation, enclosing his hand around the cold metal handle before pulling the door open.

 

The largest room of all was awash with light. Natural light shone through the huge airy windows and was amplified by the studio lights in the room. It was empty yet warm and inviting, like a brand new colouring book.

One large photo hung suspended on two golden beams with a plaque beneath it reading

40

dawn. defining home. funny how only the first and last photos were taken by the same camera.

photo 1 shows just Mark with Jaemin behind the camera and photo 40 shows Mark portrayed by Jaemin again, only this time with Jaemin in the photo too. I think this is what growth is.

The centrepiece hanging up in its unabashed glory caused Jaemin to look away and bite back a choke. It was the only photo with full bright unadulterated colour. A tan glowing Jaemin was entwined with Mark on a rustic picnic blanket with the setting sun behind them as they made out to the sound of the ebbing tide against the cerulean sky.

“I call it Entwined Roses” A familiar voice rang through the hall from behind Jaemin. The blue-haired boy whipped around to see the older brunette in a flattering suit.

Markie

And suddenly Mark returned to being his former awkward fumbling self in the presence of the younger. “I k-kinda entered us in f-for a professional exhibition competition thing and I thought it would be a good war to like show you my feelings and actually now that I think about it it’s over the top and I’d totally understand if you-”

Jaemin cut off Mark’s babbling when he jumped into the latter’s arms, legs crossing behind his back as he engulfed Mark’s lips in a less than chaste kiss. He must’ve cried a bit too because suddenly Mark was dabbing at his cheeks softly as they broke apart.

“Nana” Mark spoke so tenderly, making sure the younger’s eyes were on him before he continued. “I really like you. I think I even love you but we still have years to get there so please don’t feel pressured. I want to cherish and protect you and treat you like the precious angel you are. I want to kiss all your scars better till they disappear, I want to erase all your bad memories and replace them with only good and happy ones. There’s never a dull moment with you and honestly you’re a blessing to my life. Can I be yours and can I call you mine?”

The blue-haired boy gazed at the older boy in front of him through his long dark lashes with tears still caught on them. Jaemin’s eyes were bright and wet as he looked into Mark’s warm chocolate irises. In that moment, Jaemin felt like he was so filled to the brim with euphoria and love and trust for the older that he feared he’d burst. “I’d love that Markie” he whispered before flinging himself into his boyfriend’s embrace.

Instantly the doors burst open as their friends and other visitors flooded into the hall with congratulations on their lips accompanied with thundering applause and wolf whistles and cheers.

“Fucking finally!” Ten hollered proudly as he led the group into collapsing on top of the new couple in a mock hug.

After all the bumps in their journey, Jaemin and Mark really had found their home.

 

 

 

The grey and black lines had become smudged with the tears that dropped onto it like the drizzle of weak rainfall. The newspaper in his hands heralded the award winning exhibition with headlines: “Sehnsucht: A story of a relationship aging much like fine wine” sitting atop a photo of Jaemin and Mark standing with sunny smiles and bright eyes in front of their exhibition centrepiece, surrounded by their friends including Donghyuck.

Jaemin and Mark. It had always been Jaemin and Jeno, Jeno and Jaemin, Nana and Dotori, Jenoya and Jaeminnie. But now it wasn’t.

Notes:

this isn’t the end!! there’s still loose ends left to tie but wow!! we’re almost there @.@

thoughts?

as usual, leave them in the comments or in a cc

Chapter 16

Notes:

okay so this took a while to come out, i was (and i'm still) in the middle of my exams

hot sauce cb!! dreamies achievements!! i've been screaming on twitter
i'm so so proud of them. i don't think i could be happier than i am right now (>~<)

as for this chapter, it's quite heavy imo so maybe take this as a heads up? especially in the renmin scene (tw: references to abuse)

as usual this isn't edited so let me know about serious errors (like if write jeno instead of mark... if you know you know ;) )
when i'm done with my exams, i'll edit both the first part and this one properly @.@

enjoy~

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Junnie

we need to talk

can we?

ok

 

Body feeling like lead, the blonde dragged himself out of his suffocating duvet and into his shared bathroom with laboured breaths. His head swirled with dizziness as he gripped the sink to steady himself. Head seemingly ten times heavier than his body, the blonde struggled to look up into the mirror before him as he took in his appearance.

He looked like shit.

His naturally slight frame had sunken into itself as he stood with his shrunken shoulders and pallid skin. Grey rings miserably encircled his tired eyes. His hair was starting to look like straw and his head hurt, his back hurt, his heart hurt, everything hurt.

He hadn’t been himself for a while, but this was far from even his persona. No matter the occasion, he always maintained his appearance without slipping. But here he was, not taking his vitamins, not caring to brush his hair, not bothering whether he ate regularly despite his roommate leaving him food in the fridge.

He was lost. He was listless. He hated everyone. He hated himself. He wanted to scream at his shell of a reflection but he couldn’t even do that.

His throat itched. It burned. It was clogging up; with unsaid words, repressed feelings and grudges which festered and threatened to rip through his already fragile frame. He was choking, choking on the negative energy he kept around him, choking on his unadmitted fears.

Sick of the repeated rhythm of his unattractive heaving breaths, the blonde turned on the tap; the sound of the water running into the ceramic sink covered up his breathing. But it wasn’t enough. So he turned the tap on full blast, watching the little droplets of water hit the sink and spray out around the bathroom.

Not enough. He turned the shower on full blast, the sound of water flooding out the sound of his breaths, the beat of his heart, his entire existence. He wanted to completely disappear in the rivulets of water.

“Renjun? Renjun!”

A honey-skinned boy leapt into the bathroom in alarm, quickly turning the taps off before swinging towards his roommate.

“Hyuck” Renjun coughed hoarsely. “I feel like throwing up”

Donghyuck carefully led the blonde boy to the toilet, tightening his grip on the latter when he hung his head above the bowl to empty the contents of his stomach.

Retching provided no solace to Renjun as he had no food in his stomach, only saliva came out of his mouth to Donghyuck’s horror.

“Renjun-ah, Renjun-ah stop now before you puke your guts out” The brunette instructed, rubbing calming circles on the blonde’s back. “Breathe in and out while I get you water”

Arriving at the kitchen, Donghyuck let out a stifled sob. He’d always been aware that his best friend wasn’t okay, but nothing he’d done had ever helped. He didn’t know what to do anymore. All he wanted was Renjun’s happiness.

For once, I beg karma to be lenient with Renjun.

Renjun was now leaning against the wall, looking completely shattered. He was unmoving, except for when he rinsed his mouth with the water Donghyuck provided, and when he drank some. Donghyuck waited patiently for the older to be ready to talk, taking a seat on the tiled floor of the bathroom.

“Jeno’s going to break up with me” the blonde whispered solemnly, punctuating the silence.

Donghyuck tried to maintain a neutral expression. A sharp and sudden bout of self-loathing hit him before dissipating. Truthfully, he had many regrets and he wanted to atone for his mistakes, repairing whatever he could.

He’d considered helping Jaemin and Mark get together as an obligation. After all, he was responsible for getting Renjun and Jeno together in the first place.

Well maybe it was a bit unfair to put it that way.

*

At some point, Jaemin had stopped coming with Jeno to parties and the like, and it was a shame. Donghyuck really liked the pinkette (because at the time he’d had the loveliest shade of pink hair) whose radiant personality warmed everyone’s hearts on the darkest of days. Jeno had implied that they’d broken up and didn’t correct anyone who assumed so. Donghyuck wasn’t particularly close to Jeno at the time, so he didn’t press any further.

Thanks to his outgoing personality, it only took a little more than a week between attending parties and sharing classes for Donghyuck to become good friends with Lee Jeno. Thinking it would do the older a lot of good to socialise more, he had convinced Renjun to come to this bash where he could meet his “awesome new friend Jeno” and they would “get along so well”.

With his best friend now getting close to his new friend, it didn’t take long for Jeno to be given the bestie badge. But time had passed, and Donghyuck had forgotten to ask about Jaemin.

Until he happened to come across the younger while he was out with his underclassman. Jaemin now had baby blue hair, and he’d lost the vigour and brightness in his eyes, and Donghyuck couldn’t even ask what was wrong, because they had faded into acquaintances.

Donghyuck had never had a reason to suspect or question his best friends’ budding relationship; his relegation to third wheel was his greatest concern. But Jaemin’s words were troubling, and his friends seemed to be doing a very terrible thing.

Yet he did nothing about it. Other than advising Jeno to properly break up with the blue-haired boy.

Donghyuck was no longer going to be a bystander, and he was going to get Jaemin his happiness too.

*

“Jeno’s going to break up with me”

Donghyuck felt like punching Jeno, because how does one person manage to fuck up two people in a row??. It was bad enough that Renjun had an aversion to attachment, Donghyuck felt that the raven-haired boy had broken the blonde boy for good. Renjun was probably never going to have faith in a proper relationship again (though he could argue that the couple were never in a proper relationship to begin with).

However, Donghyuck knew that Jeno was doing the right thing. Whatever they had going between them was toxic and was only eating them up inside like a debilitating disease.

“Did he really say that? You don’t know that” Donghyuck spoke slowly, not wanting to set off the smaller boy.

“I do know that. I may be sad but I’m not an idiot” Renjun retorted irritably.

“Junnie…” Donghyuck started. “Don’t you think breaking up would be for the best? Your relationship with Jeno is more than a little unhealthy. You need a break”

“Easy for you to say now that you’ve found new friends” Renjun spat coldly. “You’re all smiles and happiness, how could you even pretend to understand me? If I lose Jeno I’ll be all alone

Smarting at the painful words dripping from his best friend’s lips, Donghyuck sat wordlessly listening to everything Renjun had to say as the latter got progressively angrier. If I’m hurting this much, I can only imagine how much he’s hurting.

“Why me? Why is it always me?? What did I do wrong???” Renjun was shouting now and Donghyuck was trying so hard not to cry. “This shitty world is so unfair! Why did Jeno say he loved me when he didn’t? Why did he go back to Jaemin? Why does everyone talk about him like a victim when he gets all the good things?? I’m the one suffering the most and no one bats an eyelash! I hate him so much. I loathe him. I despise him. I abhor him. I hate Na Jaemin, I hate myself and I fucking hate my miserable life!

Donghyuck watched. Watched as bitter anger faded into disconsolate sadness. Watched the blonde dash into their twin room. Watched him break his precious candle collection, his glass ballet figurines, his moomin piggy bank. Watched as he broke.

Renjun had reduced himself to the vitriolic sobs that once again racked his weak frame as he collapsed in the middle of the room.

In seconds, Donghyuck’s arms were around the older, holding him tightly so he wouldn’t disappear on him. Renjun was choking on his tears, coughing and spluttering as he shook.

“Huang Renjun you idiot” Donghyuck’s mellow tone gave no indication to the tears pooling in his own eyes. “You’ll never be alone. You’ve got me. I’m here for you, always have been. You don’t need Jeno to define your worth - heck you don’t need anyone to define your worth. I don’t know what happened to you in the past but I trust you’ll tell me when you’re ready, but please, let me help you”

The blonde and the brunette didn’t know how long they spent on the floor in the middle of their room amidst the debris formed by the shards of glass and ceramic littered around them.

At some point, Renjun’s wails had subsided when he spoke again, voice even scratchier than earlier, and everything swollen: red-rimmed eyes, stuffy nose and overused vocal cords. “What do I do?”

“You’re going to talk to Jeno. I’ll take you and I’ll wait for you in the car. If it doesn’t go well we can go watch a movie or eat or something after”

“Thanks, Hyuck”

 

 

Spending the past week wallowing in self-pity had given Jeno the time to actually listen to the constantly suppressed feelings that were resurfacing. He had withdrawn into himself in the solitary confines of his currently minimalist apartment void of colour and warmth. Gone were the dainty flowers that sat elegantly in their hand-painted vases; they had wilted long ago with no one bothered to tend them. Gone was the high-end stand mixer that stood proudly on their kitchen tabletop, and the unreasonably expensive coffee machine; no one else he knew could bake the cookies he was ever so partial to, and his friends were more inclined to a chilled beer than caffeine in a mug.

Speaking of mugs, Jeno had made a half-assed attempt at baking those mug cakes he happened to come across on his youtube recommended because they looked easy to make. Just like everything else in his life as of recent, Jeno had managed to explode the mug, as well as the next two mugs, leading Jeno to ponder over why he was trying so hard and a few minutes later he had come to the unfortunate conclusion that maybe, just maybe he missed the wafting aroma of cookie dough and sizzling pancakes and raspberry tarts that welcomed him home the few times he came back.

Wasn't it funny how his once in a blue moon visits to the apartment felt more like returning home than now when he properly lived there?

Maybe it was Jaemin that made their formerly shared apartment a home.

How had things soured between them? Was the excuse of freedom to live like his fraternity brothers really enough to cruelly cut off his long-standing relationship with Jaemin who was the only constant in his life? Deep down he knew it was more than that. More than the shallow reasons he revealed on social media. They didn't deserve the truth anyway, but Jaemin did.

A week's worth of contemplation - a sort of date with his emotions, he reasoned, had brought him to the precipice of his anagnorisis; his realisation, his understanding, of the turbulence in his heart. Whether to take a courageous leap off the cliff face that was his feelings or to run back to his nonchalant facade with his tail between his legs, it was his call to make.

Jaemin had clearly moved on; the blue-haired beauty had taken off flying (talk less of a running leap), leaving it to dawn on Jeno that actually Donghyuck was right, he had been holding his ex-boyfriend back.

Surprising himself, while he couldn't bring himself to like Mark Lee, he found himself relieved that he hadn't completely ruined Jaemin's chances at his desired future. Because after revelling in the bitterness of Jaemin being happy without him, with somebody else he had come to terms with the fact that he felt less miserable when the younger had a genuine smile on his face.

And with that, Jeno had come up with a firm resolution.
Nervously, Jeno perched on the sofa which suddenly seemed to wide now that there was nobody to share it with, nobody to wrap in his arms while watching some dumb movie.

With a sigh, the raven-haired boy tried to loosen up, to mask his desire to call off any confrontation, to appear confident and anything unlike the bundle of fear and heartbreak and loneliness he truly was on the inside.

At exactly 2 p.m., a sharp ring punctuated the cavernous silence as Jeno jumped to his feet to let Renjun in. The latter had always been such a stickler for time, Jeno wasn't quite sure why he was surprised at the older's prompt arrival.

Before Jeno could get there, the front door had already swung open to reveal his shorter lover who had Jeno's spare keys dangling from his tiny hands. It had been a while since their row over text and he hadn't seen Renjun ever since, he'd forgotten the older possessed the keys to his apartment since he hadn't swung by like he used to - not that Jeno had wanted him to drop by anyway.

“I only rang the bell to be polite” Renjun smiled lightly, his strained smile coming out more like a grimace than anything else.

Wincing internally at the blonde boy’s frail appearance, Jeno was once again hit by the realisation that he'd made Renjun like this. He was the one that wrecked him and led him on with whispers of meaningless “I love you”s into the older's pink-tinged ears. He made Renjun believe in the idea that they were more than they ever were, that their relationship was legitimate.

Heart plummeting, Jeno was faced with the realisation that he'd broken two lovers.

As expected, everything I touch seems to disintegrate in my hands.

Sensing that Jeno was going to take a while to speak, Renjun took a seat before clearing his throat. “Let's not beat about the bush Jeno. You called me here to break up with right? Decent of you not to do it over text like I expected you to” he sniffed.

Eyes widening slightly, Jeno followed suit and sank into the sofa. He thought the older would be slightly more… hysterical? “Wait I have something to say”

“So you did call me here to break up with me” the blonde chuckled mirthlessly. “For a second I almost hoped you didn't. But who am I kidding, there's nothing salvageable about our relationship”

“Renjun-”

“Oh so it's Renjun now? I guess Junnie is too much to ask for" He interrupted coldly, his tone chilling Jeno's bones and making him wish he were anywhere else. Renjun had always been aloof but his blase way of speaking in general was nothing compared to how he spoke now. The shorter boy was like a shell of himself; he was all hollowed out, and it was Jeno's fault.

“Renjun I want to apologise”

The blonde scoffed in response. “You can’t be serious. Why are you dragging this out? Just give it to me straight if you’re breaking up with me or not so I can leave. Don’t you dare use me for some floppy redemption arc”

Jeno held his head up, maintaining eye contact with Renjun. After months of being together, he knew when the smaller was putting on a tough front to hide his vulnerability. The Renjun sitting across him right then just wanted to run away, and Jeno was not going to let him go without speaking his mind.

“Listen to me please, I’ll make it quick, just let me know that you’re listening” Jeno paused until he saw the older give a noncommittal grunt of assent. “I’ve been a dick”

“Great observation Einstein”

Jeno gave the blonde a pointed look before continuing. “We agreed to have a relationship with no attachment, but you and I both knew when it started to become more than that yet we carried on like it was nothing. I’m sorry for leading you on with my thoughtless words and actions. I thought I could speak those words into real life, that if I told you “I love you” enough I really would. But I was just running away. I shouldn’t have used you, I shouldn’t have turned you into a cheater or treated you like dirt. I was selfish and I don’t claim to be a saint now, I just want to make things right”

“And throwing away my feelings for you is making things right?” Renjun asked scathingly. In contrast to his lashing tone, he looked diminished and fragile, his natural glow dimmed in the shadows of pain ghosting his expression.

“No, but telling you the truth and letting you go is” Jeno spoke softly. “Being together is subjecting us to hell and endless misery. It’s better to part and heal our wounds, and to reflect on our actions and the people we brought pain to. It’s karma and we need to accept it, our relationship is toxic and a result of an illicit affair”

“Reflect? Reflect on what? Spare me the bs Lee Jeno” Renjun spat witheringly. “I’m sick and tired of drowning in my own thoughts where I'm always the bad guy, always the one at fault. Why the sudden change Jeno? You knew we were cheating at the time so why do you suddenly care?

Because I want to change” Jeno was exasperated because Renjun was just so difficult. “I feel like shit. Admit it, you do too. Aren’t you tired of living like this, of looking happy and carefree on the outside while being miserable inside? Aren’t you sick of seeing everyone else around you grow and become happier while you’re stuck in an endless cycle of hate, all left behind? Doesn’t running away exhaust you? Why are you so afraid of change?

Each and every word that dropped out of Jeno’s mouth targeted Renjun like a missile. Because he was so so right but the blonde would be the last to admit that. He hated that the one person who was ripping his heart to shreds was the one that surprisingly understood him the most. In their farce of a relationship, nothing was false about what they learned about each other. They both harboured a darkness within them and their being together only helped their shadows grow. Jeno wanted out, he wanted freedom. But Renjun? Renjun wasn’t as bold as the raven-haired boy. He had grown used to the shackles of despondency and was afraid of breaking free, afraid of facing himself, afraid of letting go of the darkness that served as his only company.

Right now, Jeno was offering him a hand - to face themselves and shed themselves of negativity, and Renjun had the choice to change or run away. And he had already made up his mind. “Let’s end this here Lee Jeno. It was fun while it lasted, goodbye.” What was the point in “changing for the better”? He was already too far gone. Whatever Jeno was feeling or had gone through couldn’t compare to his own sorrows. There was no way he’d admit to hurting others when no one admitted to hurting him.

Rising to his feet, the blonde walked towards the door, dropping the spare keys to Jeno’s apartment in the raven-haired boy’s lap. “I won’t be needing them anymore. If I left anything behind here, you can keep it or burn it - whichever you fancy” Renjun hated the twinge in his heart when he noticed his now most recent ex’ face fall. He hated that he still cared so much for someone that didn’t like him back. He wanted to let the guilt rip through Jeno so the latter wouldn’t forget about him in a hurry.

“Love how you kept me around until you were sure you weren’t getting Jaemin back”

Jaeminie

hi jaeminie ^^

hey hyung (>~<)/

could i possibly ask you for a huge and difficult favour? 🙏

and please could you also say yes? 😭🙏🙏

well i can't say yes if you don't tell me what this favour is...

i'm really asking for a lot here, but i hope you factor in the fact that i let you have everything for free...

...

hyung

but i work for you!! are you really blackmailing me? 😔

on a scale of 1-10 how difficult is this favour?

dw dw i'm not forcing you!!

i'd say about 10000 so i totally understand if you refuse

but if you consider saying yes, you'd be doing not just me but my family a huge huge favour

hyung!! that's so unfair of you to put it like that

just tell me what it is

let's start by calling it an emergency intervention...

Stepping out of his dorm onto campus main grounds for the first time since his breakup a week ago, Renjun couldn’t help but sigh bitterly. The weather was picture-perfect as the vivid green grass littered with clusters of daisies basked joyfully in the warm glow of the sun which beamed down upon him. It was one of those days when everyone’s day seemed a tad better because suddenly lectures weren’t as tasking and professors weren’t as demanding and spending ten thousand won on coffee and a proper brunch wasn’t didn’t seem as financially draining as usual. Students hung in their circles with their laptops and speakers out, smiling and filling ther air with sonorous chatter. The inner artist in him wanted to capture the scene.

The inner artist in him wanted to capture the scene on canvas and then dash it with coarse black paint because he felt bleak and wanted the rest of the world to feel bleak with him. Was that too much to ask? Their happiness and the weather that contrasted with his innermost feelings felt like mockery, like a slap to the face.

Renjun wished for the heavens to open up and scatter the social gatherings with pelting rain and cacophonous thunder. He wanted lightning to pierce the bright blue sky and rip it in half. He wanted everyone including himself to be drenched in an outpour with the acid rain leaching the soil and the smell of petrichor to permeate the air.

He especially wanted that delicious looking subway to be snatched away from that sleepy-eyed boy by a stray dog or something. How dare he be able to fall asleep when Renjun only got four hours on a good day, what with the onset of his insomnia.

With an intense hatred for the world and for people circulating in his veins rather than blood, Renjun entered the familiar cafe in his typical foul mood he’d grown accustomed to as of late. He made quick strides to the counter which Kun was cleaning.

“Good morning Junnie” the older greeted amiably. “You’re quite early for your shift, wanna grab a seat and a coffee maybe?”

“No I’m not here to stay Kun ge. I want to quit”

Kun didn’t even bat an eyelash as he meticulously wiped down the counter. “Why? I need a valid reason before I let someone quit without notice”

“I have other commitments” The blonde huffed irritably.

“Hmm…” Kun pretended to consider the younger’s excuse for a minute before sending him a smile that roughly translated to “you must be kidding”. “Not good enough didi

“Please don’t call me that” Renjun winced. “I only started working because I needed the money but now I don’t anymore. Happy now?”

“No not really” Kun replied smoothly. “I know you’re running away from your problems again so I don’t think I’ll let you leave”

“And what gives you the right??” Renjun was trying to keep his unruly emotions at bay so he wouldn’t explode at the older.

“My status as your cousin and your closest family I believe” Kun answered easily. “If you want to quit that badly, I’ve got one condition to be met”

“So are you gonna tell me what it is or…?” The blonde had endured enough bullshit by people he hadn’t even interacted with, he was not about to have his lousy day ruined by his annoyingly meddlesome cousin.

“I don’t know the full details of what went down between you and Jaemin because I don’t listen to campus gossip, but I won’t let you quit until you’ve talked to him”

Renjun let out a low shaky breath. “Of course you don’t listen to campus gossip, yet you’ve sided with Na Jaemin already”

“Don’t be silly, I wouldn’t take sides when my two little brothers are involved”

“Even when I slept with his boyfriend while aware they were still dating and made his life hell? You won’t take sides? Lying doesn't suit you” Renjun’s eyes flashed as if challenging the older boy. The day was bullshit, it was like the entire universe was against him.

But Kun was unfazed. “I’m doing this for your sake. You’ve both experienced tough times and I’ve been there enough to see that you two are uncannily similar and yet different in more ways than one. I just can’t seem to put my finger on it…” Kun sighed before stowing the cleaning cloth away. “I feel like you would have both been really good friends in another dimension or something, best friends maybe. Anyway the point is that Jaemin seems to have already healed - or at least is almost there. He’s picked himself up, put on his bandaid and continued playing. You on the other hand, have yet to get off the ground and I believe he can show you how”

Unamused, angry even, Renjun stared down his older cousin and superior. “You think he’s better than me, don’t you?” Finally Kun reacted to the blonde’s cold remarks. He hadn’t expected Renjun to arrive at such a conclusion. “You’re working to get me my karma too haha I should have known. The boyfriend-stealing slut gets help from the victim he bullied, makes a great title for a forum post, all to make Na Jaemin all the more lovable and Huang Renjun all the more detestable. You know what? Fuck you. You want me to speak to Na Jaemin? I’ll say a few things alright and then i’m out of here”.

And with that, Renjun found himself turning on his heel once more to retire to the recesses of his bed in his dorm room. And it still wasn’t raining.

Jaeminie

you know the rating on the scale you gave me?

forget 10000, it’s 1000000000000/10

When his phone had lit up with notifications from Kun pleading with him to talk to Renjun, Jaemin had been relaxed in Mark’s arms as the latter forced him to abandon his kdrama in favour of About Time, a movie he loved so much.

Jaemin had protested indignantly, “We’ve watched this like three times in the past week! I don’t know why you think watching this old film one more time is better than watching the trending drama, shouldn’t you be more supportive towards the works of your country instead of these white folk??”

“About Time is a timeless classic and you can’t compare it to your shoddy plotless kdramas. Aren’t you sick of the cliches and mediocrity? I think there’s a reason why more and more idols are being cast rather than trained actors; it’s less about being able to act and more about who can bring more attention to a lacklustre script. The visuals of the idol-actors are enjoyed rather than the production itself. That’s why I don’t like kdramas” Mark rounded off as Jaemin pulled faces at him.

“You don’t sound smart Markie, you sound super judgemental” Jaemin began. “Obviously not all kdrama productions are good, but it’s the same in every industry. You do not have the right to condemn kdramas if you haven’t at least seen Sky Castle, such dramas discuss social issues relevant to us. Besides some people actually enjoy cliches you know? Genres exist for a reason, you just have to find the one you like. Plus Penthouse is decades better than any classic”

The light-hearted discourse had ended with Jaemin falling half-asleep to the voices droning in a foreign language, eyes simply too tired to keep up with the subtitles. He was content in that moment; the safety and comfort of Mark’s presence, the warmth of the blanket they cuddled under on Jaemin’s bed and the intimacy of watching a film together on Mark’s laptop.

Nana, someone is texting you” Mark nudged his pretty boyfriend who only yawned adorably in response. “It might be urgent you know?”

The older didn’t even realise how he’d completely tuned out of whatever was playing on screen as he watched his blue-haired boyfriend fire away rapidly on his phone, drowsiness vanishing completely. And maybe just maybe he was slightly jealous of whoever was taking Jaemin’s attention away from him.

“Babe” he called out, even though he had nothing relevant to say. But Jaemin seemed to understand him as he nuzzled against him with a cheeky smile.

“There’s no need to get all hot and bothered Markie, it’s just Kun hyung from TTT”

“Oh you don’t have to explain to me…” Mark started, feeling a little guilty. Wait, I promised to be more honest. “Okay I was jealous okay” He blurted out, looking towards the laptop screen, his unmistakably reddening ears failing to go unnoticed by the younger boy.

“Awww Markie you’re the cutest” Jaemin squealed delightfully, finding joy in the way the brunette reacted to his teasing.

“What does he want anyway?” Mark grumbled, still not meeting Jaemin’s eyes.

“He wants me to talk to Renjun” Jaemin replied, a bit of the glimmer in his eyes dulling.

“What?” Mark asked incredulously. “How could he do that, fully aware of what he put you through?? Should I go talk to him?”

“No no no, Kun hyung wasn’t being rude or pushy, he wants me to consider” Jaemin assured his boyfriend, internally sighing in relief when he felt the tension dissipate. “He says that Renjun wasn’t always like this, but he went through something that warped him and he hasn’t been the same ever since. He won’t listen to anyone or go for therapy and Kun believes that I can help”

“Hmmm…” Mark pondered. “It’s true that he’s completely changed from the person I knew back in high school, but it doesn’t excuse his actions towards you. Ultimately, it all depends on whether you want to talk to him or not”

“I don’t know Markie…” Jaemin breathed out. “I’m human and I’ve obviously been wishing for karma to give him the biggest “fuck you” but it doesn’t exactly give me pleasure to watch someone run themselves into the ground when I know I can help. Hyuck has mentioned in passing how bad of a shape he’s in right now and he’s very afraid of losing his best friend. If Renjun decides to take extreme measures in the future, the pain of guilt will far outweigh the pain of the heartbreak because it’s a life we’re talking about here”

“You shouldn’t have to feel guilty for not wanting to associate with someone that hurt you badly. He’s not your responsibility Nana and I don’t want to see you sacrificing yourself for someone else again”

Jaemin grinned at Mark’s sentiment and protective tone. “You say all this Markie yet you’re also concerned for Renjun. After all, you dated happily and have never been on bad terms with each other. You haven’t actually seen his terrible actions before. Sympathising for your ex doesn’t make you a bad boyfriend, even if I really really dislike your ex”

“Well… yeah, honestly it still bugs me how different he is, but I can’t excuse anyone treating my boyfriend badly” Mark spoke slowly but surely as he playfully tugged at Jaemin’s cheek. “Also, I think you’ve made your decision, and I’m extremely proud of you. Nana, you’re an angel

 

 

Accompanied by the velvety obscure night sky, and the nipping cold which clung to him as walked, Renjun pulled his jacket tighter against his slight frame and sped up his pace to a brisk walk towards TTT. According to the text from Kun, Jaemin had stayed behind at the cafe after his shift had rounded up at 7 p.m.

The time blinked 10:23 p.m on his smartwatch as the familiar cafe came into sight. Renjun didn’t care that he’d kept the blue-haired boy waiting for over three hours; the younger could’ve just told Kun he didn’t want to see him, Renjun was the only one forced to attend this pointless meeting with someone he hated the most.

Na Jaemin looked up as soon as the door swung open, bringing in Renjun along with a gust of chilly air that caused him to shiver. Renjun ignored the other boy’s presence as he took a seat at one of the booths, an expression of boredom and disinterest schooled across his pallid features.

Jaemin stood up from where he sat on a bar stool behind the counter, looking at the blonde with an eyebrow raised at his less than civil behaviour.

“I’m not here to apologise”

“I know”

“Don’t stare at me like that. I’m aware I look like shit”

Jaemin gave no response as he silently reached for something under the counter before heading to the kitchen behind.

Renjun scoffed at the action, what gave the younger the right to keep him waiting? It made him feel inferior, like he was begging to be there, wretchedly begging for help from the almighty Na Jaemin, the Na Jaemin that was a pathetic mess just a few months ago. Renjun didn’t know what to make of it all. Everyone around him was convinced he had issues, that he was one of those, a hopeless screw-up, and their eyes dripped with pity or disdain, nothing in between.

He didn’t get it; didn’t people think that he already knew he was messed up? Why did they feel the need to let him know what they felt about him and his life?

His thoughts were interrupted by the re-emergence of Jaemin from the kitchen as well as the wafting of a reminiscent fragrance from the tray in his hands. The aroma reminded him of a long time ago, of running around without a care in the world, of karaoke with people who didn’t judge how good or how terrible your voice was, of freedom. And Renjun watched as if in a trance, as the younger boy dropped the tray gently on the table, sliding into the booth with him.

“I brought hotpot” Jaemin spoke monotonously. “Let’s eat”

Renjun was certain this was the least welcoming the blue-haired boy had ever been but to his surprise, it was what he needed. No kindness, no despise, just a neutrality, a voice void of any emotion. Somewhat compelled, Renjun grabbed the spoon and chopsticks laid out in front of him, and they ate in silence.

Very much “The Last Supper” vibes, the blonde thought to himself. A sense of an impending turning point, a sense of finality. His mind flew back to a certain Renaissance art module where his professor discussed Leonardo da Vinci and how the “The Last Supper” depicted a religious figure dining with his enemy. They both knew where each other stood. Renjun felt the exact same way right then as he sat across Jaemin.

“Oh” The sigh escaped his lips involuntarily as he chewed the succulent dumplings, each bite releasing bursts of oriental flavour and his senses were overrun with the aromatic dish. Nostalgia. Sweet nostalgia that sent him back a few years with each swallow; four years ago his mother’s loving embrace, five years ago getting forced to play foot volleyball with his cousins, six years ago getting convinced by his friends to wade in a freezing pool. The doors to memory lane that he’d kept locked for years were flying open with each helping of food and gosh Renjun didn’t care that he may look stupid or like a starved animal because he could feel his throat clogging up. “Please… tell me… where you bought this hotpot”

“I guess the recipe I followed was good” was all Jaemin replied as he leaned back to let the older boy devour the rest of the meal.

It was weird, Renjun thought. He had arrived at Taeil’s Tasty Treats with all his pent up anger and frustration to heavily unleash on the blue-haired boy. He figured it would be the best way to spite both Jaemin and his cousin Kun before quitting his job and becoming a permanent social recluse. Somehow from the moment he sat down, all he could think about was the past and what used to be. His vision became blurry and suddenly he couldn’t see his chopsticks.

Just when he felt he really would explode with the sudden resurgence of his repressed emotions, he felt a hand clasp around his arm.

“You were about to plunge your hand straight into the soup,” Jaemin explained before promptly letting go of his arm. “It’s best to wait until you can see clearly”

Just the two of them alone in an empty cafe in the middle of the night when the campus was either asleep or far away in the clubbing hotspots, Renjun felt oddly secure. Not the kind of security he felt with Hyuck that made him uncomfortable because he’d always thought deep down he didn’t deserve the sun-kissed boy, nor the false security he felt while dating Jeno. What he felt in that moment was the solace of a stranger, and the intense desire to tell his side of the story for once without being judged since they already shared a mutual dislike for each other. He could offload the plaguing thoughts that burdened his heart for once and then forget they ever held the conversation in the morning. They probably wouldn’t meet each other again anyway.

“My mom used to make hotpot like this” Renjun started hoarsely. “She was the only one who knew how. I haven’t tasted this in four years since I left China, since everything turned upside down.” He paused as Jaemin silently passed him a bottle of water which he accepted, drinking a bit to clear his throat.

“My mom used to be so cheerful, she was one of those people that were described as having the stars in their eyes and in their smiles. Other kids used to be so jealous of my mom, and I soon realised that their mom’s were jealous of her too” He chuckled bitterly at the memory. “They used to spread rumours about her after they’d caught their bastard husbands staring at her inappropriately one too many times. She suffered a lot but she was strong and didn’t let it get to her, because I was the only thing important to her. But of course no one’s bulletproof and it all got too much when the neighbourhood elementary kids stopped by to throw their stupid little eggs or colour our walls with crayons after my mom painstakingly cleaned and repainted them. It’s crazy how on top of that, I was still happy because my mom made all the hurt seem negligible. After middle school we moved to Seoul where people were more sophisticated and jealousy wasn’t expressed pettily like the local women.

High school was by far the best phase of my rather shitty life. There were so many more opportunities for me to venture into art, I became prettier, I dated Mark and actually had proper friends. I’m pretty sure I was happy every day, though I don’t really remember what that feels like. It was towards the end of high school when my mom told me we were relocating to Shanghai because my maternal grandparents were terminally ill.” Renjun twisted his face grimly. “She lied.

Apparently I did have a dad after all and my so-called maternal grandparents had more or less sold my mom to my dad’s bigshot family and that’s how we always had so much money despite my mom barely working. She sacrificed so much to keep me away from that family by running with me to Korea, and when my future was threatened, she came back with me to strike a deal. I met my dad for the first time ever, and he looked exactly like his wikipedia profile: cold, ugly and unmoving. I guess in return for inheriting my mom’s visual genes, I got my dad’s detestable disposition.

It was our first meeting, and his first words to me were a threat. I had to choose between staying in China under his watchful eye but with his financial support, or being freed from his grip over me and my mom but all support would be withdrawn. I chose my mom without hesitation, and that man, that dreadful man, he laughed at me. He asked me if she would be happy with my decision and I confidently said yes, because I was the most important to her” Renjun paused as his eyes glistened with fresh tears, trying to steady his shaky voice.

“I thought he’d send us back to Korea to continue our lives, I thought we still had money saved - or maybe I didn’t think and that was the problem. Because I was attached to my mom and she was to me because we loved each other and we were each other’s most important thing. I think that’s what destroyed us. We were stranded in an unfamiliar city so we hid out in a bed-and-breakfast for about two weeks which I spent crying because of my bad decision while she consoled me. It all went downhill from there.

She insisted I continue studying while she went out to “work”. Two months later, we moved into our new flat and she disappeared for longer stretches of time. Each time she came back more irritable and more frail, like a shell of her former self. She started screaming at me when I asked questions, she hit me when I yelled back. But I couldn’t even feel it because she was that feeble. We both knew she was sick but she refused to tell me anything. I started to resent her while she threw things at me for being the root of all our problems. If only I hadn’t been born, if only I hadn’t clung to her when she tried to run away the first time, if only I hadn’t bolted after her when she’d tried to dump me at an orphanage upon our arrival in Korea. If only I hadn’t stuck to her like gum and made her actually love me, maybe she wouldn’t suffer like this, maybe she’d have lived a life for herself” Renjun was sobbing now, painful gulps punctuating his narration.

Jaemin had gotten up and made a hot chocolate and made the older drink it, putting his jacket around his narrow shoulders if only to soothe him a little bit. Jaemin was horrified but made sure not to let his expression show through the neutral expression schooled on his face. He needed to make sure Renjun was able to fully let out the anguish he’d been harbouring and allowing to fester for years.

“She wasn’t mentally sound and I began to avoid her for my own safety so I stayed out more until one day I followed her in secret. She kept going to my dad’s place to get abused for money. The funny thing is that despite that money, we lived in poverty so I confronted her and asked her to stop, to let me get a job so she wouldn’t have to submit to that shitbag who was too ashamed to make her his wife due to her status and treated her like she was disposable. My mom still refused to let me go outside so I blew up, I asked why she was so eager to do anything for my father. She slapped me and said I’d never understand what love was. Then I got thrown out for being “an ungrateful burden”. She sent me back to that bed-and-breakfast with money only enough for two months at least.

Once the two months came to an end, I packed my things and resigned to becoming destitute, but the owner came to me with a flight ticket, documents detailing my acceptance into SMU on scholarship as well as a card in my name loaded with cash that blew my mind. The balance ended with loads of zeros. I was so confused and the lady gave me a pitiful smile as she handed me an envelope with a letter enclosed in it.

*

”Your mother told me to only let you read it on your plane to Korea, but I want you two to be able to meet each other once again. You’ve put up such a long tough fight and I can’t let you part ways like this”

My Injeolmie

You like things straightforward just like me so I'll keep this short. I've enclosed the money I've been earning from your father and gotten you your ticket back to Korea for a better future far from here. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better mother in these two years, love for your father made me a fool. Even now when I hate him, I still sacrifice for him and his image and let him do things with me as he pleases. I endured all this for you but please don't overthink and feel guilty, I'm doing my job as a mom to make sure you never lose your smile and your happiness. When you go to Korea, make sure to never make the same mistakes I made, don't be a slave to love and affection. I've erased all information about you being tied to this family so you're a free little boy now Injunnie. You could've been an heir to a conglomerate if not for my lowly birth. But it's okay, I'll raze this conglomerate to the ground anyway if it's the last thing I do.

I'm sorry for throwing you out and not letting you go outside, I just didn't want your father's men to find you and coerce you into things again. It's okay now since I've erased any link of you to this cursed family so you'll be unscathed by the time I destroy everything. Keep your head up high son! And find happiness.

P.S. You've always been and will always be my most important thing.
P.S. I put XXXXXXXXX into your account, make sure that lady doesn't steal any. It should last you through your degree but do try to get a job in university okay? It's better to be safe than sorry.

*

“I immediately ran and got the earliest bus to my mom's flat but by the time I got there - she was already gone” Renjun wailed and this time Jaemin couldn't sit still. Discarding his neutral facade, he immediately switched to the older's side of the booth, sliding in beside him as he put a toned arm around him as Renjun cried heavily into his shoulder.

“It was just photos of her surrounded by bouquets of chrysanthemums around the flat as a sort of memorial for her and she hates those flowers. I just hate people, I hate her for making me like this, I hate them for making her that way, I hate the idea of love and attachment. It ruins people and takes over their lives. I noticed it with you and Jeno and it pissed me off. Everything you did reminded me of her who did everything for me. I projected my frustrations about her and myself onto you. Yeah I'm twisted, I was gonna show you the hard way and that's how I got with Jeno, but I guess I got karma as I fell in love and started to destroy myself for him. Look at where love got my mom, not even a nice funeral but her name will forever be remembered by the people of China as the one that led to the investigation that dissolved XX group. She's not even remembered by her name since she changed it last minute so I wouldn't be tied to her. She went that far to protect me out of love. It's like Sunny Huang never existed and I'm the only one that remembers her. And now that I think about it, she has never ever told me that she loves me.”

“Renjun” Jaemin began once the blonde’s body-racking sobs had receded to more relaxed hiccups. “Love takes on different forms according to each person, it isn’t defined by the words “I love you”, after all some people say that without meaning it”

“Like Jeno” Renjun snorted.

“Like Jeno” Jaemin concurred. “You probably don’t realise but you’ve just told me that your mom loved you the most in the world even if she did treat you wrongly in certain situations. From my own experience, I think love is equal where partners equally give and receive and one-sidedness brings in the pain and suffering. I’ve learnt that in situations like this, people tend to blame themselves and dwell on their insecurities without considering that problems could be because of the other party or due to miscommunication. Don’t fear attachment, or rather, don’t consider it as attachment but as creating a deeper bond where each of you take a step at a time, mindful of each other’s pace. As scary as love seems, I believe it’s necessary because loneliness leeches happiness. Remember that the last time you recall being happy was in your high school years with your mom, your friends and your boyfriend? That’s love, whether it’s platonic or romantic or anything else. Don’t fear heartbreak because you can grow from it and come out even stronger than before. The evergreen trees that stand proud and tall after centuries grew through cracks in hard rocks before they got to where they’re at now”

The two boys sat in a not actually awkward silence. Jaemin stood up at some point to clear their food plates and beverage cups as well as wipe down the table, before coming back to sit at his original spot in their booth. It had been almost thirty minutes when Renjun finally spoke.

“I hate you”

“Oh really? I couldn’t tell” Jaemin replied unfazed.

“You must think I’m a loser” Renjun continued, ignoring Jaemin’s remark. “well guess what? I am, and I’m so tired of pretending I’m not. I actually don't have any self love like I seem to do. Everything I ever said to you was a jab directed at myself”

“We can start to find some positives about you”

“Shut the fuck up” Renjun snapped, but his tone lacked his usual bite. He couldn’t help the slight smile that ghosted his face.

“Oh you’re slightly cute when you try to hide a smile” Jaemin tried uncertainly. He’d never expected to find himself trying to compliment the person who’d made his life a living hell for months. But just like seasons change, Jaemin believed that everyone had it in them to change. He wasn’t going as far as liking the blonde for there was no excuse for his actions, but he could admit that Renjun was a tough guy who’d gone through a lot early in life and Jaemin simply couldn’t find it in him to bear a grudge against the older.

They had fallen into another silence as Jaemin pottered around with the coffee machine behind the counter. In fact Jaemin was convinced that the older boy had fallen asleep until his voice came from where he lay with his head nestled in his arms on the table.

“I guess I don’t hate you as much and before you ask, yes this has a double meaning”

 

It really did have a double meaning because Renjun really didn’t hate Jaemin as much but it also meant he didn’t hate himself as much as he used to.

Notes:

i was listening to my youth and rainbow while writing and i almost cried. i'm actually very very very curious about your thoughts on this chapter especially and on the characters here (>~<)

please let me know in the comments or in a cc

we're practically at the end of this fic (just two chapters left omg), thank you for all your support
the dreamies make me so happy and i hope they make you happy too~

thinking thoughts about chenle in his skirt knowing fully well how good he looks while posing as a princess and a "daddy" @.@

Chapter 17

Notes:

it's been a while...hi? 😳

beware that this is heavily unedited because i wrote like 300 words in a day, 5k the next day, and about 1k today and i just wanted to get the chapter out hhh

my exams are over now so i'm free!! and it feels weird because i started this fic right when my teachers were stressing me out about revising and all that and a lot has happened in between... so it feels like i grew with the story? and also markmin becoming more high-key??

anyway, cw: implied psychological abuse

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

When the bell rang the first time, Jeno had been sprawled across his bed spread-eagled as he listlessly stared up at his ceiling. He’d been doing a lot of that recently - laying around listlessly like a convalescent, unconscious of time flowing past. The raven-haired was in that phase of contemplation when he questioned the relevance of all he had built until now, all he had sacrificed for. Why did he invest so much into creating the image of “Jeno Lee”? Who even was Jeno Lee?

A quarterback, a star of the architecture department, the face of the Othrys fraternity. That’s it. No depth at all, other than his acquired dickhead personality. At first, Jeno had almost drowned in the realisation of his shallow attitude but now he’d opted to discard it. What was the point anyway? It was all meaningless.

But discarding the persona he’d worn and grown accustomed to for years now left him with his current dilemma. Who was he? He didn’t know how to act now, or what to do. He didn’t even know where to start. It was all too late and all he could do was wish he could turn back the clock.

It was when the bell rang the third time that Jeno registered that someone was waiting for him to open the door.

Odd. He wasn’t expecting anyone at this time; he certainly wasn’t quite as popular with the campus at the moment, and no one else had visited the apartment after Renjun’s departure a few weeks ago.

Renjun. Jeno sighed as he recalled how things had ended before picking himself up and dragging himself to the door.

“Hey”

Nodding in response to the almost awkward greeting, Jeno shuffled into a sofa, indicating that his visitor should follow him in. The shorter boy did, perching gingerly into the single sofa adjacent to the three-seater Jeno was currently relaxed in.

The atmosphere was stale and silent as neither boy exchanged a word. Jeno wasn’t even trying to speak, he wasn’t the one to show up without notice.

Finally figuring out what to say, Xiaojun swallowed before speaking. “How’ve you been?” It came out a little croakily. Trying again, he said “You’ve practically been a hermit bro”

“Honestly?” Jeno adjusted his position on the sofa to face the older boy. “I feel like shit. Everything is all fucked up and I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. Suddenly everything feels meaningless and I have no motivation to get up in the morning. I’ve missed a bunch of lectures and practices and everyone is yelling at me through the phone left right centre while all I wanna do is fade away”

Xiaojun stared at him. “Wow. That sounds like shit.”

That was all it took for Jeno to burst into laughter, and for Xiaojun to join him. Mirthless laughter borne of painful emotions that needed to erupt out of them, laughter that stemmed from the fact that they couldn’t cry anymore, laughter that burst out at Xiaojun’s very bleak and very obvious sentence.

Thank god you switched majors from Korean to music theory last minute, you’re so bad with words” Jeno mocked his frat brother.

“Well I’m clearly better than you when it comes to words considering your track history of relationships”

That was all it took to immediately drain the fun, reverting the atmosphere to its previously stale and chilly state. One look at Jeno’s cold weary gaze and the smile dropped from his face.

“I’m sorry, that was a dick move” the older boy apologised genuinely. Mildly insulting banter was usual in their frat but ongoing events had caused a shift from normalcy with tensions running high among the brothers. It simply wasn’t the time to joke about as if all was well when all was simply… not.

“Forget it. It’s true.” Jeno sounded exhausted. “Maybe if I actually talked to Jaemin things would be okay and I would truly feel free instead of living with the constant reminder that I’m destined for hell. When I feel particularly bad I wonder if this is how Jaemin felt all those times I neglected him. I know it’s karma and I deserve it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“Of course it’s not the same but I understand how you feel, because I also mistreated Jaemin. The entire frat has been on lockdown; everyone’s reflecting because this whole thing-” he waved his arms around “-has been a real eye-opener to all our douchebagery. It’s gonna be really rough for us and especially for you but I want you to know that even if it’s our only redeeming quality, we’re heavily loyal. We’re here for you so don’t marinate in sorrow but come to us. Step by step we’ll become better people and that’s growth right?”

“Thanks Jun, and I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess. You only wanted to help me so you treated Jaemin that way. It’s my fault for not giving you the full story and not stopping you. I’ve got a long list of apologies to give.”

“Ah I guess I should confess I had a… different… motive for being an asshole to Jaemin” Xiaojun scratched his head sheepishly, failing to meet Jeno’s eyes. “Actually I like, and have always liked Renjun, even before you two started dating. He’s like an unreachable star and I’ve always protective towards him, so that night at the club I walked in to the image of Jaemin shaking Renjun and my first instinct was to-”

“Punch him?”

“Y-yeah. Plus I noticed that Renjun didn’t like Jaemin so I sort of.. Hated him by default? And then there’s my misunderstanding that he was treating you like shit when the reverse was the case. I’m sorry for liking your boyfriend but I can’t fight my feelings and I won’t try shit like making moves on him. Just… please take care of him. I know you can learn from your mistakes and do better with him, he’s really sensitive”

“We already broke up”

Xiaojun had just opened his mouth to speak when three sharp knocks were heard on the door that he’d left ajar, saving Jeno from the awkward conversation that was about to take place.

“It must be Jaemin” Jeno announced to no one in particular before saying a little louder “Come in” towards the door as Xiaojun froze up in his seat.

 

The day before, Jaemin had texted his ex that he was ready to finally hear him out. Walking down the familiar pathway stirred up weird feelings that conjured up images of his old self all miserable and lonely as he trekked from lectures to part-time jobs and then back to an empty apartment. How things have changed, he murmured to himself just as he arrived at the doorstep - the doorstep he hadn’t stepped on since he moved out nearly a year ago.

The white painted door stood ajar, allowing the voices coming from inside the apartment to flow out unfiltered into the still air outside. Not being one to eavesdrop, the blue-haired boy delivered three sharp knocks causing the conversation to cease instantly until he heard Jeno’s voice telling him to come in.

However, before he could step into the living room, Xiaojun had abruptly leapt to his feet to make his way out. “Hey Jaemin, I was just leaving so I’ll give you two privacy”

Instant rage. Instant fury shot through his veins at the older boy’s remark. All he could remember was all that he’d experienced at the hands of Xiaojun, all the unfairness he’d felt, and he really wasn’t an eavesdropper but he couldn’t help overhearing the older boy’s pathetic excuse for the mistreatment he’d meted out to him. Of course he’d already said he had forgiven both Xiaojun and Lucas but something in him had hoped that he’d sense some remorse in Xiaojun’s countenance in their first meeting after the whole incident - and maybe he did look regretful but there was nothing satisfying about the offhanded greeting he’d just given.

And in that moment of irrepressible anger, Jaemin reached out a hand in greeting and slapped his palm across the shorter boy’s face with enough force to knock him off his feet.

“Damn… that felt good”

Jaemin felt the anger dissipating from his body much akin to the way dark dense clouds clear up to allow the sun to shine through a bright blue sky. With his palm tinged pink, the blue-haired boy could only imagine what hand-shaped hue was blooming across Xiaojun’s cheek.

“Were you really gonna leave without at least apologising to my face? Can’t tell if you even meant it when you said you were sorry” Jaemin said as he side-stepped across the older boy. “Make sure you ice that when you get home”

Xiaojun could only pitifully choke out a “sorry” before hastily exiting the apartment with a hand plastered to his cheek. Knowing he deserved the slap and more, he felt no irritation but just… pain. And maybe a dash of relief that it seemed like now Jaemin could properly forgive him.

Plunged into silence after Xiaojun’s departure, Jaemin took the time to walk around the sitting room, noting the difference in the interior. “It’s completely changed” he murmured softly as he took in the lack of decor and the monochrome theme and the bare walls begging to be adorned with paintings and framed photographs. The apartment was devoid of life. “You left my plants to die didn’t you?” His tone was reproachful now. “I wanted to take them with me but I wasn’t sure if my roommate would be okay with them”

The younger boy’s words were directed towards Jeno but the latter’s throat was all clogged up and suddenly he couldn’t speak. Jaemin’s back was turned towards him, his fading baby-blue hair and broad shoulders on display. Jeno couldn’t reach him even when the younger was right in front of him, and the fact was never more hard-hitting than then. The Jaemin he’d grown up with was now gone.

Right at that moment when Jeno was blinking back the tears welling in his eyes, Jaemin turned towards him with a hardened expression. “Come on Jeno, don’t you have something to say? Spit it out, I’m tired of trying to make small talk”

“Uh w-well first of all I’m really sorry and-” Jeno mumbled shakily before Jaemin sighed deeply, heading towards the kitchen. Jeno sunk his face into his hands, not knowing what to do now that he’d been presented with the opportunity to finally talk to the younger boy. A cool glass against the back of his hands pulled him out of his thoughts. Jaemin had returned with a glass of water.

Accepting the drink with a silent look of gratitude, Jeno took two gulps before placing the glass on the small coffee table in front of him. “I don’t know where to start” he confessed.

The blue-haired boy had chosen to sit in the seat Xiaojun had gotten up from, but this time he was sat directly facing Jeno. “Why don’t you start from the beginning?”

Jeno took a deep breath as he unlocked the mental box where he’d hidden and buried his past feelings in the recesses of his mind. He looked at Jaemin, the boy he’d grown to love, the boy he’d broken into pieces, the boy he wanted back and the boy he’d chosen to let go.

Jaemin’s gaze was neither patient nor anticipating and somehow Jeno found solace in the lack of expectation in the younger’s eyes, encouraging him to go on.

“Do you remember when my parents broke up and my dad left in the middle of the night? They fought over who would take custody of me: Neither wanted me; they loved each other far more than they loved me so what did it mean when they stopped loving each other? They stopped loving me”

Jaemin nodded slowly, mind travelling back to that fateful night when the Lees’ screaming fit had shaken the entire street. Neighbours watched the spectacle from the comfort of their homes, gossiping in hushed voices as the row migrated from inside the Lee house to their front yard. Mr Lee was armed with two suitcases as Mrs Lee forced him to take the extra baggage that was the young Jeno Lee. Eventually when their throats were too hoarse and their stamina depleted, Mr Lee walked off down the cold dark street while Mrs Lee trudged into the quiet house, slamming the peeling blue door behind her. Jaemin dashed to Jeno who was left outside and brought him to his room where he gave him the largest hug he could muster with his tiny arms, wrapping the raven-haired boy whole like his mother’s famous gimbap.

It was then, at thirteen and in each other’s arms, that Jaemin had promised Jeno: ”I will never leave your side”

“My mom couldn’t function; all the roles my father had taken had been left empty. She couldn’t and still can’t cook or clean or work or do anything. And she wouldn’t speak to me either, not that I wanted her to. I hate her. We lived in radio silence for six months before she acknowledged my existence. It was after the sports meet and I’d just had an early celebration dinner at yours” Jeno paused at the memory, visibly swallowing as he struggled to continue. “I was in such a good mood”

“It was the day you were the football mvp and I won all my badminton sets” Jaemin muttered in recollection.

Jeno nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it was one of the best days of my life, and simultaneously one of the worst. I got home later than usual, and my mom looked me up and down from head to toe as if she was only just seeing me for the first time…”

*

“Lee Jeno you are quite heartless aren’t you?” Her flowery tone and charming smile did nothing to hide the malice in her words. Long flowy charcoal hair swept elegantly behind her back, she sat at the mahogany dining table, staring at the handsome growing boy who remained standing at the entrance of the house. “Too much like your father for my liking, I expect you’ll have your own horde of hearts to break soon enough” she chuckled lightly.

Quite frankly, fourteen year old Jeno was baffled. These were his mother’s first words to him that year and she was calling him heartless. He didn’t know what to do in this uncommon situation and he had half the mind to walk back to Jaemin’s house up the road. But this was his mother and he didn’t know whether these would be her last ever words to him. So he remained fastened to his spot by the door.

Seemingly understanding his mishmash of thoughts, she chuckled again, a little louder this time. The light ring of her laughter not quite reaching her inky dark eyes. “You seem so confused it’s almost cute. Come over here, let mommy see you properly”

Jeno was like a marionette in the hands of a skilled puppeteer, moving to her will almost instantly and within seconds he was right in front of the youthful woman, her hands caressing his cheek lovelessly. He felt like prey in the claws of a hunting eagle, caught in his mother’s frigid grasp.

“Look how healthy you are, you’re enjoying free feasts at that pretty boy’s place while your poor mommy is starving. I’m sure you didn’t think of me at all while you stuffed yourself silly. Mommy doesn’t work you know hmm?” She was still smiling but her grip had become vice-like. “Could it be that you like their family more? They’re perfect aren’t they? They give you everything that you want, everything that I can’t give. To you I’m nothing but a useless mom hmm? You’re too much like your father”

“Y-you’re right. They’re so much better than you” Jeno detested the way his voice shook, despised the way his mother still had so much power over him after everything she’d done to him, after all the neglect.

Miss Lee saw through the cracks in his tough front immediately. “Aww Jeno you used to be so cute. You used to waddle around after me and now you hate me, I’m a failure aren’t I. You may be just like your father, but you’re also just like me. What do you think happens when you grow too reliant on someone? Hahahaha” She loosened her grip and resumed stroking his cheek. “You can’t survive on your own, a mindless parasite, a suffix. You become disposable, you can’t get what you want because you need to wait for it to be given to you. I used to sit and enjoy his money but when things went south he stopped giving me anything. Because he went on a diet for convenience, I had to go on one too. He pinned me down and clipped my wings. Whatever he did I had to follow suit; I don’t pay the bills so I have no say - He might as well have thrown me out to decrease the number of mouths to feed” In her cold tirade, she didn’t realise her grip on Jeno’s cheek had tightened until the young boy released a sharp hiss in pain. She pushed him into a chair and leaned in close, her eyes glittering onyx in the dim light. “Mommy may be weak but she won’t be slighted. I got my money from other sources and broke poor daddy’s heart, but what did he expect? Although I'm the one suffering the most now, with you as excess baggage and yet even you’re happier than me. Why do you heartbreakers get off easy for pinning me down?”

Jeno didn’t realise when he had started to shake in his mother’s presence. Her smile remained fastened to her face while her poisonous words dripped like acid from her cherry red lips, winding around him and searing into his skin like a curse. He tried to block his ears from her voice but it was corrosive and took root in his heart, his soul, the back of his brain, imprinting itself in indelible ink.

“Love is a big scary thing and with our blood you are incapable of handling it. When you get dependent, you end up just like me, hopping from man to man, hoping to get filled but only coming back empty, just like a broken vessel with everything you try to build disintegrating before your eyes. But you’ll deserve it won’t you? For breaking all those hearts”

Miss Lee burst into laughter that followed the fourteen year old Jeno as he ran out of the house, ricocheting in his head, a haunting melody that would unintentionally follow him into adulthood - a stigma that would slowly break him into pieces.

*

“I guess she was right though. Or maybe she wasn’t, maybe I ended up listening to her words that whispered to me in the dark” Jeno paused, avoiding Jaemin’s gaze as he chose to look at his glass of water instead. “I stayed away from her but the damage was already done, she didn’t even bother to talk to me again after that anyway. Looking back, she was probably jealous of my dad and I’s happiness but kudos to her? Whatever she did back then definitely worked because now I’m as huge a fuckup as she is” He laughed bitterly, battling the urge to sob right there in front of Jaemin.

“Jeno…” The younger boy started as Jeno began to sniff.

“No please let me continue Jaem or I don’t think I’ll be able to say everything I’ve prepared to say. Just… give me a few seconds to… you know” He waved his hands in front of his face, gesturing that he needed to stop crying and get his emotions back under control.

And Jaemin waited patiently.

“I locked her words away and almost forgot about them until that day you decided to sacrifice your dreams for me. I felt an immense surge of love for you and the sheer rush of strong emotion scared me, frightened me. We got into SMU and moved in together, and you handled everything, all our bills and living expenses were on you. You did all the cooking and the cleaning and the laundry and as my love grew, my demons cursed upon me by my mom grew exponentially. I was too much like her and you were like my dad who did everything for her. And I realised-” Jeno gulped before continuing, “I realised that I didn’t know what I’d do if you ever left me. I never imagined I would be the one to leave. You’ve always been so perfect, and I always had to send intimidating glares to people that stared at you at parties and then I stopped bringing you along… for fear that you’d leave my side. When I realised that I was spiralling, I gave myself an excuse to keep you at arm’s length and believed in the excuse that you were holding me back. I believed the shallow excuse so much that I forgot the truth, so much that I didn’t realise that my excuse was an echo of my mom’s words.

With each passing day I felt myself falling deeper, and I’ve always been too scared to love deeply. I didn’t want us to end up like my parents: dragging each other further and further into hell until one of us would finally combust. I was jealous of you too, how easy it was for you to love without holding back. I guess at some point, when I began to shut down my heart in self-defense, I started to believe and hope that your love would be enough for the both of us. Of course I was a fool for thinking that way.

I saw you, I watched you morph from the happy smiling boy to a melancholy one, and I knew it was all my fault. I believed my mom was right about me and this apartment began to remind me of the house I grew up in - so I began to avoid coming back. I was falling and I selfishly wanted a safety net so that when everything eventually came to shit I would make it out okay. My new persona, my relationship with Renjun, everything was a safety net, and it worked - sort of - for a while. Until it didn’t and I just felt even more miserable each time I disappointed you. But I was a coward and I just couldn’t stop until it all came to a tumultuous trainwreck-like end that night in the club.” Jeno dissolved into hard heavy sobs as his built shoulders shuddered in repressed pain as he emptied out the contents of his heart in front of the blue-haired boy he loved. “That night when I called out your name into another boy’s ear as he did sinful things with his mouth. That night when I did what I feared the most: I lost the boy I loved, I became the person I hated the most. And the worst part? Even in that situation I remained in character and cast you aside.” He choked out between gushing tears and hiccups. “Every night, Every damn night, I see you in my dreams, lying knocked to the ground in a puddle of your tears. And every time, every damn time, I do nothing about it”

Jaemin got up from his seat to awkwardly pat Jeno’s back till his hysterical sobs receded to regular sniffles. He himself had also cried as Jeno’s story unfolded and the motive behind each of Jeno’s hurtful decisions became clear to him. They had both suffered during and after the course of their relationship. Neither of them had come out unscathed. Dwelling on that fact, their uneven breaths faded into a steady silence filled with tension and understanding and a poignant sadness that overwhelmed and permeated the air around them. Their minds couldn’t help but wander to had-beens and could’ve-becomes and then Jaemin realised he was supposed to say something.

“Jeno… you’re not your mother but your own unique being. No one has a right to define your life but you, trust me I learnt this the hard way. You don’t still believe her, do you?”

“Jaem I’m so sorry” Jeno apologised shakily. “I’m so so sorry for hurting you. I stopped believing her when it was all too late. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately but I don’t know if it’s too late to become a better person, I’m too much of a screwup and I’ve hurt too many people. I’d be grateful if you’d forgive me and leave me to disappear”

“I understand your perspective, and for that I’m glad I listened to you. But I hope you also understand me when I say that I don’t quite forgive you and I may never even forgive you, but don’t let that hold you back Jeno. Rather than disappear on yourself, take some time off to focus on yourself” Jaemin spoke slowly, looking the raven-haired boy in the eye.

Jeno nodded, eagerly hanging on the blue-haired boy’s every word, albeit with unhidden disappointment.

“You hurt me a lot, I was plagued with insecurity for years and amongst all that I still trusted you right until I caught you with Renjun. I’d be lying if I said I’m not downhearted at the fact that you didn’t trust me enough to let me know the troubles you’ve been growing with. I’m relieved that you now realise that your mother’s words were nothing but the jealous lies of a miserable woman and that you’re ready to put it all behind you. I believe that anyone is capable of changing for the better. I just wish that we didn’t have to go through all the sorrow to get here.”

“I regret it all Jaem, my heart hurts so much and I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to turn back time, I don’t know how to fix everything” Jeno’s pain bled into his voice, raw and blistering.

“You can’t turn back time, Jeno, and there’s nothing to fix for me. I’ve healed and I’ve moved on, you just need to do the same and you need to do it properly. Be honest with yourself, listen to your thoughts and prioritise your own happiness” Jaemin said, rising to his feet to leave. “Be happy Jen”

“One question” Jeno burst out, halting the younger boy from stepping outside. “Do you think we would’ve made it… if I didn’t cheat?”

“We would’ve made it if you told me everything and communicated properly with me. You’re not incapable of loving, Jeno. No one is. Love has no parameters, no boundaries, no limits, no set laws, no discrimination, no compass that discerns between good and bad. We’re all on a learning curve in how we give and receive and treat love. It’s uncommon to get it right the first time but there are benefits of heartbreak you know? You learn so it doesn’t happen again. And I wish you luck with that Lee Jeno. You can love again.”

With a small smile, Jaemin exited the apartment, never to step foot in it again.

boyfriend <3

markie can you please pick me up

I think i’m gonna burst into tears

Omw

Wanna go out for waffles and ice cream?

markie i love you so much

I love you too 😳

Ever since that night he spilt his soul out over a steaming bowl of huo guo, Renjun had been feeling oddly at peace with himself. Admittedly, he still refused to leave the confines of his shared dorm but he was perfectly satisfied with curling up his (read: Hyuck’s) ipad, doodling cute images of moomin or comical caricatures of his annoying roommate on Procreate (he didn’t get why Donghyuck had spent ten bucks on the app when he clearly couldn’t draw for shit).

His daily routine was a cycle of attending online lectures (under the guise of being unwell), doodling, actually updating his portfolio and struggling to learn to cook a basic hotpot. So far, none of the online recipes had worked for him and with each abomination of a dish, Renjun found himself closer and closer to watching the dreaded video that had recently been uploaded onto Ten and Johnny’s youtube channel: “Making cheap, restaurant-quality hotpot with Jaemin!!

Not that he subscribed to the campus’ favourite student-tubers, their videos just happened to pop up on the blonde’s recommended page. Renjun was just scrolling through the comments under the video to figure out whether a good bowl of food was worth seeing Jaemin’s face for, when the front door bell rang.

“For fuck’s sake Hyuck I’ve told you the next time you forget your key-” Renjun halted his tirade at the sight of Xiaojun standing at the entrance of his dorm. “Xiaojun?”

“That’s me” the older boy smiled lightly, a soft expression gracing his sharp features. “Can I come in?”

Renjun shifted away from the door, silently making room for the older boy to enter the room. As soon as Xiaojun had shut the door behind him, Renjun resumed his seat on the sofa surrounded by blankets and throw pillows Donghyuck’s mom had sent.

“Did I interrupt your ‘you’ time?” Xiaojun chuckled as he took in the sight of the younger boy sprawled out comfortably. The blonde looked adorable and Xiaojun wanted nothing more than to hold him tightly in his lap.

“Sort of?” Renjun replied easily. “I wasn’t doing much, just drawing moomin at the park. Not that you’d be interested anyway”

“I like you” Xiaojun blurted out, effectively stunning the younger boy into silence. “Of course I’m interested in things concerning you”

“What?”

Renjun had never felt particularly close to the older Chinese boy despite them hanging out in the same circle. Whenever they gathered at Jeno’s apartment, Renjun spent most of his time in Jeno’s arms as he bickered with Hyuck. Xiaojun’s visit was a surprise and he’d least of all expected to receive a confession. In fact, he still wasn’t sure whether he’d heard properly or not.

“I’ve liked you for a long time now, for at least a year before you met and got with Jeno, and I still like you now” Xiaojun looked at the younger boy in earnest despite his reddening face.

“I don’t understand,” Renjun started. “Why would you like me? After everything I’ve done? I’m not really one of the favourite people on the planet right now and I haven’t even done anything in particular with you? No offense”

“Do I need a reason to like you? Can’t I just feel?”

“Oh” Renjun looked away, breaking their eye contact as his cheeks coloured lightly. He was slightly flustered, only slightly.

“I don’t believe that anyone is perfect Renjun, I haven’t been the best person either, but I’m trying to improve as I go along. If you’d let me, we could go on a journey of growth together, I could show you love in ways no one has before, I could treat you better” Xiaojun had ventured from his seat to right in front of the blonde boy who was still looking away from him, taking the smaller’s hand in his as he spoke sincerely.

“Xiaojun… thank you” Renjun mumbled. “But I don’t feel the same way. I don’t really want to think about getting into another relationship yet because I’m still not over Jeno, and I need to heal and move on. Someone told me that love is equal where partners give and receive, and I’m not there yet, I’m not ready yet. I don’t wanna fuck up again”

Xiaojun let out a small disappointed sigh before smiling up at the younger boy again. “I didn’t expect you to return my feelings, but thank you for not leading me on. I think that ‘someone’ is very smart actually and I’ll be rooting for you to find yourself! Just know that I won’t give up on you” he said, poking the blonde’s soft cheek.

“Yeah yeah okay” but Renjun was smiling as he looked at Xiaojun who crouched before him. “There’s no guarantee that I’ll fall for you though”

Xiaojun cocked an eyebrow confidently, his soft smile replaced with a cunning smirk. “Is that a challenge Huang Renjun? I might not leave your side”

“Gross. If you ever invade my personal space I’ll never give you the light of day, I’m not even joking”

“We’ll see if I don't warm up your so-called stone cold heart” The older boy teased.

“Shut the fuck up and get out already Xiaojun” Renjun snorted before ignoring the boy in front of him, refocusing on whatever he was doodling on Hyuck’s ipad.

“See you tomorrow Junnie” and Xiaojun was out of the dorm before the former could even react to the nickname.

 

About two weeks had gone past since he’d met up with his ex and Jaemin didn’t think he could possibly feel any freer than he did now. The closure was good for the both of them; their paths had crossed once but now they were heading on different roads, journeying to become the best versions of themselves.

The blue-haired boy was currently sitting up in bed, back leaning against the headboard as he stared at the google document open on his laptop. He had an essay on business ethics due the next day and he’d been working on the same flimsy paper for a week. He needed sugar.

On the other hand, Mark was the epitome of relaxed as he lay next to the younger, clad in a white singlet and boxes as he perused netflix for something to watch. Jaemin was insanely jealous of his boyfriend: He wasn’t stuck writing time-pressured essays for a professor with a superiority complex, his accomplishments in the photography field allowing him to sail through his course with minimal effort.

“Markie…” Jaemin pouted cutely, causing Mark to giggle and pat his head lovingly.

“Let me guess, you want me to microwave the popcorn?”

“Please?”

Without hesitation, Mark vaulted himself out of Jaemin’s four-poster bed (which was really their bed now) to fish out the pack of popcorn they’d picked up at the nearby grocery store. Doing things like shopping together and making Jaemin food (even if it was just popcorn) felt oddly domestic. He could imagine himself still doing the same thing ten years, twenty years into the future and his thoughts made him cringe at his own cheesiness.

Meanwhile Jaemin’s phone (which he swore he put on ‘do not disturb’ mode) began to ring, cutting off his train of thought. Fighting off the urge to fling the mobile device halfway across the room, the blue-haired boy took a deep breath before swiping to receive the incoming call… from an unknown number.

“Hello?”

Hey Jaem, it’s Jeno

“Jeno? How do you have my number?”

You told me to block and delete your contact but I never did

“Oh, okay um, you’re on speaker by the way”

Jaemin smelled the sweet buttery goodness before Mark even came up to him with it, shooting him an adoring smile that made the latter's heart skip a beat. Noticing Mark’s confusion, he simply shrugged his shoulders in response. He didn’t know why Jeno called either.

Ahh that’s okay haha… I just wanted to say thanks for everything you told me, and that I’m moving away for a year at least… to spend some time with myself and work on a lot of my issues. It’s an internship thing so it’s not like I’m completely ditching school or anything, I just think it’d be nice to just get away from everything you know?

”Ohhh good on you Jeno Lee”

Despite everything, Jaemin genuinely felt happy for Jeno and the progress he was making towards healing from his childhood trauma. He hoped Jeno would be able to truly find happiness in the wider world rather than the skewed version Miss Lee had raised him to believe in.

Jeno’s laugh crackled down the line.

I promise I won’t contact you until I’m sure I’ve improved so I’ll be out of your hair until then. Don’t tell Mark, but I’ll be waiting to catch you if he ever slips up since I’m your number one supporter~

Mark coughed loudly before reaching for the phone.

”This is Mark speaking. That will never happen!”

And surprisingly, the phone call ended on a sweet cheerful note, tinged with the hope of better days to come.

 

 

From: [email protected]

Subject: Photofever 2021

To: [email protected]

Dear Na Jaemin,
We are honoured to present you with an invitation to our prestigious photography event given your contributions to the industry thus far.

The all-expenses-paid event will take place over the course of a month in the Summer at the Maldives. It comprises a series of workshops and networking with various icons in the photography world, as well as various opportunities to showcase your skills in various genres such as modelling photography, still life, landscape among others.

Please respond to this email to confirm your interest by May so we can make necessary arrangements. You may bring two plus ones but do inform us in your reply. Any questions regarding the event are welcome and we hope to see you in July!

Note that there will be full media coverage of the event in case that influences your decision.

Yours sincerely,
Hyunjae Lee
Coordinator
BYOK Photofever

 

"MARK LEE OH MY FUCKING GOSH"

Notes:

ahh i'm quite nervous... thoughts?

as usual, in the comments or in a cc
i'd love to hear from you!!

thanks for all your support so far, only one chapter left to go and i hope to get it done before the end of the week... i'm kinda sad it's nearly over @.@

Chapter 18

Notes:

wheww... so this is really it...

it's been a long journey from the beginning of 'spilt wine and wilted roses' all the way to the end of 'fine wine and entwined roses' and i don't think i could've made it this far without your support, so thank you very much!!
being my first work, it really means a lot to me (>~<)

i'll leave the long talk for the end notes (please do read till the end, i have a lot of thanks to give people), so without further ado,

enjoy ~

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ambling briskly across the quad, the brunette tried to avoid contact with as many students as possible. He pulled his hood down as far as he could, not wanting to be noticed as he was in a rush.

“Hey Yangyang!”

The brunette let out a heavy sigh as he turned towards his blue-haired best friend who caught up with him, the rest of their group following close behind.

“Where do you think you’re running off too?” Jaemin nudged the shorter boy playfully.

The older boy now sported an easy grin as his default expression, features lighting up with an almost constant happiness. Completely different from how he used to be… or more like how he’s always supposed to be, Yangyang marvelled.

“Away from you lot of course” he griped, pushing off the taller boy in mock annoyance.

“Awww now that’s just mean” Ten pouted as he slung an arm around the upset brunette.

“Everyone is so lovey-dovey around me and it’s making me lonely” he whined. “Even if Jaem is with me everyday it’s just not the same since we aren’t hot single besties like we used to be”

“Hey Hendery’s single too so you’re not the only one” Jaemin unhelpfully pointed out. “You can be hot single besties together”

“Hendery doesn’t count as a person” Yangyang huffed as Hendery scoffed in return.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve got a lot of admirers though” Johnny frowned. “I hear them talk about you quite a lot over at the student union actually”

“Yeah but they’re always too shy to approach me so I’m never sure about what they’re really feeling”

“Excuse me but are we really discussing Yangyang’s nonexistent love life out here on the quad? Right now?” Hendery interrupted, clutching his belly dramatically. “Just got out of the longest music theory class ever and I’m dying for a pastry from TTT”

Before Yangyang could retort, the group were greeted with the sight of Mark and Donghyuck walking towards them. Upon their arrival, Mark did not hesitate to gravitate towards his beaming boyfriend, settling a protective arm around the blue-haired boy’s slim waist as the latter breathed in his scent.

“Hey Markie” Jaemin grinned.

“Hey” Mark replied, giggling stupidly as he pulled his boyfriend into a warm embrace.

“Why can’t we be cute like them?” Ten looked up to his tall boyfriend, tugging lightly at his jacket with his lips drawn into a slight pout.

Johnny gazed at his younger boyfriend affectionately before leaning in to drop a light kiss on his soft puckered lips.

“You see what I mean?” Yangyang groaned, flinging his arms dramatically as Hendery wrinkled his nose in disgust. Jaemin and Mark were bad enough without adding Johnny and Ten - who were well known for their blatant displays of affection - to the equation.

“Thank fuck we’re hot and single” Hendery declared. “We’re sup-”

“Yangyang” Donghyuck interrupted suddenly, instantly capturing the brunette’s attention. “You look really good today”

“Says you-”

“But you’d look even better shoe-shopping with me tomorrow morning, getting lunch at that new restaurant and binge-watching Penthouse on my laptop in a pillow fort with takeout at my place at night”

The entire group had gone silent as if Donghyuck’s words were like a blanket, muffling the idle chatter that had been ongoing between the couples. Six pairs of eyes were focused on the cute brunette whose cheeks were colouring up.

“O-Oh”

“Turns out that our Yangie is the shy one” Jaemin laughed, but the look he threw to his best friend carried nothing but fondness.

“Th-That sounds nice”

“Fuck you” Hendery scowled.

SOCMED POST

 

“Tiny question Hyuckie” Jaemin piped up amidst the whoops and cheers that their friends were giving, regardless of the fact that they were making an eye-catching scene on the quad.

Hyuckie. Donghyuck had always felt more awkward with the blue-haired boy compared to the rest of the group because of the guilt hanging above him. He’d been aware of Jeno cheating on the younger, and he was close to both Renjun and Jeno who were the sources of the younger’s suffering. So for Jaemin to address him with such a soft nickname made him feel indescribable happiness. He felt accepted…forgiven. And he liked it.

“Ask away Jaem” he beamed.

“If Yangyang is going over to your place, what about Renjun? Are you gonna kick him out?”

“Ahhh lately Jun has been going over to his cousin’s place just off campus, he says he’s trying to patch things up with his family so he’ll probably go there tomorrow night too. It’s funny because I didn’t even know he had family close by”

“We learn a little more about each other everyday,” Jaemin mused.

SOCMED POST

“We should also learn a little more about ourselves everyday”

 

**A few months later**

SOCMED POST

 

“HEY MARK LEE MADE A TWITTER”

Notes:

thoughts? or at least say bye (i'm being too sentimental i know but allow me (>~<) )
in comments or in a cc

for the actual notes on the fic click here (it will take you to my fic notes on my dreamwidth journal and it'll include my thought process as i wrote, scrapped scenes, hidden facts, answers to questions you may have regarding certain events in the story etc)
also if you have dw account then you could subscribe to my journal because i'll be posting upcoming fic plans if you're interested ^^

anyway i really just wanted to say thanks to all of you wonderful readers for going with me and the characters on this journey and i hope this story was able to give you comfort or make you smile at least. if there's one thing i wish you could take away from this story, it would be the understanding that no matter the difficulty you're going through, you will always be tougher. you just need to believe in yourself and do whatever makes you happy. because you deserve happiness. if for some reason you don't think you deserve happiness (maybe because of guilt etc), remember that what matters is growth! as long as you're moving onto a better path, you definitely deserve happiness^^
sometimes you may need friends like yangyang and the gang to help, but if you think you're alone then you're not!! i'm here at @miltokki on twt with dms open and on curious cat!!

huge thanks to nana and reachforthebyul for encouraging me throughout the entire process, i've told you many times but i really appreciate you and i hope you liked it!!

thank you to my cc anons: pingu anon, fatima, eye anon, cake, fairy anon, cheese anon, pineapple anon, ♌️, shrimp anon, cherry anon and other anons
you don't know how fun you made writing for me, and i've been soo stressed (you already know why) and it's your ccs that not only kept me motivated to write, but also kept my head afloat as i struggled to keep up with demanding acads. i love you all so much.

thank you to my dear commenters:
whenever i log in and see notifications in my inbox, it makes my entire day and i'm not exaggerating. i think it's blatantly obvious how much i enjoy replying, and the feedback is beneficial to me. as much as i try to write for myself, there's no doubt that your comments reassure me that people are actually interested in my fic. because i'm also writing for you all and your thoughts matter to me.

and thank you @valensxciii on twitter, you mean the world to me <3
and donya too, for reccing my fic... it's honestly such an honour

thank you for the kudos too!! i never really said thanks for those. i'm glad you enjoyed this story and i hope the ending was satisfactory hehe

see you on my next work ~

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