Actions

Work Header

Commitment to Peace

Work Text:

As the rest of the team steps through the Gate they are greeted by local people who tell them that Jack and Daniel, who were first to step through the Gate onto their planet, have been chosen by the gods to settle a local dispute. The rules for settling the dispute are simple: they must fight, unarmed, until one yields.

The leader points to an engraved stone wall covered in text which Daniel says excitedly seems to be written in an intermediate form between Ancient and Latin while the people are speaking a recognizable form of Latin.

“This isn’t a fight to the death is it?” Experience has made Jack develop some rules for dealing with alien cultures, and number 3 is, “make really sure any fights are not to the death before you agree to them.” Rules 1 and 2 deal with not accidentally marrying anyone and making sure someone else samples the food first to be sure you aren’t about to accidentally marry someone, get drugged, or both.

“Of course not!” The man who is speaking for the group seems mildly offended by the question. “Injuries of any sort are to be avoided. You fight until one party formally yields.”

”You could use the hand to hand practice, I guess,” Jack says to Daniel.

They hand their firearms over to Carter and Teal’c and allow themselves to be led to a ring filled with dry sand that shifts underfoot. They spar for a few minutes, trying to make it look good, like they are taking the unspecified local dispute seriously. Then Jack pins Daniel on the soft ground and Daniel signals his surrender.

Disturbingly, the anticipation of the crowd intensifies and they begin fervently chanting “cedo.” The headman tells them that Daniel must now formally yield by performing the ritual of submission: a blowjob.

Jack pretends not to understand--though he hardly needs to brush up on his Latin to recognize that word--and makes Daniel translate. Daniel makes a variety of interesting faces which Jack translates as, “I’m sure you fucking know what he said,” which is true, sure, but which isn’t getting Daniel out of translating “fellatio.” He could have said, “wouldn’t want to miss any cultural nuance through an imperfect understanding of the language,” but that would mean admitting that he read Daniel’s reports, so instead he opted for a slow blink.

“Apparently the ritual of formally acknowledging defeat is for the loser to perform oral sex on the winner of the match.”

Rule 3b is going to be about clarifying ALL the terms of a fight in advance.

They are surrounded by perhaps a hundred of the local people, who appear very adamant but are not armed. Jack still has a knife and Teal’c and Carter are standing off to the side with their guns. They could surely fight their way out but these people seem to be very dedicated to the ritual, so it would probably mean casualties.

Jack asks, “how are you feeling about that commitment to following other culture’s practices now?”

“Not all that great but I don’t want to kill anybody.”

“And it is your expert opinion, as Earth’s leading authority on alien cultures, that if we don't do this we will offend the natives, probably have to kill some, and totally blow any chance of developing a trade alliance here?”

“Uh, yeah. You think differently?” Daniel is looking at him like he’s lost his mind.

“Oh, you betcha, I’m just working on how I’m going to explain this in my report.”

“Yes, I think the locals are going to take it very poorly if we try to back out now, and I’m sure they have some very interesting trade goods and opportunities for cultural enrichment.”

Jack sighs. “I’ll buy you dinner when we get back”

“Fine, but you’re taking me to that Italian place you hate.”

“Gustavo’s?” Jack groans melodramatically and rolls his eyes.

Jack catches Carter’s eye and shakes his head. She looks unhappy but nods.

A young man darts out and drops a fancy embroidered pillow in front of Jack.

“Really???”

“Hey, think of my knees.”

“Yeah? Well, think of my dick, let’s get this over with.”

“A quick to finish attitude, that’s what I like to hear.”

“Can’t be any real surprise that I’m easy.”

Daniel resignedly drops to his knees on the pillow.

Jack scans the crowd and murmurs in a lower voice, “not too gentle, it’ll be fast.”

Daniel grunts in acknowledgement.

“What’s wrong with Lou’s?” Jack asks.

“You mean other than the mold on the walls?”

“What? So they had a little leak, they got it fixed.”

“After like 2 years.”

Daniel brushes sand off Jack’s pants with the care of a man who used to live in a desert and never wants to get sand in his mouth again.

“Their food is just as good and it’s closer.”

“You just like the hot waitress.”

Daniel unfastens Jack’s pants and pushes down his underwear.

“She’s friendly.”

“Not this friendly.”

Daniel sucks Jack’s dick into his mouth.

“Wha--hrrng”

“Plus their sausage tastes like rat.” His lips and tongue graze the head of Jack’s cock as he pulls back just enough to speak.

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Please, I’ve had rat.” Daniel bobs his head a few times and resumes, “You’ve had rat.” He bobs his head again, “How can you not notice?”

“Maybe they only serve you rat because they can tell you got all judgy about the water leak.”

Jack breathes harshly for a moment as Daniel picks up the pace.

“Anyway, you’ve had rat before, what’s the big deal?”

“I only eat rat under special circumstances. I don’t like rat when I’m in Colorado and paying for not-rat.”

“You aren’t paying this time anyway.”

Daniel looks up. His eyes narrow. He raises his right hand up to Jack’s balls.

“Gustavo’s is great! We will definitely go there.”

Daniel smirks.

He gently runs this thumb across Jack’s balls and sucks rhythmically.

Jack glances down at Daniel, are you OK?

Daniel meets his concerned gaze and gives a little flick of an eye roll, I’m fine.

He rolls Jack’s balls gently in his hand and Jack makes a small noise of surprise before he can stop himself.

Daniel’s eyes are smirking again.

Jack narrows his eyes slightly, glad you are having fun.

Daniel gives the flick of an eye roll again and skims his free hand over his own crotch without touching, so much fun, I’m hard and I’m not going to be able to do anything about it.

Oh.

“Sorry,” Jack breathes.

A hint of a shrug, could be worse, no one is shooting at me, crinkles around Daniel’s eyes, other than you.

Daniel continues his work for a moment, then lifts his hand and waves his wrist watch, you want to hurry this up?

Jack mutters, “You go a little faster, I’ll go a lot faster.”

Daniel closes his eyes, his face taking on a look of intense concentration familiar to Jack from countless times he’s seen Daniel working through a complex problem. It’s weirdly flattering to think of all that intelligence focused on his junk, focused on getting him off. That as much as the improved speed and rhythm makes everything come together suddenly from “pleasantly arousing” to “oh shit, yeah.”

Jack grunts a warning. Once he has finished Daniel spits in the sand. Jack gives him a hand up and offers him a canteen.

“Thanks.”

“Gustavo’s does have better desserts anyway.”

“Uh yeah, they make those cannoli in house. Way better than that stuff in Lou’s freezer.”

“Well if getting your mouth on a cannoli will make you happy…”

Daniel shoots him a dirty look.

“What? You set yourself up for that one.”

The crowd applauds and the headman comes out to congratulate them.

“So, uh, what dispute were we settling anyway?”

“Some of us thought we should believe that you come in peace and others thought you might be too quick to use those weapons you carry.”

As they leave the ring Jack sees Sam and Teal’c sitting on a comfortable bench with a clear view of the sand, eating from a plate of local snacks.

“Oh peachy. You get to write this up too, how nice.”

“You did great,” Carter smiles brightly. “A real win for peace”

“A real win for paperwork, those reports are going to be a nightmare.”