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Hit Me With Your Best Shot

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“I’m horny.” Jon announces as he exits the kitchen.

Tim twists around on the couch, resting his face against the back of it, hiding the smile Jon can clearly see in his eyes. “Oh, yeah? What for?”

Jon sighs. “I don’t know. I think I must be…” he makes a face. “Ovulating, or something. It’s always this goddamn time of the month when I just get aroused all the time and it’s so inconvenient.”

He doesn’t get to continue complaining because Tim has hopped over the back of the couch and reached him in record time, scooping him up by his thighs in one smooth familiar motion and backing him against a wall.

Wide-eyed, Jon shuts his mouth and steadies himself with hands on Tim’s shoulders, staring as Tim’s grin turns mischievous. “Oh yeah? You want me to put a baby in you?”

Something in Jon’s stomach flips violently and he feels his face heat as he throbs between his legs at the words. He tries to turn his head away but it’s far too late and he sees Tim’s eyes grow wide, lips parting in awe.

“Oh my God. Jon.”

“Shut up, Tim, it’s not like it’s even possible anymore, probably, my body is just still running some strange useless cycle, and besides, I certainly wouldn’t want to reproduce with your useless genes, of all th— mphh!“

Tim interrupts him with an eager kiss, the sort that means Jon is going to be walking funny the next day, nipping at his bottom lip and sucking on his tongue. Then messily he moves away, dragging open mouthed kisses across Jon’s jaw,

“You wanna get knocked up, you little whore,” he spills against Jon’s ear, breath hot, and Jon should have kept his damn mouth shut because now this is going to be their entire weekend, now that Tim has discovered a new way to get Jon hot and bothered. “You want me to breed you like a bitch in heat, get you all barefoot and pregnant for me,” Tim babbles, and try as he might, Jon can’t suppress his helpless twitch as another shock of arousal spears through his gut.

“Jesus Christ, Tim, shut your filthy mouth,” he gasps, even as he arches into Tim’s persistent touch.

Tim does, or rather he captures Jon’s mouth again, and Jon can’t do anything but whine into it as Tim shoves their hips together, grinding uselessly through too many layers.

“Come on then, if you talk such a big game,” Jon mumbles when Tim’s fingertips sneak under the waistband of his trousers. “Take me to bed.”

Tim does, with enthusiasm, and strips them both clumsily, as fast as he can manage. When he finally has Jon bare and on his back he pauses, hovering over him, close but not close enough. “S’this okay?” He asks, ever considerate, and Jon takes a moment to acknowledge the way it makes his heart thump.

Then he reaches up and grabs a handful of Tim’s hair, dragging him down until they’re a hair's breadth apart, and breathes his words against Tim’s parted lips. “If you don’t split me open in the next ten seconds, I’ll never speak to you again.”

His words drag a predictable ruined moan from Tim’s throat as he slides his hand between Jon’s legs, fingers slipping easily through the mess that is quickly getting messier. He doesn’t bother to push them inside, knows Jon wants the stretch this time. Instead he just holds him open as the blunt head of his cock bumps against Jon’s entrance, slipping up once before it catches and Tim doesn’t waste a moment before thrusting shallowly inside.

“All the way?” He breathes, his thumb finding Jon’s dick and rubbing in a jerky rhythm.

Jon simply levels him with a look of passive disbelief and starts counting.

“Five. Four. Three—hhaa, AH!” He shouts as Tim shoves in deep, all at once, and he’s so wet that it’s easy but the stretch still stings so good, the first glance of Tim’s cock against his swollen insides making his eyes roll back as he grabs tight to Tim’s biceps and arches up against him.

“Christ, Jon, you’re so—“ Tim doesn’t finish his thought, dropping his head as he drags out slowly and then pushes sharply back in, knocking a high yelp out of Jon. His fringe flops over his eyes and Jon frees a hand to comb his fingers through it and shove it back, holding it there as Tim looks up at him through long lashes.

“Do something about it.” Jon says, rolling his hips and clenching hard around Tim, enjoying the way it makes Tim hiss and his hips jerk.

They fuck hard and sloppy, neither of them expecting this to be an affair in which they’ll be taking their time. Tim’s babbling starts up again real quick, after they fail to keep kissing because they keep breaking apart for forgetting to breath, and it’s so much, Jon can barely think.

“Is this why you always want me to come inside you? You little sneak. What if you’d missed your pill, hmm? Would you still let me? You want it so goddamn bad I bet you couldn’t resist begging me for it, begging me to pump you full of cum until it takes, yeah?”

Tim’s hand slides from Jon’s hip to press flat against his stomach. ”God you would look gorgeous all round with my baby,” he hisses, and those words from Tim’s mouth are so alien that it makes Jon feel fever-hot all over, his heart pounding in his throat. “You’re so fuckin tiny I bet you’d barely be able to move. All stuck because of what I did to you. All because you wanted me to fill you up so bad.”

“Tim, I’m starting to think I’m not the one who needs to be confronted about their— ah, their impractical kinks—“ Jon gasps as Tim snaps his hips sharply, shoving so deep that Jon shudders with the sweet aching pleasure. “Fuck, right there, come on—“

Perfectly obedient and on target as always, Tim groans and adjusts, hitting insistently right where Jon needs him. “Ask me,” Tim pants, and he’s close, Jon can tell by the way he gets quiet and focused, trembling ever so slightly with the effort of chasing that peak. And Jon is close too; honestly has felt it since Tim first pressed into him, his body coiled tight and waiting for just the right spark to set him off.

Jon pities Tim as his trembling increases, reaching up to hook an arm behind his neck and pull himself up, pull them flush together, giving him the leverage he needs to push back, rolling his hips up to meet Tim’s thrusts. Everything is hot and sweat-slick-sticky and Tim is gasping into his ear and Jon feels delirious with it. “Come in me, Tim, come on, give me all of it,” he manages to deliver, though he feels like he can’t get enough air. “Fuck me pregnant, I need it, want it so bad.”

Tim shudders and lets out a lovely broken moan, and his hand slides low, palm grinding against Jon’s dick and that first spurt of liquid heat inside Jon sends him over the edge too, his head lolling back as he clutches at Tim for dear life and spasms through his orgasm.

Before he’s really even come back to himself Tim is lowering him back to the bed and slipping out, only to quickly push two fingers inside. Jon whimpers and then jerks as Tim’s knuckle brushes against his swollen dick, oversensitive already.

“Wh—“ he blearily begins to ask but stops when he sees Tim’s face, eyes still wild and cheeks flushed as he stares at Jon’s messy cunt. He withdraws his fingers and makes a move like he’s catching whatever is spilling out, then presses them back in slow. Jon lets out a soft wanting sound and Tim looks up, then, a look that borders on mild embarrassment muddled with naked affection growing on his face as he meets Jon’s eye.

“Just gotta, you know…” he clumsily tries to explain. “Keep it all inside.”

Jon bites his lip as he smiles. “Mmhm. So that it’s sure to work.”

Tim flushes even darker, then, as if he’s realizing just how much he’d let himself go.

“Oh for Christ’s sake, don’t go getting embarrassed,” Jon says, opening his arms in invitation. “It was a perfectly welcome breakdown.”

Tim grumbles as he comes, gently taking his fingers back and wiping them on the sheets before settling into Jon’s arms, head pillowed on his chest. “It was not a breakdown.” He complains halfheartedly. “You’re just sexy. And you said you were horny, you never say that.”

Jon hums, petting at his hair. He’s secretly very much enjoying the way he feels thoroughly used, the way the spend is trickling out of him and soaking the sheets underneath. “Mmhm, okay.” He says, and Tim huffs.

They lay in languid, sleepy silence for a short while before an idea presents itself to Jon, and he has to bite his lip to keep from laughing, collecting himself enough to deliver the lie.

“Oh, fuck. Tim…” He says, donning a look of abject horror when Tim raises his head in alarm.

“What?” Tim asks, eyes wide.

“I think… I think I did miss my pill today,” Jon says, letting his lips part in mock fear, bringing a concerned hand to his chest for further effect.

Tim visibly pales, pushing up on an elbow. “You’re lying to me.” He grabs Jon’s hip. “Jon. Jon the scene is over, you don’t have to keep hamming it up,” he says frantically, shaking Jon slightly.

Jon has to fight hard not to smile, keeping his expression dead serious. “No, no, I really think I’m out,” he says with a hint of desperation.

Fully sitting up, Tim puts a palm to his forehead, looking like he’s seen a ghost. “Jesus Christ, okay, um, God, alright, well, I think I could get ahold of a crib for cheap, uh,”

Jon is grinning the moment Tim looks away, covering his mouth with his hand. Tim carries on, no longer paying Jon any mind as he babbles. “Christ do you even have health insurance? What do pregnant people eat? Fuck, Bouchard is going to hate giving you maternity leave—“

Unable to stand it any longer, Jon snorts and then fully breaks into laughter as Tim looks at him, confused and distraught. “Jon, this isn’t funny,” he pleads. “What if you die, you’re so tiny.”

Jon curls in on himself with laughter as Tim grows increasingly more confused, reaching out to grab Jon’s shoulders.

“It was a joke, Tim,” Jon manages to wheeze out after a long moment. “I can’t get pregnant anymore oh my god— you know that I don’t take a pill—”

The range of emotions that flit across Tim’s face definitely includes mild disappointment, which makes something flutter in Jon’s chest, but it settles very quickly on great offense.

“You bastard,” Tim gasps, shaking Jon by his shoulders. “I believed you, you absolute cunt, oh my god.”

Jon just laughs even harder, until his sides ache and Tim has to kiss him to shut him up.

“I’m never fucking you again, you monster,” he says, and Jon snickers.

“I can live with that.”

“Oh, piss off.”

“Oh, that too? I mean, if you really want, but I think this new experience was enough for one day…”

Tim digs his fingers into Jon’s sides, growling playfully as Jon laughs and squirms.

“You’re a horrible man, Jonathan Sims.”

“You adore me.”

“Worst decision I ever made.”