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His Heaven

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The sky is blue, no clouds to be seen. Birds singing and I can't help but silently curse it. Why do they carry on, blissfully unaware that my whole world has crashed around me. I sob quietly as Sam pats the dirt with the shovel, under that dirt is the only man I ever loved. His ashes mixed with the dirt, his grave marked only a small wooden cross. This is how it ends, Dean Winchester, the righteous man who faced down both heaven and hell for freedom, died by the hands a common demon. I was too late, too weak to save him. "Come on Cas." Sam says as he brushes off his knees. I see the tears he tries to hide when he turns to make the trek to the impala. "Just give me moment, please" he nods and walks away. "I'm not ready to say goodbye," I whisper under my breath. I drop to my knees, no longer having the strength to hold myself.

I feel the air around me shift, I look up. Before this moment I never understood how humans saw us angels, not until I look up and see him, framed by the sun, the air escaped my lungs. "Hey Cas" I couldn't respond at first then I was able to force out a response "how are you here we burnt your body?" Dean smiles and crouches beside me. "My body wasn't the thing keeping me on earth, Cas." I smile trying to keep tears from streaming down my face. There are so many things to be said, to apologize for, for not being there to save him, for fighting, for not telling him I loved him before I left even though I was angry. All of that and more was said and forgiven silently between our eyes in the language only we know. Dean smiles to me that smile was the sun parting the clouds in my heart no longer hating the world for being happy because my world was back where it belonged, right infront of me.

"Cas, I want you to come with me... It's just I'm worried, worried that when I get to heaven I won't have one, cause you're here. Cas, you are my heaven." The tears are freely flowing now, I'm so unused to this overwhelming flood of joy inside me coming out as tears of blessed happiness. "What about Sam?" I don't want to just abandon Sam so soon after his brother. "He has Kevin,he'll find a nice girl, get married, he'll understand."

Stepping to the window of the impala as Sam rolls down the window. "Let's go, Cas." "I won't be coming Sam." Sams face is confused, then he smiles "you're going with him aren't you?" He says rather than asks with an understanding smile. "It's okay Cas if I had a choice I would've gone with Jess" I sigh a breath of relief. "Dean and I want you to be happy, get out of the hunting business, get married, have a family." He smiles "tell him I love him. Goodbye, Cas" we embrace "Goodbye Sam"

"Ready?" Dean asks hand on the door knob in front of us. "Ready" I say nodding my head and smiling. He opens the door and shields his eyes, light flooding out around us. We walk through the door.

We open our eyes and we're in a bar, the roadhouse. " what? This is heaven?" Dean says incredulously. "Dean!" We look to see a group of people coming toward us. "Mom, Dad, Bobby, Jo, Ellen? What are you doing here?" They all embrace dragging him closer to them, further from me. He's so happy here with his family, no need for me. "You finally got the family you always wanted, be happy Dean" I say as I turn to walk back out of the door, before I was able to take another step a hand grabbed my wrist " I can't, not without you" he spins me around and pulls me to him. "Come on Cas let's meet the family." I finally know exactly where I belong.