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Other Worlds

Chapter 36: The Final Blow

Notes:

The usual TW’s lovelies. Enjoy xx

Chapter Text

  Toni knew before she even turned around. “Carol.” Her voice shook. She moved to face her slowly, hands raised. An instinctual gesture that was necessarily not likely to improve her situation.

  The second she met the older woman’s eyes, she knew that there was an almost zero percent chance that she was going to come out of this unscathed. 

  Carol looked detached, like she was outside her own body, every inch of her face stone cold and her eyes totally vacant. Toni had seen Carol is many states but there was something about this seething, quiet and cold anger that made Toni genuinely wondered if she would get out of this one at all.

  “Toni. You have no idea what you’ve done.” She spoke calmly, the untrained ear might not have been able to detect the venom in Carol’s voice but Toni knew the woman well. Knew that she had hit a breaking point. 

  She looked around for something in the room that could help her but it was totally empty, even down to the coat hangers.

  She couldn’t have come in before I packed everything? she thought bitterly.

  Toni wondered what happened to Melanie, whether Carol had hurt her or if she had left her alone. Surely she wasn’t that inexperienced? Maybe she didn’t actually believe her? Toni tried not to spiral. She couldn’t split her focus now, not when Carol was looking at her as though she was already dead.

  “Carol, I’m sorry. I couldn’t do it any more. I just don’t understand why you do it? What do you actually get from this?” Keep her talking, Toni thought.

  With trembling hands, Carol popped an oxy… probably from the bag that she had recovered from Toni’s room. Withdrawal. Surely Toni had the upper hand here then?

  “You have no idea what it was like for me to grow up in the house that I did…” Carol stared off into the distance for a moment before coming back to herself and laughing dryly, “Well, I suppose you understand some of it.”

  Toni decided to stay quiet. Opting to let Carol fill in the blanks herself.

  “My father… was a cold man. He grew impatient with my mother very rapidly. But my mother was smart, she took his beatings, choosing to release the tension on her own kids instead of on her husband who she knew could easily overpower her.”

  Toni’s heart tried to sympathise, knowing the feeling, but she squashed it down, no good could come of her becoming distracted by Carol’s story. It was just to keep her occupied until the police arrived. If Melanie even had the chance to call them, the dark part of her brain whispered to her, the intrusive thought weakening her confidence.

  Carol continued her story fingers running over the fixtures in Toni’s room, “I remember it as though I was yesterday. The day I finally realised that, like my mother, I could have it too.”

  Toni was afraid to ask. “Have what?”

  Carol sucked her teeth, her nostrils flaring, “What have I told you about interrupting!” She sighed loudly and shook her head, regaining her composure. “Power. Control. Survival instinct. Whatever you want to call it, it lived in my mother. And I respected that about her, but I had it too, and I don’t think she really knew that until that day.”

  Toni resisted the urge to ask about the day in question, afraid of being berated again. Her eyes subtly flitted around the room for anything that could be used as a weapon. 

  “Aren’t you going to ask about that day?” Carol snapped before muttering furiously, “Like having a conversation with a fucking wall. This stupid girl.”

  Toni seethed but replied as calmly as she could, “What happened?”

  “My mother had just finished with my brother. He was weak. Always was and always will be. Took the beating like… well, like you actually. Like a coward.” She paused as she tried to find where she was in the story again. “Anyway, I snapped that day. I was 14 and I had taken it my whole life. I pushed her but… I guess I do regret how she landed.”

  Toni tried not to picture it and hoped Carol wouldn’t elaborate.

  By some miracle, Carol moved on, becoming emotional herself. Toni was surprised she was even capable of emotion in the robotic state she was in.

  “Then we were stuck with my father. A good man, but a weak man who only preyed on people weaker than him.”

  Toni tried not to heave, the pieces coming together. If this was about to go where she thought it was then Toni realised she was just some sick challenge to Carol. Someone to make her feel like less of a coward. Someone to make her feel the opposite of how she felt when she was young. Someone to make her feel like her mother.

  Carol chewed at her long nails mindlessly. “You are gonna be just like me. Watch. You love when you feel the anger. you love to win a fight. You might not see it now but you will.”

  Toni knew it was a bad idea, but she finally lost it, the comment being thrown at her on the wrong day.

  Toni nodded pressing her tongue into her cheek, “Okay,” she deadpanned, and punched her in the face. 

  It was a feeling she had wanted to feel for a long time, but after Carol’s speech, it was also a feeling that repulsed her. The feeling of pleasure at harming another human being.

  Carol’s reaction; however, was not what she expected. 

  There was a smile plastered on her face, the blood from her nose dribbling down into her mouth.

“Finally,” Carol said menacingly. Standing tall and strong.

  Toni must have looked confused. “Oh, you think you’re the only one that’s fought back? That’s cute. All of my placements fought back, you are the weakest one so far.”

  Toni resisted the urge to tell Carol that ‘so far’ was inaccurate, she was going to be the last. Her confidence waning a little at the realisation that Carol had done this with all of her foster kids so far and not gotten caught. 

  Carol must have read her mind. “They all ran away. It was okay though. They all had a history of that anyway. There was no reason for social services to dig any deeper, they were all fuck ups anyway.”

  “Like you?” `Toni spat, unable to stop the words from spilling out. She flinched in anticipation but Carol remained a few feet away from her. Laughing.

  “Yeah, and like you.” Carol shrugged. “Like your mother, too. Your file was very revealing, and Melanie was very helpful before you got her all tangled up in your sob story.”

  Fuck, Melanie, Toni thought, a shiver rolling down her spine. “What did you do to her?” 

  “Your mother? Nothing. She got her self killed, I didn’t have anything to do with that. You were there though. So maybe have a little look inward. Some self-awareness might do you good.”

  Every word hit Toni one at a time. Her mother had died that day. That’s why she didn’t remember it. That’s what her brain was trying to protect her from. The fact that her mother had died and Toni was completely useless to her.

  She wasn’t doing well without Toni at all.

  Toni hadn’t actually had a chance since she was 9 years old. She had been doomed to a life of foster care without realising it at all. All those years of false hope. Wiped off the table in seconds. 

  She’s looking for a reaction, Toni thought rationally. You are more likely to come out of this alive if you don’t react. She bit her tongue until it bled, trying to keep her face as straight as possible.

  “No,” she bit out, her voice strained. “Melanie.”

  “Waiting dutifully outside my bedroom door where you stupidly told her to wait. So actually, I guess I have you to thank for the opportunity to have this conversation! There are two bathrooms in this house you know,” she pointed out patronisingly. 

  Carol scrunched her eyebrows thoughtfully, her face lighting up as she realised something. “Ah! That’s what I was gonna ask. How is your girlfriend…. Shelby is it? Her dad was very upset to learn about her activities with you when I rang him. Is she settling into camp?” 

  Toni saw red.

  She couldn’t stop herself from drawing her arm back, lurching forward slamming her fist into Carol’s disgusting smug face again.

  Only her fist her dry wall, denting it as pieces of paint crumbled onto the back of her hand. There was nothing that she wanted more than to get her revenge on Carol. For herself and Shelby. But that was not how she was going to play this. She wasn’t gonna defeat Carol by being Carol, if all of the foster kids that came before her were any indication.

  A glance to her left showed her that she was right. Carol looked disappointed. 

  With a sharp glare in Carol’s direction, Toni took a step back and said, “I am not going to fight you to fuel some sick role play fantasy bullshit to do with your mother’s abuse. I’m not fucking interested.”

  It must have been the noise of Toni’s fist hitting the wall but Melanie was the next voice she heard. “Carol, whatever you are doing in there, there is no point the police are coming.” The door knob rattled. “Toni, It’s going to be okay. Just, hold on. Please I’m trying to- fuck. This fucking door.  You’re going to be okay.” Melanies voice was shaking and it evident in the way it wavered unevenly that she was crying.

  Carol gazed at Toni in silence, considering her next move.

  The more Melanie panicked the harder the wave of fear flowing through Toni crashed together. She might actually have been fucked. Because now Carol had nothing left to lose; she was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t. 

  So Toni wasn’t even remotely surprised when a fist drove into her ribs, winding her and sending her to the ground. A swift kick to the head followed before she could even catch her breath. 

  Everything went black. 

————

  Toni enjoyed the peaceful bubble of nothingness that she briefly lived in. It was better than being asleep and better than being awake. There was absolutely nothing in her head at all. No dreams, no intrusive thoughts, nothing. 

  Just total blankness. It felt as though her brain was put in it’s own sensory deprivation tank. Everything was totally muted for a serene moment.

  Unfortunately, it was short lived. She groaned as the world sharply hummed back into focus, starting with a whistle tone bussing in her ears and light just visible behind her eye lids.

  After that. Pain.

 White fire spreading through her ribs, her back, her head, her legs. She cried out. But that hurt too.

  Muffled voices chattered loudly, If Toni could speak, she probably would have told them to shut up. She distantly heard a familiar voice. She knew it was right there but it felt miles away, her brain was registering things weirdly. It made her feel ill.

  “It’s okay, it’s gonna be fine. Toni I’m here.” 

  A maternal voice. Not her mother’s. 

  Her mother was dead.

  She felt herself drifting into the blankness again and was grateful to surrender into it again.

————

  She registered a presence beside her before she even opened her eyes. 

  A unnatural, unwanted perk of the live she’d lived.

  Suddenly, she startled, remembering the confrontation with Carol. What had happened? Was she still there?

  Her heart raced. 

  She frenetically tried talk, her words coming out rough and scratchy. Every syllable less coherent than the last until she was just groaning.

  “Hey, hey. It’s okay. The doctors said this would happen. You have to be patient.” Bernice. Toni instantly felt safer.

  She relaxed slightly. 

  But tensed up again soon after realising that Bernice shouldn’t be there. She shouldn’t know.

  “She’s awake again.” She heard Bernice call out lightly. 

  Toni opened her eyes slowly, her eyelids peeling away from each other as if they had been pasted shut. The world was bright and every surface that she looked at hurt them.

  She felt a hand in hers and turned her head to the side. Bernice. She wasn’t sure if she had imagined her voice, but she was there. Tears welled up in her eyes, soothing the dryness she had felt in them since opening them. 

  “Hi,” she tried to mumble, her vocal cords rubbing together like sandpaper. 

  Bernice smiled her comforting, motherly smile and Toni felt a lightness in her chest for the first time in a long time. 

  “Hi, Toni. You with us this time?” Her eyes crinkled in the corners

  Toni didn’t know what she meant but she nodded anyway.

  The sound of a throat clearing caught her attention.

  “Hello, I’m Dr Matthews.” The man had blonde-ish grey hair and kind eyes. A white lab coat hung nicely on his shoulders. Toni thought he looked very smart and impressive.

  A nurse walked in and started fiddling with the machines and buttons beside her bed. She morbidly considered whether the nurse might press the wrong button and send her off again. She needed to have more trust in people. “I’m not sure if you are aware of our last conversation. Can you nod yes if or no?” Dr Matthews continued.

  Toni shook her head. She had never seen this guy before.

  “Okay,” he sighed a little impatiently. He sat down and took his glasses off. “You suffered a violent assault at the hands of your foster mother. To my knowledge she has been placed under arrest.” Toni shuddered at the reminder, images flashing in her head. “Your um, condition was critical. There was significant head trauma, along with injuries to your chest including a broken rib which caused a traumatic pneumothorax — A punctured lung” he corrected himself. “We treated this with a chest tube and the lung was able to repair itself; though, you will feel some tenderness in the area for a few weeks.”

  Toni hadn’t realised that Carol had done that much damage. Not that she remembered or was awake for at least. 

  “You also suffered a range of contusions and lacerations, and a fractured wrist. You have significant abdominal bruising and were very lucky that you didn’t fracture your spine.” Dr Matthews cringed, “well, not lucky. Just uh, well. Yes. Fortunate.”

  It wasn’t much better and Toni felt bad for the guy but couldn’t find a way to communicate that it was okay. So she blinked a couple times and forced a pained smile.

  “Of course; you sustained some superficial injuries to your face which I’m sure you just felt there, right?”

  Toni nodded painfully. She wasn’t going to smile again if she could help it.

  “What we were most concerned about was the swelling on your brain. You were placed into a medically induced coma for 5 days which meant you had to go onto a ventilator which you only just came off of early this morning. Hence the dryness in your throat. That should clear up before long.”

  It was too much information for Toni to process. She entertained the thought that her brain wasn’t working properly anymore because of the head trauma but it frightened her to think so she brushed the thought off. 

  “Your level of alertness is a good sign. We will need to continue to monitor you for a few days but, in my professional opinion, you are physically out of the woods.” Dr Matthews got up to leave, a somber but hopeful look on his face. “As for the mental recovery, that might be longer. You have a few friends that have been in and out of your room. I actually know some of them by name, they are here so frequently. Hold on to that support system Toni. I’ll check in on you later.”

  He smiled warmly at Bernice before leaving, the nurse following in his steps. 

  She wondered if Shelby was there. If she was one of the friends he knew by name. But she knew she wasn’t. There was no way. Toni’s hell had seemingly just ended but Shelby’s was worse than ever before. 

  Bernice filled the silence in Dr Matthew’s absence, answering all the questions that Toni’s voice wouldn’t allow her to ask. She had been in an induced coma for 5 days but spent all of yesterday coming out of it which caused her to become quite confused and agitated (Bernice’s words. The truth would probably have been ‘aggressive’ which Toni immediately felt ashamed of). Martha now knew and would be there soon. In fact all of the girls knew. But Dot knew first because she had received a text from someone telling her to look out for Toni that night. Toni immediately knew it was Shelby. Which made her heart ache.

  Bernice finished her explanation, most of it sat in a strange space in Toni’s mind, like it was floating around and her brain was having a hard time grabbing it. She hoped it would be temporary but was too afraid to find out at that point.

  Footsteps rapidly approached. “Toni!” A voice that radiated comfort. A voice that she had missed so much. 

  “Martha,” she croakily replied, finally able to form something resembling a word.

  Toni could see Martha hold back from hugging her, visible effort on her face. It made her want to smile. And cry. And finally just talk to her best friend. 

  “I got myself in a bit of trouble Marty,’ she whispered painfully through a choked sob.

  Martha smiled sadly, tears streaming down her face silently. “I know.”

  She patted the bed beside her and tried to move over for Martha to sit. Gently and mindfully, Martha slid into the bed with her, carefully avoiding touching Toni in any way.

  “I’m not gonna break,” her voice cracked roughly. “Again,” she joked half heartedly, the attempt at wit falling a bit flat, but Martha still laughed loudly, humouring whatever dark jokes that Toni needed to make at that moment. Toni appreciated it.

  Little by little each of her friends entered the room until they were all sitting around Toni’s bed. Sharing stories, telling jokes and trying to lift her up. 

  Toni appreciated the normalcy. Everything else could wait.

  She was tired, but so grateful to have those people in her life that she let them stay even when she could barely keep her eyes open any longer. They were her people. Her family. And she needed that now more than ever.