Silva has no idea what she's doing - which scares her more than she'd like to admit - but she's spurred on by the little gasps and moans Song makes as she learns the curves and dips of her body.
But even as she kisses a blazing trail down Song's exposed skin, a part of her is in disbelief that she's in Song's room aboard the Grandcypher doing this , that it's real and not a dream, but Silva is well aware of how she ended up in this situation even if she has had one too many beers.
It was her own drunken whispers in Song's ear that had led to them kissing on the way back from their dinner (that was most certainly a date even if neither of them voiced it out loud).
She remembers the slant of Song's lips against hers, soft but steady. She remembers how Song had taken her hand, stroking the back of it softly with her thumb and asked if Silva wanted to stay with her tonight.
How she had said yes.
And now she's drinking Song in, a sight and taste far more sweet and delicate than the beer she was chugging earlier.
Song's body is a work of art; a contrast of taut muscle and soft curves and faded battle scars that Silva almost loses herself in, letting her mouth and hands meander across soft skin as her heart pounds a staccato rhythm in her chest.
A nip on her collarbone.
A thumb running mindless but also very deliberate circles on her inner thigh.
Each note she draws from Song's mouth is like a melody of its own, the sounds a balm for the nervous tremors in her hands that even the buzz of alcohol cannot ease.
She knows she's overthinking things; that she just needs to go with the flow. But that's never really been her strong suit. She's starting to feel like she's in over her head, really.
She's in unfamiliar territory and the sniper in her is more used to waiting, watching, observing for hours on end until it's time to pull the trigger.
So while she could spend an eternity learning the score of Song's body, discovering every sensitive spot, she's hesitant to go any further.
She doesn't want her first time with Song to be when they're both well, not quite sober. But Song asked her to stay despite this which surely implies that she… that she wants to-
Silva is pulled out of her thoughts by a hand that cups her cheek gently. Song's gaze is piercing even in the dim candlelight and Silva swallows heavily under the weight of it, her ministrations coming to a pause.
She's been tracing the waistband of Song's underwear for far too long - her hesitation was clearly noticed. Silva curses internally, fully aware that those sharp amber eyes can see the heavy blush that stains her cheeks.
"It's okay," Song says with a soft smile. "We don't need to do anything you're not comfortable with." She shifts awkwardly under Silva, her eyes darting off to the side. Silva's eyesight pales in comparison to Song's, but she's quite sure that her cheeks have gone a bit pink. "I… um, I'm not quite sure I'm ready yet either."
A sigh of relief escapes Silva's lips as all the tension that had built up inside her bleeds out at Song's admission, like a deflating balloon. Now that mood has calmed, a sudden flash of awareness strikes her about her current position; how she's pressed up against Song from hip to shoulder, able to feel every inch of Song's exposed skin against her own.
"A-Ah, sorry I've been leaning on you this entire time um-" She hastily pushes herself up off her forearms, leaning back so she's kneeling and no longer crushing Song.
But Song merely laughs, the sound soft and airy like a wind chime, and Silva leans into the fingers that start stroking her cheek fondly. "You were really nervous about this, weren't you?"
"I-" Silva chokes, a strangled wheeze escaping her lips as her eyes bug out in alarm. Face aflame, she presses her fist against her mouth to contain any further embarrassing noises. "...Yes," she eventually admits, the sound muffled by the back of her hand.
"Hehe, if I'm honest… I was too. I didn't expect our d-date to turn out like this."
A date . Song called it a date! Earlier mortification forgotten, Silva's heart swells with fondness for the other woman. But then she considers the rest of Song's words and frowns in confusion. "Wait. Song, what do you mean?"
Song's eyes widen, apparently not having expected Silva to ask, and this time Silva is certain that she's blushing. She guestures vaguely between the two of them. "I, um, forgot how forward you are when you're drunk…"
Something dark and cold twists inside Silva's stomach. She had- Song hadn't wanted to- "I'm so sorry Song, I didn't mean to push you into-"
"Oh! That's not it at all, Silva!" Song cuts across her with wide eyes, grabbing Silva's wrist to stop her from leaving. The heavy pit in Silva's chest starts to loosen. "I-I wanted this. Wanted you . A lot." She bites her lip, brows furrowed in contemplation, so Silva waits patiently taking in every flicker of emotion on Song's face.
She'd wait an eternity for Song and that's why she'd been so scared that she'd moved things too fast and ruined their relationship. The thought of not talking to Song again, of them avoiding each other like they had after she'd called Song a monster... It was unbearable.
"Silva." And once again Silva is drawn out of her negative thoughts by Song.
Silva is taken back by the sheer determination in Song's gaze when she slides her hand up to lay on top of Silva's, and then guides it lower and lower until Silva's hand is between Song's thighs and her fingers brush against the damp silk of Song's underwear.
Silva's breath catches heavily in her throat at the realisation, her eyes drawn down like magnets to where her fingers can feel the obvious evidence that Song had more than enjoyed Silva's touch.
"Oh ," she tries to say, but it comes out as more of a squeak than anything. She thinks she's perhaps died a little bit. Her heart feels as though it's about to burst out of her chest and is she even breathing her head feels alarmingly light. Can she even move? She's too afraid to try lest she accidentally touch Song's…
But then her hand is moved away by Song's, and Silva releases the breath that had been apparently caught in her chest. "S-See?" Song says shakily, and Silva swallows heavily under the heat of her gaze.
And that's all Silva manages to say. She desperately wants to say more, to let Song know how turned on she is after-
But she can't. The words are trapped behind her lips and she no longer has the confidence from the liquid courage thrumming in her veins.
And so an awkward silence grows between them, both sneaking brief but loaded glances at each other. But no one makes a move; neither woman sure of what to do about the heated atmosphere between them.
The only thing that stops Silva from bursting into flames from sheer mortification is how uncertain Song appears too.
It takes another painful minute of awkward eye contact for Silva to realise how ridiculous they're being. Not wanting Song to see how red her face is, she tips forward until her head falls into the crook of Song's neck. She chuckles weakly against Song's skin. "Why are we so terrible about talking about these kinds of things?"
Silva can feel Song smile into her hair. "Hehe, I guess we're still the same after all," she eventually says.
Silva can't help but laugh louder this time, wrapping Song into a hug. "I guess so indeed."
Song's room is quiet for a time as they relax in each other's arms; there's little noise save for the ambient creaking of the Grandcipher and the little puffs of air that Song exhales near Silva's ear. It's a comforting sound, and Silva finds her eyelids growing heavy at its consistent rhythm. She's nearly drifted off when her name is whispered softly.
"Will… we be okay after this? After tonight?"
The question would've sent Silva into a panic at any other time, but her mind is heavy with sleep so her response is to merely pull Song closer. "Of course," she eventually manages to say, tightening her hold around Song. "You're… My best friend… Nothing will ever change that." A thought occurs to her, and she smiles sleepily. "Although I don't just wanna be fr..."
"'Don't just want to be'..? Silva??"
But Silva's sound asleep, her breaths deep and steady. Song sighs with a fond exasperation.
"I really should have expected that."