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Things to Remember When Loving Baz Pitch

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He loves pet names

Every time you call him Darling, his face melts in the softest expression: his lips curl up gently and the corners of his eyes wrinkle a little, big grey eyes looking at you in awe. Maybe it's because he never thought he could ever have this or maybe it's because you really are a terrible boyfriend and don't show enough affection and he has to accept crumbs of love. Either way, that expression is worth dying for. Or maybe, it's worth living for. Sometimes loving someone is difficult, but never with Baz; if it makes him happy, always call him by soft names (calling him Baby makes you feel stupid, but makes him flush bright red, so it's totally worth it, do it often)(but not too often, or he'll get used to it and won't blush anymore). 

 

When he is studying, he forgets to take care of himself

Having good grades is really important to him and he is often too caught up in his books and essays to take care of himself; he'll forget to drink and eat, sometimes even sleep. During exam weeks, he'll get grumpy and moody, but it's not your fault; help him take some time off and relax. Tea makes him feel better - especially that weird vanilla one, so always make sure that his mug is full and there are biscuits next to it. Open the window and let him get some fresh air, cook for him and let him spend the night at the flat (he sleeps better when he is with you and he really needs to have a good sleep when he's already so stressed out). Whenever you walk past him, brush your fingers on his shoulders or through his hair, place a kiss on top of his head; he won't say anything, but hums appreciatively. When the circles around his eyes become too dark, take his hand and lead him to your bedroom; he'll pout and scowl, but in the end he'll curl up around you and fall asleep in a matter of seconds. Hold him tightly, he needs you to. 

 

He still thinks he is a monster

It doesn’t matter how many times you tell him that he is more human than everyone else, with his kindness and generosity, he still struggles with who he is. However, it’s getting easier for him to see that he is way more than just two sharp canines. There are times, quite possibly when we’ve run out of pig blood from the butcher and he has to go hunting, when he’ll shy away: he doesn’t want you to see what he sees when he looks in the mirror. He’s not a monster and he never will be, tell him so, he needs to hear it as often as possible. Words aren’t enough, though. Take him to bed and lay on top of him, hide him from the world in the canopy of your wings, and place your head on his beating heart: slow and steady. Gently tap the rhythm of his heartbeat on his chest, he’ll relax and wraps his arms tightly around you. And then, well, then make love to him as gently as you can, he’ll try to hasten the pace, to prove to himself that he is just a monster who takes what he wants: don’t let him. Instead, bring the big mirror next to the bed and make him watch his reflection while you take him slowly apart, it’ll make him see a different reflection: a Baz so full of love and happiness that he’s about to explode. Never stop murmuring against his skin while you do that, it keeps him anchored to you. And to reality.

 

He hates the dark

After the numpties, he can’t stay in a completely dark space, even if you are with him. Always make sure that the curtains are open at least a few inches (don’t let him see that you check if there is enough light in the room before going to sleep, because he’ll cringe and feel guilty). He struggles with night-time, even if it’s not completely dark, because it’s when his inner vampire is more awake and it reminds him of what he is and what he has to do to survive (he really, really hates that he has to drink blood). He often wakes up trembling and crying because of nightmares: don’t try to make him talk about it, just hold him tightly and murmur gentle words in his hair until he falls back asleep. He sleeps better if he can smell you, so if you have to wake up earlier than him and leave him alone in bed, place the t-shirt you wore that day on the mattress next to him and place a kiss on his forehead before leaving (the second thing is not necessary, but he’s too cute when he’s sleeping not to kiss him).

 

He loves when you kiss his neck, but be gentle

Every time you kiss his neck, he shivers and takes in a sharp breath; goosebumps will appear on his arms right after his cheeks flush a little (if he’s had enough blood). It doesn’t matter if you do it to turn him on, or just because he’s hugging you and his neck is right there and so beautiful that you just can’t help brushing your lips against it: he loves it. He loves it very much. However, be gentle when you do that, because there are scars and painful memories embroided in the soft skin of his neck. There is a spot, right under his ear, where the worst day of his life is still branded. At first, you avoided it, because you thought it’d hurt him if you touched it, bringing his mind back to the memories of that day, but now... Oh, now you know you were wrong about that. He’ll never say it, but he cherishes when you trail kisses on his scar. It’s about replacing bad memories with new ones. Better ones. Always, always, always, be gentle, though. Don’t bite and don’t bruise him there (you have plenty of other parts of his body to do that), what he needs are kindness and love. Be kind and tell him you love him, while placing the softest of kisses under his ear.

 

Sometimes he is afraid to touch you

You’ve both been through hell and he knows that some of the wounds on your skin haven’t turned into scars, yet. He knows that you still struggle with being touched and kissed, he knows that sometimes it just all becomes a little overwhelming. The problem is that he knows these things all damn too well. You’ve come far, that much is true, but not far enough to forget when you walked away from his touch: frightened and sad. Now, you almost never feel like that with him anymore, but he isn’t quite sure about that. He thinks that if he pushes, you’ll break. Even if now things are easier, now that you can laugh and talk and kiss without fear (too much fear, anyways), there is still a thin wall between you two. There are times when you are just too caught up in each other to think and those times are incredible, because you’re so high on love that you can’t form coherent thoughts or ask yourself if you are enough (good enough, pretty enough, skilled enough). Other times, things are hard. He doesn’t move, he doesn’t touch, he doesn’t talk unless you ask him to. So, always be sure to tell him just how good he makes you feel and how much you love him. These are the most important things for him when you are wrapped up in each other: that you feel good and that you love him. You do both things, painfully so.

 

His obsession with clothes

Baz is obsessed with his clothes, you learned as much the first time you told him that half of your closet was his (how he smiled at that). Back at Watford, you weren’t allowed anywhere near his wardrobe, so you never noticed how he sorts them by colour and meticulously arranges them on the hangers. If there is anything he loves more than his clothes, it’s when his clothes are on you. Especially the football jersey with the word Pitch embroidered between the shoulders (you adore wearing it because everyone can see that you belong to him – even if you just wear it at the flat and only Penny is around). I think he likes that for the exact same reason, even if I haven’t been able to make him confess yet. As the incredible sap he is, I know that he goes crazy if our clothes match when we go outside. The first time happened by chance, and he grinned widely when he saw you waiting for him at the exit of university, wearing the same wool sweater as him (a Christmas gift from Daphne – matching dark grey jumpers). Since that time, remember to make it happen from now and then, because it makes him happy (even if all you do is match the colour of your t-shirt to his bowtie).

 

Sometimes he’s too worried about you, to do what he loves

It doesn’t happen as often as it used to, but sometimes he still walks on eggshells around you and becomes so worried that he forgets that he matters too. He forgets to live, from time to time, because of you and his concerns. So it’s your duty to remind him that he is allowed to be happy; that he deserves to be happy. Don’t tell him that directly, because you’ll both end up shouting at each other. Instead, live with him. Make him do what he loves – he’ll do it more willingly if he thinks it can help you deal with life. Ask him to play the violin or read to you, cuddle with him just because he looks cute sprawled on the couch, cook him that weird avocado toast he likes. He deserves to be treated as he treats you: with care and gentleness. And love, so much love. You can give him all your love without being afraid: he’ll never have enough of it, he told you as much.

 

He sleeps better when he is with you

He won’t ask, but he loves to spend the night at your flat and fall asleep in your arms. You’ll notice it’s one of those nights – when he doesn’t know how to ask – because he’ll yawn loudly, just to make sure you see how tired he is and then he’ll curl up around you on the couch, seeking cuddles. You sleep better when he is around too, so you’re not really sure why he won’t just curl up in your bed without asking (obviously it’s because you are a terrible boyfriend and you put him in a position where he has to ask for anything). It doesn’t matter, you’ll get there one day. One day soon. For the moment, just take his hand, lead him to your bedroom and make sure he knows you’ll never let him go. You’ve come so far and with his forehead pressed against your neck, your legs tangled, and your hands in his hair, there is nothing you cannot face: not even the lines set by you. You’ll overcome them together. One day. You have time.

 

He loves you with all that he is

You’ve both made so many mistakes in your lives, but finding each other isn’t one of them. Finding your way into the arms of Baz Pitch, that day when the world was burning, is the best thing that ever happened to you. And to him. You can see it in the way he’s always ready to hold you, in the way he murmurs your name when you are making love to him, in the way he has your skin mapped in his head: moles and freckles, like a star chart. Maybe words aren’t enough between you two, but you’ve known the truth since that day he thought you were sleeping and murmured in your hair that you are the love of his life (maybe starting to cry wasn’t the best reaction, but oh, the way he kissed you). You are the love of his life and he is yours. Stop questioning why you and start being the you he deserves. Don’t waste another second, just go to him and kiss him, right now, right here, because he’s waiting for you to. Go!

 

 

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