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Never Trust Tea

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“Are you okay, Captain?” Petra asked one morning, “You usually aren't this quiet.” While Captain Levi of the Special Operation Squad was a man of few words, he usually had a few insults to give out in the morning as the tired team attempted to wake up.

The aforementioned captain took a huge gulp of his steaming hot tea before clearing his throat, “I’m fine.” he said, but it didn’t come out as intended. His voice was the verbal equivalent to nails on a chalkboard.

“Wow Levi, it sounds like you have been gargling glass over there!” Oluo commented, earning him a patented Levi glare.

The Captain tried again, clearing his throat once more. “I’m fine!” he rasped. The looks his squad gave him showed he was far from convincing them. As he took another sip, he failed to notice the scheming glances his team shared.

Finally, Gunther stood up, his chair squeaking slightly on the floor, “Well, I’m going to go start on chores,” he explained as he left the room, only for the rest of the squad, except Levi to follow shortly after.

Unfortunately, Levi thought he could trust his team to take his word as law and to accept that he was fine regardless of his raspy voice. It wasn’t until about two days later, he realized his grave mistake.

Levi knew he was sick, although he didn’t get sick often. Rest had never been an option in the underground, so why would he rest now? He had turned out fine, so why stop. But apparently, his team didn’t think his method of combating sickness was healthy and took things into their own hands.

It started out slow, with Oluo actually completing his paperwork and being respectful when handing it in. That should have tipped Levi off immediately, but he can admit he wasn’t on top of his game at the time. But even so, he should have questioned it when Petra asked if she could do anything for him for the fifth time in an hour.

In an attempt to get some quiet, which would hopefully help his pounding headache, he requested some tea. Although it should be hard to tamper with tea, especially a connoisseur such as Levi, he clearly underestimated his team.

After he was about ¾ done with his tea, Levi noticed his eyelids getting slightly heavier. “Odd”, he murmured to himself. He never felt tired at night, let alone during the day.

It wasn’t until lunchtime when Levi found himself dozing he realized what had happened. Although on the brink of sleep, Levi could still hear his squad outside his office.

“Okay, he should be out by now.” That was Petra.

“For real? Just like that?” Oluo. “He isn’t gonna pop out of nowhere and lecture us?”

“I gave him the right dosage.“ Gunther, he should have known.

“How did you even know poppy can act as a sedative?” Eld. Damn it, his entire squad was in on this.

“You don’t wanna know.”

Levi forced his 2-ton eyelids to open as his team entered his office. Oluo froze and squeaked at his Captain's open eyes. “GUYS HE'S AWAKE!” The panic in Oluo’s tone was worth the energy, Levi thought.

Petra stepped closer and gazed into his eyes, and let out a small giggle. “His eyes may be open but he can’t do anything.” She turned toward Eld and Gunther, “I bet the second you put him into bed he will be out. Go ahead and pick him up.”

Levi grumbled and let his eyes fall closed once again as his team picked him up. With one final burst of energy, he managed to get out one last threat. “When I can move again, you will wish you were being eaten by a titan.” Even to his own ears he didn’t sound threatening.

Eld, his own second in command, huffed at that. “Sure Captain, you do that.” And Levi found himself drifting off to sleep.


When Levi opened his eyes again, he felt his soft bleached sheets beneath him. Turning his head, he noted the lack of sunlight coming through his window. With a huff, he pried himself from his comfy bed, and with a small smile, he realized his headache was gone.

‘Maybe a nap was what I actually needed’ he thought.

Then he remembered. Captain Levi Ackerman doesn’t take naps! His team had drugged him!

Levi let out a laugh that could only be described as maniacal as he stood.

The Special Operation Squad, enjoying their dinner and sense of accomplishment at getting their Captain to rest felt a shiver run down their spines.

The blood drained from their faces as a laugh reached their ears.

They were so screwed.