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Phone A (Boy)Friend

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“Hello?” Derek’s voice comes through on the speakers.

"Derek, it's Casey, I need your help."

"If this is another booty-call, you'll need to wait. My break is only so long."

Her face goes bright red and the crowd chuckles at his response. “What, no? I need help with...”

He cuts her off, “Sure you do, call me back in an hour, then I can give you all the help you need.”

Casey, burning red, sputters, “Der-ek, I’m on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire and I have a question that you need to help me with.”

"Oh. Well you should have just said that," he says, without an ounce of shame in his voice. Derek starts eating some chips, and the sound of him eating is audible in the game show arena. Some snickers roll through the audience.

Regis Philbin looks scandalized at the sound of him eating over the phone. "Derek," he says, deciding to take over the conversation. "This is Regis Philbin. We've reached a crucial point in the game and Casey has used one of her lifelines to call you. Will you help her?"

Derek isn’t even fazed at the fact he’s currently speaking to one of the biggest game show celebrities in the world. "What question is she on?"

"This is the million dollar question, sir."

The sound of Derek hacking and coughing up his chips echoes in the arena. Casey buries her face in hands, unwilling to make eye contact with anyone.

"We're going for one million dollars, Derek," Regis stresses, eyeing Casey who looks mortified.

"Yeah--" Derek spits out. "I got that. What's the damn question?" he hisses into the phone, still coughing.

“So, that means you’ll help her?”

“Yeah, I'll help her.”

Regis clears his throat. "Casey. You have thirty seconds starting now."

On the overhead speaker, a countdown starts to tick down from thirty seconds. Casey clears her throat and reads out, "Quentin Tarantino's major Hollywood blockbuster 'Kill Bill' was inspired by which of the following Japanese films? The choices are A. Shogun Samurai, B. Lady Snowblood, C. Red Sun, or D. The Last Samurai?"

As the room grows silent, drinking could be heard as he downs what seems to be a bottle of water to help with chips he was choking on. "Seriously, Casey," Derek finally says. "I've made you watch every Tarantino movie, I’ve made you watch so many behind the scenes footage and interviews, and you still don't know?"

Casey very politely smiles while trying to keep her cool on national television. "Can you answer the question, I have a time limit please."

“How much time you got left? I want to be able to hold this over your head for years to come.”

"We have 15 seconds."

“Now, which one was it again? Hmmm...was it A, B, C, or D?”

“DER- EK!”

Derek sighs into the phone. "It's Lady Snowblood, thank me later princess," and with that final sentence, he hangs up the phone just as the time runs out.

Regis looks at Casey. “What are you thinking, Casey?”

Casey taps her fingers together, looking over all four options. “Regis, I’ll go with B. Lady Snowblood.”

“All right, Casey. Is that your final answer?”

Casey looks up at the ceiling, praying to god Derek hasn't just tried to humiliate her on TV. "Yes, it is."

“I’m sorry to say, Miss McDonald...” Regis remarks sadly, and all the spirit leaves her body. “You are the world’s newest millionaire.”

Casey forgets the urge to cry and instead she screams in absolute joy as the confetti rains down onto her, the crowd cheering wildly behind her.

She reminds herself to thank Derek personally later.