Pixie steps out of the front door to the house she now shared only with her father. He wasn't there when she woke up. No, he was already in the pub drowning away his tears in a gallon of beer and other opiates he dearly loved. He wasn't an old man, not at all. In fact, Pixie believed he could still find another love if he were to try. He was still in love with mom, it was obvious. But she left them. She didn't want them. And from then he was deadly lost.
Now with Nial gone too, his whole life crumbled, and all he was left was her; she knew it. Yet she couldn’t help hating the thought of being alone with him, being all he has got and him being everything she has in life. Only him.
The rubbish was dreadfully heavy as she carried it to the bin outside of her place. With one eye she scanned the house of the Stonems. It looked peaceful. By the window stood Jim, working on something that seemed quite important and she thought she had seen a silhouette of Anthea by the window in their bedroom. She looked somewhat concerned. There was no shouting, no dads spread on the sofa for they were black-out drunk, and there were no runaway brothers and mothers who abandoned their families. It looked perfect.
Going to the place I always called mine. Don't look for me.
She read on the cut-out paper Nial left for her to find. She had those words scarred in her memory like a virus she couldn't get rid of. Yet, she spent her time re-reading it all over again, anytime she would get the chance. It erupted a waterfall of emotions in her but it was always the anger that would win the battle. A few tears that were placed upon the edge of her eyes, ready to fall down her fresh makeup, and turn her beautiful face into a crying mess were stopped as she breathed in the air. “Fuck you, mom. “ She whispered chugging the paper in her pocket as she heard someone coming out of the house next to her.
“Oh, Whizzer! Look, Effie, it's Pixie! “A smiley blonde girl nudged her friend who was already smoking a cigarette. She didn't even flinch as she turned towards Pixie who desperately tried to fight back her tears. „Effy and I were just about to go out“
“Oh, Whizzer! Look Effy, it’s Pixie!” she said taking a hold of herself.
The girl jumped from excitement as she kept on talking and babbling, clearly the only one interested in engaging in a conversation. “We are going to pick up” she exclaimed already going somewhere else with her story.
“Pick up? “
“Yes! Effy what are we picking up? “She turned to her friend who casually smoked a cigarette perfectly keeping her distance from the dialog. “Drugs, “she said, her voice monotone.
“Right, drugs! “ Pandora was full of energy “Do you want to go with us? “
“She doesn't do drugs, “Effy said never once looking at her while talking “you're a good girl aren't you?“ She said finally taking a grasp of her lingering eyes.
Effy was somewhat right, Pixie thought. She didn't do drugs, she didn't really need them. She did try them a couple of times at the parties and decided she wasn't a fan of MDMA. But spliff? God, she loved spliff. Already shaken by thinking about Nial and mom, she was erupting a mess of emotions as Effy kept staring at her waiting for a response. But, Pixie knew one thing and that was to always keep a stern face. A smirk lit up on her lips traveling smoothly to Effy.
“You would be surprised. “ Effy didn't seem to care at all. She was untouched, unbothered by her answer, and just proceeded to smoke her cigarette, walking out in front of the two girls, indicating them to follow her.
An ally where they chimed in to pick up the drugs was dusty and cold. It felt strange, unusual, and sad. Its shimmering light covered so very little of the place. The moisture crept under one's skin, followed by a feeling of emptiness that covered an entire being in a split second, leaving behind a person covered in sweat and tears. A couple of old empty wooden baskets were spread on the floor in a corner, now only being a home for the rats.
“Who are we waiting for?” asked Pixie feeling her breath hitch and her palms sweat. She didn’t like the feeling she got from this place.
“A friend.” Answered Effy, a girl of many words usually.
“He’s super cute, Pixie. You’ll see” said Pandora. “I think he might surf and turf with me.”
In no more than a few minutes, a boy jumped in front of them. He was quite tall and looked as if he was about 19. A couple of blonde strands of hair fell in front of his eyes that were glistering blue. At first, he looked nice, Pixie noted. His short was shaggy, falling down his torso ever so smoothly, making him look way cooler than an average person looks. A half-smoked cigarette fell from his lips. Two fingers with some rings on them traveled to his mouth, taking the nicotine from it. His voice was deep but smooth as he talked to Effy.
“There you go.” They exchanged the goods and money when he looked around landing his eyes on Pixie “Who’s that?”
“I’m Pixie. Hi.” She smiled sweetly and he smiled back
“Hi, Pixie. I’m Matt.” He smiled mischievously, sticking his hand in front. He seemed charming. But something behind that smile of his made Pixie shiver. It made her stop and look deeper into his eyes. No, there was definitely something buried deep behind the piercing blue curtains. Something Pixie was sure she didn’t want to see.
“Who was that guy,” Pixie asked mainly Effy as the three girls sat at the bus station. She stood in between the two of them, Effy smoking a cigarette and Pandora doing whatever Pandora does. Cigarette smoke filled the air as a cold breeze swept through her hair.
“An old friend,” Effy answered
“Wow! You’ve got a whack a lot of doughnuts!” exclaimed Panda to somebody by her side
“Yes, of course, I have too many” he proposed, letting her take one doughnut for herself. Pixie politely rejected and Effy nonchalantly said “No, thanks”
Pandora and the boy who was named Thomas engaged in small talk until Pandora once again threw up. Great, Pixie thought but Thomas was swift to lend a helping hand so he took Panda over his shoulder and they walked back to Effy’s house. With a bugging feeling her dad is either not home yet or is home and drinking or shouting Pixie wasn’t so keen on going back home. So she didn’t.
Effy’s house was empty. It was quiet and peaceful. Effy walked them upstairs signaling Thomas to put Pandora down on a chair. In an ocean of quiet, they were struck by some muffled sounds. It sounded like panting, like heavy breathing, like… two people having sex….
Effy slowly walked towards the door “Mum?”
She didn’t turn to look at them at all, it didn’t matter at that moment.
Behind the doors stood Anthea wrapped in a blanket and a strange guy by her side aggressively putting on his shirt and buttoning it up. Pixie didn’t know who he was, all she knew was that the man certainly wasn’t Jim she met just some time ago. Everybody knew what was going on. Effy wasn’t to be fooled, neither was Pixie… Thomas just didn’t know the whole story. Seeing Effy crumble in front of her was terrifying to Pixie. Despite feeling a shit ton of hatred towards the girl up till now, it didn’t matter at that moment. She was crying. And it was enough for Pixie to forget about all their mutual unlikeness and run after her, following Effy to her room.
Effy was sitting at the edge of her bed. She was crouched down, her legs up to her chest. It seemed she wasn’t able to breathe properly from crying.
“Effy…” Pixie stated unsure how to help the girl who was falling apart in front of her eyes
“Go away” Effy answered quickly, yelling with a lump in her throat from tears.
Pixie was standing by the door. She was quite unsure how to play this out now.
She stepped closer, keeping her steps light, warm. “I’m sorry”
Effy stood up, red in the face, her eyes burning from the liquid. She came closer to the purple-haired girl shoving her out. “Leave me alone” she yelled for the last time before shutting the door in her face.
“What happened?” asked Thomas sweetly
Pixie stood for a second “To be completely sure, I don’t know.”
“C’mon let’s go, Thomas” she exclaimed after a few moments of blankly staring at the shut door. The two left the house, Pixie giving Anthea an unpleasant look for the last time before leaving the Stonems house behind her.
But, their house should be peaceful…right?