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do you know what he did to me (the things he almost made me do)

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Dead silence.

Everyone was horrified at the words that left Tommy’s mouth. Tommy was horrified at the words that left his mouth.

How could he say that to Tubbo? Tubbo, who was his best friend, Tubbo, who was his brother, Tubbo , who had always been and always would be more important than anything else in the entire world.

“I didn’t-” Tommy stuttered, shocked and disgusted with himself. “I didn’t mean that- I swear, I didn’t-” he cut himself off and took a shuddering breath.

What had he become?

Dream started to laugh, over by where he had been watching the fight with an amused air about him. He laughed and laughed and Tommy wished he would shut up because that laugh brought back memories of explosions, of exiles, of nights spent being told everything would be okay, but then being beaten and manipulated when the sun came up.

“Oh, Tommy. Look at what you’ve done now,” he sighed heavily, dramatically, and it was so, so fake. “You’ve gone and done it again, you really can’t do anything right can you?”

“Shut up,” Tommy whispered, eyes wide. The memories were pressing in on his mind, sharper and more overwhelming. He didn’t know how long he could hold them off before he broke down. “Shut up.”

Dream cackled. “Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. You should’ve listened to me from the beginning. And now you’ve messed everything up again by coming back and destroying the community house.”

“I didn’t!” Tommy said frantically. “I didn’t do that!”

“Oh come on, Tommy,” Dream scoffed in that condescending tone. “Of course you did. Everyone here knows it. It’s such a you thing to do.”

Tommy shook his head furiously. “You’re wrong, I didn’t do it, I would never do that!”

The people around them were quiet, watching the exchange with wide eyes. Tommy knew they wouldn’t come to his aid; they never had before, why would they now?

“Come on, Tommy,” his voice lowered. “Don’t you remember that we’re friends? That I’m the only one who cares about you? None of these people do, that’s for sure. You only mess things up for them.”

“Stop it,” Tommy clamped his hands over his ears. “Please, please stop it.”

The memories hurt, the images pressing down on his mind. Dream helping him, Dream holding him when he cried, Dream distracting him from his loneliness.

Dream hurting him, Dream beating him, Dream manipulating Tommy into thinking he was all alone.

Dream stepped right into Tommy’s personal space, trademark smirk on his face. He leaned down and whispered in Tommy’s ear. “They’ll never believe that it wasn’t you, Tommy. They’ll never think it was me who did this.” He stepped back, still grinning. “Checkmate.”

Tommy’s eyes widened in horror, staring at the destruction of the community house around them. “You did this?”

Immediately Dream’s innocent mask was put back on. “What are you talking about? You’re the one who did this, don’t try to blame it on me. Take ownership of your actions for once in your life , Tommy.”

Tommy’s heart pounded in his ears. This was it. Dream was right, this was checkmate. No one would ever believe Tommy, no one ever did. Dream would waltz on out of there scotch free while Tommy was left behind to be used as a puppet for everyone to blame their problems on. To be used as a scapegoat.

“You’re lying,” Tommy said, still trying to push back the flashbacks. “You're a liar, Dream. You lied to me when we were in exile, you lied to Techno when you went to come look for me, you’ve been lying to everyone this entire fucking time!” His voice rose to a shout. “You’re a fucking psychopath! You pretend to be everyone’s friends when in reality all you want is power and control over everyone!”

Dream scoffed and waved a hand dismissively. “Now you’re just trying to pin all the blame on me. Did your time in exile teach you nothing?”

Tommy’s hands were shaking. His entire body was shaking. He couldn’t stop the memories from pouring in, from pounding at his mind like a sledgehammer.

Dream taking him away from L’manburg-

Dream leaving him all alone in Logstedshire-

Dream taking all his stuff time and time again-

Dream blowing up everything he had worked for again -

Dream beating Tommy, hurting him, making him believe he deserved it-

Dream being the real reason Tommy had almost jumped off that fucking pillar in the first place-

Tommy dug his hands into his hair and gripped it tight, trying to ground himself. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe . He was back there, in Logstedshire, watching everything burn, watching Dream walk away, telling him it was his fault and that maybe he shouldn’t even be alive. He was back on that pillar, ready to take the final jump to his death-

“-ommy! Tommy! Tommy, man, you gotta calm down!”

A voice jerked Tommy out of his spiral. He couldn’t see, not really, as tears were streaming down his face. Huh, he hadn’t noticed that.

He felt hands on his shoulders, tight and grounding. Someone was speaking to him, though, and he tried to tune himself back into reality to hear them.

“Tommy, you gotta breathe with me man, come one.” Someone grabbed his hand out of his hair, gently untangling it and placing it on something warm and solid and moving.

“In and out big man, in and out.”

Tommy did his best to follow the voice’s instructions, not knowing who it was, but knowing that they were safe and comforting and everything that hadn’t been in these past months.

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t like it when I do this, I’m sorry, I promise I won’t do it again, Dream, I’m sorry,” he sobbed, trying to get in control of himself. Dream didn’t like it when he cried or freaked out like this. Dream usually kicked him, or when he was in a worse mood, beat him a little.

“Please don’t hurt me, I know I’m pathetic, I know, I hate me too, please don’t hurt me this time Dream, please .”

The hand on his shoulder stiffened and someone murmured comforting words. The lack of brutal kicks to the chest made Tommy think that maybe he was okay for now.

It took a while, Tommy wasn’t sure how long, but eventually he could breathe almost right again. He was still shaking, and the terrible memories still lingered at the back of his brain, but he could push them away easier.

He wiped his eyes and blinked, clearing the tears away so he could see.

Oh. 

Tubbo knelt in front of him, eyes shining with worry and fear. His one hand was on Tommy’s shoulder, while the other held Tommy’s hand on top of his chest.

Oh.

“...Tubbo?” Tommy murmured, locking eyes with his best friend- former best friend. 

“Hey Tommy.” Tubbo gave him a relieved smile, one that he hadn’t seen in so long. “You good?”

Tommy blinked. Was he actually good? Did he really feel alright enough to answer that question with “yes”?

No! He wanted to scream into the air for everyone to hear. I’m not fine! I’ve been betrayed by everyone whose ever loved me and thrown away like trash to be picked apart by this fucking murderer!

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he whispered instead, tears pricking in his eyes again, though he willed them away stubbornly. “I’m sorry for freaking out, I’m sorry for being like this, I’m sorry-”

“Hey, woah, calm down,” Tubbo tried to say, but Tommy was on a roll.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come back, I shouldn’t be here, I only cause problems, I should’ve jumped off that fucking pillar when I had the chance, would’ve saved everyone the trouble-”

He heard several gasps around him, and it was only then that he remembered he was in front of quite literally almost everyone in the server.

He buried his face in his hands and groaned. The embarrassment seemed to snap him out of his ramblings and he went quiet.

Fuck, Tommy thought. Now they know how pathetic I am. Not that it was much of a secret.

“Tommy,” Tubbo asked in a hush tone. Tommy didn’t look up from where he was hiding his face. “Do you really think that?”

Tommy just shook his head miserably, no he didn’t. That was Dream talking. Though he didn’t particularly want to exist right now. He almost did wish he’d thrown himself off the pillar, just to be saved from this pain. 

“Of course he does!”

Oh, and of course Dream just had to put in his thoughts. 

“You exiled him from his nation and his friends, the only place he could call home. You left him alone for weeks, Tubbo, of course he’s going to do something like that! He’s not exactly strong enough to bear the consequences of his actions.”

Tommy peeked out of his hands to see Tubbo pale dramatically.

“I…” he whispered, horrified. “I did this?”

Dream said something, but Tommy didn’t hear.

Oh no he fucking didn’t . Dream would not accuse Tubbo of this. Not when it was Dream’s fault, not when Dream had been the one to force Tubbo to execute Tommy, not when Dream had been the one to push Tommy over the edge.

Tommy stood up suddenly, finally finding the strength to stand up to his abuser, as long as it was in the name of protecting Tubbo from the monster.

“Shut the fuck up, Dream.” Damn, Tommy hated the way his voice still trembled. “Tubbo wasn’t the one to do this. It was you.

Dream raised an exasperated eyebrow. “And how so, Tommy.

Tommy breathed in, pushing away the bad thoughts that came from the way Dream said his name. “ You were the one to force Tubbo to exile me. Don’t try and say he had a choice not to, you know he didn’t. It was either exile me or sentence everyone to death. That wasn’t a fair choice. You were the one who took me away from everyone I loved and who beat me and hurt me and manipulated me into thinking no one cared about me.” His gaze hardened and his voice grew steadier. “Don’t think I don’t know about how you sabotaged the party invites. Ghostbur told me. You were the one who made me slowly believe that I didn’t matter at all. You were the one who blew up everything I worked for the second I did one thing against your precious rules. You are the reason I almost killed myself, Dream. Not Tubbo. If anything, Tubbo is the reason I didn’t jump.”

Tommy glanced at Tubbo and found his friend staring at him, horrified. They locked gazes and Tommy gave him a soft smile. 

“I didn’t jump in the end, because I still had to say sorry to you,” he said, addressing his best friend, his brother. “I still had to try and make things right. And no matter how much I believed at the time that you didn’t care about me anymore, there will always be a part of me that will never stop caring about you.”

Tubbo’s eyes welled with tears, and he engulfed Tommy in a hug, squeezing him tight. Tommy held him with just as much force, holding on to Tubbo like he would disappear at any second.

Tubbo tried to apologize, but Tommy shushed him.

“I already said it’s not your fault. It’s the green bastard’s. Now shut up and just enjoy this.”

Tubbo nodded and they sat like that for a few more moments before someone cleared their throat.

Oh right, they had an audience.

“Dream,” Sam stepped down out of the crowd and in front of said man. “Is what Tommy said true?” He looked pissed; his eyes were narrowed, his body was tense with anger.

“Of course it isn’t Sam!” Dream said airily. “Tommy’s always been a liar, you know that.”

“Mhm,” Sam replied skeptically. “And yet somehow I don’t think he was faking having a major panic attack when you kept talking to him. Somehow , I don’t think he was lying this time. You did something to him out there Dream, and I’m willing to bet it was everything Tommy just mentioned. And I’m willing to bet that you really did blow up the community house, didn’t you?”

Dream laughed. “Come on Sam, you don’t really believe this- this child over me? You know me, Sam! I would never do something like that!”

Sam frowned. “That’s the thing, Dream. I don’t think I know you at all anymore.”

Then he snapped out his trident and lunged for Dream.

Dream, ever the pvp god, dodged out of the way so fast Tommy was pretty sure he had been expecting the move. He unsheathed his sword in a quick movement and clashed blades with Sam.

Suddenly, Sapnap, Antfrost, Punz, Callahan, and Bad all came leaping down from their positions above the battle. They joined Sam and together they took down Dream within a matter of seconds.

Despite being a fighting god, Dream was really only human, and even he couldn’t fight and win against such odds.

And now there he lay, limp and unconscious on the ground, like a puppet with its strings cut- or a puppeteer whose show had finally come to an end.

“Now what?” Antfrost asked, slightly winded. Dream had gotten him with a good kick. “What do we do with him?”

Sam put away his trident and strode over to Dream. “I’m going to lock him in the prison. It’s basically finished anyway, and I even added some parts that Dream doesn’t know about. Even he won’t be able to escape.”

The fighters nodded, though they all looked unbelievably sad. Tommy didn’t blame them. This was their friend whom they had known for years, a friend who they had just figured out wasn’t the person they thought he was.

Sam slung Dream over his shoulders and began walking away. Callahan and Antfrost followed, while Sapnap and Bad stayed behind.

It was silent for a few seconds, and Tommy could feel everyone’s eyes on him. It made him nervous. He used to love the spotlight, but weeks alone in exile with only Dream made him wary of attention and the malice it usually brought with it.

“Tubbo, I can feel their staring,” Tommy whispered.

Before Tubbo could answer, Niki jumped down from her spot, followed by Fundy and Quackity.

“Tommy,” she said, eyes filled with sadness. “Tommy I’m so sorry. I blamed you for everything, for all the things that have gone wrong, and I know now that that isn’t the right thing to do. I know that it isn’t all your fault, and yeah, maybe you’ve done some questionable things, but I shouldn’t be putting all the blame on you, not when there are plenty of people who share it.”

Fundy and Quackity nodded. “What she said,” Quackity muttered.

Tommy looked between the three people he used to consider friends. He supposed he never really stopped thinking of them as his friends, he had just believed they had wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

“I mean, it’s not really alright,” Tommy began, and he watched them all wince before he continued. “But I forgive you. And yeah, I know I’m kind of an asshole sometimes. And I can be insufferable and a pain in the ass. And that I’ve done some things that looking back I know were wrong.” Tommy raised his eyes and addressed everyone there. “But I’m going to try and be a better person, if you’ll let me. I’ve become worse than everyone I ever swore to be against, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself. But I can try. For you all-” Tommy turned back to Tubbo “-and for you.”

Tubbo beamed and launched himself at Tommy again and they hugged.

“Tommy you’re such a sap!” He yelled tearfully.

Everyone laughed and just like that, the tension and seriousness was broken. 

And for the first time in what felt like lifetimes , surrounded by people who believed Tommy could be good, and in the arms of his other half, Tommy felt like everything was going to be okay.