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Mandarinnit

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Of all the things Tommy expected to change his life forever, a $2 donation calling him a lesbian really wasn’t on the list. But here he is, in front of 68,000 people, his mind and heart racing miles per minute.

 

Why is it bothering you so much? You’re an entire straight man. Yep. Straightest of them all, the manliest man. 

 

Fuck, why does that- nope. Nopeity no, we’re not going to… think. About that feeling. Actually, let’s not think at all. No thoughts allowed.

 

But what was that feeling? It- no, brain, shut up. stop it. Stop the think.

 

“Let’s think about this one,” he finds himself saying.

 

Bitch. Bitchbrain. “No- no, we’re live in front of 68,000 people, let’s not think about this one!” 

 

You’re a straight man. That’s it.

 

So why do I feel like such SHIT?

 

“If a le-” HEY, NOPE, BAD IDEA, ABORT, “No, because I’m going to get it wrong, and that’s- ha! That’s when it gets bad.”

 

Move on.

 

——————

 

Tommy exhaled loudly, flopping facefirst onto his bed after his stream. 

 

“What the fuck was that?” he mumbled to himself, rolling onto his back.

 

Why had one stupid dono send him into such a… a panic? Crisis? He wasn’t even sure what it could be called. 

 

“Can’t believe Tommy’s a lesbian,” he said to the cracks on his ceiling. “Can’t believe Tommy’s a lesbian ! Can’t believe Tommy’s a lesbian. Can’t be lieve Tom my’s a les bian!”

 

You look stupid, the cracks in his ceiling said.

 

Tommy groaned, smooshing a pillow into his face. Why did everything just feel so wrong?

 

—————

 

“Yknow, Tommy, I saw that one clip the other day, the one of you thinking for far too long about if you, a straight teenage boy, are a lesbian.”

 

Godammit, Techno.

 

“And Tommy, I just wanted to say- you have my full support. As you know, I greatly support lesbians like you.”

 

Tommy meant to make a fake-angry face, yell overdramatically at Techno about how I’m not a lesbian, Techno, how dare you- you know, for content’s sake. What comes out instead is, “What- what was that first part?”

 

“You have my full support?”

 

“No, before that.”

 

“You, a straight teenage boy, thought for too long about if you're a lesbian?”

 

“Uh.” Fuck. “Technoblade, you are a bitch.” 

 

“Now that’s- that’s just unfair. I was stating facts.

 

“Sorry, what was that? I don’t speak bitch.

 

“...Alright, Tommy.”

 

——————

 

Straight teenage boy.

 

Teenage boy.

 

Boy.

 

Tommy curled in on himself, all 6’3” of him looking small.

 

Why does that feel so… wrong?

 

His stomach started to ache, his chest feeling like it was shrinking. With shaky hands, he pulled his phone out of his pocket, opening up Safari.

 

how do you knwo if youre

 

He chewed his lip.

 

how do you knwo if youre transgender

 

His finger hovered over the enter key- a pandora’s box of sorts. Tommy screwed his eyes shut and let his finger fall, almost scared of what he would find. 

 

Showing results for how do you know if you’re transgender

 

He read article after article, trans people documenting their realizations and journeys. And over and over they resonated far too much with him. Uncomfortable being called a boy. Uncomfortable in your body. Trying hard to be masculine to overcompensate for those odd feelings of wrongness. Tommy felt a pit grow in his- her ? stomach.

 

Tommy took a deep breath. TommyInnit is a streamer on twitch. She plays minecraft and she is very good at it. Her streams are often on the Dream SMP and she is very cool and very poggers.

 

Immediately, Tommy felt a bursting in… her. Her chest, like something trying to escape, yell to the world, I’m a girl, I’m trans, I’m a trans girl , scream it from the rooftops, loud and proud but the feeling is quickly shot down by the heartstopping realization that she would have to tell everyone.

 

She felt sick, seasick, but the sea is gender and the boat is her, but she’s on the boat, and this is a stupid analogy , and what will they say and what will they think and fuck what will the viewers think will they hate me they’ll hate me they’ll hate me

 

——————

 

Tommy (Tommy? Do I like Tommy?) was curled a few nights later in a fetal position on her bed ( Deal with the name later deal with the tears now) sniffling quietly. 

 

“I’m so fucking stupid,” she whispered, “so fucking stupid.”

 

You got yourself into this mess.

 

“Why the fuck did I have to…” she trailed off, staring into the shadows filling the corners of her room.

 

You’re going to lose all your viewers, the shadows hissed, all your friends. they’re all going to hate you.

 

No. No, they wouldn't hate me. Tommy reassured herself. You know what? Fuck you, I’ll prove it.

 

Tommy pulled her phone out of her pocket, navigating to her and Techno’s DMs. Deep breaths . How do I just… casually work this into a conversation? Hey, Techno, you know how I constantly call myself big man and and manly man and masculine man? Ok, well, surprise-

 

TommyInnit

heyyy techno man i need a favor and i also need u to ask no questions please

 

Technoblade

I am suddenly very nervous

 

TommyInnit

could u

like

write a thing about me

like a paragraph describing me

but use she/her pronouns

 

Technoblade

should i still call you tommy?

 

TommyInnit

yeah

 

Technoblade

TommyInnit is my streamer friend. She is very loud all the time. She’s also a child, and is like a little sister to me. Her streams are very cool and fun to watch and even though she can be very annoying and steals all my stuff I love and support her no matter what

 

Tommy stared at her phone, tears welling up in her eyes. She put down her phone for a moment, flapping her hands in pure happiness.

 

TommyInnit

hphdmhdhjsm tehcno

 

Technoblade

did i like

get it wrong

cause that would be rly awkward ngl

 

TommyInnit

did u mean it?

 

Technoblade

mean what

 

TommyInnit

that you’ll lvoe and support me no matter wahy

*what

 

Technoblade

with all my heart

 

TommyInnit

oh

techno i'm a girl

i think

it's weird but

i’m like 93 percent sure

 

Technoblade

poggers

should i use she/her pronouns? and a new name?

 

TommyInnit

she/her pronouns yea but i'm still figuring out names

tommy def doesn't feel right

but idk what does

 

Technoblade

alright cool

wait first off what abt on stream and stuff, should i still refer to you with he/him pronouns and second off if you want help looking for names i can toss some out there

 

TommyInnit

yeah i’m,, not rly ready to come out on strwma yet so that would be great

and yes give me names mr english major man

 

Technoblade

alright how about Sally

 

TommyInnit

why is your first suggestion the salmon wilbur fucked

 

Technoblade

idk it was the first thing that popped into my head

 

TommyInnit

weird

give me more names

 

Technoblade

uhhh macadamia

 

TommyInnit

i don’t like you

 

Technoblade

hey i’m just spitballing here

ava?

 

TommyInnit

hm ava is a pretty name but i feel like AvaInnit just doesn't have the right ring to it

 

Technoblade

yeah i see what you mean

i googled girls names and google says “abigail klobuchar bessler” in a list of just first names would you like to be abigail klobuchar bessler

 

TommyInnit

there goes my favorite streamer, abigailklobucharbesslerinnit,

 

Technoblade

you name like everything clementine how about clementine

 

TommyInnit

ok see i

i get that you’re making fun of my naming skills here but

i really like that

 

Technoblade

no it really is a great name go for it

 

TommyInnit

like it just feel right and it makes me rly happy

but also clementineinnit is not great

 

Technoblade

hm

yeah that's true

idea: so you know how clementines are those little oranges

 

TommyInnit

yeah

 

Technoblade

they're also called mandarins right

are you thinking what i’m thinking

 

TommyInnit

don’t you dare

 

Technoblade

MANDARINNIT

 

TommyInnit

goddammit i actually kinda like how that sounds

 

Technoblade

heheheh

 

TommyInnit

...clementine

i just. yeah

it's rly good

thank you

liek really really thank you

 

Technoblade

anytime clem

 

TommyInnit

anytime?

bc i kinda want another favor

 

Technoblade

will i regret saying anytime

 

TommyInnit

you have given me courage and i now want to come out to the rest of the smp  

which is probably stupid

but fuck it

but also i don't want to do it myself? so i was thinking maybe you could just quickly @everyone and be like “hey big t is a girl and uses she/her pronouns and her name is clementine”

 

Technoblade

oh ofc

give me a second to type it out

 

Clementine grinned and changed her nickname in the Dream SMP server to Mandarinnit (Clementine) and took a deep breath, preparing herself for what was to come.

 

DREAM SMP

> general

 

Technoblade

@everyone hey y’all @TommyInnit is a girl and is now going by she/her pronouns and the name Clementine (not on stream though, continue to use he/him and tommy in public) and you will respect her or die by my axe

 

Tubbee

!! clem that's awesome! 

 

king eret

hell yeah i’m very proud of her! 

 

Wiblur 

i have a little sister!! pog!!

 

Nihachu chu train

i’m so happy for her! and it’s great to have another girl on the server <3

 

Ranboo

ABSOLUTELY POGGERS

 

Mandarinnit (Clementine)

i'm a gamer girl now!!

 

Fundy

!! that's amazing and also mandarinnit is very clever kudos

 

Mandarinnit (Clementine)

thank you i came up with it all by myself

 

Techno

hold up

 

Tubbee

wait a minute

DOES THIS MEAN LESBIANINNIT IS REAL

 

Mandarinnit (Clementine)

yeAHHHHHH IT IS!!

 

Wiblur 

LESBIANINNIT CANON

 

Ranboo

FUCK YEAHH LESBIANINNIT

 

Clementine wiped tears from her eyes and laughed quietly at her friends. God, I’m so glad I found them.

 

I’m so glad I found myself.