"I'm not interested in being polite or heterosexual." Sakura laments, her wine glass teetering as she presses her face mournfully into Naruto's shoulder.
"We know this, and we love you." He pats her back consolingly. He is the only one without alcohol, because his healing factor burns it out while Kurama laughs at him. He doesn't begrudge his spouses their drinks for such special occasions, though.
"Me either." Sasuke decides, face resting on Naruto's thigh.
Sakura snorts, which comes out somewhere closer to a hiccup.
"You're not capable of being polite or heterosexual." She says, drunkenly. Shinobi don't drop things unless they're being dramatic, have a rapid priority shift, or are drunk enough to need a medic-- but even in that last case, muscle memory and sheer skill tend to keep their drinks well in hand (even if their drinking really, really isn't). Naruto eyes their white carpet anyway.
Then again, the second best medic in the world was a shameless lush, so it's not like the hospital would judge them for coming in sloshed-- even if the nurses would keel over to see a ninja willingly walk through those doors.
"I know this," Sasuke declares, proud. "And you love me."
"We do," Sakura says, all wide-eyed, as though this is a revelation. Sometimes Naruto wonders who he would be if he could relax like this, all pissed blind.
Sasuke glares at him with an adorably unthreatening expression, which is hilariously ironic for someone who can literally kill with their eyes alone, a scowl that more resembles an expectant pout adorning his mouth.
Naruto kisses him and tastes the lime of his margarita. Sasuke sighs against him, mouth wet, warm and pliant. When he straightens up again Sauske looks pleased. He's very easy to please when he's drunk.
"Oh, me!" Sakura insists, willingly wildly, and he bends the other way to kiss her as well. She hums into it, satisfied. Her fingers clutch into little fists at his shirt.
Sasuke watches them with rapt eyes, surprisingly charcoal.
"Usually he turns the eyes on to remember it better." Naruto says and Sakura giggles, nose brushing his cheek.
"The perfect memory granted by an Sharingan remains even when the kekkai genkai is unactivated. Deactivated? When iss not 'on'!" Sakura's confiding voice takes on a textbook feel right up until it doesn't, her laughter boisterous and echoing to the ceiling.
"Oh, yeah." Sasuke sounds like Shikamaru, stoned out of his mind and stoked to discover a freckle on the back of his hand. He blinks stupidly a few times and the black ignites, irises bleeding into the deep color of coals burning.
He doesn't look away from where Naruto and Sakura's heads are pressed close and conspiratorial. He can feel tiny flowers falling to his collar; they likely dust the couch by now, different colors spawned by her whims and flights of fancy, no longer tempered by her normal self control and summoned by happiness.
"What were we talking about?" Sasuke's limp hand rises up to smack Naruto in the chest, dislodging petals. Naruto catches hold of his fingers, pulling them close to kiss Sasuke's knuckles. Sasuke's eyes widen and he giggles.
Naruto begins calculating how to get his latest glass away from him. That's the other thing with shinobi who choose to indulge. They don't spill their drinks, unless they need to, and trying to take that drink away very quickly becomes a game of ill-advised keep away with someone whose body remembers how to fight lethally and whose normally astute mind is currently narrowed to the thought: not my vodka, you bitch!
"New years!" Sakura cheers, who he is admittedly less worried about. She learned from the best and in the morning she won't even have a hangover. Their husband, on the other hand... Sasuke makes a noise of enlightened understanding and tries to make another toast.
Fortunately, Naruto isn't trying to talk down some random shinobi in a bar. He's got methods beyond them and he's dealing with Sasuke, whose mind tends to follow that single track in another direction.
"It's been so long since I got kissed." Naruto says, sadly, letting his eyes grow large and possibly tearful.
Both of his teammates react with outrage; not at the blatant lie, but the audacity of life to deny him affection.
"I will kiss you!" Sasuke declares instantly, trying to sit up and mostly failing. He falls back into Naruto's lap with a bewildered expression.
His martini glass slips forgotten from his fingers and without thought or pause Naruto substitutes it with a nearby remote. It appears safely on the table and the air conditioner control thumps soundlessly on the carpet.
"Nooo, you need kisses!" Sakura giggles, far more able to be led in this state, which is very good as a general rule because her mountain-obliterating superstrength doesn't magically vanish once she gets hammered. She presses sloppy kisses into his jaw line, his neck.
"I need so many kisses." Naruto laments. "So, so many. My kiss economy is in shambles. This kiss deficit is ruining the Uzumaki nation."
"Nooo!" Sakura hiccups, still laughing, half-slumping on him. Daisies bloom in her hair. "Fix it, fix it."
A pair of shadow clones, summoned with half a thought, lift her up and help Sasuke to his feet, nimbly securing Sakura's glass. There's so much touching going on that she doesn't notice, throwing her arms around his neck with a smile.
With six or eight hands between them he manages to get both his spouses upstairs and to their big, soft bed, and Sasuke makes an 'oof' sound as he's deposited into it, hair sticking up. Sakura laughs and rose petals tangle the sheets, too many to count, as she lays out.
"A lot of kissing." Sasuke declares, eyes somehow dark despite the red, looking at him all purposeful and wanting.
"Mm. Yes." Sakura rolls onto her back slowly and, eyes still half-shut, lazily slips a hand into her shorts.
Sasuke's eyes catch the motion like a magpie's, instantly shifting up on his elbows to get a better look, and when Sakura sighs out in pleasure all the houseplants in their bedroom bloom. Naruto climbs into bed, bearing the kisses he was so generously given, and giving them generously back.
"She's going to be so pissed when she wakes up," Naruto laughs into Sasuke's shoulder as the Uchiha gasps hotly. "Those were nonflowering ivy. She hates making new plants by accident."
"Kiss me." Sasuke orders, impatient, and it was Naruto who set them on this path. He really has no choice but to comply.