When I get happy, I feel it in my hands. Like this tickly, tingly sensation all over my palms, and I just have to shake my hands or wiggle my fingers to get the energy all out! Sometimes I get weird looks when I do it out in public, but it feels like I’ll explode into rainbow confetti if I don’t!
Sometimes people join me, and that makes me feel great! Like a moment of happiness between two strangers that no one else will get. It feels really personal, which just makes me happier.
When I get sad, I also feel it in my hands. There's a deep ache in the joints of my fingers. To get rid of it, I feel like I have to hit something, like a wall or my arm. Though, I’ve been told that’s not a good way to handle that emotion. So instead, I just repeatedly open and close my fists.
People always think I’m angry when I do that. I don’t know how to tell them I’m just sad, though. But I’d just feel worse if I told them “I’m sad”, you know?
When I get angry, you can probably guess, I feel it in my hands. I get a painless clawing and scratching in my nails. I used to scratch at my legs and arms to deal with it, sometimes even my face if it got really bad. I was told this was also not an appropriate way to deal with this emotion. I just clench my fists or let them go completely loose and shake them around a bit.
I don’t do this in public anymore; when people notice and give me odd looks, I get even more angry or sad.
When I feel like everything’s too much in one moment, my hands feel tight and strained. I have a need to pull at my hair and cry. I feel sad and scared and a lot of other things I don’t know how to explain. I was told I shouldn’t pull my hair when I feel like that.
I don’t know what else to do, though.
When I feel like everything’s too much but in a good way, my hands get really, really warm. They’re normally very cold. But I don’t just feel it in my hands. My heart beats really fast and it feels harder to breathe, but in a good way. I don’t know what I need to do to get that energy out, scream? Probably not.
Besides, it’s always around a very specific friend of mine, and I don’t want her to think I’m weird for screaming.
When I’m around Amity, I always feel it in my hands. She holds them whenever we’re near each other. I don’t mind, it’s comforting. She's nice to be around and makes me happy, like Willow! But, a little more, I guess.
I wonder if she thinks my hands are always that warm?