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Would You Hold It Against Me?

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“I can’t fucking believe this.”

 

“Hm.”

 

How are we trapped in our home by a blizzard on Christmas Eve?!”

 

“Hm.”

 

“Blake. Why aren’t you more bothered by this? We are trapped!”

 

“Because it’ll blow over eventually. We have plenty of food to last and we’ve already checked in with the others. We’ll be fine.” Blake says calmly, glancing up from her book as her best friend and roommate sits down on the couch beside her with a displeased grunt. She sighs and marks her book, setting it aside to give Yang her full attention. “And you, apparently, need a distraction. What are you in the mood for? One of your cheesy, poorly written Hallmark movies? A classic Christmas tale? Discussions about the corporate atrocity that Christmas has slowly mutated into over the years?”

 

“Oh my god.” Yang huffs, laughing slightly as she gently pushes Blake’s arm. A small smile twitches onto her lips and she shakes her head fondly, letting her expression soften as she looks at Blake. “I don’t know. There is that new soulmate Christmas movie- oh come on, you old stooge! Don’t you believe in soulmates?” Yang laughs as Blake makes a displeased face at her.

 

“I just… don’t believe in the concept of there being one perfect person for you. I think that… soulmates do exist but not in the way that movies and books portray them.”

 

“Care to elaborate?” Yang asks curiously, shuffling so that she’s facing Blake as much as possible, her arm resting along the couch as she smiles warmly at her. 

 

“Well…” Blake starts hesitantly, biting her lips thoughtfully as her eyes dart to Yang’s lips before meeting Yang’s eyes once more. “I do think it’s someone you click with. But I also think it’s more than that. Love takes work, right? You have to expose the parts of you that you don’t want to show. The vulnerable, broken and jagged pieces that you’re scared of admiting are real. It’s putting it all on the table and saying that this is you; in all of your fucked up glory. Now… sometimes, showing that to people scares them off, right?”

 

“Unfortunately.” Yang sighs, a shadow crossing her face that Blake longs to chase away. Instead, she simply reaches out for Yang’s hand and squeezes it tightly, brushing her skin tenderly with her thumb and giving her a small smile.

 

“Right. But eventually, you might get lucky and meet someone that sees all of these parts, all of these scars, and they see somebody that’s worth the effort and you see the same in them. You work together to create something beautiful. Something that’s unique to the two of you. It’s not always easy… but that’s what makes it special. Because despite how much effort it takes, you’ve both found somebody that’s worth that effort.” Blake says, her black cat ears flicking nervously as Yang begins to absentmindedly toy with her fingers. A gentle warmth creeps up her neck as Yang watches her with a small and curious smile, a fond light entering her gaze as Blake talks. “I don’t think soulmates are born or that we have one because of some predetermined bond chosen for you by some cosmic force. I think we have soulmates because we put in the effort and the time to forge a bond with somebody.”

 

“So… you think soulmates are developed , not born. Because we choose to put effort into someone special and that effort and work is what makes the bond itself special.”

 

“Pretty much, yeah.” Blake shrugs, standing up and stretching as she heads to the kitchen. “It’s nice to imagine, at any rate. That I might find someone who can see my flaws and still think I’m worth fighting for… instead of against .” Her voice trails off, her mind drifting to a time full of fighting. Where he was always against her, belittling her, trying to change her to fit his needs. It was so different to her current life… where Yang made her feel safe and care for and warm. Where she felt like Yang was on her side, willing to help her grow, willing to fight for her. Yang, who was so bright and wonderful. Who was smart and kind, gentle and strong with the most precious smile and prettiest eyes Blake had ever-

 

Oh.

 

Oh.

 

Oh, this is not a Christmas gift I want, Blake thinks to herself weakly, her breathing getting a little faster. This is not the time for realisations like this. Take it back!

 

“Blake? You okay?”

 

Blake shakes herself out of the past and looks down at Yang, smiling shakily at her concerned expression. “I’m fine. I’m just… going to make some hot chocolate. Want some?”

 

“Um… sure. But Blake… you do know you can talk to me, right? Whatever’s troubling you-“

 

“I’m okay, really.” Blake says with a forced chuckle, moving towards the kitchen quickly, trying to force Yang from her mind to focus on the hot chocolate.

 

Perhaps those Hallmark movies would be a good distraction after all.

 


 

 

“Fuck this guy.” 

 

Blake smiles into her mug of hot chocolate as Yang glowers irritably at the screen, her nose scrunching up in annoyance as the leading woman agrees to leave her beloved and successful career behind for what appears to be a mediocre Christmas tree farmer because he took her ice skating that one time. “Mhm.”

 

“Seriously! This girl had a career she absolutely loved and this guy is asking her to move to the middle of buttfuck nowhere, leaving behind everything she loves, after only knowing her for two fucking weeks?” Yang sets her mug down on the coffee table with an irritable grunt, sinking back into the cushions with a whine. “Like, c’mon. At least give the long distance thing a shot. Y’all are making Uhaul gays look like a slowburn.”

 

Blake snorts, coughing as she inhales hot chocolate. Yang lets out a surprised yelp, reaching to quickly take Blake’s mug from her and placing it beside her own before leaning Blake forward and gently rubbing her back as she tries to regain control over her breathing. “Oh, God.” Blake groans, inhaling deeply and leaning back into Yang’s hand as she calms down. “I think I just died a little. Thanks, Yang.”

 

“Sorry.” Yang chuckles softly, smirking playfully as Blake closes her eyes, humming softly as Yang continues to rub her back. “But it’s not my fault you find me hilarious.”

 

“Ugh. You’re the worst .” Blake grunts, opening her eyes to glare at her roommate and best friend before freezing as she realises just how close she and Yang are. They’re close enough that she can count every single freckle on Yang’s face if she wanted to. They’re close enough for her to see the crimson flecks in Yang’s lilac gaze, the corners crinkling as her smirk softens to a fond smile that makes Blake’s heart melt. 

 

“Yeah… but you still love me.” Yang says far too softly, her hand still rubbing Blake’s back gently. “But for real… you okay? I can go grab you some water?” She asks, biting her lip worriedly, seemingly oblivious to the turmoil that the action sends Blake into.

 

“Ye-Yeah.” Blake stutters, mentally cursing herself as her voice wavers weakly. “Water- water would be nice.”

 

Yang nods, shifting her hand to Blake’s shoulder to squeeze it reassuringly before standing and heading to the kitchen as Blake finally remembers to breath. She lets her face fall into her hands with a shaky exhale, hoping and praying to every holy and unholy deity in existence that she’ll be able to keep her cool until the blizzard blows over.

 


 

 

Later that evening, long after both women have finished the soup and toasted sandwiches that Yang had made for dinner, Blake finds herself shivering on her end of the couch, despite the blanket draped around her shoulders. She can feel Yang’s worried gaze upon her before she hears her let out a soft sigh. A moment later, she’s inhaling sharply as Yang scoots close to her and re-situates their blankets around them and tugs Blake firmly into her side, curling her arms protectively around her as Blake instinctively sinks into her warmth.

 

“You’re freezing.” Yang murmurs, her hand gently rubbing Blake’s arm, slowly pressing warmth back into her body. Her warm breath ghosts over Blake’s cat ears, causing them to flick against her chin. The radio is playing some jaunty Christmas song and Blake can’t help but nuzzle closer to Yang. 

 

“Of course I am. It’s freezing outside. You just don’t notice because you’re the human equivalent of a space heater.” Blake grumbles. She swallows, hard, as Yang runs a hand up her back with an amused snort, her fingers dancing tenderly along Blake’s spine. “Seriously. You should not be this hot.”

 

“Belladonna… you flirt.”

 

“I am actually going to kick you out into the snow.”

 

“Uh huh. Try saying that when you’re not snuggling up to me.”

 

Blake groans, turning to bury her burning face into Yang’s neck as her friend giggles quietly into her hair. As they settle, Blake feels something in the air around them shift. Yang pulls her closer,  resting her chin on top of Blake’s head as the music shifts to a song that Blake recognises as on of Yang’s favourite Christmas songs. Sure enough, after a few lines, she hears Yang join in, her voice soft and warm as she plays with Blake’s hair.

 

“I’ll hold your hands they’re just like ice.” Yang sings quietly, an affectionate and teasing note to her voice as one of her hands squeezes one of Blake’s own playfully, a small laugh leaving her throat when Blake growls irritably at her. 

 

“You’re such an ass. Leave my cold hands alone.”

 

“Oh? Well… I could just leave…”

 

“No.” Blake says, whining loudly as she wraps her arms around Yang’s waist, clinging to her as Yang snickers. “Stay. Please?” She adds, unable to keep herself from pouting up at Yang. She feels her stomach flip as Yang’s amused expression shifts, becoming impossibly soft as she pulls Blake close to her once more.

 

“Oh…” Yang breathes, taking Blake by surprise as she presses a soft kiss to her forehead, lingering just long enough for Blake to question whether or not she had meant it in an entirely platonic manner. “How can I say no to that?”

 

Blake closes her eyes, trying to not let her feelings slip out as Yang pulls the blankets around them, her voice quietly murmuring along to the radio. Before too long, she feels Yang shift, her energy shifting to one full of nerves and anxiety; Blake can even feel her heart race from where she has her head resting on Yang’s chest.

 

“Um… hey, Blake?” Yang asks, her fingers nervously playing with Blake’s hair as the woman in question hums softly in curious acknowledgment. “I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier; about soulmates? How you think that they’re somebody that you want to put in effort for? Somebody that you okay with seeing your broken pieces and all that stuff?”

 

“Yeah. What about it?”

 

“Well… um… if- if that’s what a soulmate is… would you hold it against me if- if I said that maybe…” Yang hesitates long enough for Blake to pull back, her heart racing as Yang averts her gaze. She’s chewing anxiously at her bottom lip, her cheeks flushing as she tries to figure out the words that she wants to say and Blake finds herself holding her breath as she tries to wait patiently. “I want you to be mine?” 

 

Blake stares blankly at Yang, her mind going a thousand miles per minutes. When Yang turns to her, worry clear in her lilac eyes, Blake forces herself to move. She cups Yang’s jaw with one hand and leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips and muffling the surprised gasp that leaves her. Yang quickly melts into it, curling her arms around Blake and sighing into her mouth as Blake’s thumb brushes her cheek tenderly. When she pulls back, she remains close enough that her breath still ghosts over Yang’s lips, their noses brushing as she lets out a small huff of disbelieving laughter. “Depends. Would you hold it against me if I said that I want you to be mine?”

 

Blake inhales sharply as Yang kisses her, soft and sweet and complete with a smile. They pull back, foreheads resting together gently as they gaze at each other, smiles growing brighter and brighter by the second.

 

“Merry Christmas, Blake.”

 

“Merry Christmas, Yang.”

 

And as Blake tucks herself under Yang’s chin, nuzzling into her warm as Yang kisses the top of her head and pulls her close, she can’t help but think that Yang would be her favourite gift this year.