Tony thinks he might be losing his mind just a little. Or a lot, actually, because he can’t decide if dating Steve is going well or not. It goes back and forth, especially when they spend time together and it seems to be amazing, only for things to get a little weird right after.
Like tonight, when they went out to this small Italian place Steve found on one of his runs and wanted to try. Dinner was completely normal, and, dare Tony say, pretty much perfect. The conversation flowed easily from one topic to the next and never circled back to the Avengers even once. The only time they talked about the team was as their friends, rather than as their teammates, which was honestly a feat for them. And when Steve told him about the old man he met that morning while getting coffee with Natasha, Tony didn’t make a single joke about him being more in Steve’s age range. An even bigger feat, really, when the joke was set up so perfectly for him, but he’s trying to recognize that just because his response to trauma is to make jokes about it, not everyone else appreciates it.
Back at the tower, Steve kissed him in the elevator, and they fell into Tony’s bed like they already have at least a dozen times before. Sex with Steve is always good, even the first time when neither of them knew what to expect and every touch was hesitant. He wouldn’t call it perfect or go as far to call it his best, even, but he’s definitely not complaining in the slightest.
But now, Steve is… distant. He’s laying next to Tony in his bed, still naked and sticky from both of them, yet he seems a million miles away. His eyes are unfocused, staring off into space, and his body is closed off in a way Tony isn’t used to from someone he was just incredibly intimate with. It isn’t the first time it’s happened after sex, and Tony has been trying not to take it personally, but it’s getting hard not to.
Which is why he caves and listens to the voice in his head that only ever pops up to feed into his anxiety and insecurities when it says he should say something about it. He sits up rather abruptly, the sheet falling to pool around his waist, and goes right for it.
“Alright, I’m just going to come right out and ask because you’ve been kind of weird after sex almost every time and I’m starting to really think it’s because of something I did. Is there a problem I should know about? Are you not happy with me?”
Steve’s eyes widen, and he’s very quick to say, “Oh, God, no. That’s - no. I’m happy with you. I would’ve - you would know if I wasn’t.”
“But there is something wrong, right?” Tony asks hesitantly. “There’s something happening.”
Steve swallows, his gaze shifting but never landing on Tony, and he pulls the sheet a little higher over his chest like a defense. Tony gets the feeling that he’s going to deflect it or try to tell him that he’s reading something out of nothing, but he knows in his bones that isn’t true.
“You can tell me, Steve,” he says gently. “Whatever it is. I just want to know so I can try to fix it or stop doing it or hell, I don’t know, do more of it, if there’s something you’re not getting that you need.”
There’s a long moment where Tony thinks he’s going to tell him just to drop it and move on, but then Steve sighs and says, “You’re going to think it’s dumb.”
“No, you will, because it is,” Steve replies, finally turning his head to meet Tony’s eyes. His cheeks are slightly flushed in embarrassment, though Tony has no idea why. If anyone should be embarrassed here it’s Tony. He’s the one who might be overreacting to literally nothing and letting his self-doubt get the better of him.
“I still won’t judge you for it.”
“You can’t promise that before you know what it is.”
“Steve, do you know how many judgment worthy things I’ve done in my life? All you have to do is google my name, and you’ll find them all in less than a minute. I’m the last person on Earth with any room to judge anyone else, especially when it comes to sex things, which is what I’m starting to think this is specifically about.”
Steve turns away from him again, the red on his cheeks deepening and spreading further down, which only confirms his suspicion.
“Is there something you want to do that we’re not doing? Something you hate that we are doing? Because as long as it isn’t someone else you wish you were doing, I’m okay with it.”
The last part startles a laugh out of him, and Tony waits for him to work up the nerve for him to say whatever it is. He breaks after only ten silent seconds to suggest, “I can turn around if it’s easier to say to my back instead of my face. I mean, I get that my face is pretty distracting, so I understand.”
Steve rolls his eyes and reaches for Tony’s hand, pulling him down to lay on his side next to him. Once his face is buried in Tony’s chest, nose pressed against the arc reactor, he starts to talk.
“I know that I look a certain way, and it comes with expectations. You were obviously expecting one thing, and we’ve been doing that, and it’s fine if you’re not interested in the other way. I don’t need it to go that way to want to be with you.”
“Okay, I’m more confused than when the conversation started, babe,” Tony says when Steve stops without any real explanation. “What’s the other way?”
Steve sighs, “With the way the serum made me look and the strength it gave me, I know you were expecting me to be, I don’t know, more dominant in bed, I guess. And I know it’s a fair assumption, I’m not saying it isn’t, but it’s not really true.”
Tony is grateful that Steve can’t see his face right now, because he can’t mask the utter surprise on it when it finally clicks.
“ Oh ,” Tony says. “Oh, that’s - oh.”
“Yeah,” Steve says flatly, and Tony realizes that he’s taking his shock as rejection.
“No, shit, not a bad oh. Just - you’re right. I didn’t think that you might want something different, and when you didn’t say anything, I just assumed you were fine with the way things were going. We should’ve talked about it.”
Steve’s fingers tighten their hold on Tony’s hip, while the rest of his body loses some of its tension. “It was never a problem before the serum. Not when I looked like that, and people made the opposite assumption. Probably still shouldn’t have assumed, but at least it was accurate.”
Tony winces, “Fuck, I’m sorry, honey.”
Steve shakes his head, “Not blaming you for anything. I’m just saying that I didn’t know how to bring it up when I never had to before.”
Tony threads his fingers through Steve’s hair, taking a moment to process the conversation so far. He feels like a giant weight has lifted off his shoulders that the problem is fixable; he just needs a little more information to act on.
“So what do you actually like then?” Tony asks. “I’ve topped before, and I’m more than willing to do it with you, but if there’s anything else, even if it’s something I’ve never done before, I’ll try anything at least once if you want it.”
Steve trails his hand down Tony’s back, then slowly up it again. His confidence has clearly returned at Tony’s apparent openness, but nothing could have prepared Tony for the next words from his mouth.
“I used to like being pushed around a bit,” Steve says. His voice has gone seductively low, and Tony’s breathing goes instantly ragged at the unexpected surge of arousal he feels. “Not too much. I don’t like being hurt, but I liked it when someone else would take control.”
Steve’s hand drifts lower, fingers ghosting across his skin until they close around his hardening cock. Tony sucks in a sharp breath as Steve slowly strokes him as he continues to speak, “Would you do that to me, Tony? Spread me as wide as I can go for you, grab my wrists and pin me down so you could take whatever you want from me.”
Steve circles his tongue around the metal edge of the arc reactor while his thumb dips into his slit, and Tony chokes on air.
“Holy fucking hell, baby.”
“You could put me on my knees and make me take it,” Steve says, and Tony is positive that he’s never been harder in his life. “Make me beg for it, if you want. Don't give me anything until I say please, until I'm cryin' cause I want you so bad. I'd say anything you want me to just to have you inside of me. Tony, I’d be so good for you, I promise.”
Tony has said and heard some filthy things in his life, but none of them have ever done what these have done to him. He can picture so clearly what Steve would look like with his legs spread wide, begging to have Tony's cock in him, and he can't believe he never thought about it before this moment.
He acts quickly, taking Steve by surprise when he flips him onto his back. His kiss is hard enough to bruise, but the knowledge that it'll be gone by the morning makes him feel a little better about it.
Grabbing Steve's wrists, he tugs them above his head and pins them to the pillows with one hand. Steve could break free easily if he wanted to, but he doesn't fight it even a little. Instead, he goes pliant in Tony's hands, all but melting into the mattress.
Tony ducks his head down, dragging his teeth along the tendon on the side of his neck before biting down just hard enough to leave a temporary mark. Steve's hips buck up, and he makes a sound that Tony has never heard from him before. He repeats the action just to hear it again.
"You like that, baby? Like it a little rough?"
" Please, " Steve gasps.
"Already begging for me, huh?" Tony smirks, pulling his mouth away from Steve's throat to see the look on his face. The black of his pupil has taken over the blue almost completely, and his lips are swollen and wet. "We just got started, honey. Can't need me that badly yet, can you?"
Tony grinds his hips down just as Steve is about to say something, and all that comes out is another desperate whine. He hooks his free hand around Steve's thigh, lifting it until Steve wraps his leg around Tony's waist.
"So needy. How could I not see it before? You're just begging to be fucked hard, walking around with an ass like this."
He punctuates his statement with a slap to Steve's ass. Not hard, but testing the limits a little. When Steve tosses his head back and groans, he does it a bit harder, then massages the red spot he created with his hand.
“Tell me what you want, baby boy. You’re not getting anything unless you ask for it.”
Steve pants into the silence of the bedroom for a few seconds, and Tony breaks his own rule by running his hand up Steve’s chest and pinching his nipple. Gasping, Steve ruts up into him again, but Tony pulls away so he only meets air. He rolls the raised bud between his fingers, and he really does wonder how he never noticed that Steve liked it like this before. Was he not paying enough attention all the other times? Was he too focused on himself not to see how sensitive Steve’s body is to every little thing?
Tony shakes his head to clear his mind, because it won’t do any good to dwell on it now. What he will do is give Steve everything he can, give into every request that he has to reduce him to nothing more than a quivering mess on his bed. He wants to see him broken all the way down, incoherent with need until he can’t speak any more. Apparently Tony didn’t know himself well enough before, either, if he was so unaware of his overwhelming need for this.
“Want your hands,” Steve forces out through quick, heavy breaths, and Tony switches over to the other nipple to drag his thumbnail across it. “Oh, fuck, want your fingers in me. Do it rough. Not all the way.”
Tony leans down to kiss Steve softly in reward for listening so well. He pushes down on Steve’s wrists and tells him, “You’re going to leave these right here. You’re not going to move your arms unless I tell you to, okay? Can you do that for me, baby?”
Steve nods quickly, twisting his fingers tightly in the pillowcase to hold himself there, and Tony will be surprised if the fabric is still in one piece by the time the night is over. The visual image of the red silk in tatters because Steve lost control is strangely hot, though, so he almost wants it to happen.
With both of his hands now free, Tony sits back on his heels between Steve’s thighs to take him in. His biceps are flexed and frame his face, which is flushed and sheened with sweat. His hair is a mess from both their previous bout and now, and the rise and fall of his chest is rapid with every breath. Tony has never seen him in such a state of disarray before, but it’s the most beautiful he’s ever looked and emotions threaten to overwhelm Tony completely at the sight.
Tony strokes his hands down Steve’s torso, following the hard lines and planes. He never got the chance to just touch him before, and he isn’t squandering it now. His hands map the feeling of Steve’s body, all the dips and juts from his shoulders to his hips, and when his hands are done committing it to memory, he does the same with his mouth.
He starts at the hollow of his throat, pressing an open mouthed kiss to the pulse point. A glance up shows that Steve’s eyes have fallen shut, lower lip firmly planted between his teeth, and Tony pulls back to brush his thumb across Steve’s lips.
“None of that,” he says. “I want to hear you.”
His hands didn’t quite deliver the roughness that Steve was looking for, so he makes up for it with his mouth. He sucks a mark onto Steve’s chest, quick and harsh, and another one a little lower on the other side. Steve moans when he scrapes his teeth over his nipple, and Tony thoroughly abuses it before moving onto the other one. He’s having a hard time staying still, muscles contracting and twitching and hips rutting up against Tony’s abs, but his hands never move an inch.
Tony reaches blindly for the lube on the nightstand and squeezes out the bare minimum, mouth still working its way down Steve’s body. He doesn’t give any warning before breaching him with one finger, pushing in quick to the tight heat.
“Oh, God,” Steve exclaims, back arching up off the bed. His mouth is open wide with his jaw dropped, and Tony thinks that next time he’ll have Steve suck on his fingers first to use his spit to open him up with.
Tony tears his eyes away from Steve’s face to watch the spot where his finger moves in and out of Steve’s body. His hole is clenched around the digit, practically sucking it back in every time he pulls it out. His mind automatically supplies the image of what it will look like around his cock, how tight and hot it’ll be, and Tony has to squeeze his base to stave off the wave of need that courses through him.
He pushes Steve’s legs further apart and instructs, “Bend your knees for me, honey. Let me see all of you.”
Steve complies eagerly, spreading his legs wide with not even a hint of shame to the action, like he knows exactly how gorgeous he looks right now. Tony tells him anyway, just in case he doesn’t.
“Fuck, baby, you’re so pretty like this,” he says, free hand stroking through the fine hair on Steve’s inner thigh. He wants to leave a mark there, too, where no else but him will get to look. The one on his chest is already turning purple from the healing factor, providing the perfect picture of what his mark looks like on the porcelain white skin, and Tony gives into the urge.
He slips in a second finger while he works on the mark, and Tony hears the pillowcase rip. Laughing a little, he removes his mouth from Steve’s skin, satisfied enough with the mark, and says, “I get the feeling I’m going to need to invest in a lot of new sheets with you around.”
Steve answers only with a moan of his name as he pushes himself down onto Tony’s fingers. “Need more.”
Tony gives him less, shallowly thrusting his fingers in and scissoring them out just barely. “I was promised begging, Steve. Begging until you cried, actually, but I guess you don’t want it enough.”
“Please,” Steve gasps, grinding his hips down again. Tony pulls his fingers even further out so he can’t just take what he wants, and his voice raises an octave as he babbles, “Please, I’m being good. I want your cock in me now. Want you to open me up on it, make me yours. Please, Tony, please.”
Tony raises an eyebrow and shoves his fingers roughly back in. “You think you can handle it now, baby?”
Steve shivers at the sudden intensity, whining when Tony nails his prostate over and over. His toes curl into the sheets, and there’s another ripping sound.
“ Please ,” Steve says again, voice so thick that Tony thinks he might actually cry if he doesn’t get it soon.
Tony removes his fingers and reaches for the lube again. “Turn over. Put your hands on the headboard and don’t move them until I say so.”
Steve scrambles to his knees, wrapping his fingers so tightly around the headboard that his knuckles go white and the wood creaks threateningly. Soon to be another casualty of the night, Tony thinks.
Steve spreads his legs wide without having to be told, back arched to present his ass perfectly to Tony. His cock is dark red and dripping with precome, hanging heavy between his legs, and Tony thinks that it’s a shame he hasn’t done much with it yet. Later, he decides, once they’ve recovered from this, he’s going to test his own gag reflex out on it.
Tony presses a kiss to one of Steve’s cheeks, then nips at the spot. He adds another thing to the list of future things he wants to do to Steve when he parts Steve’s ass with his hands to get a good look at him. If it wasn’t for the whimpering sound Steve makes at the cold air on his sensitive skin, Tony would take the time to rim him now, but his patience is starting to run thin as well.
“Next time, baby, I’m going to go down on you until you come from just my tongue inside of you. But for now -” Tony takes his own cock in hand to spread the lube down, hissing at the pleasure of it “- I’m going to fuck you until you forget everything but my name.”
He lines himself up with Steve’s hole, bracing himself with one hand on Steve’s lower back, and pushes inside in one long movement. The headboard creaks again from the force of Steve’s grip when he bottoms out, and Tony doesn’t give him any time to adjust.
The pace he sets is hard and fast right from the start, and he trusts that Steve will tell him if it’s too much. But Steve matches the rhythm, each synchronized thrust punching groans out of both of them.
His fingers dig into Steve’s hips, and he loses himself to the feeling of being inside of Steve. There’s nothing except the heat of Steve’s body and the sound of skin slapping against skin. The alarm to assemble could go off right now, and he’s pretty sure he wouldn’t even notice. If he had known this is what it would be like, he would have suggested it himself weeks ago.
“Shit, baby, you feel so good. You’re so fucking tight.”
“Faster,” Steve begs. “Please, Tony.”
Tony picks up the pace, adjusting his grip on Steve’s hips, and Steve keens as the angle causes him to hit his prostate roughly.
Part of him wants to drag it out, to make Steve come on just his cock alone, but he won’t be able to last that long himself. It’s too much, and he needs to see Steve come before he does, wants to work him through it before he chases his own pleasure. He wraps his hand around Steve’s cock, the grip tight, and precome slicks the way.
“You’re perfect like this, sweetheart,” Tony says, folding himself over Steve’s back to whisper in his ear. “Being so, so good for me. Taking everything I’m giving you. You’re all mine, aren’t you, baby? Your ass is just for me to have.”
Steve’s breath stutters around a moan. “Yours. All yours.”
“Gonna let me bend you over whenever I want to, aren’t you? Let me use you. Could bend you over the kitchen counter in the morning, and you won’t even say a word. You’ll just take it like the needy boy you are.”
The sound Steve makes sounds like an agreement, and it puts even more ideas into Tony’s head.
“Bet you’d let me take you right on the conference room table after debrief. Won’t even wait until the door’s locked before you’re on your knees for me. Leave the uniform on cause you’re so desperate for my cock.”
“Oh, God,” Steve moans loudly, and Tony thinks he’s just discovered another one of his kinks.
“What’s doing it for you, baby? The uniform or the exhibitionism? It’s both, isn’t it?”
Steve nods, and Tony drives into him even harder, because he’s about ten seconds away from ruining his plan of making Steve come first.
“You’re going to get us into all sorts of trouble, aren’t you? I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off of you.”
He can feel Steve getting closer to the edge, his thighs trembling and arms shaking. Tony bites down on Steve’s shoulder, then swipes over the spot with his tongue and says, “Come for, baby. Show me how good I’m making you feel.”
The headboard splinters when Steve comes, breaking apart in his hand as Tony’s name falls from his mouth with the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard before. His hole clenches around Tony’s cock, and he tries to concentrate on keeping his rhythm steady for Steve, but it’s impossible not to give into the rush of pleasure sweeping down his spine.
His forehead falls against Steve’s shoulder as he fills Steve with his spend, and that’s even hotter than he was expecting. He always knew he had a bit of a possessive streak, especially when it comes to Steve, but he wasn’t anticipating it would manifest like this.
When the last of the aftershocks have passed, he becomes aware that almost all of his body weight is resting on Steve, who’s either collapsed to rest on his stomach on the mattress or purposely put himself there when Tony was too out of it to notice.
It takes every bit of energy he has left to rise up to his elbows and roll to the side, and Steve makes a meek sound of protest when Tony pulls out of him.
Steve turns his head to face him, cheek mashed into the tattered remains of the pillowcase and a dopey smile on his face. Completely gone is the distant look from before, and Tony grins.
“Can’t believe you thought I was going to be upset because you wanted me to absolutely rail you.”
Steve’s nose crinkles. “Can we not phrase it like that?”
“Is that not exactly what it was?” Tony retorts. He shifts to lay on his side next to Steve, who follows suit to face him. They’re both sticky from two rounds of sex, one mindblowing and one that feels respectively mediocre now, but Tony isn’t willing to dull his afterglow with things like cleanup just yet. “But for the record, we really can do that any time.”
Tony nods, leaning forward to press his lips to the purple mark on Steve’s chest. “And all of those things I said during are on the table, too. Plus anything else you want.”
Steve snakes an arm around his waist to pull him in closer and kisses the top of his head. “So you are going to bend me over the kitchen counter in the morning?”
“If you want me to,” Tony replies, hoping for a yes.
Steve doesn’t say anything about it just then, but the next morning, when Tony walks into the kitchen to see Steve wearing nothing but an apron, the answer is pretty clear.