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you’re perfect to me

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His entire life, Shouto knew he was different from everyone else. All the boys his age would talk about girls they thought were pretty, while he couldn’t help looking at certain boys in his grade. His gayness never really surprised him, it seemed natural. However, when puberty hit everything stopped making sense. He started to notice all the boys talking not about how pretty a girl was, but how big her boobs were, or how they wanted to do...things with them. He thought that there was something wrong with him. He never felt that way about boys. Even though he had crushes on boys, he never wanted to do anything other than date them?

So, obviously when his crush on Midoriya started to form, he knew it wouldn’t work. He was dysfunctional, he wasn’t normal. He couldn’t help but seek Midoriya out in a crowd, couldn’t help but stare in class, picking up on mannerisms most wouldn’t. He couldn’t help but be around Midoriya as much as possible. The feelings he felt for Midoriya were so nice and warm. So nice that sometimes he could forget his disposition. But then he would hear Kaminari talking about how hot Shinsou was, or Bakugou grumbling about Kirishima not wearing a shirt with his hero costume and “testing his patience”. If this is what a crush entailed then surely he didn’t have one on Midoriya right?

Midoriya without a shirt was no more distracting than any other time. Midoriya in the locker rooms was never weird or difficult, just another situation. Midoriya’s body was beautiful, don’t get him wrong, but so was everything about Midoriya. Seeing Midoriya never led to that kind of thinking, and Shouto knew then that if Midoriya couldn’t get him to feel this way that he never would.

He was simply dysfunctional, and that was never going to be enough for Midoriya if he even felt the same way. Midoriya wasn’t like him. He felt normal, like everyone else. He knew his first year. He could see the way Midoriya looked at both the boys and girls in their class. He hadn’t seen it recently, but he had seen it before. The lingering glances at their bodies, their curves and the way he would blush. He could help but think that blush adorable, even when he realized he’d never be enough for Midoriya. Even if Midoriya liked him back, he wasn’t broken like Shouto. He felt that way about others. The want and desire for intimate touch, sexual touch, was there clear as day.

He knew that he would do anything for Midoriya. The idea of being in that situation with anyone other than Midoriya disgusted him, but with Midoriya it’d be fine. Sure, Midoriya would be in control, would be the one driven, but Shouto wasn’t uncomfortable with the idea. He knew that if Midoriya wanted him that way, he would give him everything, even if he wanted nothing other than love in return.

But these were just fantasies of another life, one where Midoriya wanted him. As if Midoriya would want him when he was so clearly broken. Who would want someone who didn’t care if you were naked or not, unbothered by it? Wouldn’t that just upset him? Someone who didn’t want to have sex on his own accord, didn’t have that drive? Wouldn’t that make Midoriya feel unwanted?

So, when Midoriya asked to talk to him after class one day, he felt a spark of hope in his chest. One he immediately shut down. Sure, Midoriya had looked awfully cute when he asked, but when did he not? That didn’t mean Shouto should feel hope. Still, the entire class he couldn’t focus. He wondered what Midoriya would want to talk about. Maybe he finally noticed that he was broken and was curious. After all, Midoriya was an analytical person. If something was out of the norm he’d want to know the ins and outs of every aspect. Shouto was sure he was beyond abnormal. But then again, Midoriya was very considerate and wouldn’t want to make Shouto feel bad, so he probably wouldn’t phrase it that way, but-

Before he could finish his thought, the bell broke his focus as he realized class had ended. He looked to Midoriya who just gestured to him to follow. As he would do anything, he quickly packed his things and followed. That’s what he did best, follow Midoriya wherever he was wanted. So he did what he did best, and followed Midoriya to the courtyard.

When Midoriya finally stopped, he turned and looked at Shouto. Shouto felt breathless as he took in just how stunning Midoriya truly was. He was truly the most beautiful person he had ever seen. For a second, he could forget his own shortcomings and just revel in how perfect this boy was. How utterly perfect and not broken like himself. It hurt to think, but was a dull pain in comparison to the welcomed warm feelings that overtook his being.

He could never imagine someone so perfect could ever like someone like him, someone so broken. That’s why when Midoriya proceeded to stutter out “You’re really pretty and I’d like to take you on a date,” in a way only Midoriya could make so endearing, he was shocked beyond belief. He stood speechless for a second, just gaping at Midoriya. He couldn’t believe it. It’s like he rebooted, because one second he was gaping and the next, before he could even think about it, was saying an enthusiastic “Yes!” in response. The moment after he accepted, he froze.

If he wanted Midoriya, he would have to pretend to not be broken. Midoriya didn’t deserve to find out the guy he thought was pretty didn’t feel the same exact way. Sure, he couldn’t deny how utterly beautiful Midoriya was, but it didn’t spark anything different in his chest than when Midoriya did anything so purely him. He’d get that same feeling whenever Midoriya would mutter to himself as if no one could hear, whenever Midoriya refused to give up on someone, like he refused to give up on him, breaking his arms for it, whenever Midoriya would get excited about All Might merch, or whenever Midoriya would get sassy with Bakugou. These feelings were not like the feelings Midoriya would feel if he saw Shouto in scantily clad clothes. If he saw him in tight fitting clothes. He knows how normal, unbroken people feel about those they like, so he could mimic that. He could give Midoriya what he wanted, what he deserved.

So instead of saying off the bat that he was broken, he didn’t mention it.

Then he decided that he never would, because things with Midoriya were perfect. Midoriya was his, now declared his boyfriend. They would text everyday, and that bubbly feeling never went away. Everything was perfect, he found he immensely enjoyed kissing Midoriya simply for the way it would make him flustered. And also how perfectly his lips slotted against his own. He loved cuddling with him and going on cute dates with him. Everything seemed almost too perfect, and he feared that his brokenness would ruin everything soon.

He began to feel this way when, a few weeks after making it official, the other boys in class started to tease them. At first it was things like how lovey-dovey they would act, or how Midoriya would blush whenever Shouto laid a kiss on his cheek, or how he himself would do the same when Midoriya held his hand. But then, they would tease them whenever they went to Midoriya’s room, saying “better not get too loud, don’t want to hear y’all fuck from down here,” that would send a pang of guilt straight to his heart when he’d see Midoriya get flustered and look at him, or when they would say things like “better stop staring at Mido’s ass before he sees you,” even though he wasn’t in the first place. These things were said with such normality that of course he felt utterly broken because if boyfriends were supposed to have sex then why didn’t he want that? Why would he feel content with just simply cuddling Midoriya and staying by his side till the end of time?

How could he ever refute the belief that he was broken when it was so clearly true?

It was then that he decided he’d give Midoriya what he wanted, even if keeping from him that he didn’t feel that way hurt him. So next time he was in Midoriya’s room alone with him, he said “Have you ever wanted to have sex with me?” He wasn’t expecting Midoriya’s response to be so...endearing?

“Of course! I mean, if you’re not ready that’s fine, I would love to have you that way, but if you wanna wait we can! It’s no rush I like how things are now as well! I just-“ Shouto cuts him off with a kiss. “If that’s what you want, I’m ready” he lied. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready with this weight on his shoulders, but it’s now or never.

He sees the way Midoriya’s eyes dilate, feels when Midoriya crawls into his lap, melts into the kiss when Midoriya initiates it. This is normal, he can handle this. This isn’t anything new. However, when he feels Midoriya’s tongue prod a his lips, he freezes for a second, unsure of what to do, before he remembers that this is a make out session. He opens his mouth slightly to let him in, and then the brokenness starts to take over.

He can’t help but feel like there’s something very wrong with him. Midoriya seems to be way more into this than he is, panting and shivering slightly. He knows that for this to be believable he has to mimic this as well. He has always been a decent actor, so it isn’t really too difficult. He knows from all the times he sat in his room trying to make porn do what it does for everyone else what comes next. He starts to kiss down Midoriya’s neck, panting as he does so. It feels nice, to make Midoriya feel good, but he still feels wrong. Sick, almost. He knows this is wrong because Midoriya doesn’t know he’s broken. He can’t even wallow in the parts that are nice because the cloud of guilt is making his breath come faster anyways.

He continues to remove Midoriya’s shirt, kissing down his chest as he gets to the hem of his jeans. This is the ultimate test. Will this finally fix him? Will he finally feel normal? He begins to unbutton and unzip and take off the jeans, making eye contact with Midoriya as he does so. He can visibly see the effect this is having on his boyfriend and wonders if he can see the lack thereof in Shouto’s eyes. Instead of wallowing in the possibility, he gets to work.

It’s a very tactical thing, the way he touches Midoriya. It doesn’t feel natural at all, but from what he’s watched, he knows that this feels good, and he can see it on Midoriya’s face. The noises he’s making are beautiful, just like everything else about him, and he can’t help but feel like this is the closest he will ever get to normal. Even if the way he’s reacting isn’t changing anything, it makes it easier to push aside his brokenness and just provide. He enjoys this, making Midoriya feel wanted and good, likes that Midoriya is going crazy over it. In the back of his mind, he can’t deny that he’s a little envious. He wants to be able to feel this way. He wishes he could, but he just can’t. He’s just broken.

It doesn’t take very long for Midoriya to finish, making the most beautiful face Shouto has seen on anyone, and spurting all over himself and Shouto’s hand. As Midoriya comes down from the high, Shouto realizes that he is semi-hard. He can’t help but freak out, knowing that it’s not good enough, even though it’s the closest to normal than anything he’s ever experienced knows that it’s not enough. Knows that Midoriya was fully hard just from making out with Shouto. Knows that the eye contact during the act made Midoriya crazy, but just made Shouto pleasantly warm inside.

Now that Midoriya knows he’s broken, he’s bound to because of course he can see how the interaction barely gave him a semi, Shouto hides himself in the bathroom and can’t breathe. He’s about to lose the best thing that’s ever happened to him, all because he’s broken. All because he can’t feel that way, all because he was broken from the get go. He can’t hear a damn thing as Midoriya is banging on the door, begging Shouto to just let him in, to just talk to him. He can’t help it as he begins to sob uncontrollably, letting himself feel what he’s been pushing down for so long trying to pretend that everything’s fine when it’s so not fine. Doesn’t even realize Midoriya broke the door down until he’s in Midoriya’s arms, sobbing into his shoulder. The calming breaths Midoriya has him follow help calm him down as Midoriya whispers on repeat that he’s not gonna leave and that he’s not upset about it and that he just wants to know what’s wrong.

When Shouto can think clearly again, he realizes that he can’t run from the brokenness anymore, that he has to tell Midoriya what’s going on with him, why he’s so worked up and why he’s better off without him. Midoriya leads him to the bed and they sit down.

Shouto looks at him and remembers who Midoriya is. The kind, caring person he is, that wouldn’t give up on Shouto just because he’s broken. Remembers that he trusts this boy more than anything in the world, the boy who saved him from himself.

“Todoroki, what happened? I thought things were going well? Did I do something to upset you? Did I push you? I just wanna know how I can make it better cause I really don’t want to lose you.” As he said this, he looked to Shouto expectantly.

Midoriya had a way of bringing out the truth, so Shouto spilled. “Things are going well! You make me happier than anyone, and I never wanna lose you either. I just, I’m broken. Seeing you that way was nice, and you’re beautiful even like that, but I just don’t have the same spark that you do. It’s hard to explain but I’m just lacking what everyone else seems to have. I want to have that so badly, but I’m broken and I just can’t. The entire time I was making you feel good I felt warm, but not hot like you. Seeing you that way doesn’t make me go crazy, and I’m broken because of that, I-“

Midoriya shut him up with a hand over his mouth. “Todoroki you’re not broken. You’re just asexual.” Shouto couldn’t process what he was hearing. He had no idea what asexual even meant when it came to people. He thought that was just being able to reproduce alone? Midoriya could see the clear confusion in his eyes and removed his hand. “What you’re describing has a name, it’s something many other people feel,” he paused, pulling out his phone and typing until he showed Shouto his screen. “There’s communities out there of people who feel the way you do. You’re not broken, you just don’t feel sexual attraction, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

For the first time in his life, he had a name for the brokenness. Reading that definition made everything click into place. The reason he thought he was broken all these years was because he had never heard of anyone feeling the way he did. In fact, it seemed that many other people had as he scrolled through forum after forum, reading stories of people finally finding a name for what they’re feeling. He still felt broken, it’d take some time not to, but he didn’t feel alone anymore. He handed Midoriya back his phone and melted into the hug Midoriya wrapped him in. “You’re not broken, you never have been. You’re completely perfect to me, Todoroki. I’m so lucky I can call you mine.”

After that, Shouto felt it inadequate to keep being called Todoroki by the boy who had saved him more times than he can count. “Shouto,” he said. Seeing Midoriya’s confused expression, he repeated “Shouto, call me Shouto.” The blush he saw overtake Midoriya's cheeks made his heart warm, as Midoriya said, “Okay Shouto, then you should call me Izuku.” This made his entire being warm, hearing his name in that voice. Even his face felt warmer than normal, he could tell he was blushing as well. Midoriya, no, Izuku, brought his beautiful scarred hand to his cheek and kissed him, making Shouto melt. When Izuku pulled away, he couldn’t help it, the words just flooding out of his mouth. “I love you, Izuku.”

He could visibly see Izuku’s face turn red as he pulled him in for another kiss, saying “I love you too, Shouto,” as he pulled away. Shouto felt as if he were on cloud nine, never having expected things to go this well. As they kissed again, and again, and again, Shouto could see Izuku getting worked up again. Izuku pulled back, panting. “What are you okay with? I don’t want to push you or make you uncomfortable.”

That was a great question, one he didn’t really have an answer to. The first thing that came to mind was “anything, anything for you” and he realized that’s exactly how he felt. “Anything,” he said, this time out loud, “anything for you.” Shouto knew that Izuku might misinterpret, so he clearly stated that sex was nice and enjoyable simply because Izuku felt good. His reaction from before was one of fear, a fear that he would leave him.

“Shouto, I could never leave you,” he said before kissing him again. “I love you too much for that, you have nothing to worry about.”

That night was eventful for both of them. Shouto was happy that he could make Izuku feel good, and Izuku was happy that Shouto wanted to. As they fell into slumber, Shouto realized that he was the luckiest person alive. He was with the only person he could ever want, and that was more than enough for him. He didn’t know it yet, but Izuku was thinking the exact same thing.