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Repetitions and Do-Overs

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"You think maybe they, like, pushed it a little too far this time? Like, okay, so now we're cops pretending to be cops?"

"In training. We're pretending to be cops in training. It's different."

"Right. So what you're saying is, we can, like, fuck up and shit and nobody's going to notice?"

"Did you ever want to be that guy who's totally best at everything, first in class, always being held up by teachers as a shining example of what the rest of us losers?"

"Totally. Um. Not? Totally not? I mean, fuck no. Right?"

"Right. I mean, what are they going to do: fail us for a class we've already passed?"

"... You think they can do that? Because, I mean, that would kind of suck, if they could do that. I mean, yeah, I passed, but it's not as if it was easy or anything."

"They can't do that. I mean, no way, man. No fucking way."

"We could ask."

"No."

"Why not? We can be casual about it, like, hey, by the way, you're not going to fail us, like, for real. You know, be smooth about it."

"No."

"You know, your negativity really gets to me sometimes. I mean, what the hell, man. Just, would it kill you to be actually positive about something for once? Would it?"

"What - I'm not negative! I'm just saying we're not going to ask."

"Yeah, well, then they're not going to tell, are they? What, you think someone's just going to walk up to us on our first day and say, hey, you're those two undercover dudes nobody's supposed to know about, right? Well, guess what - you better pass your classes or else we're going to fail you. Retroactively."

"Retro-what? Why do you allways have to use such fucking complicated words? It's like you want to make me feel dumb or something."

"You are dumb. I mean, 'retroactively' is a perfectly normal word. People use it, like, all the time. And hey, let's face it, you'd have failed half your classes the first year if it hadn't been for me. You're welcome, by the way."

"Oh God."

"No, it's - I mean, it was a mutual thing, right? I helped you, you helped me. We're cool. I just want, you know, a little bit of fucking appreciation, okay? You don't have to buy me flowers or something."

"It's, like, when we went back to high school, and you were popular and I wasn't, and it was all wrong."

"Um, gee, thanks?"

"No, I mean, it's like that episode where Spock is all reckless and flirting with all the alien babes, while Kirk is serious and logical and shit. And Uhura was wearing pants. Long ones. Damn, that show was sexist back then."

"I have absolutely no fucking idea what you're talking about. Do I even want to know what you're talking about? Is this, like, geek stuff?"

"Mirror universe. In high school, I was popular and you weren't, so when we went back there - "

" - I was popular and you weren't. All right, fair enough."

"Don't you see?"

"Well, I don't think either of us was really super-popular in police school the first time around, so."

"So? So? We were friends last time we went there, Schmidt. Best friends. We go back there, you know what's going to happen to us? What has to happen to us, because you can never do the same thing twice?"

"Oh."

"Yes, 'oh'. Damn right, 'oh'. We're fucked. We are absolutely so fucked right now."

"Well. I mean, I hear hatesex can be pretty hot, right? So, I mean, maybe it's not going to be all bad, you know? Got to look at the bright side."

"I can't fucking believe you."

"Hey, you think maybe this time, instead of one of us taking a bullet for the other, we're going to end up, like, shooting each other or something?"

"Fuck you."

"Sorry, not tonight. Headache. Doesn't mean I don't love you."

"Seriously, fuck you."

"Seriously, headache."

"All right, stop talking."

"No, you stop talking."

"No, you stop talking."

"You first."

"You first."

"I hate you so much right now I swear I could fucking kiss you."

"Third base or nothing. I'm not that kind of guy."

"Damn it. Fine. You win."