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should this be the last thing i see (i want you to know it's enough for me)

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Jennie rushed after the culprit. The loud noise of the sirens behind her indicating that backup has arrived. This didn’t make Jennie stop and take a deep breath however. She rather exhaled and pushed her legs faster against the concrete ground. The culprit seemed to have hidden in a construction site. The brunette police officer’s hands brushed to her gun, she raised it and took slow steps forward. He has to be near.

 

With squinted eyes she focused on her environment and sharpened her ears for any sound to pick up on. Then finally she heard the clicking of heels and turned around rashly. 

 

She found a stone that scattered against the ground. Crap . Quickly she turned around but it was too late. The buzzing in her ears already deafened her and the burning pain in her stomach made her lose grasp of her gun. 

 

She thumped to the ground, her vision dimming steadily. She puffed breaths and clenched her fists.

 

It’s just a flesh wound.

 

She needs to stand up and bandage it, if she can’t do that she at least should press her palm against it with much pressure. She tried to move her fingers but they also became shaky until she couldn’t feel them anymore.

 

Her eyes flickered to the blue sky. She inhaled and exhaled. Is that it?

 

“Jendeukie.”

 

Her pupils dilated. She was hearing things as her mind went foggy. But the voice became more dominant in her head and she couldn't shrug it off. She even began to see a picture of it. It became more vivid the more her eyes fluttered shut. And yet she fought to keep her eyes open. To see a glimpse of that person. Because as reality distanced itself from her she imagined she was before her.

 

A tiny version of Jennie played by herself in the sandbox. Her little nose scrunched up as she concentrated on carving her sandcastle into a princess sandcastle. 

 

She only let go of her red plastic shovel for one second, yet it was snatched away rapidly. She tilted her head and saw the small boys grinning at her as they passed the shovel to each other.

 

Her eyebrows knitted together, she stumbled on her feet and attempted to retake her shovel. “Give it back!” She pleaded as she jumped to catch it but she was smaller than they were and couldn’t reach it.

 

One boy held it up as she hopped to reach it to no avail. He chuckled and pushed her down by her head, simply for entertainment purposes. The other boys ate it up and snickered furiously.

 

“Hey! Leave her alone!” Jennie heard a husky voice and the sound of someone being kicked in his guts was audible afterwards. The boy that held her shovel dropped down and started to cry.

 

Seconds later they could hear the sound of his complaining mother make their way towards them. Jennie’s wrist was grabbed and she was dragged away.

 

She watched the back of the girl who stood up for her. Her raven hair was spread by the wind as they ran away to escape a possible scolding.

 

Behind the trunk of a tree they catched their breaths. The little girl gave Jennie a slight smile. 

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

Her voice rang in Jennie’s ear. She felt warmth pool in her heart as the girl was checking on her for injuries and advised her not to give those boys the satisfaction of acknowledging their presence. They are striving for a response, so it’s better to ignore them until they are tired.

 

Now Jennie was a pretty shy girl that occasionally mustered up courage to bond with others because more than anything she liked warm hugs and nose nuzzling. But that took a while. Hence she was overwhelmed when the other girl showered her with questions and threw jokes at her when she received no answer.

 

Jennie balled her small fists and stepped forward, she cupped the girl’s cheeks and pecked the tip of her nose like a feather brushing against it. It surely tickled her. This was her token of gratitude and surely it was the best way to convey her sincerity.

 

She felt quite content with herself thereafter. But she did not expect the girl to grow red cheeks and run away from her without a word.

 

She was extremely sad and assumed she did something wrong to the girl. So she was very relieved when she found her the next day in the same playground,  asking her to play ball together.

 

That was the first time Jennie met Jisoo.

 

It was finally sinking in to her that something was missing. Someone with a pretty heart shaped smile. The void in Jennie’s chest that she suppressed for so long suddenly grew exponentially. It bursted open like water crashing through a damaged dam. She didn’t know where she is but she knew that she missed her greatly.

 

“Jennie!”

 

Consciousness flew to Jennie’s body. Her eyes roamed around, she blinked rapidly as she gasped for air.

 

“Oh thank god!”

 

Her best friend Rosé punched her weak shoulder and a groan escaped Jennie’s lips. Her vision cleared, she was in a hospital bed.

 

“Why hit an injured woman….” Jennie whined, her shoulder was aching, her torso was aching and her head was aching. 

 

Everything hurt but she sucked it up and asked the other if they caught the culprit to which Rosé quickly dismissed with a yes and proceeded to throw her frustration at her. Because that seemed to be more important to her than talking about their latest mission.

 

“You were supposed to wait for back up you big fat jerk!” Rosé cursed and surely didn’t have any mercy on Jennie for the fact that she just survived a gunshot on her belly. Oh no. If anything that is reason enough for Rosé to be even meaner.

 

“There, there.” Their superior, Captain Jiyong opened the door and called to stop the commotion. Rosé was being very loud while she gave Jennie her mind. “For now we should let her rest.”

 

“So I’m…” Jennie spoke through her dry throat. “Out of trouble?” She asked hopefully.

 

“Pft. No way.” He shook his head at the absurd question. “You are in trouble for going against my orders young lady.”

 

His stern voice made Jennie slump her shoulders down in defeat. “What kind of trouble…” She coughed. Rosé offered her to drink from a bottle of water. She quickly gulped the water down, leaving drops on her chin and lips.

 

“Parking attendant duty for a month.” Her superior responded without hesitation.

 

Rosé snorted loudly and Jennie spit the water out. “Please no! Anything but that!” She choked on air and gasped. Rosé hit her back repeatedly, her laugh dying in her throat as Jennie was struggling.

 

“Jennie Kim, this is not the first time you have gone to do your thing on your own. You should be grateful that you don’t receive a severe punishment.” He said firmly and Jennie shrank into the mattress. She lowered her head in shame. “For now, lie back and recover. We will talk more later. And Officer Park, you can get the day off.”

 

He had a lot of meetings to attend so he bid goodbye. He only had time to check on her and since she seemed alive that was enough for him.

 

“Rest well.”

 

“Yes, dad.”

 

The Captain left the two alone.

 

*****

 

With her (embarrassing) parking lot attendant uniform that consisted of short green pants, shirt and hat, she waddled through the streets, observing parked cars.

 

She would much rather chase criminals or even write protocol. Anything but give people traffic tickets and empty the parking meters. So boring.

 

For weeks Jennie felt like shit. It was not only her injury that was tugging at her heart but also her epiphany was clouding her mind. Everywhere she looked she saw Jisoo. And everything she perceived she connected to Jisoo.

 

“Excuse me miss, could you tell me where the parking area is? I can find no spot to park my car.”

 

Car. Jisoo also had a car—

 

“Let’s go to the mall Jendeuk, I’m driving.”

 

Jennie’s eyes popped wide open. “Y-You, K-Kim Jisoo, want to go to the mall? To shop?”

 

“Stop being so dramatic. I also sometimes buy new clothes.” Jisoo rolled her eyes and slapped her shoulder playfully.

 

“Duh. But you order them online.” Jennie eyed her suspiciously. Her best friend is acting strange.

 

“Well, I want to buy it physically now. Are you coming or not?” Jisoo pouted at her and Jennie instantly melted. Of course she nodded and followed Jisoo into her blue Mini 5dr. 

 

It was quite a small car that belonged to Jisoo’s family but the two thought it was comfortable and cozy. Jennie even called it cute which Jisoo found endearing.

 

In the mall the first thing they did was enter various luxurious shops. Even if they couldn’t afford most items Jennie still insisted on looking at them. Jisoo forced her feet forward as the younger needed hours to drag her through each shop.

 

They had a huge debate on what type of clothes Jisoo should buy. Because Jennie told her to not only buy sweatpants and sweaters. As comfortable as they are, it would be nice if she had variety in her wardrobe.

 

“Why can’t I just buy this Pikachu tee?” Jisoo raised it over her torso and showed Jennie how it looked like on her.

 

“Jichu, stop. You have like ten of those. How about this shirt and skort instead?” Jennie brought her a pink rib knit polo shirt, paired with a black skort.

 

“Skort? Don’t you mean skirt?” Jisoo let out a chuckle.

 

“No. That’s a skort, a pair of shorts designed to appear like skirts. They have a lining in between the legs to protect the modesty of the wearer, skirts don’t.” Jennie explained and pushed her to the changing booth.

 

“You want to protect my modesty?” Jisoo wiggled her eyebrows and gave her a teasing look over her shoulder.

 

“Of course! You are very pretty, you have to take care of yourself.”

 

“Ah you are so conservative.” Jisoo giggled as she changed her clothes behind the booth. Jennie was waiting behind the red curtain with her back turned to it. Sure, those curtains should be enough shelter but Jennie always guards her booth as well just to be safe.

 

“I’m not conservative, I’m just trying to look out for you because I love you.” She puffed her cheeks up and crossed her arms. Jisoo didn’t really respond after that. She must have been busy changing.

 

They decided to buy skorts, a few blouses, and yes Jennie also secretly bought that Pikachu tee for her best friend which she delivered her the next day.

 

“I’m hungry, corn dogs?” Now it was Jisoo’s turn to drag Jennie around as she grabbed her wrist tightly. Jennie nodded, they stood in line of the corn dog cart. For some reason Jisoo flinched and hid behind Jennie out of nowhere.

 

“What’s up?” Jennie nudged her sides. Jisoo didn’t respond, so Jennie followed the line of her sight and saw a few boys.

 

“Oh that’s Sehun right? Isn’t he in your chemistry class?” Jennie concluded quickly. “Let’s say hi--”

 

“No!” Jisoo interrupted, slapping her shoulder as warning. The younger tilted her head and saw that her cheeks were red.

 

“You like him?” Jennie stated. She didn’t expect a response because she could already feel it by looking at her eyes. She didn’t want a response either because she won’t like what she will hear.

 

Something pinched Jennie’s heart, it squeezed it tightly and didn’t let go. She hated that burning sensation. Why does it feel like she is hurting?

 

“Are you okay?” Jisoo poked Jennie’s chubby cheek. “You are frowning.” She sounded concerned and saddened herself. They have that thing where their moods affect the other so much that it brushes on them easily.

 

Jennie shook her head and gave her a small smile as she leaned her head on the crook of the other’s neck that perfectly fit her head.

 

“You are still sad we couldn’t go to the summer camp, aren't you?” Jisoo sighed upset and brought her hand forward to caress Jennie’s head. Soon the queue diminished and they could buy their corn dogs.

 

“Cheer up, I promise we will have a lot of fun.” She promised the brunette and held up two sticks, feeding the younger.

 

In that moment Jennie's mood lifted drastically because now she understood what their mall trip was really about. It wasn't an excuse to see that boy. She probably didn't even know he would be here. The reason Jisoo invited her on it is because she wanted to cheer her up.

 

She meant to cheer her up since Jennie couldn’t go to the summer camp. Her parents have forgotten to submit the paper in time, it catched cobwebs on the working table of her dad. Out of solidarity Jisoo didn’t go either and spent the whole summer making Jennie smile

 

“Miss!”

 

Jennie flinched. Right. She is a parking lot attendant, not a highschool student. She has to do her current job rather than dreaming about the past.

 

“I’m sorry.” Jennie apologised and instructed the man which way he had to take in order to find the parking area, because it was a busy friday and most parking spaces were occupied.

 

*****

 

Daydreaming about Jisoo didn’t seem that harmful to Jennie and that’s why she didn’t think she had to do something about it. But her friends thought otherwise.

 

“I’m just saying, it’s kind of weird for you to suddenly think of this girl when you have never even mentioned her before.” Rosé claimed as she sipped on a glass of red wine. On Fridays they drank wine, ate tacos and watched a film at Jennie’s place.

 

“I told you, I kind of suppressed the memories about her but as I lied helplessly on the ground, thinking I was going to die, suddenly all I saw was her….. It came flooding back...”

 

“That’s super romantic.” Her friend Lisa commented. “Are you sure you didn’t date her or something?”

 

“No!” Jennie denied right away, her face turned beet red effortlessly. Just imagining dating Jisoo boiled her body and made her go haywire.

 

“Then do you like her?” Lisa questioned, intrigued. 

 

Jennie pursed her lips. Did she like Jisoo? No, she loved Jisoo. She always would. She loved her so much.

 

Why did she ever allow herself to lose touch with her? Jennie isn't so sure herself anymore. It probably started when she went to police school while Jisoo went to med school.

 

They were busy with their careers and had less time to meet up. Additionally Jisoo and Jennie envisioned their near future differently.

 

Jisoo wanted a family, Jennie was far from ready for that. They had less common interests and topics to talk about. They still send each other messages and presents for their birthdays but one day even that stopped.

 

And like before Jennie can't pinpoint when it was. She only remembers their last physical meeting.

 

They went to a restaurant with a few of their friends to catch up, they all talked about their life's and Jisoo announced that she wants to adopt a child with her fiancé Sehun.

 

That shocked Jennie. Obviously she gave them encouraging words but she never liked Jisoo's relationship with Sehun. She didn't notice it but he changed her. He soaked her in like a black hole.

 

“Whether Jennie is interested in her romantically or not, you should absolutely talk to her. I mean she was literally the last thing you thought about before you died. There is no way you can rest easily without having that glimpse of relief that she gives you.” Rosé advised Jennie. 

 

Rosé turned as emotional as she had to be. Jennie could be hard headed and if you don’t spell out for her what to do, her pride might get in the way of taking action.

 

“I don’t know…. We haven’t seen each other in so long. Wouldn’t it be weird if I suddenly went up to her and told her she was my dying vision and we should be friends again?” Jennie argued skeptically.

 

“I would feel charmed if someone told me that.” Lisa shrugged her shoulders. Not everything needs to be complicated if you can choose to be honest. “Try your shot officer. The worst thing she can do is be disgusted and tell you to go away.”

 

Jennie’s face fell. That would be an absolute nightmare. A rejection by Jisoo, whatever kind, she can not survive.

 

“She will not say that.” Rosé rebutted, glaring at Lisa to silence her playful mouth. “She might be taken aback but she won’t be disgusted. Trust me.”

 

Jennie wanted to trust Rosé’s intuition then again her friend did not know Jisoo, so she was nevertheless hesitant and afraid. She wants to shoot her shot but she is scared and shy and feels suddenly like her sixteen year old self who was scared but giddy at the same time about spending a whole weekend with Jisoo alone at a ski resort.

 

Jennie was very excited about this trip. It was the first time she travelled somewhere with a friend alone and for that friend to be Jisoo made it all the better.

 

"You get cold easily, why choose a ski resort as destination?" Jisoo asked casually while they unpacked their luggages in their shared hotel room.

 

"You like snowboarding." Jennie admitted quietly. Seeing how much that made Jisoo smile she knew she made the right choice. 

 

Unlike Jisoo, Jennie wasn’t that good at snowboarding. It took her courage to even have a stance on that board while standing. Her friend tried to help her by holding her hand while taking slow steps. After a while Jennie imagined holding Jisoo’s hand and was able to glide smoothly on her own.

 

Well at least for a bit before she fell down but the important part is that she wasn’t scared and didn’t hesitate.

 

That’s why even though she fell on her knees and ate snow, she felt victorious. The elder cheered for her and walked up to hug her, sharing the joy her best friend felt.

 

“See? It wasn’t that scary.” Jisoo giggled, wrapping her arms around Jennie’s shoulder as she sat on her lap.

 

“It wasn’t.” Jennie agreed. “Because you are with me.” She didn’t say out loud, she kept it in her head--

 

“Earth to Jennie!” Rosé shook Jennie’s shoulders until she snapped out of it. “You did it again, didn’t you?! God! You really are a goner!” She groaned. The brunette shoved her away and averted her gaze, the flames grew in her puffed up cheeks.

 

“This is a severe case of longing.” Lisa observed, placing her wine glass on the glass table. “The type of yearning only a Taylor Swift song does justice.”

 

Jennie rolled her eyes and released a breath. “It’s not that serious. Really. I’ll forget about it tomorrow. Just wait and see.”

 

*****

 

Jennie didn’t stop thinking about Jisoo the next day. In fact she feels quite a bit pathetic because currently she is stalking Jisoo on social media, her curiosity got the best of her. Her fingers swiped over her phone as she searched for her on Instagram. She still remembered her username, otherwise she is certain she would never have found her. There are tons of Kim Jisoo’s in the world but it goes without saying that Jennie’s was special to her.

 

Right away the most recent four pictures made her stomach twist. Dread overcame her which she swallowed down quickly. It was to be expected that Jisoo has a family now but confirming her thoughts made her feel uneasy. She missed out a lot on her life.

 

Her feed was full with her friends, flowers, food but particularly a little boy and a man stuck out to her. She knew that man, it was Sehun. So they are still together and their plans of settling down together with a child were fulfilled. 

 

There was that part in the back of Jennie’s mind that assumed they might have split up by now (or maybe she even hoped for it), yet she cursed herself for thinking that way. It’s good to see that Jisoo is happy. At least that’s what she concludes with those happy pictures.

 

She shut her phone down and slumped back in her seat with a sigh.

 

*****

 

One night the image of Jisoo was so vivid that her head was pounding furiously. She jogged around her block, and the jogging quickly became a marathon. To Jisoo’s house no less. Now that really sounds bad but it’s even worse than it sounds, because Jennie actually knocked on her door like a maniac, covered in sweat, panting.

 

Now imagine the shock on Jisoo’s face when she opened the door carefully only to see that sweaty woman at her porch.

 

“L-Look…. I know….” She gasped for air. “It’s weird... for me to show up here looking like shit….” Another deep breath for air, slowly her breathing evened out. 

 

Jisoo didn’t interrupt her while she was inhaling and exhaling. Not one word from her. She didn’t look scared either. The shock quickly subsided and was replaced with something else. Curiosity maybe.

 

“Looking like shit.” Jennie repeated, trying to remember what she wanted to say.  “Um… I happened to be in the neighbourhood and thought I’d say hi.” She gazed nervously at a still motionless Jisoo and it only made her more anxious. “Shit, sorry. You probably already forgot about me—”

 

“Jennie.” Jisoo interrupted her. “Wow, I haven’t seen you in… how long has it been? Like five years?”

 

“Three years and five months.” Jennie responded, instantly regretting what she said once the amusement bubbled up on Jisoo’s face. “I mean, I think…” She said with pink cheeks. “Oh god that sounded creepy.” She fiddled with her fingers nervously.

 

The fool was already made out of herself. It’s not like she can embarrass herself anymore than this. It’s over.

 

Jisoo chuckled. “No, you are just knocking on my door at two am, covered in sweat and all. Not creepy at all.”

 

Jennie blushed madly. She wished the ground would cave in and swallow her whole. “I’m so sorry—”

 

“I’m joking, Jen.” Her giggle resonated clearly in the quiet night. “You should come in. You must be freezing.”

 

That’s when Jennie noticed she was shivering. “N-No, uh, I’m not. I’m always out this late. I-I just wanted to say hi ... That’s it. Sorry!”

 

She turned around and bolted away without giving Jisoo another glance. The flames erupted in her face and burned her entire body. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!

 

It’s almost like their first encounter except the other way around. Jennie is certain she will regret this in the morning even more than her adrenaline pumped body could at this moment and she already did a lot.

 

*****

 

Thereafter Jisoo followed Jennie on Instagram which almost made the guts jump out of Jennie's body. How did she find her? Jennie only made an account after they fell out of touch. Then again Jennie Kim isn't exactly a common name for a Korean. It might have not been that hard to find her on social media after all. With Jennie's finger hovering over the follow button for minutes, Jennie finally found the courage to follow her back. 

 

She almost instantly got a notification which made her jump up and gasp. 

 

Jisoo: Hi! :)

 

Quick! Respond! Jennie told herself. 

 

Jennie: Hi

 

Was that too cold? Jennie quickly typed more.

 

Jennie: :)

 

No! Now it looks uncool! If only she could delete her messages from Jisoo's phone...

 

Jisoo: Want to hang out?

 

Jennie's breath was stuck in her throat, she could only mutter incoherent words before she forced herself to reply. She needed to play it cool, she couldn't be too eager, otherwise she would sound desperate.

 

Jennie: Sure. When?

 

Short and yet not rude. This has to do.

 

Jisoo: Right now? 

 

Jennie: kfjfkfkdkjdjdjdj

 

Jennie: Sorry my fingers slipped

 

Jennie: Sure let's hang out. Where do I meet you?

 

Jennie took deep breaths and concentrated on her intake of air. Jisoo has a child, Jisoo is still with Sehun. This is no date, it's kind of a rekindle type of friendly date. That's all there is to it. Jennie nodded, no need to freak about a friendly hang out.

 

Jisoo sent her the details, making Jennie slap herself because she was supposed to work and she completely forgot. What to do?

 

*****

 

"Cute uniform." Jisoo grinned teasingly when Jennie sat across her with bright red cheeks.

 

"I-I'm not.. I usually don't wear this.." Jennie lowered her head.

 

"So you are no parking attendant and this is just a carnival costume?"

 

Jennie hmphed. "I'm a police officer, I was just degraded to parking attendant duty as punishment." She justified herself.

 

"You caused trouble?" Jisoo chuckled amused. "Mischievous is how I know you."

 

"That's not true! I was an honour student, you know!" Jennie disagreed, frowning.

 

"Right." Jisoo nodded, a playful glint in her eyes. "I ordered you a warm milk. I hope you still like it." She slipped the cup over to her.

 

"How could I ever not like milk. Thank you." Jennie accepted the beverage and took a sip, carefully slow in order not to burn her sensitive tongue.

 

"It feels like eternity." Jisoo sighed. She didn't have to specify more. Jennie agrees with her. It has been much too long since they were last together in person.

 

"You must be busy." Jennie commented. With her family and all.

 

"Quite a bit." Jisoo nodded. "Surely being a police officer has you pretty occupied as well. I mean when you are given back your position."

 

"A few weeks left." Jennie counted the days impatiently. "Are you still working in the hospital?"

 

"I moved to my father's hospital."

 

"I see. I feel honoured you wasted your rare free time to see me." Jennie smiled.

 

"It's no waste." Jisoo frowned. "I missed you."

 

And just like that Jennie's heart did a backflip. Her ears were burning and her face was hot. 

 

"I missed you too."

 

Jennie admitted before she could even process her words. It seems like Jisoo was taken aback too, judging by the flash that went through her eyes.

 

"You did?"

 

"Yes. A lot."

 

That was the heaviest her heart felt. After ripping off that band aid, it went more light-hearted. They exchanged stories about their lives and gave each other their new phone numbers with the promise of meeting up more often.

 

What surprised Jennie however was that Jisoo didn't talk about her family. Maybe she didn't want Jennie to feel bad but why? Does she know Jennie liked her a bit too much? Or does she think Jennie would envy her and feel bad about herself for not being in that happy place yet?

 

Or maybe it's much simpler than that and Jisoo had just so much to say that she didn't come to that point yet.

 

True to their words they met up a lot after that and after a few weeks it felt like they were back to before they lost touch. It recircled to their comfortable friendship really quickly.

 

"It feels so strange that we didn't talk for years. Like a weird dream." Jisoo said one night when they were cuddled up on her couch while watching Netflix.

 

"Right?" Jennie giggled nervously.

 

Jisoo turned around, cupping Jennie's chubby cheeks. "If you disagree you can tell me."

 

Jennie froze. "T-That's not--"

 

"You don't feel comfortable yet? I'm sorry." Jisoo dropped her arms, her expression speaking of sadness.

 

"No, I am comfortable." Jennie fumbled, her stiff posture contradicting her words. "I still see you as my best friend."

 

"Strangely, I do too. There hasn't been anyone else. The past years I drowned myself in work."

 

"Me too!" Jennie nodded vigorously. So it was the same for the both of them.

 

Jennie was content with them going back to square one. She really was, until….

 

"Jendeuk." Jisoo tapped Jennie's shoulder and stopped her from gawking at the bean shelf. "Grocery shopping?"

 

"Yup." Jennie turned around with a smile, being happy to have stumbled upon Jisoo. Then her eyes darted to the boy who was grabbing Jisoo's pinky with his whole first and hiding half of his body behind her.

 

It hit her like bricks crashing on her. Right, she has a family. With the lack of Jisoo mentioning them nor Jennie meeting them in her loft, she almost erased that information from her brain. Once again reality hits her with a fist.

 

"Who is that cute boy?" Jennie swallowed down her bitter feelings and stretched her lips for a bigger smile.

 

"His name is Yuta. Come on Yuta say hi to my friend Jennie."

 

The little boy shook his head and hid further behind Jisoo.

 

"Sorry. He is shy." Jisoo apologised embarrassedly.

 

"No need to be sorry. I can so relate with that." Jennie chuckled. "Is he Sehun's….?" She added quickly afterwards to make it sound casually. Even though she already knew the answer, she still needed to hear it.

 

"He is."

 

Time stopped for Jennie. She felt like she was back during that time Jisoo announced she and Sehun were going to settle down with a child.

 

Jennie had no business feeling upset. Not then, not now. And yet her heart strings felt like they were being torn apart all over again.

 

Then Jennie remembered why she stopped going to Jisoo's house. She didn't want to see Sehun wrap his arms around her and steal a kiss, hear Jisoo at night either complain or gush over him while Jennie stroked her hair. It broke her heart each time and one day she just couldn't take it anymore. She left without explanation and Jisoo didn't call out persistently enough to have Jennie back. Knowing Jisoo, she probably thought Jennie needed some alone time and gave it to her, expecting her to come back after she cooled off like always. She just didn't know that alone time would go on for years.

 

*****

 

"You hit up your dying vision and only are telling us after a freaking month!?" Rosé smacked Jennie's head.

 

"Hey!" Jennie glared. "I told you now isn't that good enough?"

 

"No!" Rosé smacked her again and it took Lisa to pull her away for Rosé to calm down. "Don't tell me that's why you went busy lately. You were busy cuddling up to her?"

 

"Kinda." Jennie said, huffing a sigh.

 

"Then why that long face?" Lisa interrogated. "Did she reject you?"

 

"She has a child and husband." Jennie reminded. "Besides she only ever saw me as her best friend. It's time for me to accept it. I should have moved on long ago." They looked at Jennie sadly and only patted her shoulder in response. It seems like she made up her mind.

 

*****

 

"Your uniform!" Jisoo gasped when Jennie picked her up, dressed in her police uniform.

 

“I had no time to change.” Jennie said sheepishly. “It’s much better than the other look though, right?”

 

“The short pants and hat were adorable too but this is hotter indeed.” Jisoo nodded.

 

Adorable .” Jennie snorted, intentionally ignoring that Jisoo just called her hot.

 

“We both know you are the cutest.” Jisoo scrunched up her nose as she squished Jennie’s cheek between her thumb and index finger.

 

“Just get in.” Jennie hushed her into the car, swatting her hands away because the touch made her cheeks flush. Thus they had a late night picnic under the moonlight at Han River.

 

“You can be so romantic.” Jisoo plopped on the blanket Jennie laid out on the grass.

 

“I guess.” Jennie’s heart wouldn’t let her breathe without hammering loudly into her ears. Her fidgety hands pulled out the containers from the basket and placed them around them.

 

“Remember when we were kids and I fell into the river?” Jisoo reminisced, glancing at the gleaming white illuminated light on the surface of the water. “You saved me.”

 

“How could I forget? You wanted to do the Ice Bucket Challenge but thought it would be even more impactful if the cold water wasn’t thrown at you but the other way around.” Jennie shuddered. “Traumatizing.”

 

“Shouldn’t I be traumatized since I was the one who almost drowned?” Jisoo sat up on her knees as Jennie handed her a container with self made rolled egg omelette and rice rolls, along with chopsticks.

 

“I had to drag you out of the river and you kept moving your arms and legs like a maniac, so it was a real struggle. Under these circumstances I believe it was traumatizing for both of us.” Jennie flicked Jisoo’s forehead lightly just at the thought of the type of things she did for her.

 

Jisoo chuckled, “But you loved saving me. Your chest was all puffed up and you had that smugish look when I thanked you.”

 

“That so isn’t true.” Jennie’s ears turned red as she rolled her eyes and stuffed a sandwich in her mouth to keep herself occupied. “So...not...true…” She mumbled through each bite.

 

Jisoo smiled, seeing Jennie’s cheeks being all fluffy and the moonlight making her look more ethereal than before. “You love protecting people, I know you are great at your job.”

 

“I’m pretty amazing.” Jennie agreed, nodding her head. Jisoo slapped her shoulder lightly and giggled at her clear display of cockiness.

 

“When you are not receiving punishments,” Jisoo plopped a rolled egg into her mouth with the chopsticks. “For what exactly?”

 

“Oh…That? My boss didn’t like it when I went ahead on my own.” Jennie admitted quietly.

 

“You mean, your father got angry because you went Rambo? He is right you should not do that, it’s dangerous.” Jisoo scolded. 

 

The younger hummed in response, they continued to eat the rest of the dishes Jennie prepared with much effort, gazing at the river and occasionally stealing glances from the other’s face. Jennie totally felt Jisoo’s eyes on her and sometimes turned around and caught her staring. It confused her, does the uniform really make her look that hot? That has to be it. Jennie chuckled to herself, a small smirk making its way to her lips.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Jisoo’s deep voice asked, Jennie almost jumped up when she felt Jisoo’s head on her lap. She stared ahead and absolutely avoided locking eyes with the elder.

 

“Just that the moon is really pretty today?”

 

“The moon?”

 

“The moon…” Jennie nodded, pressing her palms on the grass behind her nervously.

 

“It sure is.” Jisoo rolled her face in Jennie’s lap and also stared in the same direction as Jennie. The surface of the dark blue water that shimmered with the light.

 

Jennie used that opportunity to do eye acrobatics and watch Jisoo without moving her face. She looked so beautiful in that faint light and the blue water emphasized her brown orbs that pressed ahead. She will never forget this moment.

 

*****

 

Jennie fell back to the same habit. When she wasn’t with Jisoo, she thought about Jisoo. It was bothersome during work but otherwise she could cope.

 

“Faster Lisa!” Jennie would have loved to be the one to drive the car but she was prohibited from doing that because last time she almost caused a traffic accident as she rushed to someone who called for the police.

 

“Almost there.” Lisa didn’t let Jennie’s nagging bother her and focused on the road as the other vehicles made space for them with the siren yammering. At last they reached the house and arrested a drunk man who was hitting his wife and children. Jennie would have beat him right up if it wasn’t for Lisa who told her to calm down, otherwise she will get suspended for real.

 

She handcuffed him and pressed him tightly against the car, his head colliding with the police car before he managed to shuffle into the backseat. Only when he was behind bars, Jennie could finally take a breath and sat down to relax.

 

In her office she stared at the coffee mug on her table, focusing on it to get her mind on something other than shooting that man’s balls.

 

Coffee mug.

 

Jisoo prefers Iced Americano over coffee.

 

That reminds Jennie of--

 

“You can’t keep eating doughnuts with coffee for every breakfast ever.” Jisoo snatched the doughnut from Jennie sneakily, eliciting a gasp from the younger.

 

“Jisoo, I really love you but give me back my doughnut now, or this will end up very unsightly.” Jennie said with a low voice, making slow steps whenever Jisoo would make one. A grin was plastered on Jisoo’s lips as she ran upstairs, Jennie chasing her. “Give me back my doughnut!”

 

“Too late!” Jisoo swallowed the whole doughnut before Jennie could grab her wrist and pin her against her bed.

 

“You little!” Jennie decided to take revenge by tickling her neck, knowing Jisoo is extremely ticklish over there.

 

“No! Stop it!” Jisoo flailed her arms but Jennie held her down, grinning as she continued tickling her. Her fingers brushed from her neck to her tummy, she went as far as slipping the fingers into her sweater so the direct contact will make it even more sensual. “Evil!” Jisoo was forced to laugh, tears brimming in the corners of her eyes as Jennie continued tracing over her furiously.

 

“I’ll buy you a new doughnut! Mercy!” Jisoo laughed loudly while Jennie’s body weight pressed down on her. Jennie decided to tickle her for a whole more minute before she allowed her to breathe. The raven’s chest heaved up and down, her face was flushed in a bright red. Okay, maybe Jennie took it too far. Suddenly she felt bad, but only slightly.

 

“Sorry Chu. That was too long.” Jennie frowned.

 

“You don’t say….” Jisoo mumbled out of breath. “I’m not surprised though. If it’s about your intake of doughnuts you would even kill me.”

 

“Would not.” Jennie shook her head, crawling to the edge of the bed so her body isn’t on top of Jisoo’s anymore.

 

“So would.” Jisoo disagreed.

 

“No.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“No!” Jennie’s frown turned into a big pout.

 

“Tell that to my assaulted body. My skin is vibrating.” Jisoo sat up, bumping her shoulder against Jennie’s teasingly. “I can still feel you tickling me.”

 

“Sorry… I didn’t want to hurt you...” Jennie threw an arm around Jisoo and slouched on the other's lap. Then she buried her downcasted face in Jisoo's neck.

 

“You didn’t. It’s not actually that serious, you know. I just wanted you to feel bad but not this bad. I’m not mad at you Jendeuk.” Jisoo giggled, patting Jennie’s back because she could feel her sulking in her arms.

 

Jennie chuckled at the memory. Jisoo did end up buying her another doughnut and yes Jennie continued eating doughnuts and coffee for breakfast. Ironically there is that stereotype about police officers and doughnuts, Jennie doesn’t know where it comes from but at least regarding her it’s pretty accurate. Maybe that’s exactly what she needs right now.

 

Jennie: Want to eat a doughnut with me?

 

Jisoo: You are still obsessed with them? 😭

 

Jennie: 🙄

 

Jennie: Are you coming or not?

 

Jisoo: In a few hours if you are willing to wait

 

Jennie: I am 😀

 

Thus Jennie waited at Dunkin Donuts until Jisoo finally arrived and this time it was the elder with her white coat and everything. Apparently rushing here first thing after her shift was over.

 

“I told you I would wait. You could have taken a shower and gotten changed.” Jennie chuckled, having ordered and Iced Americano for Jisoo.

 

“Why? Do I stink?” Jisoo inhaled that drink like it was air.

 

“Not that much.” Jennie teased, earning a roll of eyes from Jisoo.

 

“You don’t stink that much either.” Jisoo retorted.

 

“I smell like Chanel No 5 Eau de Parfum.” Jennie flipped her hair, the attitude a mix of half serious and half joking.

 

“And I smell like Miss Dior Eau de Parfum.” Jisoo mimicked the action with a grin.

 

“Then I guess we both smell pretty great.” The brunette declared, not having any idea what they are even arguing about anymore.

 

“So it seems.” Jisoo nodded, smiling goofily at Jennie.

 

“I thought you didn’t like perfume.” Jennie noted.

 

“I don’t.” Jisoo confirmed. “I only wear perfume when I try to impress.” Jennie’s face fell. That means it’s for her husband. Lucky shit. “Do you like it?”

 

“Yes…” Jennie muttered through pursed lips. 

 

Before the awkwardness could settle in, both of their pagers beeped almost simultaneously. They locked eyes and gave the other a nod as they both rushed out. That was a short encounter but at least Jennie saw Jisoo’s pretty face which was enough of an energy boost to get through the rest of the day without bursting anyone’s jaw.

 

*****

 

“You have amazing self control today.” Lisa praised. “You didn’t run ahead without us, you didn’t hit anyone more than necessary and you communicated with us. You never use the police radio. The punishment worked, Captain Jiyong will be happy to hear that.”

 

“Uh yeah. The punishment worked.” Jennie bobbed her head. Now that she thinks about it, it feels like she let out her anger and frustration in her job. Now that she has Jisoo back in her life she feels happier.

 

“I heard something about punishment.” Jiyong greeted the two who just came back to the police station.

 

“Jennie behaved.” Lisa nudged her shoulder teasingly.

 

“She did?” Jiyong raised his eyebrows.

 

“Don’t act like I’m that much of a trainwreck.” Jennie rolled her eyes and walked past them to begin with desk duty. She injured her ankle slightly while parkouring over the rooftop to catch a criminal, that’s why the Captain thinks it’s better if she rests for a bit. Normally she would put up a fight but even for that she couldn’t be bothered.

 

“You seem happy. You are smiling a lot lately.” Jiyong watched his daughter suspiciously with one coffee mug in his hand.

 

“Shut up.” Jennie mumbled embarrassedly because he noticed. She hated to be seen through so easily.

 

“Jennie rekindled with her first love.” Rosé commented from the desk behind her.

 

“Shut up!” Jennie growled, the pink in her cheeks darkening.

 

“You are back in touch with Jisoo?” Jiyong sounded surprised.

 

“Dad!” Jennie shrieked. “Why would you think about her??”

 

Jiyong chuckled, leaving without giving her a proper response. Thereafter Jennie buried her face in her palms whilst Lisa and Rosé were cackling into her ears. 

 

*****

 

“And then they all made fun of me.” Jennie finished telling Jisoo in an exaggerated pouty way how everyone around her is out to get her. (It goes without saying she left out the part where they referred to her as Jennie’s first love).

 

“How dare they?” Jisoo smiled, curling up on Jennie’s side while both lied in the hammock in Jennie’s garden.

 

“Exactly.” Jennie nodded, wrapping her arms around Jisoo and holding her tightly like a koala clinging on a tree.

 

“How is your ankle?”

 

“In pain.”

 

Jisoo cocked her head, shuffling so Jennie would let go of her. The action confused Jennie until the elder crawled to the other side so their feet were near the other’s heads. Then Jisoo grabbed Jennie’s leg and massaged it.

 

“It hurts.” Jennie whined when Jisoo pressed down with her thumbs.

 

“It hurts at first but then it feels good.” Jisoo promised and truthfully after Jennie whined and complained for a good minute, the pressing of Jisoo’s fingers against her ankle started to feel nice. The initial pain faded away and the massage soothed her.

 

“Ah, just like that, don’t stop..” Jennie was a second away from moaning. Jisoo chuckled and continued rubbing her ankle where she seemed to produce the loudest reaction. 

 

When Jennie seemed to have fallen asleep Jisoo stopped her ministration and crawled back to her side. The hammock swinging a bit, worrying Jisoo that Jennie would wake up but she was fortunately still snoring lightly.

 

“Cutie.” Jisoo poked her nose and hugged her while watching the sun setting, the sky bathing in orange. “Love you.” She pecked the corner of her lips tenderly.

 

*****

 

Two months later Jisoo and Jennie strolled around during a free day, talking about insignificant things while holding hands and basking in the fresh air. Then it all went by in the blink of an eye. They crossed the street near a construction site and a red steel bar slipped down, crashing on the street and causing a car to change lanes. In the rush it aimed at the two and couldn't react fast enough to bypass them.

 

Jisoo was frozen but Jennie acted immediately. She grabbed Jisoo and shielded her body. With a sideway jump, she managed to leave Jisoo unscratched but as for herself, her back took a solid hit.

 

When Jisoo blinked herself to consciousness she felt Jennie on top of her, her blood leaking all over. She was muted in shock, pedestrians already dialled for an ambulance and gathered around them.

 

"Are you okay?" They asked repeatedly. Jisoo blended everything that was not Jennie's unconscious figure out. She was bleeding so much, she hurt herself fatally because she protected Jisoo. 

 

"J-Jennie…" Jisoo's voice cracked, she couldn't contain the loud sob that followed while she cradled her head close to her chest.

 

Very soon the ambulance drove her to the critical care unit. While Jisoo’s heart was pounding in her chest she never let go of Jennie’s hand. Arriving in a vacant room the other doctor who was fresh out of med school was very overwhelmed and turned to Jisoo. Jisoo took the lead and cleaned up her wounds.

 

“Doctor Kim, I think she is crashing out.” The other doctor said after a while.

 

“One more.”

 

“But--”

 

“I said one more!” So the young doctor used the deffribilator and gave the woman an electric shock to her chest.

 

“Again.” Jisoo instructed and he obliged. Again and again. Until Jennie gasped and spit out air.

 

As Jisoo prayed for Jennie not to go, the brunette was seeing Jisoo again. Her mind was swarmed with the raven until she woke up. She saw Jisoo laying her head on her lap. The way her eyes shimmered, the light reflected upon her body and how the water moved in slow waves. Her chest heaved. With every breath Jisoo took, Jennie held her own, and everything else faded into the background.

 

“Come on Jendeuk! React!” 

 

Thinking about Jisoo last thing when she is about to die, twice. This is not normal is it? In that moment she suddenly felt that she understood something that is very important to her. Platonic or romantic it didn't matter. She must not let go. It's better to have her like this than not at all. In whatever way, all that Jisoo is, is all that Jennie needs. 

 

To see her best friend first thing when her eyes shot open, was so relieving and gave her a feeling of contentment. She couldn’t restrain that lazy smile on her weak face.

 

Jisoo enveloped Jennie in a tight hug. “What are you smiling like that for...? Fool!” Jisoo reprimanded with no power at all. “I-I thought… Y-You--”

 

“I’m fine...” Jennie cut her off, returning the hug as she ran her hand up and down Jisoo’s back to calm her down. She could feel her vibrating against her chest, her small sobs shaking her up. “Everything is okay. I promise.”  Jennie closed her eyes, burrowing her head in Jisoo’s hair, she inhaled her sweet fragrance and smiled. “I’m here.”

 

Jennie froze when she felt tears coat her cheek and she swears those weren't her own. She pulled back to inspect Jisoo's puffy and red face. She was crying. 

 

"Chu…" Jennie cupped her cheeks before she leaned in to kiss her forehead, however Jisoo had apparently read the situation differently and silenced her with her trembling lips. 

 

*****

 

Jisoo has kissed her and Jennie is confident it was not just out of the spur of the moment. It was too long for that.

 

"I thought you were with Sehun?" Jennie asked once things settled down and Jisoo brought her to her house.

 

"We broke up long ago. We are just friends now." Jisoo locked eyes with Jennie, the question itself confusing her because from what she thought, she went on dates with Jennie, multiple ones. She would even go as far as saying they were dating.

 

"And Yuta….?" The younger raised her eyebrows.

 

"He is Sehun's and his wife's. And if you are still slow, that wife is not me." Jisoo squeezed Jennie’s cheek. “You do realise our late night picnic at the river was a date to me right? The most comforting I ever had.”

 

Jennie choked on the air, having Jisoo pat her back repeatedly. “Ah… I’m so stupid….”

 

“Sometimes.” Jisoo teased, pecking Jennie’s lips when she aimed a glare at her that instantly dissipated with the touch of the elder’s lips. 

 

“I just never thought you would like me…” Jennie groaned exasperated.

 

“Why not? You are gorgeous and my favourite person.” Jisoo stated as if liking Jennie is the most natural thing that shouldn’t be doubted.

 

“You never showed any interest.” Jennie furrowed her eyebrows. “You always called me your best friend and you dated Sehun for years.”

 

“You are still my best friend. Just not limited to that.” Jisoo shrugged her shoulders. "And I asked you first if I should date him and you said yes.” She retorted.

 

“Because I thought you liked him.” Jennie justified.

 

“I was attracted to him but I had feelings for you. I liked you more than I ever liked anyone else.” Jisoo shook her head. 

 

“I liked you too. Always did.” Jennie sighed, so much wasted time. Sensing her low spirit Jisoo lied beside her on the bed and kissed her cheek. The action succeeded in making Jennie smile, she tilted her face to peck Jisoo’s lips. "You feel the same right? I'm not having a daydream about you again, right?"

 

"A daydream?" Jisoo echoed. "Again?" Her lips twitched into a grin and her eyes were smiling teasingly.

 

That's when Jennie realised her mistake.

 

Oops, Jisoo doesn't know she is the topic Jennie's thoughts never get tired of. So embarrassing. The brunette mentally slapped her crimson red cheeks.

 

The raven chuckled and tenderly pecked her nose. She clearly intended to lessen the younger's embarrassment and make her let loose but all she achieved is for Jennie's cheek to puff up and flush further.

 

"Chill Jen. I already know you dream about me. Do you know that you call for me when you are asleep?" Jisoo chuckled, scooting closer so both of their backs rest against the headboard, then she wrapped an arm around the other.

 

"Chu..." Jennie buried her face in her palms. "Everything you are doing right now, only makes me wish the ground would swallow me whole..." She complained, her whiny noise, elicting more giggles from the elder.

 

"I just got you as a girlfriend, so we can't have that. Let's talk about something else then." Jisoo tugged on Jennie's hands and put them aside to take the younger's head in her palms, making her raise it and cock it towards her. Jennie's head was swimming, Jisoo just called her, her girlfriend. They are dating, and according to Jisoo for a while now. Jennie just had no idea.

 

“About what?” Jennie's heart jumped happily as soon as the raven captured her lips, her own lips forming the brightest gummy smile against Jisoo’s mouth.

 

“You never told me, why you came to my loft that day.” Jisoo whispered, pillowing their foreheads. Curiosity laced her voice. “I mean I’m happy you did, I missed you obviously but why that night? You seemed pretty worked up.”

 

“Oh that night? I just wanted to tell you something but I chickened out.” Jennie chuckled nervously.

 

“What was it?” Jisoo pouted and Jennie knew she was not relenting until she heard it. The younger inhaled before she breathed out and opened her mouth.

 

“I wanted to tell you, if you were the last thing I ever see, that would be enough for me.”