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FABS, DMs and Baby's First FanFic

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please note, this chapter involves my OMC Paul. All you need to know about him is he's a vet and he's EJ's fiance. More info on Paul will be coming.

 

Sid has started the chat Avs FABS

 

Sid has added Paul to the chat

Paul:

Have you just created a group chat just for you and me?

Paul:

Because I’ve gotta say Sid…. That’s weird, even for you.

Sid:

🙄

Sid:

Hold on one moment

 

Sid has added Carter to the chat.

Carter:

FABS?

Paul:

Fiance’s and boyfriends

Paul:

Can’t be HABs until Erik and I get married

Paul:

ALSO, I’m assuming you’re the baby’s goalie boyfriend???

Carter:

I mean, yes. The baby?

Paul:

Psshhhhh Erik says I can’t thirst over him because he’s too much of a baby

Carter:

😂😂😂

Carter:

I get it, he’s beautiful

Sid:

I thought you spent all of your time thirsting over Sammy?

Paul:

Look, it’s hardly my fault that Erik collects hot twinky rookies ok?

Paul:

He knows my weakness ☹

Sid:

Don’t even pretend to be sad about it

Paul:

😂

Sid:

Is Cale in Edmonton with you Carter?

Carter:

No ☹

Carter:

Current regs mean no seeing each other.

Carter:

Training with your boy Jars atm though

Sid:

MY BABY

Sid:

Is he behaving himself?

Carter:

He’s a hard worker, it’s nice.

Sid:

Don’t go picking up all of his tricks and giving them away to Claude though

Carter:

Would I do that? 😇

Sid:

*sigh* yes, yes you probably would.

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Biscuit:

THAT’S MY BOY DACCCHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Jigsaw:

????

Biscuit:

OUR BOY GOT THE C FOR WORLDS :D

Jigsaw:

Dacher, you cannot, I repeat, CANNOT take coke to world juniors. Like, they will work it out

Biscuit:

The captaincy you fucking space cadet

Jigsaw:

Ohhhhh, yeah, that’s awesome Kirbs

Dacher:

THANK YOU BOYYS

Dacher:

Super pumped to take these boys Edmonton now :D

Dacher:

Back into covid testing every day tho. Sucks ass.

Tazer:

So proud of you Dacher! If you need any advice on having the C, you can always call

Sharpy:

And Taze will tell you the most boring way to captain possible

Kaner:

Still not gonna be cheering for your Dacher

Kaner:

But yeah, I’m proud of you 😉

Stromer:

YEAAAAH BOYYYYYYY

Stromer:

Enjoy it Dacher, literally, like, world j is the best fucking tourney ever

Stromer:

And the boys on that team when I had the C, like, they’re my team forever.

Tazer:

We’d be your team forever if you’d SIGN A DAMN CONTRACT

Stromer:

Sorry Taze, sorry, I am WORKING on it.

Stromer:

😭

Stromer:

It’s not me who’s being the roadblock here

Stromer:

Also did Davo really do the announcement for you?

Stromer:

He said they’d asked him, and he was super psyched about it

Dacher:

YAS. It was adorbs.

Dacher:

Baby Captain Canada himself

Jigsaw:

Is he not older than you?

Dacher:

Well, yeah, but like, Sid is Captain Canada, Davo is Captain Canada Jr

Dacher:

But his face was on the jumbotron

Dacher:

😂😂😂😂😂

Dacher:

Biggest zoom call ever

The Cat:

OOOP LATE TO THE CHAT, but CONGRATS BUDDY.

The Cat:

I’m with Kaner, so proud, still not gonna cheer for you 😉

Boqs:

I’LL CHEER FOR YOU

Boqs:

I realises this is bad national representation for me

Boqs:

BUT I’m STILL CHEERING FOR YOU

Dacher:

😍😍😍😍😍

Biscuit:

Oooop @The Cat HBD BUD

Jigsaw:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAT BOY

Dacher:

What did you GET?

The Cat:

I mean what I really want for my birthday is….

The Cat:

@stromer signing a damn contract

Stromer:

Baeeeeeeee I’m sorrrrrry

The Cat:

I know it isn’t you. I nearly called Stan to be like “it’s my birthday, give me my dyl”

Stromer:

😂😂😂

Stromer:

Sorry bae, working on it

The Cat:

Mostly Boqs and I are just snuggling the pups

Sharpy:

Ooof, saw you two got the new jerseys

Sharpy:

Looking gooood!

Sharpy:

Also @Kaner, where’s my daily dose of baby!?!?!

Tazer:

He’s napping right now, but we can vid call you later

Sharpy:

By “He’s napping” are you referring to II or III?

Tazer:

Both 😂

Tazer:

The speed at which II passes out once III is finally asleep is fucking impressive

Sharpy:

Go get some sleep yourself taze!

Tazer:

I have to be awake incase @Dacher needs me for captaining advice

Dacher:

I think I’ll be ok for an hour or so taze. Plus. YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO SLEEP AT SOME POINT?

Tazer:

I appreciate that, BUT…. At the same time. I’m too keyed up being proud of you.

Tazer:

Have you been practising your speeches?

Dacher:

No.

Tazer:

We should get started on that. Are you free for a facetime?

Sharpy:

Are you captaining his captaining?

Tazer:

Yes?

Sharpy:

… why am I not fucking surprised.

Chapter Text

because Claude:

@Hartsy why are you training with a Pen? 😠

Hartsy:

Uh, it’s off season?

Hartsy:

Jars and I have the same trainer

Hartsy:

I like him.

EJ:

MORE IMPORTANTLY

EJ:

Has @cale written fic of you banging Jars yet 😂😂😂😂😂

Cale:

I mean I hadn’t…

Hartsy:

You’re totally thinking about it now aren’t you 😉

Hartsy:

We do already exist as a pairing 💅

Cale:

👀👀👀👀👀

Claude:

Wait, why are you being smug about that?

Hartsy:

Eh, Jars is cute 🤷‍♂️

TBeauts:

Plot twist, Hartsy’s the one with the goalie fetish

Hartsy:

Yeah no.

Cale:

No?

Hartsy:

8, bb, you are not gonna win this one 😉 I know waaaaay too much

EJ:

Cale 100% WISHES you had a goalie fetish

EJ:

Goalie on goalie action is his number 1

Cale:

🙄

Hartsy:

Babes, you literally have the Pekka/Juuse search on AO3 bookmarked

Cale:

THAT IS PRIVATE INFORMATION CARTER

EJ:

😂😂😂😂😂

Davo:

Taking the heat off Cale for a hot minute

Davo:

Have you noticed how out of the top 10 forwards voted in the NHL

Davo:

Six of us are queer :D

Chucky:

WHO ISN’T?

Chucky:

I’ll totally turn them

Drai:

🙄

Davo:

MATTY!! You can’t say shit like that.

Davo:

The top ten forwards are Me, Nate, Sid, Leo, Kucherov, Ovi, Pasta, Panarin, Kaner, Matts

Lack:

Rude I’m not listed tbh

Lu:

CLEARLY Eddie’s the best forward EVER

Chucky:

Ooof ok, I’m not gonna make much progress with the Russians

Sid:

I thought you propositioned Geno

Chucky:

I mean yeah, but he’s a Russian who’s posted about pegging on twitter, that doesn’t count

Sid:

That is information I 100% did not need in my life

Sid:

I KNOW HIS WIFE

Chucky:

😂😂😂

Chucky:

Totally not related, but @tbeauts, you in AB yet?

TBeauts:

Not yet no, not gonna come until after Christmas

TBeauts:

Why?

Chucky:

No worries, just had a random Q. I’ll slide into your dms 😉

TBeauts:

Always welcome in my dm’s chuck 😉

Davo:

I feel it’s telling though that the top 4 forwards in the league are all… well… us

Teeks:

For some reason I thought you were going to say “boring AF”

Josty:

😂😂😂

Davo:

Having a happy healthy relationship isn’t BORING TK

Teeks:

I mean you SAY that

EJ:

But the four of you are pretty fucking boring :P

Nate:

Wait, why are Sid and I on team boring?

EJ:

You literally started a relationship because you sat down and had a grown up conversation about it

Nate:

Yeah, because YOUR BOYFRIEND TOLD ME TO

EJ:

I mean, taking Paulie’s advice automatically makes you boring imho

Chucky:

Look, just because they only know how to have sex missionary style, holding hands, with the lights off, doesn’t mean we should chirp them.

Chucky:

I think it’s sweet.

Drai:

🙄

Davo:

MATTHEW!!!

Stromer:

Oof, he busted out the full name there :D

Chucky:

It’s because he knows I’m not wrong 😂😂😂

Nate:

Like, I’m not arguing DraiDavo (Draivo?) being on team boring

Nate:

I just think that’s a harsh thing to say about me and sid

Cale:

It’s “McDrai”…. Their ship name

Nate:

Thanks salad baby, I really didn’t need that info

Nate:

Wait, what’s mine and sids?

Cale:

🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ You don’t really have one, croskinnon maybe? Macrosby? Ehhh nothing really works. Sidnate just gets used I think

Nate:

OUTRAGEOUS. I’ll find us one

Teeks:

Also, you’re on team boring because all you do is work out and stare lovingly into each others eyes, and probably talk about hockey

Sid:

And that’s boring?

Gabe:

You’re a parody of yourself Sid

Chucky:

@Davo, you’re fine, I’ve found the perfect thing to spice up yours and Drai’s sex life

Chucky:

https://www.amazon.de/-/en/dp/B08PZM4FDT/

Davo:

I don’t want to click on that link

Chucky:

Whaaaat I even got the german amazon link so Drai could order one for use at home

Chucky:

I’m all give give give

Stromer:

I AM DYING THAT IS PERFECT

Stromer:

I know what I’m getting you for your birthday Con

Davo:

I’VE JUST CLICKED ON IT. DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE

Brinksy:

That is amazing.

Brinksy:

Also, I’m really hoping a connor version doesn’t exist

Brinksy:

Because I KNOW Dylan would get one for our bed

Stromer:

100% I would, I’d love it.

Chucky:

I gotchu stromer

Chucky:

https://niceproductpod.com/product/Connor-Mcdavid-Edmonton-Oilers-Duvet-Cover-and-Pillowcase-Set-Bedding-Set/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAifz-BRDjARIsAEElyGI7SSU2iWaxB7tJNge3mNt6MMFJPbSIVM-FCAMcs0wiIAj_KywuB78aApkCEALw_wcB

Chucky:

Although Brinks might appreciate this one more: https://www.redbubble.com/i/throw-blanket/Connor-Mcdavid-97-by-tinbuah/54389385.16D0B1

Brinksy:

I’m telling you chucky, I am not letting in my bed if Dylan ends up buying that

Chucky:

😭

Chucky:

So mean….

Gabe:

LMAO HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT THE TEAM TWITTER ACCOUNT SAYS

EJ:

?

Gabe:

“The favourites or something” – Nathan MacKinnon

Nate:

Oh ffs…

Nate:

I SAY ONE THING ONE TIME

Sid:

Ngl, I’m amazed that Nate doesn’t have the Pens listed as his favorites for the cup :P

TBeauts:

First year ever Nate isn’t supporting the pens!

Nate:

SHUT UP. Team loyalty comes first, I’m NOT a Pens fan anymore

TBeauts:

Just a Sid fan.

Nate:

Eh, I’m always going to be a Sid fan 😉

Chapter Text

TBeauts:

What’s up chuck?

Chucky:

Wondered if you’d considered your designated two people you’re allowed in your house

TBeauts:

I mean, probs Davo/Drai, why?

Chucky:

🤢 that sounds like the most incredibly boring option

Chucky:

Was just gonna say, if you wanted to put someone else on that list instead, aka me, we could probably think of more interesting ways to spend the time

TBeauts:

You offering to be my booty call chucky?

Chucky:

I mean… I won’t be offended if you say no?

TBeauts:

Did I sound like I was saying no? 😉

TBeauts:

I mean, at this point, am I even a real queer hockey player if I haven’t slept with you

Chucky:

:O Hey! No slut shaming me :D

TBeauts:

Slut-saming you? Although, I’ve mostly only slept with teammates

Chucky:

Ooof, that’s a fucking error right there.

TBeauts:

It’s always worked for me in the past :p

Chucky:

Well how about trying with a rival instead then

TBeauts:

Battle of Alberta in my bedroom you say? Alrighty then 😉

Chapter Text

C79:

8, bb

C8:

Yes?

C79:

Did you, by any chance, ACTUALLY write a fic about me and Tristan Jarry and put it on AO3?

C8:

😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

C8:

HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS ME?

C79:

BABY PLEASE

C79:

First of all, you used the screenname that Josty set for you when he first introduced us

C79:

And your pfp is literally a picture of your face

C8:

LOADS OF HOCKEY WRITERS HAVE PICTURES OF HOCKEY PLAYERS OK?

C79:

SECONDLY

C79:

It was very on brand for you

C79:

And very on brand for someone who knows what I like in bed 😉

C8:

Are you mad?

C79:

BABY NO!

C79:

I could never be mad at you 8

C79:

Although I reserve the right to use it as evidence of your goalie fetish

C8:

Ugh, Jar is cute ok?

C8:

Obviously not as cute as you

C79:

Weirdly, I got that from the fic 😉

C8:

😳

C8:

Look, it’s just I miss you ok

C8:

And I knew the two of you were training together

C8:

And if MattDrai stuff exists…

C8:

AND THEY DON’T EVEN LIKE EACH OTHER

C8:

Then the pens/flyers rivalry hot young goalies thing should exist

C8:

I mean, more than it already does

C79:

Baby boy, I’m not critiquing you.

C79:

Besides, I thought it was kind of hot 😉

C8:

YOU READ IT?

C79:

Since it was obvious that MY BOYFRIEND wrote it, yeah, I went and read it

C79:

And it was hot

C79:

And you should definitely work on your flexibility 😉

C8:

Fuck. 79. 😳

C79:

Free to call?

C8:

Give me two minutes, I’ll call you.

C79: