Yuuji is not bisexual like Nobara. He isn't pansexual like Megumi either. He is damn sure of it. He is as straight as… as a… as Todo! Right. And just like Todo, he likes tall
people girls with big butts. Tall, girl, big butt. That's it.
So why is it that every time he and Nobara(who is a hundred and sixty centimeters tall, mind you, which isn't tall even when compared to Yuuji) indulge in their shenanigans, he finds himself staring at her adorable expressions, or simply enjoying her infectious laugh?
Why is it that every time Megumi(a boy, not a girl) helps him with homework and gets a tad bit too close to Yuuji's personal space, Yuuji's thoughts consist of 'oh, he smells nice today' and 'wow, his eyes are really pretty up close'?
Why is it that every time they go out for a walk with Yuuji in the middle, he wants to know how it would feel to hold their hands and intertwine his fingers with theirs? Would their hands be warm or cold, soft or calloused like his?
He doesn't know whether it's wrong or not to feel this way for his best friends.
Every day, his beliefs about his own type and sexuality are proven wrong effortlessly by the oblivious Megumi and Nobara. Sometimes he even gets angry at them, for the sole reason that his heart beats so quickly that's it's going to burst while his stomach does backflips and twists with countless butterflies, and his mind is occupied with short brown and spiky raven hair and long eyelashes and green and brown eyes and tall and short well-built huggable bodies. He gets mostly angry at himself though, because Sukuna's occasional whispers are right about his wild hormones. He hates it.
Every day, he falls in a deeper hole with no way of crawling back up.
And one day, he finally settles and decides that he actually, unsurprisingly, doesn't want to crawl out.
It's a cold winter morning, reserved only for lazing around or cuddling under the blanket with a special someone. Or two special people, in Yuuji's case. Though both of those people are highly unlikely to want what Yuuji wants, so he pushes that fantasy away for later when he cuddles a pillow.
He tries to focus on a manga he doesn't even remember the name of, but the heroine reminds him of Nobara and her dog reminds him of Megumi's shikigami, thus reminding him of Megumi himself. He leaves the manga aside for later too, and the best option he is left with right now is staring at the ceiling.
A knock comes from the other side of the door after a minute, so he calls out an invitation. It feels like the heavens have answered his prayers because the door opens to reveal his teammates, each of them carrying a bag of snacks.
"Sorry for the intrusion." Megumi says, because he is just sensible like that even if he's walking in a close friend's room.
"Move your ass, Itadori! We're having a movie marathon!" Nobara announces, much less sensible than Megumi as she pushes past him, strides over to the bed and motions to Yuuji to scoot over.
The latter blinks up at her in confusion, but quickly obliges and tucks his legs under him.
"But, wait… What are you two–"
"As I said–! We. Are. Having. A movie. Marathon!" Nobara repeats, accentuating every word. She kicks off her slippers before plopping down next to Yuuji. "Do you need it spelled out?"
Megumi rubs the back of his neck as he leaves the bag he's carrying on the nightstand.
"You know she won't stop bothering us if we don't listen to her."
Yuuji takes a moment to process what is happening. The initial confusion on his face is replaced by one of his usual smiles as he scoots closer to Nobara to free some space for Megumi too.
"Well, I can't say 'no' to movies either way."
Nobara replicates his smile easily. She whips out her phone and hands it to Yuuji once she finds the first movie.
"Don’t play it yet." She says, and rummages through her bag for a bit. "So… All in all, we have three packets of pocky, three bags of chips and six cans of energy drinks. Pick your poison."
"Don’t say it like that. It sounds creepy." Megumi grumbles, but nevertheless, he takes an energy drink for himself and moves the other bag in front of Yuuji.
Yuuji stares at the pocky packets for a bit, but before he starts to imagine what it would be like to share them with Megumi and Nobara, he grabs a bag of chips with the excuse that he wants something salty. Once Nobara has the second bag of chips and an energy drink in her hands, she leans back and nods to Yuuji.
"Then, let's get it started!"
Yuuji taps the play button and holds the phone so that it's visible for the three of them. He tries to ignore how his friends' shoulders press to his own, but his heart betrays him once again. At least, with Gojo-sensei's training, he is now able to control his cursed energy output, so he isn't worried about Nobara and Megumi noticing his distress this easily.
The first movie turns out to be an action, so there isn't anything in there that reminds him of his current situation. However, things take a turn for the worse once the second movie, a rom-com, starts playing. It starts out 'cringey and mainstream' as Nobara points out and Yuuji is also ready to skip to the next movie, but Megumi stops him because 'it could get better later on'. He also takes the phone to hold it instead of Yuuji and props his hand on Yuuji's knee.
Yuuji feels like he will burst any second now, but he manages to keep a straight face. The facade cracks a bit when Nobara leans for a better view of the small screen, grumbles something about laptops and ends up with an arm tightly pressed in Yuuji's side. Not even a minute later, she tilts her head to look at Yuuji.
"Just now, your heart skipped a beat." Well shit. "Arrhythmia?"
Yuuji opens his mouth to answer, but the words fail him. Thankfully, Megumi saves him immediately.
"It's probably the energy drinks. Here, check it out."
And he just goes and grabs Nobara's hand and presses it to his chest like it's his second nature to do so. Yuuji can only stare in bewilderment because as far as he knows, Megumi definitely doesn't like when someone touches him and yet, here he is, with his hand still propped on Yuuji's knee and Nobara's hand on his chest. But at least he convinced Nobara, so Yuuji is grateful to him for that. And he's also glad that he downed a can of the energy drink five minutes ago.
However, he sulks when Nobara takes the energy drinks and pushes them away to the edge of the bed out of the boys' reach.
"No more energy drinks for your weak-hearted asses then."
Wait. Is she worried about them? Nobara? Worried?
What the hell is actually going on?!
Yuuji mulls over his friends' irrational actions for a few minutes, but he can't come to a conclusion that doesn't leave him with false hopes.
So he turns his attention back to the movie and everything is going well until the main characters decide to play the pocky game.
"Do you guys wanna play that?" Nobara asks, innocently enough that one would think she's only asking what they're eating for dinner.
"Wh– The pocky game?"
"Duh, what else."
Megumi pauses the movie and raises a brow at Nobara.
"You do know that involves kissing, right?"
"Friendly kisses don't count." Nobara retorts. "Me and Maki kiss all the time."
Megumi and Yuuji's jaws fall slack.
"You do?" They exclaim in unison, too dumbfounded to say anything else.
Nobara rolls her eyes, takes a pocky out of her nearly empty packet and shifts around to face her teammates.
"So? Are you in or are you gonna chicken out because I'll win?"
Needless to say, Yuuji's competitiveness prevails over his embarrassment. He rolls his sleeves up and gives Nobara a determined look.
"Bring it on!"
Megumi raises a hand to make his presence known.
"I'll be your coach."
Nobara grins and gives him a thumbs-up.
"And then the winner will play with you."
Megumi's hand falls on the bed with a soft thump and his shoulders slump. As he said earlier, Nobara won't stop pestering him and Yuuji until they do what she says, so resistance is futile. Instead of protesting, he waits until his
friends idiots secure the ends of the pocky between their lips, then takes a breath.
Yuuji is the first to spring into action with such speed that it catches Nobara by surprise. Only when he reaches the middle does she retaliate, but once their lips touch, Yuuji hesitates. Nobara presses on this time, and Yuuji responds to the kiss until it can't possibly be described as friendly, because one - one of his dreams just came true and two - Nobara's lips taste like something fruity that he can't quite put his finger on, but he makes sure to taste as much of it as he can.
But, not even five seconds later, Nobara pulls back, her cheeks colored with a faint pink hue.
"Itadori wins." Megumi declares, causing Nobara to groan in displeasure and Yuuji to throw a fist in the air and exclaim 'yes!'.
"Anyway…" Nobara clears her throat. "Next up, Fushiguro versus Itadori! Make sure to avenge me, Fushiguro. I'm counting on you."
Megumi grants her with the flattest look only he can muster, then takes another pocky, but pauses just when Yuuji gathers enough courage to kiss him too.
"What if I don't know how to kiss?"
Yuuji and Nobara stop in their tracks.
"Well, you just go smooch- almost the same way you do when you kiss someone's cheek or forehead." Nobara explains, or at least tries to. "Not that it's important whether you kiss for real or not during the game, but it's more fun this way."
"Yeah… Sure." Megumi mumbles under his breath and finally takes the pocky in his mouth, holding the end of it with his teeth.
Yuuji grows nervous again, but he quickly suppresses it because that's his chance! He barely contains his smile as he turns to Megumi.
"Then… just follow my lead, okay?"
Megumi nods reluctantly. Nevermind Yuuji's thought from earlier - he is grateful to Nobara for coming up with ideas that allow him to do things he previously only fantasized about and was too afraid to enact in reality. But now, the fact that they're playing a game lets him touch and kiss without consequences. Well, if he doesn't count his erratic heartbeat and most probably flushed cheeks, then there are zero consequences.
Even with the pocky between them, Megumi still doesn't look like he's completely sure of why and what he's doing, but he takes his time munching on the chocolate-covered stick and keeps his eyes trained on it the whole time. Nobara leans over to make sure that Yuuji and Megumi aren't cheating. Five seconds after they kiss, she clicks her tongue and crosses her arms over her chest.
"You're both so inexperienced that it physically pains me to watch you."
Yuuji is the first one to break away in favor of frowning at Nobara.
"You didn't say that when I kissed you though."
Nobara frowns back and waves a hand dismissively.
"I was too shocked by your inability to kiss."
Yuuji gasps dramatically, pressing a hand to his chest.
"Why do you have to be so mean?"
"I'm just saying the truth. And it's that–"
Nobara starts, but is promptly cut off by Megumi who scoots over closer to her and closes her mouth with his own. Only when he pushes his tongue between her lips does she come to her senses, but instead of pulling away, she responds to the kiss and makes a small confused sound in the back of her throat. Meanwhile, Yuuji watches them flabbergasted, and maybe a little bit excited. Or maybe a tad bit too excited actually.
Though everything ends in the matter of seconds when Megumi breaks the kiss, licks his lips and notes as a matter of fact, "So the fruity lip gloss was yours then."
Nobara stares at him wide-eyed, her mouth hung open, but unable to produce any coherent words.
Yuuji relaxes a bit when he sees that his friends are as flustered as him. Well, more like Nobara. Megumi remains as stoic as ever.
"But… Didn't you just say that you don't know how to kiss?" Yuuji asks, and receives a shrug from Megumi.
"Yeah, because I don't know how to do it like you two. That's how kids do it - pressing their lips together and calling it a kiss." Nobara exclaims a 'hey!', but Megumi is unbothered as he picks up the phone again. "Also, I won, so let's finish the movie."
Yuuji and Nobara exchange a surprised look, then return to their previous places wordlessly. They watch the movie in silence which is only broken by their breathing or eating the snacks. Though Yuuji can't keep his attention on the movie because his mind keeps going back to reminding him that he kissed his friends, and watched them kiss, and it was much, much more than friendly kisses, and he thinks he's dreaming, but after bumping his head on the wall behind him, he confirms the contrary. As the reality settles in, he shifts in his place, gets up, hurriedly calls out a 'I'm going to the bathroom' and does just that.
Once he's in the bathroom, he stares at himself in the mirror, splashes cold water on his face, and– oh, he got hard just from a few kisses. Wonderful. Just, spectacular. He hopes that Nobara and Megumi haven't noticed because then he would be thoroughly fucked and not in a good way.
His so damn helpful brain supplies him with the image of Nobara's red face and Megumi’s hand on his knee, and simply their presence around him and their warmth. At least he still has enough conscience to know that right now there is only a door between him and them, so he bites the collar of his hoodie, slips a hand under his pants and underwear and bends over the sink, burying his face in the crook of his elbow just in case some sounds escape him despite his countermeasure.
Pretty soon, as he's close to reaching his limit and imagining hands and lips all over him, Nobara calls out, "Hey, Itadori! Did you get sucked in the drain or something?"
"I'm–" He starts, but his voice cracks. He takes a shaky breath, grips the edge of the sink and does his best to sound normal. "I'm coming right away!"
And he is, right when Nobara answers with "That's a good boy."
Does she even know what it's doing to him? Damn it.
As he tries to steady his breathing, he stares down at his hand and can't help but feel filthy for giving in like that and thinking of Megumi and Nobara like this because wanting to hold hands and kiss is one thing, but this–
He shakes his head to hopefully clear it from any more sexual fantasies, cleans up, smooths out the wrinkles in his hoodie, splashes his face with water again, and only then walks out of the bathroom.
He was only gone for a few minutes, but his bed is neatly made, for some reason. The trash is piled on the nightstand, the energy drinks are on the ground, and Megumi and Nobara aren't sitting, but laying on the bed, covered with not one, but two blankets. He blinks at them, scratches his cheek, his gaze moving from Nobara to Megumi.
"My legs cramped." Nobara offers as an explanation.
"Mine did too. And I was cold." Megumi adds before scooting over to the edge of the bed. Nobara follows his example and practically plasters herself on the wall. "There's still space for you though."
Yuuji stands frozen for a few more seconds. And then, he throws all his previous embarrassment out the window to go back to his usual cheerful confident self.
"So… Does that mean we're gonna be cuddling?"
Megumi and Nobara look at each other and shrug.
As soon as Megumi says that, Yuuji approaches the bed, climbs over the former and gets under the blankets. Nobara groans and turns on her side.
"I think we overestimated the size of the bed." She points out bitterly.
"Couldn't agree with you more." Megumi breathes out and also shifts to lay on his side in order to prevent falling off.
Yuuji extends his arms under their heads and over their shoulders, pulls them close and smiles when they also wrap their arms around him and each other.
"Lucky for you, I'm generous when it comes to space. There's also just enough of it in my heart for both of you by the way."
Megumi and Nobara stop in their tracks and exchange a glance again.
"That… it's like that?" Nobara asks.
"It's like that." Megumi confirms, and they turn their attention back to a thoroughly confused Yuuji. "But you're really dense, you know that?"
"For a moment there we thought you were gonna shy away from confessing. Like, we were this–" And she gives an example with her index finger and thumb pressed together. "–close to confessing first."
Yuuji short-circuits again.
"Wait, wait. What? So you're saying that… You…"
Megumi sighs and waves a hand, letting Nobara do the explanation.
"I like Fushiguro, he likes me, and we like you. And obviously you're denser than Fushiguro because even he noticed your pining and you didn't notice us dropping you hints."
Yuuji directs his gaze to Megumi who nods in agreement. He huffs out a laugh.
"And you set this all up?"
"It was actually Fushiguro's idea." Nobara admits and now it makes sense why Megumi was so enamored with that movie, and why Nobara was so insistent on playing the pocky game.
"Also… That line about the heart was so sweet that I got cavities." Megumi mumbles in dissatisfaction, but the others can clearly see the tips of his ears reddening. Yuuji pulls him even closer and Nobara ruffles his hair despite his protests and they laugh until they're out of breath.
Maybe, after all, Yuuji's type is actually reliable and complicated.
And also tall, and a girl with a big butt.