Work Header

Things Class 1-A Is Not Allowed To Do At UA

Chapter Text

1. The "Bakusquad" is to stop screaming "POGCHAMP" at the top of their lungs any time Bakugo does anything remotely cool-looking in hero training. Actually, all of you are just banned from saying pogchamp or any variant thereof, period.

2. Yes, I do appreciate it when students bring me jelly packs. Lychee are my favorite. No, bringing me jelly packs will not get you out of failing your assignments.

3. Todoroki is expressly forbidden from having a corkboard, thumbtacks, string, or any other manner of conspiracy wall material. Giving Todoroki access to anything that fuels his conspiracy theorist tendencies, especially Midoriya's notebooks, is right out.

4. Related: Todoroki is to stop telling everyone who will listen that Midoriya is All Might's secret love child. This theory has already been disproven. Neither is Shinsou mine. (Addendum from Nedzu: He's adopted.)

5. Still related: Todoroki MAY theorize away about the exact identities of villains, just in case he actually gets it right. He may not, however, theorize about their ancestry.

6. Some of you have noted that I do possess a wedding ring. Anyone discovered to be attempting to identify my spouse will be sentenced to three weeks of house arrest plus cleaning duty, and double that of my personal Hell Training.

7. None of you are to attempt to give an animal into Bakugo's care ever again. This goes double for Pomeranians.

8. You may not keep a cat at the dorms without sending me pictures and a general idea of their care routine so that I can cover for you should you be incapacitated. For dogs, ask Hound Dog. Any other animal, ask Kouda. Kouda is expected to keep the rest of 1-A apprised on how to care for his rabbit should he be incapable.

9. Nedzu and Midoriya are no longer allowed to collaborate on personal side projects. Yes, I'm glad you all gave Endeavor what was coming to him in the court of public opinion. No, I am not proud that you broke the internet for a week in the process.

10. Todoroki may no longer host "All You Can Eat Chicken McNugget Mondays." (Addendum from Nedzu: Todoroki may continue, just not by using his sperm donor's credit card. That's a little much, even for me.)

11. Both you and 1-B are to stop staging 1-on-1 fights between yourselves outside of class and treating them like Pokémon battles. Yes, Kaminari is a bootleg Pikachu. No, that does not make this okay, even in the name of "extra training." If you want that so badly, ask for my Hell Training. Real fights don't take turns anyway.

12. Tokoyami IS responsible for any shenanigans that Dark Shadow gets up to. You are perfectly capable of controlling Dark Shadow. Do so.

13. Dark Shadow is not an SCP object, and "The Keter is loose!" is not an acceptable battle cry.

14. Related, none of you are to convince Hatsume to attempt to recreate any SCP objects. Especially 113. There are Quirks that do that without a death rate attached, believe it or not.

15. Yes, he was a garbage rat who deserved expulsion and then some, but Mineta's name is not "the m word." Stop confusing Eri.

16. Related, anyone who teaches Eri an actual curse word will have Hell Training for the rest of the semester.

17. You all are not allowed to look through Midoriya's notebooks for assignments concerning pro heroes or Quirks. Or, at least get permission first and at least adapt the information to your own writing style.

18. Ashido, and any other student, for that matter, is to refrain from break dancing in the dorms, until it's more break dancing than dancing that breaks things.

19. Hatsume is a person. She is not to be used as a tool or a threat by any of you. Getting her involved in prank wars is right out.

20. Related, Bakugo and Hatsume may not interact. Power Loader fields enough explosions in the Design Lab as it is.

21. I'm not going to preach America's abstinence only hogwash, but you all are not to be starting any pregnancies. Use your head.

22. You all are not allowed to attempt to spook Mirio into activating his Quirk and, consequently, out of his clothes. Find some other way to get even for how he trounced you.

23. None of you are to engage with Monoma. Yes he's an asshole. No, it is not your job to deal with it. Actively goading Monoma is right out. Kendo has it hard enough.

24. You are not to convince Momo to help you recreate scenes from Doom Patrol, especially not "The butts are loose!"

25. Nobody but Bakugo is to use Bakugo's laundry detergent. I don't care that you're out, I care that Bakugou's sweaty clothes don't turn into time bombs.

26. Sero is to stop taping things, especially people, to the ceiling. Hanging from his own ceiling to take Spider-Man selfies is right out.

27. You all are not allowed to convince Hatsume to design items from Team Fortress 2. Yes, a Medi-Gun would be a useful tool for heroes. No, I do not trust any person with the power of Ünercharge.

28. Attempting to have Eri use puppy dog eyes on me to assign less homework will only result in more homework. Stop being manipulative, Overhaul did enough of that to her.

29. Anyone who gives Eri glitter will be expelled with great prejudice.

30. If you want to bring a sleeping bag to class, do it the right way and personally wrangle your rights for it from Nedzu. (Addendum from Nedzu: Don't bother. It's not for students.)

31. If I say to not do something, it's not because I'm trying to control your mind. ~~Yes it is~~ No it is not, and Todoroki may not edit this document.

32. No, Midnight's Quirk is not "forget-me smoke." (Addendum from Midnight: I appreciate the Megamind reference, but no.)

33. Nobody is allowed to commission Momo to make an enormous horse of flying robots to descend on hero training in, especially not for "PRESENTATION!" Any offending devices will be confiscated for Nedzu's personal use. Any such devices destroyed before confiscation are on the student to clean up after themselves.

34. Present Mic is not short for Presentation Michael, Presentation Microphone, OR Presentation Microsoft. Only Tensei is allowed to use that last one, anyway.

35. The presence of a rabbit in Kouda's room does not make the act of entering said room "going down the rabbit hole." Please stop, you're making Kouda uncomfortable.

36. I understand that Todoroki is a culturally deprived child. Nevertheless, Studio Ghibli marathons going past 3 AM in the common room are right out. The same goes for Disney, especially the Disney Channel Originals.

37. Related, Jirou is not allowed to start Camp Rock in the dorms.

38. Anyone blaring that stupid distorted Green Hill Zone theme any time Iida uses his Quirk to run gets a week of Hell Training.

39. Related, that goes double for Eurobeat. That was Tensei's brand, and I don't want Iida trying to break into Tartarus to kick Stain in the balls.

40. Anyone mentioning Ms. Joke in my presence gets two weeks of Hell Training.

41. You all are NOT to attempt to intern with Endeavor with the intent of pranking him. (Addendum from Aizawa: Actually, you all are no longer allowed to intern with Endeavor, at all. Midoriya, you're goddamn terrifying.)

42. Decaf coffee is not permitted on UA campus.

43. While I agree that Midoriya's mother is a wonderful individual, no, you are not allowed to petition her to adopt the whole class. Petitioning her to adopt me is right out.

44. Aoyama is to stop horrifying his classmates with cheese. The rest of you are to learn to not treat non-Japanese food as an eldritch concept from beyond the bounds of the universe.

45. The next person to swap the orange juice in the fridge for Sunny D has a month of Hell Training. Stop messing with Iida.

46. "It's not as bad as Midoriya" is not a reason to get yourself in a situation that breaks your bones. Do not test Recovery Girl's patience.

47. Yes, Recovery Girl's gummies are a controlled substance. That means no, you are not allowed to infiltrate her office to take some when you are out of coffee.

48. Kaminari, if you are going to watch vine compilations at 3 AM, make sure your earbuds are in before turning up the volume.

49. After a certain incident, no UA student is ever to use the phrase "settle it in Smash" within earshot of Midoriya.

50. Do not ever ping me in the class chat unless someone is literally dying. If you do, I will mark half off your assignment and whoever's I was grading. If I was grading your assignment, you get a zero. Use of @everyone is right out.

Chapter Text

51. Shinsou Hitoshi is ALSO a person, not a tool. You are not to attempt to convince him to brainwash anyone, not in the least because that offends him to begin with.

52. You all are not allowed to have Hatsume repair damaged appliances so that you don't have to tell us. Not only will we notice the inevitable "enhancements," the more likely result is that the appliance just blows up in the process AND we lose the warranty.

53. Somewhat related, the so-called "Dekusquad" is to stop violently destroying every tea kettle they lay eyes on. Yes, we know about Todoroki's trauma. Yes, we've accounted for it. The 1-A dorm kettles should not make loud whistling noises, and thus should not trigger anything. We went over this with Todoroki himself.

54. Iida is never to wear any manner of foot-mounted wheels ever again, especially not heelies. None of you are to supply him with any such device on pain of Hell Training.

55. No, Kouda is not aware of Nedzu's exact species, and insisting to Todoroki that he is is right out.

56. Nobody is to bring a bug within 100 feet of Present Mic when inside any building on UA campus, or there will be Hell Training. Cementoss can't make glass, people.

57. All of you are to cease committing "wanton food crimes" during lunch. I'm pretty sure Lunch Rush is terrified of you now, and it's a waste of good food if you don't eat it.

58. Hound Dog is not a furry, nor is anyone with a similar Quirk. Stop insisting to the contrary.

59. Midoriya is not to play correspondence chess with Nedzu over text during class. Correspondence chess in more than 2 dimensions is right out.

60. Uraraka is not to fall asleep outside of her dorm room. We can't afford to bolt down everything in the building.

61. I don't care if Tokoyami said All Might's armpit "smells like justice." You all are to stop attempting to sniff it. Seriously?

62. While I do appreciate you waiting on the rooftop with coffee for me to return from my patrols, we do have curfew for a reason. Go to sleep.

63. You all are no longer allowed to try to host "the Great UA Baking Show." Bakugo, how did you even make spicy ice cream? I'm 99% sure that shouldn't be possible, and it's not even a baked good anyway.

64. No, Thirteen is not The Stig, and you all need to stop spawning conspiracy material for Todoroki.

65. Hagakure is not allowed to turn "Invisible Man" by Queen into her theme song by simply replacing "man" with "Girl."

66. Related, no Kaminari, the original Pokémon TV opening cannot be your theme song, even if you are a bootleg Pikachu.

67. The next person to bring an otamatone to Mic's class has a month of Hell Training.

68. You all are not to prank call Mic's radio show. Not even if Midnight asks nicely.

69. There is no UA Inquisition, and if there was one, its function would not be to "root out and punish Endeavor supporters."

70. Stop making social media posts about how Hawks eating chicken is "cannibalism." Hawks is not a bird, much less a chicken.

71. Support items are not allowed outside of the classroom, and they are not toys. Use of such items outside of class is grounds for two months of Hell Training.

72. You are not allowed to directly challenge Bakugou to perform acts that are humanly impossible. Recovery Girl is at her wit's end already with managing his hearing loss.

73. You are no longer allowed to use your Quirks at the pool outside of school-sanctioned exercises. You guys really turned swimming exercises into "jumping the pool with your Quirks?" Violations invite one month of Hell Training, Aquatics Edition.

74. You are not allowed to prank each other by emailing meme-laden malware to each other's laptops.

75. Shinsou is to stop kidnapping other people's cats. I don't care how much they like you, they are not your cats.

76. Related, all of you are to stop attempting to kidnap my cat. Bastard is MY son, keep your hands off of him. The next person to try gets Hell Training until the end of the semester.

77. Midoriya's text shirts are not an acceptable substitute for the uniform, no matter how hot or stuffy it might get. Specifically wearing one that says "uniform" is right out.

78. Your provisional licenses are for heroic activity. Running to the nearest convenience store to grab snacks before curfew is not heroic activity.

79. Your written reports are supposed to be professional. Do not let me hear from another agency about how you described yourself in such a report as "yeeting that bitch because his vibes were rancid." There will be Hell Training if you do.

80. Related, "VIBE CHECK!" is neither an appropriate battle cry nor an appropriate name for a special move.

81. Stop referring to Tetsutetsu as "Class 1-B Kirishima," and stop referring to Kirishima as "Class 1-A Tetsutetsu." While superficially similar, their Quirks are fundamentally different.

82. Cannons are not the answer to every question, Momo. Nor is "MORE cannons." Or "the Tsar Cannon." How the hell you even got a hugely impractical ceremonial cannon to be of actual use, I'll never know, and I don't think I want to.

83. Students are not to bribe Nedzu with tea to get him to ruin anyone who may have wronged them in the past. (Addendum from Nedzu: Please continue! And do note that I prefer Bergamot teas.)

84. Students are not to attempt to replicate anything from The Henry Stickmin Collection. Especially not the distraction dance, and ESPECIALLY not the damn teleporter.

85. You all are not allowed to "declare war" on anything, especially not "the League's bad vibes."

86. Stop corrupting Shigaraki's name in social media posts. I don't want "Shiggy Toe" attacking us again to defend his honor.

87. Anyone caught lacing any of Satou's baked goods with anything gets Hell Training. You KNOW he uses that for hero training. Stop messing with it.

88. Related, Bakugo is not allowed to make curry for anyone but himself and Midoriya. You two may have the spice tolerance of literal volcanoes, but that does not mean that your classmates do.

89. You all are not allowed to try to replicate whatever sorcery Best Jeanist pulled on Bakugo' hair. Not only is it asking for an early grave, that style looked terrible on Bakugo anyway. There, I said it.

90. If you all are going to celebrate a teacher's birthday by all showing up to class dressed in a terrible cosplay of their costume slapped over your uniform, at least clear it with me first. And yes, Snipe WAS flattered.

91. The next person to start a "Kazoo War" with ANYONE gets house arrest and cleaning duty for a month. Besides, everyone knows Snipe is better than you.

92. Shinsou, having insomnia does not give you license to spam the group chat with weird questions about obscure heroes at 4 AM. Not in the least because you risk Midoriya actually answering.

93. Blasting Crazy Frog songs while Tsuyu is doing a hero class exercise is right out.

94. Yes, Uraraka vomits rainbows...somehow. No, this does not mean you should attempt to recreate any scenes from asdfmovie 2. Believe it or not, that's still unsanitary.

95. Stop using Tsunitori's language difficulties as a medium for a prank war. Mic is getting sick of having to unravel what's a prank and what isn't for her.

96. No matter how much you scream about it, none of the UA faculty are going to "fear the deer." We're still not sure what that even means.

97. Midoriya is not allowed to work with the Support Course to code a real life Porygon. ESPECIALLY if Nedzu asks nicely. (Addendum from Nedzu: You're no fun, Shouta.)

98. Yes, the Hero Comission in its current state may deserve it, but no, there is to be no Nedzu-styled hit organized on them. We want to make it function as intended, not completely obliterate it.

99. You all are not allowed to convince Momo to create items from Minecraft, especially not diamond tools or armor. The latter isn't even all that practical, anyway.

100. Shouji is not "Kakashi-sensei," and all attempts to get him to "activate his Sharingan" are to cease immediately. That's not even how that worked, anyhow.