Sirius never wanted anyone to find out, because it was wrong to look at your best friend the way he looked at James. It was wrong to stare at James’s fingers, to wonder at their length, and how they’d feel wrapped tightly around his cock, or curling inside his arse. It was wrong to see James’s messy hair, and wish Sirius was the one who’d made it that messy, not by James’s own perpetual ruffling of it. It was wrong to see James’s mouth, curved in a smirk, and wonder how it would feel to have that mouth sucking on his cock. Wrong to think about how James would smirk around his prick, and his eyes would glint with smug pleasure at Sirius’s utter loss of composure. Wrong to think of how it would feel to come like that, with James on his knees slurping up Sirius’s come.
It was wrong, was all. It made Sirius feel guilty and ashamed of himself, because James had no idea his best friend was perving on him. James had no idea Sirius listened extra hard at night, with his hand wrapped around his own prick, to hear the small noises James made while he jerked off.
He had no idea of the time Sirius had walked in on James naked in the shower. The curtain had not been pulled all the way shut, and James had been rubbing soapy hands over his flat abs and sharp hip bones, his head tipped back, eyes closed against the spray of water. Sirius had stood there, struck dumb and staring for minutes, rather than immediately turning around, or even simply going to brush his teeth at the sink the way Remus would have if he’d walked in, and saw James washing himself.
It wasn’t right, the way Sirius would get distracted in class, watching James’s fingers on his wand. The way he would poise them just so for a tricky bit of transfiguration, or how he would clench his fist around the shaft in DADA, sending out blasting hexes at unsuspecting blocks of stone.
Sirius shouldn’t even have been allowed near James when he was on a broomstick. Flying with a hard on was quite uncomfortable. Quidditch practice was damn near impossible unless Sirius has a wank first.
It especially wasn’t right the way Sirius thought James’s mouth looked just right for kissing, and his throat looked ripe for biting. Or the way he thought about how it could be, if the times when they threw themselves down together on the sofa in the common room, jumbles of long limbs all pressed together, could be different if only Sirius could put his hands just there, and rest his head just so, and if he could lie there with James and sigh, and close his eyes, and James could put his hands on Sirius’s back, and they could just be. That was the most wrong of all the wrong things, in Sirius’s mind. Because it was one thing to be led into temptation by his dick, but it was quite another to be fooled by what was likely his heart. He wasn’t sure, given he had never felt very cuddly towards anyone else, but he thought, maybe, this could quite possibly, disastrously, be love.
And that was the most wrong thing of all.
Because James wasn’t for Sirius. James was saving his heart for Lily Evans, and just try convincing him that Evans was one bird whose mind wouldn’t be swayed by any pretty words coming from a Marauder’s mouth. James only had eyes for Evans the way Sirius only had eyes for James, and it was hopeless.
Besides which, it was possible James wasn’t even the slightest bit gay, and would reject any and all feelings, emotions, and especially pervings of Sirius as disgusting, or at best, unwanted.
So Sirius never meant for anyone to find out. But unfortunately, or fortunately, James was rather cannier than was good for Sirius’s secret. Because one day after Quidditch practice, tumbled together on the sofa nearest the fire in the common room, James started to speak, and his plush lips brushed against the bared skin at Sirius’s collar. Sirius shivered, bone deep, and instinctively tipped his head aside, baring his throat for more. James paused for one tiny, terrible moment, and Sirius stiffened, and readied himself to pull away, to remove himself from James’s person, and perhaps retreat to a nice, lovely shower where he could relive the moment with his hand on his prick, but James, wanker, pusher, and tester of boundaries that he was, instead locked his legs and arms, holding Sirius in place, and he bit down on the juncture of flesh between Sirius’s shoulder and neck. Not hard enough to break the skin, but hard enough to hurt pleasantly, and Sirius whined. He’d intended it to be a protesting sort of whine, but it was rather more a sound of submission, and a grateful one at that.
James laved the bite with a swipe of tongue, and Sirius swallowed, and suddenly it was impossible for him to move. One couldn’t walk through the common room with a hard on like he had at that moment. Not without everyone knowing about it.
“Aren’t you two cute?” said Alice Smythe-Smith, Evans’s best friend, and Sirius couldn’t even look at her. He could only be grateful his face was turned into the back of the sofa, and no one could see the flush that burned his cheeks, and James couldn’t see what his face looked like, and wouldn’t know, maybe, that the boner Sirius was now sporting was because of his bite.
“He’s keeping me warm,” said James. He wrapped his arms around Sirius’s back, and squeezed like Sirius was a very cuddly, horny teddy bear. “Very cold at Quidditch practice today.”
“You couldn’t have fetched a blanket?” said Alice. She sounded like she was grinning.
“Padfoot is very warm,” said James, loyally. “Cuddle a bit closer, Sirius. I’m feeling a chill.”
This was torture. Sirius wiggled about, trying to keep his hips from tilting close to James’s body, so that he wouldn’t know about his hard on. James wasn’t having it. He shifted his hips, and grabbed handfuls of Sirius’s arse, and there was lifting, shoving, and then everything below the waist slotted together much more comfortably, disastrously, and James said, “There, that’s better. Much more coverage,” and Alice laughed, and said she was leaving now, no need to put on a show, and Sirius’s hard on was pressed very snugly into James’s hip, and Sirius’s thigh was pressed into a very nice bulge.
“That’s better,” James murmured. “Don’t you think, Padfoot?”
Sirius could only whine.
“There’s no going anywhere until it goes down,” said James quietly. “And the common room is absolutely full up. Someone will see, and then everyone will know.”
“Now, you just lie there, and think very unsexy thoughts,” said James. He countered this by nudging his nose along Sirius’s neck, and then very precisely licking the bite he had given Sirius earlier.
Sirius shuddered again, for an entirely different reason.
“I don’t imagine this is helping,” said James, and then the fucker rolled his hips.
“Merlin’s fucking pants,” Sirius swore.
“There he is,” James murmured triumphantly. “I wondered if you’d gone mute.”
Sirius was now miffed enough that turning his head on James’s shoulder so he could face his arsehole of a best friend seemed like a good idea. But James was smirking, and his whiskey brown eyes were full of humor and mirth, like this was just another prank they were playing on everyone. ‘Haha, see how I can make Sirius come in his pants in front of the whole common room without anyone noticing a thing.’ This did wonders for the fog in his brain, but nothing for the rod in his trousers.
“You’re a prick,” said Sirius.
“I’d say you’re the prick,” said James, and he rolled his hips again.
“Stop that,” said Sirius.
James snorted, and his hands landed on Sirius’s arse again and squeezed. “What is it?” he asked. “Is the biting a thing?”
Sirius closed his eyes. “No.”
“The giant hard on jabbing my guts says otherwise,” said James. Sirius was momentarily flattered, because, ‘giant,’ really? But reality intruded, as across the room someone won a game of Exploding Snap, and began crowing loudly over the victory. There were a lot of people in the common room tonight. A lot of witnesses to his potential humiliation.
“Your prick isn’t exactly soft,” said Sirius, and got a little revenge by shifting his thigh.
James swallowed, and gave a breathy laugh. “Suppose not. How do you suggest we proceed, Padfoot?”
“By lying very, very still. And get your hands off my arse.”
James did no such thing. “I suppose we should think unsexy thoughts. Like Dumbledore and McGonagall naked in the prefect’s bath. Together.”
“Or, how about the giant squid and Snivellus.”
“Well, that did it. All boners are immediately quashed with thoughts of Snivellus.”
“No, it’s not,” said James, and he squeezed Sirius’s arse, and held him tightly while rolling his hips again.
Sirius swallowed a moan, and then hissed, “If you keep that up we’re going to get rid of our boners in an entirely different way.”
James snickered, but stopped.
“I suspect it was the giant squid that ruined it,” James said. “Think of what those tentacles could do. All of them. Together. At once.”
“You dirty pervert.”
“Says the man with his prick all shoved up against mine in the middle of the common room. Said the Sirius to the kettle, hint, we’re both Black.”
It could be worse, Sirius thought. James could have shoved him away at the start. He could have freaked out, and claimed he’d never speak to Sirius again. This was actually an excellent outcome, if Sirius was being honest. But it was also horrible, because James was joking. This was all a joke. A funny lark James would hint at later when they were in company, just to see if Sirius would blush.
“Just don’t move,” Sirius said. “And get your hands off my arse.”
“You’re quite comfortable, Padfoot,” said James. “Other than the pants situation you aren’t poking me anywhere. Usually we’re all elbows and knees doing this.”
“We’re not usually dry humping,” said Sirius. “I suspect that makes a difference.”
James smirked at him, and his hands finally left Sirius’s arse to travel in long sweeps up and down Sirius’s back. It felt amazing, and Sirius dropped his head to James’s shoulder, and sighed.
“You’re such a puppy,” said James. “Padfoot loves to be petted.”
“Shut up, Prongs,” said Sirius. He was very aware of how appropriate his Animagus form was. Loyal, eager to please, desperate for affection. If James wanted to put a collar on him, and lead him around on a leash, Sirius would probably go for it, so long as he got pets and belly rubs, or their sexy equivalents.
Sirius shifted around on the sofa. “Budge up a bit,” he said, and wiggled to the side. He slid off James, and landed on his side, with his back now pressed into the sofa cushions. James squawked as his predicament was exposed to the common room.
“On your side,” said Sirius, and James rolled over so they were faced together on the sofa. Their dicks, thankfully, were no longer touching in any way. The only bits that touched were knees and elbows. Very unsexy.
“It was better the other way,” James groused, trying to find a good place for his arm to go, and finally settled his hand on Sirius’s hip. Sirius kept his arm tucked under his head, and the other tight to his chest. Their knees knocked, and James shoved one of his in between Sirius’s. “There.”
“No more accidental frottage,” said Sirius. Though could it be accidental when James was grabbing his arse, and rolling his hips like that?
“More’s the pity,” said James, grinning.
Sirius rolled his eyes, and hoped his blush wasn’t visible.
They were quiet for a little while, Sirius trying not to do anything stupid, like stare into James’s eyes, and James toying with a belt loop on Sirius’s hip, which wasn’t really helping the boner situation.
“Would you like to talk about the weather?” asked James. “Quidditch? How the team will fare against Hufflepuff next week?”
“Just thought you’d want to make small talk, during this awkward silence.”
“No,” said Sirius.
“Then perhaps we should talk about how you got a stiffie when I bit you.”
“How about we talk about why you bit me?”
“You were going to run away,” said James, like it was perfectly reasonable to stop someone from running away by biting them, and grabbing their arse, and rubbing groins together.
“Yes, I was,” said Sirius. “And I will run away again, once I can walk without embarrassing myself.”
“Why though?” said James. “It’s not as though we haven’t seen each other with hard ons before.”
Sirius huffed. “It’s not the same,” he said.
“Because I gave you this one?”
Sirius would run away right now. He would. But James’s hand migrated from his hip, and found skin to scorch at the small of his back, and Sirius’s erection wasn’t wilting at all. Not one bit.
“You gave me mine,” said James, like such an admission was easy, and Sirius watched him wet his lip with his tongue. James’s fingers pressed into his skin, and fiddled with his waistband, like for his next trick, he was going to slide his hand underneath.
“So what does that mean?” said Sirius.
James made an amused, aroused face. “Well, if we were alone right now, who knows what would be happening?”
Sirius choked, and managed, “What?”
“I mean, you like it,” James said. Their hips must have shifted closer while James was talking, because things were rubbing together down below again. “And I like it, so why not?”
“Why not?” echoed Sirius.
James nodded, and shrugged his shoulder. “Why not?”
At this moment, with James’s hand on his back, fingertips creeping beneath his waistband, pressing into the swell of his arse, and their erections rubbing together between them, he couldn’t think of a single fucking reason why not. In fact, the idea of walking through the common room like this didn’t even bother him anymore, not if the journey ended with Sirius being able to shove James down onto one of their beds and pull the curtains, and they could rub against each other until they come. Hell, maybe they could even do the rubbing naked, if they could stand the extra seconds it would take to get undressed.
Sirius found his hand was no longer held tight to his chest, but instead had gathered a handful of James’s white button down, like he was going to drag James in closer. James smirked, looking hot and pleased, like Sirius was behaving exactly as expected. Sirius thought he might just dare to kiss that knowing smirk off James’s face, see what he made of that—
“Honestly, you two, there are children in here,” came the disgusted voice of the dasher of all Sirius’s wet dreams, Lily Evans.
In a flash, James’s hand was removed from Sirius’s arse, and his body was upright and twisted around on the sofa, untucked shirt draped artfully to cover his boner. He was still helpfully blocking Sirius’s groin from the rest of the room.
“Evans,” said James. “Light of my life, apple of my eye.”
“Save it,” Lily said. “Take your canoodling away from all the young, impressionable eyes, and mine. Trust me, no one wants to see just how close the two of you are.”
“Why, Evans, I don’t know what you mean. Sirius and I were just keeping each other warm after Quidditch practice,” said James. “Dreadful cold out there. I nearly lost feeling in my extremities, but Sirius helped put the feeling back.”
Sirius snorted. His erection was all but gone. Watching James flirt with Evans was good for that. Also good for boner killing was the crushing sense of disappointment, dismay, and the bitter feeling he should have known better.
Lily wrinkled her nose. “Do it in your room next time.”
“Do what?” said James, tipping his head to the side, and affecting innocence.
Lily rolled her eyes, and walked away.
James watched her go, and Sirius’s heart sank lower and lower. The good news was his erection was completely gone. Sirius could go up to bed now, and go about pretending this incident never occurred, because that was surely what James would do.
Sirius sat up, and wiggled out from behind James until they sat side by side on the edge of the sofa.
James frowned after Lily. “Nearly getting caught made it worse,” he mused, shifting his hips. “I discovered a new kink.”
More like Lily made it worse, the tosser. Sirius felt like an idiot. A used idiot.
“Well, I’m for bed,” said Sirius.
“What?” said James, finally looking at Sirius instead of Evans.
“Here, have a pillow.” Sirius grabbed a throw pillow from the end of the sofa, and tossed it into James’s lap. “See you in the morning.”
Sirius went up the staircase, and as soon as he was inside their room, he stripped off his clothes, and dove into bed. He shut the curtains with a spell, and made it so James wouldn’t be able to invade, and demand any answers, or try to start something again.
Sirius had to remember James wasn’t for him, he was for Lily, and Sirius would never have James the way he wanted. He would just have to forget the boner incident had ever occurred.
But it was difficult, he thought, gently prodding the bite mark on his neck, to forget when he had so much evidence it had happened. He would probably have a hickey tomorrow. James Potter had given him, Sirius Black, a hickey. And he had grabbed his arse, and rubbed his hard prick against Sirius’s, and James had said Sirius was the one who made him hard, and James had wanted to—
“Not thinking about it,” said Sirius. He shoved his face under his pillow, pulled the covers up over his shoulders, and tried to smother himself in bedding. Maybe if he was lucky, he wouldn’t wake up in the morning at all. Maybe he would suffocate in his sleep, and then wouldn’t have to see James’s stupid face again, and wouldn’t have to try to pretend to only want to be friends with that stupid face, when what he wanted was so much more than that.
:: :: :: ::
Sirius managed to fall asleep, and he was awake, dressed, and heading down to breakfast before James had even woken up. Score one to Black. He didn’t know how James was going to respond to what happened last night, and mentally prepared himself for being ignored, punched, or to have James declare Sirius’s perversions to everyone. He didn’t hold much hope James actually meant any of the things he’d said last night. A bloke will say anything when he has a boner, and he wants someone else to touch it. Things were different when you have a spent prick and a clear head.
Remus was an early riser, and was already at the Gryffindor table, reading the Daily Prophet, and sipping tea, with the remains of his breakfast set aside. Sirius took the seat across from him, and gave Remus a bland smile when he looked up in surprise.
“You’re up early,” said Remus.
“Wanted to beat the rush,” said Sirius, and Remus quirked an eyebrow. The Great Hall was damn close to empty, and wouldn’t fill up for another hour. Sirius grabbed toast and sausages, a heap of eggs, and pumpkin juice, and dug in. He wanted to be gone before James even thought of coming down. Sirius planned on avoiding his best friend as much as he could today.
Remus looked bemused, and turned back to the paper.
Sirius’s plans were thwarted by James’s sudden arrival in the Great Hall. James flew through the open doors, looking disheveled and gorgeous. His bed head had not been tamed, his shirt was half buttoned, a tie draped around his neck, and one of his shoes was untied. He descended on Sirius like an angry dementor, glaring daggers. He defiantly took the seat next to Sirius, knocked their knees together, and then left his there, pressing hot like a brand against Sirius’s leg.
Sirius swallowed down some eggs, and pretended there was nothing wrong, despite James’s glare never leaving his face, and Remus looking at them curiously.
“Did something happen?” said Remus.
James took toast and the jar of strawberry jam, and slammed the jar down on the table before him. He started slathering his toast with extreme prejudice, all the while glaring at the side of Sirius’s face. Sirius very calmly sliced off a bit of sausage and ate it.
“I don’t know, Remus,” said James, voice full of false cheer. “Let’s ask Sirius. Sirius, did something happen?”
Sirius took a bite of eggs, and very bravely shook his head. “Don’t think so.”
James made an incoherent sound of rage. “He doesn’t think so. Un-fucking-believable.”
“All right,” said Remus, He shook his head at them, and went back to his newspaper.
James finally transferred his glare to his breakfast, and began abusing his food. The eggs were thrown about, the toast was crushed with angry fingers, and the snapping bites James took from the sausage made Sirius’s prick shrivel, as fantasies of James giving him blowjobs were ruined forever.
“He doesn’t think so,” James muttered aloud. “Then what the fuck was all that, I ask you.”
James shoved closer in his chair, so they were less knee to knee and now thigh to thigh, and elbow to elbow, and James held his fork in an alarming manner.
“If you say it wasn’t anything I will stick this fork in your junk, I swear to Merlin,” said James.
Sirius, very wisely, shut his mouth, and laid a protective arm over his lap.
James subsided, but left his thigh where it landed, and poked at his eggs with the fork instead. He sighed, and it was like all his anger vanished in an instant, and he looked the way Sirius felt, confused and uncertain.
Sirius wanted to say, ‘Of course it wasn’t anything, you’re arse over kettle in love with Evans, and you have been for ages, you prat!’ But they were in the Great Hall, and Remus would twig to what was happening, and if Sirius had to talk about his feelings in front of other living people he might just die. Literally die on the spot of mortification.
But maybe, Sirius thought, he had read James all wrong. Maybe it was something to him too. There was the matter of his anger this morning, and the fact they were still sitting beside each other with their legs all pressed together, and that had never happened at breakfast before. Maybe Sirius needed to re-evaluate.
But then Lily Evans appeared. She was all fair skin and bright red hair, with the morning sun glinting off of it, making it look shinier than a new knut. James did that stupid thing where he sighed, and followed her down the aisle with his eyes. Sirius had a sudden urge to put a fork in James’s junk. He got up from the table while James was distracted, and left without saying goodbye. He would see them both in Charms anyhow.
It was not an easy thing, to hide from James Potter, what with the tricks James had up his sleeves, but Sirius thought he could evade him until class started, because he needed to think. James didn’t have the map on him at breakfast, and if he were to go up to the tower and get it, he would still have to come after Sirius, so Sirius took up a winding path of the parts of the school farthest from Gryffindor Tower. He eventually holed up in an empty boys’ restroom that was just beyond the Hufflepuff dorms, and fixed his hair in the mirror.
“This has to stop,” he told his reflection. “You have grown pathetic, and it has to stop here, or you’re going to lose him entirely.” The mere idea of losing James’s friendship had him swallowing a lump in his throat. He couldn’t let that happen.
The door banged open, and James stood framed in the doorway for a single, shocking moment, before Sirius realized he never should have thought he could hide from James in the first place.
“Remus had the map?” he guessed.
“No, I just know you, you great big moron,” said James. He shut the door behind him, and threw the lock.
James stalked across the room, and grabbed Sirius’s shirtfront. He dragged him around, and pushed him until Sirius’s back was against the wall, and his shirt was wrinkled.
“Is there anyone else in here?” asked James.
“No, there’s no one—“ and Sirius choked, because James dragged his collar down, and put his mouth on the bite mark he left on Sirius last night. James sunk his teeth into his skin. Sirius made an involuntary noise, one, because it hurt, and two, James’s mouth was on him again.
Suddenly, James’s hand was on his cock, touching him through the fabric of his trousers. It was all long fingers and a hot palm, rubbing and stroking and kneading, with fingertips pressed into Sirius’s balls. Sirius choked and whimpered, jerking his hips away at the sudden sensation, and then abruptly he gave in, rubbing into James’s touch.
James’s hips shoved insistently into his, and he was hard already, rubbing his prick into Sirius’s thigh.
Sirius tipped his head back, and James bit and sucked marks up the column of his neck, and one just under the hinge of his jaw.
Sirius couldn’t help it anymore, and moaned, “Oh, Merlin.”
James hummed agreeably. His fingers left Sirius’s prick for a moment, fumbling instead with Sirius’s belt. He watched James unzip his pants with a sort of disbelieving wonder, and then his eyes rolled back in his head when James reached inside, and pulled out his prick. James was touching his naked cock. Sirius had to bite his tongue to stop from coming right then and there. There was more fumbling down there, and then there was a hot, hard length pressed up against Sirius’s prick, and James’s hand wrapped around them both. He gave them a long stroke, and Sirius choked out, “Oh, fucking what is happening?”
James chuckled, breathless, and sucked a deeper bruise into Sirius’s neck. His hand pulled on both their pricks, and Sirius was finally brave enough to look. The sight was incredible: the pink heads of both their cocks, all shoved up together, and James’s fingers wrapped tightly around them, slowly jacking them, and turning Sirius’s brain to mush. He looked at James, and his expression made him feel like all the air had gone out of the room. Dark eyes, heavy lidded, glasses pushed up into his hair, making it stand in spikes. Sirius thought it would be okay to get his hand up in James’s hair just then, so he did. He slid his fingers into James’s thick, messy hair, and tugged. James’s eyes slid shut for a moment, and he tipped his head into Sirius’s hand. He looked debauched and rumpled and pleased, and Sirius’s hips jerked, pushing his cock harder into James’s hand.
He put his other hand on James’s neck, with his thumb right at the hinge of his jaw, and James chased it, blindly, and sucked Sirius’s thumb into his mouth. Sirius felt a hot rush of lust that went straight to his groin, and knew it wouldn’t be long now. James closed his eyes in pleasure, tongue swirling around the pad of his thumb, and on their pricks James’s thumb swirled over the heads, so sensitive, and that was it. Sirius’s balls drew up tight, and he came with a groan. James kept stroking, wetness making his hand glide easily, and then he groaned too, burying his mouth in Sirius’s neck, all teeth and open mouth, panting into the giant hickey he left there. Sirius’s whimpered at the over stimulation, but James kept stoking them, until every last pulse of come was on his hand, and rubbed into their pricks.
“Fucking finally,” James murmured, and he licked the bite mark again before pulling off, and releasing their spent dicks.
Sirius leaned against the wall, certain he couldn’t hold himself up without the added help, and stared at the ceiling for a moment, wondering what the hell just happened. Because it seemed like James came in here, and ambushed him with sex, but he could be wrong.
James washed his hands off in the sink, and dried them off. He flicked his wand at himself and Sirius, removing the remaining mess. Then he tucked away his cock, and did up his pants and belt. Sirius put his prick away too. It was awkward to be the only one with your junk hanging out.
“Better?” asked James.
“Yeah, but why?”
James didn’t answer, but gave him a short nod. He adjusted the glasses on his nose, unlocked the bathroom door, and left, ruffling his hair as he went.
Sirius watched him leave with a frown. “What the fuck was that?” he asked aloud. But no one was there to answer.
:: :: :: ::
The day proceeded very normally after that, despite the fact Sirius couldn’t stop looking at James, and wondering what the fuck was going on. Was it a one time thing? Would they do it again? Did it mean anything? Because James still flirted outrageously at Evans, and he still clapped Sirius on the shoulder, and he still sat next to him at lunch and dinner, though without any limbs being pressed together, and they still studied in the library, and James’s feet tangled with his, like usual, and now they were going to bed, and everything was just the same, but Sirius had all these new, vivid images to jerk off to, and was even more confused than he was yesterday.
He was half hard in his pajama pants, staring up at the canopy of his four poster bed, with the curtains already shut for the night. He flung his arm up over his head, and wondered what tomorrow would bring. Would James act the same? Would there be more sex surprises? Would James still be in love with Evans, or would he change his mind? Would he decide he loved Sirius instead?
He listened to the other boys settle in for the night. Peter moaned about an essay due tomorrow in Potions, and Remus tidied up his side of the room. Remus could never go to bed unless his books were just so, and all his things were put away in the wardrobe. James was suspiciously silent, and Sirius wondered if he was even there. Maybe he was down in the common room with Evans right that second.
Sirius scowled darkly at the bed hangings. What was James playing at anyway? Who decided to jerk off their best friend, and then just left him standing there wondering what happened? Quite rude, really. Sirius was miffed. He was, he was miffed, he was not at all turned on at the thought of the ambush. He looked down at the tent he was making in his pajama pants.
“Traitor,” he muttered.
He sighed and stretched on his bed, arms over his head. He dug around under his pillow for his wand, and murmured a silencing charm, then tucked his wand away again. Outside the hangings, someone turned out the lights, and darkness fell inside the drawn curtains on Sirius’s bed. Peter and Remus were in their beds, and James too, probably. The others would have left a light on if James was coming up later.
Sirius settled in to relive the whole bathroom wanking experience in glorious detail, and stroked his prick through the thin cotton of his pajama pants.
The curtain at his left swept aside, and James was framed there. He had a Lumos glowing on the tip of his wand. Sirius froze just as he was, suddenly intently aware of how he looked, with one hand thrown over his head, his chest bare, and the other hand teasing his hard length.
James grinned, and climbed onto the bed. He tugged the curtain closed behind him. “You got started without me,” he whispered.
“Silencing charm,” Sirius said, shocked that this was happening again. There was no need to whisper.
James doused the light, and fumbled around on the bed. Sirius heard the clink of his glasses and wand on the nightstand outside. Then James draped himself, warm and half dressed, over Sirius’s chest. His fingers quickly found a nipple to pluck at. His knee rode high on Sirius’s hip, nudging at his balls.
“Did I fall asleep?” Sirius wondered aloud. That theory was quickly disproved, when James leaned down, and bit his shoulder.
“Not dreaming,” James said to confirm. His hand swept over Sirius’s chest, and down to the waistband of his pants.
“Why are you doing this?” asked Sirius.
“I said yesterday, didn’t I?” said James. He shrugged, though Sirius could only feel it, he couldn’t see in the dark. “You like it, and I like it, so why not?”
James’s hand slipped beneath his waistband, and Sirius sucked in a breath. “Why not,” he repeated dumbly.
“I was thinking of something a little more naked, though,” said James. His warmth vanished from Sirius’s side, and his hand left his pants, and James moved about on the bed, until he abruptly moved over Sirius. Sirius could sort of see James’s silhouette in the dark. James tugged Sirius’s pants down his hips, and Sirius helped him drag them down his legs and off. Then, dear Merlin, he was naked with James. They were naked, and Sirius knew this, because he suddenly had a lapful of naked James Potter. James’s thighs were on either side of his, and there were balls laying against his balls, and James’s cock was right on his. James leaned over to grab his hands. There was delightful pressure on his groin, and then James shifted upright again, and put Sirius’s hands where he wanted them, which was apparently on his arse. Sirius was happy to oblige, and his hands squeezed and kneaded at the firm flesh. James hummed, pleased, and rocked his hips when Sirius pulled at them.
“We need lube,” said James.
Sirius agreed, and reluctantly released one arse cheek to get his wand from under his pillow. He found James’s cupped hand in the dark, and with a whispered word that hand was now the proud owner of a puddle of lube. James chuckled, probably Sirius was over enthusiastic with the spell, which was confirmed a moment later when James’s very wet hand closed around Sirius’s cock.
“That’s good,” said James, stroking up and over and around, and Sirius could do little more than try to hold back any pathetic noises he might have made.
James squeezed, and a number of noises were let loose anyway. Sirius dropped his wand on the bed, and grabbed James’s arse again.
James’s hand left his prick for a moment, and he stroked the rest of the lube over himself with a groan. Sirius was breathless at the idea of what might happen next.
James’s hands landed on either side of Sirius’s body, and he leaned over to nudge at Sirius’s chin, until he tipped it up, giving James room to make that giant hickey on his neck even worse. James bit and Sirius gasped, and James rolled his hips, and their pricks slid pleasantly against hard abs. Sirius used his hands on James’s arse to guide him into a rhythm, and James kept up the good work he was doing on Sirius’s neck.
He bit along one side, and then over Sirius’s throat, paying special attention to his Adam’s apple, and to the other side. He discovered that teeth dragging on an earlobe made Sirius whimper. So he did it again and again, until Sirius felt like a spring that James was winding tighter and tighter.
Sirius let his hands wander over James’s naked back, which he seemed to like, if the pleased hums were any indication, and when Sirius threaded one hand through his hair and pulled, he groaned, and rocked his hips harder.
It felt amazing, all hot and wet and slippery, though he was never going to come this way. But they kept trying, rolling their hips together until they had a rhythm that worked. Sirius’s prick rubbed into the cut of James’s hip bone, while James’s rubbed into his happy trail.
James sat upright on his lap, and Sirius’s hands roamed over James’s chest, tweaking nipples and stoking the lines of sweaty abdominals. James grabbed one of his hands, and put it on his prick.
“Stroke me,” he said, his voice breathless.
Sirius couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of it before, and eagerly wrapped his fingers around James’s prick. His cock was long and fat, and Sirius’s mouth watered at the idea of other places James’s prick could go. He stroked the length, and let his thumb roll over the head. Over him James choked off a noise, and his hips rocked into the tug of Sirius’s hand.
“Is it good?” Sirius asked.
“Merlin, so good,” James groaned. His hips stuttered when Sirius’s squeezed just so. He brought his other hand into play, gently stroking at James’s tight, wrinkly balls, and it was only a few strokes before James groaned out a wordless orgasm, and spilling hot come over Sirius’s fist. Sirius wished he’d thought to keep a light on, because he completely regretted that he couldn’t see exactly what James looked like in that moment. James’s breathing slowed down, and he slumped a bit more onto Sirius’s lap. He gently released James’s prick, and over him James’s hips jerked, like he felt sensitive.
“Merlin,” said James, “that was…”
Sirius wiped his wet hand off on James’s hip.
James chuckled, “Thanks, arsehole.”
“Anytime,” Sirius murmured, and made sure to spread it around a bit more.
“You should have licked up the mess,” said James, and that made all kinds of things shiver, because, yes, he should have. That would have been good.
James’s hands landed by his sides again, and he moved off Sirius’s lap. James’s face came close to his, and for a wonderful moment Sirius thought he was going to be kissed. But James’s bit at his jaw instead, and then whispered filthy in his ear, “I’m going to lick up your mess.” Sirius shuddered all over, and James moved away, down, down, and oh, dear Merlin, was he really going to—
James breathed hot against Sirius’s prick, and Sirius fumbled around for his wand, and fired up a Lumos, because he absolutely had to see this happening.
James blinked in the sudden light, and then grinned up at him. Sirius settled on his elbows, and stared, because that was James’s mouth, and that was Sirius’s cock, in very close proximity. James breathed over the head again, and Sirius shivered. James grinned suddenly, almost smirking, and closed his mouth over the head. It was wet and hot, and it was James with his mouth on Sirius’s cock.
“Merlin’s fucking something,” said Sirius. James’s shoulders shook with mirth, but he thankfully did not remove his mouth. His eyes sparkled up at Sirius though, and his tongue did something amazing down there, sliding wetly over the head of Sirius’s prick.
“James, oh, Merlin.”
James got with the program, and his mouth slid down Sirius’s prick, as far as he could go, which wasn’t too far, but he brought his hand in to cover the rest. It was more than enough. Sirius didn’t think he could last, not with the object of all his cock sucking fantasies licking down his prick, smirking around his girth, all laughing eyes, like watching Sirius fall apart under his hands and mouth was the most fun they’ve ever had.
James bobbed his head, and stoked his hand in time, and Sirius didn’t last long at all after that. He fisted his hands in the bedding, and tried to keep his eyes open, he really did, because he didn’t want to miss a single fucking moment, but in the end he couldn’t, and he threw his head back, and his eyes closed, and he came with a loud groan. As soon as he realized he stopped, he looked down again, and watched James. He was still sucking on the head of Sirius’s prick, like he wanted to suck up every last drop of come. He didn’t let up until Sirius whimpered, and threaded his fingers in James’s hair to pull him off.
James brought his mouth away with a pop, and smiled at Sirius like the smug bastard he was.
“You seemed to like that,” he said.
Sirius grabbed his hair, and tugged until James climbed back up the bed. Sirius wrapped his arms around his torso when he was close enough, and rolled them together, landing with his head on James’s chest. Apparently he was a cuddler, which probably anyone could have guessed. He sighed, deep and sated, and James’s hands stroked over his back, and combed through his hair. Sirius settled in deeper.
“So, sex,” said James. “What’s your take on it?”
“S’good,” said Sirius.
“Want to do it again?”
Sirius nodded, enthusiastically. “But now sleep.”
James hummed. “Okay. Sleep now. But more sex later.”
“So much more,” Sirius agreed, and fell asleep a moment later.
:: :: :: ::
They jerked each other off once more in the middle of the night, face to face on the bed, and panting into each other’s mouths. Never once kissing, to Sirius’s regret.
In the morning, Sirius woke up alone. He peered out of the bed hangings, and saw James was asleep in his own bed. He felt a pang of worry. Was James feeling regret? Or was he just trying to keep up the pretense in front of Remus and Peter?
Probably Sirius should stop jumping to conclusions, because he seemed to always jump to the wrong ones. For instance, he never would have guessed James would come into his bed last night. He would have dreamed it, sure, but to have it actually happen was unbelievable.
Sirius got up, and was dressed and showered before James showed any signs of waking.
James finally began to stir when Sirius was in the process of adjusting his tie, and no, he wasn’t waiting around the room, and making stupid excuses to himself to linger. That would be ridiuclous.
James blinked sleepy, warm eyes, and a slow smirk bloomed across his face when he saw Sirius standing at the mirror between their two beds. Sirius gave a small smile in return, and then pretended that the state of his tie knot was more important than ogling half naked James Potter.
“What time is it?” James asked. “Why is everyone gone?”
“It’s after seven,” said Sirius. “Moony is at breakfast, and Pete squeaked something about the library. I think he’s gone to work on the essay due in Potions today.”
“Perfect,” James purred, and he rolled out of bed to stand right behind Sirius at the mirror, and put his hands all over Sirius’s chest. James pressed right up close to Sirius’s back, his morning wood poking Sirius in the arse. James’s long fingers quickly undid the knot Sirius had been fiddling with for the past fifteen minutes, then tugged his collar aside to see the hickey on Sirius’s neck.
It was a large purple and blue stain, right at the base of Sirius’s throat, at the join into his shoulder. There were darker reddish purple marks in the center, from James’s teeth.
James winced. “I thought it would be sexy, but that just looks painful. You ought to heal it.”
Sirius shrugged. “It doesn’t hurt.” Except when he moved his head. “I don’t mind it.”
James’s eyes were knowing over his shoulder in the mirror. “You mean, you like it.”
Sirius shrugged, and that hurt too. James rubbed his fingertips over Sirius’s nipples, and he shivered.
James fetched his wand from the nightstand, and tapped gentle healing charms on Sirius’s abused flesh. Sirius frowned, and James rolled his eyes at him.
“I’ll give you more,” said James, like a promise. “Smaller, less painful ones.”
Sirius couldn’t help but shiver. The hickey healed, James tossed his wand in the direction of his bed. He wrapped his arms around Sirius’s waist, and nibbled delicately at the newly healed skin.
“I’m for a long hot shower,” said James. He rubbed his erection into Sirius’s arse. “A long. Hot. Shower.”
“I already had one,” said Sirius.
James made a face. “Yes, I can smell you. Very clean. Very disappointing. Maybe you should wait for me tomorrow.”
“Pete won’t be gone tomorrow morning.”
James shook his head sadly. “Then it’s a shame you didn’t wait for me today.”
Sirius made a considering face in the mirror. “I suppose I could shower again,” he said.
James grinned, and his hand travelled down Sirius’s body to land on the bulge in his trousers. “Looks like you could do with a long hot shower too.”
“I sure hope that’s a euphemism for sex,” said Sirius wryly. “Or I’ll be disappointed.”
James snorted. “Here I thought I was being subtle.”
“As a bludger to the face,” said Sirius.
So it happened that Sirius got off twice that morning, as earlier he had dealt with his morning wood alone in bed, and the second time with James in the shower, so he started his day feeling excellent. They rubbed each other down with Sirius’s excellent smelling soap, until they were sudsy and slippery, and James put his mouth on Sirius’s neck again, careful this time not to bite too hard. He left slow, precise bites and licks that made Sirius gasp and moan, and clutch James closer. They jerked each other off, and washed the evidence down the drain.
They did not kiss.
Sirius was starting to wonder why? If he tried to kiss James, would he allow it? Or was kissing the line they didn’t cross? Did kissing make them boyfriends, while now they were only really horny best friends?
Not even this new brand of anxiety could bother him this morning though, not with two orgasms under his belt, and James making teasing comments, trying to make Sirius blush, and leaving their sides pressed together during breakfast.
Even when Evans walked down the aisle past them, and James said hello, which she ignored, that didn’t bother him this morning, because Sirius had the fresh image of James, wet and soapy, shoved up against the shower tiles, gasping Sirius’s name while he worked James’s cock in long strokes.
‘Take that, Evans,’ Sirius thought. ‘You don’t even know what you’re missing.’
:: :: :: ::
The day proceeded in the same vein, with James reminding Sirius of the new aspect to their friendship constantly, while Sirius felt weirdly shy about it.
James was free with his touches: a hand lingered on Sirius’s arm, knees pressed together under desks, and he fixed Sirius’s tie twice, even though Sirius loosened it immediately after. His knowing grins were easy, and he didn’t seem to care that he basically eye-fucked Sirius all day long in front of Merlin and everyone.
Sirius felt less sure. He wanted to touch James. He wanted to grab James’s arm, to swing him around, to muss his hair, to shove himself into James’s side and stay there, but he couldn’t. He was more invested in this than James was. Sirius’s heart was on the line. James was just having some fun. It was possible James would tire of this lark of fucking his best friend. He might even succeed in getting Evans to agree to a date, and then where would Sirius be? Heartbroken, that’s where, and if James were to know of the depth of Sirius’s feelings, that would make the inevitable end a million times worse, because James would be sorry, and apologetic, and careful with Sirius after, and their friendship wouldn’t survive that. Sirius thought they could manage the aftermath so long as James believed Sirius was only as invested as he was, that Sirius thought of this as an easy, fun fuck with his best friend and nothing more. Which meant Sirius absolutely could not give in to his urge to touch James, because it would make his needy, greedy feelings obvious. There was humor in all of James’s touches -- a look in his eye that said, ‘We’re having fun now, aren’t we?’ and Sirius knew his touches would tell something entirely different. Something desperate.
So he kept his hands to himself, and tried not to be too eager when James touched him, when his fingers brushed over Sirius’s chest and nipples as he was ‘smoothing his tie,’ or when his fingers closed around his wrist to drag him to Transfiguration, or when he sat very, very close in every lesson and meal.
By dinnertime, James’s touches had a different sort of edge, and came with a peculiar frown.
“What’s wrong, Padfoot?” he murmured at dinner. Across the table, Remus and Peter were talking about the spell they learned in Transfiguration earlier. Remus tried to explain the theory to Peter. They weren’t paying them any attention at all.
“Nothing,” said Sirius.
James looked dubious.
“Are you feeling a little on edge?” asked James, a smirk curling his lips. He pressed in close, just in case Sirius didn’t get the innuendo.
Sirius was feeling a little on edge. Actually, a lot on edge. But dinner distracted him well enough. The motions of steadily eating through a slice of ham and a mound of potatoes helped keep his reactions to James at a low simmer. It probably helped they’d had sex a few times now, so his usual desperate wanting of James was lessened.
“You should take your hand off my thigh,” said Sirius.
James’s smirk turned into a scowl, and the hand was removed. Sirius breathed a little easier.
They finished dinner, and went up to Gryffindor Tower. There was homework to be done, and they all did it at a table in the common room. James refrained from touching and flirting, instead busying himself with answering the questions McGonagall had set in Transfiguration. Sirius did his Charms work, and tried not to look at James too much. Instead, he got caught up in arguing with Moony about the proper flick and swish for a Thawing Charm.
:: :: :: ::
Sirius fell asleep on his own that night, but woke up in the early hours with James pressed up against his back. James’s cock was hard, and shoved between his arse cheeks, and his fist was wrapped around Sirius’s cock. It was a glorious way to wake up. They came like that, with James rutting against him, and Sirius’s hips jerking to fuck James’s fist. James panted warm breaths into Sirius’s neck, and Sirius drifted off to sleep again right after.
When he woke up in the morning it was a bit later than usual, and James had gone down to breakfast already.
It struck Sirius that this had become something more than what James made it out to be at first: two blokes with hard ons looking to get rid of them. James had sought him out every time, and Sirius was starting to get his hopes up that this thing might just become something more.
Still, there hadn’t been any kissing.
He arrived in the common room, and all hope was dashed. James was talking to Evans, and miracle of miracles, she looked like she might be on the verge of laughing. She wasn’t scowling or frowning, like she usually did when James spoke to her. Her expression was open and vaguely amused, and he had obviously taken this as a good sign, because he was using his charming voice, and smirking in a way that was handsome and roguish, and Evans was eating it up. James reached for Lily’s hand, and she let him take it.
Sirius, thankfully, couldn’t hear the words James was saying over the roaring noise in his ears. He walked automatically to the portrait hole, and let himself out. He paused for a moment, hoping, but James didn’t follow him.
Because James likes Evans. James was arse over feet in love with Evans, and Sirius never stood a fucking chance. The sex was only convenient to James, and Sirius was furiously glad he had been so well reminded of that fact.
Now he could put a stop to it before James really broke his heart.
:: :: :: ::
The funny thing was, he didn’t have to put a stop to it, because James did it for him. James had always been the instigator, and has solved the problem by not ambushing Sirius in bathrooms, or sneaking into his four poster bed at night. Three days passed, and Sirius slept alone, and the only hand touching his cock was his own. James eased off on the flirting, and it was back to best buddies as usual, with no funny business on the side.
Sirius told himself that he was relieved.
It happened that day four fell on the day of Quidditch practice. Afterwards, Sirius was in the locker room shower, and he may possibly admit under torture that he was lingering. He had washed his hair twice, but no one needed to know that. Everyone else was gone, but James hadn’t been in for a shower yet. Sirius didn’t know why he was waiting, like something would happen if he stuck around. James had stopped, and Sirius wanted him to stop, right? So why was he trying to give fate a helping hand right now?
Sirius had no answers for himself, and soaped up his chest for the third time. When he got out of here he was going to be cleaner than he had ever been in his whole life.
There were footsteps at the entrance to the shower room, and Sirius looked over. James was there, half naked, only covered with a towel around his waist. He looked uncertain in the doorway, but also sweaty and grass stained, so he clearly had no choice but to shower. He stood there for too long, pretending like he wasn’t looking at Sirius. His eyes, unburdened with his glasses, flicked from Sirius to the opposite wall. Sirius knew James couldn’t see him very well without his glasses, and enjoyed a leisurely look up and down James’s very fit body, knowing James would be none the wiser to his ardent perusal.
“You’re being weird,” said Sirius, finally.
James looked at him, naked brown eyes blinking, and shifted his feet. “I just thought, you know, that you wanted some space.” He ruffled his hair nervously.
Sirius had no idea how he could have ever given that impression. Sirius never, ever wanted space. He wanted James to stop turning him on, but he didn’t want James to avoid him, or to even stop touching him. He knew his neediness was often over the top and blatant. Something in his expression or body language must have conveyed this. James gave an all over sigh of exasperation, and then took the shower head next to Sirius, and flicked it on. He tossed the towel on a hook, and stepped into the spray.
“Look,” said James. “I’m sorry about all of that, you know, before.”
“I could tell you weren’t really into it, and I didn’t get that at first. I’m sorry I sort of pushed you—“
Sirius made a protesting noise. “You didn’t push,” he said. “I could have made you stop. It wasn’t like—“
“I know, but—“
“I liked it, okay? I liked it a lot.”
“I know you liked it, but you didn’t want it.”
“Sirius, come on,” said James, and he made an aborted move to ruffle his hair. It was wet though, and wouldn’t ruffle. “If you’d wanted it, you could have crawled into my bed any of these last few nights, or even come into the shower in the mornings, but you didn’t.”
Sirius started, because they were naked in the shower together right now. He felt a surge of heat; something like indignation and lust, mixing together and making him insane. He didn’t like what James was saying. It felt too much like rejection. James stood there, all naked and gorgeous, and Sirius wanted. He could almost feel it when all sanity and reason flew out the window.
“I wanted it,” Sirius said, thickly.
James looked over at him, skeptical, and then his gaze drifted down. His eyebrows flicked upwards when they saw that Sirius was hard. James’s shoulders relaxed, and whatever tension he was feeling over this falls away in an instant, leaving him loose limbed and looking extremely fuckable.
“Then prove it,” said James. He looked like a challenge, smirk touching the corners of his mouth, eyes glinting with humor and lust. He was all wet and slick with water from the shower. Streams of it flowed down his chest and abs, and into the cut of his hipbones, and he was half hard already.
‘Fuck it,’ Sirius thought. ‘Fuck everything.’ But if he was going to fuck everything up, then just this once, he was going to get exactly what he wanted from James.
He stepped into James’s space, trading the stream of water from his shower head for James’s, and didn’t stop until they were touching skin. He touched James’s jaw with his fingers. James’s eyes slipped shut, like he knew what Sirius was going to do next, which was crazy, because even Sirius didn’t know if he was going to go through with it until this very moment. James obligingly parted his lips, so pink and plush, and his tongue touched his bottom lip quickly, and Sirius couldn’t help but stare. James had the most perfect mouth, and he didn’t want to miss a single moment of this. Sirius kept his eyes open until the very last second. And then, suddenly, they were kissing. It was deep and slow, and Sirius felt like wrapping James up inside himself so the kiss never had to end. But the best part, the very best part, was James was kissing back with just as much intensity. Sirius pressed into James with his whole body, and his tongue, and James arched into him, and flicked his tongue with his own, and made this deeply satisfied noise that made Sirius lose his mind.
He pressed James up into the tiles in the next moment, warm water washing over them, and he was never ever going to stop kissing James. Not ever. Not even if they needed to breathe. Fuck breathing. Fuck everything that wasn’t—
“Touch me, for fucks sake,” said James, right into his mouth, and the kiss just kept on going. Sirius took James’s hard prick in his hand, and stroked it just so, just the way James liked, because Sirius knew that now, and he will never un-know it. He knew James liked his prick squeezed with just that amount of pressure, and liked it best when his hand was just so on the head. James moaned helplessly, and bit Sirius’s bottom lip. He jerked his hips so his prick fucked Sirius’s fist, and his hands slipped on Sirius’s back, and then grabbed handfuls of his arse. James moaned, low and open mouthed, panting into Sirius’s mouth. His cock jerked, and then he came in long pulses over Sirius’s fist.
James panted, loose and useless against the wall. Sirius watched him, feeling really, astonishingly smug over being responsible for James’s state. He smirked to himself, and kissed James’s slack mouth.
Sirius released James’s prick, and grabbed his own. He moaned, and stroked himself, letting the head of his cock rub against James’s body. James blinked sleepy, satisfied eyes at him, and Sirius whined, because Merlin. That look. James started to smirk, and released one arse cheek to settle against the back of Sirius’s head instead. He guided Sirius into a kiss, and made it deep and filthy, kissing Sirius through his panting and moans. Soon, Sirius couldn’t even kiss back anymore, but that didn’t stop James, who licked into his mouth, and bit at his lip.
“Jamie,” Sirius whined, and James rumbled nonsense at him, grabbing his arse with an almost painful grip that had Sirius tipping over the edge. He came with a groan, drenching James’s hip and package with his come.
James hummed, and kissed his lax mouth.
Sirius finally relinquished James’s mouth, because he was honesty feeling a little light headed, and dropped his head into James’s shoulder. He leaned heavily against James, but he didn’t seem to mind, so Sirius wasn’t going to move until he was damn well ready.
“That’s a good boy,” said James, patting his arse. “Who’s a good dog.”
“Arsehole,” said Sirius, hiding his grin in James’s neck. He pinched James’s side, and he snickered.
“Padfoot’s a good dog, yes he is.”
“You’ve got some weird bestiality kink, don’t you?” Sirius accused.
James snickered, and his chest shook against Sirius’s. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“I want to know everything you like,” said Sirius, and then winced because that was maybe a little more honest than he safely should have been.
James smiled, very nearly sweet, and kissed him.
They finished their showers, and dressed, and then walked back up to the castle. Everything felt different, Sirius thought. He had kissed James, and James had kissed back, and it seemed like they were walking closer now, their hands brushing every now and then. James kept up a steady stream of chatter about Quidditch practice, and their chances in the next match. Sirius felt like the smile would never come off his face. He couldn’t even keep up with what James was saying, because he was too lost in his head, day dreaming about what would happen next.
They stopped outside the Fat Lady, and Sirius went to give her the password, but James stopped him with his mouth. Sirius made a surprised noise, but James just chuckled, and kissed him deeper. Just when Sirius started to get with the program, and kiss back properly, James pulled away, grinning.
He chirped the password, and went through the portrait hole, grinning over his shoulder at Sirius.
Sirius swallowed, and followed him.
:: :: :: ::
In his bed that night, everything felt different. James’s hands on him seemed like they were savoring every touch, and he kissed Sirius’s body all over. Sirius arched up into the contact, helpless, grabbing at what he could of James’s skin, before he moved to kiss another suddenly erotic patch of skin. Sirius felt, dare he even think it, loved. Like James was loving every last inch of him. Once James had wrung an orgasm from Sirius, smugly satisfied with himself, he was able to return the favor.
Sirius has never let himself be like this with James before. Before he was always holding back something of himself, but now he let it all go. He caressed James’s skin, biting, licking, and kissing everything he could get his mouth on. James gasped and writhed under his fingers and tongue, saying Sirius’s name in a wrecked voice that would cause Sirius to pop a boner every time he thought of it thereafter. He cursed and swore, and pushed into Sirius’s hands when he teased, and then he begged.
Sirius came out of his James induced trance, and found himself on his knees between James’s spread thighs. James was flushed and sweaty, gorgeous and needy. He had James’s arse on his lap, as he slid slick fingers into him.
James babbled, pleaded, “Do it, do it, do it, please, fuck, Sirius. Merlin, get in me now. Now, now, now.”
Sirius felt like his whole fucking life was leading up to this moment. He slicked his prick, and carefully, Merlin, so carefully, pushed into James’s body.
James arched off the bed with a deep moan. He grabbed onto Sirius’s arse, and pulled him in deeper. Sirius planted his face in James’s neck, gasping because he never knew sex would feel like this. This fucking amazing. The clench of James’s arse around his prick was hot and tight, and the sensations fluttered, as James tensed and relaxed muscles. Sirius got his arms under James, and held him tightly. James grabbed onto his shoulders, and fisted a hand in his hair. The sharp pain in his scalp helped him hold off from coming too quickly.
James babbled nonsense in his ear, but Sirius’s got the gist, and moved. When James seemed to like that, he thrusted again and again, until they worked out a rhythm. James pulled on his hair until he could get at Sirius’s mouth. Then they were kissing and fucking. Sirius felt like he was immersed in James, sunk into him like James was the ocean. It was wonderful and beautiful, and he had never felt so connected to anyone in his whole fucking like.
James whined, and his arse tightened up incredibly. He moaned, shuddered, and went stiff in Sirius’s arms. There was a surge of wetness on his belly, as James’s cock pulsed between them. Sirius realized he just made James come on his cock, untouched, and Sirius lost whatever shred of control he had left, rutting hard into James’s body, and then his balls tightened up, and he came in what felt like rivers into James’s arse.
He probably blacked out after, because he came to moments later, face planted in James’s neck. James’s hands swept up and down his back, and it all felt fucking amazing.
“Fuck,” he said aloud. James rumbled in agreement, and then there was shifting and wincing, and body parts were disconnected, and then they were lying down beside each other on the bed, letting the sweat cool.
Sirius closed his eyes, ready for sleep.
“I thought that would go differently,” James mused.
Sirius made a questioning noise, because he couldn’t manage words.
“I thought I’d be the one fucking you,” James said.
Sirius could feel James’s eyes on him. “Tomorrow,” he mumbled, and rolled onto James’s shoulder. It made a pretty good pillow.
James wrapped his arm over Sirius’s shoulders, and planted a kiss in his hair. Sirius smiled into his skin.
“Gonna hold you to that, Padfoot.”
Sirius would be all too happy to pay up.
:: :: :: ::
Sirius woke up in the best possible manner. James was plastered to his back, snoring hot and damp into the nape of his neck. His arm was thrown over Sirius’s side, and he held on to Sirius like he was a teddy bear. Sirius smiled into his pillow, and wiggled his arse into the cradle of James’s hips. James mumbled, dreaming probably, and yes, there was morning wood poking Sirius in the arse. James started rubbing lazily against him, and Sirius wanted to laugh, he was so happy.
Instead he took his own prick in hand, and then started to take care of it in a manner sure to wake James up. It was a bare minute later, and James’s arse rutting gained focused intent, and his hand drifted down to grab onto Sirius’s hip.
“Good morning, you horny bastard,” James slurred into his neck.
Sirius snickered, and rolled over. He kissed James, closed mouthed, because morning breath, and after a bit of maneuvering, got both their pricks in his hand, and stroked them both together. James rumbled, pleased with this turn of events. It was only minutes before they came all over each other again.
“That’s a good way to wake up,” Sirius said, and James nodded, kissing him.
Everything went pear shaped remarkably quickly.
Someone pulled the curtains from the outside. Sirius squawked, and grabbed at the sheets to cover himself and James. There was an audible pop as the silencing spell they had placed on the curtains last night fell.
Remus was suddenly asking, “Sirius, do you know where James is? His bed’s empty, and— oh.”
Remus was frozen in the act of doing up his tie, and his face was doing something complicated. It felt a bit like that time one of their pranks had backfired, and Remus found Sirius covered in pink paint and feathers, wearing nothing but his pants. Only perhaps this was worse.
“Um, never mind, Peter,” Remus said. “I found him.”
“Oh yeah? Where is he?” Peter said, voice coming from the landing outside the room. “Never mind, tell me at breakfast. I’m starving.”
“See you down there,” Remus said.
He still stood there, looking at them, like they had set his whole world on end, and he was trying to assimilate as quickly as possible. Sirius started to feel like he had been caught doing something naughty by a teacher.
“Morning, Moony,” he said instead. “Knock much?”
James snorted, and rolled out the other side of the bed, uncaring of his nakedness. He stretched his arms over his head, and Sirius couldn’t help that his eyes were drawn to James’s arse like magnets.
“What are you two doing?” Remus asked.
Sirius rolled his eyes so hard it was like his whole body rolled. “I think it’s perfectly obvious what we were—“
“Yes,” said Remus, impatiently. “But why?”
“Well,” said Sirius. “We were just—“
“Just a bit of fun,” said James. “No need to fret, Mother Wolf.”
Sirius felt a chill. Like an ice cube had slipped into his stomach, and it was slowly freezing all of his insides.
Remus scowled. “I’m not fretting. I’m just— since when do you two do,” he gestured to the bed, and Sirius’s naked, come covered state. “This?”
“Since, I dunno, a week or so?” said James. He rummaged around in his wardrobe, and came out with a set of clothes, which he tossed onto his bed.
“Are you going to keep doing it?”
“I dunno,” said James, shrugging. He picked up his wand and towel, heading for the shower. “Probably.”
“Are you boyfriends now?” asked Remus. “What about Lily?”
Sirius’s chest felt tight, and icy. He was cold down to his bones. James shrugged again, and shook his head.
“Remus, you are worrying too much about this. It’s no big deal. We’ll see you at breakfast, all right?” said James. Sirius couldn’t help but note James hadn’t given an answer about Evans.
Remus made a face, like this wasn’t over. “Fine.” He went out the door, casting dark looks at them, and the door shut behind him.
Sirius was shivering. He felt cold and terrible. His stomach was a tight mess of knots, and he couldn’t even think. How was it that just moments ago he was the happiest he had ever been, and now this? He felt like he had been pushed off an emotional cliff.
“Aren’t you coming?” said James. He stood by the bathroom door, still naked, with a towel thrown over his shoulder. He raised his eyebrows at Sirius.
Sirius nodded. “In a minute.”
James shrugged again. “Suit yourself. I’ll get started without you.” He disappeared into the bathroom, and Sirius stayed in bed. His fingers clenched in the sheets, and he felt suddenly like crying.
He had thought… well. It didn’t matter what he had thought. He was clearly wrong. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, but the shower turned on and off in the time he did, and James wandered out of the bathroom freshly clean, toweling his hair dry.
“What’s wrong with you?” asked James. “You missed sexy shower time, and now we’re going to be late to breakfast.”
“Right,” said Sirius, and got out of bed. He didn’t quite know how he managed it, but he got ready for class. He had a short shower, then brushed his teeth, and brushed his hair. He left the tower with James dressed properly, though his tie was undone. They stopped by the Great Hall to grab slices of toast, and then rushed to their first class.
Sirius stood in the hall outside of the Defense classroom with James, and ate his toast automatically. They were somewhat early for class, despite the late start. He watched as James finished his toast, and then cleaned his fingers. James’s eyes caught on Sirius’s undone tie, and he immediately moved to fix it. His fingers touched Sirius’s chest, and suddenly he couldn’t stand to have James touching him.
“I got it,” Sirius said, stilling James’s fingers.
“It’ll only take a second,” said James.
Sirius shook his head, and moved away. “I got it.” He left the line, and headed to the nearest boys restroom where he could do his tie in front of a mirror.
James might have called after him, but Sirius had to get away. He needed just a second alone to think.
He was in the bathroom for a mere thirty seconds before James barged in after him. No time to think, but at least his tie was done.
“What’s wrong with you?” asked James.
Sirius frowned, and noticed his face in the mirror. He looked pretty angry, actually. And then he realized what he’s feeling now was anger. At James.
“Are you pissed Remus caught us?”
“No,” said Sirius.
“I thought—“ he began, but then realized he couldn’t finish that sentence without ruining everything. He couldn’t tell James he thought they were turning into something more. Something more like boyfriends. He couldn’t tell James he thought… because that would ruin everything. Their friendship would never survive that revelation.
“Sirius, for fucks sake, just tell me what the matter is!”
James frowned, and he looked rumpled and irritated, like a cat who has had its fur petted the wrong way.
“I can’t do this anymore,” said Sirius. “We can’t do the fucking thing anymore.”
“What?” said James. He looked shocked, like Sirius just told him that he was in love with Snape.
“It’s not working for me,” said Sirius.
“It seemed to be working just fine for you last night, arsehole,” said James, anger replacing confusion with lightning speed.
“It’s a bad idea, James. We can’t do it anymore.”
James screwed up his face, and he looked for an instant like he might hex Sirius.
“Fuck you, Padfoot,” he said instead, and then stalked out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him so hard it rattled the walls.
:: :: :: ::
They didn’t speak to each other for two days. Two of the longest days of Sirius’s life.
Remus kept making faces like he knew this was going to happen, and he was annoyed he even had to deal with the pair of them. Peter was oblivious, as per usual.
James wasn’t speaking to him. He sat beside Peter at mealtimes and during classes, all while Remus rolled his eyes at the change in seating arrangements.
“You have to fix this,” Remus hissed at Sirius.
“I did fix it,” Sirius said, sullen. “It was a bad idea, you were right, and I put a stop to it.”
“I never said it was a bad idea,” said Remus.
“You thought it,” said Sirius. “Loudly.”
“Because it is a bad idea, Sirius. It’s a terrible idea. I have no idea what the two of you are thinking. But it’s better than this!”
“You think we should just casually fuck?”
“Nothing about the two of you is casual. You’re best friends. I don’t think James would have stopped speaking to you if he didn’t care one way or the other.”
“But Evans. He loves Evans.”
Remus stared at him. “Sirius, do you love him?”
Sirius winced, and looked away, which was answer enough.
“Does James know you love him?”
“No,” said Sirius. “And he’s not going to. If he knew I had feelings like this, then it would ruin everything.”
“It’s already ruined, Sirius,” said Remus. “You have to tell him the truth.”
“What difference does it make? This will blow over, and we will get back to being just friends, and someday James will marry Evans, and they’ll have babies, and be happy for ever after, and that will suck hairy balls, but at least I’ll still be his friend.”
Remus shook his head. “The way this fight is going, I doubt that. James is really hurt!”
“The way he tells it, you fucked him, and then in the morning you decided you were done with him.”
“What?” said Sirius, feeling gut punched. “That’s not what happened at all!” Though he supposed from James’s perspective, it could look like that. From that perspective, Sirius looked like a major arsehole. Sirius squirmed uncomfortably. In his version of events, he was the heartbroken one. But maybe he wasn’t alone in that?
“Then will you please, for Merlin’s sake, talk to him? He’s supposed to be your best friend.”
Sirius looked at his hands while Remus glared him into submission. He eventually agreed, and regretted it instantly when Remus shoved him towards the common room, where James was waiting.
:: :: :: ::
James was lying on the sofa in the common room, glaring at the fire. If it wasn’t already in on fire, Sirius thought it would have burst into flames, just to suit James’s dark mood. The rest of the common room was at the usual level of bustle for that time of the evening. Sirius took a very deep breath at the door, and ignored how his hands shook, and how the icy feeling crept from his stomach up his spine. He marched over to the sofa, and sat down cross legged next to it, right next to James’s head.
James transferred his glare from the fire to Sirius. “What?” he asked, shortly.
“I’m sorry,” said Sirius.
“Did Remus finally persuede you to say that?” asked James, snottily.
Sirius sighed, but it was more of a growl. “Yes, but I mean it. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
James looked away into the fire. “You didn’t hurt my feelings. My feelings are untouched. We were just fucking around.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
Sirius nodded, and looked at his hands. “You might have just been fucking around, but I wasn’t.”
James’s head snapped to look at him. “Go on.”
“Don’t make me say it,” whined Sirius.
“Go. On,” he said, pointed and dangerous.
Sirius sighed. “It was never just about fun or fucking around for me. It meant something.”
“What did it mean?”
“Sirius, you fucked me. That was my very first time letting someone do that do me, which you knew, and then the next morning you broke up with me with no fucking explanation, so you’d better fucking well explain yourself now.”
“We weren’t really together though,” said Sirius.
James looked furious, and started to get off the sofa. Sirius got on his knees, and pushed James’s shoulders back down to the sofa cushions.
“Listen to me,” said Sirius urgently.
“If you’re going to tell me we weren’t— whatever we were, then forget hexes, I’m just going to punch you in the nose.”
“But you weren’t,” said Sirius. “You said, over and over, it was just a bit of fun. Convenient. Just fucking around. And for me, it wasn’t any of that. It meant something to me. It meant—“ He trailed off, and looked away from James’s intense stare.
“Finish your sentence, Padfoot.”
“It meant more.”
“I have feelings that aren’t exactly platonic, okay?”
“Like, sexy feelings? Because I thought that was obvious.”
“Like… the other kind of feelings.”
“Sirius, for Merlin’s sake.”
“I love you.”
There was perfect, awful silence.
“You…” James blinked at him.
“Oh. And you thought…”
“You love Evans.”
James’s breath caught, and he looked like everything made sense to him now. “You think I still love Lily,” he said, shaking his head. “You perfect idiot.”
James grabbed Sirius’s arm and shoulder, and pulled until he was on the sofa with James, lying together like they did that first time, face to face.
“I don’t love Lily,” said James.
“You flirt with her all of the time.”
James’s face did something complicated. “It’s just habit, you know, with Lily. I didn’t think you would care anyway.”
Sirius averted his eyes. “I guess I do.”
“I don’t love her,” said James. “Not anymore. Things have been different since we started this. And three days ago, when we kissed…”
James looked at Sirius’s mouth, and then touched his lower lip with his fingers. He drew them away before Sirius could do anything dumb, like kiss them. “When we kissed, everything changed.”
“You felt that too?”
James looked at him like he was an idiot. “Yes, Sirius, for Merlin’s sake, we fucked. I wouldn’t have done that before… but everything was different after that, and then…”
“I fucked it up.”
“Yes, you did. But I think it would have been okay if we’d talked about how things had changed before Remus found us, and started asking questions we hadn’t discussed the answers to. I was going to talk to you about it later, but then…”
“I was an arsehole.”
James nodded. “You’re good at that.”
“I fuck things up.”
James nodded. “Yeah, you do.”
Sirius made a face. “You’re supposed to comfort me.”
“Yeah? Is that what a good boyfriend would do?”
Sirius stilled. “Boyfriend?”
“I think that’s what people call this. Two boys who fuck, and also… love each other.”
“I,” said James, nodding and smirking a bit. “I love you, you great big moron.”
Sirius smiled, he couldn’t help it, not one bit, and kissed James, right there on the sofa in the common room, in front of anyone who wanted to look over and see. James huffed a laugh into his mouth, and kissed back. Sirius shoved closer, aligning hips and thighs. James grabbed a handful of his arse, and pulled them into perfect position. Sirius bit back a whimper, and threaded his fingers in James’s hair, so he could guide his face to where he wanted it, and kissed him very, very thoroughly.
They were interrupted by a shadow falling over them, in the shape of Lily Evans.
“Could you two make out upstairs?” said Lily. “Please, save everyone’s eyes from this. No one wants to see you grabbing Black’s arse, Potter.”
Sirius grinned. “Get used to it, Evans,” he said. “James is my boyfriend now.”
Lily stood over them, arms crossed and tapping one foot. “Gross,” she said. “Though who else would have either of you?”
“Bugger off, Evans,” said James. “I’m trying to get my game on, and you’re killing the mood.”
“I see any hands going anywhere inappropriate I’ll douse you both in frigid water.”
“Get your spell ready,” dared Sirius, and moved his hand from James’s hair to slide down under the waistband of his trousers, and squeezed. James snickered, and wiggled closer.
Lily sighed, long suffering, and walked away. Sirius had no doubt she would make good on her threat though, and decided they should take this upstairs.
“As much as I’d love to mess with Lily,” said James, “I’d rather have you naked. Lets go up to the room. You owe me a fuck.”
Sirius grinned. “I can’t wait to pay up.”