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it was never my l’manberg

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Tommy gripped his bag tightly, fingers shaking.

 

i hate it here, i’m tired of this bullshit, i hate everyone, i hate everything, it’s all fucking bullshit, i hate it here, i’m tired of it all. i’m so tired.

 

his own best friend, his tubbo! turning against him. all of his friends turning against after a silly little prank. they called him irresponsible, reprimanded him saying his actions had consequences. as if he didn’t already know that.

 

he remembered a time, long ago where he didn’t have to worry so much. it was just him, tubbo and wilbur in the early days of the war. he remembers building the first original walls of l’manberg while talking to wilbur. he remembers when wilbur first showed him the camarvan, and how they planned their very own breaking bad-esque drug empire.

 

he remembers when he was younger, just a kid being a kid with his brothers techno and wilbur, and whenever he fell over or got hurt, his dad phil was always there to pick him up again.

 

he misses the days when he could just be. he didn’t have the pressures of war, or being a vice president of a whole entire nation. back when he could pull of pranks and not get fucking exiled for them.

 

tommy furiously wiped at his eyes. no, he would not   cry, he wasn’t some child he was- he was- he was just a child though.

 

the others seemed to forget that he was only 16 half of the time. sure they bullied him for it when it was convenient, but they showed little to no care about recklessly throwing a teenager into the ways of war and revolution.

 

wilbur, he understood though. at first they had started l’manberg together to have a place to call home. the first war wasn’t even too bad. sure eret, someone he considered his friend, someone had trusted entirely betrayed them but that was fine! they won anyways.

 

the election had been so fun at first too! they were able to campaign, and he had even gotten an endorsement from vikkstar! but then schlatt, someone he had idolised and looked up to almost his entire life, someone he thought he had pulled onto his side decided run against him. and just after he thought he had won, everything he had worked and fought for crumbled around him.

 

he had been in exile with wilbur. the first few weeks were tough sure, but they kept their spirits up and worked hard. he had his best friend tubbo as a spy on the inside! it was like something from a movie. and if he had to bear with sleeping in a cold and empty ravine then it was something he could deal with.

 

but then wilbur started to change. he grew insane, each day becoming crazier and crazier. however his big brother technoblade came to save the day! it was almost like the old days again when they were all kids, but times had changed. it seemed that both his brothers had changed bordering onto insanity, and he was stuck alone with tubbo in the midst of it all.

 

but things had started to look up again. maybe that’s where it all went wrong, when he actually had hope. it was like the old days, they all went off into yet another battle. tommy, wilbur, tubbo, techno, fundy, niki, quackity and the rest. they had a plan to overthrow schlatt and take back his home!

 

and when word of a traitor got out and everyone stopped trusting him, afraid that it was him all along he didn’t care, he knew that at the end of the day he could trust himself and he knew he could trust his friends.

 

perhaps he took it too lightly. trust.

 

his own brothers were the traitors. wilbur had planned to blow up l’manberg anyways. his   l’manberg. he never got the chance to blow up tommy’s l’manberg though, that was something that tubbo got the joy of experiencing.

 

his other brother had said something to him as he built the withers, creatures of pure destruction. it was a story, much like the ones he had told tommy as a kid, but this one was different.

 

his own brother told him to die.

 

“do you want to be a hero tommy?

 

then die like one

 

he pretended that the words didn’t hurt. that after all the withers were killed, and everyone slowly began cleaning up the crater, after seeing his own father plunge his sword into his wilbur’s lifeless body that everything was fine. he joined tubbo and jokingly filled the painful silence.

 

now here he stood, unsure of how this had all happened so fast. his head was still rushing from the day’s events and his eyes were watering. it was so overwhelming and as the others yelled at him to control himself he found it hard to word that he couldn’t. he couldn’t tell the truth in the court room, he couldn’t even properly defend himself and instead this was his consequence.

 

yes his actions had consequences. he fucking knew that. but he never expected this.

 

dream was an awful person, that was known from the start, and the way he completely overreacted   about what had happened to george’s house proved it even further. the way he taunted tommy as his sentence was given, the way not even tubbo, his best friend from the beginning defended him. it was obvious that he was alone. in the country he had founded in hopes to have a safe place to call home he was no longer wanted. he didn’t want to drag ranboo into this whole mess with him, he was only new and deserved a fair chance. he should’ve never brought him into this mess in the first place.

 

maybe he shouldn’t have argued back, maybe he should have stayed quiet and let quackity speak, maybe then he’d be able to stay in his home. he was fine with not being vice president anymore, he didn’t even care about titles. but when dream mentioned his discs, the very items he had given up for this nation to exist, and when tubbo hesitated - he couldn’t stay quiet. he really couldn’t. but he hadn’t shut up. and now, declared by president tubbo, he was exiled from l’manberg.

 

he stepped out of the obsidian walls dream had built during his fucking toddler tantrum. he didn’t want to see tubbo or anyone else from the smp and he was sure they didn’t want to see him either.

 

with one last glance over what once was his home, wilbur’s unfinished symphony, and tubbo’s unfulfilled prophecy he sighed. he was alone again.

 

he wondered what wilbur would think of him. he had no clue where ‘ghostbur’ was, he never seemed to show up during important moments anyways. only the unwanted ones.

 

he began to walk. to where? he didn’t know, but he had to leave. he went away from l’manberg and dream smp. he went beyond pogtopia, the echos of a time none of them we’re fond of.

 

he walked and walked and walked until his feet were aching, and exhausted he leant against a tree. he sat down at the base of its trunk, surveying the area for any threats. he was always on high alert these days, and all he had wanted was a bit of fun again. look where that got him.

 

he looked to his right and saw a small river worm it’s way in-between trees, where fish and wildlife were tottering about.

 

he leant his head back and shut his eyes softly. he felt his cheeks grow wet, when did he start crying? it was all too much sometimes, the pressure of everything. he had always been that way since he was a kid. he’d ignore all his problems and push through it, he’d be louder than his worries and brighter than the dark. but when it got too much he’d spill over. his emotions would overflow and he’d feel nothing more than a child. fuck. he was still a child.

 

“t-tommy?”

 

he shot upwards, frantically rubbing his eyes as a voice sounded out. he didn’t want anyone to see him like this.

 

he turned his head around to meet the culprit and sighed.

 

“tommy? what- why are you so far away from l’manberg”

 

ghostbur looked down at him with an emotion in his gaze that tommy didn’t recognise. the ghost seemed to think for a moment before floating down  onto the ground beside tommy.

 

“perfect timing for you to show up wilbur, you never miss on the timing you know?” he laughed bitterly.

 

ghostbur looked confused, he almost always did. “sorry? i-“

 

“can you just drop the act already? you constantly go around pretending as if you’re innocent, saying you don’t remember anything as if it isn’t obvious enough. you were a pretty shitty person will, we don’t want you around!”

 

ghostbur sat in silence, taking his words in. tommy held back his tongue, closing his eyes once again. he might have gone too far but he didn’t care.

 

they sat in silence together for a minute before ghostbur began to speak.

 

“tommy, i- listen. i know that what past me may have done was awful, trust me i’ve heard and seen it. and on his behalf i’m sorry, i really am. but i’m not that same wilbur. i can’t ever imagine hurting you or anyone else tommy. i care so much about all of you and it sucks so much to see everyone in l’manberg hurting because of me.  i don’t know why or how i’m here, and i’m not asking for all of you to forgive me, trust me, i sure as hell don’t forgive me. but i’m just asking you to give me a chance. i may not be the wilbur that hurt you but i am still your wilbur. i remember all of our good memories together! i- i remember starting our l’manberg, and all of the fun times we had together as kids. you’re my little brother tommy, and i want to be here for you, even if it isn’t in an alive form.”

 

if tommy wasn’t crying before he definitely was now. his shoulders shuddered and he curled up, burying his head in his knees.

 

“wilbur, wil- things are so bad right now” sobs wracked through him as the ghost leant towards him in an effort of comfort.

 

“they kicked me out- they said i was irresponsible and didn’t- didn’t understand that my actions have consequences. tubbo  kicked me out”

 

the ghost then embraced him and although it was cold, it was comforting, it felt as if his brother was really there.

 

“tommy- oh toms, shh it’s okay. i promise it will be okay.” the two sat together by the river and took solace in each other’s company.

 

tommy leant into the ghost of his brother’s embrace, as they slowly rocked backwards and forwards. ghostbur was murmuring sweet reassurances as he carded his fingers through the younger’s hair

 

when tommy had finally calmed himself down he hesitantly looked to the ghost beside him. “i’m sorry about what i said, i didn’t mean it”

 

ghostbur leant forward and ruffled his hair like he did when they were younger, “don’t worry about it. it doesn’t matter,”

 

when the sun set wilbur helped tommy build himself a shelter. “they‘ll all pay for this, hurting you.” he murmurs as he chopped down and oak tree.

 

tommy shook his head.

 

“i’m not bothering with them anymore. they made it obvious that i wasn’t wanted will, i’m not going to fight for a country that doesn’t want me anymore.”

 

ghostbur began to place blocks as tommy continued.

 

“i miss the times before the election, you remember those right?” ghostbur nodded.

 

“honestly after the election is where everything went downhill, before the election - back when it was your l’manberg wilbur, that was the only time it ever felt like home you know?” he made a noise of agreement.

 

tommy paused what he was doing.

 

“i don’t think it was ever my l’manberg wilbur.” the ghost tilted his head at him in question.

 

“what do you mean?”

 

“well, initially it was your l’manberg, even if it was our home, it was technically yours, however that’s the closest it’s ever felt to being mine.”

 

“after the election, it wasn’t our l’manberg anymore, it’s was schlatt’s and he basically ruined it,” ghostbur tried to follow along, though his memory seems to weaken when he tried to remember.

 

“then, when we got it back it became tubbo’s l’manberg. and while it was doing great it wasn’t the same. he gave me all these responsibilities and he was always busy with other people.” he froze for a second.

 

“i don’t think i quite fit in tubbo’s l’manberg.” wilbur immediately let out reassurances trying to disprove that statement.

 

“no- no, i don’t mean in it a bad way, it’s just that i’ve been thinking lately. i think techno may have been right about what he said. not about the whole me being like that theseus dude, cause i am a good guy! but governments never truly worked in l’manberg.” ghostbur, although not fully understanding due to his very large gaps in memory, made a noise of disagreement.

 

“but you said yourself that when i was president it was a good l’manberg?” tommy shook his head.

 

“i said that i felt at home, but that was before all the wars and stupid fights. l’manberg wasn’t honestly good. we basically tried to have an election that only we could win so we could have more power. and once we lost that power...”

 

tommy trailed off, looking at his now finished temporary shelter.

 

“all of the governments have had faults, which is what technoblade said, and each president has had the same thing happen to them, they go mad with power and once the lose that power they turn ‘evil’.”

 

he met ghostbur’s gaze. “it’s already happening to tubbo.”

 

“power changes people.”

 

ghostbur climbed inside the shelter with tommy.

 

“so are you saying that you side with techno?” tommy shook his head.

 

“i don’t believe in chaos, but i think i side with his” he waved his arm “ideals and stuff”.

 

ghostbur nodded, and began to hum a small tune as tommy crept into the bed he had made. ghosts can’t sleep, so he would be on lookout duty. he had no clue what he was looking out for but he wanted to and would do anything he could to make up for what past wilbur did to his little brother.