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the sting of intimacy

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Mildred closes her eyes as the steady stream of hot water hits her face.

She breathes in damp, fresh air, droplets of water slipping down her naked body and refreshing her. Perhaps the water is a little too hot. Her skin is turning pink, but the sting of heat is pleasant, and she sighs gratefully.

Mexico is... well, Mexico feels like a dream. Long, hot days by the sea merge into one, just one lovely day of kisses and soft touches and murmured words that mean everything, everything to Mildred. She never thought that she could have anything like this. To open up to someone is truly incredible, but to be loved in her entirety? She thought it was impossible. And yet it isn’t.

Mildred is loved, here. Oh, yes, the fear never goes away. But it fades in the face of Gwendolyn’s bright smile. Sometimes she even forgets about the past, about Edmund, about the hospital. Sometimes all she can see is the sparkle in Gwendolyn’s eyes.

She runs her hands through her wet hair, the stream of water soothing the slight tension in her bones.

“Knock, knock.” A warm voice says, from behind the bathroom door.

Amused, Mildred smiles.

“It’s open.”

The door clicks open and Gwendolyn steps inside.  She comes to lean against the wall by the shower, and Mildred pulls back the curtain. Gwendolyn is only wearing her dressing gown. Her soft blonde hair is tucked behind her ear and there’s a gentle smile on her face.

“Well,” Gwendolyn breathes, her eyes dragging over Mildred’s body. She raises an eyebrow, her smile twitching into a bigger one, and Mildred flushes. “Look at you.“

“Do you mind?” Mildred smiles, “I’m trying to shower.”

Gwendolyn hums.

“Am I not allowed to watch?”

“Haven’t you got anything better to do?”

“No.” Gwendolyn smiles, “Not at all.”

“You’re insatiable.”

“I know. You know I can’t resist you.” Gwendolyn says. Mildred meets her eyes for a second, caught in Gwendolyn’s lovely, adoring gaze, before looking away shyly.

She feels exposed, and vulnerable, with nothing but streams of water to hide her body. Mildred looks down at the shower floor, where water is draining away, and she can feel Gwendolyn’s eyes boring into her.

“You’re beautiful.” Gwendolyn murmurs. Mildred turns away from her to face the wall, embarrassed. “Would you like me to leave?”

“I...” Mildred still struggles to speak, sometimes, old fears closing her mouth whenever Gwendolyn gets too close. “Do you want to wash my hair?”

Mildred hears happiness in Gwendolyn’s voice when she replies.

“I’d love nothing more.”

There’s a rustle as Gwendolyn pulls down her dressing gown and steps into the shower. It seems warmer in the small space now, though the temperature hasn’t changed. Mildred doesn’t turn, but she can smell her lover. She’s perfume and low sun and wine.

Gwendolyn steps towards her, and there’s a shock of cold when she begins to run the shampoo through Mildred’s hair. Her fingers aren’t quite gentle as they thread through Mildred’s hair.

“Does it feel alright?”

Mildred hums. It feels perfect, she thinks.

“How was your day, darling?” Gwendolyn asks.

“You were there.” Mildred laughs.

“I know. But I thought- Well. It sounds like something a normal couple would talk about, doesn’t it?”

“It does.” Mildred shivers when Gwendolyn’s nails scrape against her scalp. “Oh.”

“Did you like that?” Gwendolyn murmurs. She repeats the motion, and a noise catches in the back of Mildred’s throat. “I really do love it when I discover something new about you.”

Mildred doesn’t reply, just savours the feeling of Gwendolyn washing her hair as the warm water falls over them.

When she’s done, Gwendolyn moves Mildred’s hair away from the back of her neck and kisses the skin there. Gentle, tender. Mildred loses her breath.

“I meant it, you know.” Gwendolyn says, “You really are beautiful, Mildred.”

Gwendolyn presses another kiss to the back of her neck, then her left shoulder, then her right one. Mildred let’s out a fluttering sigh.

“You shouldn’t flatter me.” Mildred says, her voice cracking. Truth be told it moves her to hear Gwendolyn compliment her like this, to have the woman’s full attention, her admiration.

“Is that what I was doing?” Gwendolyn’s arms wrap around her back, her palms against Mildred’s stomach. Mildred’s hands rise to rest on top of them. “Is it so wrong of me to adore you?”

“No.” Mildred murmurs. “No, I suppose not.”

She gives in and steps backwards into Gwendolyn’s embrace, tilting her head backwards so that the back of it is pressed against Gwendolyn’s shoulder. It’s easy access for Gwendolyn to lean down and kiss her bare neck, her lips warm and insistent. Gwendolyn’s teeth scrape across her skin, and Mildred lets out a shaky breath.

“What are you doing?” Mildred asks. Gwendolyn smiles against her neck.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“God, no.”

Gwendolyn sucks at her neck, and Mildred closes her eyes. Her stomach flutters when Gwendolyn’s hands untangle from hers and drag up her stomach to take her breasts in her hands. She squeezes them gently.

“I love to touch you.” Gwendolyn whispers, her thumb running over one of Mildred’s nipples. “You’re so...”

Gwendolyn kisses behind Mildred’s ear and twists one of her nipples between her fingers. Often, her touches aren’t so gentle, but Mildred loves it. There are soft kisses, of course, but then there is the lovely sting of pain that makes Mildred wet and needy.

“Tell me what what you want.” Gwendolyn says.

“My hair.” Mildred manages to say. Admissions are still rough for her, secrets a vulnerability she  isn’t used to yet, but with Gwendolyn she feels safe. “I like it when you- when you touch my hair.”

“Oh darling.” One of Gwendolyn’s hands tangles in Mildred’s short hair. “Like this?”

“Harder.” Mildred murmurs. Gwendolyn let’s out a surprise breath, and then tugs at her hair, pulling Mildred’s neck backwards. Mildred moans.

“Ah.” Gwendolyn says in her ear, a hot breath against her skin. “I see.”

She pulls again, harder this time, and a wave of pleasure passes over Mildred. Her scalp stings in a glorious way.

“Mildred.” Gwendolyn breathes. Mildred can’t see her face, but she can hear the awe and surprise in her voice. “You like it rough, don’t you?”

Mildred nods, just slightly.

“Sometimes.” Mildred breathes, “The pain is just so- Oh.”

Gwendolyn has fisted her hand in Mildred’s hair, and Mildred moans again and leans into her more.

“Can I touch you?” Gwendolyn breathes.

“You already are.” Mildred manages to say.

“You know what I mean.”

Ah. Mildred nods again, her heart racing in her ears. Gwendolyn’s grip on her hair is still tight as her other hand wanders down the front of Mildred’s body. Her hands brush over her the top of Mildred’s thighs, achingly soft.

“Please.” Mildred whispers.

“What did you say?”

“Please.” Mildred pleads, louder.

Gwendolyn laughs and pushes Mildred further against the wall, the grip on her Mildred’s becoming tighter. Her hand slips between Mildred’s thighs and brushes against her wetness.

“Darling.” Gwendolyn says, her voice dark and heavy.

Her fingers run over Mildred’s pussy, warm and insistent. She teases her, brushing against her clit just slightly before moving away again, and Mildred gasps.

More.” She says.

“And I thought I was the impatient one.” Gwendolyn chuckles, her chest vibrating against Mildred’s back.

She concedes, though, and rubs Mildred’s clit at a steady pace. It makes Mildred melt and grow wetter.

“Does it feel good?” Gwendolyn whispers. “It does, doesn’t it?”

“Yes.” Mildred says, her breath hitching.

“Tell me what you want.”

Mildred gasps out a moan as Gwendolyn’s fingers move faster. Pleasure builds in her stomach and intensifies when Gwendolyn pulls at her hair again and bites mercilessly at the skin on her shoulder.

“Fuck me.” She manages to say, and Gwendolyn is the one to moan this time, her rhythm wavering for a moment.

She raises her fingers to Mildred’s mouth. Mildred takes them, swirls her tongue around them and bites at them, and Gwendolyn hums.

“As you wish.” She says, and presses a finger inside of Mildred.

It’s full and warm, but it isn’t uncomfortable like it had been with a man. Mildred is so wet that Gwendolyn’s finger slides in and out easily, slowly at first, pressing deep inside to find the spot that will make Mildred groan when Gwendolyn touches it.

“More?” Gwendolyn asks. Mildred nods.

Gwendolyn inserts another finger, and it’s a pleasantly full feeling. She shudders as Gwendolyn moves in, and out, slowly as Mildred adjusts to two fingers.

“Ah.” Mildred moans. “More.”

“Darling.” Gwendolyn smiles against her neck.

“More.” Mildred says, louder and darker, and Gwendolyn grins and fits another finger inside of her.

It’s achingly full now, almost painful, and Mildred’s hips twitch as she tries to force Gwendolyn to go deeper inside of her. Gwendolyn moves slowly, but Mildred shakes her head.


Gwendolyn submits, thrusting her fingers deeper and faster. It feels so good, but it isn’t enough.

“Harder.” Mildred moans, “Please.”

“Jesus, Mildred.” Gwendolyn’s heart is pounding against her back. She fucks Mildred harder, hard enough that it stings, and Mildred’s pleasure mixes with pain. It’s the most arousing feeling.

“Gwendolyn.” Mildred sighs, her legs trembling, “Kiss me.”

Gwendolyn tugs Mildred’s neck back by her hair and captures Mildred’s mouth with her own. Their tongues are warm and sweet, and when Gwendolyn bites her lip Mildred presses closer to her and gasps against her mouth.

“I’m going to...” Mildred shudders, as Gwendolyn thrusts into that sweet spot over and over again.

“Oh, darling.” Gwendolyn sighs, “You’re so beautiful.”

“I love you.” Mildred moans, and her pussy tightens, and she comes around Gwendolyn’s hands.

There’s a lovely moment where they just breathe together under the shower. Gwendolyn slips her fingers out of Mildred and presses her face against Mildred’s shoulder for a moment, breathing her in, damp skin and sex and warmth.

Then Mildred flips them around, so that Gwendolyn is against the wall and they’re facing each other. Mildred loses her breath as she looks at Gwendolyn’s flushed cheeks, and cups her chin with her hand.

“Look at you.” Gwendolyn murmurs, her fingers ghosting over Mildred’s jawline.

Mildred kisses her, softer this time, pouring her gratitude and love into the kiss. Her thumb runs over Gwendolyn’s cheeks. When they pull apart, she tucks a strand of hair behind Gwendolyn’s ear with a sweet smile.

“My turn.” Mildred says. Her eyes flicker to Gwendolyn’s mouth and she kisses her again, wrapping her arms around Gwendolyn’s shoulders and pushing her further against the wall.

“Darling.” Gwendolyn breathes shakily against her lips. “I need you.”

“Patience.” Mildred smiles, kisses her again, deep and lovely under the stream of water.

Then Mildred falls to her knees. She kisses the inside of Gwendolyn’s thigh, her lips warm against the stretch marks and wrinkles. Gwendolyn’s hands tangle in her hair again.

“I’ve never done this before.” Mildred murmurs, against her skin.

“You don’t have to.” Gwendolyn says softly, stroking Mildred’s hair.

“But I want to.” Mildred smiles, wicked, and drags her teeth along Gwendolyn’s skin. “I want to taste you.”

“Are you sure?” Gwendolyn breathes. Mildred looks up at her through her lashes, and Gwendolyn looks down, her face softening when she sees the love and lust in Mildred’s eyes.

“Close your eyes.” Mildred says. Watches as Gwendolyn’s eyes flutter shut and she tilts her head against the shower wall. “I’m going to make you feel good.” 

She presses another kiss to the inside of Gwendolyn’s thigh before rising up to press a gentle kiss to the outside of her pussy. The wetness there is tart and sweet.

“Oh,” Mildred smiles, “You’re so wet for me.”

She’s cautious at first, touching Gwendolyn’s clit with her tongue just gently before moving away again. She tastes teasingly, soft and almost unreal, and Gwendolyn tugs at her hair as if to say, stop teasing.

“You’re the devil.” Gwendolyn sighs.

“Patience.” Mildred says.

She takes Gwendolyn’s clit in her mouth and gently sucks at it, pressing her tongue against it. She delights at how Gwendolyn shudders and twitches instinctively, drawing small circles with her tongue on the sensitive spot. Her scalp stings when Gwendolyn pulls tighter on her hair.

“Darling, please.”

Mildred ignores her and licks and sucks at her wetness. She experiments, scraping her teeth across Gwendolyn’s clit, and oh. Gwendolyn definitely liked that. When Mildred looks up her head is titled back against the shower wall, a dark flush climbing up her neck.

“Oh.” Mildred moans, as she buries her face in Gwendolyn’s pussy and licks at it. This is where she’s meant to be. “You feel so good.”

“Mildred.” Gwendolyn gasps. “Mildred, look at me.”

She fists her hand tightly in Mildred’s hair and yanks her head away. Mildred meets her dark gaze - Gwendolyn’s cheeks are flushed, her eyes shining, and she’s breathing heavily. Completely and utterly beautiful. Mildred licks her lips that still taste of Gwendolyn and hold the stare.

Gwendolyn pulls her upwards by her hair and kisses her deeply, pressing her hard against the wall by her shoulders and devouring her mouth.

“I wasn’t finished.” Mildred gasps, her voice fading into a moan when Gwendolyn’s nails scrape down her back. There’ll be a mark. Mildred hopes she draws blood. “Can you taste yourself?”

Mildred smiles when she feels wetness against her thigh. She pushes her thigh upwards into Gwendolyn’s pussy and delights when Gwendolyn rocks against her.

“You’ve ruined me.” Gwendolyn shudders, thrusting against her thigh. She scratches Mildred’s back again, harder this time, and  God , it stings . This time Mildred feels the wetness of blood on her skin. She smiles and pushes her thigh deeper into Gwendolyn as she fucks it.

Gwendolyn kisses her, her nails dragging along Mildred’s neck, her teeth sharp against Mildred’s lips. The pain is exquisite and Mildred she thinks orgasm against just from the feeling of hurt, of Gwendolyn’s lips.

Mildred’s holds Gwendolyn as she fucks her thigh, wetness sliding across skin as the shower runs. When Gwendolyn throws her head back and moans and comes, it’s lovely. Mildred wants to remember it forever.

“Fuck.” Gwendolyn breathes. She kisses Mildred messily and collapses against her, her hands fluttering over Mildred’s shoulders.

Mildred chuckles. She takes Gwendolyn’s face in her hands and presses their foreheads together.

“You’re bleeding.” Gwendolyn says, frowning as she touches the scratches on Mildred’s back. Mildred tries to kiss her frown away, running her thumbs soothingly over Gwendolyn’s cheeks.

“Good.” Mildred murmurs. “I don’t mind it- I... I like it. I like how it hurts.”

“Oh.” Gwendolyn presses a hand over one of Mildred’s, her palm warm and soft and damp. “You...?”

“Do you like it?” Mildred asks. She nuzzles her nose against Gwendolyn’s cheeks. “Hurting me, I mean. It’s alright if not, I just...”

“I have to admit.” Gwendolyn smiles. “There’s something exquisite about watching you like that. Something... exciting.”

Mildred kisses her sweetly, glad to be understood. Their skin is growing dry from the shower, but all Mildred cares about is this miraculous moment.

“I love you.” Mildred whispers, and tucks her face into Gwendolyn’s shoulder. “Promise me this will never end.”

Gwendolyn sighs and wraps her arms around Mildred’s back, hugging her tightly.

“I promise.” She murmurs. “Darling, darling, I love you.”