Sirius can’t stop staring at Remus.
The boy’s hair was all mussed up from oversleeping and his tie was loosened, as he had just run down from the Gryffindor dormitory. The four of them had stayed up the whole night, telling jokes and planning their next big prank. Ok, well, really James and Remus had been joking, Peter had been attempting to finish his Charms essay, and Sirius was thinking about how gorgeous Remus looked.
The more things changed, right?
When James, Sirius, and Peter had made their way down to breakfast earlier, knowing better than to wake their resident werewolf from a peaceful sleep not quite two days after a full moon. But Sirius is almost regretting not dealing with an angry, tired Remus, if he was now going to be assaulted with tired, scruffy Remus.
Sirius had been saying something before Remus sat down next to him, he was sure of it. But once Remus appeared, the story died on Sirius’s lips. James rambled on and Evans was rolling her eyes, but all Sirius could do was gaze longingly at his best friend taking tiny nibbles of a pumpkin muffin.
Peter looked at Sirius sympathetically, which Sirius couldn’t deny made him feel a little furious. He hated being pitied, and by Peter no less. But Sirius had to admit that deep down, he knew Peter was right. Remus was perfect and kind and smart and funny, and Sirius was a fuckup who’d been kicked out of his household at the ripe age of fifteen.
Honestly, he was lucky Remus even still bothered with him after the stunt he’d pulled the previous year. It had been two months full of moping day after day and begging James to talk to Remus for him. When Remus had finally begun to talk with him again, Sirius had promised himself he would never do something to jeopardize their friendship again. Even if it meant suffering in silence as Remus’s eyes glittered in the early morning sunlight projected artificially on the Great Hall ceiling.
Sirius is ripped out of his thoughts by a sharp jab to his shin underneath the table. He hisses softly, but of course Remus picks up on it and utters the first words he’s said to Sirius all morning. “You okay, Pads?” Remus looks at him intently, and his voice is still hoarse from lack of use. Sirius nods his head stiffly, thinking internally that now would be a good time to die. Remus studies him for another moment before turning back to his breakfast.
Sirius scans the table with a scowl to search for the culprit. He finds what he’s looking for when Marlene McKinnon mouths an overexaggerated sorry at him. He rolls his eyes, but he knows Marlene was just trying to help. He could tease her back in equal measure for the way she had blushed on Thursday when Dorcas Meadowes smiled directly at her during Charms. But Sirius is nothing if not a charitable friend, so he decides he won’t comment on it until the two of them are alone later.
Peter’s saying something now, but Sirius has only realized because Remus has laughed. Peter is smiling, elated that he’s humored his friends. Remus snorts and Sirius feels his heart skip. Remus looks over at Sirius, mistaking the slight noise he made for a similar chuckle. Remus grins, a touch of foam from his morning coffee stuck on his lip.
Sirius inhales sharply at the sight, causing Remus to look worried again. Peter looks on from behind Remus sympathetically and Evans grins at the two of them like she’s just caught the canary. Even James has caught on now, rolling his eyes at the scene unfolding in front of him. “Sirius?” Remus asks softly, trying to sus out what’s wrong with his best friend.
Sirius tries to speak, truly. But all that comes out is, “You have some, ah.” Sirius decides to supplement that crystal clear statement with a nowhere near confusing gesture to his own face.
Luckily for the both of them, Remus seemed to understand what Sirius was saying. Remus flicked his out of his mouth to wet the spot just above his lip, narrowly missing the white spot. “Got it?” Sirius shook his head silently and Remus tried again, his eyebrows knitting together in focus. When Remus returned his tongue to his mouth the spot was gone, but the result was significantly worse for Sirius. Remus’s lips glistened and Sirius could almost imagine if it had been his fault. Almost.
Remus frowned at Sirius, seemingly still confused. “Are you sure you’re alright, mate?” Sirius forces himself to take a deep breath. He feels the eyes of the rest of the table on him and suddenly he’s tired, tired of the what ifs, tired of the waiting, tired of having all these feelings with nowhere to put them. He’s Sirius black for Merlin’s sake, and that means act now and ask for forgiveness later.
Sirius stands suddenly, stepping over the bench to look out at the rest of his friends across the table. “Well, right,” he says, “I guess we’ll see the rest of you lot later.” And with that he grabs Remus’s hand and drags him up with him, storming off with Remus struggling to keep up with him.
There’s a smattering of applause from their friends and even a wolf whistle. Sirius refuses to turn back to see if it was James or Mary Macdonald. Remus is stuttering as the leave the Great Hall and he seems completely overwhelmed by the time Sirius shoves him backwards into the nearest hallway he can find.
“Padfoot,” Remus starts, clearly worried, “I don’t understand why you’re mad at me. If I did something wrong I’m terribly sorry, but you need to let me know what I did so I don’t repeat the error.”
“I’m not angry with you!” Sirius says, not wanting Remus to think he’s in trouble. But then when Remus meets his eyes again Sirius changes his mind. “I mean, I kind of am. But it’s not your fault! You’re just so,” Sirius motions at Remus’s entire, glorious being, “and I’m just,” he throws his hand back towards himself, nearly smacking his own head in the process, but he hopes Remus gets the point.
He doesn’t, of course. “Sirius, I don’t understand,” Remus says slowly.
Sirius stamps his foot in frustration. Remus is too good, and Sirius had never wanted something so bad in his whole life. He grew up wealthy and knew he didn’t deserve most of what he had, and he knew he sure as hell didn’t deserve Remus but that didn’t stop him from thinking that maybe, just maybe…
Because sometimes he dares to believe that it’s not just him. He hallucinates that Remus is staring at him back and even though Sirius knows it’s not true, that it can’t be, pretending it might be is enough to give him the courage to do what he does next.
Sirius surges forward and kisses Remus hard, just a press of lips and Remus’s back slams into the wall. Remus, for his part, responds immediately and fiercely. One hand comes to grasp at the back of Sirius’s head, tilting it upwards to meet him better, and the other hand rests at the small of Sirius’s back, pulling him in closer. It’s intoxicating, how fast Remus has kissed him back, and Sirius is so enthralled by it that when Remus slowly starts to pull away he almost falls down.
Remus laughs as he catches him, and it’s once again a beautiful noise. Moony, Sirius thinks, absolutely giddy, my Moony. Remus raises an eyebrow at Sirius’s loopy smile and Sirius straightens up to shrug. “Thought I’d help you get the foam off your mouth,” Sirius says, trying to sound suave but coming off nervous.
Sirius waits a moment for Remus to respond. It comes in the form of a grin, stretching across his stupid, beautiful face. “Well, if I’d known getting foam on my mouth would lead to that, I would have done it ages ago,” Remus says, taking Sirius’s hand. “Are you ready to head back?” Sirius shakes his head and pulls Remus into a tight hug.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you Moony,” Sirius whispers into Remus’s ear. Remus presses a gentle kiss to Sirius’s forehead, and Sirius is sure Remus doesn’t understand it, how much he means to Sirius and just how incredible Sirius thinks he is, but Sirius swears on his life that he will work for the rest of his life to make him understand. And maybe someday he will.
But right now, in a hallway with head pressed against Remus’s chest, it doesn’t matter quite so much. “I don’t know what I’d do without you either, Pads.” They break apart slowly, still clasping hands. “Can we head back to the Great Hall, now? I’m still hungry Sirius, and there’s always more time to snog later.”
Sirius grins and kisses Remus softly. “Of course, Moons. Now come one, maybe you’ll get a spot of icing on your lip from one of the frosted pastries this time.”