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Shitty Arguments and Shitty Motel Rooms

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"Jamesssss." Klaus drew the name out as the man grabbed him by the arm, beginning to drag him out of the apartment while Ben followed closely behind. "Come on, surely there's something we could work out-"

"No." The man, James, said quickly, opening the door and throwing Klaus out. "Listen kid, I was willing to help you at first, but one of these days the landlord is going to find your stash, and I'm gonna get kicked out. Then neither of us will have a place to live." He turned, but before he could shut the door Klaus yelled out after him.

"It's the smell of your weed that's making him check in the first place!" The door slammed shut loudly in his face, and he sighed, muttering, "College stoner prick."

"He wasn't wrong though, it's not like you were hiding them very w-"

Klaus hissed at him, cutting him off. "You're the one who can't feel temperature. It's cold still and we're homeless."

"It's April."

"It's cold." Klaus mocked him, and Ben huffed, leaning against the wall and waiting for Klaus to stand.

He gave himself a minute more to sulk outside of James' apartment before standing, glaring at Ben as he walked down the hallway and out the main lobby.

As soon as he stepped outside, he wrapped his arms around himself and started to walk in a random direction.

He had just used up the last of his stash before James threw him about an hour or two before, but he could already feel the high of the shitty chocolate and two pills start to wear off as ghosts crept into the corners of his vision.

He scrubbed at his eyes in an attempt to make them go away, Ben giving him a slightly concerned look.

"Where are we going?" He asked, pulling his hood over his head to shield himself from the wind he couldn't feel.

"Drugs." Klaus coughed the one word out, picking up his pace as he heard a distant scream.

Ben stopped walking. "You don't have enough money for drugs and a motel room."

"Well then," He turned to face him, holding out his shivering arms helplessly. "Guess we'll just have to find a comfortable bench then."

Ben didn't move. "You need a motel room."

Klaus scoffed. "And I need drugs."

He crossed his arms, contemplating. "Okay, but…" He trailed off before a smug smile came onto his face, and Klaus rolled his eyes, preparing himself for whatever bullshit argument his brother was about to make. "But did you die?"

Klaus' mouth dropped open in shock as Ben tried his best to keep a serious face, holding back his laughter. Klaus had thought that Ben would always shut down even at the slightest mention of his death, he never would've guessed that the asshole would use it to his advantage, especially this soon afterwards. It had only been a few months.

"I-" He paused, dampening down his own laughter before crossing his arms and shrugging. "No." He huffed another short laugh. "I guess I didn't."

Ben bit his lip, tilting his head down and smiling before looking up again. "Motel?"

Klaus sighed. "Motel." He gestured in a random direction. "Lead the way, casper."

Ben stuck his tongue out at him, making Klaus laugh and roll his eyes, before he started walking to where he knew the cheapest motel was.

And, well, if Klaus got the smallest shittiest room he could to buy the cheapest pills he could get, then that was okay.




After being attached at the hip for three years, and living in the same house seventeen years before that, it was fairly normal for Klaus and Ben to have petty arguments.

But normally those arguments consisted of how many pills Klaus had taken, how sanitary eating food out of the dumpster was, and whether or not the person he decided to spend the night with was going to kidnap him or not. Ben really didn't anticipate arguing about a TV show, but here they were.

"I'm just saying," Klaus started, shoving microwave popcorn into his mouth as he laid on the crappy motel bed, squinting at the tiny TV screen in the corner of the room. "Dean and Cas have got some sexual tension going on."

Ben scoffed, crossing his arms from where he sat on the floor next to the bed. "They do not." Popcorn was thrown through him at that, and he shivered, glaring at Klaus while he laughed. "They're literally just friends."

"Ben. Benny. Bennifer. Bennerino. Death has clearly taken away your eyesight if you cannot see this." He threw the empty popcorn bag across the room, missing the trash can by a mile. "Destiel is meant to be."

Ben leaned back against the wall, moving his head to hit it lightly, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them again and staring at Klaus in disbelief. "Destiel."

"Yes, Destiel." He said, sighing in exasperation as if he couldn't believe Ben just didn't get it.

"That is so. Stupid." Ben said, mostly to mess with his brother, partly because he was right.

Klaus moved to pause the show, and turned to fully face Ben, who rolled his eyes. "Ben. Have you never, in your seventeen years of life and three years of afterlife, never shipped anything?!"

Ben gave him a slightly concerned look, shaking his head, and Klaus huffed.

"Whatever." He moved to press play on the remote. "Whatever, it's fine, I'll get past it."

Ben blinked at him in confusion for a second before slowly turning his head to face the TV.

"I'm still right though." He muttered under his breath, and Klaus groaned.

"No you're not. There is so much tension there, come on."

"I really just don't see it." Ben reasoned, holding his hands up in surrender.

"I'm right." Klaus said, crossing his arms.

"Okay but…" Ben paused for a second, formulating an argument in his brain before throwing that argument away and going back to his usual method that not only would get Klaus on his side, but also annoy him. "But did you die?" Silence.

"Wha-" Klaus sputtered. "But what does that have to do with anything-"

"Did you die?" Ben cut him off again, holding back laughter.

"No." Klaus huffed. "No I didn't."

Ben hummed, turning back to fully face the TV, grinning widely.

"Destiel is still gonna be canon though."

Ben groaned, but didn't say anything else. They would probably find out soon enough, anyways.




"This guys a murderer."

Klaus huffed, glaring at Ben. Did he really think that Klaus couldn't spot a murderer?

"No. He's not. Adrian's a good guy, and he's giving us a place to stay-"

"Or a human trafficker." Klaus hissed at him, and Ben shrugged. "His names Adrian. He has a basement!"

"Tons of people have basements!"

"Still." Ben glanced around the empty bedroom nervously. "Where even is he?"

"He's not a jobless drug addict, so probably out doing something productive for the world." Klaus said harshly, turning on the TV. "People don't just sit at home all day doing nothing, Benny."

"You're right, but I'm also pretty sure that I saw that all the recorded things on the TV are the episodes of How to Get Away With Murder-"

Klaus' groan cut him off. "I think you just don't like him."

"Because he's going to kidnap you."

"He's not going to- ugh!" Klaus cut himself off with a groan. "Why do you think he's going to kidnap me."

Ben gave him a monotone look. "Because I saw chains. In the basement."

Klaus started to laugh before he saw the still-flat look on Ben's face. "Wait. Really?"

"Yup. Chains. In the basement. Okay let's go-"


"Okay, so maybe I didn't see chains." He said, crossing his arms. "But I have a bad feeling about this guy! Why is the basement locked?"

"Maybe there's drugs or something, I don't know." Klaus huffed. "I really doubt-"

"But did you die." Ben cut him off quickly, and Klaus squeezed his eyes shut, turned to him, and opened them again.

"You have been dead for four years. This does not work anymore." He leaned against the headboard, looking at the TV. "We're staying."

"But did you die."


"But did you die."

Klaus groaned, pausing the TV and scrubbing at his eyes. "Are you not gonna shut up until we leave?"

Ben shook his head, and Klaus sighed, standing up and looking around the room for some money that could tide him over until he found someone else that would take him in.

And sure, maybe they found out that Ben was right when they watched the guy get arrested on TV a week afterwards, but it wasn't like he had to rub it in Klaus’ face.




"God, it is freezing." Klaus shivered, wrapping his arms around himself and sitting on the nearest bench.

Ben rolled his eyes, huffing as he leaned against it. "I'm not sure I want to know what the homeless shelter kicked you out for. Or why they kept your coat."

"Drugs, probably. Who knows at this point, they're probably just homophobic."

Ben hummed. "You're gonna have to find some place to stay."

"Yeah," Klaus huffed. "You think I didn't realize?"

"I'm just saying," Ben continued, mostly to get on Klaus' nerves. "It's going to be pretty hard with no money, and with the fact that all the homeless shelters within ten miles have thrown you out at least once-"

"Yeah." Klaus hissed, glaring at him. "I think I get it."

He groaned, standing up from the bench and stretching. Klaus mumbled to himself as he began to walk towards the closest alley, something about homeless shelters being homophobic, and Ben rolled his eyes.

It decided to start raining in that moment, and Klaus groaned again, throwing his hands down by his side. Ben went to pull his hood over his head, shielding himself from the rain that just went through him.

By the time they made it to the alley, Klaus' clothes were soaked, and he was shivering more than he had before.

The roofs of the buildings forming the alley didn't have much of an overhang, so the rain kept pouring in, soaking through Klaus' clothes ten times over.

He walked over to the dumpster, praying to a god he didn't believe in that it was empty, and opened it, relishing in the fact that there was only a fairly small trash bag and a few pieces of cardboard. Oh well. At least it was dry.

He groaned again and jumped in, slamming the lid closed above him before too much water could get inside.

"This. Sucks." Klaus muttered, banging his head against the side of the dumpster.

"But," He heard Ben start from outside the dumpster, and he bit his lip to hold back a smile at what he knew his brother was going to say. "Did you die?"

He banged his head against the wall again, willing away the headache that was already starting to come as he shrugged even though Ben couldn't see him.

"No." He sighed, leaning his head against his hand while the rain pounded above him. "I guess not."

Maybe the argument was starting to get annoying six years into Ben's death, and maybe it was the only thing that got Klaus to smile that night.




"Do I really have to do this?" Klaus whined, wrapping his arms around his torso as he stumbled to the nearest club in search of his supposedly easily find-able brother.

"Yep." Ben said quickly, already tired of his brother's shit.

"But I have… important business-"

"Important business." Ben mocked. "Important business my ass."

"The apocalypse seems fairly important at the moment-"

"Oh, come on," Ben started, turning to Klaus as he groaned. Withdrawal was hitting him harder than he expected. "All you were gonna do was sit in bed, the apocalypse was never your first thought."

"And I feel like I deserve that! A nice nap…" Klaus defended, rolling his eyes at Ben's glare. "What!"

"You need to find Luther." He said simply, crossing his arms and fixing him with his usual 'Klaus stop being a fucking idiot and listen to me for once' look.

"But why." Klaus said, holding his arms out in surrender, and Ben sighed.

"Because." He said, unable to come up with anything that he hadn't used already.

"Because…" Klaus trailed off, hoping for Ben to continue and give some sort of explanation as to why Klaus got out of bed that morning.

"Because he needs you." He said simply crossing his arms while Klaus groaned.

"I'm busy."

"Okay," Ben started, "But did you-"

"Die?" Klaus cut him off, glaring harshly at him. "No. You need a new argument."

"But it works." Ben said, grinning as Klaus started to walk towards the next club that Luther may or may not be in.

"Shut up."




"Nobody needs your shit Klaus," Ben started, holding his hand out. "That's why you're always alone."

They stared at each other blankly for only a second before Klaus came running forward. "Eat shit you shit eater!"

He tackled Ben to the harsh ground of the road and immediately started slapping him.

They fought on the road for a few moments while cars drove past and looked at Klaus strangely, almost as if he was fighting the empty air.

Which, to be fair, is what it looked like to them. All they saw was a guy with clothes not fit for 60's Texas rolling on the ground and slapping nothing.

And maybe that image was a little funny. Just a little.

Only a few minutes after laying on the road after their slap fight, they both stood up and continued to move forward. They figured that the nearest stop couldn't be that far.

They were wrong. Very, very wrong.

They had already walked for an hour and no cars had passed by since where their own had broken down. There were no signs pointing to a place to stop and the sun was beating down, despite it being November.

"God," Klaus groaned, slowing his pace and resting his hands on his knees. "It is so hot. Why is it so hot."

Ben rolled his eyes. "It's November."

Klaus stood up straight and glared. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay Mr. Ghost-who-hasn't-felt-temperature-in-years, I realize that, but do you not see the sun." He pointed to the sky, and Ben crossed his arms as they slowed to a complete stop.

"We're never gonna get anywhere if you keep taking these breaks-"

"I've stopped once!" Klaus cut him off, and Ben huffed in response. "You know, if you could actually shut up for five minutes I'm sure we'd be there by now."

"Be where?" Ben asked incredulously. They both knew that they were walking in a direction that they thought Dallas might be, unsure of when they would find any way to get into the city.

Klaus glared at him again before starting to walk slowly in the same direction that they had been going for the past hour.

Ben sighed but followed without much effort. He hadn't been tired in almost two decades.

They had only walked for ten minutes in silence before Klaus groaned again. "This sucks."

"Yeah," Ben started, prepared to make his brother more annoyed than he already was. "But did you die?"

Klaus gave him the angriest look he had ever seen, and he dampened down his own smile in favor of keeping a monotone look on his face.

"N-" He paused. "Wait yes."

"Exa- what?" Ben's monotone look slowly turned into a confused one as Klaus laughed, slightly hysterical.

"Yep. In the club, remember?" A look of realization dawned on Ben's face, and he immediately sighed. "Met god and everything. She's a bitch."

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose, willing away the headache that shouldn't have been possible. "I really don't think that counts-"

"Oh." Klaus cut him off. "It counts."

"Does it?"


Ben sighed, squeezing his eyes shut then opening them again. "Does this mean my only argument won't work anymore."

Klaus started to walk forward. "Oh, it never worked. It was just very, very annoying. Still is."

"Guess I still have a use for it then." Ben said, moving to walk next to Klaus.

Klaus flipped him off before starting to walk faster in an attempt to leave Ben behind.

It was fine, though. There would be plenty of time to annoy him later.