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you tentacle my fancy

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“This is all your fault. I can’t believe this is happening.”

Taehyung grimaced trying to ignore his boyfriend’s glare burning through his skull. Yoongi glared at him a lot and at least this wasn’t his death glare, so it was almost a sign of love. Except it was his ‘I am so disappointed, you make me want to bang my head against the wall’ glare – which, granted, Taehyung did deserve in this particular moment.

“Hyung, I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Taehyung replied, motioning over to the… person? … sitting on their bed. Well, it was kind of obvious that the creature wasn’t really a human, even though they looked mainly like a normal human that had four tentacles growing out of their back and wrapping around their torso. No, definitely not a human.

Yoongi huffed. “You probably manifested it with that weird stuff you read all the time.”

Taehyung suppressed a smile. “What weird stuff?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Humour me.” Taehyung raised an eyebrow and Yoongi scowled right back at him. This was not the time to be cheeky.

“The tentacle porn, Kim Taehyung,” Yoongi said slowly, before glancing again at their visitor.

Tentacle-Creature looked a little uncomfortable to be fair. “If we’re talking about blame, I technically came here myself.”


Yoongi folded his arms in front of his chest. “This doesn’t change the fact, that this was because of your-“

“If you say ‘stupid magick’, I will eat you alive because-“

“Of course, I’m not gonna say that.” Yoongi actually closed the gap between them and put his hands on Taehyung’s shoulders, shaking him gently. “You know, I support your witchcraft and everything that it entails. But you did promise me that you were going to make sure that no evil spirit would enter our home.”

Suddenly, their visitor seemed to be a little offended. “I’m not an evil spirit. I’m… well I’m certainly not spreading evil. I promise. I’m good.”

Yoongi looked from them to Taehyung, who just shrugged helplessly. “I swear, hyung, lately I’ve just been trying to come in contact with my spirit guide. And I mean I guess that could’ve made it easier for this guy to slip in but-“

“I’m known for loitering,” their guest mumbled, one of their tentacles nervously flopping up and down on their mattress. Yoongi wondered whether it was leaving wet spots on their sheets. “I look other spirits over their shoulders and sometimes stalk on humans because they’re just so interesting and fun and… I saw you and- I mean, you know how beautiful you are, right? I have seen angels praised for their beauty and you could easily be one. And then I just? Stayed a little? Your boyfriend is awfully pretty as well and you two really seem to love each other so I thought…”

“You thought what?” Yoongi asked gently, Taehyung still busy blushing over the stranger’s compliments.

“I could… join you? I’m not really friends with other spirits. Or like partners or anything.”

Yoongi eyed them warily. “Are you like… one of those sex monsters? Uh… inc-something?”

This time the spirit seemed to be actually offended and not just a little bit. “You mean incubus? No! I don’t even… I don’t want to sleep with you or anyone. I don’t… no, that makes me uncomfortable.” They frowned, both his arms and tentacles hugging his waist tightly.

Taehyung dared to step a little closer to the bed. “Oh, are you asexual?” The spirit stared up at him. Their face was round and soft, but their eyes were piercing and gold, and Taehyung could feel their aura more and more the closer he stepped. “That’s when-“

“Yeah, I’ve heard of it,” they interrupted him softly. “I’d say so, yes. If we’re speaking human labels.”

Taehyung smiled so brightly, his eyes started to crinkle. “That’s lovely and you’re so valid. Hyung and I would love to-“

“We would love to know your name,” Yoongi interjected before Taehyung could make any promises Yoongi didn’t want to keep. He didn’t really get what was happening here, so he had to make sure.

“Jimin.” They smiled shyly as if this was the first time, they ever said their name out loud. “Yeah, Jimin.”

“Well, Jimin,” Taehyung grinned and looked from them to Yoongi and back again. “Did you mean to basically ask us out earlier? Or was that a misunderstanding?”

Jimin looked sheepishly at Yoongi who still looked very much unamused. “Well…”

And that’s how Taehyung and Yoongi got themselves into a poly relationship with a tentacle monster.


Yoongi let out a quiet sigh as he unlocked the door to their apartment. Lately, work had taken a toll on him and today especially he felt just… exhausted. He loved his job, he did, but in the last days, the stress had gotten too much. The fight he had had with a co-worker today had just tipped him over the edge.

He didn’t expect Taehyung to be home yet, so he wasn’t surprised to find no shoes scattered near the door. He did however slightly flinch when he noticed Jimin standing in the middle of the room, watching him with their glowing golden eyes.

Yoongi huffed out a short laugh. “Don’t scare hyung like that, Jiminie.” Even though Jimin was by far older than Yoongi, they had admitted at the very start of their relationship that they still wanted Yoongi to be their hyung, for once they wanted to be treated like they were younger. And who was Yoongi to say no to that?

Jimin cocked their head as they slowly walked over to Yoongi, their tentacles already reaching out for him. “You don’t feel good?”

He didn’t even try to hide his mood, as Jimin always was able to read him and see through his lies. “Yeah. Exhausted. Tired. Drained. All of the above.”

“Do you want food? Cuddles? Kisses?”

Yoongi slowly walked over to their bed which was big enough for two people, but sometimes got a bit cramped for three people – or two people and their monster/spirit significant other. “I just want to nap.” He sat down on the mattress, deciding to sleep on the duvet for now since it was warm in the apartment. When he caught Jimin pouting just slightly, he smiled. “I’ll accept cuddles, though.”

With a big smile on his face, Jimin climbed over Yoongi as he laid down and wrapped their arms and tentacles around him from behind. At first, the touch of the tentacles had felt strange on Yoongi’s skin. They felt slick and a little damp, but never did they leave a wet trace behind – and over time Yoongi got used to the feeling, welcomed it even. So, when he felt one of Jimin’s tentacles starting to brush over his temple and cheekbones, he sighed contently and let himself be pulled closer to Jimin’s chest.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, already starting to feel better as he slowly slipped into a light sleep.

This was exactly how Taehyung found them as he came home mere hours later.

“Hey, I’m-“ He quickly interrupted himself, when he saw Jimin curled around Yoongi, their tentacles stroking different parts of his body, as he was sleeping with his head leaning on their chest. Jimin caught his eyes immediately. “Bad day?”

“Yeah,” Jimin replied quietly.

Taehyung hummed as he slipped out of his shoes and jacket and went to put away the groceries, he had picked up on the way home. Once he was done with that, he made his way over to the bed, leaning over the two of them to catch Jimin’s lips in a soft kiss. “Hi.”

Jimin smiled, when Taehyung laid down as well, scooting closer so he was pressed against Yoongi’s back but could still reach out to wrap his arm around Jimin as well. When Taehyung leaned over his boyfriend’s head to kiss Jimin again, Yoongi groaned quietly and blinked his eyes open.

“Hello there,” Taehyung greeted him softly, pressing one last lingering kiss to Jimin’s lips, before kissing Yoongi on the cheek. “Feel better?”

Yoongi let out a low whine. “Proper kiss,” he mumbled and pursed his lips. Laughing, both Taehyung and Jimin indulged him. “Mhm, thanks.”

Taehyung and Jimin grinned, both moving to hug their boyfriend closer. A tentacle brushed over Taehyung’s arm, making him smile at Jimin over Yoongi’s shoulder.

“How was your day?” Jimin asked softly.

“Good,” Taehyung says, his thumb drawing circles on Jimin’s hip. “Better now that I get to cuddle you both. Yours?”

“It was alright.” Jimin shrugged a little and pressed a kiss to Yoongi’s head. “Just spirit stuff.”

“Spirit stuff,” Yoongi repeated in amusement. “Sounds nice.”

Jimin laughed and Taehyung couldn’t help but giggle as well. Back when he had bought his first books about magick and witchcraft, he had never thought he’d end up here. He never even thought he’d love someone as much as he loved Yoongi. But he did. He loved Jimin, he loved the relationship they all had. He loved coming home to both of them. He loved knowing it was them against the world forever.