It was the day after Oikawa’s death. Cause of death? Suicide.
Kageyama didn’t feel like getting up. He lost someone so important to him. Yes, you guessed it right. Kageyama is Oikawa’s significant other. He didn’t want to get up from his messy bed. He didn’t have the motivation to start his day with a funeral. He laid down, trying to reflect.
Kageyama furrowed his eyebrows upon feeling the vibration under his pillow. His hand went under his pillow, moving around as he searched for his phone. “Aha…” He mumbled as he got his phone.
His heart started racing.
“A message from Oikawa-san? Wait, how-” Kageyama asks himself as he abruptly sat up from the bed. Kageyama’s hand trembled, fearing what’s inside the message. He had to admit, it was pretty creepy to get a message from your dead boyfriend. Now, without hesitation, he opens the message.
It’s a day after my death, am I right? Don’t be afraid. These messages are scheduled. I would like to keep you company while I’m gone. So to do that, I made messages for you. Sadly, you can’t reply to these because… Yeah, I’m dead. Haha!
Kageyama felt his breath going short as he read the message.
Please don’t do anything stupid. Like don’t be like me, I killed myself. I just wanted the pain to stop. Please don’t blame yourself on this. I shouldn’t have opened up sooner or later since you were my last resort. I guess you’re not ready to take my explanation. I’ll give you some time to prepare.
I love you!
- Oikawa, your best boyfie <3
He dropped his phone on the spot. Tears were threatening to fall down.
“Oikawa-san, where did I go wrong?”
2 days gone
How are you? Are you still reading these messages? I hope you still do. Anyways, I hope that you’re doing well now that I am gone. Are you eating well? Tobi, sweetie… Please take care, hm?
1 week gone
It’s been a week, huh? I hope you still read these messages. How are you holding up there? Are you doing well? I shouldn’t have died.
I left you all alone.
Kageyama closed his phone.
“No. You’re at peace. Don’t blame yourself for this. I shouldn’t know what you’ve been through sooner.” he muttered to himself as a tear dropped down.
3 weeks gone
It’s almost the end of the month. I think I should stop here and explain everything, Kageyama.
Kageyama then focused on the message. He got up and started reading the message.
I will explain everything briefly. Let’s start with on why did I even kill myself. No, it’s not because I wasn’t able to get to the nationals. When we started dating, I wanted to be perfect. We received a lot of publicity once we started dating and I wanted to show them that I was capable of loving you. I know I’m annoying at times but that’s how I want to express my love. I don’t want to act cliche in front of you. I want to act like myself. The clingy and annoying Oikawa you knew from middle school.
It was pressuring. My anxiety and insecurities started growing. I know you have that cold attitude which I understood but people around me told me that you didn’t really love me and you love that orange shrimped hair boy. Hinata, right? I just thought you never loved me. Then the pressure was on. I did everything to make you happy. Did I make you happy enough?
“You made me happy and that was enough.” Kageyama started sobbing.
Being popular is depressing, huh? A lot of people pointed out to me that I was annoying. They pointed out my biggest flaws and I denied my flaws. I denied my flaws for everyone to accept me. I didn’t share my insecurities because I feared you won’t accept me.
Now I ask, am I enough? Was I ever enough for you? I’m sorry for keeping these feelings in my heart. Now… I dug my own grave and I’m dead. I’m very sorry.
“Stop blaming yourself.”
Don’t blame yourself for this. It’s my fault. I didn’t tell anyone this sooner. I just wanted the pain to be over. I believed the world would be better if I was gone but I didn’t think about you. I’m selfish and I’m sorry for that.
Maybe this is where I end the message.
Kageyama Tobio, I love you.
- Oikawa Tooru
Kageyama stood up, took a bath, and dressed in formal wear. Black was the color he represented. Empty and dark. He came to his significant other’s grave.
Tears started to roll down his face.
"Now I return your question: was I ever enough?”