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sunlight and storms

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It was almost three in the afternoon. Their day had been quite calm. Owen still was incredibly affectionate, but Curt wasn’t complaining one bit. He was currently lying on the couch, his head in Owen’s lap, listening to Owen reading. The latter had a habit of softly reading each word out loud when he was reading, and Curt found it adorable. It was very nice to listen to his voice.

However, he wasn’t able to pay as much attention as he’d like to. He was having self doubts, like he often was. This time they were worse than usually though. He was afraid that he wasn’t good enough for Owen. Again, he always was, but now he wasn’t only afraid, he was quite convinced that Owen deserved better than him. Owen deserved to love someone freely, and he would never be able to do that with Curt. He shouldn’t have to be afraid for his lover’s life every time he did his job.

“Curt, love?” Owen’s voice cut through his disturbing thoughts. He didn’t respond. “Curt?” He sounded worried now. “I know you’re not asleep, Curt, your eyes are open. What’s wrong?” His fingers started combing through Curt’s hair and though Curt felt like he hadn’t earned it in any way, he leaned into the touch. He closed his eyes and felt Owen press a soft kiss to his forehead. He clumsily cupped Owen’s face with one hand, eyes still closed, and rubbed his cheek with his thumb. Owen chuckled, and then gently took Curt’s hand from his face.

“Love, something’s going on, and I want to know what it is. I’m worried about you.” His voice sounded so soft, so sweet. But there was concern hidden under the softness and sweetness, and it made Curt sick.

He opened his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, his voice barely audible. Owen seemed genuinely surprised. “For what, my love?”

“For making you worry like this.”

Owen frowned. He carefully placed his hand beneath Curt’s head and embraced him with his other arm, bringing him up to his level. Curt instinctively laid his head in Owen’s chest. He couldn’t suppress a smile when he felt Owen’s chin on top of his head. “You don’t need to apologize, my dear. I just want you to be alright, you know that.”

Curt nodded. “Yes, I do, I-I do. It’s just…” He sighed. Owen stroked his cheek with the back of his hand. “Take your time, dear.” He often said that as a joke when Curt was being unnecessarily slow, or when he wanted to kiss Owen for ‘too long’ (of course there was no such thing as kissing Owen for too long in Curt’s opinion), but now there wasn’t the slightest hint of kidding in his voice. 

“You deserve better than me.” He barely noticed the words slipping from his mouth. He had talked to this about Owen before, and he was scared that Owen was getting tired of it.

“I could say the same about you, love, and what would you say if I did?”

Curt tilted his head in surprise. He’d never asked him that before. “I’d say that that’s not true.” He could feel Owen, who had buried his face in Curt’s neck, smile. “That’s right, and what makes you think that I don’t feel the same way about you?”

Curt shrugged. “I dunno. It’s just, you’re bisexual, right?” Owen nodded. “Exactly. So you could just...not have a relationship with me. I’m sure you’ll fall in love with some nice girl someday, and when that happens, you can love her freely, and you won’t risk anything by being with her, and I want that for you, Owen. I want you to be happy without risking everything.”

“Curt, you’re worth risking everything. A million sweet girls could be in love with me and I’d choose you. I love you.” He pressed a gentle kiss to Curt’s neck, making his heart soar and for a moment, Curt forgot about his worries. He turned around and kissed Owen on his lips. 

“I love you,” he whispered when they just barely pulled away. He let his forehead fall on Owen’s shoulder. Owen hugged him even tighter than he already did and ruffled his hair. “I know,” he said. Curt laughed. “You bastard,” he said, but of course there was nothing but love in his voice.

“Alright, I love you too,” Owen said in a joking voice. Then he said it again, seriously this time. “I love you, Curt. Always remember that, okay? And if you ever think that I deserve better than you, remember that you really are everything I could’ve wanted.” He pressed a kiss to Curt’s nose. “And more,” he then added. He smiled. “You’re everything I could’ve wanted and more. I love you.”

“I love you too.”