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don't let go (because i still want our forever)

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"God-fucking-damn it!"

Yuki flinched from his outburst. He clutched the sleeves of his dress with one hand and gritted his teeth. This was his fault, he thought looking at the angered form of Banri, and he'll own up to it.

My fault, he repeated inside his head.

"Damn it, Yuki," Banri muttered in front of him. He paced in front of him and combed his hair repeatedly. Then, he'd stop after a few steps and looked at Yuki.

Normally, Banri was hard to read, only showing irritation and sometimes fondness. He was only ever transparent with Juza (and when it's late at night, Yuki asks himself, why do you till love him when he already let you go?)  but Yuki has been with Banri intimately for a few months and an even longer time as friends. Yuki has had enough time to differentiate the many faces of one Banri Settsu.

Yuki knows Banri was angry because he was using that voice. Not the one he uses when the connection lagged which causes him to lose or the voice he has when he thinks Juza upped him once again. No, it was the voice he always had when Yuki pushed far too many buttons but this time the bitterness was clear and transparent. This time, there was despair mingling in it. 

He was physically taken out of his thoughts when Banri grabbed the fabric of his clothes and slammed him into the wall. He bit his lips, swallowing the moans of pain he was about to let out.

"You're not looking at me again," Banri seethed in front of him.

Yuki looked at him. His eyebrows were creased and narrowed and he could see his blue eyes darkened with anger but it was trembling with unshed tears. He was sad, Yuki dismisses the thought.

Why would he be sad? Why? He was the one who looked like all he wanted was to end everything. How could he be sad? 

"Everything was a pretend anyway," Yuki muttered. He pushed Banri away and hid a wince from the pain coming from his shoulders.

"Fuck!" Banri shouted once again and Yuki couldn't help but flinch from the volume, afraid that he'll get manhandled again.

"Yuki,"

He looked at Banri.

"You're so fucking cruel, you know that?" Banri continued, his voice laden with sadness. 

Cruel? Him? He should be the one saying that. He uttered the words without thinking, "I should be the one saying that."

"You don't have the fucking right to say that," the brunnet accused. "How can we make this work when I'm the only one who's trying?! This isn't a one-fucking-way train, Yuki!"

"Fucking look at me at least, damn it!"

Yuki was tired but he will not back down because he did try to make it work. But their relationship? This is what they call a bad end isn't it?

"I did my best too," he said, clenching his hands. "But I'm not Juza and I'll never be him," he confessed.

"And I'm not Sumeragi, so fucking what?!"

Banri moved forward and reaches out to Yuki. He sees him about to step back and pulls him hard towards his chest. He hugs him, his chin on the other's shoulder. "All I want is for you is to look at me," he confessed.

Yuki trembled and nozzled deeper into the hug. He gripped the other's jacket and cried.

Banri feels the trembling figure of Yuki and he could the tears soaking his chest. He tried to move away to comfort the other but was stopped when Yuki's gripped tightens.

"Don't let go."