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Why Does the Right Thing Have to Suck so Much

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Aprils POV

“Actually…I don’t know”

Four words…those STUPID four words. They were enough to simultaneously rip out my heart, and crush my dreams.

I looked down, and willed myself not to cry. Stevens don’t cry, especially not when their woman beating fathers are back, and out of jail, and is suddenly so interested in not only my life, but my peers as well…well more specifically just two of my peers. The more beautiful of the twins in question sitting right beside me. No. I have to follow through with this. I don’t know what he has heard already to prompt such an out of bounds question.

Collecting myself enough to look back up at her, just in time for her to look away. I stare at her beautifully angled face for a couple seconds more, wishing so badly that I could reach for her face and kiss her like she was just about to do me, but realizing I no longer have the right to do so. After what I can feel is a tear-jerking somber smile, I take a breath, stand up and say the only thing that is natural enough for me to say without risking taking all of this back. “Bye, Sterl”, and then walk away, refusing too look back even for a second.

God…why does doing what feels like the right thing have to hurt so much.

Sterling’s POV

I watch…I simply watch as April just walks off. Everything in me wants to call out to her, tell her to come back, tell her that what we can have is worth whatever her dad, or this parish could throw at us. Her dad…John Stevens was out. Her woman beating father, who told my favorite person in this entire world, and I that he was going to make sure we regretted bringing him in. With that sobering thought I too stood up, and walked further to the edge of the schools drive up, and decided instead to text Blair to come and get me.

My only hope is that she gets here in time to stop me from thinking more with my heart than my head. The only thing rooting me to stay still is the thought that not only could Mr. Stevens make good on his promise with Blair and I, but punish April as well is word somehow got back to him of her and I.

Instead I look up to the sky with tear streaked eyes and wonder why doing the right thing can suck so much.

During my musing, I hear what sounds like someone approaching behind me and I try to swallow the lump in my throat and feel my heart clench hoping beyond hope that it happens to be a small brunette in a cute pink jacket.

When said mystery person reaches me, I find out that it is basically the exact opposite, and before me stands a tree of a man with the heart of a teddy bear. Dear old Luke, with odd high pony and all. I wanted to be mad at him for flirting with April, really, I did, but ultimately, I know nothing of his actions was malicious in any way. For gosh sake, he didn’t even know that I was not only interested, but batting for the other team as of late, and the catcher of this metaphorical softball league happening to be April.

He smiles, that sweet smile at me, and says he noticed me standing outside from the window, and noticed it looked like I may have been crying, and came all the way out here just to check on me. I wonder how he was able to even get out here…I figured April would have locked the doors once she had gone back in.

“Hey Sterl, April let me out when I walked into to her at the hallway. I mentioned it had looked like you had been crying, and she said you weren’t feeling well and were heading home, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay and wait with you until you got picked up.”

See now…that is incredibly sweet, I truly do regret how I ended things with Luke, while I may not have been into him as much anymore, he still is an amazingly caring and sweet guy, and clearly, he loved me so much. I wonder if…

“Hey…I was wondering, I know you and April don’t get along, but I was wondering if you would be cool with me asking…her out?”

Okay cheese and crackers, I take it back, *excuse the language Lord* Fuck Luke.

Ugggghhh where the heck was Blair when a much-needed Wonder Twin conversation was needed. I mean really though, what on earth am I supposed to say to that?!

Apparently, I had taken too long to answer because a tentative, “Uh, Sterl, you okay in there?

I do a quick shake of my head to bring me back to the present, “Uh yeah all here! Sorry!” After a quick awkward look and throat clear, “Yeah, yeah I think she would say yes, and she would be lucky to have you”.

I wished the world would just swallow me whole, what with how happy that one response seems to make him combined with the thought that my exes would be dating. I wonder if I could rework the song to where all my ex’s live in Georgia instead of Texas. Heh…at least I know they wouldn’t be getting any with each other. Again, I have to shake my head to bring myself back to the present moment. Being desperate to change the conversation I run with, “What’s going on up there” as I gesture to his head.

“Oh, haha, I was trying to do a man bun, but my hair isn’t long enough so it just ended up looking like a high ponytail.”

Yeaaaahhhh still not enough to make April into you I bet I think cheekily. Which than I immediately feel bad for because for April, no one should have to deny, or force themselves to be with someone they aren’t into simply to keep up appearances, and Luke deserves someone who will actually be able to love him in everyway he deserves.

We again turn our conversation to lighter topics of him rejoining the golf team, but I make a point to make sure that he will still be making time to play his guitar. He then tells me that he will defiantly be doing so, but just in secret.

“I…wrote a song for you, you know?”

That, took me by surprise, and also melted my heart. And in a moment of surprise not only to Luke, but to myself I lunged forward and kissed him. It felt familiar yet somehow unpracticed, nice, but was missing one crucial detail. It wasn’t April. With that realization my whole being became crestfallen, and I broke the kiss and stepped away from Luke.

“Wo…wow Sterl, I didn’t know you had still felt that way”

All I could do was look at him, I was completely incapable of responding, all I could see when I looked at him was that he wasn’t who I wanted. Which made me feel like a complete jerk, because while he looked like a kid on Christmas who just opened the gift they were most hoping to get, I felt like I had just received the worlds largest stocking full of coal.

Before I even had a chance to respond, my mom of all people had pulled up in Dad’s truck. While I was surprised it wasn’t Blair, I wasn’t about to refuse a temporary get out of jail free card when God provides one! I turned to address Luke again after my mom had called out to me, and again he looked like his entire world was put back on its axis and was once again spinning as it should. All I could do was give him a watery smile and promise we would talk later, spare him a quick hug and all but sprint to the truck that was but three feet away.

Unfortunately, Luke was one step quicker and decided to be a complete gentleman and opened the door for me, while addressing my Mom by saying hello. In return all she did was offer a somewhat off kilter smile and an awkward wave. Without missing a beat Luke did the good’ol boy car tap and turned to head back into the school with an extra pep in his step.

“Wow, he sure is a tall drink of water, and a gentleman to boot. Good choice Sterling”

After watching Luke for a beat to make sure he made it back into the school safely, I turned to look at my Mom with a question look and the reply of, “Mom that was Luke”.

To which she responded with, “Ah yes, of course Luke, I just haven’t seen him in his pj’s before, with what looked like an odd attempt at a man bun.” Which I could only laugh at as we drove off.

Aprils POV

As I walked back into the school it took everything in me to try to reign in my broken heart and shattered dreams. As I was about to finish locking the doors back up, I heard footsteps at the top of the small stair case and when I looked up there, he was, Sterling’s amorphous of choice, and the unfortunate future beard of myself.
I plaster the fakest smile I have in my arsenal on my fact before addressing him, “Master Luke! What brings you down here?”

"Hey April, uh was that Sterling that you just let outside??”

“Uhm, yeah. She told me she wasn’t feeling well, and mentioned it having something to do with a fight with Blair the other day. She told me that Blair was on her way to come and get her to bring her home.”

“Oh…hey uhm, do you mind if I go out and stand with her, she looks like she’s been crying, and I don’t want her to be standing out there alone.”

At that I had finally turned around to look out to where Sterling was now standing near the road. While Wilmington was in a great area, there was still always a need to be cautious while being a woman at night out alone. This of course made my rapidly freezing over heart crack a little bit, because while the object of my heart break was the one in, ‘danger’, I could never stomach the thought of anything bad ever happening to Sterling. Coming to this realization is what gave me the strength to do what comes next.

“Well Master Luke, the force for good certainly does seem to be strong in you! Why don’t you go stand out there with her and lock up when you come back in? Can I trust you to use the force to keep young Sterling safe, and return home to the rebellion once your mission is complete?”

Good lord I’ve never wanted to punch myself so hard in the face before, but luckily it seems to of simultaneously made Luke smile and puff out his chest like he was God’s gift to woman…or of course that was just my bitterness talking.

“Master Luke accepts this mission on behalf of the rebellion and shall return promptly with a report and to debrief once it is complete”

At even the mere mention of Luke debriefing of any kind with my gir…Sterling all of that pizza we had just shared wanted to make its way right back up. Instead, all I did was smile and give him a quick head nod before turning and trying my damnest not to sprint up the stairs and away from the knowledge that I have just sent Sterling’s long-time ex, and first-time lover out to comfort her and make her feel secure and safe.

It was about 20 minutes later that Luke had ambled back into the room we and half of the senior population had decided to bed down and claim. The fake smile I had on my face fell more than I would have wanted once I noticed how overly love sick and happy he seemed. But, as a woman of logic and reason, and realistically a masochist just had to confirm my own suspicion.

“What has you looking so happy?”

“Oh, nothing much…just Sterling kissed me, and I’m pretty sure we’re back together.”

He of course started giving me an unasked-for play by play, but after the Sterling KISSED me, all I heard was white noise and an overwhelming desire to not only punch the stupid smile off of his face, but also curl into the tightest ball I could make and cry my eyes out. For whatever reason, my brain registered him gesticulating with his arms wildly as if he were a grand hero telling the tale of how he rescued the princess to a bar filled of peasants. One thing in particular that he mentioned that I was able to finally hear after the white noise started dying down in my ears was,

“And then her mom picked her up and I heard her ask who I was…and I’m pretty sure she referred to me as a tall drink of something”

I observed his face as he said that, and seemed like a mix between confused and bashful.

“Yeah that is pretty weird…” I mean it really is though, Sterling and Luke dated for like six years…surely Ms. Wesley would remember and know him, ridiculous high pony and all. I didn’t get too long to dwell on it, because speaking of the blonde headed devil herself seemed to of summon her. A very verrrryyy large part of me did NOT want to answer this call, but there was some nagging part of me that told me I needed to. I decided to listen to that instinct and answer Sterling’s call. To do so, I had quickly excused myself from Luke’s rendition of the last 20 minuets and walked into the hallway.


But before I could even muster up a fake putt out response, I heard what sounded like muffled conversation, which was odd enough, and right when I was about to disconnect the call with the assumption of a butt dial, I heard what sounded like people screaming…more importantly Sterling screaming. Why was Sterling screaming?! Couldn’t stop myself from yelling out to Sterling in my worry, which seems to of been the wrong decision because shortly after I heard what sounded like a struggle, and what sounded very much like Sterling’s mother yelling at her to calm down and to give her the phone. I was so confused and was about to yell out to Sterling again when I heard what sounded like my name being yelled from far away and then the line went dead…

Every cell in my body feels like it had decided to just stop and grow freezing cold all at once. I of course wasted no time in calling Sterling back at least five times before growing frustrated, and going in search of Luke hoping that he had Blair’s number. I may not be on the best terms with Blair, but I would gladly swallow my pride when it seems Sterling could be in genuine danger. For whatever reason Luke had deiced to move his bag from the room/space we were gong to share and move it into the main area with everyone else. Later, I would come to think that maybe he moved because now that he and Sterling were back together that he didn’t want to give her any reason to question the relationship by he sleeping next to the girl he just spent all night flirting with. Once I had found him though, I offered no pleasantries after demanding Blairs number. After saving it into my phone I immediately called her, only to have it keep going to voicemail. Right as I was about to call the police or even Ellen, I suddenly get a text from the lesser liked twin.

                                                                                                               “Sterling’s been kidnapped.”